The Simpsons Springfield Tales
by Shoz999
Summary: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie and many other Characters have a variety of stories in "The Simpsons Springfield Tales". COMPLETE.   "This Story is real old and half the stories are random, odd and some cases just plain bad. It has a number of great stories but I suggest you go ahead to Simpson Springfield Tales Season 2, a much bigger improvement and realistic sequel to Season 1.
1. Story Guide

**Simpsons Springfield Tales Story Guide**

This is a list of synopsis or summaries that describe each story (Or chapters) within the Simpsons Springfield Tales that have multiple stories as chapters which I created.

The Simpsons Springfield Tales (List of Stories)

1. 5th Grade: Bart starts to meet his new teachers in 5th grade... only one thing... they can turn out to have anger issues, complain a lot, thieves, and one teacher may even be a psychopathic murderer...

2. Kidnapped or Killed: Homer was going to hang out with his kids but he turned out to be late and drunk. He's hated by his own children and even worse... Homer dies as the children's last actions were not hugs or smiles... but there were also clues... clues that might tell that Homer death was a fake?

3. New Treehouse of Horror Part I: The first fanfiction Treehouse of Horror has been released. Read as Homer's loved ones are chased by a cursed car, Homer is becoming thin but with a heavy price... death!, and well... hmm... It's Homer again, but Homer has a clone that changes into Peter Griffin of Family Guy!

4. Don't Mess With The Baby Sitter: Homer and Marge hires a special babysitter as they leave... only thing is that this babysitter comes from a corrupt company... and this corrupt company is so corrupt it takes the Simpson Children into a prison-like babysitting area. Will they find a way to escape!

5. Bart of Duty: Homer at War: A parody of Call of Duty: World at War... but why did I chose this! World War II with Grandpa Simpson guys! That's what. Homer and Bart get trapped in a video game, World War II but will the war end like in real times are will it end in a way where things may go a little awkward...

6. Marge's Pop Comes to Town: The title speaks itself. Marge's daddy, Clancy Bouvier, comes back after he faked his death on a rollercoaster, but Marge is somehow not okay with this... Even worst... Clancy Bouvier's hate for Homer compared to others is more dangerous than anyone's else's... even Patty and Selma folks.

7. Where's Marge, Homer?: The Simpson Kids are suspicious of Homer and his friends activities... activities that might lead to a murder of Marge Simpson... did Homer murder Marge! Or is it all a misunderstanding?

8. Sideshow's Bob's New Life: Sideshow Bob has just been released but Bart is not okay with this... Infact, Bart has almost gotten killed just after the master mind criminal was released... was it Sideshow Bob or was it someone else with French Taste that wanted revenge?

9. Bart and The Missile: Bart discovers a secret abandoned nuclear missile facility... and he also finds one of the scientists there.. or a hobo right now... what will Bart do with the missile? Unleash it or leave it alone. Meanwhile, Homer Simpson and his friends talks to Seth McFarlane, an old enemy from high school who's now a famous cartoonist, because of getting all of his ideas from Homer Simpsons stupidity.

10. What If It Never Happened?: Bart says that he wishes that Lisa never existed because of her ruining Bart's chance of getting a great deal that will lead to a successful life. Now Bart is visited by many ghosts of former US Presidents so Bart can see how life would be if Lisa never existed. Will Bart still wish that Lisa never existed or will he feel a change of heart?

11. Marge Loves Five Men...: Marge has some trouble over her marriage with Homer and has some interests over other men... Will Homer win Marge's love again or will Marge's love will be giving to one of these other men...

12. A Harsh Winter: Mr. Nental, the psychopathic cannibalistic health teacher of 5th Grade who is for some reason known by Children yet adults don't believe it, has gotten a message that someone knows him or rather is a fan of his work. This later leads to a party at Mr. Burns's mansion where all citizens of Springfield are invited, including Homer, Marge, and Mr. Nental, but a strong blizzard hits Springfield and even worst... someone is killing guests but it's not Nental... The guests are trapped in the Mansion and will have to do everything they can to survive... Meanwhile, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are trapped in the house and hear slithering noises thinking that it's a monster. Will the guests of the mansion survive the blizzard and whoever is killing... and will Bart, Lisa, and Maggie find out who's creating the slithering noises?

13. VietKoreSimpson What the DOH!: Skinner is a target for a killer and this killer is said to be from the Vietnam War... meanwhile Homer Simpson finds out he has an Asian Simpson on the family tree. Will Skinner find his killer before he kills him?

14. An Old and New Man's Best Friend: In the past and the future, Bart's and Abe's dogs are featured in this story several times. What will happen at the end? You'll have to find out for yourself...

15. Fatty in Time: Homer travels in time and finds him in the past, present, and the future, but it all started with the death of his family but there is still hope... can he save his family through time or will he be stuck in time?

16. New Treehouse of Horror Part II: Three tales of horror are unfolded as Homer is a serial killer with a hockey mask for thirteen victims, Bart's father is really Stephen King which somehow Bart has gotten strange powers, and reality itself become a tale of horror... those who don't play along in Halloween that is...

17. The Machine Who Loves Pizza: Ralph who has been taken over by an evil but smart small robot in his head, has created a robot of mass destruction and collects info... only one problem... Ralph also took control too resulting the creation to be a dumb robot who can even eat pizza or another kind of food... strange...

18. My Name Is...: New student arrives, drunken zombie dogs attack, interrogations are made, animals hiding in the Kwik-E-Mart, and more...

19. This is SPRINGFIELD!: Springfield of America are bought by the British. Now it's up to Homer and an army of crazed redneck Americans to stop the British Invasion with the help of an hippie freak named Ian... is he even a hippie or is he just high? . (This is also a spoof of 300)

20. Mr. Burns Christmas Carol Part I: Mr. Burns is visited by the ghost of Smither's Sr., Smither's father, and says that he can still be saved by three ghosts? Will he step in the world as a new man or will he be damned for life?

21. Mr. Burns Christmas Carol Part II: Mr. Burns sees what the Ghost of Yet to Come will show what is Yet To Come...

22. Vandalism 1: Bart, Lisa, and some of Bart's friends decide to steal the Krusty the Clown Statue near the Krusty Burger restaurant. This however lead to unexpected happenings during December... Will they return the clown or will they be stuck with it along with some other problems?

23. An African Man's Holiday: Bart meets an old African American named Jay at the old folk's place near Christmas Day. Jay however is grumpy and confused do to his past and wants to leave the Springfield Retirement Castle, only one big price comes with it.

24. Silence: Marge gets her job as a Cop again and one of her duties as an officer is to find a serial killer through the help of another killer, Mr. Nental, a deranged lunatic who is a health teacher that only children know that he's a killer... but will Marge also know Nental's little secret?

25. Huge Prisons: Homer is captured by terrorists in Afghan and is taken into a secret prison called Tormentum. With the help of an old Russian Soldier from the old wars, he has the chance of escaping... but sacrifices must be made if Homer wants to see his family again.

26. Lord of The Rings: Ring Around The Rosie (Or LOTRL Ring Around The Rosie): The Simpsons tell a fantastic tale of Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of The Ring (The Movie version not the book), where dragons are drunk as hell, hobbits are a bunch of moochers, and Sauron is a lonely eye who needs medication (why else is his eye red?)...

27. One Threatening Phone Call: (A story that has been praised by reviewers and guys who send messages), Bart and his friends accidently send a threatening phone call to the President of the United States... this causes them to go crazy that they think the FBI, CIA, or any form of Government is watching them. This even leads to an old salesman thinking he's back in Vietnam. Meanwhile, Homer has a room for rent because of bills. The one who rented the room is a mysterious German, but who is he? Marge is the most suspicious of him and the married couple think that he may be some kind of derange lunatic. Will Bart and his friends solve their threatening prank phone call problem and will Homer and Marge ever figure out that the German is a killer or not, and even if he is a killer... what will they do next?

28. ParaLordTermSimpson Activity: (Multiparody of three movies). Homer finds an old cursed DVD player. To rid of this curse once and for all, he must throw it into Mt. Fuji, Japan but a certain animal doesn't want this to happen.

29. Ralph, A Master Criminal Genius: Ralph, who's possessed by a particular robot, has the genius and evil in his mind again... but will this be the last of his evil or the start of a new one?

30. Maude?: (This story is known to be praised for its clever emotional plot, smart humor, it's touching ending, and for some reason Homer's advice and help for Ned...) Ned who was at the mall has thought that he saw Maude only to turn out to be a person who looks exactly like her. Homer helps Ned with this new woman that he just saw but it don't turn to be as planned. A-must-read-story as Ned has troubles with the past of his dead wife and the present of a living look-a-like. What will happen at the end? Only for you to find out!

31. Why Thou Shall Feel Guilt?: Lisa has a brilliant idea that could win her fame and fortune all through the creation of a hybrid plant, but this also leads to guilt as she needs the use of stolen plutonium bought from a kid nicknamed Handy. Meanwhile, Homer who has a bit trouble with the Springfield Mafia. It's up to Maggie to save her father from these gangsters.

32. Like Bob, Like Son: Sideshow Bob is in jail but his son Gino isn't. Gino decides to start his share of crime starting with Maggie Simpson. Meanwhile, Milhouse tries to win Lisa's heart, only to get rejected by Lisa due to Bashir's and Handy's lies and tricks.

33. Herbity Herb: Herb is getting married to a woman named Monica. Herb thinks this is love but Abe thinks this woman just wants money and lots of it.

34. Springfield, From Bad To Worst: A bunch of New Yorkers decide to join Springfield's little town... but this soon becomes a problem... a big one...

35. Love is Cracked Open, Homer (Part I): Homer thinks Marge is cheating on him until he finds something else out...

36. Love is Reminded, Homer (Part II): Homer starts to remember his past with Marge but than sees a horrible future...

37. Love is The Answer, Homer (Part III): Homer meets a handpuppet.. one that talks but on that also helps old miserable Homer...

38. New Treehouse of Horror Part III: Four tales appear in night sky... tales such as aliens in an secret base... Homer weilding a powerful hammer... Marge being possessed where exorcism must be happened... and a witch spends some time at The Simpsons house...

39. Married Upon The Open Road: Selma is marrying a man again... but this time a man actually loves her but Selma doesn't...

40. There's Help For Everyone: Bart and Lisa helps Ian, a low-life hippie, get's off the drugs and have a normal life again... only to be tempted by drugs once again... it gets worst when a fire starts in a hospital...

41. Dr. Alex and Mr. Jack: Homer's Friend comes to the bank only to rob it. Not only that, he's crazy and takes Homer and Bart as hostages.

42. The Stupid and The Dumb: Lisa still has feelings for Nelson and Milhouse decided not to win Lisa's heart... and instead decides to take on the crush on Bart's Mom, Marge Simpson.

43. A Whacky Funeral: Homer says mean things to Jacqueline, Marge's Mother, and suddenly she dies in the middle of a car with Homer. Homer is afraid that Marge's Father will go berserk and send him with broken bones... so he keeps it a secret... but for how long?

44. Picture Day!:Bart and Lisa and their classmates talk about their days of Springfield Elementary School, how they became friends, how the unexpected happened, how Edna Krabappel decided not to work hard to lead the students to a success for one apparent reason...

45. TOWARDS IN TIME Part I: (A Spoof of Back To The Future), Bart, Frink, and Santa's Little Helper go back to time to the days of Homer Simpson's childhood.

46. FORWARDS IN TIME Part II: It continues on as the trio now travels to the future, into an alternate present, and back to the past to set things right.

47. BACKWARDS IN TIME PART III: The race against time continues in PART III, this time it's Abe Simpson in Old World Springfield... Bart must deal with both the mafia, the corrupted police force, and find Abe's lovelife.

48. OUTWARDS IN TIME PART IV: THE FINAL CONCLUSION: Bart, Frink, and Santa's Little Helper now cross paths with Jebediah Springfield in an old western style world... funny how Springfield is clued to be in Northern America, eh?

49. Good Night: A Remake of the Tracy Ullman Short, "Good Night", but this time it's extended to include various classic icons and moments in The Simpsons Shorts, such as Krusty, Jake The Barber, and Abe Simpson... and let's not forget about Space Invaders and The Happy Little Elves. This is the finale...


	2. Season 1A Introduction

**Introduction** (You might want to read the Story Guide Below)

This is an introduction to The Simpsons Springfield Tales, a multi-story fanfiction. The introduction was created on March 13th 2011 after the 30th story, or chapter was released.

The Simpsons Springfield Tales is not one story but a variety of them that have a variety of ideas, topics, genres or parodies into several stories. I made it because I wanted something to feel like The Simpsons Series and I had several ideas for stories... so why not put them into one fanfiction rather taking too much time writing one fanfiction, one by one? Another reason is that when I read some of these fanfictions in The SImpsons category, they had emotion and drama but they usually have no humor. Also it does include Treehouse of Horror, extra scenes at the end, and couch gags, and there is also some old news within some of these chapters. I also take requests. Also, if you don't like the first story (or chapter) than just skip it and read a different one. You don't have to read one of the chapters continously since it is it's own story

**Somethings that you need to know about this story...**

Besides being a multi-story fanfiction, all the characters are an year older but they still look the same, act the same, and are the same dysfunctional family. It's just an year older to bring up new story ideas, not to change alot of the Simpsons history and behavior... like most Simpson fanfictions when it comes to Maggie Simpson as a kid or adult...

**The Simpsons Springfield Tales Story Guide New Location(Summaries of Stories (Or Chapters))**

If you didn't know, there used to be a Story Guide under here with a list of summaries for the stories (or chapters) here. They are now located at my profile page as I can now update the story guide more faster. So if you want to know what the stories are about before reading them, than go to my profile page for the story guide.

The first 24 Stories (or chapters) do not have summaries (or synopsis) within their own story when they were first made, but 25 and above does have a summary (or synopsis) within their own stories. If you still don't know what I mean, than look at the stories 25 and above and compare the first 24 stories.


	3. 5th Grade

READ THIS!: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are an year older in this story. Everything is mostly still the same. This includes of how every character looks like and there behavior. There will be a few changes or additions.

Couch Gag: The family runs to the couch and sat down. As they sat down a nuclear missile hits the house causing not only the house, but the whole town is also consumed in flames.

* * *

Eleven year old Bart woke up from his bed in a beautiful morning. He stretched out his arms and said to himself, "Hello Bart!". He stepped out of his room, to the stairs, and went towards the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. Even though he was eleven, he was still his normal self... sort of...

Bart's nine year old sister came into the kitchen. She was still her normal self. Smart, and cautious as usual. As she sat down at the table, she saw Bart eating cereal.

"Good Morning Lisa. Isn't it a beautiful day?" Bart said happily.

"What are you so happy about? Are you going to pull another prank?" Lisa said.

"It's the first day of school. I think I should take a break today for all those earlier pranks before."

"I get it. You're going to learn about your new teachers and their weaknesses and then pull a prank on all of them, isn't it Bart?"

"Well... yes... wait a minute? What do you mean teachers with an S?"

"In 5th grade, you have more than one teacher. Didn't you receive a school schedule?"

"The school never did gave us a schedule!" Bart said angrily.

Suddenly the dog came in sick and burped out a piece of paper saying "Schedule".

"So that's where it's been." Bart said as he saw the dog burping more of the School Schedule and then ate it again.

Suddenly Homer and Marge ran to the kitchen in a hurry.

"Boy! You didn't eat the cereal, right?" Homer yelled.

"What the heck do..." Bart said as he paused for a minute.

Suddenly his eyes grew big and weren't seeing reality. They were starting to see different colors and other things that aren't part of reality, like a flying dog and a dragon wearing pants.

"Is it illegal for kids to take illegal drugs?" Homer said.

"Duh! That's why it's called illegal drugs Homer!" Lisa yelled as she left the kitchen.

"When did she started calling me Homer?" Homer asked Marge.

"When she was a baby. Don't you remember?" Marge answered.

"Yeah, but she never called me that when she got older."

Suddenly Bart dropped to the ground right in front of his family and shaking his legs.

"Pretty Colors!" Bart said.

* * *

Bart and Lisa entered the school bus and saw all of his friends. They were still looking like there old self, including other kids who weren't friends with Bart looked like there old self in the bus. Milhouse shake his hand in the middle of the air and saying, "Bart! I'm here!"

Bart walked to the seat where Milhouse sat.

"Who's your homeroom teacher" Milhouse asked.

"Homeroom teacher? What's that?" Bart asked.

"It's the teacher of the first class period. Mine's is the Social Studies Teacher."

"You know what? I'm just confused of how 5th grade works. I'm just here to study our teacher's weaknesses and use it against them."

"Oh. Okay then. Anyway, look at my cool vacation pictures from Hawaii."

Milhouse handed Bart the pictures and suddenly Bart was laughing.

"What's so funny about Hawaii?" Milhouse asked.

"This isn't your vacation pictures. This is your baby pictures." Bart said as he was laughing.

The other kids heard what Bart said and rushed to where he and Milhouse sat. They started to laugh as they saw the baby pictures. Milhouse tried to get it back, but there was a crowd where he sat.

"Give me my baby pictures, Bart!" Milhouse yelled.

"That's some funny pictures." Otto said.

"Who's driving the school bus?" Martin asked.

Suddenly the bus was driving crazy.

* * *

Bart stepped out of the bus along with the other kids. Lisa and her classmate's classroom are on the first floor. Bart's classroom was on the second floor. As he entered the school he walked towards the stairs. He continued to walk on the stairs until he made it on the second floor. After that he went to his homeroom. The classroom was social studies and had brown wallpaper because Bart can easily tell by the maps, globes, and timeline posters. This also means that Milhouse was in this class. As he entered it, he saw a more organized, and cleaner version of a classroom. Not only that, he saw Ms. Krabappel putting books on the desk.

"Krabappel? Your my homeroom teacher?" Bart said in surprised.

"Yes Bart. How can my day get any worse?" Ms. Krabappel said with neither a smile or a sad look on her face.

"I can make it happen in two seconds."

"Sit down Bart."

Bart went to his desk which looked pretty much the same. In fact, everyone he knew was in his class. Guess the school budget can't separate them that easily and that most of the new students are in the other classrooms.

"Okay class. Today, you have a simple pop quiz in my Social Studies Class. It's something you all learned from last school year." Ms. Krabappel said as she handed out the pop quiz.

The timer on Ms. K's desk started and Bart had trouble figuring out the answers.

After a while, the timer stopped meaning that the quiz was over. Ms. Krabappel picked up the quiz's until she picked up Bart's.

"Bart? You think that Elvis founded America in 1982, and that the Civil War was caused by a bunch of Russian Terrorist. Plus, and why is there a clown holding a flamethrower drawn on the side of the test?"

"What do you know? A clown? How did that got there?" Bart said sarcastically and a fake smile.

"I thought that even you can get these questions right. I guess you're the boy that's going to ask for a nickel when you grow up. Anyway, it's time for your next class."

* * *

Bart stepped out of the classroom and headed to the next classroom next door. It was math. As he entered the classroom, he saw Prof. Frink in the classroom. The classroom was like the social studies classroom, except the wallpaper was blue, and it was filled with rulers, math books, and a yard stick.

"Frink? What now? Willie is going to be the health teacher?" Bart said.

"Actually I'm both the janitor and the Shop Class Teacher for 9th to 12th grade." Willie said as he entered the classroom with a mop.

"9th to 12th? This is the elementary and middle school. Not High School."

"Really? Than, if the shop class is not here. Than that art class with the knife was... Oh my god!" Willie yelled as he ran out of the classroom through a window of a second story building.

"Well, at least he's still normal." Bart said as he took his seat.

"Hello class." Prof. Frink said. "I am your math teacher and you are going to have a pop quiz. Isn't that fun?"

"What?" Bart yelled. "We just had one last class."

"Well... here's the test." Prof. Frink said as he handed out a test for each student.

Martin raised his hand as he looked at the paper.

"Yes you. The fat boy with the white shirt."

"This looks like the stolen college test from Springfield University last week." Martin said.

"Well it's not..."

"It has all the science, social studies, and Language Arts questions marked off on the test." Milhouse said. "Plus, this says calculus."

"That's what we're learning kids. Calculus." Prof. Frink said. "Now all of you finish the test or I'll will have to give you a lot of homework. Even a nerd like me knows that kids don't like homework."

Bart kept on reading the questions which made him get a headache. Every question he read was more harder than what he learned last year. Kind of think of it, Bart doesn't even know how to learn.

"I'm guessing Lisa is having a hard time too." Bart thought.

* * *

"Hello Class." Ms. Hoover said.

"Ms. Hoover? Your our teacher?" Lisa asked.

"Yes. It has better pay than 2nd grade. Since it's the first day of school, you will have no homework, no test, no quiz's, and you can have one hour of free time." Ms. Hoover said with the same boring look in her eye. "I'm going outside for a smoke."

* * *

Bart entered the science room. It looked almost exactly like the math classroom except that it was science and the desks were arranged in rows and were a bit bigger. In the classroom was a very tall man wearing glasses. Bart and his classmates went towards the chairs and sat down.

"Hello class. I am Mr. Tall." Mr. Tall said as he stand up.

As he stood up, he hit his head on the ceiling.

"Ha-ha." Nelson said.

"Hey! Wait a minute. Your than Nelson kid. I thought I taught you a lesson!" Mr. Tall said.

"Nelson? You know this guy?" Bart asked.

"Now I remember. He's the guy who pulled my pants down and made me walk in public while he made me giving kisses in front of the public. It was embarrassing."

"I can teach you another lesson, if you interrupt my class again Nelson!" Mr. Tall said. (He's the tall guy that has been seen in 22 Short Films about Springfield and The City of New York Vs. Homer Simpson) "Now, I want to know all of your names. Especially the trouble makers."

Each kid in the classroom called out there names. Nelson tried to control himself as Mr. Tall kept on standing up and hitting his head on the ceiling. Suddenly Nelson couldn't hold it anymore.

"Ha-ha!" Nelson said to Mr. Tall.

"That's it!" Mr. Tall yelled as he jumped towards Nelson and punched him in the face with anger.

"I wonder if all tall people have anger issues?" Bart asked himself.

* * *

Bart entered the Language Arts classroom. It was a bit bigger than the previous classrooms, the wallpaper was purple and there was a marker board instead of a chalk board.

"Hello Class." A female teacher said as she came in. "My name is Ms. Kawson."

Suddenly the boys were drooling as they saw her. She was considered attractive to both men and boys. As she walked through the classroom, he saw Nelson with a black eye, broken arm, and a broken leg.

"Oh my god! What happened to you?" Ms. Kawson asked.

"The tall guy punched me in the face and then hit my legs, and arms with a crowbar." Nelson said with a smile as he looked at her face.

"Oh, you poor child. Well anyway, I have an writing assignment. You must all write a five page mystery story. Doesn't that seem interesting on the first day?"

"Yes it does." Martin said. "I am a straight A student as a matter of fact."

Two Hours later.

Martin saw his work with an F on it.

"What! This can't be." Martin yelled.

"Martin. You kept on writing Ms. Kawson in cursive over and over again." Ms. Kawson said.

Suddenly Martin screamed and ran out of the window.

"Martin! Were on the second floor you know! It's not 4th grade anymore!" Milhouse said.

Suddenly an injured Martin was covered in mud.

"Ha-ha!" Nelson said to Martin.

Suddenly Mr. Tall came in the classroom.

"You thought that I would just simply forget about you Nelson!" Mr. Tall said with a crowbar.

"Mr. Tall? What are you doing? You can't beat a student with a crow bar."

"Actually in the rules it says I can."

Mr. Tall handed the official school book of Springfield Elementary to Ms. Kawson.

"What do you know? It says it right here. Go ahead." Ms. Kawson said.

Mr. Tall raised his crowbar and beat the hell out of Nelson. After that he made him listen to country music as he went to the next class.

* * *

Bart entered the Computer Classroom. He saw a row of computers on desks. Bart wondered how the school can even afford computers. The kids entered the classroom and Nelson was now on a wheelchair with a broken neck.

"Where's the teacher?" Bart asked.

"I'm here." An African male teacher said as he came into the classroom. "Hi. My name is Mr. Zone and I'm glad to meet all of you."

"Yeah, yeah. We heard that before." Bart said. "What are you up to?"

"I'm not up to anything." Mr. Zone said. "Anyway, on the first day, you must type an ad of any kind and after that I'll let you do anything you want, but the next time you come here, it's work for full time, but I will let you listen to any kind of music electronics you have. Okay?"

"It's a trap isn't it?"

"What the heck do you mean?"

"Your just like the other teachers. Has anger issues, steals college books, and may even be attractive to the girls here."

"I'm not like that. I'm considered as a great teacher back in Shelbyville. I help people with their problems, tell what they should do, and all sorts of stuff."

"Oh yeah. What's a lesbian? Seriously, I don't really know what it is?" Bart asked.

"Oh... Um... I'll tell you when you get older."

"Fair enough."

Twenty minutes later. Sherry handed in his work to the teacher.

"You know Mr. Zone. I haven't seen you checking our papers? Are you really a great teacher?" Sherry asked.

"Of course I am." Mr. Zone said as he watches internet porn secretly.

* * *

"That was a great class." Bart said as he walked with Milhouse, Nelson, and some other friends in the hallway.

As they entered the health classroom, they saw a man sitting completely still.

"You know Bart. I thought health was supposed to be a part of science in 5th grade," Milhouse asked.

"Guess the school doesn't have a good budget."

"Hello Class..." The Health Teacher said in a creepy voice. "So Bart. What would you like to learn?"

"How the heck did you know my name?" Bart asked.

"Tell me Bart. Was your father a drunken idiot who can't pay his bills, almost destroys this very town we are in, and that he can't even protect his family or even himself?"

"How the heck did you know Bart's dad acts like that?" Nelson said.

"How would I know Nelson. What about your dad? The kind who would just leave you there in the sun alone with your not caring mother?"

"He was just kidnapped by a bunch of carneys."

"Yeah right. Kidnapped. He lied to you, didn't he? Plus, he also has done bad things to you before he even disappeared hasn't he? He even told you all of this... did he?"

"Okay! He made me dance on the table with a diaper during poker night!" Nelson yelled as he cried.

"Okay... I really didn't need to know that... Anyway, my name is Mr. Nental."

"Hey? You kind of look like one of those Top Wanted Criminals." Milhouse said.

"Instead of wanting to learn about me, how about I learn about you Milhouse. What about your father? Didn't he once divorced with your mother. How did that made you feel?"

"Okay I guess." Milhouse said calmly.

"Hey Nental? Why the heck are you asking these questions? You're a health teacher for Pete sakes." Sherry said.

"Hey Sherry. Is it true that your dog ran away when it actually..."

"Will you shut up already? Jesus your annoying!" Bart yelled.

"Fine." Mr. Nental said. "Today we are going to do a dissection on an actual human."

Mr. Nental put a dead human on his desk.

"That kind of looks like my dead grandfather?" Lewis said.

"Um... well it's not and I'm not a criminal or a grave robber either. So..."

Suddenly police noises came out of nowhere.

"Excuse me. It's my coffee break." Mr. Nental said as he jumped out of the window.

Suddenly he felled to the ground injured and saw Martin Prince on the ground also.

"Hello sir. Can you help me?" Martin asked.

"Tell me Martin. Why weren't you so popular. Even smart fat kids with pimples are popular these days. Is it because of your parents somehow or is it your behavior?" Mr. Nental said.

"There you are Nental." Chief Wiggum said as he captured the teacher. "You're going to jail for the crimes of killing over sixteen people."

"I'm not Nental, that's Nental." Mr. Nental said as he pointed towards Martin Prince.

"Really? Sorry? I guess even psychopath people are smart enough to trick Police Officers."

Chief Wiggum arrested Martin Prince as the boy tried to tell him that he's innocent, but Wiggum didn't believe him.

"Police men today? When will they ever get smarter?" Bart said as he looked through the school window.

* * *

After the Health Class with the Psychopath killer which only the children knows his secret, Bart entered the French Class and saw his teacher, Mr. Yanavo. Bart was good at speaking French, so he should at least get an B in this class. Bart took his seat and saw Mr. Yanavo teaching about the culture of France. The boy just thought he would teach about the language, not the culture.

"Anyway class. This is why the French is better than the British people." Mr. Yanavo said.

"I thought all of you French people thought that you were better than every country." Bart said.

"What? You think that France is lame?" Mr. Yanavo said.

"No, but..."

"That's it! Your punishment is to help Willie, right after teaching shop class."

* * *

"And that's how you make a table class." Willie said to the class.

A ginger squeaky voiced teenager raised his hand.

"Yes... um... Jeremy Freedmen was it?"

"Yeah, what the heck are we ever going to use this in our lives?" Jeremy said.

"What if you're married and your wife wanted a new table to replace a old cracked table. This is why I'm teaching you how the make a table... um... Jeremy Freedmen was it again?"

"Yeah, I know."

Suddenly the Vice Principle of Springfield High ran into the classroom.

"Hey Willie. Shop class is over right now. Go take care of that problem in Springfield Elementary, okay?" The Vice Principle said.

"Okay sir!" Willie said.

* * *

Willie and Bart were at the boys bathroom and fighting there big problem. The big problem was somehow the Loch Ness Monster was living in a toilet. It was big, but not big as what you would expect it to be. Willie tried to fight it off with a toilet plunger.

"Willie? Have you ever tried using that gun on the sink there?" Bart asked.

"Using a plunger is more manly lad." Willie said. "Now help me get that M4 Carbine on the ground."

"But you said..."

"Do you want to take down Nessie, or do you want this school to be filled with water from a dirty toilet?"

"I rather do both." Bart answered.

"Just shoot it already!"

* * *

Bart entered the French classroom with blood stains and water on his shirt.

"There you are Bart. What the heck is with those blood stains?" Mr. Yanavo asked.

"I think I shot the Loch Ness monster." Bart answered.

Suddenly everyone was laughing at him as they think it was a lie.

"Bart! I told you not to lie!"

"AHHH!" Willie screamed as he entered the room with a blown up hands. "I told to you to shoot the Loch Ness Monster! Not my hands!"

3 minutes he was screaming and an hour later, Willie was transferred to a hospital and confirmed dead. Later, he was transferred to a more better hospital and was confirmed alive and healthy again. As for his hands, they were repaired with a couple of donated hands from a dead criminal.

* * *

Bart was tired and he was also filled with stress from the classes he has been. He was now entering his final class. Art. As he entered, he saw a female Art Teacher.

"Hello class." The Art Teacher said. "I want to know each and every one of your names."

"My name is Bart, who the hell are you?" Bart said.

"My name is Mrs. Flora and we don't take that kind of behavior here." Mrs. Flora said. "You look like you had a stressful time here. Has the other teachers done unusual things that made you say these kinds of thing?"

"Pretty much. Except Mr. Zone. He's cool."

"I see. Tell you what class. Since it's the first day of school. Your first assignment is to draw a comic strip. No joke."

"No joke? Are really sure that it's no joke?" Nelson said as he was still in an injured state.

"My god. What has happened to you?" Mrs. Flora said.

"I got beaten up by Mr. Tall. Jesus he has a... I mean he's an incredibly nice guy." Nelson said as he looked everywhere just in case he showed up again.

"Young man. Mr. Tall just thinks that bullies or troublemakers should be taught a lesson in a... well... very strict way that is filled with... discipline... harsh discipline."

"I know what you're saying pal. Your saying that he's a big angry..." Bart said until Mrs. Flora quickly covered his mouth.

Suddenly Mr. Tall came in.

"I thought I heard someone." Mr. Tall said.

"No one. Just go back to teaching." Mrs. Flora said

"Fine."

Mr. Tall went back to his classroom as Mrs. Flora took her hand off Bart's mouth.

"Anyway, the comic strip."

An hour later, people finished their comic strip. Bart's comic strip was a muscular adult version of Bart Man battling Sideshow Bob. He kind of look a little more like Batman though, but with spiky blonde hair.

"So what's your comic strip about Bart?" Mrs. Flora said as she looked at the comic strip.

"It's a comic strip about Bartman battling Sideshow Bob." Bart said.

"Is Bartman you?"

"How the heck did you know his secret identity?"

"It has Bart in the word Bartman. Anyone can easily identify who he is."

"Oh. I see. I'm still going to use the name though."

* * *

Bart and Lisa stepped out of the school bus and entered their house. They saw Marge, Homer, and Maggie in front of them already as they entered the house.

"How was school kids?" Marge asked.

"It was horrible." Lisa said. "Ms. Hoover said we were going to have an hour of free time. After that, it turned out to be the whole day of school! There was no work! NO WORK!"

"Sounds like haven to me." Bart said.

"What about you Bart? Did you had a fun time at school?" Homer asked.

"Sort of. My home room teacher is Mrs. Krabappel." Bart said.

"What!" Homer said in surprised. "Her last name is Krabappel! All this time I've been calling her Krappel. I'm been making a fool of myself."

"Anyway, my math teacher turned out to be Prof. Frink."

"It's about time that guy gets a life."

"What about those inventions and cures for diseases he's done?" Lisa asked.

"Anyway, my science teacher was Mr. Tall." Bart asked.

"Mr. Tall?" Homer said.

"You know him?" Marge asked.

"I think so. The last time I saw him is when I woke up with injuries, bumps and a broken arm."

"That might explain that black eye you have there, Homer." Bart said as he stared at Homer's black eye.

"Anyway, my L.A. teacher is Ms. Kawson. She's an attractive lady. She even made Martin get an F. After that is Mr. Zone, the computer teacher. He's this cool African dude. He told us how to give people wedgies with a bicycle and a frying pan. I think the ladies also like the dude."

"What else is there Bart?" Marge asked

"Mr. Nental, the health teacher. He's really creepy. He somehow knows my secrets along with other children. Plus, I think he's a criminal and a psycho. Not only that, no adults think he really is a criminal. The police keeps on forgetting that Nental is a criminal."

"That's silly Bart. A health teacher who's a criminal?" Homer said.

"No really. Even the police came and took Martin in jail, when it was really Mr. Nental. Plus, he had blood all over his hands."

"You mean the teacher with the black hair, and strange smile that turns off and on all the time?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah? How do you know?"

"I saw him talking to some of my friends in the strangest ways. He somehow knew I was hiding in the girl's bathroom as I slowly opened the door to see what was happening through the door. Not only that, he knew that I had a B last year and that I was one of the people who saved a bunch of animals from the government. I would try to get away from him if I were you."

"Psycho." Maggie's said as he holded and pointed a picture of Mr. Nental.

"Oh my god. Maggie's first word. Psycho!" Homer said with a smile.

"Dad. That's not her first word, Homer." Bart said. "Well, my French Teacher is Mr. Yanavo. That was actually the first time I had an A+ in language, but a D- in culture. Plus, the guy thinks he's better than everyone else."

"French people. When will they ever learn?" Homer said.

"That's a stereotype Bart." Lisa said. "Plus, almost every powerful country thinks that they are better than other countries."

"Finally, my last teacher was Art. Her name is Mrs. Flora and she's very nice. She even let us make comic strips. Here's mine." Bart said as he handed his comic strip to Homer.

"Bartman? I wonder who's identity is it."

"Dad. It has Bart in the word Bartman." Lisa said.

"Bart huh? Anyway Bart... who's the guy under the mask?"

"Well at least you haven't change a bit Homer." Bart said as he went up the stairs and secretly holding a paper which has a list of weaknesses of each teacher he has.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"So Mr. Nental." Homer said as he sat down with Marge and the kids in Mr. Nental's class. "My kids said that you're a criminal of some sort?"

"The last time when someone tried to know me was a policeman about age 22 and almost finished college." Mr. Nental said as he stared at Bart and Lisa with an creepy look. "You know what I did to them?"

"What?" Marge asked.

"I cut out there organs and served it as chilly to my pet dogs." Mr. Nental laughed insanely.

"Mmm... cannibalistic chilly..." Homer said drooling.

"What the heck is wrong with him?" Mr. Nental asked.

"For the 32nd time, no one knows." Bart said.


	4. Kidnapped or Killed

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run into the house and towards the couch. Suddenly a bunch of policemen arrest Homer and a dog looks through his pockets and found illegal drugs.

Homer was sleeping at the Nuclear Power Plant at his office as usual. The danger sign was glowing, the alarm was making noises, and a voice box kept on saying DANGER! Yet, Homer kept on sleeping.

* * *

"Hey Homer." Lenny said as he and Carl entered his office without even worrying as they saw the DANGER! sign.

Homer woke up as he heard Lenny's voice and said, "What?"

"The alarm is on again." Carl said without even worrying. Instead he just smiled.

Homer picked up a bucket filled with water from the ocean. He spilled it all over the machine as it suddenly turned off. As the water dried off, it revealed star fish, salt, and seaweed on the machine.

"So what are you going to do tonight?" Lenny asked as he drank his coffee.

"I'm going to bring the kids to some new Itchy and Scratchy Carnival." Homer answered. "Marge wants me to spend more time with the kids."

"Well that's great Homer. By the way, don't be late at Moe's birthday party." Carl said.

"Don't worry. I won't miss it. It's before the carnival right?"

"I think so." Carl said.

* * *

Homer walked into the bar with a birthday present. As he entered, he saw Moe smiling. Usually he has a face that meant suicide or something similar to that. As he sat down on the chair, Carl passed free beers for everybody. The beers weren't from Moe. They were bought from a local grocery store.

"I heard you're going to take the kids to that new carnival, Homer." Moe said.

"Yep... Did I say that?" Homer wondered.

"Of course you did." Lenny answered. "You've been yelling angrily about that all day, saying that you should get a day off because you spend too much time with the kids."

"Kind of think of it... You've never spend that much time with Bart, Lisa, and that other one... Margret was it?" Barney said.

"It's Maggie, not Margret." Homer said.

"There the same name Homer." Moe said. "Well anyway, since I'm a happy man and it's my birthday. You can have up to three free beers. After that it's money time."

Five Hours later, Homer was ordering the 22nd beer. He was drunk and completely forgot about the carnival he was supposed to visit with his kids.

"Uh, Homer... I think you should stop drinking." Moe said.

"That's nonsense Moe..." Homer said as he left the bar and into a day of rain on the streets of Springfield.

* * *

The next day, Homer was sleeping on the lands of a green dirty swamp. He woke up with a headache and smelled like Duff beer.

"What... happened?..." Homer said as he stood up from the ground.

Suddenly a green creature appeared from the swamp.

"Oh No! Man-Thing!" Homer screamed as he ran away.

"Is this why I don't have any friends?" Man-Thing said as he returned to the swamp.

Homer kept on running until he ran into Chief Wiggum.

"Well... what do we have here." Wiggum said.

"I just saw Man-Thing. He's coming to get me." Homer said in fear.

"Yeah right rummy. I believe you didn't pay your ticket, vandalism, and now drunkenness. Step into the car mister."

* * *

Homer arrived at Evergreen Terrace after he'd paid all the damage he done. As he entered his house, he saw an angry and disappointed family in front of him.

"Hi Kids!" Homer said with a smile, not realizing that there mad.

The kids did not respond. They just kept on having an angry look in their eye.

"Why are you looking... Oh yeah, the carnival. Well I can explain everything."

"You mean the way you smell like beer." Bart said angrily.

"You left us in the rain. Mom had to get us up and now the tickets you bought are completely useless." Lisa said angrily.

"Homer! I told you to spend time with the kids. Instead, your off drinking with your friends." Marge said.

"But it was Moe's birthday. You know how lonely it is." Homer said until a bunch of beer bottle fell out of his shirt and pants.

"Looks more like you drank more than a couple of beers Homer." Marge said.

"How about I take you to the carnival tomorrow." Homer said.

"How about you be quiet! All you do is eat, drink, and go to the bathroom all day. You are completely fat, not-caring, drunk, and sometimes even abusive father."

"I may be all those things, but I'm not abusive." Homer said angrily.

"Yeah right Homer. You freaking lazy ape." Bart said.

"Why you little! I'll teach you who's the ape!" Homer said as he strangles his own son.

"You call that not abusive?" Marge said.

"Well... you got me there." Homer said.

"Just shut up dad. You're the worst father I have ever seen." Lisa said. "I just wish that you can actually be more caring than a big fat dope who spends his time eating donuts on the couch."

"Go to your room Lisa!" Homer said.

"Whatever Retarded Rex."

"It seems Lisa is finally good at name calling." Bart said as he watched Lisa going to her room.

* * *

Homer was kicking a can on the streets of Springfield with a sad look on his face.

"I'm probably the most worst father in history." Homer said as he continued to kick the can. "Well not anymore! I'll be the best father and husband there ever was in this world. Even if it means listening to Lisa's stupid saxophone and hearing Marge's problem all day."

Suddenly a stranger wearing a black parka appeared out of nowhere. The stranger followed Homer as he pulled out a club. As he began to whack homer with the club, Homer dodged it as he picked up a quarter on the ground. He tried again until Homer tied his shoe. The stranger tried and tried until he just said, "Homer, look behind you."

Homer turned around and saw the stranger whacking him with the club in his face. He felled down unconscious as the stranger dragged his body to an unknown place.

* * *

A day later, Marge was cleaning dishes and was angry because Homer hasn't came back. She wondered where he was. The kids were also angry and wondered where he was too.

"Kids? Do you know where your father is?" Marge asked.

"You mean that lard of fat." Bart said. "Nope."

Suddenly a noise came out of nowhere. Everyone stepped out of their houses and saw a fat man in a helicopter. It was a drunken Homer flying the vehicle.

"Well that's new." Bart said.

"Can he actually control a helicopter?" Lisa asked.

Suddenly the family looked at each other and said, "HOMER GET OUT!"

Homer just kept on flying the vehicle until it crashed into a cliff causing an explosion.

Everyone rushed to the scene and saw Homer's hand under the helicopter. Dr. Hibbert came and try to see if he has a pulse, but nothing occurred in his body.

"Homer is dead." Dr. Hibbert said.

* * *

In an unknown area, a fat man sat in a chair and had his arms tied with rope connected to a device in darkness.

"Hello Homer." A voice from a speaker said as the lights turned on. "I want to play a game."

"What kind of game. Is it monopoly?" Homer asked. "If it's some kind of Wii game than no, because it requires me to move my arm. I mean it's a great console game system, and I don't care about the graphics, but it requires exercise."

"Will you shut up! It's not that kind of game. It's a game for your life, Homer."

"Sims?" Homer asked.

"Jesus, your annoying. Anyway, no one can find you here. Everyone thinks you're dead."

"Am I in the future?"

"No, you not in the future. Anyway, the game is simple. There is a dish of pork chops in this room. I believe it's your favorite food."

Suddenly the lights showed a dish of pork chops and Homer was drooling and saying, "Mmm... Pork chops.".

"It's your job to save it from being burnt by flamethrowers. The only way is that your hands are tied to a chain, but the chain is also connected to a device on the ground that will shock you and may give you a heart attack plus cancer and maybe a little brain damage too. You can either save the pork chops by letting the device shock you or save yourself by cutting your hands with the knife you have there. Let the game begin..."

"You monster!" Homer yelled.

Three hours later

Homer was completely electrified and yet, he still managed to survived.

"Jesus your stupid." The mysterious voice said. "I thought you would save your own life by cutting your hands off."

"Yeah, but give me my pork chops now."

"Never!"

Suddenly the pork chops were on fire.

"Oh my god. You monster! I have a family! Take them!" Homer said.

* * *

Everyone in Springfield felt sad as they saw the fake Homer crashed into the cliff. Even Mr. Burns, Selma, and Patty felt sad because they have no one to hurt, boss, or use Homer in any way they can.

Bart walked in the hallway of the second floor of the house. He saw Lisa on her bed with a sad look on her face.

"Lisa..." Bart said sadly.

"My last words to my dad was, ' Whatever Retarded Rex'." Lisa said.

"Well, there are some positives today."

"Like what?"

"We don't have to face Homer's problems again."

"I want to be alone for a while." Lisa said.

Bart left his younger sister as Lisa slept on her bed.

* * *

Suddenly Lisa was dreaming and saw Mel Gibson, Christian Bale, and Stan Lee.

"What are you all doing here?" Lisa asked.

"This is your dream Lisa." Mel Gibson said. "Anyway, Homer is actually alive."

"What? How do you know this? Your just a part of my dream."

"Yes... a dream..." Stan Lee said as his eyes moved back and forth.

"I'm tired of this. I want some action!" Christian Bale yelled as he punched Stan Lee, and Mel Gibson in the face. Suddenly his movie directors appear and starts punching them in the face too.

"How the heck is this my dream?" Lisa asked herself. "Why the heck would I dream about Christian Bale punching random people.

"How the heck would I know?" Stan Lee said.

"Hey you!" Christian Bale said to Stan Lee. "Comeback here you comic book writer."

Suddenly she woke up and ran to her camera, notebook, and a folder.

* * *

Later at school on Saturday.

Lisa entered the school, even though it was not opened on Saturday. She went up on the second floor and to the health classroom. She saw a man writing down words on papers. It was Mr. Nental, the psychopath killer who somehow managed to be a health teacher.

"Hello Lisa. You believe that Homer is alive, don't you?" Mr. Nental said.

"How did you know?" Lisa asked.

"Instincts. Anyway, why are you here?"

"I know who you really are."

"Yes, yes. The psychopath killer on the Top 10 wanted list. It seems only the children of this school know that I'm a murderer, a psychopath, a cannibal, a..."

"A cannibal?..." Lisa said in fear.

"Scratch that last thing I just said... for now."

"Well um... I want you to check these papers and pictures. I heard your smart enough to know where my dad is." Lisa said as she shook in fear.

"Fine, only because your an interesting and smart child." Mr. Nental said as he looked at the pictures. "By the way. Have you ever saved that sheep or was it too late?"

"What... sheep?" Lisa said.

"You know. The sheep that was going to be chopped into meat for some guys rich party. Bathed in oil, baked in an oven, and stuffed with homemade stuffing. The baby sheep you loved at the petting zoo."

"We have no time..."

"Give me some information and I'll give you information."

"I said we have no..."

"TELL ME!" Mr. Nental yelled in anger.

"Fine. The baby sheep I saw at the petting zoo. It was going to be cooked for a party. I tried to save the baby sheep one night, but it was too late. Too late..." Lisa said as she cried.

"Thank you. Anyway, the homer you see here under the helicopter is a fake. In the picture, there seems to be cotton from the dummy and no blood. Anyone could tell that it's a fake. This town is just filled with stupid people. I'd say the kidnapper is in his 20s, wants revenge, good at driving or flying different vehicles, and can make excellent spaghetti served with rice and grilled chicken."

"So your saying that some kidnapped my dad?" Lisa asked.

"Obviously or killed at a different location, but there both just possibilities."

"Thanks Nental." Lisa said as she stopped being afraid of the psychopath.

"Thanks? I may have to kill you someday. I'm not joking. After all a psychopath can kill with no reason, objective, or motive. You may end up like the family I killed at the Murder house (The house from The Simpson episode, "Reality Bites"). You don't know what I can do." Nental said with an evil grin.

Suddenly Lisa just backed away in fear again as she saw Nental grinning.

"That's a big juicy brain you have there. There's not that many smart people around..."

Lisa just ran through the door in fear, down the stairs, and ran away from the school, as Nental watched her through the window.

"Nental!" Skinner said. "How many times do I have to tell you! Stop telling your fake murder stories to the children. You keep on scaring, giving them nightmares, and you even made Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, and that one kid who's a father pee their pants."

"I keep telling you that my murder stories are REAL!" Mr. Nental argued.

"Sure they are." Skinner said sarcastically. "Just like that you are actually the one who murder all those people at the murder house."

"But I did!"

* * *

Meanwhile at the unknown area where Homer is. Homer watched a bunch of duff cans being spilled into the sink by robotic arms.

"Please stop! What did the beer ever did to you!" Homer yelled.

"I now want to play a different game. Guess my name. Here's a hint." The mysterious voice said. "You drive a person crazy and killed him."

"Is it... a brown dog named Fluffy?"

"Wait a minute, that was you! Fluffy was my dog!"

Suddenly more duff cans were spilled into the sink.

"The horror I say!" Homer yelled in misery.

* * *

Lisa visited the crash site and saw the fake body of Homer under the Plane. She tried to pull out the body, but instead ripped his arm causing cotton to fall out of the body.

"Nental was right. It is a fake."

Suddenly the voice box within the dummy under the helicopter said, "Doh! Doh! Doh!" and on and on.

"Who ever made this, sure know how Homer acts like."

* * *

Lisa visited Nental again to have a talk with him.

"You were right. The body was a fake."

"I see. I think I know who it is." Nental said.

"Who is it?"

"First, tell me. Why do you always keep on protecting animals, plants, or the environment. People who eat meat also tried to protect nature. Yet, you... every time you try and try. You just end up with two results. Nature is either destroyed or it ends up at something else."

"Will you just stop it!" Lisa yelled.

"No. Give me an answer and I'll will give you an hint. Why can't you protect life?"

"Because..."

"Yes?..."

"Because... I'm just a kid and someone is always going to stop me."

"Who's that someone."

"My family, friends, and other people who are close to me."

"Yes. Anyway, look at the helicopter's tail."

Lisa looked at the picture.

"Closer. Closer. Closer." Nental said on and on.

"Ow!" Lisa said as she received a paper cut on her finger.

"I'll just tell you. The helicopters tail says Goodie Hospital. It's an abandoned hospital at west Springfield. You might find your man and your father. Good luck, Lisa... for now..."

"Why the heck do you keep on doing that?" Lisa asked.

"What do you mean?" Mr. Nental asked

"You keep on saying, 'For now...' every time I come here." Lisa said.

"Well... you seem to have a point there." Nental said.

Lisa ran out of the school and towards the hospital.

* * *

"So is it Krusty? What about that one guy who says yes all the time. Maybe it's Barney." Homer said

"That's it." The mysterious voice said.

Suddenly a football was burned by two flamethrowers.

"NOOOOOOO!" Homer yelled. "What did the Denver Broncos or the Cleveland Browns ever did to you?"

"I gave you so many hints. I even told you who I am three times and you can't answer it." The voice said. "Looks like I'll have to reveal myself to you."

A man appeared out of darkness revealing himself as Frank Grimes Jr.

"Who the hell are you?" Homer asked.

"Frank Grimes Jr.?" Frank Grimes Jr. said.

Homer just looked at him and still did not know who he is.

"You killed my father?"

"Nope? Don't remember."

"My father worked at the Nuclear Power Plant?"

"I know lot's of guys who work at the Nuclear Power Plant."

"The guy hates you."

"Oh. The crazy guy with the glasses. Now I remember."

"What the... how did you just remember by... oh never mind. Anyway, Yes. Frank Grimes Senior was my father. Now you are going to die, just like he did, by touching High-Voltage power cables." Frank Grimes Jr. said as he pushed Homer that was tied to a chair towards the High-Voltage power cables.

"We can talk about this, right grimy?" Homer said with a worry look.

Suddenly Lisa appeared from a door.

"Stop!" Lisa yelled.

"How did you found me here?" Frank Grimes Jr. asked.

"The helicopter had a Goodie Hospital imprint on the tail."

"That doesn't matter. As long as I have my revenge, then I don't care if I go to jail after that."

Suddenly Lisa picked up a crow bar and hit Frank Grimed Jr. on the shin.

"Ow! Why you little." Frank Grimes Jr. said as he choked Lisa by the neck.

Homer untied himself and picked up a brick.

"Hey! Only I can strangle my own kids!" Homer said as he hit Frank Grimes Jr. with a brick.

Frank Grimes fell to the ground and rose up from the ground. Homer and Lisa suddenly just disappeared. The man picked up an fire axe from a box on the ground and searched the hospital.

Homer and Lisa were hiding in different rooms. They were separated too. Lisa was hiding in the office room under a desk. Frank Grimes Jr. entered the office and searched through the office.

"I know one of you twerps are here." Frank Grimes Jr. said until he saw a bottle rolling under one of the desks.

The man turned to the desk where Lisa was frightened. He founded the little girl and raised his axe high until, "BAM!"

Homer hit the man with another huge brick and quickly took the axe.

"Ha! I got the axe now!" Homer said as Lisa ran towards Homer.

Frank Grimes picked up some dust and threw it at Homer's eyes. Homer did not dropped the axe but tried to take out the dust. As he finally wiped off the dust, he saw Frank whacked Homer with the same club he had before. Homer was knocked out unconscious on the ground. Frank Grimes picked up the axe and went towards Lisa.

"This is all going to be over." Frank said with a grin.

Suddenly another man threw a pebble at him.

Frank turned around and saw Mr. Nental.

"Who the heck are you?"

"I'm a psychopath." Mr. Nental said as he threw a throwing knife towards Frank Grimes Jr. hand.

He dropped the axe as his hand was bleeding. Mr. Nental then punched Frank Grimes Jr. in the face so hard causing him to be unconscious on the ground

"Nental?" Lisa said. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here to see if you could actually catch the criminal." Mr. Nental said.

Lisa went to his father who woke up.

"What happened?" Homer said.

"You won't believe it. Mr. Ne..." Lisa gasped as Mr. Nental suddenly disappeared.

"Mr. who?"

"Uh, nothing dad. I'm just glad your okay." Lisa said with a smile.

* * *

3 minutes later, the hospital and the police came.

The police arrested Frank Grimes Jr. and did not do anything about the knife in his hand. The hospital treated Homer's injuries.

As Homer walked on the streets with Lisa he entered his house. He walked towards the living room and saw Marge chatting with Moe.

"Um.. Hello Homer." Moe said in fear. "So... I see your alive. I thought you were dead. By the way, I wasn't trying... to... um... date your wife or anything... or planning to marry her"

"Yep. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing. Just chatting with your wife and..." Moe said as he hid the wedding ring.

Suddenly Moe ran out of the window.

"Hello Homer! I heard what happened on the news." Marge said as she hugged Homer.

Suddenly Bart and Maggie came as well.

"I couldn't have survived without Lisa. How did you found me anyway?" Homer asked.

"Um... smarts?" Lisa said.

"You know kids. I'm going to spend some more time with you for now on." Homer said

"I wonder what Frank Grimes Jr. is doing in jail now?" Bart asked.

* * *

"Here's your new roommates Frank." Chief Wiggum said as he send him to jail.

"Hello." Frank said as the knife was still in his hand.

"Hello to you to." Sideshow Bob said. "This is Fat Tony and this guy here is Snake."

"What do you do for fun around here?"

"We work out, chat a little, and watch TV." Snake said.

"Tonight is poker night. You wanna come." Fat Tony said.

"Sure! I love to." Frank said.

"What's with the knife in the hand?" Snake asked.

"I can't remember. All I remember was someone punched my face."

* * *

Lisa was on her bed tired. Suddenly the phone was ringing. She picked it up and a familiar voice appeared.

"Hello Lisa..." Mr. Nental said.

"Nental!" Lisa said in surprised with a worry look.

"Yes... It's me. Nental. You may have manage to solve this crime with my advice and hints." Mr. Nental said.

"Nental. I know that you may have helped me, but you need to turn yourself into the cops."

"You think a mastermind criminal who's on the Top Most Wanted list would just simply turn myself in. If you were a criminal, you would have to escape from the law. I have already done it, yet the FBI is searching for me. It's good thing, that adults don't believe in children in this town, no matter how smart or trustful the kids are."

"You will go to jail, Nental."

"You're a smart kid, but also a strange one. Anyway, I have to..."

"Hey is this Marge Simpson?" Moe said as he somehow got into the conversation.

"No Moe. This is Lisa Simpson." Lisa answered.

"Sorry." Moe said as he left.

"Anyway, Lisa... I got to go. I'm having dinner with someone and soon with you." Mr. Nental said.

* * *

"So Skinner and Chalmers, how do you like my mash potatoes served with meat loaf." Mr. Nental said as he sat at the table of his own home.

"It's great." Skinner said. "I never tasted anything like it."

As Skinner took another piece of meatloaf, he saw an eyeball.

"I wonder how this eyeball got here. I better call someone." Skinner said. "Oh well."

Skinner ate the meatloaf and drank some juice.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Homer was walking in the living room until he heard the phone ringing. He picked it up and said, "Hello?"

"Is this Marge Simpson?" Moe asked.

"Nope Moe. It's me Homer." Homer said.

"Oh. Um... Well... um..."

Suddenly another voice on the phone came.

"Is this Lisa Simpson?" Mr. Nental asked.

"No. This is Home and Moe." Homer said.

Suddenly another voice is heard on the phone.

"Hello. This is Apu. You forgot your wallet sir." Apu asked

"Are you talking to Homer, Nental, or Moe?" Moe asked.

"I'm talking to the big fatass. That would be Homer." Apu answered.

"Hello. Is this Homer." Ned said. "You haven't returned my TV tray for over an year now. Can I have it back."

"No Ned. I need it." Homer answered.

"Hello? Is this Mr. Burns." Satan said.

"No. He died or something." Moe said.

"But the Grim Reaper said he's not dead until next year."

"What do you want, a medal or something?" Apu said.

"Hey hey. It's Krusty!" Krusty said.

"SHUTUP KRUSTY!" All of the people on the phone said.

Suddenly more people came and talked on the phone.


	5. New Treehouse of Horror Part I

The Simpsons were sleeping at their own beds dreaming of...

"Will you just shut up already! Were trying to sleep here!" Homer yelled.

"Homer? Who are you talking to?" Marge asked.

"That guy!" Homer pointed at the air.

"I don't see him."

"I'm just going to sleep." Homer said.

Again, The Simpsons were sleeping in their own beds dreaming of magical things until...

"I said shut up already!" Homer said to the narrator.

"Homer. Your talking to yourself again." Marge said.

"I'm not talking to myself! This guy keeps on describing of what we're doing."

So?

"So? Your annoying! Go away."

What if I don't want to go away?

"Well then I'll strangle you!"

Suddenly Homer was mysteriously strangled by the narrorator. Only thing is that he's invisible.

"Homer. Just stop it."  
"Fine. I just need to..." Homer said as he punches the narrator in the face. "Now stop annoying us." Homer went to sleep.

Where was I... Ah yes. Homer, the big fat tubby bald men in the bed who obviously doesn't know about his wife, children, or even friends can...

"That's it!" Homer said in anger.

Suddenly noises were heard down stairs.

"I can hear you know!" Homer yelled as he went down the stairs.

Homer picked up a baseball bat and saw a bunch of thieves in the living room. He slowly went back up and got Marge, Lisa, Bart, and Maggie out of their bedroom and towards the attic.

"Homer why are we going to the attic?" Marge asked as she entered the attic.

"There's a bunch of thieves and I have a panic room made fully of steel." Homer said.

"Where did you got the panic room? We can't afford this?" Lisa asked.

* * *

Meanwhile at Flanders's house.

Ned Flanders was walking to the hallway and passed his missing panic room door. Suddenly he notice it was gone.

"Oh diddly no!" Ned said.

* * *

The Simpsons entered the panic room and calmed down as they sat down at the chairs surrounded by supplies.

"What do we do now Homie?" Marge asked.

"Well... I already called the police during that Ned flashback." Homer said as he looked at the narrator.

"Ned flashback?" Bart asked. "What the hell do you mean?"

"You mean everyone in this Simpson family can't see the narrator, but me?" Homer said. "I must be crazy."

"What do we do now Mr. Crazy?"

"We can tell scary stories to pass the time."

"I guess so." Bart said. "I got a story."

"No way. All of your stories suck Bart."  
Marge looked at Homer angrily.

"I mean... go ahead..."

"My story is called Road Kill."

"That sounds like a racing movie." Lisa said.

"No! It's about an evil car that tries to run over everyone!" Bart yelled.

"You mean Christine. That was a good book and movie."

"Wait? You mean it's already been done?" Bart asked.

"Just go tell your lame story, Bart." Homer said.

* * *

Road Kill (Spoof of Christine)

Homer was in his car along with Barney, Moe, Carl, and Lenny drunken and waving beer in their hands. Homer was also singing a song in a Flintstone theme style.

"It's Homer who's going to home very early!" Homer sang. "He's going to crash into that building!"

Homer suddenly realized and screamed along with the rest of his friends. The car crashed into the building and was now a wreck.

"Why does bad things have to happen to me all the time?" Homer yelled.

* * *

Homer, Barney, and Moe was walking to the car garage sale. It had many different types of cars, but Homer only had 200$ and the cars here were over 1000$

"How am I going to get a car now?" Homer said.

"Doesn't that Nuclear Power Plant job of yours pay well?" Moe said.

"Only to support my family." Homer said angrily. "I guess we should go."

"Really? I thought it could give you a mansion of such of job... BURP!" Barney said.

Homer, Barney, and Moe walked down the fields of Springfield until Homer spotted a Plymouth Fury besides and old man. Homer ran to the car noticing it's very old and that not many of it is made these days.

"Ah. I see your interesting in the devil, I mean car." Mr. Burns said as he walked up to the man.

"Mr. Burns?" Homer said.

"Yes... eh..." Mr. Burns turned towards Smithers. "What's the guy's name again?"

"Homer Simpson, sir." Smither's said

"Yes, Homer Simpson." Mr. Burns said. "Anyway, the car can be sold to you for 50$."

"What's the catch?"

"There's no catch."

"But, old cars like these are usually expensive today because not many car companies make them. Plus, you're a guy who offers an expensive price."

"Do you want the car or not?"  
"I'll take it!"

Mr. Burns walked up to Barney.

"Hello. You look like a best friend of Homer Simpson. I must warn you about this car's terrible secret."

Suddenly Barney fell down the ground after a couple of beers.

"What about you? You look like Homer's second best friend?"

"Yes I am." Moe said.

"Good. I must warn you about that car. It has a very horrible secret that made me lowered the price."

"What is it?" Moe whispered.

"That car has a mind of its own. You must be careful of that car as it is jealous and will try to kill anyone close to that fat man. Not only that, it can't be destroyed easily. If you're lucky, the fat man may have a wife. The car always attacks the wife first, but sometimes the friend, or children."

"Wait a minute. Why does it want to kill his family and friends?" Moe whispered.

"It wants to keep the driver all by herself."

"I see... wait a minute. Kind of think of it, almost everyone in Springfield is Homer's friend and sometimes enemy. Oh well..." Moe said, "Is there anything else bad about this car?"

"Actually yes. It has bad radio."

"That's bad."

"But has really comfortable seats."

"That's good."

"But it has an 7-year old dead rotten chicken under the seats."  
"That's bad."

"But it has a built in TV."  
"That's good."  
"No it isn't. On the TV it shows animal planet on and on. It's horrible I say!" Mr. Burns yelled as Homer and Moe stepped into the car and drove home.

"Smithers? Who was that fat bald man and why is he taking the cursed car?" Mr. Burns said as he completely forgot what happened.

"That's Homer Simpson, sir. He's the guy you just sold the car too." Smithers answered.

"Oh. I see."

* * *

Homer was at home and showed his family's new car. They weren't surprised even though it was fixed and new.

"What do you think? I fixed the old car." Homer said.

"You didn't fixed it. You just told Ned to do all the work and threatened him that he'll blow up his house." Lisa said.

"Well... the car's done. So Marge, do you want to take a ride to the Drive-In theater of a Rated R-Movie?" Homer said smoothly to Marge.

"What movie is it?" Marge asked.

"The tickets say it's Psycho." Homer answered.

"Well okay, Homie."

"Can we come?" Bart said.

"Sorry boy. This is a rated R film and we need some time alone."

* * *

Homer and Marge were watching the movie Psycho at an Drive-In theater. As they watched the movie they were kissing.

"You know Marge this is... AHH!... and by the way you look very... AHH!" Homer screamed several times as he looked at Marge and the film.

"What? I can't exactly... AHH!... and by the way, you sure know how to... AHH!..." Marge screamed as she also looked at the film.

"You know Marge. I think I ran out of snacks. I'm going to... AHH!" Homer screamed as he stepped out of the car. Homer kept on walking to the snack center and screamed as he watched the movie.

As Marge waited suddenly the radio was turned on by itself.

"What's happening to this car? Well it is old, but has comfortable seats and..." Suddenly the windows were closed and Marge was gasping for air strangely. A car usually can't do this. As Marge was suffocating in the car, Homer spotted her with twelve hamburgers in his mouth.

Homer ran to the car and broke the glass with a metal bar and found Joe Quimby making out with a prostitute. He realized it was the wrong car.

"Doh!" Homer said to himself.

"Will you please go away?" Joe Quimby yelled.

Homer ran to the car and broke the window and broke it with the metal bar. Instead of finding Marge, he found Mr. Nental trying to kill a women with an insane smile.

"Doh!" Homer said.

"Will you go away? I'm trying to kill someone right now." Mr. Nental said.

"Sorry." Homer said. "That knife in your hand looks so real."

"Help Me!" The women screamed.

"Sorry lady, but I have to save my own lady."

"Oh, okay then." The women said as she calmed down even though she was going to be killed.

Homer ran to the next car and saw Marge suffocating with no air. He broke the window and Marge was finally breathing the air again.

"Jesus, I'm glad you're safe Marge." Homer said as he took Marge out of the car.

"I think this car is evil, Homer." Marge said.

"That's silly. I'll just fix whatever that problem was." Homer said. "Now let's go home."

* * *

Later at night, Homer parked the car at his own garage. He was sleeping with his wife, until he heard some noises. He got out of bed and checked through the window seeing the four school bullies of Bart's and Lisa's school trying to destroy his car. Homer got dressed up and entered the garage.

"What are you doing!" Homer yelled.

"What does it look like? Were destroying each car from a different house." Jimbo said. "What are you going to do about?"

"This!" Homer said as he pulled out a spiked weapon and chain, or also known as a mace or flail.

"Let's get out of here!" Jimbo said.

The bullies flee as Homer saw the car in damage. He hugged it strangely.

"I'll never let anyone destroy you again." Homer said.

Suddenly the car was fixing by itself. The cracked windows healed back to itself, the dents no longer became dents, and the tires fixed the holes. It had a mind.

* * *

Kearney, one of the school bullies was walking on the streets alone with an ice cream cone in his hand. Suddenly a flash of light appeared. It was the car that had a mind.

"What do you know? It's the fat bald man who can't even protect himself."

The car started driving towards Kearney really fast. Kearney later realize it was going to hit him on purpose.

"Whoa man. You're not really going to hit me with that car again are you?" Kearney said as he stood up on the ground.

The car started to go faster again towards Kearney. Kearney was running for his life. He kept on running until he was now at a dead end of an ally, but the car couldn't fit.

"Hah!" Kearney said with a smile.

The car started driving anyway causing parts of the car on the side to rip, destroyed, and break apart. The car crushed Kearney as the crows flew away.

"That's going to leave a mark." Homer said as he stepped out of the car. "Kind of think of it, that's a bunch of marks. At least the car has regeneration abilities."

* * *

A little later at night, the car was driving on the roads of Springfield at night, and saw Nelson, Jimbo, and Dolph.

"It's that car we just wrecked." Jimbo said.

Suddenly the car started going towards them faster and faster.

"What's he doing?" Dolph asked.

As the car went faster, the bullies started running away. Dolph and Jimbo were already too late as they were already run over and killed. Nelson dodged the car and instead of hitting another bully it crashed through the donut shop, Lard Lad, right in front of the police.

"Oh my god." Chief Wiggum said as he saw the crash. "That driver crashed through the donut shop! Our favorite place to hang out, get some coffee, and dip our donuts in. Now look what that driver's done, Lou."

"Should we chase after him?" Eddie asked.

"Duh! This is personal!" Chief Wiggum said as he took the wheel.

The car pulled itself out of the donut shop and chased after Nelson as the police car chased after the cursed car. The car finally done its job. It ran over Nelson, but stopped as the police car was chasing it.

"Uh Chief. The driver just killed a kid." Lou said.

"So? He destroyed our hang out spot."

"So?" Eddie asked.

"The car stopped, Chief!" Lou yelled.

The police car also stopped. The policemen stepped out of the car and went to check what was going on. As the policemen knocked on the window of the car, the windows slowly opened revealing that there was no driver.

"What the heck is going on Chief!" Lou asked.

"I don't know, but those seats look comfortable!" Chief Wiggum said with a smile.

"I mean that there's no driver!"

"Oh yeah, that too, but look at those seats!"

Suddenly the car's front lights turned on and faced towards the policemen as it started its engine by itself.

* * *

Marge was in her kitchen reading the newspaper of that four bullies and three policemen were ran over by a red car. The policemen's last words were, "I wonder if I'll ever have some cool seats like that." and then screamed and then repeated what he said, and screamed again.

"Homer! Look at this!" Marge yelled.

Homer came down and saw the newspaper.

"Oh my god!" Homer said.

"Yes I know!"

"They're having jeans that are my size for sale!"

"Not that Homer, I mean this." Marge said as he pointed at the article of seven deaths by a car.

"I think it's the same car that you just bought yesterday."

"That's silly. Marge."

"That car tried to suffocate me! Plus, it even says it's a red 1970 Plymouth Fury that ran them over with white tired wheels. Plus the wheel markings on the dead bodies are exactly the same on your car!" Marge yelled.

"Kind of think of it, that car has been driving itself lately."

"You mean you notice that and you didn't even do anything about it!"

"I thought all cars could do that. Maybe it's one of those animatronics cars."

"That car is from the 1970's. Errr... I'm going to Moe's" Marge said.

"Now that's strange. Usually I say that I want to go to Moe's... Well bye." Homer said.

* * *

Marge was drinking at Moe's and talking about that stupid car, yet she is not drunk somehow.

"So you think that car's evil?" Moe said as his eyes moved back and forth.

"Why are your eyes like that Moe? Do you know something about this?" Marge asked.

"Umm... No... Okay! I do!" Moe yelled.

"Why haven't you told me about this!"

"Because, there was other people who also got almost kill by that car." Moe said. "Anyway the car is possessed by an evil spirit. It tries to take control of the driver and will try to kill whoever is close to him. Mr. Burns said it's usually the wife."

"Mr. Burns knows about this?"

"Yep. Old timer told me that the only thing that can stop the car is that some other new owner will have to drive it, but doesn't have a wife or friends and everyone is safe then."

"What about Krusty, Sideshow Bob, Snake, or that one strange health teacher."

"You mean Dr. Nental?"  
"Doctor?"

"Yeah, he has more than one job. I think he's also a psychiatrist too? Strange guy, always telling his fake murder stories. He might be perfect for that cursed car."

"Then let's go now." Marge said.

* * *

Homer was cleaning his car in his garage. When he was finished, he stepped into the car and took the wheel. Suddenly his mind was completely changed somehow. Usually the changes happen slowly, but for Homer Simpson that has such a small brain. Anything could happen. Homer drove the car out of the garage and to the roads of Springfield.

Moe and Marge were walking on the streets trying to figure out how to capture the car without getting ran over. As they were walking, a flash of light appeared. They turned around and saw Homer in the red car.

"Hey! It's Homer!" Moe said.

The engine suddenly started inside the car.

"I guess we should run." Marge said as she and Moe ran away from the car.

The car just kept on chasing the two until they got separated. Only thing, is that it was chasing Marge. After a while Marge was at a junkyard and the car was still chasing her. Later, she was at a dead-end because of a huge pile of trash in front of her.

"Homer stop!" Marge said.

The car started to drive fast towards the woman until a huge magnet attached to a crane picked up the car. The crane was controlled by Moe.

"Take that, you bunch of scrap metal."

Homer tried to start the car, but nothing happened.

"Homer! Get out of there!" Marge yelled.

"Never! Your trying to destroy my precious car!"

"Do you think it's more precious than me?"

"Duh! A car is even better!"

"What about beer?" Moe asked.

"BEER!" Homer yelled as he jumped off the car.

Homer stood up from the ground and saw a disappointed Marge.

"So you think a can of Beer and a car is better than your family?" Marge said.

"That's when I was possessed by that evil car, Marge." Homer explained.

Moe stepped out of the crane and went towards the two.

"Let's celebrate for stopping the car, with a nice can of beer."

Suddenly Homer swiped the beer cans and quickly drank it all at once.

* * *

A little later, at Mr. Nental's house.

"Jesus, that's a huge house!" Moe said. "It kind of looks more like a haunted mansion though."

"Yes, it is." Mr. Nental said. "So where's my car?"

"Here it is!" Marge said with a smile. "It's just like you wanted it. Evil, can kill, and has comfortable seats."

"Good. Me and this car have so much in common." Mr. Nental said.

"You better be careful though." Homer said. "The car can possess the driver."

"Hah! Possess me. I'm more evil than any criminal here."

"Yeah right." Moe said.

* * *

"What do you think?" Bart asked as he was eating canned tuna in the panic room.

"I give it a D." Homer said.

"D." Marge said

"D." Lisa said.

Maggie took out her pacifier and opened her mouth. "D" Maggie said.

"Even you Maggie?" Bart said.

"I've got a story!" Lisa said. "It's about a man who is cursed and turns thin."

"That doesn't sound scary." Marge said.

"Well, if you hear it, then it is."

* * *

The Thinnest Loser (A spoof of Thinner)

Homer was driving in his car with Marge on the roads of Springfield. It was dark in the town and was also filled with luminous light.

"So Homer? What do you think about after that wonderful dinner we had tonight?" Marge said smoothly as she looked at his husband.

"I don't know." Homer said smoothly with a smile.

In his thoughts was a monkey fighting another monkey with knives on a pirate boat.

"I bet the monkey with the eye patch would win." Homer said to himself.

"What?" Marge said as she wondered why he just said that.

"Uh... nothing Marge. Though that chicken at the restaurant sure was delicious."

"Is that all you think about? Food?"

"I don't just think about food. There's you, the kids, beer, football, and... the kids." Homer said.

"You already said kids, but what do you think is better? Me or food?" Marge asked.

"Well..."

"Say food! Food! FOOD!" Homer's mind said.

"Say Marge, if you love her!" Homer's mind 2 said.

"I know what's better than that?"

"What?"

"Beer."

"Mmm... imaginary beer"

"Well you can't beat beer, mind #2"

"I guess so... Just lie to Marge then."

"Okay Mind#2" Homer said out loud as Marge looked at him again. "I think that your better than everyone, everything, and even me..."

"Good." Homer's Mind 2. "Now lie, that you love her."

"I love you Marge." Homer said.

"Okay, now... WATCH OUT!" Homer's Mind 1 yelled.

"Watch out for what?..." Homer looked and saw an old lady in front of her.

Homer tried to stop the car, but instead the car hit her on accident causing her death. Homer and Marge quickly stepped out of the car and saw the old lady. Homer picks up a stick and poked her in the eye. She wasn't budging.

"Oh my god! She's dead!" Marge yelled.

"Don't worry Marge. All we just got to do is bury the body in the deepest lake then hide the evidence and no one will ever find out about it..." Homer said until a old man was in front of him.

"Find out about what?" A gypsy Burns said.

"AHH!" Homer yelled out loud.

"Wait a minute. You killed my mother!"

"But... um... wait a minute... Your too old, and she's even older. She should be dead right now."

The gypsy Burns looked at him angrily.

"Oh yeah, she is dead." Homer said nervously.

"I am going to curse you with just one word and a touch of the finger. Thinner." Gypsy Burns said as he touched the man.

"Yeah right old timer. A curse. Who the heck believes in curses." Homer said as he and his wife walked away.

"Gypsy Smithers?" Mr. Burns yelled. Suddenly a gypsy Smithers arrived.

"What is it sir?" Gypsy Smithers asked.

"Who was that man?"

"That's, um, Homer Simpson sir. You just cursed him a few minutes ago."

"Simpson, eh. That fat man will soon be thin as bone." Mr. Burns laughed with an evil grin. "Anyway Gypsy Smithers. Let's have a coke tonight to celebrate the death of my annoying mother who calls me every day."

"I thought you cursed Homer Simpson because you felt sorry for her." Smithers said.

"What? No, no. You got it all wrong. You see, my old chum, Homer stole the life of my mother, so I will steal the life of his. It's the code, don't you know this? Payback to get something in return."

* * *

It was Saturday morning at the Simpsons house and Homer awoke from the bed. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, took a shower, and put on some clothes. After that he went to the weight scale. He really didn't know why he should. He mostly weighs the same or even gains a lot. After the weight scale he got off, but suddenly he quickly went on the weight scale again as he noticed something. He suddenly lost fourteen pounds! That was not normal, but Homer was actually happy.

"Hurray, but how did this happen? I never had any exercise?" Homer's mind said.

"Shut up. You lost some weight. Celebrate with some nice bacon." Homer's stomach said.

Homer ran down the stairs and to the kitchen as he saw his family.

"Guess what kids, wife, dog, cat, and beer!" Homer yelled with a smile.

"What is it Homer?" Bart asked.

"I lost fourteen pounds!"

"What? No way." Lisa said as she actually disagree with something of a belief rather than facts.

"No, really! I'll even show you!" Homer said as he brought the weight scale.

Homer standed on the weight scale and the family watched what number he was on. Usually he weighed at 239 (this is Homer's weight from the episode King Size Homer). On the scale says 225.

"This is great Homer!" Marge said. "Maybe we should keep it up. I'll start making some boiled vegetables..."

Marge suddenly notice that Homer disappeared until she looked back at the kitchen table. Homer was sitting at the table devouring so much food.

"Uh... Homer. Maybe you should try to lose weight even further, instead of gaining weight." Marge suggested.

"What's the big deal Marge? It's okay. It's not like I'm going to die or anything." Homer said until he accidently picked up the rat poisoning and put it in his mouth without even reading it. "Why do I always use the products... without even... reading them...?"

"I wonder how that rat poisoning got there?" Lisa asked herself.

Suddenly Bart's eyes moved back and forth.

* * *

On the next day, Homer weighed himself again. Instead of gaining weight, he lost sixteen pounds, which is highly unusually! Now he is 209 pounds. Homer ran to the kitchen table and looked a little more slim, yet still looked fat.

"Hello guys! I just lost sixteen pounds!" Homer said.

"Sixteen pounds?" Marge said with a worried face. "Me and Lisa read about this type of dangerous cancer that can make you lose weight but can also kill you really fast. I think you see a doctor!"

"That's nonsense Marge. Well... I'm going to Moe's."

* * *

Homer took his can of beer until Moe notice something different about him.

"You look a little different Homer. Anything new?" Moe asked.

"Actually yes. Yesterday, I lost fourteen pounds. Today, it is sixteen pounds."

"That sounds bad Homer."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... there's usually three explanations for this. It's either cancer, a gypsy curse, or I'm probably just dreaming."

"Well you're not dreaming."

"Prove it." Moe asked.

Homer punched Moe in the face so hard it caused a tooth to fall out of his mouth.

"That really hurt. I'm guessing I'm not dreaming. Anyway anything strange happened to you that involved a gypsy. I mean, there are actually many ways that people can have cancer."

"Well, gypsy Burns did touch me and said Thinner in a creepy voice."

"That's it!"

"What?"

"I finally finished making my new watermelon soda with organic flavors. Anyway, gypsy Burns said he was going to curse you?"

"Yes."

"Well... I heard that the only way to find a cure to your gypsy problem is that the gypsy who cause the problem can cure it. I heard that some guy named Barney got cursed by the same gypsy. He was so mad that he wasn't invited, because of that, he slashed everyone's tires. He's staying at West Hills, an apartment, south of Springfield."

"That place? I've seen it many times and I know where it is."

"Good, but be careful. I heard this guy is crazy!"

* * *

Homer walked into his house and into the living room. He looked a bit more thinner than usual. As he entered the living room, he saw Marge chatting with Ned.

"What's going on here?" Homer said.

"I'm just chatting with Ned for some help." Marge said.

"There's nothing between you two... is there?"

"No Homer. Were just chatting about your mysterious weight losing problem." Ned answered.

"Well... okay..." Homer said as he picked up his car keys on the table.

* * *

Homer was standing right in front of Barney's house. He opened the door and heard a voice.

"Who are you?" Barney said in the shadows.

"Are you Barney? I need to ask you something. Are you really cursed by the gypsy?"

"Actually yes. Ever since that gypsy came, he made me drunken, fat, and ugly than anyone in Springfield."

"You look drunk, ugly, and fat in this 1984 picture at the baseball game." Homer said as he looked at the old picture on the wall.

"Really? I guess he cursed me by giving me this huge rash." Barney said as he stepped out of the shadows with a huge rash on his back, left arm, and half of his face.

"Eww..." Homer said.

"I know, it's disgusting." Barney said. "If you want to find gypsy Burns, I suggest you look at Springfield Greeny Fields. I heard he's having a party there. Not only that, he's actually 203 years old and his dog is 102."

"What? He had a dog?" Homer said in surprised. "Anyway, I want to find that gypsy Burns."

"Good luck. By the way... Can you do me a favor." Barney said as he grabbed a gun.

"What is it?"

"I want him to know that I said 'Hi' to him."

"Oh thank god. I thought you wanted me to kill him with that gun."

"This thing? I just use it to open the laundry machine and balance the table." Barney said as he put the gun under the table causing it to be balanced.

* * *

Homer was now at the Springfield Greeny Fields. He saw a party filled with gypsies. As he walked towards the party, he saw gypsy Burns.

"Hello Burns." Homer said in anger. "Oh and... 'Hi'."

"Yes? Who are you?" Gypsy Burns asked.

"I'm Homer Simpson. The one that got cursed by you. I want it to stop right now!"

"I don't know who you are, but no. I will never take that curse off you."

Homer angrily grabbed the man by the shirt. Suddenly, other gypsy's pulled out pistols towards the once fat man.

"Fine." Homer said. "But listen to me, old man. I am going to curse you... You hear me!"

"You must've gone mad. Only a gypsy can create curses." Gypsy Burns said as Homer left.

* * *

Homer was at a hotel, with Dr. Hibbert. The bald man was almost thin as bone and was dying.

"This is not cancer. It's very unusual. Anyway, a friend came here to see you." Dr. Hibbert said as he left him on the chair and chuckled a bit.

Moe came in and saw Homer who had a hard time breathing.

"Man, that curse on you must be really painful." Moe said. "By the way, I'm here to help you."

"Moe... I want you to do something for me..." Homer said.

"Sure, anything for you, pal."

"I want... you... to... kill those damn gypsies. Not gypsy... Burns, though. I want to... meet him at the park... Can you?..."

"Well... I said I do it. So, I'll do it." Moe said as he grabbed his shotgun.

"Oh yeah... can you get me some of... those little hot dogs at the Kwik-E-Mart?"

"Sure."

* * *

Moe was at Springfield Greeny Fields and carried a shotgun, pistol, and some grenades he stole from the army. Moe hid behind a tree and then he pulled out his shotgun and aimed at one of the gypsies. He pressed the trigger causing the gypsy dead. He then shot other gypsies.

"Who's shooting at us?" A gypsy said until he got shot as well.

The gypsy's pulled out there guns and Moe threw a grenade. He then pulled out a pistol and shot Gypsy Smithers dead on the ground.

"Whoever is doing this! Stop it, right now!" Gypsy Burns said until an paper airplane hit him in the head.

Gypsy Burns noticed that the mysterious man disappeared and then looked at the note. It said, "Meet him at the park."

* * *

Homer and Moe was now at the park. Homer slowly sat down at a white bench, waiting for Gypsy Burns.

"Okay, Homer. I'll comeback in two hours." Moe said.

After an hour, Gypsy Burns saw the fat man and slowly walked to him. He then sat down beside him.

"Hmph... I know the one who killed my men, wasn't you. The man wouldn't be thin as bones like you as he was able to run. You're lucky to be even alive." Gypsy Burns said.

"Just remove the curse." Homer said weakly.

"Remove? It can't be removed unless that person dies with it. It can be transferred to another person though. This is why I brought this pie." Gypsy Burns showed the thin man the pie and a knife. "Since you want the curse off... I'll have to do this."

Mr. Burns stabbed Homer's right hand, causing blood to drip into the pie.

"AHH!" Homer screamed in pain.

Gypsy Burns took out the knife and blood disappeared into the pie.

"There you have it. A cursed pie, but it must have a new host..."

"I know... someone..." Homer said as he thought that Marge was having an affair or divorce.

* * *

Homer was now fat again and stepped into his house.

"Oh Marge!" Homer yelled as he held a box in his hand.

"Homer? Is that you?" Marge said as she came down the stairs. "Thank god, you're not hurt."

"Yes, but anyway, here's a pie."

"Uh... Homer..." Marge said as she opened the box.

"What?"

"I don't see a pie in here."

"Strange, I wonder where... DOH!" Homer said as he realized he ate the pie.

Suddenly he was becoming thinner again.

* * *

"That was a good story Lisa." Homer said. "It was way better than Bart's dumb story.

Bart was looking at his father angrily.

"What? Anyway, it's my turn for a story."

"What is it Homer?" Marge asked.

* * *

Simpson Guy (Spoof of Family Guy)

Prof. Frink, both a scientist, inventor, and math teacher, has created a new invention. In front of him was a strange invention that had two rooms with two doors and connected together by cables. On top had a antenna.

"I've finally finished my greatest invention. The clonathon! Glavin! A machine capable of cloning living things, but also objects faster than any cloning machine that ever existed before in human history." Prof. Frank laughed. "Now to test it by putting this lamb inside."

"Not so fast." Mr. Burns said. "I'll be taking that machine. My lawyers already find out a way where I can take that machine without having a lawsuit. First, I will clone a human to the perfect employee."

"What? You can't clone a human! That's illegal today for religion, jobs, and the population. Plus, cloning a human may turn out some kind of freakish monster of some sort or become the opposite of its behavior. You don't know what could happen!"

"Sorry, but I also manage to took out that law for three days and I don't care if it will turn into an abomination. Now bye."

* * *

"Now which one shall we start with?" Mr. Burns said as he looked at thousands of screens showing people working in his own Nuclear Power Plant. "Let's test it on someone stupid and see if we can create a smart human being. What about that fellow?"

Mr. Burns looked at a screen showing Homer asleep in his chair.

"That's Homer Simpsons, sir." Smithers said.

"Homer Simpson, eh. Bring him to me."

Smithers went to the intercom and called Homer Simpson.

"Homer Simpson." Smithers said as Homer waked up. "Mr. Burns would like to see you. That is all."

* * *

Homer Simpson ran into Mr. Burns Office and saw Mr. Burns and Smithers.

"Hello...um... Homer Simpson, yes that's right. Homer Simpson." Mr. Burns said. "I would like you to help me in a certain project."

"Sure. What is it?" Homer asked.

"I want you to be the subject of my cloning machine. I need the excellent worker on my side. This is only for a test."

"I thought cloning humans were illegal."

"Yes, but I have three days that the law is removed. After that, the law is back in place."

"Well... okay." Homer said as he stepped into the clonathon.

"Anyway Homer, I must warn you that... where the heck did he got that donut?" Mr. Burns yelled as he saw Homer eating a donut in the clonathon. "Oh well."

Mr. Burns pressed a button on the clonathon causing it to activate. Electricity suddenly came from the machine and mist was inside the room where Homer was. After a while it stopped. Homer stepped out of the machine.

"Are you in pain?" Smithers asked.

"Not really." Homer said as part of his pants are on fire.

Another man stepped out of the machine. He looked a bit like Homer. The only difference was that his pants were green, had brown hair, his skin wasn't yellow, had a strange chin, and his neck was really big and flabby. In fact, he was more fatter than Homer Simpson.

"This doesn't look like a great worker and Prof. Frink was right. There are some problems with the clonathon." Smithers said.

"Nonsense. You shouldn't judge by their looks. We should test him." Mr. Burns said until the clone hit himself by walking into a desk. "I think he's blind. He needs glasses."

Mr. Burns swiped Smither's glasses and put it on the clone's face.

"There we go. What shall we call him."

Now Smither's was blind.

"What about Peter? It's a nice name." Homer suggested.

"Not bad. I like it, but he also needs a last name."

"What about Griffin?"

"That's great. Peter Griffin. How did you thought of Griffin, though?"

"I don't know." Homer said as he saw a Griffin flying in the air.

"Well, anyway... this clone will be called Peter Griffin. A new man is born."

"Peter Griffin?" Peter said. "I wanted to be called 'The Rock', or 'Rambo'."

"What? Me too!" Homer said. "I'll think will be good friends."

* * *

Mr. Burns was in his office reading Peter's results of the test. Smither's, Homer, and Peter were standing right in front of a disappointed Burns.

"Looks like I was wrong. You are horrible, but I don't think I should just give up." Mr. Burns said with an angry look on his face. "I will give you a job today in this Power Plant. You'll be the second Nuclear Inspector. Homer is your instructor. Don't fail me, or you'll be living on the streets like a dog with rabies."

"Okay... sir..." Peter said in fear.

"Now go."

* * *

"Hey Homer? Who's the new guy?" Carl said as he entered Homer's office along with Lenny.

"Yeah, he kind of almost looks like you except more obese, has a huge chin, and has small glasses. Love the hair though." Lenny said with a smile and thumbs up.

"Thank you." Peter said.

"Yep. Well, we got to go." Carl said.

"Okay buddy." Homer said as Peter and him or in his office. "This is my office... office. You got that? It's called an office."

"I can understand you know." Peter said.

"Oh. In that case then... my training is done."

"But?..."

"No buts. It's sleeping time for me." Homer said as the "DANGER!" sign was glowing.

"Well. I guess it's my time to shine. I wonder what does this button do?" Peter said.

Suddenly the whole town was blown up by the nuclear power plant... in Peter's imagination it is...

"Maybe I shouldn't press this button." Peter said. "I'll just press this one."

* * *

Three hours later, outside of the Nuclear Power Plant.

The Nuclear Power Plant was on fire. It was more bigger than last time when Homer caused it a few years ago.

"Peter!" Mr. Burns said in anger. Peter came as he worried that he might already be a loser with no smarts, talents, or anything.

"What happened here!"

"It's my first day." Peter answered

"Yeah right. That's what you said last time, Homer Simpson."

"My name is Peter Griffin. Don't you remember?"

"Trying to trick me again, eh, Homer."

"Uh Monty Burns." Smither's said. "That really is Peter Griffin and this is also his first day."

"I see. Well um... Smither's... what's his name again?"

"Peter Griffin sir. The new guy and I just told you his name."

"Peter Griffin, eh. Don't mess up again Peter Griffin." Mr. Burns said as he turned towards Homer Simpson. "As for you Homer Simpson, you better not mess up either."

After that talk, Mr. Burns and Smither's walked away.

"Now that's strange." Homer said. "Usually he forgets my name. Now he remembers my name and forgets your name, Peter."

"I know. It's like I'm getting the attention now." Peter said.

"Oh well. Work is over now. Time to go home to see my caring family... eh..." Homer said in disappointment.

"Oh... Yep go to... um... well, a place where you have a family, a home, a couple of friends."

"Actually, in my childhood I had four friends. They were Moe and Barney. Yep, good time, good times."

"Oh... four friends..."

Homer saw Peter Griffin about to walk into the streets of Springfield with no cash to get a hotel and become very lonely.

"Wait! Peter!" Homer yelled.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to have a place to stay tonight?"

"Yeah, I would like to!" Peter said.

* * *

"Ned! Peter needs a place to stay tonight." Homer yelled at him as he was mowing his garden.

"Sure, diddly doo, neighborino." Ned said with a smile.

"Does he always do this?" Peter whispered to Homer.

"At least you have a place to stay."

"I rather shoot myself rather than hearing this old timer."

"Yep. I would too. Anyway, Flanders, he's going to only sleep at your house at night. Till then, he's going to meet my family, and friends."

"Okay, Homer."

* * *

Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin entered the house where Homer lives. As Peter entered it, he saw a baby in blue clothes on the ground.

"Aww, it's so cute." Peter said with a smile. "What's her name."

"Her name is... um... was it Lisa..." Homer thought. "Probably Bart... no wait... that's a boy's name... I think it was... Maggie or something like that. By the way, did you know she saved my life from some EPA guy after a dome broke.

"No way."

"Plus, Maggie has also been acting strange lately. I think she may have been carrying guns..."

Suddenly Maggie's eyes were shaking back and forth in a suspicious manner.

* * *

Homer and his friends walked into the next room on the first floor. This time they saw an nine-year old girl sitting on the couch and reading a book called "The Mist".

"This is Lisa. She's nine right now. Her IQ is 159."

"Dad. That's my last year's IQ. It's probably a bit higher." Lisa said.

"Dang. A kid with that kind of a IQ. Plus, I thought nerds were ugly. She might grow into a beauty some day." Peter said.

"Are you a child molester?" Homer said angrily as he raised his fist.

"No I am not." Peter said.

"Oh... good." Homer said with a smile.

Suddenly Peter's eyes were moving back and forth suspiciously.

* * *

Homer and Peter walked into the kitchen and saw Marge preparing supper.

"Wow. Is that your wife!" Peter said. "That is one heck of a wife. Plus, that is one big as..."

"Hey, pork chops." Homer interrupted.

"Never mind." Peter said as he thought this might upset both the wife and husband. "You know. Lot's a people like blue and tall things. You sure picked the right hair style... um... what's your name?"

"Marge." Marge said happily as she her the comment about her hair.

"Did you know she looks a bit more skinnier if you put a tight shirt around her. She sometimes looks a bit more se..." Homer said

"Turkeys done."

"Hey Marge." Peter said as he took a camera and took a picture.

"What?" Marge said.

"What does your hair look like when it's down?"

"I don't really kno..."

Suddenly Marge was hit with a bunch of water from a bucket that Peter got out of nowhere and then Peter took a picture.

"Wow! I can't tell what's better!" Peter said. "The hair that's facing up or the hair that's facing down! They are both beautiful! Maybe it's because it's blue, though that's a bit strange..."

"What do you mean?" Marge asked.

"Blue... is kind of... not one of those natural hair colors. Did you died it or something."

"Well." Homer said. "I have heard rumors that her hair is actually blonde because of our children's hair color, and then there's gray because of her sisters, and I even heard that it's brunette. Some people say that blue is her natural color because of his dad, mother, and some of her other ancestors. That will just be a mystery though."

"Yeah, let's just leave that alone, but that is still a heck of a wife. She is totally skinny. I've never seen such a skinny wife with blue hair and a nice as..." Peter said as he continue to take pictures.

"Why are still taking pictures?" Homer interrupted.

"Just comparing them." Peter answered. "And then edit them a little." Peter thought.

* * *

Homer and Peter was now on the second room and was in Bart's room.

"Hey Bart! Meet my new friend." Homer said as he and Peter enter his room.

"I'm Bart, who the hell are you." Bart said.

"That is freaking cool." Peter said.

"You mean you're not mad, of what I said?"

"Yeah, are you one of those cool kids at school?"

"Yep. Don't steal any of my phrases or I'll egg your house in ways you never imagined." Bart said as he was looking at an old ostrich egg under his bed.

"I wish I had a son like that." Peter said as he looked at the ground. "I don't even have a family. I mean, Maggie is so adorable, Lisa had an IQ of 159, Bart is cool and a bad boy, and your wife is so freaking hot that I just want to put her in porno videos."

"Well..." Homer said. "You can meet my friends."

"Sure buddy."

"By the way, I need to do something first."

"Sure, anything."

"Okay!" Homer said angrily as he strangled his huge neck as he still remembered what he said about his wife. Homer is a master at strangling people no matter how strong or big the neck is, he can strangle an elephant, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and even himself. "That's for talking about my wife like that, you sexual thinking bastard! DO IT AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU!"

"He's not joking!" Lenny said as he saw Homer choking Peter through a window from the sidewalk

"...so...rry..." Peter said as he was trying to talk as Homer kept on strangling. After that he stopped.

"I hope you learned your lesson not to mess with people's wives."

"Yep. I'll never mess with your blue haired hottie again, that everyone might want to have..."

Suddenly Homer was strangling him in anger.

"Not everyone wants to have whatever you just said." Homer said.

"You mean sex?" Peter answered

Suddenly Homer strangled him even further."

"Now no one does not want to make love with my wife!" Homer said.

"Who wants to... make love... with Homer's... wife!" Peter yelled so loud to the world as he was being strangled by Homer Simpson.

Suddenly, all the men, husbands, and even lesbians were raising their hands who heard him.

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" Homer yelled in furious uncontrollable anger and picked up knives, guns, grenades, and even a shotgun. The man jumped out of the window and he began hunting the ones he hated already.

"Oh my god." Peter said as he looked through the window. "Is he really going to kill them?"

"Yep. This time he will." Bart said as he looked through the window. "Something like that won't calm him down until November. If possible, 2:31. By the way, what's making love?"

"Well kid. Making love is..."

Three seconds later.

"AHHH!" Bart screamed out loud to the whole world.

* * *

Homer (Who is still upset of what Peter said) and Peter were walking into Moe's Bar.

"Hello everybody!" Homer."

"Hi Homer... BURP!" Barney said.

"So this is the gang."

"Hey Homer. You look a little strange." Moe said as he noticed that his face hasn't been making movement. "Uh, you... the new guy that befriended Homer who I heard all about today. Do you know what happened."

Peter went to the bartender and whispered it into his year.

"Uh huh... yeah... I see... YOU WHAT!" Moe yelled out loud. "You can't do that. Jesus, this must be the third time it happened."

"What do you mean third time?" Peter asked.

"Some other nut said something like that too. Homer almost killed him because of it."

"By the way... Is it really true that men would like to have..." Peter said until he whispered the rest into his ear.

"Of course that every man would like to date Marge and even... you know what..." Moe said it out loud without thinking. "We even had polls everywhere and it was one-hundred percent."

Suddenly Homer went berserk as he heard Moe's words. He ran towards Moe with a knife until Moe shot Homer's mouth with a water gun filled with duff beer. Suddenly, Homer calmed down.

"That was a close one." Carl said.

"Well... I guess I shouldn't ever say that again." Peter said.

"Yep." Lenny said. "Some of us actually do want say it, so we use these sound proof cups to cover what we just said. There expensive in Springfield though, because it's sponsored by Mr. Burns."

"I don't need one. I can control my own mouth and voice."

* * *

It was nighttime and Peter was on his guest bed thinking about himself being alone. He wanted his own family that would make him feel that he's not a freak because of how fat, stupid, and that his skin color is pink.

"Hey! That's racist!" Peter said in an angry voice to the narrator."

"Sorry. How else am I supposed to explain the difference?" The narrator asked. "I mean, I do have to explain how you look like and all. I can't just say your American."

"You got a good point there."

"By the way... how the heck can you talk to me. I thought only Homer Simpson can and plus... this is just a story told by an fat man."

"Whatever. Can we just go back to the story?" Peter asked.

"Sure."

Peter suddenly thought of an idea to get a family of his own. He just needed some DNA from The Simpsons.

* * *

Peter Griffin slowly walked into The Simpsons house capturing fingerprints, hair, and saliva. After that he got out of the house and headed towards Prof. Frink's house. As he made it there, he knocked on the door.

"Who is it, with the knocking, and the wood, with the door knob, Glavin!" Prof. Frink said as he opened the door to see Peter Griffin. "It's you! The human clone."

"Look pal! I want you to create a family for me! I heard you made a second clonathon!" Peter said.

"Well... the law about banning human cloning is coming up in two more days. Sure! Why not?"

* * *

The next day.

"Hey Simpsons!" Peter said as The Simpsons waited in another room.

"What's the surprised?" Bart asked.

"You can come in now!" Peter yelled.

The Simpsons entered the other room and saw two more guys and two more women in the house.

"It's the Griffin's with an S. I have a family guys! It also includes a dog!" Peter said happily. "Meet my wife, Lois! She's the clone from Marge."

"Interesting." Homer said. "Your wife may not be skinny, has a huge head, and may be a little fat..."

"Hey!" Lois said.

"Uh Homer." Bart said. "There all have huge heads, and are a little bit fat... actually Peter's two son's are pretty fat."

"I'm not a boy!" Meg said.

"Anyway." Homer said. "Your wife has red hair and a name from Super Man."

"Yep." Peter said. "She may not have blue, but red is just fine."

"But there is probably one huge issue I have with your wife."

"What is it?"

"Her huge nose."

"What?" Lois said angrily. "I do not have a huge... Well actually it is a bit huge."

"Actually... you have to admit, that nose is pretty huge, but I'm okay with it... WHO AM I KIDDING. Your nose is bigger than Barbara Streisand!" Peter yelled in horror.

"Now let's see your children." Homer said. "Your kids are named Chris, Meg, and Stewie. Am I right?"

"Yes?"

"Chris seems to be fat as me, a sissy, and nowhere near cool. Kind of think of it, a bunch of nerds can throw him in the trashcan. The ugly nerds."

"Now Meg is based off of Lisa... am I right?"

"Well, actually she's based off the Crazy Cat lady. Lisa was having a sleepover I think?" Peter answered.

"Well that explains how ugly she is and the big nose."

"Now Stewie is evil right?"

"How would I know?"

"Anyway, Stewie seems to be the opposite of Maggie almost every way... where is Stewie anyway?"

"Uh... Homer? Have you seen Maggie?" Lisa asked.

"Well. Actually no." Homer said.

* * *

Stewie and Maggie were at the Simpsons basement. Maggie was tied to a chair by rope, and Stewie was torturing her by breaking her favorite toys... or tools. Stewie started destroying the hammer, then the screwdriver, then the power saw.

"Tell me, where's this Mr. Burns I have been hearing all about. This guy seems so interesting, that I want to meet him. NOW WHERE IS HE!" Stewie said.

Suddenly Maggie finally cut the rope around her with a nail. After that he leaped from the chair and landed on Stewie. Then she leaped for a screw driver and activated it.

"Wait! Stop! I'll do anything." Stewie said in fear, until he picked up a pistol. "Hah! You could've almost killed me there, but it's my turn!"

Maggie finally realized there was only one thing to do. She just pulled out a pacifier and pushed it in Stewie mouth.

"What the heck is this going to do. Now I'm going to shoot you... Hey. This is addicting. I like this" Stewie said as he was enjoying the pacifier.

Maggie picked up the gun and faced it towards Stewie.

"OH DAMMIT!" Stewie said.

3 min. later.

Stewie was tied to a chair and was forced to watch the movie "Speed Racer".

"I rather shoot myself than watch this." Stewie said.

"Hey there you are." Lois said.

"Oh no!" Stewie said. "Send me back to Speed Racer. ANYTHING BUT THIS!"

"Guess what Stewie. A bunch of men from FOX just showed up at our door and wants us to be in our own TV show."

"Excellent." Stewie said in a Monty Burns style. "Still I really wanted to meet this Monty Burns guy."

"Whatever Stewie." Peter said in the living room with The Simpsons. "I wonder what that film, Speed Racer is like?"

Suddenly a flashback appeared out of nowhere showing Peter throwing food at the tv and arguing with the movie all day.

"What just happened?" Bart asked.

"It's a flashback." Homer said as both the Simpsons and Griffins looked scared. Everyone but Homer and Peter. "What's wrong with you? I get flashbacks all the time."

"Yep. Technically for some reason, I get a flashback every second." Peter said.

"Whatever."

* * *

"That's just a rip-off of Family Guy." Marge Simpson as she was seating in the panic room.

"So! Family Guy is a rip-off at that one animated show that has over twenty seasons. I don't remember. Plus, it's also a rip-off of the Twilight Zone, South Park, and King of the Hill." Homer argued.

"He's got a point." Lisa said.

"I'm outta here." Bart said. "I wonder if those thieves ever went away yet?"

"Nope. There still there?" Homer said "Now who wants to hear the story of..."

"Is it another rip-off story just like the other three?" Marge asked.

"Umm... No... Yes..."

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Gypsy Burns, The Cursed Car, Peter Griffin, Kang, and Kodos were playing poker together at Peter's new house.

"So Peter? I know you're not real since you're from a story." Kang said. "But how were you able to afford this house?"

"I won it in a poker game." Peter answered. "Now I'm going to win a TV in this poker game."

"Does anyone 5's?" Gypsy Burns asked.

"BEEP! BEEP!" The Cursed Car said.

"I won again!" Peter said.

The Cursed Car got angry again for losing. It started it's engine and Gypsy Burns, Peter Griffin, Kang, and Kodos started running away as the Curse Car started chasing them.

"I hate female cars, but has really good comfortable seats!" Gypsy Burns yelled.


	6. Don't Mess with the Babysitter!

Couch Scene: The Simpsons walks towards the couch until they saw The Griffins (from Family Guy) are already on the couch.

* * *

"Bye Homer." Bart said as he carried a bag of spoiled eggs and stepped out of the house. "Well, time for me to go to school."

"You seem strange this morning, with your evil look and sinister voice, Bart." Homer said. "Well, you're an American, so... you can't be evil."

"What about Al Capone, Ed Gein, Charles Mason, President George Bush, and Michael Bay?" Lisa ask.

"Err... Transformers Revenge of the Fallen... Eww..." Homer said in disgust as he remembered the film. "Well... good bye."

Homer slammed the door and went to the table where his wife sat. She was drinking coffee and Homer went to get some beer.

"So... how's life been..." Homer asked as he took a sip of his beer.

"Fine... fine..." Marge said. "When's the last time we actually... did something together?"

"Well... hmm... You know, I don't remember."

"Oh. I see. So, what's it like working at the plant?"

"It's good. I actually worked yesterday and read a book. It was hard."

"Uh huh."

"Do you want to snuggle in bed? I'm kind of bored..." Homer said.

"Do you think we can just do more than snuggling in bed?" Marge asked.

"You know... I never thought about that. Let's go to Moe's."

"Homer. I think our marriage is... well... falling apart."

"What?" Homer yelled with surprised. "That can't be true."

"Homer, all we've done is talk about your problems and life, make love in bed, and watch TV and drink at the same time!" Marge yelled in anger. "It's driving me nuts!"

"Oh... Well, how bout for once... um... let's do something you might want to do."

"Finally! You actually ask something that a wife would want to do! Anyway, let's do some yoga. I hear it relaxes the body. I've been stressed lately."

"Sure, Marge. Anything you say." Homer said with a fake smile.

* * *

Homer and Marge were doing yoga in the living room with smooth music. Homer was actually enjoying something that Marge was doing.

"You know, Marge. This is not so bad. " Homer said as his eyes clothes. "I think my back pain is disappearing."

"Homer. Almost everyone has normal back pain. The serious back pain need help." Marge said as she relax and closed her eyes.

"What else do you want to do?" Homer asked with a smile that was real for the first time at this moment.

"Well, how about a nice jogging in the morning."

"What? Are you crazy? I can't jog in the morning. I have to watch 'Heroes' at that time!" Homer said. "Plus, every time I exercise, it ends up with bad results."

"C'mon Homer. You said, I can do anything I want. Plus that show of yours also comes at nighttime and our marriage must be saved."

"Well... okay. I'll do it for you Marge." Homer said.

"Nice. That was a good lie. I taught you well, grasshopper." Homer's mind said in an Asian accent.

* * *

Homer and Marge was jogging in the morning at the sidewalks of the suburban areas of Springfield, but Homer had a hard time keeping up. He had the music, water bottles, and even brought the dog with him, but he's still tired up, until Marge had an idea.

Homer was suddenly jogging faster than ever only for one reason. Marge was holding a fishing rod attached to a chicken drum leg, which made Homer following the smell of chicken.

"Mmm... chicken drum leg..." Homer said as he drooled and made it to the Kwik-E-Mart.

As Homer reached for the drum leg, Marge stopped him.

"C'mon Homer. This is to also help your weight problem. Plus, let's get some more fresh crystal water bottles." Marge said with a smile.

"Dang it!" Homer's mind said in an Asian accent. "Well we have three options. One, we can obey her. Two, We can stop obeying her, but break the marriage apart, and three. We could kill her and dump the body in the lake. Then again, that's a little too far. Let's just go with the first option, grasshopper. We don't want to start acting like those copycat Griffins."

"Fine." Homer said as he and she entered the Kwik-E-Mart.

"So what will it be Homer Simpson?" Apu said. "The usual? Which is a pack of beers, play-boy magazine, and some cigarettes?"

"What?" Marge said. "You waste your money on that?"

"Okay, I may drink a pack of beers, read a few adult magazines and... Wait a minute. I don't smoke, unless on special occasions." Homer said.

"Still!" Marge yelled in anger. "You waste your money on this!"

"C'mon! A husband has to do this kind of thing for a while. I bet even you fantasize about man too!"

"Well... you got me there, but still we got to save our marriage."

"Your right! Apu! Burn those items away!" Homer said.

"Okay. Do you want them burn by either a lighter or a flamethrower." Apu asked.

"Flamethrower please."

"Okay sir."

Apu pulled out a flame thrower and burn the beer, magazine, and cigars. Suddenly smoke from the cigars and flames together were released as one. Apu, Homer, and Marge were feeling dizzy.

"...Come again..." Apu said as he felled to the ground along with Homer and Marge.

* * *

Homer and Marge were at their house making breakfast together.

"Homer. Your getting better at this." Marge said.

"Yeah. I couldn't have done it without you." Homer said in a smooth voice.

"Good, grasshopper. Good lie." Homer's mind said in an ancient accent. "Now hurry up!"

"Yeah! I'm hungry here!" Homer's stomach said.

"If you keep this up. You might even cook some dinners that king might eat." Marge said as she turned around.

Suddenly Homer's frying pan was on fire, yet Homer did not do anything and just kept on cooking as the fire was burning the food. Marge did not look because she was busy getting the spices.

* * *

The next day at The Simpson's house.

"Hey Homer!" Marge said. "Do you know what's tomorrow is?"

"Is it... um... your birthday...?" Homer asked.

"No. It's our anniversary, but... good try though..."

"Well then. Tonight, we are having dinner at the Golden Lion restaurant." Homer said without even thinking.

"But, Homer. That place is expensive. There are other fancy restaurants we can afford too."

"Don't worry Marge. I got it all covered." Homer said as he was holding Mr. Burns credit card. "Heh, heh."

"Then, all we need is a baby sitter." Marge said as she took the phone.

As she dialed the number, a voice was heard on the phone.

"Hello?" A creepy voice said on the phone. "Do you like scary movies? By the way what's your name?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I want to know who I'm looking at."

"Well, my name is Marge Simpson. Who is this."

"Wait... Marge Simpson?... Dang it! I got the wrong number! Sorry." The Stranger said. "You know, if it makes you feel better. I'll tell you my name. It's Ghost face. You see, I have a knife here and I'm suppose to like kill this girl and all, but I think I got a fake phone number here. Sorry."

"That's okay. I think I also called the wrong person too. Well, good luck with your killing." Marge said.

"Good luck with your fat husband." Ghost face said.

"How did you know that my husband is a little... chubby."

"Wait?... Oh dang it! The wrong house too! This is not the way I planned this out. I'm getting a beer."

Ghost face hanged up the phone and Marge dialed the number again.

"Yes? Who is it? Do you need an babysitter?" An elderly woman said through the phone

"This is Marge Simpson. We need to..."

"Simpson! Sorry, but we can't give you a babysitter." The elderly woman said as she was looking at a picture of Bart Simpson.

"Oh. I see. It's about my son, isn't it."

"Well, yes. Don't bother contacting other babysitting services in Springfield too. I already contacted them about your... son."

"But, it's my anniversary with my husband! What will I do now!" Marge said in worry.

"Well... I did heard about this one babysitting service I tried to contact." The elderly woman said. "I tried to warn them so much, but they didn't listen. They are very expensive though, and I heard strange rumors about it too. Plus, they'll even take care of kids and teenagers in their own buildings. It's sort of like a daycare but for big boys this time."

"Whatever, we'll take this strange babysitting company."

"The company is called VankVaw Co. The building that the company is using, used to be an old prison at first. The prison is sort of like Alcatraz. Anyway, I heard there good at controlling any child. Even a juvenile murdering unstable boy that can..."

"Just give me the number!"

As the elderly woman gave her the number, she began to call the strange babysitting company.

"Hello? This is Marge Simpson." Marge said. "I need a babysitter. It's my anniversary with my husband."

"I see. Your son doesn't happen to be Bart Simpson?" A man said through the phone. "The boy who vandalized the American Flag, went to Juvenile Hall once, worked for some Mobsters, cost Springfield the chance to bring the Olympics to the town, and made fun of Australia in the most harshest ways?"

"Um... If I say yes, can you still take care of my children."

"Of course we will. We've actually made kids that were from Juvenile hall to a bunch of scaredy cats who will do their homework no matter what."

"Oh good. Finally, a babysitter that will help us."

"Oh yeah. By the way can you accept these few terms. It's not money or anything. It's just to prevent us from being sued or bankrupt."

"Sure, sure whatever."

"Good..." The man said through the phone as he was looking at a bunch of papers that will allow them to use violence against children. "Heh, heh. HAH!" The man laughed so loud.

"Excuse me? Or you still there?"

"Um... yes lady. We will bring a babysitter immediately. By the way, this service cost 130 dollars."

"Sure. Homer got that money problem covered."

* * *

As Homer and Marge wait for the babysitter at nighttime, they were telling Bart, Lisa, and Maggie to behave good. Suddenly the doorbell has ringed. Homer went to the door as Bart laughed with an evil-like look and carrying a bunch of pies behind him.

"It's the babysitter!" Homer said as he opened the door.

The man stepped in as he was wearing a black suit with a tie, a black hat, sunglasses, and carried a gun.

"Is it normal for a babysitter to carry a gun?" Marge asked.

"Actually, no." Lisa answered.

"Don't worry. This gun is just in case for emergencies... and discipline... and some scaring... and some threatening... and sometimes even kill the troublemakers... and opening the windows... and to open a beer can... and sometimes turning off the lights..." The babysitter said. "By the way. My name is Earl."

"Nice to meet you Earl." Homer said.

"What other polite things you're going to do Homer?" Bart asked. "Are you actually going to wash your hands?"

"Why you little!" Homer said as he was about to strangle Bart. The babysitter stopped him.

"Sir. If you want to teach your son. You got to do this." The babysitter said. "WHY YOU LITTLE!"

The babysitter was choking him with a piece of rope.

"Wow. Why didn't I thought of that. That looks more painful than what I do!" Homer said with a smile.

"Yep. Now, you go have a nice time, while I shoot, I mean take care of the children." Earl said.

Marge had a worried look on her face while Homer did not listen at all. The parents left and as the door closed the man turned towards the children here.

"Listen here punks! I have some rules for you. You are to read books, learn math, and go to bed at nine. You got that!"

"What makes you think, I'm going to listen to you. Your just a..." Bart said as Earl pulled out his gun towards the boy.

"Isn't that illegal to point a gun towards anyone!" Lisa said.

"We have contracts. Plus, yes it is illegal, but no one believes in children. Even a smart mouth like you. We got data on all of you two."

"Two?" Bart said. "We have a baby sister you know."  
"Baby sister? Um... yes." Earl said as Maggie walked and fall and walked again repeatedly. "Hello, little... Margret."

"It's Maggie, no brain."

"There the same name, Bart." Lisa said.

"Whatever." Bart said. "Still, even a guy with a gun can't hold me. I've been through worst."

* * *

Ten Hours later

Bart was reading the book, Misery, with a "Reverse-Bear Trap" on his head and was sitting on the couch.

"This reverse-bear trap is kind of cold and hard. Plus, there's too many words in my head!" Bart complained.

"Do you want your jaw broken or not?" Earl said as he pulled out a controller which can activate the trap and was reading Radioactive Man.

"No, sir." Bart said politely with a fake smile.

Lisa came in the living room and saw Bart with a trap on his head that can actually kill him.

"Uh... Is that a real trap from the movie 'Saw'?" Lisa asked.

"Actually, yes." Earl said.

"But what if Bart actually dies? What would happen to the company?" Lisa asked.

"The Springfield Mafia is in charge of that."

"Oh. Well, okay then..." Lisa said as she walked towards the stairs.

"I have had it with this!" Bart said. "Go ahead. Activate the trap!"

Instead Earl pulled out a gun to his forehead.

"To tell you the truth kid. That trap on your head is a fake, but the gun in my hand is real."

"Cool." Bart said as he took off the trap easily, realizing it is a fake and threw it to the ground.

"Wait? You mean you're not afraid or nothing?"

"Nah. Sideshow Bob, Snake, and even Nelson done this before. Still, that's a cool Magnum in your hand." Bart said.

"Thanks. How did you know what kind of gun it is? You get bad grades in school."

"Call of Duty."

"Of course. That's a really addictive video game though."

"Video Game?" Bart said to himself.

Suddenly, the reverse-bear trap activated.

"I thought you said it's a fake?" Bart said.

"I thought that too." Earl said.

* * *

Earl walked to the fridge to get a beer. As he opened it, it exploded right in his face. Bart came and then closed the fridge with Earl's head in it. As time passed, Earl finally got his head out of the fridge. He then faced towards Bart, which the boy threw a pie at his face.

"Classics." Bart laughed with a smile.

"Classics huh. I'll show you something classic" Earl said in anger.

Three min. later, Bart was in a dog cage and waving a cup on the metal bars as Earl, Lisa, and Maggie watched him.

"Well, Bart." Lisa said. "You should always understand that your actions have consequences."

"You sound suspicious Lisa." Earl said.

"What?"

"Don't say what to me! Do fifty push-ups!"

"But!"

"You better do those push-ups or you're going to have to meet Mr. Pistol with a bullet in your eye."

Lisa quickly did push-ups as Maggie watched.

"What are you looking at Maggie?" Earl said as he reloaded his pistol.

* * *

The next day, at The Simpsons house Marge and Homer had to go to a school conference along with other parents as they read a letter from a school.

"Let's hired that same company again, but this time will send them to the daycare." Marge said.

"Daycare?" Bart said. "I'm eleven years old now. I don't need to go to some daycare."

"It's just for once, Bart. What can the VankVaw company do anyway?" Homer said. "Besides, I heard they have some free snacks over there."

* * *

Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie arrived at VankVaw Co. The building was huge and looked like a prison rather than a place for freedom or where kids can have fun. Also, Bart was praying for his life.

"Please God that I'll survive. Jesus, Omen." Bart said as he prayed on the ground.

"Hmm. This place is even scaring Bart." Homer said. "Oh well."

A man wearing the same clothes as Earl came out of the building and saw the family.

"Hello Simpsons. My name is Gary. I'm the warden... I mean babysitter... um... guy..." Gary said thinking it might work.

"Well babysitter guy. Gives us all the detail." Marge said.

"Well, it's basically any daycare you've seen. Except, it's a bit more bigger, and has no way a child could ever escape. Oh yeah. If anyone told you that we carry weapons from the Springfield Mafia then just kick them with your boot."  
Homer kicked Bart three times with no reason.

"Ow... I didn't say anything about the Mafia." Bart said.

"Oh sorry." Homer said as he kicked him again.

"What was that for?"

"That one was just for fun."

* * *

As Bart, Lisa, and Maggie entered the VankVaw building, it was filled with kids in prison uniforms.

"Here you go!" A man said as he handed them prison uniforms. "Now go take a shower before you put them on."

"Where is the shower?"

"Earl will show you." The man said. "Hey Earl!"

"What is it? Heh, heh. What do we have here. The little boy that pied my face yesterday." Earl said with a evil grin. "Sure I'll take them to the shower."

"I didn't mentioned shower yet."

Earl just ignored the man and grabbed Bart's arm strongly to the shower room. As Bart took off his clothes, except his underwear he went to the showers. He tried to turn it on but nothing happened.

"Hey mister, there's no wat... AHH!" Bart said as a bunch of men aimed a really cold, but strong hose at him, causing him to actually crash to the wall.

"Oww..."

Next, Bart got his towel and dried himself off. Suddenly he felt itchy and looked at the towel. He saw bugs all over it and screamed. The men laughed at him as he was running out of the room.

As Bart went to the kitchen he got himself some pie. As he ate the pie, he thought it was tasty. He tried get another, but he couldn't open his mouth. The men behind him laughed as they were carrying glue in their hands.

"Sorry pal. But this is revenge in the prank side of VankVaw." Earl laughed as he and his friends walked away.

"Iv gevew mya vebenge!" Bart said in a gibberish voice as he had glue in his mouth.

* * *

Bart was walking on the huge flat land that was in the middle of the VankVaw building. Lots of children were hanging out there as the guards were carrying guns and watching them. As Bart was walking on the flat land he got hit by a baseball.

"Sorry." An African American kid said.

"Ow. Well you shouldn't say sorry. This place is way worst than what just happened now." Bart said.

"Oh. Okay then. My name is Red Freedmen. What's yours?"

"Bart. Can I play some baseball. I'm kind of bored right now."

"Sure. By the way some of the bullies here are playing too." Red said as Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney walked up to them.

"I'm okay with that." Bart said.

The two and the bullies played baseball together and became friends within just ten minutes.

* * *

Homer and Marge were in a huge room with other parents where there was a stage in front of them. Skinner was on the stage talking about the problems about the school as Marge was worried that the kids might be in trouble as they were acting strange today.

"You know. I think I should go. My kids are in that VankVaw building right now." Marge said.

"VankVaw? Ralph is at there too." Wiggum said. "That company treats your children in harsh ways so they can be controlled, but hey it's not bad though. They got free snacks there."

Suddenly all the other dads in the room were agreeing with Wiggum and eating there free snacks.

"Well... okay then." Marge said.

As Bart was done playing baseball with his new friend and the bullies, he sat down for a while.

* * *

"That was a damn good game." Bart said.

Suddenly everyone one in the VankVaw building was surprised including the bullies.

"What? All I said was damn." Bart said.

Suddenly all the guards were pointing guns at just one boy. Two men came out of nowhere and grabbed Bart by the arm. After a while he was thrown into a stronger cell without food, games, or even a rock. After a while, he stepped out as the men let him out. VankVaw doesn't allowing cursing in the building. This change him sometime.

Red Freedmen walked to Bart and saw him sitting near the wall.

"You want to play baseball?" Red asked.

"No. I'm going to get out of here and tell everyone of what they do here." Bart said as he ate his free snack.

"I see. Well, good luck with that. This place is reinforced with steel and there are thousands of guards here. How the heck can you escape here? This is like the Berlin Wall."

"I think I know a way." Bart said.

* * *

Gary and his men walked into the room where it was filled with prison cells of children.

"Check the cells!" Gary said.

The cells were opened and the kids stepped out of the cells. Bart however did not appear out of the cell.

"Bart! Get out! Bart! BART!" Gary yelled at the cell. Gary and his men walked towards the cell and saw that he wasn't there.

"What the heck! WHERE IS HE! Get his friends down here! Check everywhere in the cell! I want him found!" Gary said as he threw a rock at a Krusty the Clown poster.

The rock just went through and Gary went closer to the poster. He took the poster off and saw a huge hole on the wall.

"Oh god no!" Gary yelled in anger.

* * *

Bart was now in a very dark room filled with pipes. He saw Gary in his office through an air vent. As he saw Gary turned on death metal music, Bart quickly broke one of the pipes revealing waste. Bart entered the pipe filled with disgusting things you don't even want to imagining. He even threw up vomit in the pipe as he was crawling out.

As he finally manage to get out of VankVaw and to the river, he saw another pipe filled with crystal clear water which he could've used instead of the more disgusting one.

"Doh!" Bart said as his clothes were cleaned off by the water.

After that, Bart quickly ran off with evidence that VankVaw is corrupted.

* * *

Homer and Marge were still at the School Conference bored along with the other parents.

Suddenly Bart rushed into the room.

"Bart?" Homer said in surprised. "Oh thank god! Quick boy! Make some trouble. I'm kind of bored here."

"Wait a minute!" Marge said. "Why are you here? You're supposed to be at the daycare and why do you smell like Homer?"

"More like a prison!... and I had to crawl through a pipe filled with poop." Bart said.

"EWW!" All the parents and teachers said.

"Yep. Eww. Anyway, VankVaw is a bad daycare. They threaten you with guns, you have to stay in cold cells, and I have to watch these boring old Frankestein, Were-Wolves, and Vampire films from the 1970s."

"You still have no proof!" Marge said.

"Actually I do!" Bart said as he shows her own mom a plastic bag with a dead arm in it.

"Let's roll boys!" Chief Wiggum said as Eddie and Lou appeared out of nowhere.

"Where did they came from?" Homer said.

* * *

Gary the Warden was inside his office as he saw police cars come. He thought that a boy couldn't convince the adults that the place was filled with corruption.

"That boy must be real smart." Gary said as he packed his things up.

Suddenly, the police was already here on the other side of a door that's locked up.

"Open up Gary! We know your there!" Chief Wiggum said.

Gary pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head.

"OWW JESUS!" Gary said as he was still alive. He shot himself again.

"OWW! WHY!" Gary said as he shot himself again, but this time dead.

The police burst into the room and saw Gary dead on the floor.

"Attempted suicide." Lou said. "What a sissy, trying to take the easy way out."

"Yep. Lou. What a sissy." Wiggum said.

* * *

All the children were freed from the VankVaw building. Lisa was carrying Maggie and went to his brother.

"How did you got the arm?" Lisa asked.

"What arm?" Bart answered with an evil grin.

"It was a fake. Wasn't it Bart?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know." Bart said as he carried red paint, and some tissue paper.

"I'm guessing red paint is the blood, and the tissue paper is for the fake skin. Isn't it?"

Bart just walked away as Lisa and Maggie watched him.

* * *

(Extra scene)

Ned Flanders was arrested by Chief Wiggum.

"Your arrested for murder, Ned. We already got a suspect and he has proof." Chief Wiggum said.

Bart came in and was holding a fake bloody arm again.

"Uhh. Chief? Don't you think this is strange?" Lou asked. "That last forty three people we've arrested was because of a dead arm."

"Lou is a murderer too!" Bart said as he was holding another fake dead arm.

"Get him!" Wiggum said.

Mr. Nental walked by feeling very sick.

"What's up Nental?"

"I feel very sick when you gave me that dead arm. It tasted like tissue papers."

"Whatever cannibal guy." Bart said as he walking and whistling at the same time.


	7. Bart of Duty: Homer at War

Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch and as they sit on the couch, a dinosaur destroys the house revealing that The Simpsons are on Jurassic Park.

President Obama was in the White House as he was looking at the people of America through a window. He saw a lot of fat people as well playing game boys and not getting any exercise.

"This isn't good. This country used to believe in things before the 21st century. Now look at them." Obama said to his wife. "We need to make this country believe again instead of ending up like Nazi Germany. I think I know the trick."

"What are you going to do." Michelle Obama said.

"First will start with kids and teenagers, then adults. These people seem to like movies, and video games rather reading books, newspapers, and even ads. Right?"

"Yeah?"

"Will get some famous people to make these movies, music, and video games but in a more way where the young people can learn about the hardships that America have gone through and that how important it is to be an American. That's why I have you guys to do the job."

Suddenly a bunch of men appeared from the door.

"Hello James Cameron, Treyarch, and Christopher Nolan. I want you to create movies and video games that can make those kids learn something. Rather than just playing a game because of how destructive it can be or a movie that has so much special effects. Do you think you can do it?"

"Sure why not?" James Cameron said.

"We could make those young adults learn the hardships of World War II." A Treyarch Employee said.

"Nice. Well, I have to sign this health care bill later. Now, go do your job."

* * *

Seven Months later, Bart was entering the Gameshop store as it opened. As he walked through an hallway of video games, he noticed something that was new.

"Alright. The new Call of Duty game is out. World at War!" Bart said as he walked to the cashier.

"Hey buddy. I want one of these hotrod games."

"Sorry. That's rated M. You can't have one of these new games." Jeremy said.

"But why?"

"Rated M is like an rated R movie, except it involves an video game. Even I tried to get one of these at another shop, and they said I couldn't. I'm still a teenager trying to go to college."

"Tell you what. If I buy the game, then I'll give you a free coupon for a back massage by a bunch of ladies."

"We never met." Jeremy said as he handed him the video game and took the money and the coupon.

* * *

Bart was kicking his computer as the game he inserted in the computer was trying to activate, but something was wrong.

"Come on. Turn on, you lousy scrap of metal." Bart said as Lisa saw him kicking the computer.

"What are you doing?" Lisa asked.

"I'm trying to turn on my new video game. My computer isn't working." Bart said in anger.

"Let me see." Lisa said as she looked behind the computer. "Here's your problem. You need a new video card. Your old one won't work with this game."

"Video card, huh."

"Yep. They're pretty expensive though."

"Expensive? I already know how to get a free one."

A day later, Bart was holding a video card in his hand as he entered his room. Lisa also entered his room so she can set it up.

"Where did you got the video card?" Lisa said.

"Milhouse." Bart answered with an evil grin.

* * *

Milhouse was in his room and tried to turn on his computer, but it didn't. He looked behind his computer and saw a huge hole behind the computer. Bart ripped the video card out of his computer.

"Oh my god! You'll pay El Barto!" Milhouse said as he saw the words El Barto on his computer in graffiti style.

* * *

Lisa finished installing the video card and suddenly the game was on.

"Cool graphics." Bart said.

"Yeah. Whatever." Lisa said. "I really don't care about your stupid video game. Even if it is based on something in history."

"Woah flamethrower!" Bart said as he ignored her sister.

Lisa grunted as Bart did not listen and just walked away

Three days later, at Bart's room.

Bart was totally addicted to the game, even if it is making Americans believe again. He was playing multiplayer online with his friends. As he was playing, Grandpa Simpson walked through the hallway of the second floor and saw him through his door. He was suddenly surprised and made stopped him from playing.

"Hey! I was about to send some dogs of war!" Bart yelled.

"What the hell is that crap. Don't you know that World War II is a serious thing? Even the Japanese and Germans didn't want to be killed by us Americans." Abe Simpson yelled.

"Whatever grandpa. You must've have lots a fun. Trying to teach me a lesson about war. Like that's going to work."

"I'm outta here. People used to believe in things back in my time. Now it's just kids playing in the indoors."

* * *

Homer and Bart were playing multiplayer on the Call of Duty game. It was so addictive than even Mr. Burns made his employees stop working. Marge came in and saw Homer and Bart playing a violent video game.

"Hey! Why don't you two go play with your friends?" Marge asked.

"I am." Homer said as he played a troop that shot Barney's soldier in the videogame.

"I meant outside. Plus shouldn't you be at work?"

"Mr. Burns made all of the workers have a week off. He has his own Call of Duty game too."

"A week? Who's going to make the nuclear power plant stable? The whole town could be doomed!" Marge said.

"Oh. We already got some people to control the nuclear power plant."

* * *

A bunch of monkeys were in the nuclear power plant and pressing different buttons. The monkey at Homer's office was fat, lazy, and was sleeping on his chair. A gorilla came in who had an evil look, yelled at the monkey.

"Get back to work!" The gorilla said in monkey words.

"Ooh Ahh Ahh!" The fat monkey yelled and pressed different buttons causing the danger sign to appear.

* * *

As Homer and Bart was playing the video game, Bart's soldier shot Moe's soldier.

"Hey! There's no way you can use that much ammo! Your using a cheat!" Moe yelled through word chat.

"Eat my shorts!" Bart said through word chat. "By the way, is there a Al C. Holic online?"

"Let me see." Moe said through chat. "Is anyone here an Alcoholic? An alcoholic?"

Everyone, except Bart, said yes through chat.

"Hey! Wait a minute! You're that same prank caller who uses the phone. Now your chatting online. Oh, you're so DEAD!"

"What the heck can you do?" Bart said as Moe still did not figure out who he was.

"This!" Moe said through chatting.

Moe's soldier was strangling Bart's soldier. As Moe's soldier was strangling Bart's soldier, Homer was strangling his son for eating the last barbeque chip. Bart's soldier, and Bart himself were strangled at the same time.

"Eh. Forget you kid. I'll deal with you later." Moe said as he logged off.

Meanwhile at Prof. Frink's place. Prof. Frink was playing the game with Homer, Bart, Wiggum, Skinner, and Barney on computer. Frink seemed to do better than the other player as nerds have an eagle eye and know how far and strong a bullet can be in the game.

"Take that, GLAVIN!" Prof. Frink said with his usual catchphrase. "I'm almost to the last prestige mode! Take that suckers! I wonder what World War II would be like in reality?"

Frink dropped an untested device from his pocket on the floor and suddenly it was activated.

"Why the heck did I leaved it on 'ON' instead of 'OFF'!" Prof. Frink said as the device shot a beam towards Frink's computer as it was still online.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Homer's House. Homer and Bart were playing the game 24 days straight without going to the bathroom or sleeping. Suddenly a beam from the computer shot Homer and Bart. After a few minutes, they disappeared.

"Where am I?" Bart Simpson said as he was on a pile of snow.

He also noticed he was in army clothes.

"What the hell?"

Bart looked around him and saw Homer, Skinner, Wiggum, and Barney on the ground too and were wearing army clothes as well.

"Hey Homer. Look where we are."

Homer woke and was surprised.

"My god. That tree is carved in the words of 'Clyde loves Ann'! Isn't that sweet... Young love..." Homer said.

The other men that were on the snow were agreeing as well.

"Hey! You guys. What the hell are you doing on the floor?" A stranger said.

"Dad?" Homer said.

"This must be World War II!" Skinner said.

"What the heck are you surprised for? Get up! We got Germans to shoot!" A younger Abe said. "You know. You three kind of look like my captured troops, Iggy Wiggum, Sheldon Skinner, and Arnie Gumble."

"Our fathers are also in the war. I wonder if he looks like me?" Wiggum said as he and the others get up.

"Right now. Our other soldier is Montgomery Burns."

"The old guy isn't old anymore." Barney said as he saw the man resupplying his gun with ammo.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Montgomery Burns said as he walked up to them. "Who are these? Captured Nazi's?"

"Nope. There Americans, telling by the uniform, accent, and how stupid they are." Abe said as he saw Homer picking his nose, Arnold drinking too much alcohol, Skinner talking about his mother, and Wiggum almost shot his head as he was looking into the insides of the gun.

"Well, Abe. We better hurry and defeat the Nazi's at the castle and then something else." Montgomery Burns said in an evil and suspicious voice.

"You sound a bit evil, but your an American so you can't be evil." Abe said.

"Yes..." Montgomery said.

"This seems familiar." Bart said.

* * *

A min. later they were chatting and a couple of min. later they were fighting Nazi's.

"Come on! Keep on shooting boys!" Abe said as he took off his shoe.

"What are you going to do with that shoe?" Bart said.

"I'm going to beat the heck out of them and stall time, so the Russians can get here."

"Russians? You mean those communist at this time?" Skinner said.

"Yes, and why did you say, 'at this time'?"

"Nothing sir!"

As Abe ran to rock and rock to dodge the bullets he finally made it to one of the Nazi's and beat him by using his shoe, and then another, and a another, and a another. He beat twenty two Nazi's with a shoe, but there were still a lot more. Abe was hiding behind a rock and the Nazi's were getting closer. As the Nazi's hold their gun's tightly and prepare to shoot Abe Simpson, one of them got shot by a sniper.

Hundreds of man out of nowhere surrounded the Nazi's.

"Cool, Americans!" Bart said.

"There Russians, idiot." Skinner said. "Can't you tell by their uniform and flag?"

Abe stood up as the situation was stable.

"Hello Sergeant Abraham Simpson. I am Sergeant Ivan Dementro." Sergeant Ivan said.

"Who the heck is Abraham? His name is Abe." Homer said.

"Abraham is..."

"No, it's Abe."

"Abraham is another name for..."

"Just call him Abe."

"Fine. Abe, whatever American."

"Thank you Ivy."

"It's Ivan! Not Ivy. Ivan!" Sergeant Ivan said in anger. "I'm tired of this name Ivy!"

"Whatever Ivy." Homer said as he walked away to grab some grub."

"Anyway, we released your troops from the Nazi's. There here right now." Ivan said.

The Flying Hellfish's troops regrouped with the rest of the Americans.

"Hey there you are, see!" Iggy Wiggum said.

"It's Iggy Wiggum, see!" Clancy Wiggum said.

"It's my... evil clone, BURP!" Arnie Gumble said as he is drunk.

"No, your... my evil clone, BURP! Barney Gumble said as he is also drunk.

"Hello Sheldon." Skinner said as he didn't care if he called his father by his first name.

"Shut up! Give me fifty pushups!" Sheldon said as he got a "kick me" paper on his back from the Nazi's.

"But, I didn't do anything..."

"What did I said?"

"Fine." Skinner said as he did the pushups. "He doesn't act like me at all. Then again, he's not really my father... is he?..."

* * *

Marge, Lisa, and Maggie were bored as they were sitting at the kitchen table trying to figure out what they haven't done.

"We can... go watch the new Malibu Stacy movie." Lisa suggested.

"We already did that three days ago." Marge answered.

"Oh yeah..."

"Maybe we can get you a new boyfriend, Lisa."

"Mom! I don't want a new boyfriend ever since the last person I dated. Plus, I've already done that." Lisa said. "What about making a video for this website I heard called YouTube."

"We already done that. It was supposed to be a video of our family, but it became the most watched video of the year" Marge said. "This is mostly because of your father destroying Flanders's lawn, wrestling president George Bush again right in front of a huge crowd, and then finally destroyed Bill Gates newest Iphone which could've made anyone rich through apps and music. At least he didn't go to jail. Well, any ideas of what to do that we haven't done?"

Maggie pulled out her pacifier and suggested, "Video Game"?

"Video game? You mean play video games?" Lisa asked.

Maggie just nodded her head.

"Well, none of us never tried that. I guess we could give it a try." Marge said.

* * *

Marge, Lisa, and Maggie were in Bart's room looking for different videogames.

"All of Bart's games are too violent." Marge said. "I wonder how he even got these games."

"Just pick some boring video game." Lisa said.

"What about this? It's called Nintendogs."

"That game looks great."

Maggie was pointing at a different game as Marge and Lisa turned around and looked at her. Lisa looked at the game she was pointing and it said, "Call of Duty, World at War".

"Why would a baby would want to play this. Especially if she's a girl." Lisa asked. "Oh well. Let's give it a try on this boring game."

"Yep, boring." Marge said as she inserted the disk inside the PC.

The game turned on and Marge pressed a button on the keyboard.

"Oh my god! I killed someone!" Marge said as her soldier shot a Japanese with a gun.

"Mom. That's not real, that's... I my god! I just shot a Japanese. I'm a murderer." Lisa said as her troop also shot a Japanese soldier.

"I don't get it that killing soldiers with guns is fun." Marge said. "What's this?"

Marge pressed another button and then suddenly, Japanese's were on fire.

"Oh no! This weapon burned these people. What do I do!" Marge said.

"Well, the game is set in World War II, but still who finds this fun. Oh look, now I'm playing some Russian dude." Lisa said.

The Russian in the game was speaking to another Russian on a pile of bodies. The Russian was Reznov (if you don't play Call of duty, then search it up). The ladies were listening of how the man spoke. For some reason it was poetry to them even though it was about killing, violence, and war.

"Wow. This guy sure knows how to speak." Lisa said. "Still, the game is just too violent. Boring. I'll play it a little longer."

Ten minutes later, Marge, Lisa, and Maggie were addicted to the game. It was fun and patriotic in the game. Some parts actually made them cry due to death scenes.

"This game is totally fun!" Lisa yelled in excitement.

"I hear ya, Lisa. It's cool, when I shoot the guy's flamethrower tanks and then BOOM! they are exploded!' Marge said.

"The Reznov guy seems to be more patriotic than any other character! He saves you a couple of times too!"

"The American also saves you too, but this game is badass!... I just said badass... Oh well..." Marge said at first surprised and then just felt normal.

"I know this game has a lot of cursing, but thing I like about it is the music!" Lisa said. "Instead of rocking roll, death-metal, or anything similar, they use violins, and a bunch of people singing all together into one voice."

"Let's do multiplayer!"

"Sure!"

* * *

Lenny was playing Call of Duty World at War on his computer and Multiplayer, online. As his American Soldier shot a Japanese, out of nowhere another Japanese shot him.

"What the heck? Someone shot me! I thought we managed to scare most of them!" Lenny said as his soldier respawned. Suddenly it got shot again by the same soldier. "Who is this?" Lenny chatted online.

"Marge, Lisa, and Maggie Simpson." Marge typed in online.

"A lady? What the heck!" Lenny said as his soldier got shot again. Suddenly the rest of the Japanese soldiers got the strength to fight again.

A min. later, the Japanese side of the multiplayer game won.

* * *

"Okay everybody. Everyone sign their names?" Mr. Burns said as he was holding a paper of the Flying Hellfish's names and was standing in front of a crate of paintings.

The American Troops were standing inside a German castle as the Russians were waiting. The American troops signed an agreement to possess the paintings later. As Milton Haas carried the crate of paintings, he suddenly felled down to the ground dead.

"What the heck happened to him?" Homer said.

"I think he may have died of Hernia." Mr. Burns suggested.

"I see a bullet inside of Milton." Bart said.

"I said he died of Hernia." Mr. Burns said as he was holding a pistol attached to a suppressor towards Bart that was just warm.

"Nice pistol you got there." Abe said.

"Thank you. It is made by steel, and the bullets are the most expensive kind in America. I got them during the Great Depression."

"So many sad people... BURP!" Arnie Gumble said.

"Now, Come on! The war will soon be over. We must regroup with the Russians and destroy the rule of Nazi Germany." Abe Simpson said in a patriotic voice. "God Bless America!"

"God Bless America!" The Americans said all at once.

* * *

The Americans and Russians were in Berlin fighting the Nazi's most of them took cover behind wrecked rocks, metal, or even small buildings.

"Okay, Homer. Hand me the bazooka. Homer?" Abe said as he turned around and saw him eating a hotdog.

"Where the heck did you got that hotdog?"

"I stole it from a German." Homer said as he handed the bazooka to him.

"Oh, then that's okay than."

After some hours, Homer, Bart, and the rest of the troops were at the top of a huge castle. Homer was hiding behind a wall as the rest of the troops fight.

"Take this Germans!" Ivan said out loud.

As Homer was hiding behind the wall he saw a German pulling out his pistol and was about to shoot Abe behind his back. Homer pulled out his pistol and then pressed the trigger only finding out that there's bubbles in the gun.

"What the?" Homer said as he saw Bart also hiding behind the wall with a bottle of soap in his pockets. Homer decided to use something else. As the German was about to shoot Abe Simpson a hotdog was thrown at his face.

"Mmm... hotdog..." The German said.

Abe saw the German and shot him with a pistol.

"Nice going, Homer!" Abe said.

Outside of the building were Germans on the porch. Airplanes came and bombed the huge porch of the building. The Americans and Russians walked on the huge porch. Homer walked a bit further until a German appeared out of nowhere and shot him in the chest with a pistol. Blood was oozing out of Homer's jacket.

Abe Simpson came to him and looked behind his jacket only to see ketchup under there.

"He's alive, but why does he have ketchup with him?"

"For fast foods of course." Homer said.

"Well, anyway. Let's put the American flag." Abe said as he cut off the German flag.

"No. Russian flag. We helped you guys." Ivan said.

"No way Ivy. It's god bless America!" Abe said.

"My name is IVAN! It's Mother Russia!"

"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"

"MOTHER RUSSIA!"

"Why not just choose both?" Bart suggested.

"Never thought of that. I guess it good too." Ivan said as he and Abe put both flags on the porch.

"The war is almost over! Now it's just Japan right now!" Abe said.

* * *

"I'm bored." Lisa said. "Let's play this Nazi Zombies I heard about."

"Okay." Marge said as she switch multiplayer to Nazi Zombies.

"Treyarch are sure creative."

"Yep." Lisa said.

* * *

As the Americans and Russians were celebrating on the top of the porch, suddenly they all disappeared. Another minute later there in an asylum surrounded by mist, red lights, and wrecked holes.

"Where are we?" Bart said as he saw a Zombie.

"AH! Zombies!" Abe said as he and his troops shot the zombies.

"Hey look! It's zombie Hitler and Erwin Rommel!" Skinner said.

"Die Hitler and General Erwin!" Homer said as he shot them with a shotgun. "Die Albert Einstein!"

"I like some chocolate please with some brains!" Uter Zorker said.

"Hey! It's that overweighed German exchange student!" Bart said.

"Die you little German!" Ivan said.

"Way to go Ivy." Homer said.

"It's IVAN!" Ivan yelled.

Suddenly, Homer and the rest of the troops were now warped into an German town. Not only that Russians and Americans were fighting each other.

"What the heck is happening!" Homer said as he can't control himself and almost shot Barney.

"I don't know." Bart said as he shot Homer's third hotdog.

"Doh!" Homer said through chatting online. "Why you little!"

Homer was choking Bart during multiplayer as he did, Montgomery Burns suddenly had a bunch of dogs of war on his side.

"Release the hounds!" Montgomery Burns said as seven dogs of war were chasing other people.

Bart suddenly realized something.

"Were in multiplayer, free for all!" Bart said.

"What the heck does that mean, boy?" Homer asked.

"It means..."

Suddenly all of the troops were on an island.

"Where are we now?" Abe said as he saw millions of Americans rushing on the island fighting Asians.

"Were in Japan!" Skinner said.

"Japan?" Ivan said. "I'm supposed to be in Germany fighting those bastard Nazi's!"

"BANZAI!" A Japanese said as he was charging towards Ivan with a gun attached with a knife on the tip.

"Will you shut up!" Ivan said as he punched the Japanese in the face.

* * *

As Marge, Lisa, and Maggie were playing the video game, Prof. Frink rushed in the room.

"Stop playing the game. Don't hurt those fools! GLAVIN!" Prof. Frink said as he was tired.

"How did you get in here?" Marge asked.

"There was a key under the mat, but that doesn't matter. Your husband and son are in grave danger. You see, I've made this device where fictional things can be real. I got it reversed, which made real things in to fictional things. Now your husband is a fictional character in a video game!"

"Well, that might explain the part where I saw Doh! during chat. Plus, aren't you a math teacher right now." Lisa said.

Yes, yes, but that doesn't mean I can't invent things. Now let me just reversed the device's effects and bring them out of here." Prof. Frink said as he pressed a button causing the device to release electricity towards the computer.

Suddenly a bunch of people were right in front of Marge, Lisa, Maggie, and Prof. Frink.

"It worked!" Prof. Frink said.

"I think it worked too much." Marge said.

"What do you mean?"

"Like that!" Marge said as she was pointing at the Americans, Russians, Japanese, and Germans.

"Oh. I see. Well..." Prof. Frink said as he ran away.

"Where the heck am I now?" A younger Abe said.

"Your in the real world." Lisa said. "It's the 21st century and you were once fictional characters of a World War II video game."

"A video game about World War II? How awful! Who won the war though?" Young Abe said.

"The allied powers. After that, it sort of... well... why don't you take a break right now." Marge said.

"I'm going to Moe's." Homer said.

Suddenly the Russians, Americans, Germans, and Japanese wanted a drink too and started forgetting the whole mess.

Grandpa Abe Simpson came and saw Marge, Lisa, and Maggie playing the game again on campaign.

"You too! I thought you ladies were smarter than Bart and Homer." Abe said angrily.

"Hey! We finished the game!" Lisa said.

"Whatever!" Abe said.

"The ending is a speech from Truman and MacArthur!" Marge said.

"Let me see that!"

After the two speeches, it showed the bombing of Japan's two cities, and then it showed that sixty million people died in World War II. Then it later showed that the game is dedicated to all the people who fought in World War II.

"God bless America!" Grandpa Abe said with a tear in his eye.

"And you said this game is crap." Lisa said.

"It is! Though the ending is not so bad. Plus, the patriotism of Reznov, despite he was a Russian during that time." Abe said as he walked away.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Bart and Milhouse was playing the newest game, Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. As he was playing, he was bored as ever.

"Man, this game sucks!" Bart said as he was playing with Milhouse on his PC.

"What do you mean Bart? I think the game is awesome!" Milhouse said.

"I think it sucks! There's no dedicated servers, no vehicles, too much fire power on both damage and secondary weapons, people can die so easily, there's no device that can stop people from cheating, and that flamethrower is freaking awesome. I mean Infinityward is the company that made the first Call of Duty game, but this just sucks. I'm out of here."

Meanwhile at the Comic Book shop.

"Worst game ever!" Comic Book Guy said.


	8. Marge's Papa Comes to Town

Couch Scene: The Simpsons family run towards the couch. As they sit on the couch, an alien ship breaks the roof and tries to take them including the couch through a rope, but Homer's weight pulls the ship down causing it to crash towards the family.

Homer, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, and their friends were outside of the movie theater. They were going to see Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

"Tickets please." Homer said calmly.

"Sorry tubby. Were sold out of tickets. The only movies you can see is Max Payne or 1408." Jeremy Freedmen (AKA Squeaky Voiced Teen) said.

"Well... Max Payne was one of the most horrible movies of all. What's 1408 about?"

"It's about this guy who moves into a haunted room in a huge hotel. It's based on one of Stephen King's novel. The movies is similar to The Shining."

"That sounds great!" Homer said.

"Dad. That movies is Rated R. Plus, don't you remember the last time we saw a horror movie?" Lisa said.

"Lisa, your an year older now. You should learn that you can't escape from your fears of movies." Homer said in a baby like way.

"I'm not afraid of movies. It's a rated R movies. Remember you showed us Friday the 13th and Halloween."

"Friday the 13th? Halloween?" Moe said as he walked up to them. "Those films are nothing compare to the films based on Stephen Kings books."

"Books?" Homer said.

"What the heck do you mean?" Bart said.

"These films will leave you horrible nightmares and will make you see things without drugs. Children like you will freeze when you see this."

"I still say Friday the 13th and Halloween are way better. This film can't scare me or my friends." Bart said.

* * *

"AHH!" Bart screamed along with his friends as they were sitting in the movie theater shaking.

"Told you." Moe said as he and Homer watched it and ate popcorn.

"Can we go home?..." Lisa said shivering as she closed her eyes.

"The movies over sweetie." Homer said as Lisa opened her eyes. "Wait. There's more. What do you know? That eyeless mummified dead body in the air vents is actually alive."

"AHH!" Lisa screamed.

"Hey kids. The movies is almost over. Is now at a beautiful day for a funeral... I mean... Never mind..." Homer said as all of the children opened there eyes.

As they watched the movie showing a man holding a recorder in his car and listening to the voices of a dead man he looked at the mirror and saw a dead burnt body of the main character.

"AHH!" All of the children screamed along with some of the adults.

"BURP!" Homer burped as they screamed.

* * *

The Simpson kids are on the couch scared and shaking. Bart was staring at his own dogs and imagining he had rabies, growling too much, and blood all over his mouth. Lisa stared at his father imagining that he was holding an axe and said, "Come here. Come here." with and evil grin. Maggie looked at his teddy bear and imagined that he was an evil doll.

"Here's Chucky." The evil doll said. "Wait a minute. I'm not created by Stephen King. I'm not even in a book. I'm out of here." Suddenly the evil doll turned backed into a teddy bear.

Bart and Lisa entered the school. As they entered Bart and Lisa saw a bunch of children in old clothes holding weapons.

"AHH!" Bart and Lisa screamed as they ran away as it was just normal children.

As they continued to run they bumped into a girl covered in blood.

"AHH!" Bart and Lisa screamed again as it turned out to be someones sister.

They later bumped into an psychotic Nurse holding a shotgun. Again they screamed and then bumped into Mr. Nental holding a decapitated head which all the adults think it's just some prop.

"Oh thank god. It's just the psychotic killer who is disguised as a teacher and that only children know his true identity. Well, bye Nental." Bart said as he easily calmed down after seeing many fictional horror characters from different Stephen King movies and novels.

* * *

As school is over and the two kids step outside of a building. As Bart walked to the bus a hand touched him and Bart turned around to see an grotesque gypsy behind him. He screamed and a second later it turned out to just be an old man with a tie, brown pants, a hat, and a old beard.

"It's just a hobo." Bart said.

"I'm not a hobo! Plus, I'm looking for someone. Do you know..." The old man said until he was interrupted by Lisa.

"Sorry, but we shouldn't talk to strangers." Lisa said.

"Yep. Especially when there hobo's." Bart said.

"I'M NOT A HOBO!" The old man yelled.

"Whatever hobo." Bart chuckled as the man grew angry.

"Bart!" Lisa said. "Don't make fun of the hobo... I mean old man."

"Forget it. I'm going somewhere else for information." The old man said as he left.

* * *

The next day, Marge and Homer were having coffee as Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are up in their rooms hanging out with their friends.

"This coffee is excellent Homer!" Marge said with a smile. "So where did you got the coffee beans? Did you stole it?"

"Nope. I just borrowed it from a guy..." Homer said.

"You stole it... didn't you..." Marge asked.

"No! Why would I steal coffee beans? In fact, why would I steal anything?" Homer said.

"You stole dangerous plutonium, stole the giant steel donut, stole the Olympic torch, stole the FBI's papers, guns, and plans to assassinate Fidel Castro."

"I didn't stole the coffee beans!" Homer said as he suspiciously moved his eyes back and forth.

"Whatever. You should stop lying to your wife."

Suddenly a doorbell ranged as Homer and Marge argued.

"I'll get it, you thief." Marge said.

As Marge was at the front door, she opened revealing the same man before at the school.

"What do you want? Are you trying to sell me something?" Marge asked.

"Actually no. I have been looking for someone I knew when I was a father."

"Good luck then."

"Wait! I've already found her." The man said. "It's you!"

"What?" Marge said. "I don't even know you."

"Your Marge Bouvier. Well... used to be until that Simpson messed you up. Anyway, I'm your father! Clancy Bouvier!"

"You can't be my father. He's dead after a roller coaster accident."

Suddenly Homer came to the door.

"Who is it Marge?" Homer said until he got punched by the old man and fell down to the floor.

"Take that you fat dumb ass!"

Suddenly Lenny came to the door as well.

"What's Homer doing on the floor. He owes me the coffee beans he borrowed." Lenny said.

"Well, at least Homer didn't steal any coffee beans. Anyway, you must be crazy. You're not my father."

"If you let me in. I'll show you proof!" Clancy Bouvier said.

* * *

Homer, Marge, and the Old man were sitting on the couch as the stranger showed them pictures from his wallet.

"This picture is when you, Patty, and Selma visited aunt Halley house. When your sisters met aunt Halley, they started to smoke." Clancy Bouvier said as he showed them another picture. "Anyway, this is a picture when a plane almost crashed towards our house. That's one of the causes of your fear of heights, Marge."

The man showed his another, but weird picture.

"Hey. That looks like me with Marge on the bench. Who's that?" Homer said.

"Oh that person. That's me when you got married at that time. Look at me punching you in the face." Clancy Bouvier said as they stared at a picture showing him beating Homer up along with his pals. "I got more pictures right here."

As Clancy Bouvier showed Homer and Marge more pictures of Homer getting beat up by Clancy Bouvier.

"Why does all of these pictures just show me getting hurt by you?" Homer asked.

"Because, I hate you."

"I know..." Homer said as he walked away to get beer from the fridge.

"If you're really my father, then how come your alive?" Marge asked.

"Well, as I was on the roller coaster, I thought about how my job is crummy, that I couldn't afford a good wedding for you, and that your married to that dumbass. I could either leave in shame or kill myself." Clancy Bouvier said. "So I purposely took out some nails and metal out of the ride causing a crash, but I thought about my life again as I was on the ride. So I jumped off before the roller coaster is destroyed and left as everyone thought that I was dead."

"But didn't that crash killed other people?" Marge said.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You left a ride that killed people and you made everyone thought that you were dead!"

"So?"

Marge stood up from the couch and walked up stairs.

"Good story." Lenny said as he was sitting at the bed.

"Why are you still here?"

"Homer still didn't gave me my coffee beans."

"Why don't you just get them by yourself. That dumb ass doesn't use his legs because all of that weight."

"Why do you always say dumb ass?"

"I like it. Makes me feel like a man." Clancy Bouvier answered.

"Really? Let me try it!" Lenny said as Homer comeback.

"Hi fellas." Homer said with a beer in his hand.

"Shut up dumb ass! Give me my coffee beans!" Lenny yelled at Homer. "Hey! It really does make me feel like a man."

"Why did you just call me that?" Homer said.

"It makes people feel like a man." Lenny said as Homer sit at the couch.

As Lenny, Homer, and Clancy Bouvier were sitting in the room, Homer thought he should know Marge's father more.

"So, ever been to World War II? My father has." Homer said.

"Shut up. I hate you." Clancy Bouvier said.

"I know..."

* * *

Clancy Bouvierwas sitting on the couch with Bart, Lisa, and Maggie as they looked at different photos.

"Never thought that the hobo I just saw, was my grandfather." Bart said.

"How many times do I have to tell you! I'm not a hobo!" Clancy Bouvier argued.

"Is this you in the navy?" Lisa asked.

"Actually yes. It was a better job than being a flight attendant or a Baby Photographer. I had a swearing problem back then. That's how I nearly lost both of my lousy jobs after I retired from the navy." Clancy Bouvier said.

"Did you know that our other Grandpa is also in the army?" Lisa said.

"You mean Abe? That dumb ass! Didn't he slept with my wife?" Clancy Bouvier said in anger.

"Actually no. He just dated her, then was about to marry her, until it was stopped for some unknown reason. By the way, how do you know Grandpa Abe? You haven't been around in Springfield for a long time."

"I met him in the navy. He thought that President John F. Kennedy was a Nazi after speaking his famous Berlin speech on the boat. Abe, me, and some other guys beat the crap out of him when Abe mistake him for a Nazi. That almost cost me my job in the army at that time."

"Anyway, let's get back to the photo where I made Homer eat a brick that contains nuclear waste inside."

"How come you hate our father so much." Bart said.

"It's because that guy dated my daughter, married my daughter, and... did some unnatural things to my little girl. I'll kill that dumbass someday!"

"Who wouldn't?" Bart said.

* * *

Marge was at the Wiggum's house during a Book Club. Other mothers were chatting about the book in the living room, The Outsiders.

"I just love it." Luann Van Houten said.

The other mothers began to agree as well, but Marge just had a sad look in her eye.

"What's wrong Marge." Agnes Skinner said. "You look a little pale."

"Yeah." Sarah Wiggum said as well.

"I just found out my father isn't actually dead. He left me for over fifteen, or eighteen, or maybe twenty. Well I don't know, but it's been a long time." Marge said.

"That's it! Jesus, Look at Homer. He lost her mother when he was a kid!" Agnes Skinner yelled. "You! You lost your father when you married to that fat load of lard!"

"But he lied to me!" Marge said.

"Oh. That's different than to a woman." Agnes said. "Well I got to go. Come on Seymour."

"Yes mother." Seymour Skinner said as he stepped out of the kitchen as he and his mother walked out of Wiggum's house.

"What would you ladies do if your father lied to you for a long time?" Marge asked to the other mothers.

"Well... I would ignore him and lie to him for a long time, but in a more harsher and mean way." Luann Van Houten.

"I would argue to my father and make him listen to karaoke all night from the 60s." Sarah Wiggum.

"I would try to runaway but steal some stuff from my father just to punish him." Bernice Hibbert said.

"I would try to forgive him only if he did a list of things for me, or have one of those talks that usually lead to an argument." Lenny said as he was reading the Outsiders.

"Lenny?" Marge said as he looked at him on the couch. "How the heck did you got in here?"

"I'm in the book club. Don't you remember? Plus, that dumb ass Homer still haven't gave me my coffee beans." Lenny answered.

"One. How are you going to get coffee beans now! This is Wiggum's house. Not the Simpson's! Two. This is a female book club. Plus, I thought men hated book clubs. Three. That's actually good advice." Marge said with a smile. "Still this book club is for women. You have to leave."

"Why is it always Lenny that has to leave?" Lenny asked himself.

* * *

"So here's the problem." Clancy Bouvier said. "My daughter is angry at me for lying to her for so many years. What do I do?"

Maggie and the dog was just staring at the old man as he was talking to them.

"Idiot." Maggie said as she took off her pacifier and then put it back on.

"We'll chat with you." Bart said as Homer and Abe were behind him.

"Bart's okay, but Homer and Abe? No way, am I talking this problem to dumb ass and the bigger dumb ass."

"Hah! You're a bigger dumb ass!" Homer laughed as he pointed his finger to his own father.

"Shut up bigger dumb ass!" Clancy Bouvier said and stared towards Homer.

"Yes sir..." Homer said as he quickly sat down on the couch.

"Fine! If you want to help me, then sure. Just don't act all annoying. Okay, dumb ass!"

"He meant you Grandpa."

"Nope Homer. You're a dumb ass and a bigger dumb ass at the same time. Grandpa is just an old dumb ass."

"Why do you keep on calling me dumb ass?" Homer asked. "Plus, that doesn't make any sense."

"I know it doesn't make any sense and I don't care." Clancy Bouvier said. "Anyway the problem is that my daughter is angry at me for a very long lie. What do I do?"

"Maybe instead of acting like an old time who argues about life, you can actually be a better man." Homer said.

"Really, but where do I start?"

"You can start by spending time with the kids." Homer said with a grin.

"So that's why you're talking with Grandpa." Bart said.

"Which one? The one that calls me dumb ass or the one that never raised me right?"

"The one that calls you dumb ass all the time. Anyway, I bet your just saying that so you can go to hunting season, isn't it. I even have proof." Bart said as he was holding a poster showing animals being shot by hunters.

"Why you little! Why do you always ruin my plans!" Homer said as he strangled Bart.

"Hey! Don't strangle my grandson!" Clancy Bouvier said in anger as he strangled Homer.

"Hey! Don't strangle my son!" Grandpa Abe said as he strangled Clancy Bouvier.

Suddenly Maggie joined the strangling as she was strangling Grandpa with rope.

"Well...Ack!... at least we know... Ack!... we liked to strangle people." Homer said as he was strangled by Clancy Bouvier.

"I... Ack!... still hate you!" Clancy Bouvier said as he was strangled by Grandpa Abe.

Suddenly they all stopped strangling each other and were tired of it. They all rested on the floor after being strangled and chatting with each other.

"I'm sorry. Yet, I still don't know why, but I am." Homer said.

"If you're really sorry than eat this chunk of wood with nails in it." Clancy Bouvier said

"What?..." Home whined.

"Do you want to apologize or not?"

"Err... Fine!" Homer said as he swiped the wood with nails stuck to it and began eating it. "Mmm... wood, nails, broken teeth, and blood from my gums... Mmm... strawberry gum..."

"I never thought that even he would do it." Clancy Bouvier said.

"Doesn't surprise me." Bart said as he stared at him eating the wood stuck with nails.

* * *

Clancy Bouvierwas at the park having fun withhis Grandchildren by flying kites, playing football, and fishing. This was considered unusual to Bart, Lisa, and Maggie because Grandpa Abe never did this much fun... Well, except Bart, because of stealing doormats, hustling with people, and caused fires and explosion throughout Springfield.

Lisa had a good time fishing, because they didn't actually ate the fish. They just let it go, like most fishing sports are. Bart figured out how to use math as a weapon against the school. Maggie became ruler of a little daycare playground. The next minute, they were sitting on the bench eating ice cream.

"I never had this much fun with an elder before" Lisa said.

"You mean Grandpa Abe never spend any time with all of you kids?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"Well... just Bart, but you don't want to know what they did during their time."

"Well, the point is that I actually starting to enjoy my life. Despite that I wasted it too much and almost killed myself because of it." Clancy Bouvier said as Abe was spying on them through binoculars.

"Trying to take my grandchildren away? That's not going to happen." Abe said as he was hiding in the bushes.

"You know. Your not that far." Lisa said as she, Bart, Clancy Bouvier, and Maggie were looking at him in the green bush which is near the bench.

"I must have these binoculars the wrong way." Abe said as he was looking at his binoculars.

"Why are you here?" Clancy Bouvier said in anger.

"I don't like you and you don't like me, but still I'm the only one here to spend time with my grandchildren, buster!" Abe said as he pointed his finger at Clancy Bouvier.

"There my grandchildren too! What are you going to do about it?" Clancy Bouvier argued.

"This!" Abe said as he tackled Clancy Bouvier.

"Is this how people fought back then?" Bart asked himself and his two sisters.

"I'm a genius in school. Not a genius in fighting." Lisa said as the two old men still fought.

* * *

Three hours later at the Simpson's House

Clancy Bouvier was sitting on the couch with bruises and a black eye next to Homer, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.

"How the heck could this get worst? My daughter won't forgive me and I actually got beaten by a freaking Simpson. That's just not right!" Clancy Bouvier argued

"Were Simpson's too, you know." Lisa said.

"Well, you kids are alright, but the rest are just nuts. I'm getting a..."

"Hi papa!" Marge said with a smile. "I forgive you!"

"Really? Wait, why?"

"Lenny told me that I should forgive you because... actually I really don't know why. He just told me to forgive you, but at least your alive."

"Oh thank you god!" Clancy Bouvier said with a smile as he looked up. "And thank you Lenny!"

"No problem." Lenny said as he sat on the couch and finally got the coffee beans.

"How do you always break into a house?" Marge asked.

"Moe, why?" Lenny answered and asked at the same time.

"Well anyway I also want you to do a list of things before I forgive you."

"What?"

"Yes. I want you to help me with the laundry, buy groceries, and learn to know Homer well."

"Homer? That's even more worst than before!"

"There you are!" Abe said as he was bruised and had a black eye. "This match isn't over. Even though I won, but still, this is for the children!"

"Not again." Marge said as the two old men fight again.

As they kept on fighting, Marge was sitting on the couch waiting for them to stop. Suddenly Homer had to stop it all by himself.

"Will you just stop it!" Homer yelled as he actually did something in his life. "Why are you fighting over children. Instead of making it worst, make it better! Like... you can... um... have a schedule of when you want to spend time with them..."  
"It's about time he said something smart." Bart thought.

"For once in my life, I actually agree with Homer." Clancy Bouvier said.

"Yeah. He's right. We should stop fighting." Abe said. "Oh by the way, is it okay for me to date your wife?"

"Why you little!" Clancy Bouvier said as he strangled Abe.

"Looks like everything is solved." Homer said.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Marge said. "There now fighting over about my mother."

"I still hate you Homer!" Clancy Bouvier said.

"I know..." Homer said looking down at the ground.

* * *

Grandpa Bouvier was now living in the Simpson's house, which angered Grandpa Simpson because the Simpson's did not want two grandpa's in the house. As Homer entered his house with mail at the kitchen, he opened it.

"2300!" Homer yelled as he saw a bill in one of the envelopes.

It was mostly because of high electricity, water, and that another man was in there home.

"Homer was it?" Marge said as he ran to the kitchen.

"The bill is 2300 dollars! I don't have that kind of money!" Homer said. "In fact, the electricity, water bills, and this mysterious new person living in our house has gone higher ever since that old man came into the house."

"Well what are we going to do Homie? We can't just make him live on the streets." Marge said.

"I got it!" Homer said as he came up with an idea.

* * *

"Hi Grandpa Bouvier." Bart said as he and his family entered the Springfield Retirement Castle in which where Clancy Bouvier was sitting on a chair beside Abe Simpson's chair as a bug was flying inside the room.

"I just found another reason to hate you, Homer Simpson." Clancy Bouvier said with a mean look in his eye.

"I know... but I'm sorry. We can't pay these kinds of bills." Homer said to the old man.

"Fine. I'll only except if I, your family, the rest of the elderly, and Lenny throw rocks at you. It's a good thing I have the hardest rocks in my box." Clancy Bouviersaid as each rock said "Death to Homer Simpson."

"Fine. If that will make you happy. Come on Lenny!" Homer said to Lenny as he was chatting with her grandmother.

All the elderly, the family, and Lenny came towards to pick rocks from the box and threw it at Homer Simpson.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Homer said as each rock was thrown towards his body.

"OWWWWW!" Homer said out loud as Moe threw a rock towards Homer's jewels.

"What are you doing here?" Lisa asked.

"That person owes me beer for all the beer he stole!" Moe said as he threw another rock.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

A younger Abe, Clancy Bouvier, and The Young Jewish Man were on the streets as they were still in the army. Suddenly they saw President Franklin D. Roosevelt chatting with two other people.

"It's Winston Churchill. The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Well that's okay." Clancy Bouvier said.

"Look again." The young Jewish Man said as the third man is Joseph Stalin.

"Joseph Stalin! That Russian tyrant! The president is joining forces with a communist. Get those three!" Abe said as he and his friends attack the Big Three.

"Hey. I just thought of something. Haven't we worked with Russia before?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"Anymore secrets you got Russia tyrant!" Abe said as he hold him by the shirt.

"Were certainly not planning to build more nuclear weapons on Cuba or building a wall to stop immigrants and trading in Germany or invading Czechoslovakia!" Joseph Stalin said as he was beaten up more.

Suddenly Joseph Stalin was pulling out something out of his jacket.

"Oh no. He's pulling out a gun!" Abe said.

Instead of a gun, it was Duff Beer 1945. The Russian Tyrant spilled beer all over the the young soldiers, and the two other leaders.

"Beer?" Abe said.

"Yes! Now no one will believe you! They'll think your drunk!" Joseph Stalin said as he ran away crazy.

"We got to tell this to the other countries" Franklin said.

Three days later.

"What did they say?" Abe asked as they were sitting at the couch.

"The other countries called me a drunken pig. Russians are so smart. How is it they can get away so easily?" Franklin said. "I'll just have to pass this information to the next President of the U.S. and if they don't believe him, then it will be the one after him, and on and on."


	9. Where's Marge, Homer?

Couch Scene: The Simpsons family run towards the couch and notice that Homer is not here. Suddenly they hear honking noises and then Homer crashes into the room as he is in his car. Then he honks again.

* * *

It was summer break and the Simpson kids enter the kitchen, ran to the table, and ate a bowl of cereal as Homer ate a steak with steak sauce, which is unusual because steak is usually made for supper. Plus, another thing that was unusual. Where the heck is Marge as the kids noticed and looked everywhere in the kitchen.

"Uh dad? Where's mom?" Bart asked as he was wondering where Marge is.

"Uh...um... she's at the two ogre's house." Homer said as he was sweating a little.

"Two ogres? Do you mean Patty and Selma?"

"Yes. The two ogres named Patty and Selma."

"Dad? Your acting a little suspicious today. Is something wrong."

"Okay. I won't lie to you... Well, so long!" Homer said as he picked up his briefcase and left the dinner table as fast as he can.

"Something fishy is going on." Lisa said.

"Oh, that's just me." Bart said as they were a bunch of fish under his armpits.

"What the?... Why do you have fish under your armpits?" Lisa said as she covered her noise.

"Trying to make the most awful stench on history."

"Why?"

"Stink bomb."

"Of course." Lisa said as she left with Maggie who walked and fell down on the floor continuously.

She kept on walking in the house until she reached to the phone. She dialed a bunch of numbers and heard a familiar voice that sound liked a bunch of people has smoked over years.

"Who is this?" Patty said.

"Uh, yes. Is my mom there?" Lisa asked

"No. Can you go away. I have a date right here." Selma said.

"Hey! This sink isn't broken!" A muscular young plumber said as he looked through the sink.

"Well bye!" Selma said as she quickly left the phone.

* * *

The next day, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were playing the video game, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. on the Nintendo Wii. Bart kept on making the fighter, Kirby which is called the pink marshmallow, suicides himself as he swallowed the other two players, that were princesses in pink dresses. This was annoying Lisa and Maggie who decided to stop playing.

"Go Kirby!" Bart said.

"Whatever Bart." Lisa said as she and Maggie left the room.

"Whatever." Bart said as suddenly the cat named Snowball attacked him without warning. "Hey! Get him off me!"

Lisa came into the room and saw the cat attacking Bart. She quickly took the cat off her older brother, but the cat was still acting aggressive.

"Is this dog food?" Lisa said as she smelled the cat's mouth and breath. "This cat has been acting weird lately."

"What do you mean?" Bart said.

"Well, he was swimming in water, scratching the sofa, and was wrestling with the meanest dogs of Springfield."

"That is strange, except for the sofa part. I know cat's a hate water but cats love to scratch sofa's."

Suddenly they heard something from the kitchen. They look what was inside of the kitchen and then they saw Homer washing a bunch of saws with blood all over it.

"Did Homer killed someone? Maybe it's mom. After all that could explain her disappearance." Bart said as he saw his sisters continuously screaming. "I'm not screaming but they are." Bart said as he stared at her sisters.

Suddenly the kids ran away as Homer saw them.

"What's wrong with them? I'm just washing ketchup on the saws from an early barbeque." Homer said as they ran away quickly and finished cleaning the saws with ketchup on it. "I'm outta here."

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie stopped for a while in the basement and thought about it for a sec.

"That's Homer were talking about. He wouldn't hurt a fly." Lisa said. "Maybe that red blood is actually some kind of tomato sauce?"

"Is it Lisa? Why would tomato sauce be used on a saw?" Bart asked.

"Well... I don't know... I guess we're going to have to wait and see."

"I don't know about that." Bart said as he pulled out a book about secret conspiracies and murders by Al Gore. "This book is called, "The Real Criminals and Liars."

"You actually read?" Lisa said as she was surprised.

"Only books that will help me in situations like this."

"What about taxes, and getting jobs?"

"That's only for adults. Anyway, this book will explain everything that might be strange, weird, or similar to the mind of Ralph." Bart said as he read through chapters. "Here's the chapter about a killer. If your father has killed someone, that usually means there are more people behind it. Only, if that person is fat, ugly, bald, and his brain has been replaced with a wrench. Now do you believe me Lisa, do you... Lisa...?"

"Your acting a little creepy... I'll just go..." Lisa said as she took Maggie with her and walked up the stairs.

"You'll be sorry if I found the proof!"

* * *

The next day, Bart was watching the Krusty show on TV, Lisa was reading Tom Sawyer of a book, and Maggie was playing with her toys, which included a pistol and some nails. Suddenly there were more voices in the Simpsons house. Bart, Lisa, and Maggie went to see what it was as they looked through the entrance of the kitchen.

"Okay guys. Here's the body..." Homer said to Moe, Lenny, Carl, and Barney as he carried a huge bag.

"Oh no! I think your right Bart." Lisa said as they stopped looking and they were back into the same room.

"...the body of a deer!" Homer said as he showed them the deer in the bag and that the kids did not hear the whole sentence.

The children looked back of what was happening.

"Are you sure Homer? You shouldn't have shot him, or her? Anyway, the point is that we could all get busted..."

The children stopped looking again and talked about the problem in the same room.

"Homer's friends are all a part of this crime! They did murdered mom!"

"...busted for hunting a deer before deer season comes to Springfield." Moe said as he completed his words.

The kids looked back into the room as Lenny started to talk.

"What if anyone knows about this. We got to get rid of the evidence." Lenny said.

"We could eat it and put it on a frying pan or pot."

Suddenly Lisa was about to barf as she ran to the bathroom. A little later, Lisa came back to see what were they talking about.

"What if someone knows about this? Like your three kids. They could mess up everything." Carl asked.

"Yeah, Homer. What are you going to do?" Barney asked.

"We only have two." Homer said.

"What about the baby. I think her name is Maggie?" Moe corrected Homer.

"Whatever. If they do find out, I'll get rid of them for good." Homer said.

Suddenly the children ran to their rooms as fast as they could.

"and when I mean get rid of... I mean make them go to the youth center next week. They have ponies which Lisa can't resist. Bart likes playing videogames, pool, and basketball. Maggie will see a bunch of toys there. It will erase their minds in ways you can't imagine."

"Hey! You just mentioned Maggie right now!" Moe said.

"Yeah, so? I have three children. I know them more than you do!" Homer said

"Guys! Can we just focus on the problem! Anyway, it better work or the police will jail us to a cell filled with the most violent criminals." Lenny said.

* * *

Homer was sleeping in the master room as Bart, Lisa, and Maggie got up from their beds and secretly went down stairs to the kitchen. They saw the same bag as before. There was blood stains, it smelled bad, and the size of what it was in there is huge. Bart closely walked towards the bag and pulled out his small camera as he slowly opened the gross stench of the bag.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Homer yelled loudly as he was wearing a hockey mask with a machete.

"AHH!" The kids scream out loud as Homer looked a little like Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th movie series.

"You didn't look inside that bag... did you?" Homer asked with a spooky voice.

"No." Bart said.

"Oh good. I got to go to a hockey game with my buds and send this machete back to the military store. Also, I need this." Homer said as he grabbed the bag so they won't find out what's in it. "Well, bye kids... and don't let bed bugs bite... my precious little kids... and don't forget about the boogey monster and the hideous clown... and I love you... damn you..."

"Okay." Bart and Lisa said as they showed a fake smile and were scared at the same time.

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were at the woods spying on Homer and his friends as they stepped out of the car. The kids made it all the way over here with their bikes. Homer pulled out a bag from his trunk.

"Oh my god." Bart said. "Mom is in there!"

"We don't know for sure. Even though pretty much everything sounds closely true." Lisa said. "What are they saying anyway? I can't hear them."

"How would I know? I can only read a little things about lips."

Meanwhile at the car where Homer and his friends are.

"Is that the same bag with the deer?" Lenny said.

"Nope. It's a bag filled with worms for our fishing trip. Just worms and nothing else." Homer said.

"Can we just stop talking about the murder! I heard things that the American Government uses devices in our own electronics to find out what we're doing. The government is sneaky you know!" Moe said as he pulled fishing rods from the trunk.

"Really?" Homer said. "Then we must destroy all our electronics!"

Suddenly the guys pulled out there small laptops, IPods, cell phones, PSP, Nintendo DS, thumb drives, cameras, microwaves, food blenders, timers, radio, voicebox, an electronic air powered frying pan and other electronics from their pockets.

"Go to hell Apple, Microsoft, Nintendo, Sony, and all of you other electronic owning genius's who sends parts of their money to charity, economy, schools, and church!" Moe said as he broke the electronics with a hammer."

"By the way Moe. How do you know all about this electronic spying thing anyway?" Carl asked.

"I found out about this new book by Al Gore that's about conspiracy's and murders. It's called 'The Real Murders and Liars'." Moe said. "They say that all those famous fancy restaurants today are actually just using fast food. Also, they say that the first nuclear missile was actually invented by the Africans, not Americans. This book has everything! I have some copies if you want."

"Sure" The other guys said as Moe gave them some books.

"Oh my god. There trying to cover everything up!" Bart said as he was able to read a little bit from their lips.

"Uh, Bart. They seemed to talk a lot. Are you sure it's just covering everything up?" Lisa asked.

"Lisa, you can trust me. Have I ever done anything bad to you?"

"Let's see. You ruined my science project's seventy-six times, you sold my diary to Nelson Muntz, and my doll's heads are gone!"

"You can still trust me though?" Bart asked.

"I guess..."

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie moved towards the lake as Homer, Lenny, Moe, Carl, and Barney lifted the boat and walked towards the lake. The men finally made it to the lake and set the boat down. They grabbed the bag and dropped it on the boat by purpose. After that they all sat down on the boat as they fished.

"What are they doing right now? Are they just fishing?" Bart said.

"Bart! Look!" Lisa said as Homer opened the bag and pulled out worms. "Oh dang it! I can't see it because of Homer's huge butt!"

"Yep. Homer's weight can be a challenge in murders... and sometimes for the doors, elevators, and cars too." Bart laughed a little.

"Fatty!" Maggie said with a smile.

The kids kept on watching as Homer put the worms on the hook of his fishing rod and threw it into the water. The kids thought of something else. They thought Homer was using Marge as bait for the fish. Lisa suddenly had to threw up again.

"When will this horror end?" Bart said.

"I caught one!" Homer yelled. "The bait works again!"

"Again?" Lisa said as she came back. "Has our father killed other people too?"

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were now at home trying to come up plans to get real proof, but they have none. Later, they decide to look at the bag again with a camera.

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie again slowly walked towards the bag in the kitchen. As they open it, they saw nothing.

"Where is it?" Bart asked.

"Nothing?" Homer said as he was cooking parts of the deer in boiling water, inside the oven, and fried on the pan. Suddenly the children were in horror.

"AHH!" Bart, Lisa, and Maggie screamed all at once as they saw Homer and ran.

"What's wrong with them. I may haven't cooked for a long time, but that doesn't mean I suck."

After a while, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were at the dinner table with Homer. They were all shivering as they looked at their dinner plates with meat on them.

"Uhh dad. I'm a vegetarian. Can I just get an apple." Lisa shivered in fear.

"Sure honey. Anything for my little girl." Homer said happily.

"Anything?" Lisa said as she was still in fear.

"Yeah?" Homer said as he pulled out another piece of deer on the table.

Suddenly the kids realize something as they saw that piece of deer. There were burnt antlers on it.

"Homer? Why are there antlers on there?" Bart said.

"It's just deer from the... wait a minute...um... from the market." Homer lied.

Suddenly the kids were laughing.

"What's so funny?" Homer asked.

"For a second there. We thought that meat was... well... never mind..." Bart said as he and her sisters walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

"Lisa. Lisa. LISA!" Bart yelled at her face as Lisa woke up from her bed.

"What the heck do you want?" Lisa said as she got up from the bed. "It's 3:00, Bart."

"Yes, but look outside from my window. Homer is burying something in the backyard."

The kids quickly went towards to Bart's room and slowly looked outside of Bart's window. Bart was right. Homer was burying something in the backyard as he was listening to country music mixed with Jazz from the 80s.

"What do you think is under all that dirt?" Lisa asked.

"Maybe it's mom or some evidence that might prove that Homer murdered mom." Bart said.

"You know what's strange. You actually said something intelligent." Lisa said.

"Oh yeah. Is this intelligent?" Bart said as she kicked her sister.

"Ow! How am I related to this selfish idiot?" Lisa thought.

"Right now we wait. Tomorrow we dig to see what Homer is hiding from us." Bart said.

"So... uh... your an A student right?" Bart said as he was bored from waiting.

"Yep... How's life being a troublemaker?" Lisa asked.

"Good... What's it like being a baby." Bart said to her youngest sister, Maggie.

Maggie just played with her toys.

"I'm bored. I'm going to sleep." Lisa said.

"Me too." Bart said.

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were digging in the backyard by using shovels so they can see what is underneath the ground. They kept on digging everywhere. Until they finally found it.

"I think we might have found it!" Bart said.

"Yeah. I kept telling you to dig near the tire swing. That's where dad put whatever is under there."

"Will you just be quiet. Let's see what's under here." Bart said as he dig further with his shovel.

They finally stopped after seeing Homer's secret.

"Why is hiding Playboy magazines in the ground?" Bart said as he grabbed the magazine's.

"Playboy magazine's?" Lisa said. "I thought he was hiding the dead body, the saws, or bones. This is just getting weirder and why Playboy Magazine's?"

"This book says that we should always look in the criminal's wallet or purse."

"That's a good idea. What else does that book says?"

"It says that Abraham Lincoln planned his own assassination because he couldn't take more stress during the reunification era."

"That is definitely stupid. Why would he just planned his assassination over stress during the reunification era? All the president's have to go through the bad times." Lisa said as she, Bart, and Maggie went back to the house.

* * *

The kids were searching everywhere in the master bed room as Homer left with his friends. They kept on searching which caused a big mess. Finally, they found the wallet underneath the bed. Bart looked through the wallet and found a picture of Homer playing basketball with his underwear on, a picture where Homer was running from an angry mob, and a picture of drunken Homer wrestling George Bush during the Super Bowl. Bart looked through his wallet again and found Marge's jewelry in it.

"Hey Lisa! Mom's jewelry is in here." Bart said.

"Call the police. We found some evidence." Lisa said as she looked for more clues and proof.

Bart headed to the phone and dialed in 911.

"Hello." Dr. Hibbert said.

"911 for the police. Not the hospital!" Bart said angrily.

"No one ever wants to talk to the hospital... Fine..." Dr. Hibbert said as he hanged up at the hospital.

Suddenly Dr. Hibbert got another call.

"Doctor! This is an emerg..."

"I know what you want. That fat policeman's help. Good day, sir!" Dr. Hibbert yelled at the man.

Meanwhile at the Simpson's house. Bart did it again and this time he heard Chief Wiggum's voice.

"Hello Police Chief Wiggum. We think our dad is a killer. We have some small evidence. Can you come here to check on it." Bart said.

"Sure, but right now were busy. I'm trying to capture these criminals that just escaped." Chief Wiggum said as he hanged up.

"Okay everybody. Who's up for the board game 'Twister'!" Chief Wiggum smiled as he showed Snake, Fat Tony, Sideshow Bob, Frank Grimes Jr., and Snake Jailbird.

"Sure" Sideshow Bob said. "I need a bit of a stretch and all I get here is 'Candy Land' and 'Sorry!'."

* * *

The Simpson kids kept on searching through the master bed room until they heard a voice downstairs.

"Hey kids! I forgot my wallet!" Homer said.

The kids quickly ran to the closet as Homer entered the bed room.

"Man, this is a mess. If your thinking that I'm going to clean all of this! Than your wrong! Now come here Bart, Lisa, and Maggie!" Homer yelled as he was looking under the bed to see if his wallet was still there.

The kids silently sneaked out of the room. Then they silently went down the stairs to the kitchen. The kids then saw a arm on the ground.  
"AHH!" Lisa screamed.

"Oh dang it, Lisa. You shouldn't scream when there's a killer here!" Bart said angrily. "Quick! To the basement!"

The kids ran to the basement as Homer entered the kitchen and stared at an arm.

"What's this toy arm here for? This looks like the arm I used to scare girls with my buds when I was little. Good times..." Homer said as he picked up a large toy axe. "It's the toy axe from my tenth time going Trick R Treating. I wonder if there are other toys I remember."

Homer then entered the basement holding the toy axe as the kids were hiding behind boxes.

"Oh kids? Are you here? Papa wants a word with you." Homer said as he moved the boxes and saw the kids. "Hi kids!"

Suddenly Bart kicked him in the nuts.

"I... just said... hi... damn... him..." Homer said as he felled to the ground.

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie quickly ran away as Homer got up on his feet again. Homer chased them as the three kids were running away. They ran to the TV room, to the kitchen, to the dining room, to the kids room, to the basement again, and then back were they started. Homer managed to catch Bart by the neck. He was then strangling him... Simpson style.

"I'll kill you boy! This is punishment for kicking me in the nuts! I'll kill you!" Homer said.

Suddenly the police barged into the room and tackled Homer causing him to strangling Bart.

"Homer Simpson. You are arrested for the murder of your wife." Chief Wiggum said.

"Did I say I kill him I mean... Wait? Murder? What the heck do you mean?" Homer asked as his hands were still on Bart's neck.

"These kids told us about jewelry, a body in a bag, and that your friends are a part of it too."

"What?" Homer said. "Just let me explain!"

Suddenly Marge stepped in the door alive.

"What's going on?" Marge asked.

* * *

Ten minutes later, The Simpsons, Homer's friends, and the police were outside talking about what happened.

"You see, Marge was having her own vacation again and didn't want these kids ruining it, so I didn't tell them." Homer said.

"But what was in the bag?" Bart said.

"It was a dee..." Homer said until Moe interrupted him.

"It was worms! Just worms!" Moe said.

"Well anyway, the saws you kids saw were actually from a barbeque. That blood is actually ketchup." Homer said.

"What's with the playboy magazines in the ground." Bart asked.

"Playboy magazine's?" Marge said to Homer with an angry look.

"Oh, I see. You had to hide them. Didn't you?"

"Yep. The axe and the arm were just a bunch of toys from my time and the jewelry. The jewelry wasn't Marge's. It was a present for her. I didn't really stole them." Homer said as he moved his eyes back and forth. "And the cat that was acting strangely. That's not really Lisa's cat. I killed Snowball by accident by my car and had to replace it with another cat that looked similar and named it Snowball also."

"I never asked anything about Snowball's strange behavior! How could you kill my cat!" Lisa yelled.

"Well... woops..." Homer said.

Suddenly Lisa ran away towards the house.

"What's wrong with her? I got her a new cat. It looks exactly like her old one." Homer said as he wondered why Lisa ran off. "By the way, I guess we crushed our electronics for nothing, Moe!"

"Oh what do you know. I hear my oven making large noises." Moe said as he ran away.

"Now he has to lie his way out." Lenny said as he saw him ran.

"Just forget about that jerk." Carl said as he and his buds turned around as a explosion came behind them.

Suddenly a broken oven crashed towards Homer.

"Oww..."

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Meanwhile at a U.S. Government Building located somewhere in Death's Valley.

A man was looking at a screen showing the Simpson's family.

"We got to be careful about that kid. Most of that family and their friends have lost faith in that book. Only Bart Simpson remains."

"You want me to kill him, Sir?" An Agent said as he pulled out a sniper.

"What? No way! He's a kid for crying out loud." The man said. "We wanted you to kill Al Gore when he was going to release that book of his, but it was too late and if he died after the release, there were going to be some investigations involving that book. Meaning, that we can't kill that kid or Al Gore."

"Why do you keep on telling me this!" The agent whined as he ran away and the man turned towards the screen where he saw Bart Simpson breaking his arm on purpose.

"You may not look like it Bart Simpson, but you must be smart. You can't stop the U.S. Government." The man said. "One smart kid."

Suddenly the screen than showed Bart bumping his head by purpose on the wall.

"One smart kid..."


	10. Sideshow Bob's New Life

(This guy who reviews my stories and calls himself "Simpson Fan" requested a story about Sideshow Bob. Everyone knows that Sideshow Bob is a great character, so why not make a story about a funny criminal who can't even murder Bart, has large feet, and gets smacked by a bunch of rakes?)

* * *

Couch Scene: Marge, Lisa, and Maggie ran to the couch and sat as they wondered where Homer and Bart is. Meanwhile at Area 51 in an unknown area. Homer and Bart are holding guns and are fighting Kang and Kodos in a parody of "Men in Black".

Ralph's Word sequence: "I have water on both my shirt and pant." Ralph said as his armpits and back was sweating. "Now it's just my pants."

* * *

"Hello Sideshow Bob." The Judge said as he spoke to Sideshow Bob in a court. "It's been over an year now. Your free to go, including your family, but if you try to murder Bart, his family, or anyone. It will be more than a year! Also, I'm placing you under house arrest for a week except during job hours. You can look for a job on Saturday, if you don't have one."

"Don't worry. My murder schemes have always been failures. Mostly because of Bart's baby sister. Sometimes Maggie." Sideshow Bob said as he looked through an album of attempted murders.

It showed a picture where Bart was tied to train tracks as Maggie was threatening Sideshow Bob with a Barrel shotgun. Another picture showed that Bart was going to be hanged until the rope was ripped. Another picture showed Sideshow Bob chasing Bart with a knife as Homer was chasing Sideshow Bob in a car.

"Good times." Sideshow Bob said.

"Anyway here's your stuff." The judge said as he pulled out a bag filled with Bob's possession's. "Here's a poem of the Super Mario Bros., some guns that have the words carved into it that says Die Bart, a photo that shows you hanging out with a strangled Bart yet smiling, and an unfinished book based on your life of a criminal. Anyone could tell as the victim, Mart, says 'Ay Carumba' and 'Don't have a cow, Man!'."

"I guess I should change that, but anyway I'm free and I'll will start a new life in America. What are the houses that are available in Springfield?" Sideshow Bob asks as the Judge gave him back his possessions.

"I think the only one is at Evergreen Terrace."

"Wait? That's where Bart's house is!" Sideshow Bob said. "Well... I guess I could try to have a positive relationship with Bart..."

"Also, you got to be careful." The Judge said. "You're one of the top five criminals. There's Fat Tony, Mr. Burns, Sideshow Bob, the mysterious psychotic cannibal that's been brutally murdering people, and the most famous and evil criminal that Springfield has ever faced. El Barto! People will try to put you back to jail or get you kicked out of town."

"Don't worry. I just need a job, shelter, and money." Sideshow Bob said. "Well I'm going."

As Sideshow Bob walked to freedom, his big feet stepped on a rake causing it to hit his face. "Looks like this hasn't changed a bit..."

As Sideshow Bob walks out of court with his family, he sees an angry mob. Most of them wants him put back to jail, out of town, or even killed. Bart was the only boy to hate him more than anyone else. As Sideshow Bob and his family walked through the mob he began to spoke.

"Please everyone. In Springfield today, I'm not a criminal no more! Today, I'm just a normal citizen who needs a job, shelter, and to pay food for my family. I don't care how you view me as a criminal. Now I'm off to buy a house in Springfield."

The mob still didn't trust him after all he done here. The town got fooled many times, but this time it was different. Even the idiots didn't got fooled and they were more angry as most of them were hillbillies.

"Get off of our country!" Cletus said. "We don't need another criminal here! Someone already got that job, isn't that right Snake?"

"Dude, yeah. I'm like one of the hard core criminals here." Snake said.

"Go to hell Bob!" Bart said in front of Sideshow Bob.

"It's you little... wait... let me try to remember... it's been an year... it was Bart was it?" Sideshow Bob said. "How old are you now?"

"I'm eleven." Bart said angrily.

"How's school? I heard Ms. Krabappel is your home teacher."

"Yep. Some teachers are bad, and some are good. The worst is Mr. Nental. The adult thinks he's all nice and funny, yet he even tells them his scary stories and they think it's a joke. Plus... Wait a minute. Are you trying to distract me for some evil plan?"

"No and plus I even think Mr. Nental is nice. He, Ned, and Reverend helped me created a Christian play for all the criminals back in prison."

"He even got to you." Bart whispered.

"Well, bye Bart. I hope we can create a positive friendship together." Sideshow Bob said.

"Why would I want that after all those years!" Bart said.

"Bart. That was all in one year." Lisa said as he came to Bart. "You would've said months. Not years."

"Be quiet Lisa. No one needs a smart kid to brag and correct people's mistakes."

"You even admit that you made a mistake!" Lisa said with a smile.

"Shut up!"

* * *

Bart watches Sideshow's Bob's house with binoculars. He kept on watching until Lisa came to him.

"Hey Bart! I just got an idea where you can tell if he's planning or not." Lisa said.

"Really? How?" Bart asked.

"Well... it involves getting advice from the serial killer Mr. Nental."

"HELL NO!"

"I thought you might have say that. When I asked him for help to find dad who was captured by Frank Grimes, he didn't ask me for money, gifts, or any valuables. He ask me for information about a lamb. I mean, who the hell would want information about a lamb that just killed. I know it's cruel but how!"

"Did you just say hell?" Bart asked.

"What? Uhh... No..." Lisa answered.

"Yes you did! You said hell! I never seen you said a curse word!"

Suddenly Homer came in.

"Hey everybody, I got donuts!" Homer said.

"Hey guess what!" Bart said. "Lisa just said hell!"

"My god! Lisa's first curse word!"

"I did not say hell!" Lisa yelled.

"You just did it again!" Bart said with a smile.

"What's happening here?" Marge asked as she was carrying Maggie.

"Lisa just said hell!" Homer said.

"My god? She did! Get the video camera!"

"What's so surprising of me saying a hell? It's just a dam curse word!" Lisa yelled until she realized she just said dam.

"I got it on video!" Marge said. "Let's replay it!"

"It's just a dam curse word, It's just a dam curse word, It's just a dam curse word." The video camera spoke through the audio and repeatedly said it over and over again.

"Ahh. The voice of an angel." Homer said as he heard Lisa's curse word over and over again.

* * *

The next day, Bart was at the video arcade playing Pac-man. Suddenly as the ghosts were chasing Pac-Man. Pac-Man started chasing them without even getting a power up.

"The hunter became the hunted." Bart laughed.

Suddenly a ticking noise was heard. It started to annoy Bart as he thought it was some other arcade game.

"Can any of you stop playing that noise!" Bart yelled.

Suddenly he realized it was coming from his own arcade game. He looked behind and saw a bomb ticking.

"Ay Carumba." Bart said as he saw the bomb.

Bart yelled out to the other customers and said, "RUN! THERE'S A BOMB!"

The customers quickly ran except the boss of the arcade.

"Oh sure! Run away because of some small bomb. So much for being loyal customers." The boss said.

A little later, the bomb exploded as the arcade was consumed by flames.

Twenty Minutes later, Bart was sitting at the bench as policemen asked him questions. The policemen asked the child too many questions that it drive him insane a little. Suddenly he stopped them.

"Look! There's one thing I only know! Sideshow Bob did it! He wants revenge on me! Go arrest him and it will be over!" Bart said.

"Sorry kid." Clancy Wiggum said. "We don't have any evidence except parts of that bomb. Which will be made into a tiny statue of me!"

"You know Wiggum!" Bart yelled. "I don't get it how your still the Chief of Police. You haven't done anything right! I'm leaving right now!"

As Bart left the mall, Clancy Wiggum actually thought about it for once.

"You know. The kid is right. I haven't been doing my job. All I've been doing is eating donuts, gambling with squirrels, and playing pong with Snake all day." Clancy Wiggum said. "Well not anymore it is!"

* * *

Sideshow Bob is inside of his house as there was another mob in front of him.

"I just got a job as a lumber jack and this is what happens!" Sideshow Bob said. "Why do people think that every bad thing that happens to Bart is because of me!"

"Don't worry." Sideshow's Bob wife said. "It will turn out good sooner or later. Even though people hate you right now. Your family loves you."

"Yes. Your right." Sideshow Bob said with a smile. "Now. I'm going to get my tools for my job."

As Sideshow Bob walked towards the basement, his large feet stepped on the rake and it smacked his face again.

"How did this got here?"

* * *

"Okay Snake!" Clancy Wiggum said as he talked to the criminal Snake as he was in jail. "I'm trying to understand the criminal mind here. Do you got any tips?"

"Not really. I'm just one of those ordinary yet threatening and handsome criminals. Anyway it's time for pong."

"Oh, it is." Wiggum said as he opened the cell. "I serve first."

"Okay Quimby!" Wiggum said. "We know that you done a lot of bad things during the past, today, and probably future. In other words, you're a criminal."

"What? That's crazy. I'm not a criminal!" Quimby said until knives, scissors, nunchuks, guns, and the weekly New Criminal Times magazine felled out of his clothes.

"Hi Quimby." Fat Tony said as he entered his office with a bag that has dead body in it. "Woops. This isn't a good time... is it?"

* * *

"Okay, James Monroe. I hear you understand how the criminal mind works." Clancy Wiggum said.

"Well, actually yes, but I have an appointment in six minutes." James Monroe said. "I know someone better than me. In fact he's a citizen of Springfield. His name is Danny Nental."

"Danny Nental? Sounds familiar to one of the Top Ten Most Wanted criminal, Daniel Nental, but who cares right now." Clancy Wiggum said. "What does this guy know?"

"He's actually a nut, but a genius at the same time. He's also one of those few Springfield citizens who likes opera, plays, and classical music."

"So how's he a nut?" Clancy Wiggum said.

"He believes in this guy named Jesus."

"Hey! Lot's a people believe in him. Don't mess with Christians, buddy."

"Well anyway, not only that, Nental can actually make people feel scared all the time. He can give you jokes about his so called criminal life, but he can scare you by knowing your darkest secrets. Sometimes even worst. Plus, not only that he can do almost any job from a janitor to a senator. His current jobs are a health teacher, a doctor, a psychiatrist, and a neurologist. He's a scary, but smart man."

'You already told me that! Where does he live?" Clancy Wiggum yelled.

"He lives at the suburbs of this town at Oakland Street. His house is half the size of Mr. Burns house." James Monroe said. "Plus, I heard some strange rumors from children that the nice guy, yet creepy, is a murderer. Yet, there's no proof. Well, good luck."

* * *

Clancy Wiggum was in front of Mr. Nental's house as he stepped in his front yard. Suddenly two vicious dogs were barking at him they were chasing at him so fast that Clancy Wiggum had to shot them with a bullet. Though it didn't work as the dogs catches the bullets in their mouth, chewed it up, and spitted it out in a similar way that the Terminator did. Even though, it gave enough time for Clancy Wiggum to enter the house.

Clancy quickly closed the door as the dogs tried to get in.

"That was a close one." Clancy Wiggum said as he looked at the insides of the house. "Dang. This place looks all fancy in the inside than the outside."

"Yes it does." Mr. Nental said as he surprised Clancy Wiggum behind his back.

"Whoa!" Clancy said as he was surprised. "Don't you know that's rude to scare people like that."

"So I believe you want to know who's the real culprit behind that bomb in the Game Arcade?" Mr. Nental asked.

"Yeah and... hey. How do you know?"

"Instincts."

"Oh. Okay then." Clancy said as they went to a small library.

Mr. Nental went to his desk as Clancy sat down in a chair.

"Do you have any clues, pictures, papers, or anything?" Mr. Nental asked.

"Just a picture of this bomb." Clancy said as he handed Mr. Nental.

"Hmm... I see..."

"What is it?"

"First, tell me. What's a big dumb fatty having a job that should be owned by a strong man who knows how to use a pistol's on the bad guys rather than using pistol's on Ice Cream Sundays?"

"Enough of this. Just tell me what's going on." Clancy said.

"Tell me Wiggum. If you could get this job through massaging the mayor, or a bribe if people called it, why couldn't you become those big city cops?"

"Enough Nental!"

"Tell me! Is it because there's more work for all the big criminals or is it because there's more serious exercises."

"Fine! I didn't want to be a city cop because of some hobo stalking at me in night. He's always going through my fridge and eating my snacks!" Clancy confessed

"Uh... okay... I mean, thank you... sort of..." Mr. Nental said. "Well, anyway. This bomb here is made only in France. Does Bart have any enemies that speak, from, born, or involved with France?"

"Well, Sideshow Bob speaks French. Plus, his wife and son was from France also. There only people I can think of."

"I might have already know who it is..." Mr. Nental said.

"What? How! Who is it!" Clancy Wiggum said.

"I just said might Wiggum. Plus, I won't just give you an answer right now. It wouldn't be you solving the mystery because you never found out who did it. I would be me who solved the mystery if my answer was opened to public. You got a job Wiggum. Anyway, I'm cooking some beef. You can have some if you want."

"Sure." Clancy said as Mr. Nental left to the kitchen.

Clancy was bored a little and decide to see what he had in the bookshelves. As he picked up one book, he read it through. The book was about murderers who cannibalized their victims.

"Hello Wiggum." Mr. Nental said as he pulled out a knife.

"Hi Nental. Nice Texas Chainsaw Massacre Book you have here. There's a guy here chasing a lady with a chainsaw, strangely no mask." Wiggum said. "Why are you holding that knife towards me."

"Uh... this is for cutting the beef." Mr. Nental said as he knew the guy was really stupid.

"What kind of meat is it made from?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't eat it." Nental laughed with Wiggum.

"Good joke. Anyway, is it made from dog, because if it is, I'm outta here."

"No."

"Monkey?"

"No."

"A Jackalope?"

"No and a Jackalope is not real. Seriously, do you think that rabbits actually have antlers?"

"My son saw a Jackalope along with a leprechaun and a fairy.

"Whatever."

"By the way, if I do solve this case. Can you help me capture the mysterious El Barto?"

"I don't know about that. He's actually one of those rare criminals that even I can't understand his motive. It's like he's a kid..." Mr. Nental said.

"What? You never got a perfect childhood. I've been cleaning laundry in New York city when it was filled with rats, people, all kinds of nuts. I and my dad was lucky to move to Springfield."

"Perfect childhood? Do you know what my childhood was! I was a freaking war orphan at my time." Mr. Nental yelled uncontrollable with anger. "My parents were killed by both Russians and Germans and my little sister... never mind... Anyway because of that I had to murder each one of them and I became a psychotic killer!"

"Ohh... Sorry pal... Let me get you a back rub." Clancy Wiggum said as he massaged Nental's back with his gun.

"That feels better."

"By the way what was that last thing you said?" Clancy said.

"Umm... a crazy salesman?"

"Oh. I thought you said an angered mailman."

"What?"

* * *

Bart entered Sideshow Bob's house by breaking the window as they were gone. The boy was looking for any evidence. He kept on searching and searching but he couldn't find anything.

"Where the heck are the knives, the guns, the pictures of me with darts on my forehead?" Bart said to himself.

"Hello Bart." Sideshow Bob said as he was carrying a chainsaw as it was activated.

"AHH! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed.

"Just call me Bob." Sideshow Bob said.

"AHH! Bob!" Bart screamed again.

"What the heck are you screaming about anyway. I'm a lumber jack right now if you're wondering why I'm carrying this chainsaw. I'm trying to look for better jobs during Saturdays." Sideshow Bob said.

"I thought you were having pizza with your family."

"I'm under house arrest except during job hours, and four hours of Saturday." Sideshow Bob said. "You know Bart. Why can't you just accept that I've stopped trying to kill you with all my evil schemes. The town finally knows that I'm a criminal and they think that I am. Can't I have a break from this."

"No!" Bart said as he ran away from the house.

* * *

"You know Bart, I know that Sideshow Bob always tries to win the trust of this town and then betrays there trust, I think that Bob is actually being good this time." Lisa said as she and Bart were in the kitchen.

"Oh yeah? How do you know?"

"Well, he saved your life from Cecil's evil plan. Plus, he kindly said that he was going to fixed the red car back in Europe."

"Yeah, until you got drunk and revealed his secret. Plus, I can't trust him this time." Bart said as he grabbed his juice box.

"Hey kid." Mr. Moleman said through a window. "Can I have a sip of that juice box?"

"Have the whole thing. I don't feel like drinking sweet juice today." Bart said as he handed it through the window to Moleman.

"That's good and..." Mr. Moleman said as he suddenly felled to the ground dead. (Note: He will be returned alive later. He's been seen dead in the series a lot of times and returned alive later. He's kind of like a Simpson version of Kenny.)

Twenty Minutes later.

Dr. Hibbert went to Bart and Wiggum as he spoke.

"Well. Moleman died of a rare type of poison. This one is usually from France. Here's the container of poison from both Moleman and the Juice Box." Dr. Hibbert said as he left.

"Hey Bart." Clancy Wiggum said. "Do you know anyone who speaks, born, from, or involves with France?"

"Well there's Sideshow Bob, that one squirrel, and the Prime Minister of France." Bart said.

* * *

"Interesting." Mr. Nental said as he identified the poison inside his house. "This poison is rare to find and considered to be found only in France. It's also considered mysterious. Also, this poison can only be made by two or three guys who are experts at making alcoholic beverages including wine."

"Why just experts at making wine and alcoholic beverages?" Clancy Wiggum said as a the two dogs are biting his legs and his clothes are ripped.

"That's actually why the poison is mysterious. Why is it made by just those people. That's the mystery." Nental said. "Anyway, my dog's don't seem to like you."

"Don't worry. I been to more worst situations than this. You should the hospital here."

"Anyway, I say the guys who made this are very poor, mean, yet clever at the same time." Nental said.

"So there are actually two or more criminals who are poor, French, mean, clever, and can are expert at making alcohol and wine. Who could that be?" Clancy Wiggum said as he kept on thinking."

* * *

Bart was playing videogames for a while until he heard Homer's voice.

"Bart!" Homer said.

"Oh shoot! Choirs again?" Bart said as he ran to the closet.

Homer entered his room and saw no Bart. After a while, he left the room without even looking through the closet. After ten minutes, Bart stepped out of the closet and heard no noises. He walked to his door and saw a note.

"Doh!" Bart said as the letter says that the rest of the family were going out for ice cream. "Well. I guess I can do anything I want."

"Are you sure about that?" A voice behind him said.

Bart turned around and saw two men dressed up in cloaks.

"AHH! Sideshow... Wait a minute. You're not Sideshow Bob." Bart said.

"Yes, indeed." The man said as they both took off their cloaks to reveal themselves as two guys from France. "We are Ugolin and Cesar." (The two French Guys from the Simpson Episode, "The Crepes of Wrath")

"I still don't know you." Bart said as he saw the thin and fat French men staring at them.

"Wait a minute? You don't remember us?" Ugolin said.

"Yep. I have a life dude. Deal with it."

"So you don't remember when we gave you Anti-Freeze?" Cesar said.

"Nope."

"What about the donkey?" Ugolin said.

"Nope."

"You can't remember French people?" Cesar said.

"French? Oh yeah. Now I remember, you're the guys who made me a slave in the wine business than I told the police about your anti-freeze. It's all coming back to me now." Bart said.

"Wait. You just remembered when we said we were French? Kid's today..." Ugolin said. "Just get him."

The two French Men pulled out some rope and knives as they chased Bart. As they were chasing the boy, Sideshow Bob saw Bart running away from criminals through his windows.

"The boy is in trouble. Should I save him, even though I'm under house arrest. It might stop the mob." Sideshow Bob said. "I'll do it."

Sideshow Bob ran outside of his house and said, "Don't worry Bart! I'll save you." until he stepped on another rake and got smacked by the face. "When will this ever stop?"

Sideshow Bob entered the house with a shovel and went to another room. He saw Bart tied up by the two French Men. Ugolin and Cesar spotted Sideshow Bob with a shovel as Ugolin hold up a knife towards him.

"A knife? Hah! I have a shovel, bigger and longer than a..." Sideshow Bob said as Cesar pulled out a gun from his sleeve.

"Get to the chair." Cesar said as he pointed a gun towards him.

"Yes sir." Sideshow Bob said simply.

Five minutes, later. Sideshow Bob and Bart were tied up to chairs in a house as the criminals were stilling The Simpson's valuables. Suddenly Sideshow Bob spotted the cat and he whistled to it.

"Come here little kitty come... AHH!" Sideshow Bob said as the cat jumped to his face and scratched him with her paws. "Not my face! The rope! The rope!"

The cat started attacking the rope instead of Sideshow's Bob's face as he ordered her too.

"Thank you kitty." Sideshow Bob said as he untied Bart. "Now Bart, let's go."

"Not so fast." Ugolin said as he held a gun toward them." Your new goth anywhere."

"What?"

"Your new goth anywhere. That's what I said."

"It's 'You're not going anywhere'. Man, your English is bad." Bart said.

"Whatever." Ugolin said. "Just die already."

"If you're going to shoot Bart. Than shoot me." Sideshow Bob said.

"Fine."

"Not so fast Italians!" Wiggum said as he and the police burst through the doors, ceilings, and windows.

"How come lots of people mistake French for Italian!" Cesar yelled in anger.

* * *

The Italian...

"FRENCH! YOU IDIOT!" Cesar yelled at the Narrator.

The French were in the police car as they were going to jail.

"That will teach them a lesson. I guess I'm free." Sideshow Bob said.

"Not so fast Bob. You're going to jail for breaking the rules of House Arrest." Wiggum said.

"But I just rescued Bart's life!" Sideshow Bob said.

"Nental said that anyone who breaks the law goes to jail!" Wiggum said.

"No I didn't." Nental said calmly.

"He did saved a boy's life, Chief." Lou said. "Plus, don't most people go to jail of house arrest, more than three or four times? Chief?"

Suddenly Chief Wiggum was in his police car as Sideshow Bob was handcuffed for no good reason.

"I hate my life." Sideshow Bob said.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Suddenly Ralph was on drugs as he was seeing Leprechauns, fairy's, and a Jackalope.

"Okay, Ralph. That's the 22nd house you burned this week." The Leprechaun said.

"Yeah. Right now, let's ruined the festival tonight." The Fairy said.

"And make all of those other religions become Christians in violent ways. Just like the Crusader's back then."

"Isn't that like Terrorism?" Ralph asked.

"No. It's not like Terrorism. It is Terrorism. Now go Ralph!" The Leprechaun said.

"Okay Rudolph!" Ralph said as he was smiling and holding an RPG in his hands. "I'm going to play with the other Religions."


	11. Bart Discovers a Missile

Couch Scene: The family rides motorcycles to the couch and stop. They then ran to the couch and notice that Bart's not here. Suddenly they all scream and jump out of the way as Bart crashes towards the couch.

Ralph's The Word Sequence: "My dad says that my pet frog hopped away to Disney Land." Ralph said as he was riding a bike with a frog stuck to the wheel.

* * *

Bart was bored today as he was playing video games with Milhouse. He was playing the PS3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo Wii all at once with Milhouse. He had to use his feet, head, and hands to do this along with Milhouse.

"TV... good..." Bart Simpson said as he acted like he was a zombie thinking only about TV.

"Yes... Lisa... good... too..." Milhouse said as he was also acting like a zombie but thinking about Lisa.

"Game... good... for... the... mind..." Bart and Milhouse said at the same time.

"What are you doing?" Lisa asked as she saw them.

"Go... away... err..." Bart said.

"Whatever." Lisa said as she began to read her book somewhere else.

As three hours passed, Marge entered the house and heard noises from the TV room. She entered the TV room and saw Bart and Milhouse having seizures and watching TV at the same time.

"What's going on here?" Marge said as she turned off the TV.

"Turn the TV back on!" Bart said as his and Milhouse's seizure suddenly turned off.

"Why don't you just go play outside with your little sister?" Marge said.

"Maggie is just a baby. How am I going to have fun with a baby?" Bart said.

"I meant Lisa."

"That's even worst."

"You used to have fun all the time when you were younger, smaller, more cuter and..."

"Are you saying you like the more younger and more smaller me than now?" Bart said.

"Well, you're still the same except more clever with your pranks. Like the time you egged Skinner's house with different kinds of eggs and put a bucket of paint on top of Skinner's door as he got angered by two pranks." Marge said.

"That was when I was ten."

"Wait if that was clever when you were ten, then... how clever are your pranks right now?"

"You might see. I might prank someone at the night, day, or maybe even in their own living room or just when I feel like it." Bart said as he walked out of the house with Milhouse.

"Don't forget about your sister!" Marge yelled.

"I won't!" Bart said as he left.

"Hello Marge." Homer said. "Anyway, I'm going to watch this new show I've heard of."

"What is it?"

"It's some animated adult show called Family Guy. I heard it's funny but everything else is just lame." Homer said as he switched the channels to FOX. "Here's an episode of Family Guy right now."

"Oh my god." Marge said after she saw the whole episode. "This show is bad for all women."

"So? Look at that fat guy who wears that white shirt and has brown hair and does crazy things which is somehow familiar." Homer said.

"Homer. Your fat, had a white shirt, and used to have brown hair. Plus, that guy who does all of the crazy things seems so familiar. Haven't you done all of those things, Homer?"

"Are you saying that whoever created this show is using comedy from my family? That's just crazy talk."

"Oh yeah. Than what's that." Marge said as he pointed to main character's friends who were similar to Homer's friends.

"That is familiar. They all remind me of my friends except for that policeman."

A bit later the show was over and said that Seth McFarlane created the show in the credits which somehow surprised Homer.

"That bastard!" Homer said.

"What do you mean Homer?"

"He's the guy who makes fun of me and my friends before I've met you. We used to be in the same school. Now he's copying my exact moods just to make some stupid cartoon." Homer said angrily.

"First of all. You loved that cartoon before realizing it was made by some guy you hate. Second, who's this Seth McFarlane and why would he know about your life right now. He doesn't know me or our kids." Marge said.

"Actually, sometimes he spies at me, for his research which turned out to be this cartoon! I try to bug him off but he won't listen!"

"How does he know he's spying at you?" Marge said.

"Sometimes he's disguised as a hobo. I first think he's actually a hobo, but then I get fooled when he reveals himself. He uses the same hobo costume and I still get fooled."

"Hobo? You mean the same hobo I sometimes bring lemonade to him?" Marge said.

"Yep."

"Anyway that's not the problem. We'll have a talk with him. Maybe he will say sorry or even give you some money."

"You think that guy who messed with me for years is just going to say sorry or hand me some cash. I'm going to smash his head next time I see him." Homer answered.

"Hey Homer." A hobo said as he saw him through a window.

"Why you little!" Homer said as he jumped through the window and strangled the hobo. "This is all for your stupid cartoons!"

"What's going on here?" Another hobo said as he was carrying a notebook that said "Ideas". "I guess you realize the hobo is Seth McFarlane."

"Wait a minute? If your Seth... than... Uh-oh." Homer said until the real hobo strangled him.

"Great ideas for comedy that can only be seen in reality, for now..." Seth said as he wrote an idea he just seen.

* * *

Bart was on his skateboard as Milhouse and Lisa watched him at the Springfield Gorge.

"Are sure you want to try this again?" Milhouse said as he saw how deep was the Springfield Gorge.

"He's stupid." Lisa said.

"Milhouse, I'm an year older now. I'm more clever in my pranks, still have my same face, and I'm a better skateboarder and because of these reasons, I'm going to skate all the way on the other side. That was the past and tomorrow is my future!" Bart yelled to the sky as he began to skateboard on Springfield Gorge. A minute later he was now skateboarding in air until suddenly Milhouse and Lisa saw him disappeared as him and his skateboard felled into the Springfield Gorge. Bart was screaming causing an echo to last for three minutes. Milhouse and Lisa looked beneath the Springfield Gorge and saw only pitch-black darkness.

"Bart!" Milhouse yelled. "... That's it! I can't live in a world without Bart!"

Suddenly Milhouse pushed Lisa into the Springfield Gorge and then he jumped off the cliff. Later Milhouse and Lisa were screaming for his life as he was falling in Springfield Gorge. An hour later, Bart, Lisa, and Milhouse woke up in some kind of underground building.

"Where are we?" Bart said as he saw a huge hole on top of the underground building.

"We must be at the bottom of Springfield Gorge!" Lisa said angrily as she punched Milhouse in the face.

"I'm sorry!" Milhouse cried.

"What's this?" Bart said as he walked up to an huge nuclear missile.

"What the heck is this doing in Springfield?" Lisa said as she saw something under the dust of the missile.

Lisa removed the dust and saw a familiar symbol.

"Oh my god. That's President's Truman's name on the missile. This must be one of the secret bases that hold's the President's control over the nuclear missile."

"One of? You mean there are more?" Bart said.

"Of course there are. They use a nuclear football to control the nuclear missiles. They may be huge but they are kept secret, but how come there's no guards, scientists, or anyone in this base."

"Must be abandoned. I'm guessing this missile doesn't even work." Milhouse said.

"Look at these classified files!" Bart said. "America was planning to nuke Russia if they don't deactivate their nuclear missiles on Cuba!"

"Bart, everyone knows about that. It's already been revealed to everyone. It's call the Cuban Missile Crisis." Lisa said. "Anyway, what should we do with this place? Should we tell everyone about it?"

"We could keep it a secret." Milhouse said.

"That's sound like a bad idea, Milhouse." Bart said.

"I have to agree on Bart with this one."

"Yep." Bart said. "This should be a kid's club instead."

"What?" Lisa said.

"Didn't you just agreed with Bart?" Milhouse said.

"I didn't meant it like that."

"Yeah. I have to agree with Lisa." Bart said. "What she is saying that we this should be a casino for kids. It's big and there'll be gambling!"

"That's a good idea Lisa!" Milhouse said.

"Yep. Your ideas are finally useful."

"I said no such thing!"

"Of course you did. Next thing you're telling me that destroying large parts of the Amazon is a bad thing."

"It is!"

"Whatever Lisa. Were using that your Kid Casino idea whether you like it or not!"

"ITS NOT MY IDEA!" Lisa said angrily.

"Where's the exit?"

"It's right there." Bart said as he pointed at an elevator that was on fire, filled with traps and then suddenly the elevator itself just fell down by itself.

* * *

"I got a letter from Seth McFarlane." Marge said as she entered the kitchen. "In the letter he said that he wants to have a talk with you over poker night. He said that you can invite some friends if you want."

"Really? Poker night with Seth McFarlane. Oh my god!" Homer said.

"I thought you hate Seth."

"Oh yeah. That man is going down!" Homer said as he pulled a metallic baseball bat from under the table. "Revenge!"

"By the way... Have you seen the kids?"

"Actually, not really..." Homer said.

"Hey diddly neighborino's." Ned said as he was talking to them through the window. "Have you seen my Rod and Todd? There were suppose to go to Bible Study today."

"Uh Ned. Today is the Female Bible study. Why are you bringing them?" Marge said as she was holding a bible.

"I'm one of the people who's in charge of that program."

Suddenly Marge threw the bible under the table.

"Anyway." Ned continued. "I have no babysitters I can find to babysit them. Later, on their missing."

"Hey! That happen to my children too!" A couple of parents said as they suddenly entered the kitchen.

Suddenly more and more parents were entering the kitchen and saying the same thing.

"Uh... how did they got in to my house?" Marge said.

"You know honey. We could just relax and have a romantic evening tonight..." Homer said.

Suddenly the fathers were starting to do the same thing.

"Are you men crazy." A mother said. "Why are all men like this?"

"Yep." Homer said. "You just got to face it ladies. We men are all perverts, except the men who lose their children all the time, and strangling them, and always replacing them with brownies?" Homer laughed.

Suddenly Marge looked at him angrily.

"Oh right..." Homer said as he remembered that he does all these things.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Legion of Doom, I mean the U.S. Government.

"Strange. Where's Bart Simpson. That smart kid who uses Al Gore's books." The Man in the suit said.

"Sir, the last time these cameras saw Bart Simpson was at Springfield Gorge. A bunch of children were also hiding in the bushes for a very long time." An employee said. "Look!"

Suddenly a bunch of kids holding cash stepped out of the bushes smiling as if they were at a casino. Later, they saw Bart stepping out of the bushes.

"Bart Simpson! First he knows our secret, now, he hides away from our cameras! What next! He'll find out that we were the one's behind the Bermuda Triangle? We need a good agent to spy on Bart Simpson! Get information on his mysterious disappearances."

"It's about time you said that. A bunch of guys are here now. They've waiting like thirteen hours for this." The employee said.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We did thirteen times but you just kept on blabbering about this kid who just reads this book. I mean think about it. What if he likes conspiracy, but doesn't actually believe in it. He might not even be smart."

"I am the one in charge of here and I'm saying that dumbass is a smartass! Now show me these agents!"

* * *

The employee and the man in the suit entered a room to see a bunch of people in front of them.

"Here are the people who wants to work for us." The Employee said. "They are James Bond, Black Widow, Inspector Gadget, Sherlock Holmes, MacGyver, Solid Snake, Sam Fisher, and that's about all. Oh, wait. There's all Homer's Simpson's drunken cousin, Bobby Simpson."

"I go for the drunken Simpson." The Man in the Suit said. "He looks smart."

"Okay, wait a minute! Why do you always think the dumb ones are smart and the smart ones are dumb! Seriously. Bobby Simpson is drunk right now. He's even bullying Inspector Gadget right now."

"You think your better than me Gadget? Just because you have all of your fancy... gadgets and guns?" Bobby Simpson said as he looked at the other agents. "What are you looking... at James... Bond?"

"Nothing... and will you get some deodorant? There not expensive you know." James Bond said.

"Look at me. I'm James Bond and I always need deodorant because I probably have a sweating problem."

"This guy is annoying..." Solid Snake said.

"I've seen worst." Sam Fisher said as James Bond and Bobby Simpson were fighting.

"All of you can leave now. Except for James Bond and Bobby Simpson. You have to continue fighting because I just made a bet with this guy."

* * *

Bart Simpson entered his Kid Casino or also known as a Nuclear Missile Base. He walked through each of the games to check if anyone was here.

"Looks like no one's here." Bart Simpson said.

"Who's not here?" An old man said.

"AHH!" Bart screamed as he felled to the floor. "Who are you? A hobo?"

"What? No! I'm the... hey? How did you found this place?"

"I fell from the Springfield Gorge."

"That's strange. You should've died from that fall, even if you did land here from that huge hole on the ceiling." The old man said.

"Yeah, anyway who are you?"

"My name is Ben Grey." Ben said. "I used to work here as a scientist and... wait a minute. This is secret."

"Just tell me already! I already know about the missile, the underground base, and the freaking Cuban Missile Crisis, but I don't know you!"

"Everyone knows the Cuban Missile Crisis. Anyway I'm a scientist that works here as America and Russia were competing in a race of nuclear weapons. Yep." Ben said. "Later, the missile here was malfunctioned and stopped working, but the old U.S. Government didn't cared because they had other working nuclear missiles. Then they started forgetting about this place. After that, my wife divorced me and I didn't get to see my children grow up or my grand children grow up. It's a sad story." Ben cried.

"Really?... You can stay with my family for a while until you get a job." Bart said as Ben stopped crying.

"Really? Thanks Bart." Ben said as Bart left. "This is the tenth time it worked with the fake story and fake tears."

* * *

"Hey Homer. Can Ben get a job?" Bart asked as Homer was playing poker with his friends and Seth McFarlane.

"Uh... Sure..."

"Oh yeah, he needs a place to stay too."

"Stay in the dog house."

"The dog house? Why not the guest room or the basement?" Bart asked.

"The dog took the basement and the cat took the guest room. There fighting over something I don't know."

"That's good comedy." Seth said as he was writing a joke based on Homer's dog and cat.

"Will you stop that!" Homer said.

"Yeah!" Moe, Lenny, Barney, and Carl agreed.

"This is good comedy. Where else am I going to find something like this."

"... He's right..." Lenny admitted it. "But why did you made me looked like a pervert!"

"Aren't we all perverts?" Seth said as he tried to convinced Lenny.

"That may be true, but that Quagmire guy has a huge chin, and is a bigger pervert than all of us combined."

"Plus, why did you made my character so soft." Carl asked. "He's also fat!"

"And how come the character based on me is not a friend of Peter Griffin. The Peter Griffin guy is based on my friend Homer Simpson." Moe argued.

"Well at least I get to be a strong policemen." Barney burped.

"He's actually based on a policemen back in Shelbyville."

Suddenly Barney broke his glass and used it as a weapon.

"Whoa guys! Can't we talk about this!" Seth said as the Homer and his friends were ganging up on him.

"Well... what are the differences of my family?" Homer said.

"Well the Lois character has a huge nose...

Suddenly Homer got angry.

"... but she's has red hair and the Meg character is a pitiful loser with no friends, very ugly, treated with no respect, and has a big nose..."

Suddenly Homer got angry again.

"...but she can be smart..."

"Go on..." Homer said.

"Stewie is a homosexual with a football head..."

Homer suddenly picked up a metallic baseball bat out of nowhere.

"... but he's smart, knows how to fire a gun, and a boy..."

"What about Bart?"

"He's polite, nice, and has a great connection to his father."

"That sounds good." Moe said.

"But he's stalked by a monkey and an gay old man, he's fat chubby and considered a sissy, and he's pretty much unpopular."

"Men. Get ready for your weapons." Homer said as he carried his baseball bat, Moe carried his shotgun, Barney carried the broken glass bottle, Carl carried chunk of wood with a nail stuck to it, and Lenny was carrying a flamethrower.

"Uh... Lenny... Where did you got that flamethrower?" Homer asked.

"Wall-Mart. Why?" Lenny answered

"Guys! How about we just walked together to the FOX studios and change the characters a bit." Seth said.

"No jokes?" Homer asked.

"Yes, no jokes!"

"I don't know. FOX can cheat people a lot."

"There's Duff Man with a batch of icy cold beer." Seth said.

"Where's the bus!" Homer said.

* * *

At the Nuclear Power Plant, Ben was working like a champ in his office at the Nuclear Power Plant as Bart watched. He turned around to Bart as he was wearing a suit and his hair was more neat.

"Thanks to you Bart, I have a job, some money, and I just bought a new house." Ben said.

"Well, thank you. Now you can leave my house when you're done moving." Bart said as he and Ben left.

Suddenly Bobby Simpson, the agent, entered the office.

"Where are they now?" Bobby Simpson thought.

"You there!" Mr. Burns said. "Get back to work. Homer Simpson."

"But I'm not..."

"I said get back to work right now!" Mr. Burns yelled.

Suddenly Bobby Simpson sat on the chair and began to press buttons randomly just like Homer Simpson. As Mr. Burns left, Bobby fell asleep on the chair.

* * *

Three Hours later, Bobby Simpson was following Bart and Ben as they walked towards a bush. Suddenly an elevator appeared out of nowhere from the bush which surprised Bobby Simpson. As the elevator stopped, Bart and Ben walked towards Ben's stuff which was in a bunch of boxes. He was going to bring the boxes to his house.

"You know Bart. For a devious evil prankster, you're not so bad. By the way, can you get that box of papers over there?" Ben said.

"Not so fast." Bobby Simpson said.

"Hello Bob!" Bart said.

"Call me Uncle." Bobby Simpson said.

"Bobby!"

"Uncle!"

"Un..."

"Yes?"

"Unobby Bobby." Bart said.

"Why you little!" Bobby Simpson said as he tried to strangle Bart, but nothing happen.

"Man, you are so weak. My neck is strong as steel from all the times that Homer strangled me." Bart said as he was able to talked more clearer than usual.

"Oh yeah!" Bobby Simpson said as he grabbed a chain and strangled Bart with it. Suddenly Bart was gasping for air this time.

"Does this run in the family?" Ben asked.

"Pre..tty much..." Bart said

As Ben moved a little, Bobby Simpson stopped strangling him and pulled out his gun at him.

"Stop right there, whoever you are." Bobby Simpson said until he suddenly pressed the trigger without thinking.

Ben managed dodge the bullet, but it shot a lever that caused alarms, speakers, and other huge noises to occur.

"What's happening?" Bart yelled as the ground was shaking.

"That lever activates the launch of the nuclear missile!" Ben yelled

"Nuclear missile?" Bobby Simpson yelled.

"I thought you said it was malfunctioned!

"It was at first, but we never checked it later! We just assumed it was broken!" Ben said as the missile was launched.

"Where's it heading!" Bart yelled

"The missile is gone Bart, you can stop yelling now. Anyway, this missile's target right now would be the worst place in America."

* * *

Later in Springfield.

"Oh, I feel like burping." Krusty said as he opened his mouth. Suddenly his burp sounded like the noise of a rocket.

Later at the parks of the Springfield.

"Oh my god, Bonny. Her first word!" A husband said.

The baby opened her mouth and suddenly sounded like the sound of a rocket.

"Isn't her voice beautiful?" The wife said.

Later at Al Gore's convention.

"Why won't a lot of people buy my book about the crimes and conspiracies of American life?" Al Gore said.

Suddenly a rocket appeared.

"Oh my god. It's a War of the World's. Get ready people!"

"Yeah right." Skinner said.

"But come on. Look! There's another one right now!" Al Gore said as a space ship appeared in the sky.

* * *

"Okay, Seth McFarlane!" Homer said as his friends were at FOX studios. "Were at your lair, so what are you going to do?"

"Don't worry, I'll ask some of the employees of Family Guy and FOX to see what suits best for you. Here's one right now. Hey Marty!"

"What are you doing here?" Marty said as he was holding papers. "Didn't you got the message on your phone?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your show just got cancelled. It seems some parent TV organization manage to kill your show. We're going to replace with some new shows later."

"What?" Seth said. "This can't be happening."

"Hey what's that?" Homer said as he pointed at the sky and saw a huge object coming right for them.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the underground base also known as the kid's casino.

"What are you doing? Ben knows what's he doing!" Bart said as Bob was still pointing his gun at Ben.

"I don't know what to do. I can't trust that guy, because... Kind of think of it... I don't think he has done anything bad." Bob said.

"I'll buy you a donut if you put down that gun."

"What gun?" Bobby said as he threw the gun somewhere else.

Suddenly a bunch of Squirrels took the gun.

"This machine here can control the Nuclear Missile. I just need to do this." Ben said as he pressed different buttons. He then pressed a red button and then suddenly the missile moved away from FOX studios and went somewhere else.

"Hey Ben? Where did that missile go at first anyway?" Bobby asked.

"Well, if I'm right, I would say about FOX studios. The TV shows and movies are good, but the rules suck, they can rip-off people easily, and there cancellation policies suck. The most worst thing about FOX is that when they cancel a really great show, they replace it with a show that people would not want to watch."

"Good point." Bart said. "Where did that missile go anyway?"

* * *

Meanwhile in space at the construction of the International Space Station.

"Were almost done with this project." An American Astronaut said.

"Yes my comrade." A Russian Astronaut said.

"You know, I just had an idea." A Japanese Astronaut said.

"What is it?" A Canadian Astronaut said.

"If all of the countries, poor, rich, Christian, Islam, Science-like, Religion-like, and all kinds of other countries work together we can create peace. We have the UN and all, but we need all of the countries to work together." The Japanese Astronaut said.

"You know. The Japanese is right. If we put some... what the heck is that?" The Russian said as he saw a flying object coming towards the International Space Station.

"No, no, no! Were almost done!" The Canadian Astronaut yelled as the missile destroyed the International Space Station.

"WAR!" All of the astronauts yelled.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"I wonder what's on TV, now?" Homer said as he turned on the TV. "What the, Family Guy!"

"What's so surprising. It got revived last week after strong DVD sales." Bart and Lisa explained.

"Oh yeah. I heard that some nuclear missile hit the International Space Station. That was billions of dollars. The countries are trying to blame this on the communist countries, but it's really hard for the other countries to get over something like this." Lisa said as Bart was shaking in guilt. "Bart? Why are you acting like that."

"Okay." Bart said. "You see..."

"Why you little!" Homer said as he immediately knew who destroyed the ISS.

"This is good quality comedy." Seth McFarlane said.

"Will you get out!"


	12. What if it Never Happened?

Couch Scene: The Simpson family come to the couch, but notices that Homer is not here. Suddenly a bunch of clones of Homer appear trying to all at once sit at one small spot of the couch.

Ralph's The Word: "A jackelope told me to assassinate everyone I love." Ralph said as he was holding a knife and a decapitated I-Love-You Teddy Bear

* * *

Bart was wearing a bag and Milhouse was wearing a cap as they were chilling at the carnival as they were sitting on the bench with a squishie drink in his hand. His family was also there, but separated too.

"I've been to all these rides and there all the same. I wonder if there's anything else to do? Bart said as he chatted to Milhouse.

"We could ride the same rides again." Milhouse suggested.

"I guess so." Bart said with a boring look.

As they got off the bench and on the ground Bart and Milhouse walked through a crowd of people. Suddenly he bumped into a man in a suit who was holding a squishie drink as well. He dropped it on his suit causing a mess, but wasn't that angry.

"Sorry, dude."

"No thanks. I have two-hundred of these. Hey? What do you have there?" The man in the suit said as he went through his backpack. He then found a comic made by Bart Simpson. "Bartman, eh?"

"You wouldn't be interested in that. It's just some comic I made." Bart said as the man read through the comic book.

"Actually, it's pretty good, though the art needs some work, but the storytelling is good."

"Really? I never had been good at other things that's considered as talent."

"Yeah. I'm a guy who works at DC comics. How about you make a small comic strip for us. If it's popular maybe we can make your little hero to the big guys." The man said as he showed his ID card.

Meanwhile, where Lisa sees Bart talking to a stranger. Suddenly Nelson came to her.

"Hey Lisa. I bet you can't throw this water balloon at your brother." Nelson said.

"Why would I do that?" Lisa said.

"Seriously, you have to have some fun. Even nerds need some hardcore action."

"How is throwing a water balloon hard core?" Lisa asked.

"How is being prank by your brother in public fun?" Nelson asked.

"That's a good point. I guess I should get some fun." Lisa said as she grabbed the water balloon.

Bart was standing in front of a small contract that anyone could read that the man was holding in his hand. Bart was about to sign it until suddenly a water balloon was thrown in the air and came toward both of them. Then, they became wet and soggy. Lisa was laughing at the man was angry.

"Who are you?" The angry man said.

"That would be my sister!" Bart said.

"Sister? Good bye!" The angry man said as he left.

Suddenly Bart got angry.

"Lisa! That was a guy who would've have made my comic to the big stars! Also, guess what!" Bart said angrily.

"What?" Lisa asked.

"I actually believed that I would have a hard time getting money and a job when I'm older! That would've changed if I signed that contract! Plus, your one of the reasons that my life can go wrong! I wish you never existed!" Bart said angrily.

"Bart. Please, don't say that!" Lisa said.

"I just did!" Bart said as Lisa did another bad thing to Bart's life. After that Bart left as he would've get a great deal, great life, and a great job.

* * *

Bart was still angry as he was sleeping in his bed thinking of ways to prank her back at nighttime. Suddenly a voice of a man was heard inside of his room.

"...Bart...Bart...Bart... Wake up you lazy prankster!" A man yelled at him.

"AHH!" Bart said as he saw a ghost in his room. "Who... are... you?"

"I am Former President Truman's ghost. I am here to help you." President Truman said as he was in a white colored suit.

"I thought ghost that were suppose to help others are floating in the air, surrounded by light, had wings, and a halo on top of their head."

"That's what everyone says when I'm in there room. Oh well." President Truman said. Suddenly he was floating, surrounded with light, a halo appeared on his head, and wings were spreading from his back. "There? Do you like it?"

"Nah. Just go back what you use to look like." Bart said.

Suddenly President Truman looked normal again.

"Anyway Bart. I heard your problem about your sister Lisa. You said that you wished she never existed. I'm here to show you what life would've look like if she was never around." President Truman said. "We will go back when you were only two years old!"

Suddenly his room was changing into an living room of an old apartment at nighttime.

"Where am I?" Bart said.

"This is where your parents originally lived when you were growing up as a baby." President Truman said. "Now as always, you were actually smart at that time, because of the Simpson Gene. In fact, here's you making a words out of those letter blocks."

Baby Bart was forming a sentence out of blocks that said, "Me want sibling"

"So what? I wanted a sibling at that time. What if I wanted a brother?" Bart said.

"Let's go to your father's and mother's bedroom of this old apartment." President Truman said as the living room switched to the master bedroom of the apartment.

"I don't get it." Bart said as he saw the master bedroom, Homer, and Marge in bed. "They're not doing anything."

"Yes, indeed. Originally, they were suppose to have intercourse which would be the result of Lisa. Instead they are just sleeping in bed, because they had a chat about using a condom next time. Plus, not only that, Maggie will not be born too because of that talk."

"Big deal. Who needs two sisters?" Bart said.

"Still haven't learned?" President Truman said. "Bart? Do you remember your first word?"

"Yes. It was Ay Carumba." Bart said as he saw baby Bart entering the room with a bottle in his mouth. Suddenly, baby Bart just walked towards the bed of their parents and slept between the two. "Hey? Why hasn't younger Bart said a word?"

"That's right Bart. Baby Bart hasn't said a word because he didn't saw his father or mother having intercourse and because of this, he hasn't learned his word until this."

Suddenly the master bedroom changed into a small playground filled with toddlers. The two guys suddenly saw a three year-old Bart being bullied by three year-old Nelson.

"That is three year old Bart being bullied by Nelson." President Truman said as Nelson tied Bart's arms and legs. Then Nelson got unto his tricycle and biked towards a tied Bart. The two then saw Bart being ran over by a tricycle.

"Ay Carumba!" Toddler Bart cried.

"So what? That happened to me when I was four." Bart said as he was still calmed.

"If I can't teach you anything then you will be meet by eight US presidents who will show you how horrible your life is without Lisa Simpson." President Truman said with a spooky voice as thunder clouds appeared out of nowhere.

"Cool!" Bart said.

"That shouldn't be cool!"

"I meant the thunder storm."

Suddenly President Truman disappeared and the playground changed back to Bart's room again.

* * *

(Memory of Bart gets an F)

"Hello Bart!" President George Washington said.

"George Washington! The first US president!" Bart smiled.

"Yes. It's me. A brave fighter I was in the American Revolution. At that time I..."

"Hey! I know you're a cool guy and all, but that hairstyle of yours is way old."

"That's what everyone says when I help them..." President George said. "But that's not the point. I will show you a bad point of life that happened in your memories."

Suddenly his room changed back to his room but with one difference.

"Wait a minute? This can't be right. This is your room." George Washington said as he looked around. "Oh yeah. This is when you were ten years old. Look outside Bart."

Bart ran to the window and saw a snow day.

"Wow! How is this a bad memory?" Bart said.

"Look again." George Washington said as he showed ten year-old Bart sleeping in his bed.

"How come I never noticed him in the bed?" Bart said.

"Never mind that. Let's go down stairs."

The two guys stepped out of ten year-old Bart's room and to the living room. They waited and saw the ten year-old Bart in a jacket, snow pants, wearing a snow cap, and holding a sled.

"Does this look familiar, Bart?" George Washington said as Bart left the house.

"It does, but when?"

"The day before this day, you prayed to god for school to be cancelled for one reason. So you can study for a test that way you won't fail 4th Grade." George Washington said. "You easily forgot about it and then Lisa was suppose to be here to remind you about your prayers. Since Lisa never existed in this life you just had a snow day with your friends and family which lead to bad consequences."

Bart and George Washington looked through the window that showed Bart and Nelson on a sled as Milhouse, Ralph, and Martin were the dogs of the sled. Nelson and Bart kept on whipping them as if they really were dogs.

Suddenly the living room changed into a 4th grade classroom.

"Failed!" Ms. Krabappel said to ten year-old Bart who was crying. "You had another day to study. School just cancelled and I saw you playing with your friends. Why didn't you studied Bart? I'm sorry, but you have to repeat 4th Grade."

"Please Ms. Krabappel. Give me another chance!" Bart cried.

"I just gave you one and you failed it." Ms. Krabappel said as she walked away and Bart was still crying at his desk.

"Man, did I looked like that?" Bart said as he saw ten year-old Bart crying continuously on his desk.

"Of course you did. Here are some pictures of you." George Washington said as he pulled out some pictures of him crying because of being bullied by Jimbo, lost his fifth girlfriend, and Krusty being sued. "Here's my favorite. You were crying when you thought your dog was dead when it was really kidnapped by a bunch of hobo's."

"What? My dad said that he was out making babies with another dog!" Bart argued.

"That sounds even worse than the hobo's." George Washington said as he disappeared and the classroom changed back into Bart's room.

* * *

(Memory of Homer vs. Lisa vs. The 8th Amendment)

"Hello Bart." Thomas Jefferson said as he appeared out of nowhere in front of Bart. "Now let's begin as Homer, Marge, and Bart watch TV with cable or should I say stolen cable."

Suddenly Bart's room changed to the TV room of the Simpson's house.

"Do you notice anything?" Thomas Jefferson said.

"There's men picking up my TV and the cables! Why are they doing this?" Bart asked.

"Before this day, Homer illegally bought cable for TV. Lisa was supposed to warn them multiple of times, but since she is not here a bunch of men who work at TV companies sued your father, took the TV and cables." Thomas Jefferson said as Homer from the past strangled ten year-old Bart and was crying.

"What's wrong with him?" Bart said.

"For him to function normal, he needs beer, food, football, and TV." Thomas Jefferson said.

"Whatever."

"Whatever?" Abraham Lincoln said as Thomas Jefferson disappeared. Suddenly the TV room changed to a hospital room.

* * *

(Memory of Homer's Triple Bypass)

"What day is this and hello Abe Lincoln!" Bart said.

"Hello to you, but this is one of the most darkest moments in this alternate life of yours." Abraham Lincoln said. "This is the day where Homer had heart surgery. Dr. Nick was the surgeon of this operation. He couldn't remembered what to do, but Lisa gave him some help and Homer's heart was working after that, but this is an alternate life where Lisa never existed."

"You don't mean?"

"Yes. Without Lisa, Homer is... Ow!" Abraham Lincoln said as he got shot in the head by John Wilkes Booth. "Booth! Were both dead you know! You can't kill me again!"

"I know! This is just for fun!" John Wilkes Booth said as he crazily ran away with his gun.

"Anyway, just look." Abraham Lincoln said as they saw Dr. Nick accidentally cutting Homer's stomach.

"Oh dang it." Dr. Nick said as food was coming out of the stomach. Dr. Nick quickly took out of the food and put on a table, but Homer reached for food with his hand and ate it. Dr. Nick took it out again, but Homer ate it again. It continuously happened until Homer's heart stopped beating.

Bart and Abraham Lincoln watched as Dr. Nick ran in circles trying to think what to do.

"Now do you see that this is not a joke... Ow!" Abraham Lincoln said as he got stabbed in the back by a knife. "BOOTH!"

"What are you going to do about it?" John Wilkes Booth said.

Abraham Lincoln pulled out a machine gun which surprised and scared John Wilkes Booth.

"I was just kidding! It's just a joke!" John Wilkes Booth.

"I don't consider shooting me in the head a joke." Abe smiled as he pressed the trigger of the machine gun. Suddenly they both disappeared.

"Hello Bart!" Theodore Roosevelt said.

"Hi Theodore Roosevelt." Bart said as he cried a little. "Can you get me some water from the kitchen."

"Sure, why not." Theodore Roosevelt said as he walked out of Bart's room.

Suddenly Bart stopped using fake tears and shut the door.

"Ha! I wasn't crying at all!" Bart laughed.

"Like no one hasn't done that before." Theodore Roosevelt said as he was behind him and Bart screamed. "I'm a ghost remember! I can just walk through walls. Now let's go to one of your memories."

* * *

(Memory of Sideshow Bob Roberts)

The two saw a bunch of construction workers destroying Bart's house as the room changed to the outside of the house.

"What the heck are they doing?" Bart yelled.

"This is the time when Sideshow Bob became mayor of Springfield. Because Lisa existed, Sideshow Bob would've never go to jail and been removed from office."Theodore Roosevelt said as he watched the house being torn down. "Since she's not, your house is destroyed by Sideshow Bob. Even worst. Since Homer is not here, your mother had a hard time at the Nuclear Power Plant. She gets paid a lot at the Nuclear Power Plant but she's also seen by a bunch of people who wants to be her husband... or just perverts I guess..."

Suddenly the outside of the house changed to the room of a motel. Bart and Theodore saw Marge in stress as she was laying down on a couch.

"Do you see how your mother is tired and what's she been through. Not only that... Hey, a moose!" Theodore Roosevelt said in excitement as he pulled out a shotgun and shot a moose through a window of the motel as it was walking on the sidewalk.

"My moose is dead!" Cletus cried. "Oh well. Dinner at my house!"

"Crazy Theodore chasing moose's!" John F. Kennedy said as Bart saw John appearing out of nowhere and Theodore disappearing. "Come on Bart. Let us show you how horrible your life has become without Lisa."

"You know, your voice sounds like Mayor Quimby." Bart said as the Motel room changed to the church.

* * *

(Memory of Bart's Girlfriend)

"This is the church after people blamed you for things that you didn't do." John F. Kennedy said. "This is the time when you dated Jessica Lovejoy. The girl that used you for her own pranks and mischief."

"Oh yeah. Good times." Bart said as he smiled.

"What are you talking about? In this church, Lisa would've told who was the real prankster. Jessica Lovejoy. Instead, you were blamed for over five years of what Jessica did!"

"Wow! Five years! That's a new record!" Bart said as the people in the church began to blame ten year-old Bart.

"Wait? You mean people have blamed you for other things?" John F. Kennedy said.

"Yeah, but you don't want to listen to it."

"Oh, okay. By the way, have you listened to my famous speech, 'Ich bin ein Berliner' speech?" John F. Kennedy asked until a bunch of U.S. ghost soldiers attacked him.

"Take this you Nazi Traitor!" A sergeant said.

"How come every time I mentioned that speech, people think I'm a Nazi!" John F. Kennedy argued as he disappeared along with the troops.

"Bart, come with me." Richard Nixon said as the room of the church changed to the room of a hospital again, but this time with Mr. Burns on the bed.

* * *

(Memory of Who Shot Mr. Burns Part 1 and 2)

"This is the hospital where Mr. Burns explained who shot him." Richard Nixon said as the two saw Mr. Burns began to announce who shot him.

"The one who shot me was... Bart Simpson!" Mr. Burns said as he pointed at ten year-old Bart in front of all the people in the room.

"Wait? I thought it was Maggie Simpson who shot him." Bart Simpson said.

"Yes it is, but in this alternate life Maggie never existed along with Lisa because of Homer and Marge having that talk about intercourse and children."

"What made the people come here then?"

"Marge. Why?" Richard Nixon said. "Anyway, because of this, you were sent to Juvenile Hall for six months."

Suddenly Richard Nixon disappeared and Ronald Reagan appeared on the ground with poker cards in his hand.

"What? Already I have to help this boy! I almost won a game of poker against Joseph Stalin, Albert Einstein, and Walt Disney." Ronald Reagan argued. "Oh well. Come on Bart Simpson. Let's get this over with."

* * *

(Memory of Bart sells his Soul)

"Look at this Bart." Ronald Reagan said as he showed Bart that a ten-year old of himself was praying in his room. "In this memory. You were praying for your soul back, but since Lisa didn't bought your soul from Comic Book Guy, a bigger nerd named John Frink bought it. This caused your life to have bad luck all over. Let's give you one example of bad luck."

Suddenly Bart's room changed to outside of Mr. Burns Mansion. The two guys saw ten year-old Bart as a paper boy delivering newspapers. He then walked to Mr. Burns house and knocked on the door. Suddenly Burns and Smither's opened the door as they were holding the leashes of angry hounds in their hands.

"Newspaper?" Bart asked.

"Why thank you."

"Go ahead and release the hounds. I don't care anymore. My life hasn't gone and better." Bart said.

"I see. So you won't be afraid of the angry hounds, eh." Mr. Burns said.

"Do your worst."

"Fine." Mr. Burns said as he pressed a button. Suddenly a dancing robot in gym clothes appeared from the door and sang the song, "Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake your booty." This song caused Bart to scream and runaway as fast as he can.

"Turn it off Smithers." Mr. Burns said.

"I can't! It's out of control!" Smithers said as he and Mr. Burns screamed.

"Quickly!" Mr. Burns said as he and Smither's runaway from the robot and into the mansion.

"That song is really annoying." Bart said as the robot was heading straight for him and Ronald Reagan. "Why is it going this way?"

"Only living things can't see us!" Ronald Reagan said as he pulled out a shotgun and shot the dancing robot's head. Suddenly the robot's metal regenerated, just like in Terminator 2.

"AHHHHHHH!" Bart and Ronald Reagan screamed.

"Bye!" Ronald Reagan said as he disappeared.

"Don't leave me here with that music!" Bart said.

"Hello." James Monroe said as he appeared out of nowhere. "Oh no! Not that music again!"

Suddenly James Monroe disappeared and Jimmy Carter appeared.

"What the hell!" Jimmy Carter said as he disappeared.

Suddenly as more US presidents appeared they disappeared because of the music. Later, Ronald Reagan appeared again.

"Not again!" Ronald Reagan said.

"Take me away from this place!" Bart yelled as he disappeared along with Ronald Reagan

Bart was now in the woods and saw a person wearing a black robe and holding a scythe.

"Are you... the Grim Reaper?..." Bart said.

"What? No. I'm Bill Clinton. I just use this to scare children every month." Bill Clinton said.

"Wait a minute. You're not dead. Truman lied to me!" Bart said.

"You idiot. He said eight presidents, not eight dead presidents" Bill Clinton said as he took off the black robe and put up his scythe revealing his blue suit. "Anyway come here."

* * *

(Memory of Future-Drama)

Bart and Bill Clinton were in the suburbs of Springfield. The two guys saw a teenage Bart with Jenda walking on the sidewalk.

"Since Lisa never existed, you didn't have any kind of choice to save Lisa from that dork, Milhouse." Bill Clinton said.

"You know Milhouse?" Bart asked.

"Everyone knows Milhouse and everyone knows he's a dork." Bill Clinton answered.

"Well I guess that's good luck there. I get to keep the girl!" Bart smiled.

"Keeping that girl is a bad thing." Bill Clinton said.

"What?"

"Yes and..."

"Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake your Booty." The dancing robot said.

"What the hell!" Bart yelled.

Suddenly Bill Clinton pulled out an RPG out of nowhere and destroyed the Dancing Robot into many parts. Bart and Bill walked to the destroyed robot.

"What is this thing?" Bart asked.

"How the heck did it follow us too?" Bill Clinton said. "Let's just go."

As Bart and Bill Clinton left the suburbs of Springfield and traveled to another place, the dancing robot's part's turned to liquid metal and began to reform.

* * *

"Look at this Bart." Bill Clinton said as the two entered an old dirty house.

Bart and Bill Clinton saw an adult Bart getting too much stress as his wife Jenda argued too much.

"Now do you think that dating this girl is bad?" Bill Clinton said.

"Yes I know..." Bart said.

"Hey? What are you doing here?" Adult Bart said as he saw younger Bart and Bill Clinton.

"What the? I thought living things couldn't see us."

"I'm just breaking the rules." Bill Clinton said. "Not only that I stopped time for a while."

"Is this younger me?" Adult Bart said.

"Yep. How's life?" Younger Bart said.

"It's horrible!" Adult Bart yelled. "I'm starting to lose my hair, I live in this dump, my wife argues too much, and my mother just died two weeks ago! Do you think that's good?"

"No." Bart said. "I guess life is horrible without Lisa. I think I should give her a present."

Suddenly Bart disappeared.

"Hey Bill Clinton." Adult Bart said. "Can you make my life a little better?"

"What do you think I'm doing right now." Bill Clinton said as he was kissing Jenda and proposing her.

"I'll get ready for the divorce papers." Adult Bart smiled as he left.

* * *

It was still nighttime and Bart was walking towards Lisa's door with a small present to apologize to Lisa about what he said. He knocked on the door, but didn't heard anything. He opened the door and saw that Lisa wasn't here. He saw the window opened which made him think for the first time.

"Did Lisa runaway?" Bart said as he saw footprints of Lisa's shoes.

Bart followed the footprints which was a long path but finally ended at a cliff. Bart was then thinking for the second time.

"Lisa would never do that? Would she?" Bart thought for a bit.

"What do you want Bart?" Lisa said as she played her saxophone.

"There you are Lisa!" Bart smiled as she ran to her.

"What are you so happy about? Want to blame me for other things?" Lisa said in a depressed manner.

"No. I'm just here to apologize what I said."

"What? You never apologize!" Lisa said surprised.

"Yeah, but Bill Clinton and some other US presidents told me how horrible life would've been without you. I think it's great having a sister!"

"Thanks Bart... Wait? Bill Clinton?" Lisa said.

"Yeah why?" Bart said.

"A bunch of US presidents told me how horrible my life would be if you weren't here." Lisa said as the ghost of Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt had a gun with a suppressor on it.

"There being too suspicious about our help. I think I should shoot them." Theodore Roosevelt said.

"Wait!" Abraham Lincoln said as Bart began to talk.

"Here you go Lisa." Bart said as he handed a gift to her.

Lisa unwrapped it and the gift was a picture of them as children taking over the school bus as Otto was on drugs and the police were chasing them.

"This is... nice..." Lisa said as he hugged his older brother.

"Dang it!" Theodore Roosevelt said as he accidentally touched the trigger. Suddenly the gun killed another moose.

"Were having moose for dinner again!" Cletus yelled.

* * *

A two year-old Lisa cries as she sees Snowball I grave. Four year-old Bart comes to her little sister with ice cream and makes silly faces to cheer her up.

"Kids! Your father is drunk again! Can you go get the ice-cream for your father?" Marge said.

"Uh-oh." Bart said as he looked at his ice cream. Suddenly they both just laughed again.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Bart was walking in the school hallway alone as no one was here. It was quiet. Too quiet. Suddenly he hears noises and then music.

"Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake your Booty." A dancing robot said as he returned.

"AHH!" Bart screamed as he listened to the music.

Suddenly Rainier Wolfcastle appears out of nowhere and shoots the dancing robot with a shotgun from a box of roses.

The dancing robots falls to the ground regenerating.

"Come with me if you want to live!" Rainier Wolfcastle said as he wore sunglasses.


	13. Marge Loves Five Men

Couch Scene: Homer enters the house and he notice that his family is not here. He then takes off his pants, gets a beer, and watches football and three hours later... His family comes and seems him around garbage. They step back from Homer's smell.

Ralph's The Word scene: "Big Bird wants to play with me!" Ralph said as a bunch of Hawks, Eagles, and even a chicken were attacking him.

* * *

Inside of a studio was a crowd of people watching a person stepping onto the stage as the cameras were aiming towards him. On the stage, it looked like a room with some chairs and a huge TV screen on the wall. The man smiled as the crowd of people were cheering for him.

"Hello people!" The man said. "My name is Tom Birt and this is my show, Solutions and Problems!" (This is not a real show or a spoof of a real show)

"Anyway, today we have a huge problem involving with five man around a lovely lady who's nice and gentle. Today's guest are Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Ned Flanders, Moe Syzlak, Fat Tony, and Krusty the Clown." Tom Birt said as seven people entered the stage and sat in their chairs. Tom Birt also sat in his chair and began to talk. "So Homer, what's the problem here?"

"My wife's been cheating on me with these five evil goons." Homer said angrily.

"Homer, you cheat Marge all the time." Moe yelled at him.

"You wanna fight!"

"No but..."

"Oh I see! You do want to fight!" Homer said as he punched Moe in the face.

Suddenly Moe punched him in the face and the fight got even worst as the other four men, including Ned Flanders, fought. Suddenly a bunch of guards stopped the fight causing the men to have bleeds, bruises, and black eyes.

"Now that's strange Ned." Tom Birt said. "In your profile, it says that you never got into a fight on purpose. I understand the rest of you men, but not you Flanders."

"Yeah I know. I guess I should tell you what happened." Ned Flanders said.

"Can I start the story?" Marge said.

* * *

(Ned Flanders Story)

Marge walked inside the house with her grocery and into the kitchen as she passed an empty but huge jar. Suddenly Marge realized that the huge jar was empty.

"Homer!" Marge yelled.

Suddenly Bart and Lisa entered the kitchen as well.

"Homer's not here."

"Where's our savings? There was a lot right here and... What do you mean that Homer is not here?" Marge asked.

"Homer bought the Enola Gay plane from the Smithsonian." Lisa said. "He's flying that plane right now and said that he'll come back after he sees you happy making pork chops at nine."

"Why does Homer does these things?" Marge sighed. "I wonder where he is now?"

* * *

Meanwhile at the airs of Japan. Homer was flying the Enola Gay across Japan and suddenly people saw the plane and screamed.

"THE AMERICANS ARE ATTACKING AGAIN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! RUN! SCREAM! AND DESTROY EVERYTHING!" A Japanese yelled as he continued to press the trigger of his machine gun in the air.

"You know Hiro. We never heard an announcement of war from the Americans and plus that plane looks really old." Another Japanese with glasses said.

"That's Capitalism talk!" A Japanese man said as he shot the Japanese man with glasses. "Anyway, DESTROY EVERYTHING AND RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"BANZAI!" A Japanese soldier said as he aimed a bazooka towards it.

As Homer was flying a way, he saw an flying object coming towards here.

"What's that small pen doing there in the air?" Homer said as the pen was slowly growing bigger. "Wait a minute. That's not a pen! That's a flying bomb thingy!"

Suddenly the missile touched the plane, but it was dud. Homer suddenly relaxed for a while at the dud was falling towards the ground of Japan.

"OH NO! A NUCLEAR MISSILE!" The Japanese said as he saw the dud.

"You know, I thought nuclear missiles were bigger than that." A Japanese Woman said.

"That's Democratic talk!" The Japanese Man said as he shot the Japanese Woman said.

As the missile hit Japanese grounds, it still did not explode. The people of Japan relaxed a little.

"Good. No one got hurt." The Japanese Man said.

"Ow!" Emperor Akihito said as he was his lower body and legs were under the missile. "Remember this fellow people of Japan. Imperialism rules! Capitalism drools! Oh, and don't tell the United Nations about what I just said."

* * *

Meanwhile at Evergreen Terrace. Homer was landing the Enola Gay on the road as the wheels were rolling. Suddenly it stopped by crashing into Ned Flanders house.

"Homer 1! Flanders 0!" Homer laughed as he stepped out of the plane.

Homer stepped out of the plane as Flanders saw the plane in his house. Homer just ignored him and walked to his house. He then entered it and saw an angry Marge staring at him.

"Hello Honey!" Homer responded.

"Honey! Homer! You just spend our savings on some stupid plane! That savings was supposed to be for the bills and a stronger roof!"

"Hey! That plane happen to ended World War III!"

"It's World War II you idiot and also that's not the point! Why can't you just ask me before doing things that involve us!"

"A Husband needs some time to himself!" Homer said.

"You do it all the time at that bar!" Marge yelled. "You know! Just forget it! Your always like this!"

Marge walked out of the house as Homer, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie watched her. Marge continued to walk on the sidewalk outside of her home until she saw the Enola Gay parked into Flanders home.

"Ned? Why is half of that plane in your house?" Marge asked as she still knew the answer. She didn't even knew why to ask if she did.

"Homer nicely parked it in. I don't... mine..." Flanders said.

"I don't get it Flanders. How are you able to take all of the stress from Homer's hobbies, drunkenness, and ideas?"

"That treatment that the doctor gave me, but hey Homer always does these kind of things. You know what, I think you should just have some time of your own too. I have two tickets to the fanciest restaurant of all. It's really hard to get reservations and I ordered it last year. Originally it was for my dead wife... but... do you want to come or not?"

"Well... sure. I guess I need some time of my own." Marge smiled a little.

* * *

"Where are you going Marge?" Homer said as he was playing poker with his friends in the kitchen.

"I'm just having dinner with Flanders. It's just a friend thing." Marge said. "Also, just in case you forgot about this small talk and later, you think it's a romantic thing, I had everyone in Springfield remind you it's not a romantic thing."

"Okay, but as long as Flanders eats a brick." Homer said as he hand her a brick. As Marge held the brick suddenly her arms fell down.

"Why is this brick more heavy than usual?" Marge said.

"I stuffed some iron, heavy cement, and the heaviest rocks I could find... oh and a bird for some reason." Homer said as he won another game.

* * *

Marge and Flanders were sitting at a table as the restaurant was more fancier than Luigi's restaurant.

"Flanders, this restaurant is so beautiful. How did you afford this kind of restaurant?" Marge asked.

"Hard work, credit card, and promises." Flanders said. "So when am I going to eat that brick?"

"Brick? I threw it away and how did you know that Homer wanted you to eat this brick?" Marge asked.

"Homer said that if Marge was ever going to have a friendly conversation, a chat, or have dinner, I have to eat this brick. In fact he plans anything that I do that involves with the family with some kind of harsh consequences." Flanders said as he drank his tea. Suddenly he smiled showing black ink all over his teeth.

"Uhh, Flanders?" Marge asked as he knew that this was Homer's fault of Flander's drinking tea with ink in it.

"What is it?" Flanders asked.

"Never mind..." Marge said with a fake smile.

Suddenly the waiter came and handed chicken with white gravy served with a corn cob to Flanders and Butter Noodles served with small carrots to Marge.

"Wow. Butter Noodles. Not many restaurants have my kind of favorite food." Marge said with a smile.

"Yep, I thought you would like this, since Homer keeps on forgetting about your favorite foods, your eye colors, and favorite hobbies." Flanders said.

"Wait a minute? You know what I like?"

"Sure I do!" Flanders smiled with his inked teeth which scared Marge a little. "Your eye color is hazel, your hobby is art, music, reading, trying out new things, and cooking. Your an anti-violent activist. Now the bad part of you is that you somehow randomly receive and forget your flight of fear all the time even after therapy, your an gambling addict, took and sell drugs, cheated in some competitions, and your an alcoholic.

"Almost everyone in Springfield is an alcoholic. In fact, I heard that when my husband and you were at Las Vegas you became an Alcoholic!"

"Did Homer told you that! I mean... I'm not an alcoholic!" Ned Flanders lied.

"I know that drinking alcohol is not a sin in the bible, unless you do it too much, but anyway Ned does not lie about drinking or any other things about your life!" Marge said.

"Okay, fine. I became an alcoholic there, but that was just once. I'm through with that now!" Ned said as he quickly drank a beer. "But anyway, we shouldn't be fighting Marge. We should be having fun!"

"Yes... I know. Let's chat about why teenagers treat violence as fun today." Marge said.

During the past two hours, Marge and Ned were laughing as they were chatting. After the two hours they stepped out of the restaurant as they smiled. Marge was still a little scared of Ned's smile because of his inked teeth.

"Anyway, I had a good time. Bye." Marge said as she gave Ned a kiss on the cheek and left.

Suddenly Ned fell to the ground unconscious as that kiss reminded him of Maude.

On the next day, Ned Flanders was crazy than ever as he ride the car outrageously. People were surprised at they saw Ned doing all the crazy crimes of car riding.

"Daddy? Where can I learn to drive like this?" Todd asked.

"Just play Grand Theft Auto!" Ned Flanders said as he stepped out of the car, stopped another car, took the driver out and stole the driver's car.

Later at the gym.

"Bombardment!" The gym teacher said as he threw a ball at him.

"Hey coach. I'll play your little game." A man said as he threw the ball at the gym teacher.

The gym teacher fell to the ground and saw who did it. It was Ned Flanders playing Bombardment.

"Ned Flanders? Even I am surprised." The gym teacher said.

"Yeah, well... Bombardment!" Ned Flanders said as he threw the ball at his face.

Later at an abandoned building that was surrounded by citizens of people.

Mr. Bin Laden was with his son Bashir Bin Laden (They are the two characters from Mypods and Boomsticks. Also, they might be seen again because I think there should be a Muslim Character in The Simpsons. We have Christian, Jewish, and Hindu, but no Muslim.)

"Okay son. Do you want to do the honors?" Mr. Bin Laden said.

"Sure!" Bashir said. "As he pressed it, the abandoned building did not get destroyed. Instead, an explosion appeared out of nowhere far away. People were surprised of this.

"What the heck happened?" Mr. Bin Laden said.

"It was me!" Flanders said.

"I'm surprised of this! I'm going to have to arrest you for destroying... what did you destroy?" Chief Wiggum said.

"Shelbyville Town Hall." Flanders answered.

"Oh. Never mind. Keep up the good work Flanders." Chief Wiggum said as he walked away and the other citizens of Springfield were suddenly were smiling and cheering as there was an rivalry between Springfield and Shelbyville...

* * *

"And that's what happened." Ned Flanders said to both Tom Birk, guests, and crowd who were both bored and sleeping.

"Uh... er... what again?... I mean that's great Flanders!" Tom Birk said as he, the guests, and the crowd woke up. "Anyway, let's talk about some else. What about you Fat Tony? Mob Bosses have interesting stories."

"Okay, but the story makes sense if the lovely Marge Simpson starts it." Fat Tony said.

"Are all of your stories are going to start by Marge Simpson telling it?" Tom Birk said.

"Pretty much." The guys said.

* * *

(Fat Tony's Story)

Marge was in the bedroom wearing waiting for Homer to come in so they can make some loving, but only one problem as Homer came. He actually was working at the Nuclear Power Plant eight hours straight. Marge could tell because of how exhausted he was and that he doesn't smell like beer.

"Homer... would you like to just sleep tonight... instead of you know..." Marge asked with an depressed voice.

"Yeah, I actually worked this time. They had to use vicious dogs in every office to make sure we were working and..." Homer said until he fell to the bed sleeping.

Later in the morning. Marge was in her exercise clothing for a morning walk in Springfield. It was a beautiful day but as Marge was walking on the streets of Springfield, she bumped into Fat Tony.

"Hey, watch what you're doing!" Fat Tony said as he was shot in the arm and running from the police.

"I think he went there!" Lou yelled.

"Simpson. I need a place to hide!" Fat Tony said.

"I don't know..."

"Come on, I maybe a mob boss, but I have a kid, my wife died, and my TV was repossessed."

"Fine." Marge said.

Suddenly the police came and Fat Tony suddenly just vanished.

"Hey Simpson? Do you know where Fat Tony went?" Wiggum said as Lou and Eddie came.

"Nope! Not at all!" Marge said as she was standing in front of a dumpster.

"What's in that dumpster?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, what's in that dumpster, Simpson?" Wiggum asked.

"Nothing!" Marge answered.

The three policemen checked what's in the dumpster and just found garbage.

"How the heck could he disappeared that fast?" Wiggum said as he and the other two policemen walked away.

"They didn't even looked in the second dumpster behind the first dumpster." Fat Tony said as he appeared. "Anyway, thank you Mrs. Simpson. For that, I will offer you a free walk at the park, but also a ride in my personal boat at the river."

"I don't know. You're a boss of a crime organization. Oh well, I need some of my own time." Marge said with a smile.

"Oh good. Though I must warn you, there might be some people who want to cause an accident to me. So I have to bring my other members with me. Plus, I have to deal with business to other people during the walk in the park." Fat Tony said. "You might want to also cover your ears if someone mysteriously dies of a bullet."

"Okay..." Marge said. "But everything else seems okay."

* * *

Fat Tony and Marge were walking in the park on a beautiful sunny day as they were holding milkshakes in their hands.

"I didn't know hanging out with a criminal would be okay." Marge smiled. "I thought you were going to shoot someone."

"Yes, anyway can you turn around and wear these ear muffs." Fat Tony said.

"Okay... but I really don't see why..." Marge said as she turned around and wore the ear muffs.

Suddenly Fat Tony pulled out a gun and shot Kirk Van Houten, Dr. Nick, and Apu for not paying the mafia.

"Okay, you can take them off now... oh wait..." Fat Tony said as he shot Frankie the Squealer. "That's for squealing about my deals for the Duff Corporation."

Marge suddenly turned around and put up the ear muffs and saw Fat Tony smiling.

"I had a good time Fat Tony." Marge said.

"Please, call me Anthony. Anyway, the boat ride." Fat Tony said as he passed everyone who got shot in the park, including Milhouse.

"Why did I ever made a deal with him for plastic surgery?" Milhouse said.

"Plastic surgery?" Nelson said as he was also shot. "You don't look any different."

"My nose is slightly smaller."

"Still looks the same. Anyway, Ha-ha!" Nelson said.

"What deal did you made?" Milhouse asked.

"Knowing that why girls do that time of the month."

* * *

Marge and Fat Tony entered the personal boat which Legs and Louie were driving as Fat Tony offered some wine. Marge said no thanks as the boat started.

"Why did you ever started the whole crime business. You could've been a business man, a police man, or an chef."

"That's a stereotype to us Italians!" Fat Tony argued. "Anyway, at first I never wanted to be a mob boss. I wanted to be an inventor, but since the whole mafia business works in a family way, I really had no choice. I thought it was boring at first but then it became fun as I made money with deals, own huge property, and shot traitors, cheaters, and clowns and..."

Suddenly Marge had a terrible look on her face after hearing about what he just said.

"Uhh, sorry. Anyway, what did you wanted to be before you married Homer. In fact, why did you married Homer?"

"When I was young, I wanted to be many things, but when I met Homer he was amazing. He was caring, had hair, thinner, funny, and even strong. Now he's lazy, bald, fat, changes emotion every day, and doesn't care about anyone."

"I see... I too had a bad time like that... My wife died last year and I..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Bring flowers every Sunday. You say that to a lot to woman who ask these kind of questions." Marge said. "Anyway, you're a man that can be trusted if people know who you really are..."

Suddenly Fat Tony imagined a dictionary and looked for the word trusted. He kept on looking, but it wasn't there. All he could find is deception, tyrant, demolish, and beer.

"Uhh... what does trust mean?" Fat Tony said.

"It means you're being truthful to people." Marge said as the boat stopped. "Anyway, I had a great time."

Suddenly Marge hugged him as Fat Tony freeze for a minute. Marge left and suddenly he fell down to the ground.

* * *

Louie, Johnny Tight Lips, and Legs were in Luigi's restaurants as another crime family were waiting for Fat Tony. They kept on waiting as the boss of the other crime family rose up from his chair.

"Boys, you're a bunch of great members for Fat Tony, but I'm not the guy who thinks that patient's is a virtue. So, bye." The boss of the other crime family said as they walked out of Luigi's restaurant.

"I wonder where's Fat Tony?" Louie asked.

"I ain't saying nothing." Johnny Tight Lips said as he and the other two guys stepped out of the restaurant.

"Fat Tony would probably be in a bar, Italian restaurant, or the streets of west Springfield." Legs said as he lighted a cigar and put the tip of it in his mouth.

"What about flying kites with his son as he holds ice-cream at that field of flowers?" Louie said.

"Why would he... Oh my god!" Legs said as they all saw Fat Tony flying kites and holding ice cream with his son in the field of flowers that is near Luigi's restaurant. Suddenly Fat Tony saw them.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Fat Tony screamed along with his members as he continued to fly the kite...

Suddenly police saw them.

"That's strange. Why would Fat Tony fly kites." Eddie said.

"Who knows. Let's find some crime right now." Chief Wiggum said.

"You mean like that?" Eddie pointed at Snake pointed a gun at a man, Dr. Colossus stealing money from a bank (Dr. Colossus is actually one of the villains in The Simpsons. He had cameo roles in the TV show, but had bigger roles in the comics. Also he's a scientist who has blue skin for some reason.), and finally a salesmen who has red horns and a red tail as he offered a deal to Mr. Burns.

"There just doing some kind of play in public." Wiggum said as they left.

* * *

"So that's what happened?" Tom Birt asked as Fat Tony finished his story.

"Yep. I just suddenly felt like having a good side under all my evil skin." Fat Tony said.

"I see." Tom Birt said.

"No really, evil skin." Fat Tony said as he scratched the skin of his arm.

"Ew... but anyway, what about you Moe? Your considered ugly yet can be nice, romantic, and even smell like flowers."

"Hey! Are you calling me a sissy!" Moe said angrily.

"No! I'm just saying what your good side is."

"Oh... Well anyway, as usual my story also starts with Marge." Moe said. "Marge, can you tell the beginning of the story."

* * *

(Moe's Story)

"Oh Homer. Don't you want to go to a fancy restaurant?" Marge asked to Homer as he was in the TV room.

"Sorry honey, but I'm going to Moe's. The only thing that beats food is beer. Plus, Moe has some food at his bar." Homer said as he took his jacket.

"You know what! I'm going to Moe's and you can stay here with the children!" Marge yelled at him as she took her coat.

"But beer!" Homer whined.

"You stay here or I'll trade the TV to the hobo's for just a sock!"

"Okay..." Homer said as he took the remote and wondered what's her problem.

* * *

Marge was at Moe's drinking some beer with a sad look on her face. Suddenly Moe notice something was going wrong in her life.

"Hey Marge. What's going on?" Moe asked as he cleaned a cup.

"Nothing. It's just that Homer has been more uncaring these days."

"I see. Marriage problem isn't it? There's always going to be problems in a marriage. You should know that." Moe said.

"Yes, I know..." Marge said.

"Marge, you're a beautiful lady and Homer has to treat you like a queen. I mean, what has Homer ever done for you? He can't even clean the house once and you have to do the work. If I was your husband, I would say, 'How was your day', 'Good luck', and see if anything is wrong and try to fix it." Moe said.

"Thanks Moe."

"Tell you what. You look like a lady who needs a break. Lenny invited me to his party. Originally Lenny thought about inviting Homer but he would just mess it up. Also, I'm allowed to invite some people to. You get invited to a party, no Homer getting all drunk, and it's fun. What do you say?" Moe asked.

"Sounds fun. I guess I'll go." Marge smiled.

* * *

Moe was wearing a suit as Marge was wearing a green dress as they entered Lenny's apartment. The apartment was big and filled with people who chatted, drink punch, and laughed.

"Man this is a big place for an apartment." Moe said.

"Hey guys." Lenny said. "You made it just in time for this movie I just bought. It's some video tape that causes people to fall to the ground as they watch it."

Suddenly the people were eager to watch it as Lenny inserted the tape. Suddenly the tape showed a scene from, "That So Raven".

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" Barney yelled.

The TV scene than changed to a scene of a documentary film of animals.

"I SAID TURN IT OFF!" Barney yelled again.

The TV scene than changed to a scene of King of The Hill.

"That's not so bad..." Barney calmed down.

The TV scene than changed to a scene of Barney the dinosaur.

"I love you, you love me, let's..."

Suddenly all the people were on the floor with their mouths opened.

"BURP!" Barney said as he was on the ground and freeze.

After the party, Lenny threw the videotape in the trash can and everyone left. Moe and Marge stepped out of Lenny's apartment as people had headaches from the videotape.

"Besides that awful videotape I had a good time to know you. You're a sweet man you know." Marge said as she left.

"Sweet?" Moe said as he fell to the ground.

* * *

"So you fell after you heard the word sweet?" Tom Birt asked.

"Yes. Not many people call me sweet, nice, or truthful. In fact, no one has ever commented about the positives of me." Moe said.

"I see. Anyway, what's your story Krusty? You know what. Just let Marge start it as usual." Tom Birt said as he knew that the stories were always going to be told by Marge.

* * *

(Krusty's Story)

Marge was in her coat and entered the TV room and saw Homer being lazy as usual as he took a huge bite out of his sandwich.

"Homer? Would you like to see a show?" Marge said.

"Nope. Already watching a show." Homer said as he watched the movie, "Airplane".

Suddenly Marge was getting angry a little and walked out of the house. Marge kept on walking until she was now from the suburbs to the town. As she kept walking alone on the streets a person in old clothes appeared out of nowhere with a gun.

"Give me some cash lady!" The man in the old clothes said.

"But.. but..."

"Hey!" Krusty said as he appeared out of nowhere. "Here's three hundred dollars to go away you trouble maker. Oh, and a sandwich too."

Suddenly man walked away as he took the money and the sandwich.

"Thanks Krusty. What are you doing here alone on the streets?" Marge said.

"Just taking a walk." Krusty said as booze, cigarettes, porno magazines, gun, knife, some bullets, and a list of stolen jokes that fell out of his shirt.

Marge just stared at the things as Krusty quickly put them back into his pockets, shirt, and even put the cigars in his private part. He was in pain as he actually did.

"Um... Krusty? Would you like to go to a show with me tonight?" Marge asked.

"...Sure..." Krusty said in pain as his pants were on fire. Suddenly he just ran away from Marge as he was trying to find water.

* * *

Marge and Krusty were at the tables of a show where comedians were making jokes on a stage. Each one were worst after the last.

"Up next, is Krusty the Clown." The manager of the show said.

"That's me."

"Your in this show? That's a coincidence."

"Yep. My jokes are all about mouse's and cats."

"I think I know why your considered unfunny, besides the whole stolen jokes thing." Marge said.

"What do you mean?" Krusty asked.

"Well, the only ones who laugh are children. These people are adults... oh wait... there mostly teenagers on dates." Marge said. "You should try to think what's funny for teenagers right now."

"Well what do teenagers like?" Krusty said.

"I've heard they have these jokes about making fun of their moms... I think there call 'Yo Mama' jokes." Marge said as she thought about it a minute because she's a mother also.

Krusty went to the stage and got the microphone.

"Hi guys! I'm Krusty the Clown!" Krusty smiled.

"Get off the stage fool!" A teenager yelled at him as he threw a tomato at him.

"Heh, heh... I here you teenagers like jokes about insulting mothers." Krusty said as he was already under stress.

"Yeah! What about it clown!" Another teenager yelled at him.

"I'm going give some jokes about insulting mothers too! I'm not just a clown for kids you know!" Krusty smiled. "Okay, Yo Mama is so ugly, that she had mash potatoes all over his face."

Suddenly crowd just became quiet as nothing he said was funny.

"Hey fool! Your Mama is so ugly that people had to suicide when they looked at her!"

"HEY! I'll kill you little jerk!" Krusty yelled until he saw Marge and then hesitated for a moment. "Okay, on second thought. I thought of a good joke for all of you. Your mama is so ugly that the Titanic just got destroyed along with the people in it!"

Suddenly crowd became quiet but instead of thinking it was funny, they thought it was really insulting.

"Not bad." A teenager said as he laughed.

"Really?" Krusty said as he saw the teenager laughing, but the rest were holding weapons after hearing that insulting joke. "Oh boy."

Krusty and Marge ran out of the building as the teenagers began throwing stuff at them. The two stopped and laughed.

"That wasn't so bad, but that was actually really insulting." Marge said.

"Yep, but at least someone laughed and is not a kid." Krusty said.

"You're a nice person." Marge said as she hugged him.

Krusty felt a little emotional as Marge stopped hugging him and left. Krusty walked away as Reverend Lovejoy saw everything, but wasn't really surprised as this kind of thing happens a lot in Springfield.

* * *

"That's what happened Tom." Krusty said.

"It's my turn!" Homer yelled.

"Wait Homer. There's another guest I want you to meet." Tom Birt said. "Everyone say hello to Trey Zone everybody!"

"Trey?" Marge said. "You mean Bart's computer teacher? What does he have to do with this?"

Trey Zone walked on the stage with a smile as he waved his hand to the crowd.

"What's up guys!" Trey Zone said to the guest and the host.

"Yes Mr. Zone. I believe that you helped Homer about his problem?" Tom Birt asked.

"Yep. I've been trying to get to know everyone in Springfield especially the children. I love children."

Suddenly everyone laughed of what he just said.

"Your joking right?" Homer laughed.

"No really! I think children are awesome!"

The people were even laughing harder than ever.

"Never mind. Just start the story already." Mr. Zone said.

* * *

(Homer's Story)

Reverend Lovejoy knocked on The Simpson's door and Homer opened it.

"Hi Lovejoy! Watcha doing?" Homer smiled.

"I'm sorry that you and Marge are being divorced." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"What do you mean?" Homer said as he was curious. "Were not divorced."

"So wait? Marge was cheating you?"

"Cheating? She would never do that."

Suddenly Reverend laughed as he heard Homer's word.

"What's so funny? Anyway, what did you meant by cheating?" Homer asked.

"Oh yeah, everywhere I go, I see Marge dating people. I think it was just four. The people I saw is Ned..."

"NED!" Homer yelled in anger.

"I'm not finished. Ned..."

"NED! I'LL DESTROY HIM!" Homer said in anger again.

"You know what. There's also Fat Tony, Krusty, and Moe."

"Oh... NED! THAT BRAT!" Homer said in anger still. "Anyway, I'm going to do something about this!"

"Wait Homer! Whatever you're going to do is probably going to lead to a worst result. In fact, you cheated Marge more than her."

"Your right... What should I do Reverend?" Homer asked.

"How would I know? Ask some romantic advice from somewhere else." Reverend said as he left.

"Romantic advice, eh." Homer said as he was thinking.

Later in the park.

"So buddy, do you got any advice to help my marriage?" Homer asked a person.

"Ha-Ha!" Nelson said as Homer stopped talking. "You're talking to a loser!... Wait a minute... that doesn't make sense?"

Suddenly Nelson just walked away.

* * *

Homer was in the Kwik-E-Mart depressed as he was picking up some snacks. Suddenly Trey saw him looking at the ground.

"Hey Homer! You look sad? Did anything happen to you?" Trey asked.

"Who are you?" Homer asked.

"I'm your son's computer teacher." Trey answered as Homer still did not know who he is. "I'm also a friend to your son."

Homer still did not know who he is.

"I'm an African American that..."

"African America? Oh yeah! Your Bart's Computer teacher! Mr. Zone!" Homer said as he remembered.

"What the... how can you just remember... you... never mind. Anyway, do you have a problem?" Trey asked.

"Yeah. Marge is cheating on me and I know I shouldn't yell at her because of that. I've been a bad husband before." Homer said.

"Then become a good husband! I know a lot about woman, well except the Asian kind. There a mystery. Anyway, you should lose some pounds, do Marge's work, and cook a romantic dinner. I'll help you if you want." Trey said.

"Lose pounds? Do work? Cooking?" Apu laughed. "Homer cannot do any of these! He's just a doofus."

"Laughing at me huh? I'll prove you wrong!" Homer said as he ran towards a small entrance.

"You fool! That's the janitor's closet. The exit is on the other side of the door." Apu said.

* * *

It was nighttime and Marge entered her house and notice that the rooms weren't messy anymore. She entered the dining room and saw candles, food, and Homer sleeping on the chair. Suddenly a rock flew from one of the plants and hit Homer's head.

"Wake up!" Trey whispered as he hid behind the plant. Suddenly Homer woke up.

"Uh...uh... Hello Marge!" Homer woke up.

"Hi Homer. What's all of this?" Marge smiled.

"This is a romantic dinner I made and a house that is clean. In fact, I just lost seven pounds in one day." Homer said.

"Really? Is this butter noodles!" Marge said.

"Yes. Your favorite." Homer said. "In fact, I even made desert. Blueberry pie."

"Hey Homer! Why didn't you cook German Chocolate Cake?" Trey whispered.

"I forgot, so I just made pie. Everyone loves pie..." Homer whispered.

"Homer? Why are you talking to that plant?"

"Um... the plant is giving advice?" Homer said.

"Oh, okay then. You know Homer... I have to tell you something. I've cheated on you. At first it felt like hanging out with friends but then it felt like..."

"You cheated on me... Oh wait, I already know that." Homer said.

"Wait a minute? What did you just say?" Marge said.

"Uh... I love you?"

Suddenly the doorbell ringed.

Marge and Homer went to the door and opened it. They saw Ned, Fat Tony, Moe, and Krusty holding flowers.

"Oh no..." Marge said.

"It's you people..." Homer said. "Leave right now."

Suddenly the men were arguing until they heard a boy's voice.

"People, people!" Bart said. "I know how to deal with this problem."

* * *

"And that's why all of you are here? Bart came up with the idea of all of you being on this show." Tom Birt said.

"Pretty much." Homer answered.

"I see. Anyway, all of you men love Marge for different reasons. Ned, you lost your wife. Fat Tony, you lost your wife. Moe, you haven't been loved. Krusty, you never found the right woman in your life, Homer, you're a man who can't live without her." Tom Birt said. "All of you men have to know that you can't have Marge. She's with Homer as long as they live."

"So what your saying is that, we have to kill Homer and then she's single?" Moe said as he had a shotgun in his hand.

"No. I'm saying that Marge loves Homer." Tom Birt said. "Anyway, how about all of you just become friends?"

"Yeah." Krusty said as the other men were agreeing.

"Come on people! Let's go to Moe's!" Moe suggested as everyone left the studio and ran to the bar.

"Mommy?" A child said as he was still on a chair.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Bart, Lisa, and Milhouse walked out of Moe's bar because they saw Homer getting drunk and being irritating.

"Homer can be a loud one." Bart said.

"I know. I wonder if he ever thinks before doing it." Lisa as she already knew the answer.

Suddenly Milhouse got hit by a drunken driver in a truck which surprised Bart.

"Oh my god! He killed Milhouse! You bastard!" Bart said.

"Bart. That's not your catchphrase." Lisa said.

"Is it 'Giggity Giggity Giggity'?" Bart asked.

"Nope." Lisa answered.

"Forget it. Bite my shiny metal ass." Bart said as he began to leave.

"Bart! That's not your catchphrase either and your butt is nothing but skin and fat!" Lisa said.

"I'm not fat! I'm just big bone!" Bart yelled as he mentioned another catchphrase that's not his.


	14. A Harsh Cold Winter

Couch Scene: The Simpsons arrive at a farm and play in the mud like pigs.

Ralph The Word Scene: "My name is Ralph. R, A, L, P, and... um... My name is Ralph." Ralph said.

* * *

Bart stepped out of Mr. Zone's class and head straight to Mr. Nental's class with his friends. They were all terrified of the ways that Nental teaches. As Bart entered the class room, he noticed Jessica sitting in one of the seats.  
"Jessica? I thought you were in the Christian schools?" Bart said as Nelson, Milhouse, and Martin saw her.

"I pulled a big prank there in the lunch room. Poor, poor Sam." Jessica smiled. "Anyway, they chose this school because apparently there are actually some smarter teachers."

"Yep. Nental is one of them." Bart said. "You should try not to prank this guy. He's crazy and adults think he's nice and his stories are just jokes."

"Whatever." Jessica said as she saw the old psychotic man entering the classroom.

As Nental went towards to his seat he took a whoopie cushion that was planted there.

"So Jessica? Why did you put a whoopie cushion that not only makes a fart sound but also has a bunch of tacks inside?" Mr. Nental said.

"What the? My name is not even there and you didn't even cut it opened?" Jessica said in surprised.

"Told you." Bart said.

"So Jessica, you like pranks do you?" Mr. Nental said. "What cute animals that just got killed off?"

"I'm not scared of that..." Jessica said a little worried.

"Tell me Jessica. Are you sure about that?" Mr. Nental said as he pulled out a lamb's head from his bag.

Suddenly Jessica was under pressured.

"What about your parents? Do they like it when they see you messing around in school or seeing you cause trouble in public. I wonder how could you like trouble? Perhaps it was the time when your parents bought a cute little sheep and then cooked it in fire and then..."

"JUST STOP IT ALREADY!" Jessica yelled. "You really are crazy!"

"I'm more than crazy. I'm a madman, but anyway I'm going to show you how puberty and sex works a little earlier." Mr. Nental said as he pulled out a videotape.

One hour later...

Suddenly the children were scared, frightened, and even became mentally challenged.

"One, two, six, one two, six." Martin said repeatedly as he sucked his thumb.

"Never say ha-ha, never say ha-ha." Nelson said repeatedly.

"I did not saw a TV, I did not saw a TV." Milhouse said as he was holding a Christian cross in his head.

Bart was on the ground as he was staring at the ceiling with a knife in his hand.

"So class? What did you learned today?" Mr. Nental said as everyone was acting like a baby including the bullies, popular kids, and smart kids. "Good. Anyway, your homework is to write a report about what you're thinking after you saw that video."

The children stepped out of the class as the bell ringed, forgot their backpacks, and were in a organized line.

"Hey Danny Nental!" Skinner said. "A mailman handed me a letter."

"Who is it?" Daniel Nental asked.

"I don't know. Doesn't say who is it from."

"Just give it to me." Daniel Nental said as he swiped the letter and opened.

The letter said, "I'm a fan of your work and I want to impress you..."

"Someone knows who I am... Who could it be... I wonder if I should have pasta with a human heart?... maybe a human liver?... why am I talking about food, this is serious... but food!... Man, I'm really am insane... but seriously heart or liver?... I really need to shut up..." Mr. Nental thought too many times as he left the school.

* * *

"Hey Marge!" Homer said as he entered the house.

"What is it Homie?" Marge asked.

"I have to go to Mr. Burns's birthday party. He's inviting everyone, but people who work for him have to go." Homer whined.

"It can be that bad." Marge said.

"But he keeps on forgetting my name?"

"So? That actually saved you from being fired a lot. That should be a good thing."

"That is a good point..."

"But we need to get a babysitter." Marge said.

"I got it!" Homer said.

Later at Flanders house.

"Hey Flanders." Homer said.

"What is it neighborino?" Ned said.

Suddenly Homer raised his fist and punched him in Ned's face.

"Ow, what's that for?" Ned said.

"That's for stealing my grill."

"Grill? You stole my grill. I didn't do anything."

"Oh. Anyway can you babysit the kids? Bye bye now." Homer said as Ned did not answered.

* * *

Later at night, Homer and Marge were at Mr. Burn's birthday party which is celebrated at his mansion. As they entered the mansion, a bunch of people said hello.

"Hello Everybody!" Dr. Nick said as he entered the mansion.

"Hello Dr. Nick." The guests said.

Suddenly people started to dance as music came on and then Homer and Marge started to do the same thing.

"Oh Homer isn't this romantic?" Marge said as he saw Homer's face.

"What did you say Marge?" Homer said as his mouth was stuffed with pork and gravy.

"Err... Hey it's snowing! Kind of snowing fast too."

Suddenly people stopped dancing as Mr. Burns came.

"Hello my Legion of Doom!" Mr. Burns said as Waylon Smither's whispered to his year. "What... uh huh... there dead... I've been working with terrorist... Russian ultranationalist... German Nazi's... a bunch of hobo's?... I see... Anyway, forget what I said about me working with the Legion of Doom, terrorist, ultranationalist, Nazi's, and a bunch of hobo's.

"What did you say?" Homer asked.

"Uh... nothing..." Mr. Burns said as he thought that everyone already forgot. "Anyway, enjoy the party and be careful of one of the cups of juice at the table of food. One of them is filled with poison and..."

Suddenly Mr. Burns saw an old man wearing a suit that looked familiar to him.

"Waylon Smither's. Who is that man? Did he have an invitation?"

"Everyone is invited sir. Anyway, I believe that's Danny Nental. He's a nice, crazy men who tells funny stories about criminals." Smither's said.

"Nental? Did you say Nental?" Mr. Burns said.

"Yes? Why?" Smither's said.

"Keep an eye on that man just in case. I have to be sure if he's that psychopath that attacked me a long time ago."

"A psychopath that attacked you a long time ago?" Smither's said.

"Yes... You see Smither's... I had many jobs before I became the big rich guy controlling a Nuclear Plant. One of them was being a detective..."

* * *

The setting was the past of Springfield. I was a detective who still had brown hair, less wrinkles, and could move faster. I think I was forty through sixty years old? I can't remember. Anyway I had hair and that's what's important... oh yeah and the criminal. One of my jobs was to solve the mystery of the murder house. The only survivor was Misses Astor or just Miss Astor after that murder. I began asking her questions of who committed the crime.

"So lady. What happened and who did it?" Detective Montgomery Burns asked.

"It was this psychotic criminal. He had black hair, cut opened my family and friend's body for their organs, and wore a white shirt and brown pants. What I saw was awful."

"I see. What organs did he cut out?" Detective Montgomery Burns asked.

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

"Do you want this man in prison or not!"

"Well he took out livers, hearts, stomachs, brains, and..."

"Stop right there. I think I know what this man is. Anyway, did the bodies still have any other organs. I need one for a transplant."

"You awful man!" Ms. Astor said as she slapped his face.

"Ow. Make it two. My jaw is moving a little weird from that slap."

After that little talk and getting a new jaw from one of the bodies, I headed to Daniel Nental's place for advice. He's a man who know how the psychological mind of a criminal works. He was no ordinary man.

"So what do you need Montgomery?" Daniel Nental asked as the Detective and himself were in Nental's home in Springfield.

"I need advice. I think I know why he's only pulling these list of organs I have here." Detective Montgomery Burns said. "He's eating them. He's cannibal! He shouldn't be using them as food! He should be using them for transplants."

"Have you told this to anyone?" Daniel Nental said.

"No, why?"

"Just asking. I'm going to get some banana bread I made from the fridge. Do you want some?" Daniel Nental said.

"Sure. I haven't ate for some time." The detective said as Daniel Nental headed towards the kitchen.

Montgomery Burns was bored a little and saw a library of books. He headed towards them and opened one. It showed animals being skinned in the book.

"Isn't this nice. This would make a great Christmas card." Montgomery Burns said as he turned around.

Suddenly Daniel Nental appeared in front of him with a knife. Nental was about to stab me in the knife and a bouncy noise was heard... wait a minute... a bouncy noise? It was a real knife not a toy knife."

"Woops." Daniel Nental said.

Woops? This is my memory were talking about! Now go get the real knife! Anyway, Daniel Nental headed towards the kitchen for a real knife and then came back towards Detective Montgomery Burns. Daniel than raised his knife and stabbed Montgomery Burns in the chest causing him to fall to the ground bleeding... That did happen right? I think it did.

"I'll think I will eat your liver." Daniel said as he looked at him.

"What? That's just gross and plus it just has three days of retirement than I get a new liver."

"Whatever." Daniel said as he was about to stab him.

Suddenly Mr. Burns pulled out a gun and then shot him in the chest seven times. Believe it or not, it took seven times to make this man fall to the ground. Did I just repeat myself? Also, I wonder why didn't I just shot the guy before. It would've been easier even with seven shots.

* * *

"And that's my story Smither's." Mr. Burns said.

"You said he stabbed him? How come I never saw a scar on your chest." Smither's asked.

"Oh, I got a transplant and... wait a minute. What did you mean never saw a scar on my chest? Kind of think of it, you've been acting strange a little every time your near me and talk about me to your muscular friends showing off their legs and chest all the time. That was even more scary than that psychopath."

"I'm not acting strange. How about you just get some lemonade?" Smither's asked.

Suddenly the lights of the mansion were turned off and a bunch of guests were screaming. The lights than turned on again and then suddenly more people were screaming as they saw a few dead bodies of guests on the floor.

"Oh my god! Call 911! Call 911!" Clancy Wiggum said.

"Uh Chief. Were the policemen here." Eddie said as Lou was right behind him.

"Duh. I didn't meant us policemen. I meant the other policemen in Shelbyville, Ogdenville, and Terror Lake."

"Oh, okay then. 911, where's the police!" Eddie said as he started doing the same thing.

Suddenly the guests were trying to get out but as they opened the door, there was heavy snow blocking the entrance.

"Oh my god! Now were trapped in with the murderer!" Comic Book Guy said

"Destroy everything!" Cletus screamed with a shotgun.

"Hey you hillbilly! That's my shotgun!" Moe said as he swiped it back. "Your okay Betty. I won't let anyone touch your bullets and trigger. What are you looking at!"

"What are we going to do Homer?" Marge said.

"I got it!" Homer said as he pulled out his cell phone and pressed 911. "We need help fast."

"I'm right over here." Clancy Wiggum said.

"Not you. I was calling Doctor Hibbert and the Fire Department." Homer said.

"Were all here too." Dr. Hibbert said as he was chatting with firemen.

"Oh okay then. I guess I have one option then. AHH!" Homer screamed.

"This must be my fan's work. Telling by the way he killed these people he's just a beginner. Ooh a dollar!" Mr. Nental thought as he picked up his dollar...

"Yes. Daniel Nental. Pick up the dollar. Good thing he doesn't know that it's a fake and that I just need it for fingerprints." Mr. Burns said.

"I got the fake dollar you needed sir." Smither's said.

"What? That dollar is real! Why do I even bother..." Mr. Burns said.

* * *

"Oh dang it. I forgot my bible. Must have left it at the church. Now what am I going to read?" Flanders said as he was taking care of Homer's and Marge's children.

"We have some books of our own." Lisa said

"Like what?" Ned Flanders asked.

"We have Harry Potter, A biography of Charles Darwin, and A Book about a huge massacre somewhere in Illinois."

"I'll just get my bible. Even if it's snowing a little fast." Ned said as he stepped out of the Simpson's house. \

After three hours, Bart and Lisa were sleeping as they were hugging each other. Suddenly Maggie came in with a camera and took a picture of them hugging. Suddenly she burst out in laughter causing Bart and Lisa to woke up.

"What happened?" Bart yawned.

"We were just sleeping and that... Oh my god. Look outside Bart!" Lisa said as she saw heavy snow that surrounded the house.

"So what? This happened at the school and Homer at Mr. Burns cabin. How can it get worst." Bart said.

Suddenly the electricity turned off.

"Is that all you can do?" Bart said. "See, Lisa. Usually the bad part would be that the food would gone spoiled or it's filled with rats. Were just stuck in this house surrounded by heavy snow and no electricity. Isn't that great?"

* * *

People were in Mr. Burns mansion as they were cold, hungry, and had the fear of death and that they would never see beer again.

"So hungry. I need food..." Wiggum said.

"I have an idea." Danny Nental said as Mr. Burns watched what he was doing. "If we are going to survive than we have no choice but to do cannibalism."

"Cannibalism?" Marge yelled. "It's only been an hour."

"I vote Marge to be lunch." Comic Book Guy said.

Other fat guys suddenly agree too.

"Hold on just a minute." Mr. Moleman said. "We still have some fruit, vegetables, and some peanuts on the table."

"On second thought. How about the old man?" Comic Book Guy said as he changed his mind.

"Wait I... AHH!" Mr. Moleman screamed as a bunch of people attacked him.

"That's pretty violent Homer... Homer?" Marge said.

"I'm busy." Homer said as he chewed on Mr. Moleman's leg. "Mmm... Mystery Meatloaf..."

Mr. Burns was watching Mr. Nental after he suggested cannibalism.

"He must be it! The criminal that attacked likes to eat human flesh." Mr. Burns said. "Still, I might be wrong. Maybe I should have solid proof. I believe it's call DNA checking, Smither's... Smither's?"

"I'm right here sir. Want a Moleman wing served with Moleman steak?" Smither's said.

"No thank you. I'll have some later..." Mr. Burns said.

* * *

"Okay people." Clancy Wiggum said. "We need all of you lined up and ask questions, and search for clues and..."

Suddenly Apu coughed and Clancy Wiggum tackled him.

"Arrest this man! We found our killer!"

"I just coughed! What's so wrong about that?" Apu said.

"Oh sure. You planned this all along all the way from India, didn't you?" Clancy Wiggum said.

"I am Hindu! Why would I do such a thing!"

"I don't what a Hindu is, but I bet it's some kind of evil organization, isn't it!"

"Uhh chief. Hindu is a Hinduism person. It's another religion where they believe in more than one god." Eddie said.

"I see. So he doesn't believe in one god or Jesus! Your definitely a criminal! Book him boys!" Clancy Wiggum said as he ordered Eddie and Lou to arrest Apu for a crime he did not commit.

Suddenly the lights turned off and more screaming was heard again. The lights turned on again and more dead bodies appeared.

"My god!" Clancy Wiggum said.

"See! I'm not the culprit!" Apu said.

"Yeah right. This must be the work of a fan of your work, Apu! Otherwise known as a copycat of your crimes."

"Seriously man..." Eddie sighed.

"Whatever Ed. We need to find this copycat killer right now! It's our duty as policemen to bring justice in Springfield and... Wow. This dead guy has a golden watch on his wrist." Clancy Wiggum said as he took the watch. "It's alright if it's finder's keeper. Plus the guy is dead, what would he need the watch now?"

Suddenly the electricity is out.

"Oh boy. Hey, it's eleven o'clock. My favorite show is on." Clancy Wiggum as he looked at the stolen watch.

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were sitting near candles as the electricity was out.

"You know Bart... I just thought of something. Why can't we use the fireplace instead of these small candles?" Lisa asked.

"Well it's because that..." Bart said until Maggie took off her pacifier and opened her mouth.

"Shut... up... BURP!" Maggie said as she burped.

"Isn't that cute Lisa. Maggie said another word." Bart said as Maggie suddenly pulled out a gun for calling her cute. "Where does this baby get all of these weapons?"

Suddenly a slithering sound was heard on the second floor. The slithering sound was small but the kids can still hear it.

"What was that?" Lisa asked in fear.

"It's probably just the dog and cat." Bart said.

"The dog and cat are at the vet." Lisa said.

"At the vet? What happened?" Bart asked.

* * *

"That is so nasty." A vet said as he saw an animal who had the genes of a dog and a cat.

"Another one of God's mistakes since the birth of Barbara Streisand and Michael Bay." Another vet said.

"Yep. There music and movies were horrible. Anyway, let's sell them as toys to the children. They won't know a thing."

* * *

"What do we do now?" Homer asked as he was starving.

"We need to eat! Will start with the fat guys! Comic Book Guy, Clancy Wiggum, and Homer Simpson." Sideshow Mel suggested.

"AHH!" Homer screamed as the people in the mansion were about to attack him. "Take my wife! She's more younger than me!"

"Stop! They could actually be useful." Dr. Hibbert suggested. "They could help us fix the electricity."

"Yes." Comic Book Guy said. "If you don't bite my Star Wars tattoo then we will try to help you."

"What are you going to do?" Agnes Skinner said.

"We will split in teams." Comic Book Guy said. "Me and Clancy Wiggum will be making food to stop the cannibalism as we listened to some music as we drink some ice cold beer. The other team or just Homer will figure out a way to fix generator."

"How can he fix the generator? The snow is really heavy."

"I will go!" Mr. Burns said. "I have this flamethrower with me that will melt the ice along with some coats for warmth and a lantern to see in the night sky."

"A flamethrower? Where did you got it? I got mines at Wall-Mart." Lenny said.

"I think the guy I shot was named Chimes." Mr. Burns answered.

* * *

McBain and Drederick Tatum opened the main frozen doors as hard as they could. They manage to do it and Burns pressed the trigger. Suddenly bullets came out.

"Woops. This is my machine gun I got from World War II. Yep, Joe was one dead fella. Anyway, here's the flamethrower." Mr. Burns said as he picked up the weapon.

He pressed the trigger which send out flames that melted the snow creating a path. Mr. Burns and Homer were walking inside the path as Mr. Burns kept on melting the snow.

"Hey Burns? Aren't flamethrowers illegal now?" Homer thought.

"Strange. Chimes told me he got it from Afghanistan from this guy selling guns. Why did I shot him again?" Mr. Burns said as he suddenly dropped a pistol from his jacket causing the trigger to be activated. Suddenly a bullet was released and shot through the snow.

The two guys kept on walking through the path of snow until they finally found the generator.

"Dang Burns. This is a big generator." Homer said as he saw the huge generator.

"Yep. Hmm... One of the cable have been detached. I'll call Smither's what to do." Mr. Burns said as he pulled out a cell phone and dialed in some numbers. "Smither's. There's a cable detached here. What do I do?"

"Sir. You could just attach it but it could electrocute you." Smither's said.

"Electrocute huh? Hey fatty. What's your name again?" Mr. Burns said.

"It's Simpson, Homer Simpson sir." Homer said.

"Can you connect the cable? That could electrocute me."

"Electrocute?" Homer said. "No way Burnsie!"

"Why not? You could save lives in that house. Don't you want to be a hero as I use your organs as a trap for that psychopath."

"I guess so. The doctor said that my brain is shrinking again." Homer said. "First, can you tell my wife that I love her."

"Sure. Hero's need last words." Burns said.

"Also can you tell that Lisa will always be my little girl, that Maggie will always be my cute little flower, and that Bart will always be a powerful enemy to me. Also can you tell Marge that I was the one who accidently destroyed Lisa's project and blamed it on Bart."

"Sure. Little girl, cute little flower, powerful enemy. Got that in my head."

Homer then thought about his family, TV, and beer. He then touches the cable causing his body to shake rapidly and then fall to the ground. He manage to pull the cable together even though he was on the ground not moving.

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie look on the second floor and saw nothing. They then looked in there room and still did not see anything. Suddenly they heard noises from there parent's room.

"Bart. I think the noise is coming from Dad's and Mom's room." Lisa answered.

All of them entered the room and saw a green tail under the bed.

"What do you think that is Bart?" Lisa asked.

"Maybe it's an baby dragon with a long tail." Bart suggested.

"Bart, you're in fifth grade now and you still think like a child?"

"Where's the tail?"

Suddenly the children felt something slimy on their feet. Lisa turned around and saw a large green snake.

"SNAKE!" Lisa screamed.

"Cool! Your back buddy!" Bart said.

"Buddy?" Lisa asked.

"You don't remember him. It's Strangles. My pet snake. He still came to me, even if I did left him with Willie." Bart said as the snake smiled at him.

"Oh yeah. Good luck with your snake. He's probably going to be a menace to this house and..." Lisa said as Strangles was choking her neck. "...Get... him... off... me!..."

Suddenly Maggie started choking Strangles despite how slimy he is. This caused the snake to stop strangling Lisa even though the snake was still being choked by a baby.

* * *

The harsh weather of snow stopped and it was morning. The people looked outside and saw the light.

"We survived! Isn't this great Moleman! We survived!" Clancy Wiggum said as he held Mr. Moleman's skull in his hand.

Mr. Burns walked to Marge and spoke.

"I'm sorry Marge, but Homer said that he loved you and that he was the one who blamed Bart for destroying Lisa's project. He also said that he would want beer in his coffin when he tried to talk as he was being electrocuted." Mr. Burns said. "He said it like this. "EH! AH! BZZ! DRR! GR! OH 'BEEP'! GAH!"

"Is that Homer's corpse?" Marge said as she ran to his husband who was on the ground.

"Need... beer..." Homer said.

"Homer!" Marge said in surprised.

"What happened?"

"Your alive!" Marge said as she hugged him.

"Isn't this a great ending." Clancy Wiggum said as he smiled. "Everyone is okay!"

"Oh.. Jesus!" A man said as he was feeling pain. "What the heck... was in that... cup of juice!"

"Oh, that would be the poison." Mr. Burns smiled. "Excellent..."

* * *

Daniel Nental entered his house and noticed an envelope on his desk. He opened it and saw the same handwriting before on the other envelope he received.

The envelope said, "Dead Daniel Nental. That was my work to you. Did you loved it? You're probably going to hear my voice soon. By the way, I need cash, I'm kind of broke... Plus, my mortgage is coming soon... and the food bills... and I just bought a new TV... can you hand me some cash?... Also have you seen 'Tron'? That was a good movie."

"No, No, and No to all of these questions. What kind of criminal begs for money?" Mr. Nental said as he went to bed.

* * *

An African American arrived at Mr. Burns house as he knocked on the door. Smither's opened the door and saw the man.

"What business do you have here?"

"I believe that Mr. Burns has an interest in a certain criminal." The African American said. "Oh yeah. Can I use your bathroom? I really need to go."

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"So I see you have your snake back, Bart..." Homer said.

"Yeah, isn't that nice..." Marge said.

"Yep and... where's Strangles?" Bart asked.

Later in Maggie's room.

Strangles the Snake was playing tea with Maggie, Snowball, Santa's Little Helper, and Spider Pig.

Maggie passed the tea to Strangles and suddenly he swallowed it along with the cup. Suddenly Spider Pig was missing. Maggie, Snowball, and Santa's Little Helper was then looking at Strangles thinking that he may have eaten him. They then later walked away as Spider Pig was crawling on the ceiling in a Spider Man costume.

"Oink!" Spider Pig said.


	15. VietKoreSimpson What The DOH!

"Hello my name is Comic Book Guy and I am going to explain some problems I have with The Simpsons Cartoon today. You do not have to hear about it and you can just skip this." Comic Book Guy said. "You see, I notice that The Simpsons TV show are still very funny but are missing some things. One thing is that it's missing the emotional moments. The Simpsons are suppose to be both funny but emotional. Some things that are keeping it emotional are the music. One emotional and touching music they haven't used for a long time was the at the ending of "Maggie makes three". Also, the only emotional episode today in the series was "The Squirt and the Whale". Another thing is that why do most of the children in season 20- 21 have voices that sound like adults! There suppose to sound like children. Also, if your going to add guest star than make then have a very good and long role in an episode just like back than. Kind of think of it, why not just at least add an episode with no guest stars! It's been driving me nuts. Plus, they should also make an episode that feels like it's back in the 1990s. I am done."

* * *

Couch Scene: The Simpsons family ran to the couch and suddenly the couch is burning on fire yet the Simpsons do not move and just stand still.

Ralph The Word: "I like girls now!" Ralph said as he was hugging a female rat.

* * *

"Everything is in order... Bart what are you doing... that's fine work Martin... Want a date Edna... Superintendent Chalmers... SKINNER!... Yes sir..." Skinner said as his dream went to a nightmare.

Principle Skinner was sleeping in his office as his hair was messy, his tie was loose, he was sweaty, tired, and had bad breath. As he was sleeping, suddenly a throwing knife breaks through the window and almost hits Skinners head. Instead it hits the wall and it is stuck to it and Skinner is still asleep and doesn't notice the knife. Suddenly a rock went through the window and hit Skinners face. He still didn't wake up. Another rock hit his face but he still did not wake up. Suddenly a boulder crash through the wall smacked Skinner's whole body and his desk causing him to not only wake up but injured also.

"Ow... BART!" Skinner yelled as he still manage to got out of the boulder without broken bones. "Wait a minute. What's this knife doing here?"

Skinner looked at the knife and saw a Vietnamese Flag and the words, "I'M HERE! Oh wait, I mean, I'M BACK!"

"My god! I thought he was dead!" Skinner said. "How could have this been possible? Hey twenty bucks!"

After Skinner got the twenty bucks he looked through the shattered wall and tried to see if anyone was there but he saw nothing.

"Tried to kill me huh! Nice try you Communist!" Skinner yelled at him.

"I was sending you a message you stereotype bastard!" An Asian-like voice that came out of nowhere.

"Why did you try to hit me with a boulder!"

"I tried using rocks! You wouldn't wake up!" The Asian-like voice said as it still did not came out of nowhere."

* * *

Homer was watching a TV show called the 70's show with Grandpa Abe Simpson and Grandpa Clancy Bouvier because of their weekly visits.

"Good times." Homer said as he watched the comedy show. "How you doing Grandpa Simpson and Grandpa Bouvier?"

"I hate you..." Clancy Bouvier said.

"I know..."

"I also hate you..." Abe Simpson said.

"Yes I know... wait? Why do you hate me?"

"Because you put me in a home after all the good things I did for you."

"You haven't done anything for me besides wearing that Santa Claus Costume on Christmas when I was young, gave me three-thousand dollars on my wedding day, and help me buy this house. That's all you done."

"What the... You should be thankful that I did that! Plus I should..." Grandpa Abe said.

Suddenly the doorbell ringed.

"Coming!" Homer said as he did not want to hear Abe Simpson's argument.

Homer opened the door revealing an Asian man in front of the door.

"Who the heck are you?"

"Why, I'm your South Korean Stepbrother." The South Korean said.

"Look buddy. You have no proof so..."

"Who is it? Is it... Oh boy..." Abe said as he was surprised.

Suddenly he tried to run to the window until Clancy Bouvier stopped him by grabbing his shirt.

"Help me! I'm being kidnapped by my son's wife grandfather! Help!" Grandpa Abe said.

"Abe? Do you know something about this South Korean stepbrother?" Homer said.

"I guess I should stop. I have to tell you the truth sooner or later." Grandpa Abe said. "Homer. Remember that I told my stories that I went to other wars besides World War I and II."

"Um... Yeah..." Homer lied.

"You don't remember anything do you? You never listen to my stories. Not even the World War stories." Abe Simpson said.

"You went to one of the World Wars!" Homer said as he just realized.

"Err... Anyway, one of the wars that I've been to is the Korean War. Also known as the war that never ended do to that stupid Armistice. Those stupid North Koreans. Why can't they just give up! They have very old weapons, they have no good agriculture, and they believe that Kim-Jong Il is a god. They are so stupid that they haven't even realized that a man went to the moon!"

"A man went to the moon?" Homer said.

"Of course they did! Haven't you learned anything from college?" Abe argued.

"Look old man. Are you going to tell the story or not?"

"Fine. You youngsters make me sick. Anyway in North Korea, the war was almost over and we just finished capturing a small town from the North Koreans. I befriended some South Koreans along the way there."

"Is war fun and exciting when you shoot down your enemies?" Homer said with a smile.

"What the hell are you talking about! War was a horrible things. There many orphans after that war. People lost homes. And families lost loved ones. You were still playing that stupid Call of Duty game, aren't you!"

"Um... No..." Homer said as his eyes moved back and forth.

* * *

A young Abe Simpson was walking through an South Korean town as he was chatting with his South Korean friend surrounded by American and South Korean soldiers.

"Isn't war fun!" Abe Simpson said.

"Not really. I mean look at this dead North Korean." The South Korean said as he looked at his wedding ring. "I think it's sad."

"I guess your right... War is a terrible thing..."

"Your already changing your beliefs about war?"

"Yeah..." Abe Simpson said.

"Shh! I hear something!" A South Korean said as heard a cry.

"It's coming from that house. It could be a trap..."

Abe and the South Korean soldier entered the house and heard the cry even closer. They did not lowered their guns until they found out what it was. A South Korean baby.

"I'm going to adopt that baby as my own." Abe said as he hold the baby in his own hands.

Suddenly they heard another noise beside them. It was a mother that was dying of blood loss as he was near his husband but had no weapons. The two aimed their guns at her.

"The husband is South Korean but she's North Korean. What do you think we should do?" The South Korean asked.

"Just leave her alone. I'll take of her child." Abe said as he and his friend walked away.

As the mother closed her eyes, her arm dropped to the ground as an uncooked grenade rolled away from her hand.

Abe Simpson was outside thinking about the child. The Korean child was smiling at him and then suddenly the soldier smiled at the baby.

"I'll name you Hiro because it sounds like Hero." Abe said.

"Isn't that Japanese?" Another soldier said.

"Shut up! I like the name, Hiro whether you like it or not!"

* * *

"That's what happened." Abe said.

"How come I never knew about this?" Abe said.

"Well your mother was also a part of this secret and because of bills going high and another child, which is you Homer, we had to had another family to take of the child."

"Okay..."

"Hey fellas! I'm still outside should I come in?" Hiro said. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." Homer said as Hiro entered the house. "I'll tell Marge when she comes in here that we have a guest."  
"Anyway, where was I." Abe said. "This is for stopping my escape Bouvier."

"Whatever Simpson!" Clancy Bouvier said as they begun to fight... or more like a slapping contest.

The two begun to slap each other for almost three hours...

* * *

The children were on the school bus and when they stepped out they saw one change to the school. One big change that is.

"What the heck is this?" Bart said in surprised as he saw the school looking like a fort made of metal with cannons, barbed wire and lookout towers controlled by teachers. "This is either that Skinner is trying to be very protective or he's just nuts."

As the children entered the school, Skinner was looking everywhere as he looked a little insane. He first looked through the gym and saw deodorant and towels and he did not care, than the lockers which he saw files about egging Skinner's house yet he did not care, the teacher's car and found drugs and he still did not care, and then searched through the ladies room and did not cared, and then Mr. Nentals cabinet and found organs and yet he simply did not cared. He was crazy as he looked everywhere.

"I'm starting to worry a little." Edna Krabappel said.

"Even I'm starting to worry about SKINNER! I'm wonder if SKINNER is not going to end up on the streets. Is SKINNER on drugs?" Superintendent Chalmers said as he said Skinner's name very loudly.

"Um... Skinner? Are you okay?" Martin asked as Lisa and her friends and some nerds came by.

"You're a traitor aren't you?" Skinner said.

"What? No way!" Martin said.

"What about you Lisa. You're a smart one! I guess you can even control missiles!"

"Eh, Skinner. She's just a little girl." Groundskeeper Willie said.

"You're on their side too! Aren't you! You've always been an communist!" Skinner said.

"I may have been a drunken fighter, an high-tempered man, and a republican, but I am not a communist after I went to America!" Groundskeeper Willie yelled at him.

* * *

Ralph was walking by the hallway until he heard a voice from the boy's bathroom. The voice sounded evil and suspicious as he heard it and...

"I hear voices in my head." Ralph said as he entered the bathroom. "Hello talking... AHH!"

Suddenly Ralph came out of the bathroom but looked normal as usual.

* * *

Skinner was walking in his office as the wall was finally rebuilt.

"Maybe I am going a little crazy. I should just take some rest and..." Skinner said until suddenly a monkey with a knife crashed through the window. "Seriously a monkey with a knife! That window cost a lot of money!"

The monkey attacked Skinner as he fell to the ground. Now they were rolling out of the office and towards the hallway as children saw it. Skinner stopped the monkey from stabbing him in the eye by using his arm to grab the monkey's wrist. Skinner than saw a broom. Principle Skinner grabbed the broom and stopped the monkey's knife attack even stronger than he kicked the monkey's whole body causing him to fly towards the ground.

"Take that you dumbass ape!" Skinner yelled at him.

The monkey than screamed wildly as he grabbed his knife until he stopped for a minute. He suddenly smelled banana bread and then followed the scent. The children and the principle followed him which lead them to the kitchen.

"Banana bread?" Bart said. "When do we serve banana bread?"

"Ever since that Lisa changed the menu. Everything is now vegetarian causing us to get more money for the school. That's how we could afford that computer class."

"At least that Mr. Zone is a cool teacher..." Bart said.

"That monkey is crazy and funny at the same time." Ralph said.

"Whatever Ralph. You're the usual dumb nut of the school." Nelson said.

"SHUTUP FOOL OR I'LL STAB YOU WITH A KNIFE!" Ralph said to Nelson but with a different and more death threatening voice. "What are you looking at? You want me to stab you with a sharp stick made of bamboo from China during the Qing dynasty? I feel like having some chicken served with fried rice and German Chocolate Cake."

"Is it just me, or did Ralph actually said something smart and something rude at the same time?" Lisa said.

"My nose is filled with jellybeans." Ralph said in his normal voice as he ate an booger.

* * *

Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney had a bag filled with spoiled eggs as they were hiding in the bushes of Skinner's house.

"One, two, three!" Nelson yelled out loud as they began to throw eggs at Skinner's house. They finally stopped as they ran out of eggs.

"What are you going do now Skinner?" Jimbo laughed until a cannon ball almost hit him. Instead it got his hat. "I think Skinner really is nuts."

Suddenly Skinner threw a throwing knife at them even though the bullies manage to dodged it.

"Let's get out of here."

"Yeah run! Run you jungle living freedom haters!" Skinner yelled as he pulled out a grenade and threw it them.

"Ow!" Krusty said as he lost his arm from the grenade explosion. "Oh well. I can just get a new one from the hospital."

* * *

Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, Martin, Lisa, Janey, and Ralph stepped into Bart's room as they tried to figure out what is wrong with Ralph.

"I don't get it. Everything seems normal. Ralph hasn't said anything mean." Lisa said.

"Yep. I guess all of you can leave. Especially the biggest F student in school." Bart said.

"You Fool! I will rip out your guts from your body and then put the guts back in your body and then rip your guts out again!" Ralph said with his unusual evil voice.

"Ah ha! So that's how it works!" Bart said. "All I have to do is say something mean and..." Bart said as he was being interrupted as Ralph choked him.

"Ha! Who's the F student now!" Ralph said with his unusual voice.

"Stop it!" Lisa said as she stopped Ralph.

"These jellybeans taste great!" Ralph said in his normal voice. "Shut up you small minded child!"

"It's like that Ralph has two minds, but how?" Lisa said.

"Maybe he's just crazy. Anyway, I'm going to Skinner's house to see what's wrong. He's been acting strangely yesterday." Bart said.

"I'm... driving this... time..." The South Korean said as the children heard his voice through the window.

Hiro Simpson and Homer Simpson were drunk after an traditional Korean Barbeque.

The two stepped into the car and started driving. As the South Korean began drive recklessly to Springfield, everyone thought that the stereotype of Asians being bad drivers are true.

"Everyone hates... Ned Flanders... everyone hates... Stupid Flanders..." Homer sang the song, "Everyone hates Ned Flanders" as he was drunk.

* * *

Bart was at Skinner's door until he heard a voice.

"Help! Help!" Agnes Skinner said as she was in a booby trap.

"What are you doing there?" Bart asked.

"My stupid son placed an booby trap. He thinks that I maybe an imposter." Agnes Skinner said angrily. "When I get out, he's going to sit in the corner!"

As the door opened Skinner was holding a shotgun towards Bart's face.

"Whoa man! Put the gun down!" Bart yelled.

"Oh, it's just you Bart." Skinner said.

"So you recognize that boy, but you can't recognize me!" Agnes Skinner yelled at him.

"Be quiet you imposter! Anyway Bart come in."

Bart entered Skinner's house and everything looked normal. Only difference was the booby traps outside of the house.

"So Bart? What brings you here?" Skinner asked.

"I'm here to ask you why are you acting strangely?" Bart asked.

"I knew this time would come sooner or later... You see Bart, I used to raise an Vietnamese boy and..."

"Let me guess, it was in war, saw a baby, and raised it, than it was gone later. I heard that from Grandpa Simpson's story about the Korean War." Bart said as he was already bored.

"This one is a little different." Skinner said. "It all takes place back in the Vietnam War."

"It was a day in the jungle during the war and we've just finished fighting a battle. Then I saw a man trying to attack me with a knife. I raised my gun and shot him with one bullet as he fell to the ground with no breath until I notice a small book that fell out of his jacket. There were baby pictures in that small book." Skinner said.

"What happen next?"

"I send a letter which that letter caught a disease killing that... family... It was... sad... and was couldn't been forgotten... I tried to forget it and tried and tried... but that memory can't get out of my had! Later, a Vietnamese baby was sent to me before I became Principle Skinner. I raised him as an father and called him Chris until he was only eight..."

"Eight? What did that guy do?"

"He founded out how his real parents died through that note I sent him. He then ran away from me and declared revenge against me. After that, I never heard of him again until now. Those were sad days at that time. I wish I could just forget all of that nonsense and just have a normal life."

"Yeah, I can help you track that guy down." Bart answered.

"Really? But that means you will be a part of his plan of revenge."

"Hey! I've been to worst stuff than you. There's Sideshow Bob, Ugolin and Cesar, President's George Bush speech about The Walton's."

"I see... Fine. You can help me but be careful. Vietnamese people know how to use the surrounding around them better than anyone else." Skinner said.

Suddenly an arrow broke through Skinner's window with a note.

"I know your helping him Bart!" The note said.

"That was fast." Bart said.

The note also said, "This arrow will self-destruct in ten seconds, but first how about some music?"

Suddenly Irish Music came from the arrow which annoyed Bart and Skinner.

"Just explode already!" Bart said.

Suddenly the arrow became a dud and the music became louder.

"Stop the torture! Please!" Skinner yelled.

* * *

Skinner and Bart entered the school hallway. As they continued to walk, they started hearing beeping noises.

"Where's that coming from?" Skinner said.

"I think it's from my locker." Bart said he opened his locker and saw a bomb in there.

"Oh no! We got to get rid of the bomb!" Skinner said as he picked up the bomb.

He went outside of the front of the school area and saw an orphanage. He then ran to the top of the school building and a bunch of children surrounded with cute puppies. He then ran to the Kindergarten class and saw small children in a small play.

"I got an idea!" Skinner said as he was in the hallway.

He then threw the bomb into Milhouse's locker and then suddenly the locker blew up.

"That was a close one!" Bart said.

"What happened to my locker!" Milhouse said.

"Hey, it's better than Irish music." Bart said.

"Got a good point there." Milhouse said.

"Yep. Somehow normal Irish music is more worst than drunken Irish music." Skinner said.

* * *

"I just don't get it. He's been trying to kill me but he hasn't appeared. All he did was argue with me faraway." Skinner said as he and Bart were near the bus when school is over.

"What does this Chris guy look like anyway?" Bart asked as he and Skinner entered the bus.

"He looks like the any other Vietnamese except that he had a leaf-like birth mark on his arm. Say, where's the children?" Skinner said as he notice that the children weren't on the bus."

Suddenly the bus driver started to move the bus away from the school.

"Otto? What are you doing? You're supposed to wait for the rest of the children." Skinner said.

"I believe that Otto is a little sick today!" A Vietnamese person said as he driving the bus.

"Who are you?" Skinner asked.

"I'm the Vietnamese guy who threw a monkey at your window."

"Oh yeah. What did you do to Otto, Chris!" Skinner yelled.

"He went to a vacation, forever!" Chris laughed.

"You monster!"

* * *

"That Vietnamese guy was right! Hawaii really is cool!" Otto said as he was on the Hawaiian beaches surrounded by drugs, booze, and girls.

"Oh Otto. Don't you want to go to the restroom for a while." A girl said smoothly.

"Sorry babe, but I choose drugs over both booze and girls." Otto said as he picked up heroine.

* * *

"What are you going to do now?" Skinner said.

"I'm going to avenge my father's death!" Chris said.

"No, I meant that why aren't you driving the bus!"

"Uh-oh." Chris said as the bus was shaking crazily as it was driving.

Suddenly Chris and Skinner crashed through the windows of the bus, but were sitting on top of the front of the school bus. Chris took out a knife and almost stabbed Skinner with it, but instead Skinner dodged it and jumped to the top of the bus.

"Bart! You know how to drive!" Skinner yelled at Bart.

"Whatever man!" Bart said as he began to drive the bus through both yellow and red lights.

Suddenly, police cars were chasing Bart, Skinner, and Chris for passing through the yellow and red lights.

"Why did you do this Chris? I actually felt like I was a father. We had good times too. You said your first word which was Bo. I think that was Vietnamese for dad. Anyway, you also went to your first day of school and played on that swing I made at that tree in my mother's backyard." Skinner said.

"It's too late! You kill my family!" Chris yelled.

"Fine! I wish this wouldn't happen but I have no choice." Skinner said as he tackled Chris.

The two began fighting, but Skinner had a hard time do to Chris's way of fighting with a knife.

Bart continued to drive the bus which went through a costume store, causing Skinner to look like a clown and Chris to look like a dinosaur, then the bus went through Herman's military shop, causing Skinner to look like a Marine and Chris to look like a Vietnamese soldier and saying, "BANZAI!" all the time, then finally the bus ran through a dancing school, which caused Skinner and Chris to dance together on top of the bus.

"Wait a minute... I should be fighting!" Chris said as he stopped dancing.

Suddenly the bus crashed towards to a Comic Book store. The bus managed to stop and all three of them were unconscious.

Five minutes later...

"Bart! Bart! Are you alive!" Skinner said as Bart opened his eyes..

"I think so. What happened?" Bart asked.

"Chris is arrested. I told the police that he did attempted murder and they didn't cared. Then I told him that he was the one who passed through those yellow and red lights as Chris was still unconscious. Suddenly the police arrested Chris as he woke up." Skinner said.

"I'll have my revenge Skinner! You can't stop me!" Chris yelled.

"Whatever." Comic Book Guy said. "You owe me three thousand dollars for my Comic Book store."

Suddenly the bus exploded with in the damaged Comic Book store.

"Make that five thousand."

* * *

Marge saw Homer and Hiro being lazy on the couch as they were sleeping from all the partying.

"Homer, Hiro wake up!" Marge yelled.

"Let me do it, Marge." Clancy Bouvier said. "WAKE UP YOU DUMBASSES!"

Homer and Hiro suddenly woke up as he heard his loud angry voice.

"Sorry. I better pick up my suitcase." Hiro said as he got his suitcase from the couch.

"I had a nice time Homer. Anyway, bye!" Hiro said until there was another ring at the door.

Homer and Marge opened the door and suddenly they saw another South Korean.

"Who are you?" Marge asked.

"My name is Hiro Simpson. I'm here to see my stepbrother Homer?" The real Hiro Simpson said.

"Wait a minute. If your Hiro than who was that guy..." Homer said as the imposter disappeared and the window was opened. "Well at least he didn't stole my... Where's my money!"

Homer went to the fridge and saw no beer. He then went to the TV and saw his TV cables stolen.

"Why you little!" Homer said as he ran to the door and choked the real Hiro.

"Homer. That's not the imposter." Marge said.

* * *

Skinner was at his mother's backyard and saw so many memories of a younger Chris. He then saw the broken swing built on the tree and then remembered a memory back then.

"Push me higher! Push me higher!" An seven year-old Chris said as an younger Skinner pushed him on the swing.

"Good times..." Skinner said as he left the backyard with an tear in his eye.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Homer was hanging out with his real stepbrother Hiro Simpson.

"Man, you're really boring! All you talk about is business! Are you really my real brother!" Homer said.

"I'm your stepbrother. Not your real brother! Anyway, we could celebrate a Korean holiday called Chusok!" Hiro Simpson said. "I'll start the barbeque!"

Suddenly a man burst through the door and looked very angry as he walked towards Homer.

"Who are you?"

"You're the one who called my girlfriend a slut!" The man said as he punched him in the face. "Oh by the way my name is Farold. Nice to meet you!"

"Dumbass." Maggie said as she crawled on the floor and learned that word from Marge's father.


	16. An Old and New Man's Bestfriend

This next story is based on two dogs, Shep and Hachiko who are dogs that are too loyal to there masters and waited at Trainstations for there masters who are dead. I am telling you this, just incase you think I'm copying from the Futurama episode, "Jurassic Bark". If you don't believe me, than look these dogs up on the internet.

* * *

Couch Scene: The family runs to the couch and suddenly Homer gets shot by a sniper in a building.

Ralph The Word: "My Mom knows how to take care of me." Ralph said as a mother Bear growls at him she is surrounded by cubs.

"Shutup you! Why am I even in this stupid body." Ralph's said with an evil voice.

* * *

Homer and his family arrived at the movie theater to see a PG movie for kids. Grandpa also came because it was there visiting hours with him.

"Six tickets for Shrek 2." Homer said.

"Sorry pal, but that movie is sold out. We have a Christian movie, a dog movie, and a movie about rats controlling humans to invade the world." The man said.

"The Christian movie sounds nice." Marge said.

"You mean 'The Omen'?" The man said. "So you want tickets to the movie where it does talks about Christianity but also talks about demon child along with other horrifying things."

"The Omen!" Marge yelled.

"Don't most people say that after I mentioned the title. Not after explaining what it is?" Bart answered.

"Quiet Bart. Anyway, we can't see that movie. My children have always gone to horror movies and get nightmares all the time in this theater."

"So you've seen this movie?" The man said.

"Yep... I had a pretty good time too." Homer said as he remembered about his date with Marge at the movie theater. "You sure screamed a lot Marge. I've seen scarier movies than that. Anyway, The Omen sounds fine. Let's go!"

"Hold it Homer! Our children will not see that movie. Every time you come here, you always go to some horror or thriller movie. This time I will choose." Marge yelled. "Mister, what's the movie about the dog about."

"It's called Hachiko: A Dog's Story. It's based on a true story. It's about this dog named Hachiko who has a great time with his owner until he dies of an heart attack. The dog thinks he's alive and waits for him and waits, and waits, and waits, and waits, and..."

"Just give us the tickets." Marge said.

* * *

The Simpsons family including Grandpa Simpson all sat in the chairs of the movie theater. Suddenly the movie began to start with previews or trailers.

"And now, the creators of Matrix brought you another sequel to the trilogy of these sci-fi action series." A Narrator said in the trailer.

"BOOH! WE LIKED THE FIRST ONE BETTER!" A man yelled.

"YEAH! THE REST SUCKED!" Another man said.

Suddenly the first trailer quickly ended because of this.

"We bring you Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows." A narrator said in the next trailer.

"SHUTUP! YOU HARRY POTTER FILMMAKERS SUCK!" A man said.

"YEAH! JUST STOP MAKING HARRY POTTER FILMS!" Another man said.

Suddenly another trailer came.

"Now we brought you a new film in summer. It's about killer driving robot that travels back in time and decides that he will let his friend live or die!..."

"YOU SUCK!"

"... and his friend happens to be a pie!"

Suddenly everyone stopped giving negative comments and started smiling after hearing the word, "Pie".

"This movie is directed by Ron Howard."

"Hey! He stole my idea!" Homer Simpson yelled.

"Stole his idea?" Lisa said. "Your idea just happened to be a rip-off of James Cameron's Terminator."

"At least it has a pie..." Homer said.

* * *

Later at the end of the film, people began crying as they saw a dog slowly dying as he thinks of his dead dog-owner.

"This film is great. I'll never leave you boy." Bart said as he hugged his dog. "Wait a minute... How the heck did you got in the theater."

Suddenly the dog barked at him.

"Oh, why did you have to die Doebell! WHY!" Abe Simpson cried so loudly that everyone heard it.

"Who's Doebell?" Lisa asked.

"He's... um... it's a secret..." Abe said as he stopped crying and ran away...

"That was kind of strange..."Lisa said.

"No kidding. I think the dog hit puberty." Bart said as the dog's fur was shedding all over his cloths.

Suddenly the Simpsons family turned their eyes to Ralph who is strangely beating up bullies with a metal bar.

"Were sorry for what we done! We will never do it again!" Jimbo cried as Ralph punched his face.

"Never do it again, eh!" Ralph said with his different and evil-like voice as he hit Dolph with the metal bar.

"I'm sweating my pants again." Ralph said with his normal voice.

"Shut up you!" Ralph said again but with his more evil-like voice.

"You know Bart. It's as if Ralph is possessed by some kind of evil force..." Lisa guessed. "But that's not possible."

"I don't know about that Lisa." Reverend Lovejoy said as he saw Ralph stuffing "Kick Me" papers in Kearney's throat. "Ralph must be possessed by a demon. We should do an Exorcist at once!"

"Reverend Lovejoy? Aren't you a Protestant priest? I thought only Catholic Priest can do an Exorcist."

"Uh... I hear Helen calling me! Bye!" Reverend Lovejoy said as he quickly ran away.

* * *

Grandpa Abe kept on watching the movie he just saw on tape in his room over and over again. Suddenly the Simpson family entered his room.

"What the heck do you want?" Abe said.

"Who's this Doebell you just yelled in the theater?" Homer asked.

"Why the heck would you like to know?" Abe yelled at them.

Suddenly they saw the Simpson family about to leave and then Abe reacted.

"Wait! Wait! I'll tell you everything."

"Why does this always work on old people?" Bart thought.

"I guess the elderly wants attention..." Lisa answered.

"Shut up! Now let me tell the story. Back then I was being bullied by Homer's wife stupid father. He kept on calling me dumbass and punched me in the face with his gang and..."

"Grandpa. Were supposed to hear about this Doebell, not my other grandpa." Bart said.

"Oh yeah... Anyway, it all started when I was a young child with my parents." Abe said.

* * *

The past.

"Okay Abe, Hubert, and Cyrus. Here's your new home." Orville J. Simpson said as he was standing next to his kids and his wife, Yuma Simpson. "It may be a house in the farmlands but it's near the town and it's better than that other country I was born at... Stupid Childhood..."

The family entered the house and it actually looked like the normal houses they had in the suburbs.

"See better than my... stupid childhood..." Orville said as he thought about the hard times he had in the European country.

Later in the town of Springfield.

An nine year old Abraham Simpson was walking on the streets with a hotdog covered in ketchup, mustard, and some relish.

"Ahh, a hotdog that smells better than the food we have back at the other country. I wonder if taste good as it smells." Abe said until he heard some noise in the alleys.

Abe entered the alleys and saw a starving puppy trying to walk on the floor. The puppy looked at him and make noises as he was trying to look for food.

"Poor thing. Here, have some of my hotdog. We can share." Abe said as the puppy try to bite it. "Hey! Not the whole thing!"

Abe divided the hotdog into two with his bare hands and handed it over to the small puppy.

"Well, goodbye." Abe said as the small puppy began to eat the hotdog.

Suddenly the puppy began to follow him.

"Guess you have no home. What kind of dog are you anyway?"

"Looks like an Husky dog back in the snowy countries." A man said as he saw the two. "He's a cute dog I say. What's his name?"

"His name is... Doebell!"

* * *

"So wait! You just randomly thought a name for that dog." Bart said as he was on the couch with Grandpa Abe, Lisa, and Maggie. "I mean that name Doebell could've come from a person, a tradition, or some object."

"Why the hell would anything want to be called Doebell?" Grandpa Abe said.

"Your dog happens to be called Doebell." Lisa answered.

"Well, even if you did lose your dog. I'll never lose mine." Bart said as he was smiling at Santa's Little Helper.

* * *

The Future

Bart was nineteen and was in the line of joining the military because they give you three meals of day, get a place to live, and they actually let pets in.

"Name please?" A soldier said as he was sitting in a chair near a desk outside and asked for Bart's name.

"My name is Imeda. Number. Too."

"I made a number two?... Wait a second... Why you little. I have to... Wait a second. I have to go to the bathroom." The soldier said as he left the desk.

Suddenly another soldier came.

"Okay what's your name?" Another Soldier said.

"Bart Simpson sir." Bart answered.

"I see... do you have asthma?"

"Nope."

"What about a pet."

"Here's Santa's little helper." Bart said as he showed him his dog.

"Welcome to the army, Bart. Oh, and your little man's best friend too!" The Soldier smiled. "Your lucky that we allow dogs, cats, horses, birds, griffins, cyborgs, dragons... oh and ogres... just like that one.

"I'm not an ogre!" Moe yelled out loud.

"And stop calling me a griffin!" Peter Griffin yelled at him.

"Yes. Stop calling me a cyborg too!" Arnold Scharwzenegger said.

* * *

The past

Abe was now eleven years old and was hanging out with his friends, Jasper and The Young Jewish Boy. They were trying to teach Abe's dog to fetch the ball inside of his house.

"Fetch the ball!" Abe said as he tosses the ball to the ground. The dog didn't do anything. He just sat there wondering what was Abe doing. "Come on Doebell! Fetch the ball! Fetch the ball! Fetch the Ball! FETCH THE BALL!

Suddenly Abe threw the ball so hard that it broke through a window.

"Woops." Abe said as Doebell was growling at the door. "What is it boy!"

The door opened and suddenly a female thief came in until she got bitten by Doebell.

"Sick em Poochie!" Abe said.

"I thought his name was Doebell?" Jasper said.

"Shut up! I'll call him any name I want!"

Doebell continued to bit the female thief's arm until she fell down.

"Strange. I thought adults can stand more than thirty-two bite marks." The Young Jewish Boy said.

"Please tell my son's son to be named Snake Jailbird. Oh, and I need new makeup for all the dog's bite marks on my arm." Viper Jailbird said as she suddenly gone unconscious.

"I don't get woman. They become unconscious if their hair, makeup, or skin goes wrong. Isn't that a mystery." Abe said.

* * *

The present.

"And that's how Snake's grandmother was arrested." Abe said as he was holding an album of pictures of his dog.

"Dog Cute!" Maggie said.

"How come I never heard of these stories Grandpa!" Homer said.

"I tell you these stories all the time! All you do is eat snacks and watch TV when I tell you about my life!" Grandpa Abe argued.

"Well!... You see!... What about!... Oh forget it. I'm going to Moe's." Homer said as he couldn't find a good combat for the argument.

* * *

The past.

Abe is seventeen years old and was hanging out with Jasper, Young Jewish Guy, Malloy (The Cat Burglar from Homer the Vigilante), Hans Moleman, and Abe's dog were investigating a mystery at a haunted house that had ghosts lurking inside.

The five men stepped out of there van as they reached to the haunted house. It was almost the size of a mansion but over the size of a regular house. The gang along with their dog entered the house and suddenly Doebell was making angry sounds.

"Arph Arph!" Doebell roared.

"Shh! Don't make any dog noises." Abe told him.

"Grrrrrrrr..." Doebell said as he was facing at the stairway.

"No dog noises!" Abe said along with Jasper and Malloy.

"Ruh Ro!" Doebell said.

"No Scooby Doo noises either!" Abe said. "Good Cartoon though."

The gang continued to search the house and after awhile they heard noises in the attic. The gang walked on the stairway and opened the passageway to the attic. They looked in the attic and saw nothing but Doebell was still growling.

"Sorry Doebell, but I just don't see anything." Hans Moleman said until suddenly he got impaled by a knife.

Hans Moleman fell to the ground as he was bleeding. The one who did it were three men wearing costumes.

"Oh, it's just them. Scaring children with those masks. Were teenagers you know! You can't scare us!"

"I see Mister." An Hispanic man said as he and his friends removed there masks. (The Hispanic man is from Midnight Rx)

"So the story about this house is fake!" Malloy asked.

"Yep." Another Hispanic Man answered.

"What about the ghosts?" Jasper asked.

"There fake too. You just saw the truth."

"The noises?" Young Jewish Guy asked.

"Yep, we just drums and sticks for that."

"I guess the blood and the knife on Hans Moleman is fake too." Abe asked.

"Umm... yes... that is fake..." The Hispanic Man lied.

Later they ran away as the old men watched them. The gang were wondering why they were running away from the "Fake" Hans Moleman.

"Well, let's go Moleman... Moleman?" Abe said as his dog was licking his blood.

"Ewww..." The whole gang said.

"I mean why would that dog lick ketchup. He supposed to eat meat!" Jasper argued as the dog began to bite Hans Molemans arm off.

* * *

In the future

Bart was seventeen and was running with his dog in a dog talent contest.

"Come on boy! We can beat the other contestants... even though it's only three..." Bart said.

Bart and his dog kept on running and running through cylinders, across bridges, and jumping over obstacles. They later ran to the finish line and a man said, "Good Score Bart!"

"What do you know? He beat the other contestants easily by that dog!" An announcer yelled out loud.

Suddenly the other contestants were angry at Bart because of their lost. Skinner was throwing a hat to the ground near his Chihuahua, Clancy fell to his knees near his pug, and Homer kicked a rock which happened to also be his pet for the contest.

"Stupid Rock! Why can't they move!" Homer said as he walked away.

"Maybe he should get to know me more than kicking me around." The stubborn rock said.

* * *

"What happens next Grandpa?" Lisa asks.

"Really? What happens next! You kids never ask me that question during my stories!" Abe smiled.

"Duh. Your stories are usually just a bunch of lies." Bart said. "Last time you said that you lured King Kong into a trap by using a banana over some girl that the monkey loved. Then you said that King Kong married Godzilla which made that girl jealous which made her suicide. Seriously, even I can tell what's crap."

"Now that you mentioned it, it really does sound like crap." Abe said as he thought about that story. "Anyway, where was I..." Abe said.

* * *

"Cyrus! Hand me that wrench." Abe said as he was nineteen year old mechanic and was fixing under a car.

"Sure thing Abe." Cyrus said as he handed his brother the wrench.

"Thank you. Now hand me the blow torch." Abe said as he suddenly got urinated by the dog. "Dang it. I said blow torch, not being covered by dog urine. Oh well, I can't stay mad at you Doebell."

"Abe? When I and my friends pulled the prank where you stepped on a bag of fire containing poop, you chased us with a chainsaw and yelled at us by mixing curse words with the compliment words." Cyrus said.

"You're a human! Not a dog! Now get it over with!" Abe yelled at him in anger.

* * *

In the future.

Bart, Nelson, and even Martin were now young but low ranked soldiers in a base at Springfield.

"Hello you hell raisers." A man said in a suit of armor as he hold a gun.

"Master Chief? Aren't you just some videogame character?" Martin asked.

"Duh. I'm just in the costume for advertisement of the new Halo game. My name is Nancy."

"Nancy?" Bart laughed. "You're telling me that you're a guy in a Halo costume named Nancy?"

"Hey! Nancy can be a boy's name too!"

Suddenly Bart and his friends just continued to laugh.

"Just stop laughing! You should be lucky to see this costume! There's not many costumes like this made today ever since those Christians destroyed Halloween." Nancy said.

"Whatever dude? You Microsoft game makers used to be trusted. Now you're just a bunch of guys who's doing it for the money as you take off Xbox live or make it expensive on each console you make."

"Well... you see... shut up!" Nancy cried as he ran away.

"Is it just me or did that costume smelled like beetles and a stink bag?" Nelson said.

"I wonder if this is how Grandpa's life in the army was?" Bart said.

"You mean with the new grenade launchers, helicopters, and the night vision goggles?" Nelson said.

"I don't think they have that in World War II." Martin said.

"I just thought of something Martin? Why the heck did you join the army!" Nelson said.

"I can't afford three meals a day. Plus, I'm a Republican." Martin said.

"Anyway, you can't bring your pets to the war even though we had some mixed up rule that will stay with us forever that reasons I can not tell." Nancy said.

"I'm afraid that you're going to have to leave your parents with someone else until you get back here alive... injured... lost an arm... a coma... dead... dead because you dishonored your family and will never comeback..."

Bart entered the same train that Abraham Simpson was on back then as he saw his dog with his younger sister, Lisa Simpson.

"Bye Santa's Little Helper. I'll come back with a gun you can play with!" Bart said as he waved his hand through a window of the train.

"Don't worry Bart. I'll take care of your dog." Lisa said.

* * *

In the past.

"Okay boy! You stay right here!" Abe said as he was about to go on the train station and looked at his dog.

"Abe! Hurry! This train won't wait for one soldier in World War II you know!" Cyrus yelled.

Malloy came to him as he was working at the Train Station.

"Can you hurry up Abe. I'll take care of Doebell. No need to worry." Malloy said.

"Okay..." Abe said as stepped into the train and it began to move.

Doebell just began to bark at the train as it was leaving towards a military base.

"Don't worry Doebell. Here, have some meat." Malloy said as he handed Doebell some meat.

As Doebell ate the meat suddenly a man screamed, "Oh no! The dog has a taste of meat! Run for your lives people! Run for your lives!"

* * *

"Yep. Back then, people were more afraid and thought that Martians from War of The Worlds existed, Big Foot from a videotape is real, and that three chipmunks in clothes could sing." Abraham Simpson said.

"What happened to that dog?" Lisa asked.

"Well... He kind of... I'll just tell you what happened during World War II. I heard all about it when I came back from the war." Abraham Simpson said.

* * *

Malloy was sitting in his office until a man knocked on his door.

"Delivery to Malloy. It's a letter from the U.S. Army." The delivery man said as he handed him a yellow envelope to the man.

Malloy read the letter and then suddenly was surprised. Malloy stepped out of his office and saw Doebell waiting for his master in the train station.

"Hey Doebell. I have a sad message for you." Malloy said as he spoke to Doebell. "This letter says that Abraham Simpson has gone to a better place."

"You mean he's dead from all the bullets, tanks, and brutally flames?" A man said.

"Get out! I don't even know who you are!" Malloy yelled at him. "Anyway that's not the point Doebell. Your master is gone."

The dog did not listened to the man and instead just waited for his master to comeback. He was being too loyal. The dog began to starve, not chewing his toys, or even hang out with the female canines that wanted to meet the dog. That's where the word Bitch came from because of female dog's wanting to hang out with any male dog they see. Female dog's were more attracted towards male dogs just like men are attracted to women. (Remembered this. The strange talking narrator is Abraham Simpson who's known to say strange stories, jokes, and events. This is just in case you get angry about the whole female dog joke.)

* * *

In the future.

"Bart! We need a Warthog quick!" Nancy yelled out as he, Bart, Nelson, and Martin were behind rocks..

"What the heck is Warthog!" Bart said.

"Hurry up! A Warthog now!"

"What is it!" Nelson yelled.

"Come on people! A Warthog!" Nancy said.

"WHAT THE HELL IS A WARTHOG!" Bart yelled angrily.

"Dude. I think that Nancy thinks he's in a Halo videogame eversince we hit him with that rock." Martin suggested.

"I'm going to grab that Needler!" Nancy yelled.

"You mean the AK 47?" Nelson said.

"Man, I think these guys are growing insane. I better hurry up before the smart fatty becomes a part of this illusion." Nancy thought.

A little later, Bart, Nelson, and Martin saw Nancy in a tank.

"Look what I got fellas. A Scorpion guys." Nancy said.

"You mean a tank?" Nelson said.

"No. A Scorpion. S, C, O, R, I..."

"We know it's a tank." Bart said.

"It's a Scorpion. A one manned tank that..."

"You just said tank!" Bart said.

"Of course I did. It's a tank guys. Don't you know that?"

"Whatever. This tank is not even one manned. Someone can control that machine gun." Martin said.

"This is not a tank. It's called a Scorpion." Nancy said again. "S, C, O, R, P, I..."

Three hours later, Bart was in the middle of a battlefield laying down on the ground injured as he was bleeding. Suddenly Nancy came out of nowhere and picked him up.

"Don't worry soldier. I got you! I'm a soldier that can't die and... hey a shotgun!" Nancy said as he went towards the enemy side with an injured Bart.

"I'm invincible with this shotgun!" Nancy said as he holded a shotgun.

Suddenly an enemy soldier came and saw.

"AHH!" Nancy screamed and that committed suicide with the shotgun.

"And you call yourself invincible." Bart said.

"What a weakling." An enemy soldier in a Mario Costume.

"So your an advertisement for Nintendo?" Bart asked.

"Yes. It's kind of sweaty inside and I think there's bug inside. By the way, why are we fighting again?"

"I think it had to do with KKK terrorist's in power of some country, the Soviet Union are rising again, or the last bottle of beer."

"BEER!" Both army's yelled at each other as they were fighting each other.

"Yep, it's beer." Bart said as suddenly a missile out of nowhere came with the word "ME NEED BEER!" came and suddenly a huge explosion appeared in the battlefield.

* * *

Lisa came to the train station with a yellow letter as he saw Bart's dog laying down on the same area where Abraham's dog was.

"I have some bad news boy. Bart is gone. You have to live with me if you want." Lisa said but the dog just kept on laying down on that area because he thinks that his dog is alive. "I got a doggy biscuit for you."

The dog did not move.

"What about this rabbit toy here?"

The dog still did not move.

"How about this dog bone?"

Suddenly the dog growled at her for treating him like a childish animal, even though dogs are mostly considered that. Lisa just stepped back and walked away. Suddenly, Santa's Little Helper quickly swiped the toy, biscuit, and dog bone with his paws and mouth as no one was looking.

* * *

The present.

Abraham Simpson was standing near the tombstone of his dead canine friend with the words that were carved in, "Doebell, a man's best friend who stole my heart... and my stake too during dinner."

"I'll always remember you buddy ever since you killed that cat for stealing the cat food I switched as a prank." Abe said as he walked away.

* * *

The past and the future

As time goes, Doebell and Santa's Little Helper kept on waiting for their master's as trains were running on the tracks. They kept on waiting and waiting for them. Each train that came by, no Abe are Bart stepped out. As the month's go, the two dogs in the past and the future started to close their eyes as they remembered they had fun with there masters, friend, or partner. Before Doebell closed his eyes a ball came to him out of nowhere reminding him of catch with Abe. He picked it up with his mouth and then closed his eyes as snow was falling...

* * *

(Extra Scene)

As Ralph was bullying Bullies with his strange evil-like voice in the middle of a park as a bunch of Catholics along with the police were hiding in the bushes waiting for the right time.

"You think this will work Doc? I mean how can I arrest my own boy with the demon inside him?" Wiggum said.

"First of all, I'm not a doctor, I'm a Catholic Christian you dumb Protestant. Second, we will take that demon out of your son.

Suddenly the Catholic surprised the possessed Ralph and restrained him. The Catholic then pulled out something from Ralph's body.

"Here we go!" The Catholic said. "Oh wait... it's a Jackelope. Next is a... Leprechaun... Then a... Fairy... Then a... Goblin... next is a... it's pretty big... I need some help fellas."

The Catholics helped him and suddenly pulled out a huge whale named Moby Dick out of Ralph's small body that was going to squash them all. As the Catholics and Policemen had broken bones under Moby Dick, one catholic said, "Seriously Wiggum, you need to stop reading him bedtime stories."

"Hey Ralph. I'm going to stop reading you bedtime stories. Okay?" Wiggum said.

"Okay." Ralph said in his normal voice.

Suddenly Jason Voorhees, The Terminator, Predator, and a U.S. Senator appeared out of nowhere.

"Man, I didn't know Ralph could mature so fast without childhood stories.

"That's my mind you imbecile." Ralph said with his evil-like voice.

"I'm going to make all the bribes I can!" The U.S. Senator yelled out.


	17. Fatty in Time

If you are reading this story, then you probably won't understand it unless you read the stories before this story.

* * *

Couch Scene: The Simpsons all run to the couch through bikes and then they all stop by pressing the brakes.

Ralph the Word: "This candy taste good!" Ralph said as he was eating worms.

* * *

"Here we are! The invitation to the newly built Bowling Center!" Homer said with a smile as he was in front of a Bowling Center with his family.

"Don't you think this is kind of strange dad? The cars here are empty and have nothing inside of them." Lisa said. "Plus, this all seems familiar to a trick we saw but what was it."

"Who cares. Were invited to free bowling!" Bart said.

"Oh wait, you go ahead without me. I forgot my wallet in the car." Homer said.

"Okay, but don't get locked in the trunk again like last time..." Marge said as he remembered Homer being beaten up by the Mafia as he was thrown into the car.

As the rest of the Simpsons entered the bowling center except Homer, suddenly the lights turned on and revealed that no one is here.

"Hello Simpsons." Sideshow Bob said.

"Oh yeah! Now I remember! This is just like the time that Sideshow Bob convinced us to the empty restaurant. Plus, that doesn't sound like Sideshow Bob doing the same plan over and over again." Lisa said.

"I know, but I have modified every plan I had failed. It seems that Lisa is the smarts of destroying my plans and Bart is the arms of destroying my plans. I guess Bart has a little smarts because of foiling my first plan to frame Krusty." Sideshow Bob said. "Hey! Where's the fat one?"

"Getting his wallet." Marge said.

"I need help! I'm stuck in the trunk again!" Homer yelled so loudly that the spiders in the closets of the Bowling Center could hear.

"Anyway, sit down on those chairs as I tie you up with rope." Sideshow Bob said as he pulled a gun towards them.

"Is there actually any changes in this plan besides the whole action and smarts thing about us." Lisa asked.

"Yes, as a matter a fact there's... um... Homer's not here... that's different... and it's a bowling center instead of a restaurant... also I'm using stronger explosives instead of TNT." Sideshow Bob said.

"Your plan is pretty much the same. You really have ran out of ideas, haven't you?" Bart said.

"Have ever tried controlling an helicopter and crashed it into our house, or set a bomb under Bart's desk at school, or you could use a car to crash into us during our family time or..." Marge said until Lisa interrupted her by just looking at her angrily.

"I never have tried that... For a housewife, your actually really smart, but still I will do what is necessary." Sideshow Bob said.

Later where Homer within the trunk of the car.

"One, two, THREE!" Homer yelled as he kicked hard enough to get out. "Got my wallet and now..."

BOOM! The Bowling Center was destroyed along with the rest of The Simpson's family except for Homer.

"Oh no! All those bowling balls are on fire! Now what am I going to do for fun! Oh yeah, My family is dead! There all dead!" Homer said.

"You still have me son!" Abe said as he appeared out of nowhere.

"Shut up dad. Go home." Homer said as Sideshow Bob sneaked out of the building quietly.

"I finally did it! I actually killed Bart Simpson! What shall I do first! I could try to stab Bart in the... Oh wait... Maybe I should blow up Bart's face with a... Oh yeah... How about I plant some explosive in Bart's room... Why do I keep on thinking about Bart?" Sideshow Bob said as he walked away and that a bunch of rakes were magically following him similar to the Disney movie Fantasia where the Brooms were walking.

* * *

Homer was walking on the sidewalk sadly in the suburbs of Springfield until he spotted a few nerds working on a machine at Chief Wiggum's front yard.

"Artie Ziff? Prof. Frink? Comic Book Guy? What project are you working now?" Homer said in depress.

"Were building a time machine for that evil version of Ralph who forced the nerds to build a machine used for evil. He threatened to rip our tongues out and use them to feed cows, then rip their tongues out, and then put them in our mouth with all the saliva, and the gooeyness, with all that disgusting drool, 'GLAVIN'!" Dr. Frink said.

"Time Machine? Wait a minute! I just had an idea! I could stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, and stop all those evil machines from taking over the world!" Homer said.

"What about saving your family from all the horrible explosion." Arties Ziff said. "I heard all about it from your father. He kept saying that you're a dumbass for some reason and that he hates you. I think that's where Patty and Selma's hate for you came from."

"It's finally working!" Comic Book Guy said as suddenly a blue portal opened nowhere.

Homer jumped in quickly without anyone warning him.

"That moron. Homer's going to need this device." Artie Ziff said as he threw a device with a clock attached to it.

Ralph came with his father's gun.

"Are you finish yet?" Ralph asked with his evil voice.

"Uh, no. Some... bald goofball took it... he was big and strong..." Artie lied.

"Take this goofball!" Ralph said with his evil voice as he shot Grounds Keeper Willie.

"What the heck did I do besides punching the Senator's face." Grounds Keeper Willie said.

"I shot Elmo." Ralph said with his normal voice as he thought that Grounds Keeper Willie looked like Elmo because of his red hair and awkward face.

* * *

Homer suddenly warped into Bart's room which looked similar except for one thing. A game on his computer was working.

"This device followed me? I wonder if this will help me go through time? Call of Duty?" Homer said as he held the device that Artie Ziff threw and looked at Bart's Computer. "I better pause the game so no one loses on this computer game."

As Homer touched a button on the keyboard, suddenly as electricity hits the cables of the house, Homer got shocked by pressing the keyboard's buttons.

"AHH!" Homer screamed and then later stopped being shocked. He then heard some noises and hid under the bed.

It was Bart and past Homer. They all sat on the computer and as they both touch the keyboard, a beam of light appeared to them and suddenly the two guys disappeared as future Homer watched.

"So wait? I caused that? Prof. Frink told me that a beam of light from his own device was send towards Bart's computer? I wonder where it really went?" Homer thought as he created a blue time traveling portal with the device in his hand.

* * *

"Please stop! You horrible zombies!" Mr. Burns said as he was warped into Resident Evil on the PC. "Please don't eat my brains with all my organs dipped in blood where you use my bones as toothpicks to scratch out the remains between your teeth."

"Dude! That's disgusting! I'm a vegetarian!" A zombie said.

"All we do is have these parasites in us do the work." Another zombie said. "You watch too many movies. Zombies are people who are brought from the dead not from the underground malls where Cannibals shop at."

"I'm truly sorry then." Mr. Burns said. "Tell you what! Come to my house later and I will serve you some fresh tea with the juiciest lemon's you ever seen?"

"Will there be fruits?" The Vegetarian Zombie said.

"Why not? In fact. Instead of tea, how about I invite you to a party I'm having later. You might want to be careful when you enter. My dog cages have been broken."

"Oh, don't worry. We have our own dogs. Isn't that right Fluffy?" Another Zombie said to his vicious undead diseased dog named Fluffy who was growling at Mr. Burns.

* * *

Homer stepped out of the time traveling portal and saw an abandoned lab.

"What's all this? I don't remember seeing this in Springfield?" Homer said as he saw a huge Nuclear Missile in the middle of the lab. Homer then noticed an huge unplugged plug. "Hmm... I know I shouldn't let these plugs on the floor like this. I better plug it in."

As Homer plugged in the huge plug, suddenly the words from a computer that says, "NUCLEAR MISSILE ONLINE SEQUENCE READY" were repeatedly heard over and over again. Suddenly it stopped for a while as the nuclear missile was online.

"READY FOR ACTIVATION" The computer said.

"You mean this lever?" Homer said as he heard noises. "Better hide."

As Homer hid behind a desk he saw his son, Ben, and one of his cousins, Bobby Simpson.

"Stop right there, whoever you are!" Past Bobby Simpson said as Present Homer Simpson saw him press the trigger of his gun and then a bullet was released almost hitting Ben, but he dodged it. Instead the bullet hit a lever.

"What the heck?" Present Homer Simpson said as he heard alarms, noises, and speakers activated.

Suddenly he and the other guys from the past were watching a Nuclear Missile launching.

"Oh boy... Did I do that?" Homer Simpson said.

* * *

Later, before Bart entered 5th grade and Lisa entered 3rd grade at the Springfield Elementary School.

"Okay Mr. Tall. You may have some high anger issues, but you seem to have some great smarts for our school. You're in!" Mr. Skinner said as he finished looking at Mr. Tall's resume in his office.. "NEXT!"

As Mr. Tall left, Mr. Nental entered Skinner's office.

"What's your name, what grade do you want to teach, what subject, and tell me why do you want to teach here?" Skinner asked.

"My name is Danny Nental." Mr. Nental said.

"Really? Danny Nental sounds similar to Daniel Nental but hey it could be a coincidence." Skinner said.

"Yes. Anyway, I wish to teach 5th grade Health and the reason I want to teach here to show what future the students can have for all the hard work they do to reach to a better life."

"Your resume is good along with your Doctor's degree, but I heard rumors that a bunch of children in the parks were scared of you and called you the Boogeyman and that they never want to do Halloween ever again."

"Uh... you must've have mistaken for... Mr. Burns! Yes, that's it. Mr. Burns, the well known hated man for all the terrible work he's done." Mr. Nental said.

"Oh yeah! He is an evil bastard. Anyway, all I need now is some fingerprints with ink, a picture, and then you're done and that... what's that screaming noise from the sky?." Skinner said as he looked through the window up. " I don't see anything."

Suddenly present Homer out of nowhere crashed from the sky towards Skinner's office destroying Mr. Nental's resume, ink, and some other papers.

"Homer! What are you doing here!" Skinner yelled at him.

"Uh... traveling through time..." Homer said.

"Who would believe that! Just get out of here!" Skinner yelled. "Now because of you! I have to give Mr. Nental a job without doing fingerprints or picture tests!"

"I thought it was the opposite of giving a job?" Homer said.

"Yes, but this guy has an outstanding resume along with a Doctor's Degree from college." Skinner said. "This might be a turning point for our school!"

"Yes and scaring the children's soul with all the gore and guts." Mr. Nental said with a psychotic like voice.

"What was that?" Skinner asked.

"Nothing nothing. Just trying to think what my first assignment for the children would be." Mr. Nental said with a fake smile.

* * *

Homer stepped out of the blue time-traveling portal and entered Moe's small apartment.

"So this is Moe's place. Kind of gross too..." Homer said as he saw an oven on. "Hmm... I shouldn't let this oven cooked that high while he's gone. Better lower it down a little."

Three minutes later, Homer stepped out of Moe's apartment and Moe entered his home.

Meanwhile at the crime scene after past Homer, his friends, and Marge are after that Bart, Lisa, and Maggie thought that Homer was a murderer.

"Just forget about that jerk, Moe." Carl said as he and his friends looked at an explosion in downtown Springfield.

Suddenly out of nowhere a broken burnt oven came flying in the sky and landed on past Homer.

"Dooo..oo...hh.." Past Homer said with a weak voice.

* * *

Present Homer stepped out of the time-traveling blue portal again and was now in France, but in an place where criminals are captured and put in cells.

"Hey you fat man!" Ugolin and Cesar said as they were holding the bars of metal tightly in their cells.

"I shouldn't be talking to French losers like you." Homer said.

"You call us losers right now, but when we make some great food with great sauce you will change your mind." Cesar said.

"Great food, huh?" Homer said.

"Yes! All you have to do is open this cell and we will make it." Ugolin said.

"I already done it. Man, you French talk slow." Homer said as the prison cell was already opened and that Ugolin and Cesar stepped out.

"You fool! I can't believe that worked!" Ugolin smiled.

"Now to have revenge against that Bart Simpson!" Cesar laughed as he and Ugolin ran away.

"Why do the French lie to me all the time." Homer said.

"Hey fat guy! I'll make some powerful mushrooms in pizza if you let me out!" Mario said as his brother Luigi was reading porno in a prison cell.

"Nah." Homer said as walked away.

"You come back here or I'll kill you with my hammer as I get a colorful star you dumbass!" Mario said in a threatening way.

* * *

"Where am I now?" Homer said as he saw a filthy room with knives, books, portraits, a gun with a silencer, and even an old sink.

"Who are you!" A man said in the shadows as he quickly took the gun with the silencer.

"I'm a Knivy Picture." Homer Simpson said as he came up with the name from the knives and portraits.

"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't shoot you?" The mysterious man in the shadows.

"I don't know. I mean I work hard and I can get stressed from my kids. My daughter keeps on complaining about the eco-system and my son keeps complaining about how he gets mentally tortured by Mr. Nental and..."

"Wait a minute? Mr. Nental? I'm a fan of his work!" The mysterious man said.

"You're a fan of school? You must be one big nerd." Homer guessed.

"Yes... do you know where Mr. Nental is?" The mysterious man asked.

"He's in Springfield in the state of... Not again, my device is randomly teleporting me again to a different time!" Homer said as he suddenly disappears in a blue portal.

* * *

Later in Fort Springfield a military base.

"Hello Russ Cargill." A scientist said in a secret building below underground.

"Yes, now what do we have here?" Russ Cargill said as he was in a hallway seeing through the window of another room..

"We have developed the newest device right now. We call it G.E.A.R. Also known as Gadget Engineering Advance Robot. Though the robot just wants to be called Marc for some reason. In fact the robot has real intelligence because it's body is synced to a real brain." The scientist said.

"Uhh... That's G.E.A.R.?" Russ Cargill said as he saw a floating metallic ball with one eye in the room through a window. "Where's the brain anyway?"

"The brain's not inside of it. It uses wireless signals to the brain instead of a wired-like spinal cord. Kind of like the internet. The Brain is in a secret place where no one can harm it."

"What does it do?"

"It can take control of people's minds, it's very smart, and it's voice sounds like an mad scientist."

"Uh-huh? Why did you brought me here?" Russ Cargill asked.

"Hey! What are you looking at you piece of crap! I will pick up a knife than stab you in the knife than I would use that eye as a tennis ball!" Marc (AKA G.E.A.R.) laughed.

"Is it supposed to be death-threatening. It doesn't even have arms." Russ Cargill said.

"The brain we got was from a cemetery. We had no idea who's brain is which."

"Also, who's that fat man doing in the room."

"Fat man? What fat man?" The Scientist said as he saw him taking Marc and entering a blue portal.

"Dammit! I'm working for EPA this time. I heard they don't deal with fat men stealing military devices and traveling through blue portals." Russ Cargill said as he walked away in anger.

* * *

"Thank you! Thank you fat man! I will reward you when I take over the whole worlds by giving you five more seconds of life!" Marc said as Homer was near the Springfield School.

"So you're not a donut?" Homer said.

"I don't look like one. Anyway just set me anywhere. I can take care of myself." Marc said as Homer put him in the boy's bathroom through a window.

Then Marc saw Ralph entering the bathroom.

"Hello little boy." Marc said.

"I hear voices in my head! Hello talking toilet... AHH!" Ralph screamed as the evil Marc merged with Ralph's mind. "I feel like a wolf now..."

"Shut up you fat kid! I chose the wrong choice!" Marc said which he is the evil voice.

* * *

Homer was now in Skinner's backyard and saw a young eight-year old Chris playing with a ball on the grass.

"Your that Vietnamese kid that wanted revenge on Skinner for killing your real parents that Bart told me all about." Homer said.

"Revenge? Why would I do that?" The Vietnamese eight-year old said.

"I don't know. Just research about it. I heard that you found out through a letter or something." Homer said until he teleported again to a different time.

* * *

Homer than warped into the time where Detective Mr. Burns was fighting Mr. Nental for a fight for survival inside the criminal's home.

"You there man!" Detective Burns said. "Hand me the gun I dropped!"

"Sure thing!" Homer said as he threw the gun towards him."

Detective Burns quickly shot the man seven times and then the criminal fell down.

"Hey!" Homer said. "That's cheating in wrestling"

Homer still did not realize that Mr. Nental was a criminal because he thought it was wrestling.

"What's your name?" Detective Burns asked.

"Homer Simpson." Homer answered as he suddenly disappeared through time.

"Simpson, eh. I won't forget you..." Mr. Burns said as Homer suddenly disappeared. "What happened here? I must've shot this criminal with my gun, all by myself. Though , I feel like someone else is here."

* * *

Homer was now on the suburbs of Springfield.

"I better hurry and stop that explosion." Homer said. "Hey, a cute couple."

"Yep." The man noticed Homer. "My name is Farold. We just moved here. What do you think of my girlfriend?"

"I don't know... she looks like a slut..." Homer said.

"What the heck do you say?" Farold said as he punched him.

Suddenly Homer disappeared and Farold saw past Homer greeting his real South Korean stepbrother.

"Hey you! I don't what kind of trick he did, but he's going down!" Farold said to himself as he ran to the Simpson's house.

He bursted in and saw Homer hanging out with the South Korean.

"Who are you?" Past Homer asked.

"Your the one who called my girlfriend a slut!" Farold said as he punched him in the face.

* * *

"Oh my god! The explosion starts here!" Homer said as he saw the bowling center." Homer quickly entered and saw his family tied up to chairs but no Sideshow Bob. "Where's Sideshow Bob?"

"He already escaped." Lisa said. "Can you stop the bomb? All you got to do is press type in NO on the computer. It's really simple."

"Okay!" Homer said as he typed a word. "I did it! The bomb should be off as I typed in YES."

"WHAT!" The whole Simpson family said except for Homer. "IT"S NO!"

Suddenly the whole Bowling Center blew up.

* * *

"Where am I?" Homer said.

"Your not in heaven that is." Another Homer said. "Your in the end of the world!"

"What?" Homer said.

"Yep." Thirteenth Homer said.

"Were all here because we failed to stop the explosion." Sixteenth Homer said. "Your weren't blown up because a blue portal was activated before the explosion."

"We are trying to figure out how to stop it by combining our plans, but nothing seems to work." Nineteenth Homer said.

"What happened to you?" Homer asked.

"You don't want to know what happened." A Tracy Ulman Simpson Short version of Homer said.

"Have you tried to stop Sideshow Bob from escaping?" Homer asked.

"Well... tell you the truth we only tried two things. Remove the explosions are allowed Sideshow Bob to take his revenge on Bart and not the whole family." Ninth Homer said. "Not only that we..."

"Bye Bye!" Homer said as he entered a blue portal.

* * *

Homer stepped out of a black and white portal and found himself in a black and white cartoon with no sound.

"Where am I!" Homer said through letters and sentences. "I went too far..."

"What the heck do you mean?" Itchy said through letters and sentences as he was holding a head of the King of England.

Homer activated the device again creating a black and white portal and then jumped into it. He later found himself in the hallway of the prison.

"I must be in the prison where Sideshow Bob is... Hey I have my voice." Homer said as he saw Sideshow Bob opening his Prison cell.

"Strange. I expected more guards." Sideshow Bob said as he used a gun with a silencer he hid inside of his pillow. "What the..."

Homer suddenly tackled Sideshow Bob without thinking. They were both fighting as Sideshow Bob dropped the gun.

"You killed my family! I mean I killed my family! I mean you planted the bombs which I killed my family with! I mean... DOH!" Homer said as he punched Sideshow's Bob face.

"Stop right there Simpson." Cecil Roberts said as he pointed the gun with the silencer to Homer. "I don't know how you know our plan to escape but you can't dodge a bullet with all that fat."

Cecil Roberts pressed the trigger but suddenly no bullets came out.

"What the... Bob! You told me there were bullets in here." Cecil said.

"There are bullets inside! The trigger sometimes doesn't work. I bought it from Wall-Mart with their cheap products." Sideshow Bob said as Cecil found bullets inside the gun.

Suddenly Homer whacked the two criminals with a baseball bat.

"I stopped them and... wait a minute... where did this baseball bat came from..." Homer said.

"That would be mine. I was looking for that." Fourteenth Homer said as he stepped out of a blue time-traveling portal.

* * *

Homer was now in his couch with his family as he was smiling.

"Everything is back to normal..." Homer said until Maggie saw a tail attached to Homer's bottom. She suddenly dropped her pacifier from her mouth with surprised.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"Hey Moe! I need a beer." Homer said as he was in Moe's Bar. "Also, I have some friends with me."

"Sure thing Homer!" Moe said as he turned around and Homer with other time-traveling Homer's. "Oh boy... I better get the emergency beer too..."

"You think you got problems?" Barney Gumble said as he was with time-traveling Barney's.

Suddenly all the time-traveling Barney's burped at once creating destruction all over town.

"That guy needs to control his alcohol problem." A zombie said as he walked out of Mr. Burns party with Tea.


	18. New Treehouse of Horror Part II

(Note: This is a New Treehouse of Horror story meaning that this is not a part of the continuity of the fan fiction story. In other words, it's similar to a spin-off. Also, New Treehouse of Horror will be released on October and sometimes in Summer or Spring.)

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were dressed up in Halloween costumes on Hallow Eves. Lisa wore a Malibu Stacy Princess, Maggie wore a fairy costume, and Bart was wearing a Zombie Krusty costume equipped with a flower with venom instead of water. The three knocked on Ned Flanders door and then Ned Flander stepped out with an angel costume.

"Dude, seriously?" Bart said as Ned looked more of a lady in the angel costume.

"Yep. Here's some toothpaste and some dental floss for your spine-diddly-adventure." Ned said.

"Shouldn't you give candy? Today is Halloween. You have jars of flowers instead of jack-o-lanterns." Lisa said.

"I don't celebrate Halloween. It's a sinful day of mischief and horror. That's why I'm in an angel costume and not a Krusty costume." Ned said.

"It's a Zombie Krusty costume." Bart said.

"I know that. I just said Krusty Costume." Ned said.

"Dude. Don't you know the rules of Halloween. Always wear a costume, and something that's scary not pathetic. Hand out treats, not toothpaste. And never blow out a Jack O Lantern. Or at least burn the flowers." Bart said. "You got to follow these rules. Some people are serious about Halloween. Now where's my candy!"

"Uh huh. Anyway, I better get more toothpaste for the kids in there sinner costumes." Ned Flanders said as he left the house. "Rodd and Todd. You want to come?"

"Yay!" Todd said but not Rod for some reason.

"Coming dad." Rod said instead of saying Yay.

Todd came down stairs as he wore an Angel costume with wings. Rod however wore a Kiss band costume.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DIDDLY WEARING?" Ned yelled at him. "Take that off right now!"

"No way!" Rod said as he ran off with his costume.

"Oh my god. The Flanders Gene has already taking effect!" Ned yelled.

"Flanders gene? Is it similar to our Simpson gene?" Lisa asked.

"It's when that a Flanders look all nice when there born, but then starts acting bad and dangerous when they grow up, but then it again makes that person nice again at some random point. I learned about it after I got spanked continuously for eight whole months... Those stupid beatnik parents..." Flanders said as he ran towards the Kwik-E-Mart.

Ned Flanders was almost at the store that was surrounded by decorations including sticks to the ground covered with sheets to look like ghosts. Ned suddenly heard noises. He then saw someone or something.

"What are you doing with that knife. You shouldn't play with sharp objects. Wait! Wait! AHH!" Ned screamed.

Apu stepped out of the Kwik-E-Mart after hearing noises.

"Who made that scream? I have candy you know." Apu said until he saw a trail of candy.

Apu followed the candy leading to one of the ghosts decoration except that there was blood stains on it. He removed it and saw Ned strapped to the stick with huge cuts, bleeds, and an orange lollipop in his mouth.

"Out of all of those teenagers that did to my store. That's got to be the best of what those teenage brats did." Apu said as he left without being scared or contacting the police.

"I er... ALI er... VE" Ned Flanders said to Apu who left as his mouth had a lollipop that was stuck in his mouth.

"Hey a Piñata." Nelson said along with the other bullies.

"Dibs on destroying the nuts." Jimbo said as he had a Baseball Bat in his hand.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were now at Mr. Burns mansion ringing the doorbell.

Suddenly a secret door on the wall opened and nothing came out.

"Where are my hounds?" Mr. Burns said as he came out. "Oh well. I'll try the other one."

Another door on the wall released adorable puppies that Mr. Burns stole from The Simpsons from the episode, "She's the Fastest".

Mr. Burns watched the three kids petting the puppies and then said, "You may think it's cute at first. But they grow up."

The children were still petting the puppies and ignoring them.

"Why are you even here? I hate Halloween!" Mr. Burns yelled at them.

"What? But you always pull pranks on people on this day." Bart said.

"I know. I still hate it because I have to go to the market just for candy and give them for free to all those fat children in silly costumes. I should just relax in my chair drinking hot cocoa near a hot fire." Mr. Burns yelled.

"Give us the candy or I'll egg your house." Bart said.

"Too late. Someone already did." Mr. Burns said as Ned Flanders was on his roof.

"I'm not an egg! I'm supposed to be an angel!" Ned yelled.

"So what! Aren't angel's from an egg? They have wings don't they?" Nelson yelled at him.

"Your talking about birds! Birds and angels are completely different!" Ned said as he argued with the bullies. "Plus, I'm still bleeding. I should be at a hospital! Not at some old man's roof!"

"Anyway, the candy?" Bart said to Mr. Burns.

"I don't have any candy. Instead, how about some Halloween stories. I actually know some horror stories at my time. Have you ever heard of the story called The 13th Victim?" Mr. Burns said.

* * *

The 13th Victim (Spoof of Friday the 13th)

A ten-year old Homer was sitting around the campfire along with a ten-year old Apu, Ned, Barney, Moe, Lenny, Carl, Wiggum, Reverend Lovejoy, Artie Ziff, Snake, Cletus, John Frink and Comic Book Guy. We were all kids who liked to prank each other, but Homer was different. Sometimes we don't have to prank him because he just pranks himself without even knowing.

"OW! This towel doesn't like me." Homer said as he got bitten by a mongoose.

"Maybe because there's a snake on your head?" Moe said.

"Snake, what snake... Uh-oh... AHH!" Homer screamed in pain as the snake beat him along with the mongoose who was trying to eat the snake.

Homer was known not to be a very great swimmer at the time. Instead he was a very good eater. Yet, sometimes he can go too far...

"Homer! Stop munching on those chips! I'm trying dream about me dating Cat Woman in a restaurant as Superman offers me an Spiderman comic book." Comic Book Guy says in anger as he, Cletus, Moe, and Homer were in there cabin.

"Yeah Homer. I'm trying to sleep too as I kissing a pig in his own filth." Cletus said as Homer was eating too much chips.

"If you don't stop eating than, I will put some poison in some bread." Moe said.

"Will all of you quiet down!" A counselor whose age was really old said.

Later in the cafeteria, snack shops, and even guys offering some steak out of nowhere, Homer kept on eating the food. He wouldn't share one bit of it. We got angry and started to plan a prank that Homer would never forget and he did.

"Hey Homer!" Apu called.

"What is it?" Homer ran to them.

"We just wanted to congratulate you by giving you some magical food underwater."

"Magical food? This sounds like a trick. But food has never lied to me." Homer said as an counselor ate a bread with poison in it. Suddenly he fell to the ground as the campers weren't looking.

"Anyway, Homer. You have to swim there. It's just underwater near the shore. It won't be hard, even for a dumbass... I mean smartass like you." Snake said.

"Okay!" Homer said as he looked at the lake. "Hey guys. I don't see any food. Usually if it's near shore, you can see it and... AHH!"

All of the other campers pushed Homer into the water as he had a hard time swimming and that no counselors were helping him. Not only that the water currents was pulling him away from the shore. We all thought he was drowning but he somehow managed to reach to the camp, but his face now looked like something out of the garbage can... Hmm... needs to look dramatic. Like rain. Suddenly the campers were wet as rain came out. Not dramatic enough. I think a snow day will do. Suddenly the campers were covered in snow. How about a blizzard. Suddenly the campers were freezing and... Hey wait a minute. There's only supposed to be one narrator not two!

"Okay Abe Simpson. Your son is ready to go." James Monroe said as Homer was acting crazy with his arms tied up together. "He's a little crazy right now, but he'll be back to shape."

"Shape? Yeah right..." Abe thought.

"Anyway, his crazy incident my occur again. I don't what made him this insane. You're lucky he didn't kill anyone." James Monroe said as Homer was chewing on a bird. "Uhh... no one who's human."

Suddenly Homer shot a counselor with a gun.

"Hey! Give me my gun back!" Abe said until James Monroe looked at him. "Uh... I have a gun for... opening fridge on Wednesday's and turning off the lights... All right... Here's a bribe."

"Thank you." James Monroe said as he took a bunch of cash from Abe. "Anyway, he might be insane again if he remembers this. Anything could happen. He could even not act insane as a kid until he becomes an adult."

"Whatever, you money taking bastard." Abe said as he drove the car and forgot Homer.

Anyway where was I... The rest of the campers who knew what made him looked like garbage decided that we shouldn't speak about this. We hoped that Homer might not become insane again. We hope that everything will be forgotten on the day at Leafy Lake... until now... "COUGH! COUGH!" Where's my medicine and water!

* * *

Snake Jailbird was walking on the streets of Springfield until he heard walking noises.

"Who is it? Oh it's just you..." Snake Jailbird said. "What are you doing with that hockey mask with candy sticking on it. What's with the hard French bread. Get away from me dude!" Snake said as he shot the person who did not fall. "Dude! You didn't fall you he or she, tall or short, hairless or haired, Skinny or fat, Human or monster... AHH!"

The mysterious person walks away as Snake Jailbird was whacked by diamond-hard French Bread and stuffed with pork chops in his mouth and that a child in a costume of orange pajamas and a burlap sack with button eyes and a stitch-like smile for a mask named Sam watches the dead body.

* * *

Bart and Lisa were watching Itchy and Scratchy until the news came.

"Hello people! This is Kent Brockman with a story for you! Last night, criminal Snake Jailbird was murdered by a mysterious assailant who uses hard bread as a weapon and stuffs them with different kinds of food. Today is pork chops." Kent Brockman said as he ate one.

"Uhh sir..." The camera spoke to him as he was on the news.

"What is it Jake? Can't you see I'm in the middle of the..."Kent Brockman said until he looked at the pork chops. "This isn't the same from Snake's Jailbirds... I need a bathroom..."

"Again another victim." Lisa said.

"Another victim?" Bart asked. "You mean there were others?"

"Yep. Three others were murdered last month. Barney Gumble was stuffed with beer cans in his throat after being strangles by twizzler's. Ned was stuffed down his throat with his own chicken recipe as he got killed by getting hit by a cow's hoof. Then it was Chief Wiggum who got stabbed by a bull's bone and then stuffed down his throat with his own arm. Don't you remember that?" Lisa said. "Snake happens to be the fourth victim of this murderer who is called the Stuffing Killer. No one knows who he is or what does he even looks like."

"Who cares. We just both got an invitation from the contest yesterday. We're going to Kamp Krusty! A better one than last time..." Bart said as he remembered wolves chasing him and some other children as the counselors were chatting with Freddy Krueger just so the evil villain can distract the adults. "I hope that never happens again..."

* * *

"That is forty-five cents Cletus." Apu said. "Say, have you notice the fourth murder of the Stuffing Killer."

"Yeah. They say he uses a toilet to do all his dirty work." Cletus said as his pig was around him.

"No. Not that! Those four victims that were killed happened to be the campers back when we were all kids. We could be the next victims of the Stuffing Killer!" Apu yelled.

"Stuffing who?" Cletus said as a person holding diamond-hard bread entered with a mask that has candy sticking to it.

"Oh boy. It's him." Apu said.

"Who?" Cletus said.

"Obviously it's... AHH!" Apu screamed as killer stuffed hot dogs down his throat. "You monster! I cannot eat meat! I'm a vegetarian even if it does taste good! AHH ahh eh..."

Apu was fell to the ground and the killer went towards Cletus.

"What are you going to do talking bowl with candy all over the seat. Doing your dirty work I guess." Cletus said until the killer grasped his shirt and hit him towards the shelves.

* * *

"Another murder has been committed. Two murders by the same killer. Who is he and where will he strike next?" Kent Brockman said on the news as Bart and Lisa saw a footage of Apu stuffed with hotdogs in his throat and Cletus with a whole pig who is still alive in his throat. "The scientists predicted that Cletus's last words to his wife was, 'You were a great wife and I loved how you were stupid, uncaring, and can't cook and... Oh what the hell. I hated you all my life and I actually had another girlfriend who cares what I said. That's right. All of your children are bastards and I actually had an A in gym! Take that bitch!'. Now let's see what Cletus's wife has to say."

"Cletus just said the most nicest and sweetest thing ever." Brandine said as she was being interviewed by Kent Brockman.

"Man, this killer just murdered his sixth victim. I wonder where he is now?" Bart said as Homer walked by with a diamond-hard French Bread. "Hi dad."

"Must kill. Must kill." Homer responded with an insane voice.

"Good luck with that." Bart and Lisa said at the same time as they did not pay attention to Homer's words.

* * *

Comic Book Guy was eating a bunch of donuts in his shop until a man entered the shop.

"Hi Homer. What are you doing here?" Comic Book Guy said.

Insane Homer pulled out a lollipop and broked in on the shelves as crumbs scattered on the comic books.

"You monster! My comic books are not in mint condition!" Comic Book Guy said as he was having a heart attack. He then fell to the ground dead.

"Is this a joke?" Insane Homer said. "Oh well."

Insane Homer grabbed the donuts and tried to stuff it down his mouth, but they wouldn't fit as there were already foods stuffed in his mouth.

"I guess I could have a bite." Insane Homer said as he bit a piece.

"Mmm... Donuts... Wait a minute? What am I doing here?" Homer said as he was back to himself and saw a dead Comic Book Guy. "Oh my god! Those comics are not in mint condition anymore! Oh yeah, and I probably kill that guy. Wait a minute. I'm a murderer? I got to keep this a secret. I wonder if chicks are into killers these days?"

* * *

The Simpsons were at church waiting for the priest to come but strangely he didn't.

"Where's Reverend Lovejoy? He's never late for church." Marge said.

"Marge! Have you seen my husband." Helen Lovejoy asked.

"No. I hadn't seen him when he was with you for dinner at Tuesday."

"Tuesday and Dinner?" Helen said in anger.

As Abe Simpson stepped out of his chair to go to the bathroom with his broken old back suddenly a body from the ceiling out of nowhere appeared and hit Abe towards the floor. It was a dead Reverend Lovejoy hanged with tacos in his mouth and with a note on his back.

"Oh my god!" A Christian said. m

More Christians became scared except for Grandpa Simpson because the dead body manage to fix his broken back.

"Yippee! Thank the dead Christian everybody!" Abe Simpson said as he ran outside.

Marge came to the body and picked up the note.

It said "The 8th Victim... OW! DOH! Stupid guard dog. I thought Reverend never had any dog's in his house. Plus, why is he with that pretty girl, doesn't he have a wife and isn't that Adultery? Ooh Pork chops at the dinner table."

"This person sounds familiar." Marge said along with the other people including Lisa, Prof. Frink, and Dr. Hibbert.

Abe Simpson came back with a broken back.

"I got hit by a car." Abe said.

"Just go outside Grandpa. Stop making stories." Bart said until Jasper crashed into the church with his old car.

"Is this Old Man's buffet restaurant?" Jasper said.

* * *

Homer and Marge were now with the kids who packed up their stuff for the more newly improved Kamp Krusty who were outside near the bus.

"Okay kids. You have a good time with the other kids and your father." Homer said.

"Wait a minute? Dad's coming to the trip!" Bart said with worry.

"Yep. I told him that he should spend more time with you and that camp wanted more counselors. So have a good time." Marge said.

Bart, Lisa, and Homer all entered the bus as it began to move towards Leafy Lake. When it made it to its destination, it stopped as the three Simpsons stepped out of the bus.

"Hmm... I forgot my bag on the bus. Wait here kids." Homer said as he stepped back into the bus.

"Hi you little munchkins."Moe said as Carl and Lenny were here.

"What are you doing here? Are you the counselors?" Lisa asked.

"Yep. We were here to see our old place of childhood, have some fun with kids around the fire, talk about ghost stories... oh and get away from the secret of the Stuffing Killer."

"Shut up." Carl and Lenny said.

"Whatever Moe."

"Whatever. I feel safe here." Moe said as Homer came.

"Hi guys." Homer said.

"Oh boy. We're going to need some protection."

Moe, Lenny, Carl slowly left as Bart and Lisa went to their cabin. Suddenly Homer got a phone call.

"Who is it?" Homer said.

"This is Jason Voorhees back at the shop." Jason Voorhees said. "I believe you rented a mask for just a week and you never paid for it. I hope it isn't sticky or covered in candy."

"Uh-oh." Homer said as his mask was unpaid for and had candy stick to it. "Uh, Jason. I'm going to stick with the mask a little later. Bye bye."

Homer turned off his phone and then Jason at the shop said, "The last guy who didn't pay said that!"

* * *

Later at night, Prof. Frink was making an invention. Suddenly he heard noises.

"Who's there. I got a wrench with all the iron and the minerals and the heavy weight lifting, 'GLAVIN!'." Prof. Frink said until he got knocked out by a heavy iron steak.

Homer Simpson picked up the unconscious Prof. Frink and stuffed his throat with Broccoli, Jell-O, Fruit, and other healthy foods that disgusted Homer's brain.

Homer than left as he ate the iron steak he knocked Prof. Frink with.

"Mmm... the irony. Does that sound right? I don't know..." Homer said as he questioned himself.

* * *

Bart and Lisa woke up and notice that everyone is already gone to the woods. They thought Homer should be in the Counselor's cabin because he's late for work all the time. As they entered the cabin, they saw a dead Lenny, Moe, and Carl.

"My god! What happened to those three!" Lisa said.

"Hey Lisa. What's this French bread and mask stick with candy doing in Homer's bag?" Bart asked.

"You don't think our dad could be the Stuffing Killer."

"Huh?" Bart said as he took a bite from a lollipop that once got stick to the hockey mask.

"Ew... You don't know how long it's been there Bart." Lisa said.

An hour later, Homer woke up and saw him tied to the bed with rope.

"What's happening here? Am I having an hangover! Oh, it's just you guys." Homer said as he saw Bart and Lisa looking at him angrily. "Untie me or else!"

"Nope you monster!" Lisa said as he hit him with a diamond-hard French Bread.

"Ow! Where did you got that bread... Wait a minute... You know who I am don't you!" Homer said angrily.

"Yes you Stuffing Killer!" Bart said as he pointed at him.

"That too. I was just going to say that I can actually cook bread. Still, I'm not going to go down that easily." Homer said as he destroyed the rope by using full strength and then the two children suddenly ran through the cabin door and through the woods of Leafy Lake.

"Hey look Lisa. There's a chain and a boat. I have an idea. Give me that big rock." Bart said.

"Bart actually has an idea?" Lisa said.

Bart and Lisa picked up the chain which was now tied to the rock and put it in the boat. They then moved the boat into the middle of the lake. Suddenly out of nowhere, Homer appeared from the lake and Bart quickly put the chain around his neck and then through the rock. The chain that was tied to the rock causing Homer to drown in the lake.

"I just thought of something." Lisa said. "Wasn't dad all the way at the cabin. I mean he can't run that fast and or swim fast."

"That's a mystery Lisa. Anyway, I just beat the King of the house! I'm the man now!" Bart said.

Later in Artie Ziff's huge mansion.

"'I'm the man now!' Bart said." Artie said as he finished typing a novel. "When this book goes out, everyone will think that the secret back then, those murders, and that Bart defeated Insane Homer is all fictional." Artie Ziff said until he heard the doorbell ring.

Artie opened the door and saw Abe Simpson.

"You have to help me! That car is chasing me again!" Abe said until Artie closed the door.

Suddenly another doorbell rung.

"Abe! Enough about the... huh?" Artie Ziff said as saw Homer back from the dead, covered in seaweed, wet, and a chain around his body. He was a zombie.

Suddenly Insane Homer stuffed pancakes down Artie Ziff's throat alive and more and more as a child wearing as a child in a costume made of orange pajamas, and a round burlap sack with buttons as eyes and stitch-like smile for a mask named Sam watched. After all, Artie Ziff is one of the campers back in Homer's childhood... He is the 13th Victim...

* * *

"That's a nice story Mr. Burns." Lisa said as she, Bart, Maggie, and Mr. Burns were drinking hot cocoa near the fire.

"Yep. Got anymore?" Bart asked.

"Well I do have another. It's about a boy who have powers. Powers of evil." Mr. Burns said as he threw a picture in the fire.

* * *

Son of Homer (Spoof of The Omen)

Homer was at Bart's eleventh birthday party at the backyard of there house as he handed his son a gift.

"Here you go Bart." Homer said as he gave him the gift.

Bart opened it and saw a raincoat inside and suddenly he threw it to the ground.

"That's the eleventh one." Bart said as he walked away.

"You respect my gifts!" Homer yelled at him as he was strangling.

Later, Selma Bouvier was walking through the crowd in Bart's birthday party until he sees Bart' dog, Santa's Little Helper.

"What are you looking at?" Selma said as he threw an meatball at him.

As Bart was playing catch with his friends, suddenly from the windows Selma appeared.

"Hello Bart! I'm doing this for you!... and I guess Marge, and Patty, definitely MacGyver..." Selma said as she jumped off the ledge of the window with rope around her neck. Suddenly she committed suicide after that.

"WOO-HOO!" Homer said as everyone looked at him. "I mean... woo-hoo..."

"Shutup you dumbass." Clancy Bouvier said. "Oh well... she was a good kid... until she started smoking at age six... Kind of think of it... when were they ever good kids?..."

Bart then turned around and saw his dog staring at him. The canine than walked away as he stole a steak from the grill.

"Hey! Comeback with my steak you little mutt!" Homer yelled at him.

Ned took a picture of Selma's suicide for the newspapers.

* * *

The next day, Homer was drinking an icy cool can of beer until he heard the door bell ring. Homer walked to the door and opened it, seeing Willie holding a Christian Cross in his hand.

"Homer! You have to be more religious and stuff watching football on Sundays!" Willie yelled at him.

"What? Why? Is it because I put beer in the holy water or the time I accidently left a axe with blood on it at the roof of the church?" Homer said.

"What? It was you! And we all blamed Mr. Burns for that because of how evil he is. Anyway that's not the point. Your son is not your son! He's actually the son of the..."

"How the heck would you know something stupid like that?" Homer asked.

"I saw baby Bart at the hospital. Oh, and Marge giving birth to him. I always wanted to see what birth meant and I puked on the floor when I saw it." Willie said. "Anyway, Bart is the son of the..."

"Devil? Because I saw something like this in a movie once?" Homer said.

"Nope. He's the son of Stephen King. The horror and supernatural writer who always keeps saying things that involves with hell." Willie said. "Anyway, you must be careful. Bart has evil powers who might harm your loved ones."

"Why would an author's son have powers?" Homer said.

"You know, I asked myself that too and never found out." Willie said. "Anyway, you must go to church every Sundays. Oh, and stop drinking beer. The bible doesn't allow abuse of alcohol."

"Like that will ever happen." Homer said as he slammed the door in front of Willie's face.

Willie was about to leave until Ned came.

"Hey, Willie. Give Ned a smiley dilleroony." Ned smiled as he took a picture of him.

"Stupid paparazzi. Now they're taking pictures of groundskeepers?" Willie yelled to the sky.

* * *

Bart stepped out of the school bus along with the other kids and entered the school.

Suddenly bullies made up of Nelson, Jimbo, Kearney, and Dolph appeared in front of him as he was walking to his locker.

"Hey Simpson. You look a bit tired. I think I can help you up by punching you in the face." Jimbo said as he suddenly kneed him in the groin.  
"OW! Why did you do that in fact you said punch not knee. Also how is punching ever going to help me get up. That sentence doesn't even make sense in the bully language." Bart said as he fell to the ground.

"Hey! This guy is correcting us. Let's punch him!" Dolph said.

Suddenly the others began to kneed him instead of punching him in the face.

"Don't you know what punch is?" Bart said in pain.

"Tough guy eh? Kick him in chest!" Kearney said as they all began to give him Indian burns instead of kicking him.

As they were beating up Bart, the boy suddenly breathed fire from his mouth.

"My clothes are all dirty!" Nelson said as he was able to stand up as a burnt skeleton.

* * *

Homer and Marge were at Skinner's office to talk about a problem with Bart.

"Okay now where..." Skinner said as his door fell revealing that the whole school is destroyed. "Anyway, your boy has destroyed the whole school with his lightning powers, burnt children by breathing fire, and freeze the school teachers."

"We were just kissing in the freezer." Edna Krabapple said as she was walking with Mr. Tall through the destroyed hallway.

"Anyway, your boy has caused total destruction. The only thing he hasn't burned is himself." Skinner said as he stood up from his desk revealing that his whole body except for his head is a skeleton.

"I don't think it's Bart. It must've been Lisa. That troublemaker always pulling pranks and riding her skateboard." Homer said.

"Homer. That's Bart." Marge said.

"Bart's the smart nerd. Now Lisa needs to have some discipline. I think the old strangling the neck would do. Homer said.

"Bart put another crayon in Homer's nose." Marge said.

"I can already see." Skinner said as he saw Homer on the ground bumping his head towards his desk.

"Homer. I knew this would happen." Willie said as he stepped into his office. "As a Christian of the Protestant Church, I am giving you one more chance. Meet me at the park. I'll be there all day." Willie said.

"Wait a minute! Your Protestant? I thought all the people in Europe were Catholic."

"That's a stereotype for European people. Now come if you don't want any more trouble." Willie said.

* * *

Homer was at the park and saw Willie sitting on the bench with a Christian Cross and the Christian Bible.

"Okay Willie. You lead me to your evil lair." Homer said.

"Do you know these words. From the eternal sea he rises. Creating armies on either shores. Turning man against his brother. Until Man..."

"Man what? What happens to Man? Does he get a free taco? It's a taco isn't it? ISN'T IT! No it's a pizza. I bet it's a pepperoni pizza with..." Homer interrupted.

"No you dumb bird. It's man exist no more! Anyway, your son is the son of Stephen King. The master of horror who is believed to have the mind of a thousand psychotic chipmunks!"

"Mmm... Psychotic Chipmunks..."

"Ew... Anyway that's not the point. You must kill your own son! I know a man who can stop the boy before it's too late. Reverend Lovejoy has..."

"Look you Catholic scumbag." Homer said as he mistaken him for Catholic. "I don't believe any of this nonsense. I may be Christian, A believer in the bible, and a criminal but I do not say that my son is the son of some evil author who's psychotically insane. Now good day to you Catholic."

"I'm not Catholic!" Willie said as Homer walked away. "Stubborn fat man!"

Willie began to walk away as the same child Sam watched the angry man with his stitched-like smile on his burlap mask. Willie began to walk even further on the park as suddenly a storm appeared. Suddenly the groundskeeper started running until he saw the church. He quickly ran to the doors but it was locked.

"Help! The evil one is here! Help!" Willie said as Reverend Lovejoy was listening to loud music on the inside of church.

Suddenly an axe with blood on the church moved by itself and then fell towards Willie. Suddenly Willie got hit by an axe on his back.

"Is that all you got evil one! I got hit by axes many times!" Willie said.

Suddenly another axe appeared out of nowhere hit him on the back.

"This is a new record." Willie said as he fell to the ground dead.

* * *

Homer was sleeping on the couch for a while until he woke up and picked up his newspaper. As he read it he suddenly got surprised after founding out about Willie's death on the front of the newspaper...

"My god! Willie could be right! My god! There having a sale on flat screen plasma TVs!" Homer said until he heard the doorbell.

Homer walked to the door and opened it revealing Flanders at the door with a camera.

"Oh it's you. What do you want now Ned?" Homer asked.

"Have you seen the newspaper about Willie's death?" Ned asked as he showed him some pictures of Willie and Selma.

"Yep. What about it?" Homer asked as he looked at the pictures.

"These pictures show shadowy lines in the background. Two on Willie's back and the other is near Selma's throat." Ned said. "This indicates that these are a sign of death. These two shadowy lines are actually two axes and the shadowy line in the other picture is actually rope."

"I'm sorry for Willie but I'm okay with Selma. She's in a better life now." Homer laughed.

"Come with me." Ned said as he dragged Homer to his car.

* * *

"Why do you want me to go to this old nuthouse?" Homer said as he and Ned were in front of Willie's small house.

"Were here for an investigation. I think Bart's mysterious powers destroying the school and Willie's mysterious death might have an connection." Ned said as they both entered the small house.

"He sure has a lot of Christian Crosses here." Homer said as he saw the insides of Willie's house.

"I think he was trying to get away from someone. It's probably Bart." Ned said. "Say, what day was your little Bart born on?"

"I think it was June 6th 1996." Homer said. (This is a Tree house of Horror story. It means that it's not a part of the series and it's more of a spinoff. This means that it's not Bart's real birth date either.)

"I see... What time?" Ned asked.

"6:00" Homer said a little worried.

"Hmm... How many muffins at that time."

"Six" Homer answered.

"Doctors?"

"Six"

"Gifts for the baby?"

"Seven, oh wait. I mean Six." Homer said.

"Your son really must mean that he's the son of Stephen King. Though usually it's the birth of the devil..." Ned answered.

"Oh my god! My Bart is now a Bart King. How has this unholy birth happened." Homer cried. "You know what. Just go away. I'll fix this myself."

"Sorry Homer. I'm a part of this as well." Ned said as he handed him a picture.

"Oh no. You're a clown?" Homer said as he showed him the picture.

"Those stupid bullies vandalizing my pictures." Ned said as he erased the clown picture on Ned's face. "Look again."

Homer saw a line crossing Ned's throat.

"Wa-hoo! Ned's going to die!" Homer said as Ned looked at him angrily. "I mean wa-hoo..."

* * *

Homer and Ned were at the dark cemetery's as they stepped out of Ned's car.

"Will get even more proof if we find out who's Bart's real mother is." Ned said as they passed the gates of the cemetery.

The two men kept on walking through the mist on the land where the dead are buried.

"There! I think that's the one." Ned said as he and Homer ran to a tombstone.

"Here lies Sarah King." Ned said.

"I thought Stephen King was married to Tabitha King?" Homer said.

"Maybe he cheated on her." Ned said as he removed a flat cement cover of the grave. In the grave they both saw a German Shepherd inside.

"Stephen King had sex with a German Shepherd?" Homer said.

"That sounds disgusting when you kind of think about it." Ned said. "Hey look over there!"

Ned and Homer ran to another tombstone that said Bart Simpson engraved on the cement. They started to removed the flat cement cover on the ground and saw a skeleton shaped like Milhouse.

"My god. Your son is not really your son." Ned said.

"Eh, that's not too bad. My real son looks like a nerd. There's even blue eyebrows still attached to his skull." Homer said.

Ned suddenly punched him in the shoulder for saying that.

"Grrrr..." A dog said as Ned and Homer turned around.

"It's Santa's Little Helper." Homer said.

"There seems to be more of them." Ned said as more dogs that look like Santa's Little Helper appeared. "We should run..."

Suddenly Ned and Homer were running for their lives from the skinny but vicious dogs. Ned managed to escape from the cemetery but Homer fell down as the dogs were attacking him.

"Get up! Homer! Doesn't it hurt!" Ned said.

"Nah. I've been through worst. Like one time I got electrocuted by..."

"GET UP!" Ned yelled.

Homer quickly got out of the group of dogs and rushed towards Ned's car.

They then drove on the road away from Santa's Little Helper and his gang of dogs.

* * *

"Here you go Homer." Reverend Lovejoy said as he and Homer were in Reverend's house. "These are the knives that will kill the boy who's the son of a German Shepherd who had sex with an Horror Novelist."

"Don't say it. It sounds too weird. Anyway thanks. Without Willie telling about you before he died, everything will be alright... except that I have to kill a boy right before my eyes and I still don't know if he really is a powerful evil person even with so much proof right now." Homer said.

"You're saying you don't want to kill him." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Well... pretty much. I mean this is just a boy were talking about! What if he's not really a boy of evil power?" Homer asked.

"If you won't do it Homer! Then I will!" Ned said as he came out of the second floor.

"Ned. I told you to stay in the second floor." Reverend Lovejoy said as Ned took the knives.

Ned than just walked out without making a word.

As Ned was walking out he saw a quarter.

"Must be my lucky day." Ned said as he picked up the quarter and suddenly a burning tire out of nowhere almost hit his head. "My shoelace is untied."

Ned bent over to his shoes and began to tie it when a sharp flying disc almost decapitated him.

Ned walked again as he was still near Reverend's house until some guy appears with an axe and hit's him in the back.

"OW!"

"You were supposed to be decapitated but we have to speed things up!" The random guy said as he ran away.

Ned Flanders fell to the floor dead as Homer and Reverend stepped out of the house and saw what happened.

"Oh my god! Ned is dead and... Wait a minute. This should be a happy thing? Looks I have to do the job myself." Homer said as he took out the axe from Ned's body and chopped off his head.

"Homer! Why did you do that! He's already dead!" Reverend said.

"A pictured showed that a shadowy line went through his throat." Homer said as he picked up the knives. "Hey a quarter."

* * *

Bart was sleeping in his room until Homer opened the door with a bunch of dogs biting on him.

"Come on boy." Homer said as he was holding knives.

"Why are there dogs biting on your arms and legs?" Bart asked in fear.

"Oh this. There not strong enough to beat Homer J." Homer said as he grabbed his son's arm.

Homer walked out of his house with the dogs still biting on him as Bart was trying to escape but Homer's hand kept on grasping to his arm.

Homer tried to enter his car but the dogs were still attached to his body.

"Err... Here dogs! Go!" Homer said as there was a mailman giving mail.

"Oh not now!" Gil Gunderson said in his mailman uniform.

Homer quickly entered the car as Bart was trying to escape but couldn't. Homer started the car and started to drive it recklessly all over Springfield. Suddenly the police saw him driving the car pass the speed limit and started chasing Homer. Homer than stopped it at a church and quickly ran towards the church as the same child wearing the burlap mask in his pajama costume watched. He was now at the front of the insides of the church with the knives in his hands and suddenly the police barged in.

"This is the police! Put the knives down and give me that quarter!" Wiggum said.

"Help me Lord! And no to the quarter!" Homer yelled at Wiggum.

Suddenly Wiggum pressed the trigger and shot Homer dead.

"You suck Homer." Bart laughed.

Suddenly Bart got shot too and fell dead also.

"Woops..." Wiggum said as he pointed the gun down to his pants and pressed the trigger by accident. "Oh no! I make babies with that!"

* * *

Reality Becomes The Story (Spoof of Trick R, Treat)

"That was a... sort of... good story." Lisa said until the doorbell ringed.

Mr. Burns came to the door and saw another trick r, treater wearing a burlap mask with a stitched smile and a pajama costume.

"Go away. I hate Halloween you stupid scum." Mr. Burns said to it.

Suddenly the child "Flipped the Bird" towards the old man.

"All you kids are getting more ruder everyday!" Mr. Burns said as Lisa, Maggie and Bart came.

"I never seen you around here... Sam." Lisa said as she saw his name engraved on his costume and Halloween bag.

The child suddenly just left in silence.

Mr. Burns later went to the fire and throw some pictures in there for no reason.

"Hey Mr. Burns. Why are you throwing pictures in the..." Bart said until one of Mr. Burns puppies were barking up at the ceiling.

Suddenly more were barking at the ceiling.

"Why are they barking at my beautiful ceiling? They love the ceiling." Mr. Burns said as they were old dirty sock sticking on the ceiling.

"Maybe there something bothering them on the second floor." Lisa suggested.

"Oh no! It's that evil Grinch!" Mr. Burns said.

"The Grinch? Why would he ever come to your house. He's not even real." Bart said.

"Oh he's real. When the Grinch stole Christmas, I immediately stole the Christmas from him and thought about giving it back to the people. Then I thought, 'What would Monty Burns do?'. Now he's swearing for revenge against me. Better get my shotgun." Mr. Burns said as he picked up a Double-barreled shot gun from the wall where the other collections of other very old guns were.

"Come on children. Stay with me." Mr. Burns said.

"Okay."

"Okay? This is actually strange. When do I save children's lives?" Mr. Burns asked himself as he and the three kids were walking upstairs.

As they were on the second floor they heard noises become louder.

"I think it's coming from your bedroom." Lisa and Bart suggested as Maggie pointed at his room.

"WHAT?" Mr. Burns yelled at the two.

"I think it's coming from your bedroom." Bart and Lisa repeated.

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Mr. Burns yelled again.

"IT"S COMING FROM YOUR ROOM OLDMAN!" Bart yelled.

"You didn't have to yell." Mr. Burns said as he and the three entered the room.

As they entered and turned on the lights, they saw words painted all over the room saying, "NO CANDY MAKE ME CRAZY!" and "NO COSTUME EQUALS DEATH!" or "ELIZA WILL YOU MARRY ME?". Bart suddenly laughed at the marry me words.

Mr. Burns and the three children than saw a moving thing under the blanket of the bed. Mr. Burns quickly removes it seeing a toy hand moving it's fingers electronically.

"It's just a toy... AHH!" Mr. Burns screamed as something cut the shin of his legs from under the bed. He suddenly fell down to the ground and the child in the weird costume named Sam appeared with a candy bar pack.

"Oh no! A candy bar with peanuts! I can't eat peanuts! I'm allergic to them." Mr. Burns said until Sam revealed that the insides of the candy bar pack was a knife. "Oh thank god. It's just a knife."

"That's bad!" Bart yelled at him as he swiped the shotgun and aimed it towards Sam as he pressed the trigger. The bullet was released but when it came contact to the murderous child the lights turned off and he suddenly disappeared. "Oh man. I could've shot him in the eye."

"Give me that!" Mr. Burns said as he took the shotgun and was able to stand up with the cut on his shin.

* * *

Mr. Burns, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were near the staircase and saw candy all over it.

"Careful, careful... Oh no..." Mr. Burns said as he slipped down on the stairs and fell down on his back at the 1st floor. "Now do you know why I hate Halloween..."

"It's not that hard." Bart said as he and his two sisters was crushing lollipops, chocolate, and other kinds of candy on the stairs.

"Ew... I have gum on my shoes." Lisa said as she, Bart, and Maggie were at the 1st floor of Monty's Burn's house.

"Dang it. The back door is locked." Mr. Burns said. "Will have to try the front door."

"Uhh... Mr. Burns..." Bart said as he was looking at the ceiling. "Is it normal for children to crawl on the ceiling."

Mr. Burns, Lisa, and Maggie all looked too at the ceiling and saw Sam smiling at them as he was on the ceiling.

"AHH! DIE MONSTER! DIE!" Mr. Burns screamed as he tried to shoot the boy on the ceiling with his shotgun and reload and shoot again.

Mr. Burns then stopped as he was continuously missing.

The evil child laughed until he noticed that the ceiling had huge cracks connecting together because of the strong bullets of the shotgun. Suddenly part of the ceiling and him fell to the ground.

Mr. Burns and the Simpson kids ran away from the evil kid until Mr. Burns finally manage to shoot him in the head twice.

"Finally. I killed that evil assailant." Mr. Burns said as he saw the dead killer on the ground.

"I'll call 911." Bart said as he dialed in the number. "Hello Chief?"

"What is it?" Wiggum said.

"There's a murderer in our house. You got to help us!" Bart said.

"Sorry, but there's a criminal here who's taking us hostage. The whole police station. You have to call the police!" Chief Wiggum said.

"You are the police."

"Oh sorry. We have to do everything by ourselves. Do you know how hard it is to negotiate with criminals! Huh, do you!" Wiggum yelled.

"Well..." Bart said until suddenly the phone's suddenly made beeping noises. "Dang it. I can't make a call anymore."

"Can't make a call?" Lisa said. "But were the only ones here and the dead killer is right over there."

"That's strange. Who did it?" Bart said until he got attacked by a hand! "What the heck this thing doing on my neck?"

The hand was trying to choke the boy but nothing happened.

"Seriously. My throat is strong as diamond after all that strangling by Homer. Tough luck pal." Bart said until the hand started to attack Lisa's throat.

"Ba...rr...ttt!" Lisa yelled at him angrily.

"What? I just told him that my throat is strong. Anyway, hey handy? Get your hands off my sister... Heh heh... hands..." Bart laughed a little because the one attacking his sister is a hand and them after the small laugh, Bart hit the hand with a baseball bat.

"So that's where my old baseball bat is." Mr. Burns said.

As the hand was on the ground, it crawled towards Sam's arm and reattached himself. Suddenly Sam woke up and then Mr. Burns shot him again in the head.

"Hmm... I can do this over and over again." Mr. Burns said as he took off his mask revealing President Tom Jefferson's head which surprised the old man. "My god. Tom Jefferson has awaken from the dead!"

"You idiot. That's not Tom Jefferson. It's just another mask." Bart said as he took the Tom Jefferson mask revealing a pumpkin like head with a face of a skull. "See. He's real identity is some pumpkin-skull head thing. Doesn't even feel like the kid is even scary when I say it like this."

"Whatever. Go to the kitchen I have weapons up there where you can have for protection."

"Isn't the evil child is dead?" Bart said.

"Didn't you saw his hand moved? He could be alive again. Now go!" Mr. Burns yelled as they all went to the kitchen.

Mr. Burns were searching through for weapons as the children were waiting.

"Here we go. An M1919 Browning for little Bart." Mr. Burns said as he handed him a large machine gun that was very heavy for Bart yet he could carried it.

"Whoa Mama! I can shoot down Ned Flanders with this baby." Bart said.

"What do I get?" Lisa said with a smile.

"Oh, here. You can have this old rusty pistol I have. Don't know if it works, but I'm sure an little weak and emotional girl like you can use this sort of weapon... more like a toy instead." Mr. Burns said

"Stereotypes today..." Lisa argued.

"Here you go Maggie. A Bazooka for your style of shooting." Mr. Burns said as Maggie was smiling and hugging the weapon as if it was a doll. Suddenly Lisa got angry.

"Why does she get a weapon of destruction? She's a girl and she's only two!" Lisa said.

"She did shot me. I should give her something stronger." Mr. Burns said until Lisa almost shot him because the old man dodged it.

"I hear noises outside. It could be that killer." Bart said.

"I'll go check." Mr. Burns said.

"Hold on a minute. Haven't you seen those horror movies where a group splits up and usually some or at least one of the people get killed." Lisa said. "In fact, I know this sounds fictional, I think there's a high possibility this time."

"Sounds right. Bart! I want you to protect your weak, emotional, and not-strong sister. Okay? Boys like you need to be tough and strong to protect the weak." Mr. Burns said.

"Okay. I'll protect this weak nerd over here." Bart chuckled as Lisa was getting angry over the weak girl stereotype.

* * *

"Where are you killer? I know your here somewhere." Mr. Burns said as he shake in fear outside of his mansion.

"Hello Mr. Burns." Waylon Smither's said.

"AHH! Oh, it's just you Smither's." Mr. Burns said. "Wait a minute. Were you the one creating all that noise outside."

"Well, yes. I was arguing on the phone as I got here. I'm here to just make sure your okay." Waylon Smither's said.

"So, if your right here then that must mean that he is... Oh my god! My puppies are with the killer!" Mr. Burns yelled after only thinking about his puppies instead of the three Simpson kids. "Smither's! Call the police!"

"Okay." Smither's said as he dialed 911.

"Who is this? Were taken hostage here! You have to help us!" Chief Wiggum said as he was still under hostage.

"I think I should call the bounty hunters, the SWAT team, the FBI, and Robocop. There more professional." Waylon Smither's said as he walked away.

* * *

As Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were eating snacks they were hearing noises coming from the door as they were in the kitchen. Suddenly Sam opened the door without wearing his mask and saw the kids holding weapons. Bart pressed the trigger of his huge machine gun used in World War II but didn't go out as plan.

"Oh dang it!" Bart said as the gun was unstable for a child and started shooting everywhere in the kitchen.

Maggie pressed the trigger of her Bazooka and created a large hole in a wall. The machine gun finally stopped after creating a huge mess that would take a long time to fix. There were bullet holes on the walls, frying pans, pots, and wood. The evil child stopped looking at the mess and walked towards to the kids and suddenly Lisa pressed the trigger of her tiny rusty pistol which manage to shot through Sam's forehead.

"What do you know. The rusty gun works." Lisa said.

Mr. Burns came quickly as he could after seeing the mess.

"Don't worry about us Burns. Were okay." Bart said.

"Who cares about children! Are my puppies okay!" Mr. Burns said.

"I guess so."

"Oh good. Where's the killer?" Mr. Burns said.

"He's right over... Oh dang it!" Bart yelled as the killer disappeared again.

* * *

Mr. Burns, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were in the large living room. They were checking everywhere for the killer until suddenly a knife was thrown into the air from the door entrance and was stabbed deeply into Mr. Burns leg. He then fell down as Bart, Lisa, and Maggie looked at the entrance and saw the child with his pumpkin head as he was picking up his mask

"Children stay behind me." Mr. Burns said as Sam put his mask on his head.

He then walked towards the old man with his knife as he looked like he was smiling with the mask he had on. Sam got closer to the old man and stabbed him with the knife through the chest, but Mr. Burns didn't bleed or feel pain.

"Eh? What the..." Mr. Burns said as Sam stabbed through a chocolate candy bar on his chest.

The evil child picked up the chocolate candy bar on the knife and ate it. He walked away as the four stopped worrying.

"... HE WANTED CHOCOLATE!..." Mr. Burns yelled in anger. "He's been trying to kill me over a stupid chocolate candy bar?"

"Don't you get it Mr. Burns? He's trying to kill you because you hate Halloween." Lisa said.

"I guess you're right." Mr. Burns said as the children left Burns Mansion through his door. Suddenly another doorbell ringed again and Mr. Burns opened it. "Hello kids. You want some candy?"

"Yeah. Give it or I'll spray paint on your house!" Nelson yelled at him.

"He's not lying!" Ned said as he was still on Mr. Burns roof.

"Whatever." Mr. Burns said as he gave him candy and then saw Sam near the gates watching him.

"I hate this sinner holiday." Reverend Lovejoy said on the sidewalks near Mr. Burns home. "These children are celebrating this mischievous holiday. Who would want to celebrate in stupid costumes."

Suddenly little Sam followed Reverend Lovejoy with a knife in his hand as Mr. Burns watched. The old man closed the door and suddenly got another doorbell ringing.

"Coming!" Mr. Burns said as he picked up his jar of candy. The old man opened the door and saw Homer wearing an old mask, covered in chains, seaweed, and holding candy in his hand.

"What the... You can't be alive!" Mr. Burns said as Homer stuffed candy in his mouth.

Mr. Burns suddenly fell to the ground dead as the pictures showing kids at a camp smiling with Counselor Burns burning on the fire.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"I can't believe it Kang!" Kodos said. "They replaced us in the Halloween special with that guy Sam. He's just a boy who goes killing around people for candy. Does that sound all scary or Halloween to you?"

"Well actually..." Kang said until Sam was staring at them.

"What the heck are you looking at!" Kang yelled at the boy.

"Go back to your mama." Kodos yelled at the boy.

"Who rights this cartoon anyway?" Kang said.

Later at the writing staff's room.

"Hey, Hanson. You got that script done yet?" Matt Groening said as he entered the room.

"UH AH UH AH!" A monkey yelled at him as he ripped the script.


	19. The Machine Who Loves Pizza

Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch and sat on it until the couch speaks the words, "THIS COUCH WILL SELFDESTRUCT IN TEN SECONDS..."

Ralph's Word Scene: "Send help! This thingy inside of me hurts me..." Ralph whispered.

"Help?" Marc said to Ralph from the inside. "I'm the thingy? That's it. Your getting more punishment. Where's my tape of Discovery Channel."

"Please! Anything but that!" Ralph cried.

* * *

"So Grandpa Abe and Clancy? What do old people did for entertainment." Bart said as he was watching TV with Abe, Clancy Bouvier, and Lisa.

"What we did for entertainment?" Abe laughed. "We..."

"We shot a bunch of Communist and Fascist and sent them back to hell." Clancy Bouvier said.

Suddenly Bart and Lisa took a step back from Clancy Bouvier.

"By the way? Why did you brought me and Abe here. You said it's urgent or something." Clancy Bouvier said.

Meanwhile upstairs in the master bedroom.

"So Homer? Did you got the gift for Clancy Bouvier. It's his birthday you know." Marge said.

"Birthday? I.. I.. I mean yes..." Homer lied.

"You don't have it do you..." Marge said.

"I do have the present... okay I don't." Homer said.

"Just give him... one of your ties." Marge said.

"Why would he want a tie. I actually know the man... pretty much everyone does with that anger of his..." Homer said.

"Just get him a present!"

"Okay, but I don't know where I can find a bunch of communist where he can shoot at in America." Homer said as he knew that Clancy Bouvier likes killing enemies of America back in World War II.

* * *

Three minutes later where Clancy Bouvier was sleeping at the couch in the TV room.

"Hey dad!" Homer said to Clancy Bouvier as he woke up.

"Don't ever call me that dumbass! Why did Marge ever married you?"

"Uh huh. Well, there's a surprise for you in the living room.

The fat man and the old man walked towards a living room where everything is dark. Suddenly the lights turned on and everyone said, "SURPRISE!"

"AHH!" Clancy Bouvier said as he felt pain in his chest. "I think I have an heart attack."  
"This is the eighth time! Will a present calm you down daddy?" Marge said.

"Are they communists that I can shoot at?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"No. It's a tie."

"AHH!" Clancy Bouvier screamed in pain.

* * *

"Your father is going to be alright Marge." Doctor Hibbert said as Clancy Bouvier was on a bed surrounded by The Simpsons and The Bouviers. "This is the eight heart attack though."

"Eight heart attack? How did his first heart attack came." Bart said.

"Yeah. What caused his first one?" Lisa asked.

"Hmmmm..." All the adults said as they remembered what happened.

* * *

In the past of 1982.

A younger Homer and Marge stepped into the Bouvier's house.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Clancy Bouvier asked as he was surrounded by his family.

"Good news! I've married your daughter!"

"Ahh!" Clancy Bouvier said as he had a heart attack.

"Also, she's pregnant." Homer said.

"AHHHH!"

"I also gambled your luck bat." Homer said again.

"Why... You... ERR!" Clancy Bouvier said in both pain and anger.

"I won the gamble though... " Homer said as Clancy Bouvier calmed down. "Then I lost it to a team of bikers."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT HURTS!" Clancy Bouvier burst words from his mouth in anger as he fell to the ground.

"Don't worry dad! I'll help you!" Homer said to his father-in-law as Clancy Bouvier looked at him.

"Jacqueline! I want you to promise something for me!" Clancy Bouvier said to his wife.

"What is it my love? I'll promise anything you say." Jacqueline said.

"If I die on my deathbed. Promise that you will kill the fat dumbass. I mean it!" Clancy Bouvier said.

* * *

"And I'm still keeping that promise, even if we are divorced." Jacqueline said as she was sharpening a knife.

"You should have seen his face, boy." Homer laughed. "He was more surprised than anyone in his family."

"Your one poor jackass, Grandpa!" Bart laughed at him.

"Bart! Your Grandpa just had an heart attack and..." Marge argued until Clancy Bouvier interrupted her.

"I'll take it from here." Clancy Bouvier said. "Since fat dumbass and rude dumbass won't be good by discipline, yelling, or even having a talk..."

"Your talk sounds more like yelling too, you know." Homer interrupted.

"Shut up! Anyway, you're going to have to pay five dollars for all the bad things you did starting on what happened now..."

"What? You can't make me..." Homer said as he stopped as he and Bart saw Clancy Bouvier staring at him with a mean look in his eye. "Okay..."

"Good..." Clancy Bouvier said as he had ten dollars in his hand.

"Hey Grandpa! Can I have ten dollars for the new Malibu Stacy doll?" Lisa asked.

"Sure sweetie." Clancy Bouvier said as he handed the same ten dollars to Lisa.

"What?" Bart said.

"This is life boys. Now get out of here or I'll raise the price." Clancy Bouvier yelled at them.

"You tell it to them dad." Selma and Patty laughed with a smile.

"Yep. Still, I'm not calmed down a bit. Does anyone have a rifle?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"You want to shoot Communists again... don't you?" Marge sighed.

"No. I want to turn off the lights. I need some sleep to dream of shooting Communists but with a jetpack..." Clancy Bouvier said.

* * *

"Everything looks great!" Marc said as he is inside of Ralph's body (Just in case you forgot or didn't notice. Marc is a machine possessing Ralph's body but doesn't have full control).

"Is this a lab? I think it needs more TV screens and cartoons!" Ralph said as he took control again in an underground Lab under Ralph's house.

"How do you keep taking control over and over?" Marc yelled to Ralph.

"Look, if I don't get any cartoons in this Lab than I'm going to pick my nose and put a booger in my..."

"You wouldn't dare to put that booger in your, more like our...!" Marc said.

"Yes I would!" Ralph said as he picked his nose and pulled it out with a booger on it.

"No you wouldn't! Stop it! I command you!" Marc demanded for Ralph to stop but he just kept on continuing. "No... No... NOOO!"

3 minutes later.

"I cleaned it out and was hard too because of how sticky and tiny that booger was." Marc said as he came back to our lab. "Anyway, you got your cartoons."

"Yay!" Ralph said as he was watching Yogi Bear on the TV screen.

"Anyway Ralph. I have just finished our first invention within this Lab. Meet REM and DIM." Marc said as he introduced two robots the size of a First Grader with a Tin Can head and body, cone shaped arms that are attached to the body by steel cables, and red eyes. "REM is an acronym for Robotic Engineer Machine and DIM is an acronym for Deployable Intel Machine."

"What's the difference." Ralph said.

"Good question my dumb friend. They both have weapons to guard and attack and the same child-size shape and size but REM is for helping me repair and build this lab while DIM is undercover to gather information about the humans. After that I will unleash a software capable of turning a dark future where robots will destroy humanity!"

"Why not just go to the library? You're in my human body." Ralph said.

"Strangely, you said something smart but I must stay here to work on the software I was talking about. Anyway, let's turn these babies on!" Marc said as he activated the two.

"System online." The two robots said.

"REM and DIM. Can you hear me?" Marc said.

"YES SIR... WE CAN HEAR YOU FINE..." DIM and REM said in a boy and girl robot-like voice.

"Good. First I want you to..."

"Go get me some ice cream!" Ralph interrupted.

"YES SIR I WILL... Ice Cream! Yay!" The two robots said as there robot-like voices changed to kid-like voices and REM's eyes changed to pink eyes and DIM's eyes changed to green eyes. "Ice Cream! Ice Cream! Ice Cream!"

"What the?... What the?... What the heck is going on here!" Marc said as the two robots were watching cartoons. "Something must've happen when I was building them. But what?"

Three hours ago in the past.

"Hey Ralph. I need to recharge. Don't do anything stupid. These robots need to be completed so again! DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!" Marc yelled as he shut himself down.

"These robots look like they will take a long time to finish..." Ralph said as he was holding a plate of toast and bubble gum in his hand. "I'll just finish them quicker so I can..."

"Who's that fat boy!" DIM yelled at the flashback in his boy-like voice.

"My name is Ralph." Ralph said.

"Is that us in the background!" REM said to the flashback with her girl-like voice.

"Yeah... Can you go away for a second? I'm trying to build this toaster. It's a toaster right?" Ralph asked to himself.

Later, Ralph picked up the screw driver and started to build the robot faster until suddenly he dropped large toast crumbs and bubble gum inside of their head and...

"What kind of toast is it?" DIM interrupted the flashback again.

"It's normal toast. Your more annoying than me." Ralph said.

"Hey narrator! Narrator! Narrator! NARRATOR!" REM screamed.

WHAT!

"Hi!" REM said to the angry narrator.

"Anyway, I dropped the large crumbs of toast and bubble gum in the machine and ignored it. Now are we done with the flashback!" Ralph said in an serious angry tone which is unusual.

"Hi!" REM said to him.

* * *

"That's what happened." Ralph explained.

"So these robots are dumb! Do you know how hard it is to take out gum out of machines?" Marc yelled at him.

"...3 minutes?" Ralph said.

"That was a rhetorical question!" Marc yelled at Ralph from the inside. "Now what am I'm going to do? I'm inside of an idiot and you've just created two more idiots. Strange... Ralph created something... Anyway, I can't have two more idiots. What am I suppose to do?"

Later at the Simpsons house.

"Coming! Coming!" Bart said as he opened the door to see Ralph.

"I ate glue again." Ralph said.

"Good for you. Solve that possessed machine problem yet?" Bart said.

"Not really..."

"Let me talk!" Marc yelled to Ralph from the inside. "Hello little... boy. Do you like an actual robot that you can have in your control?"

"Yeah? Why not?" Bart said.

"Good! Here's DIM. Bye bye!" Marc as he was about to leave as he threw DIM into his house.

"Hey! Ralph, Marc, or whoever is possessing your body now."

"What is it now?" Marc said.

"What does he do?" Bart asks.

"How would I know. He's retarded... I mean mysterious. Anyway, I'll comeback if I need him for a mission. He's still going to have to be with you even if the mission he did is done. Also, no one can't find out about this!" Marc said as he left.

"So your name is DIM?" Bart said.

"MY NAME IS DIM! but I actually wanted to be called Samantha!" DIM said.

"Aren't you a boy robot?"

"Pretty much! I wish I was called Sarah though..."

"You said that you wanted to be called Samantha." Bart said.

"I didn't say that. I said I wanted to become Will Smith. Who's Will Smith? WILL SMITH! I like Pizza." DIM said.

"..." Bart stood still.

* * *

Bart picked up his skateboard and was about to step outside until an angry Lisa came.

"Hey Bart. Who's this little toy?" Lisa said in anger as she was covered in ink along with DIM.

"That thing? That's DIM, a robot. Ralph's evil side gave it to me." Bart said.

"DIM? A robot?" Lisa laughed. "It's kind of funny because even though his evil side created it, it feels like that Ralph is the one who created an invention if you imagine it without Marc talking. Anyway, that's not the point. I have to tell mom and dad about this."

"No you won't!" Bart said.

"Why not?" Lisa asked.

"Because Ralph's evil side or Marc said that he can't be noticed by the public." Bart said.

"He's not wearing a disguise right now."

"That's the point. They'll probably think he's in a robot costume. Also, I'll give you 5 bucks if you won't tell."

"Robot? What robot?" Lisa said with a smile as he took the five bucks and walked away.

"Hey? What are you doing DIM?" Bart said as DIM was wearing a Teddy Bear costume.

"I have to wear it for disguise! Plus, I look so cute in it!" DIM said.

"Take it off!"

"Okay!" DIM said as he tore the costume into two.

Bart and DIM stepped out of the house and suddenly people were going crazy.

"AHH! THE MACHINES ARE REVOLTING! HELP! HELP!" People all over Springfield said as they saw the robot.

"Wear the costume..." Bart said.

* * *

Everyone was in Third Grade playing around, eating snacks, and causing messes but than stopped as Ms. Hoover came.

"Hello class. I've been sick for the past weeks but I feel more better and..."

"Who is this? Where's that teacher where he was called the substitute?" Marc said inside of Ralph's mind.

"I'm..."

"WHO!"

"I'm..."

"WHO!"

"I'm..."

"WHO!"

"For crying out loud I'm..."

"WHO"

"MY NAME IS MS. HOOVER RALPH!" Ms. Hoover yelled out loud.

"My name is Marc. Anyway, WHO!"

"What's wrong with you this time?" Ms. Hoover said.

"There's a robot inside of Ralph's head and already forgotten who you were." Lisa said.

"Yeah!" Every kid in the classroom said.

"You kids kind of annoy me you know. First you said that babysitters control a corrupt company, there's a missile somewhere in Springfield Gorge, and that Mr. Nental is a crazy psychopath. What's the next? Bart get's A's on his tests?" Ms. Hoover said.

"But Ms. Hoover. There really is an evil machine in Ralph's brain." Lisa said.

"No there isn't." Marc said.

"What's with your voice, forgetting who's Ms. Hoover, and that you hacked into the school's camera system."

"Uh... No I didn't." Marc said as he waved his eyes forth.

Marc pressed a button on his watch and suddenly a camera detached from the ceiling and hit Lisa on the head.

"This place is falling apart..." Ms. Hoover said.

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I have here a robot who actually likes to eat human food. Meet DIM!" Bart said as he took off the sheet from the cage during show and tell.

"Where is it?" Milhouse as the cage was revealed to be destroyed.

"Oh boy..."

"F, Bart." Ms. Krabappel said to him.

Suddenly the bell ring as Bart was angry over the grade.

"Come on. Krabappel. Change the grade to at least an C!" Bart begged to his teacher.

"Sorry, but you shouldn't make lies about an imaginary friend named DIM, Bart." Ms. Krabappel said. "Now go to lunch."

* * *

"I can't believe that DIM just ran off like that." Bart said as he was in the line inside the cafeteria.

"I believe you Bart." Milhouse said.

"You do?"

"Yeah. One time I saw Bigfoot but then found out it was a guy in a costume who actually had a big foot."  
"I wonder where's DIM anyway..." Bart said until he heard large noises.

"GIVE ME SOME OF THAT!" A robot yelled at children as he was stealing lunch from there trays.

"Do you believe me guys?" Bart said.

"How do I know it's a kid wearing one of those not-very-advance cyborg arms." Nelson said.

"Hey? I just notice something guys." Martin said.

"What is it Martin?" Bart said as he saw DIM continuously eating the cafeteria food.

"I think that robot can actually eat the food in this cafeteria." Martin said.

"That is strange." Bart said.

"I know. Robots shouldn't feel or taste."

"Not that. I mean the food at school sucks. Who would want to eat this dump?" Bart argued.

"Hey Bart! Hand us over your lunch money and we promise that you only get half the pain of a punch today." Jimbo said as Dolph and Kearney came.

"Uh... DIM!" Bart yelled as DIM came. "DIM defend your master from these bullies."

"I have two masters?" DIM said as he thought that Bart and Ralph are his masters now. "YES SIR!"

Suddenly missiles, machine guns, lasers, flamethrowers, crossbows, and tentacles suddenly appeared out of his body as his eyes turned red.

"PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED HUMAN... Hey! Pizza! My favorite food!" DIM said as he shutdown his weapon system, his eyes turned from Red to Green and left Bart defenseless all for a slice of pizza.

"We were actually afraid for a moment Bart. Now that your robot buddy is gone, let's start by stuffing your head with dirt and worms." Jimbo laughed.

* * *

Bart entered his house depressed and injured all because of his dumb robot friend.

"I'm sorry master." DIM said to Bart.

"Sorry is not good enough. Why don't you just go watch a cartoon or something. Just leave me alone." Bart said as he went upstairs to his room.

DIM went to the TV room and saw Homer focusing at the TV.

"Hi Human! I'm a robot gathering info. I'm on a break right now!" DIM said with a smile.

"Yeah yeah. You can stay here for a while Milhouse." Homer said as he didn't look at him.

"What are we watching?" DIM asks.

"Survivor? Why are you here Martin?" Homer said as he again mistakes DIM for another of Bart's friends.

"Nachos!" DIM said.

"Sure. Take some but not all or I'll strangle you Nelson." Homer said angrily.

DIM and Homer picked up some nachos and took a bite. They then both said, "Mmm... Nachos..."

"I'm betting that Rick would win the next contest." Homer said.

"Me too!" DIM said.

"DOH!" Homer and DIM said as the contestant, Rick, lost the contest

"Well the show is over I need a beer." Homer said.

"I need to check on my communication system." DIM said.

"Well good luck for you Ralph... Wait a minute... I forgot to buy a pack of beer! Were all out!... Oh yeah and that guy is actually a robot... A ROBOT! AHH!" Homer screamed.

"I'm a robot? AHH!" DIM screamed

After the three hour screaming, Bart was now filled with joy and walked down the stairs and saw his whole family in front of him.

"What's up Homer?" Bart said.

"What's up? Have you been keeping a robot in this house?" Homer said.

"Yeah? Why?" Bart said.

"This robot is dangerous. He has rockets, weapons, and there's ink all over me." Marge said.

"There was ink all over me too... Strange..." Lisa said.

"Look. The robot has to stay with me, because I promise to Ralph that I kept it here unless he's needed for a mission." Bart said.

"Okay. But can you tell the full story?" Marge said.

"Sure." Bart answered. "Ralph came to my door step and needed a place for DIM to crash. I said okay and then he left. Then he acted annoying and I hid him in the basement."

"I don't know if I should believe that..." Homer said. "What's DIM's story?"

"I'll tell you everything!" DIM said.

* * *

This is what happened. Wait? Am I the Narrator. Yay! DIM is the narrator! Anyway, my other master Marc or Ralph came to the door and knocked on it to see Bart.

"Hello Agent Ralph." Agent Bart said as he was in an tuxedo and sunglasses.

"Hello to you again Agent Bart. I am here to send you product DIM. A robot capable of weapons, communication, gathering Intel, and has a great love for pizza." Agent Ralph said as he was also wearing a tuxedo and sunglasses.

"Robot you say. He has a love for pizza, right?" Agent Bart said.

"Yes and communication, weapons, and..."

"But a love for pizza right?"

"Yes. Here's the package." Agent Ralph said. "Anyway, I got to go back to the underworld and kill some aliens from the mythology of Antarctica."

"Hold on a minute!" The real Lisa interrupted in reality. "What does aliens, the underworld, and Antarctica has to do with this?"

I'm telling the story!

"Fine..." The real Lisa in reality said as she stopped interrupting.

Where was I... anyway Bart opened the package revealing DIM the Terminator.

"What's going on, Bart?" Agent Lisa said as she saw Terminator-101 AKA DIM in front of her.

"Enemy sighted. Hasta La Vista Baby." DIM said as he aimed a grenade launcher towards her and blow her into pieces.

"You do realize that was a clone?" Agent Lisa clone 04.

"Whatever." Agent Bart said as suddenly large noises came outside.

They all ran outside and saw a giant "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" mascot walking that look like Homer Simpson.

"Quick. We need to cross the beams." DIM the Terminator said as he had Ghostbusters technology.

"What the heck is going on?" Agent Bart said as he and Agent Lisa Clone 04 thought that DIM's story was completely stupid.

"Just cross the beams if you want to live!" DIM the Terminator said

"FINE!" Agent Bart and Agent Lisa yelled at DIM the Terminator as they used Ghostbusters Technology to cross the beams destroying the huge monster.

Suddenly a giant rabbit appeared out of nowhere and squashed Agent Bart and Agent Lisa Clone 04. The End.

* * *

"That plot made no sense." Bart said as DIM's story sounded wrong.

"Sounds real to me." Homer said.

"Somehow, DIM makes Homer look like the smart one." Lisa said.

"Yep. Well, if you're going to stay with us... then you have to work for us. You can help us around the house." Marge said.

* * *

The Simpsons were at the dinner table as DIM was waiting for dinner.

"Okay, I made chicken for dinner, except for you DIM. You can eat oil and nails." Marge said as she handed him a plate of oil and nails.

"I... I don't wanna eat this!" DIM whined.

"He even acts like a baby..." Homer sighed.

"He is only one years old and the size of a first grader." Bart said as DIM continued to whine.

"I don't care. Just stop it DIM or else!" Homer yelled at DIM as he made his eyes bigger with tears coming out. "What... don't look at me with that cute said face... Fine... but you can't eat human food than."

"Fine." DIM said.

"I don't get it." Lisa said.

"What do you mean Lisa?" Marge said.

"Not only the robot can mysteriously eat and digest food but it has feelings and can cry. How is that possibly?" Lisa said insanely.

"I thought of something I can eat!" DIM said.

"What is it?" Homer said.

"This!" DIM said as he opened his mouth very wide and lifted the dinner table and began to swallow it whole as the plates fell off with the human food.

Suddenly the Simpsons saw their food on the ground.

"I didn't eat human food!" DIM smiled. "BURP!"

As DIM burped again a piece of wood came out of his mouth and on the ground. Suddenly everyone was silent after DIM eating the table. DIM than picked up a napkin and wiped his mouth.

"Thank you for the meal." DIM said as he walked off.

Suddenly a ball of ink appeared out of nowhere and hit Homer's face.

* * *

Bart came to the door again after hearing the doorbell ringing again.

"Who is this time." Bart said as he opened the door revealing Ralph. "What do you want? Is it a mission for DIM?"

"Actually no. I just came here to show DIM's IQ test." Marc said within Ralph's body.

"IQ test?" Lisa said as she heard the word test. "What's the robot's IQ. 43, 34, 53?"

"I'm afraid it's worst. More worst than this body's IQ." Marc said.

"That's it Marc. You get the punishment!" Ralph said as he took a knife and was about to give Marc pain by cutting his hand off.

"7?" Bart suggested as Ralph suddenly forgot what to do.

"It's -21." Marc answered.

"That's pretty low." Lisa said.

"No. Pretty low is 43. Damn low would be -21." Marc said. "Anyway, I'm leaving. Bye Bye!"

"Hey kids!" Homer said with a smile. "Were going to pick up a gift from my half-brother Herbert in Colorado."

"Herbert finally contacts you?" Lisa said. "Isn't that good?"

"Yep... and to stay away from that idiot machine..." Homer whispered. "Anyway, let's all go get some ice-cream for a celebration that Herbert finally contacted me."

"YAY!" DIM said as he suddenly appeared in between the group.

"Sorry DIM, but your... going to... uh... guard the house from... um... criminals and unwanted strangers." Homer said.

"Fine... But can you bring me some ice cream when you come back!" DIM said.

"eh... maybe..." Homer said.

* * *

Three hours later.

The Simpsons enter the house to see that there furniture was all robbed and DIM was sleeping on the ground.

"DIM!" Homer yelled at him.

"YES SIR! Do you got any ice-cream for me?" DIM said.

"No! What happened here?" Homer said.

"I can explain everything!" DIM said.

Two hours ago in the past...

DIM continually was walking in circles until suddenly Snake came into the door with Police Chief Wiggum Master Key.

"Stilling that Master Key was a good idea." Snake told himself.

"Who are you?" DIM said with a smile.

"This is a robbery. Are you the only one here?" Snake asked him.

"Yes and... INTRUDERS MUST ALL BE DESTROYED!" DIM said as he activated his weapon system causing different types of weapons to appear from his body and his eyes to turn red.

"Where's the TV?" Snake said.

"It's right over there." DIM pointed towards the TV room as he turned off his weapons system and his eyes turned back to green. "I feel kind of sleepy..."

* * *

"And that's what happened." DIM said.

"Another one of your fairy tale stories?" Homer said angrily.

"Uh... dad... I think he may be telling the truth." Lisa said.

"I thought you wouldn't get angry." DIM said.

"Why wouldn't I get angry DIM?" Homer said angrily.

"This is the version where I didn't rip his arm off." DIM said as he showed Snake's ripped-off arm.

"AHH!" The Simpsons screamed.

"Got you!" DIM laughed. "This is actually a fake. I love pranks."

"Just go to the living room now! Will have to set some rules when we come there." Homer yelled at him.

"Okay..." DIM said sadly as he entered the living room by breaking through the wall.

* * *

The next day, The Simpsons were picking there luggage as DIM watched.

"Now DIM. Don't destroy anything when were gone." Homer said as he left the house and into his car with his family. "... I forgot my wallet..."

Homer entered the house and saw the house in ruins as DIM was just standing there normal as if he didn't do anything.

"Yeahh... I think you're going to have to come with us so you won't... cause any trouble with the neighbors..." Homer said as he slowly looked at the damage.

Later on the road to Colorado.

"I'm bored, dad. I were there yet?" Bart said.

"No son."

"I got an idea! I'll sing a song to break the boredom!" DIM said.

"Oh no..." Lisa said to herself.

"LA LA LA LA!" DIM sang horribly.

Seven days later.

"LA LA LA LA!" DIM sang continuously seven days straight as the Simpsons were going insane.

"I'm going to shut that junk for good and..." Homer said until Lisa interrupted him.

"Hey dad! Were in the right town!" Lisa said as the Simpsons were now in a town on the Rocky Mountains.

"Finally!" Bart said.

"This calls for a celebration! I'll sing!" DIM said.

"NO!" All the Simpsons yelled at him.

* * *

"Okay DIM. If you're going to stay with us for a while, you're going to have to listen to what I say." Bart said.

"Okay little DIM. I wonder if DIM comes from Dimwit." Lisa said. "Anyway listen to us."

"YES MY MASTERS... A butterfly!" DIM smiled as his red eyes suddenly changed to green again.

"Hey little dorks." A Colorado Version of Jimbo said as he was hanging out with Colorado Version's of Dolph and Kearney.

"This must be there cousins..." Bart said.

"So you know our cousins in the state of... I don't remember, but anyway, hand all of your money, snacks, and whatever you have that's interesting." Colorado Jimbo said.

"This is your time to shine DIM." Bart said.

"Time to shine? Am I on American Idol?" DIM said.

"No. I mean beat these kids up..." Bart said.

"YES SIR!" DIM said as he activated his weapon system. "YOU MUST ALL DIE!"

"Die?" Lisa said as DIM chased the Colorado Bullies with his weapons of violent destruction.

"At least he's chasing those bullies away." Bart said as DIM just released a missile from his metallic stomach and almost hit Colorado Dolph.

"You got to stop that Bart! We could all go to jail for this. That robot was suppose to attack with his knuckles not his weapons that can destroy entire civilizations!"

"Your right Lisa. DIM! Here's some pizza!" Bart yelled.

"Ooh pizza!" DIM said as he turned off his weapon system and swiped the pizza.

Later near the bank.

"Okay DIM. Instead of stopping people with violence, how about warning them first and then you can attack them but not kill them." Lisa said. "Are you listening to me?"

"What? I was chasing the butterfly again." DIM said as suddenly two bank robbers appeared ran out of the bank.

"We need a car to steal!" A tall bank robber said.

"Stop right there!" DIM said to them as there were near the sidewalk. "You have to wait until the cars stop for the red light."

"Uh... yeah. Do you know a car we can... borrow?" The short bank robber asked.

"Yeah! Right over there!" DIM pointed to a pink car.

"Thanks kid!" Both of the robbers said as they hijacked the car and rode off.

"Uh DIM." Bart said.

"Yes master?" DIM said.

"Not only did you let a bunch of robbers get away, they hijacked HOMER'S car!"

"What did you say?" DIM said as he was chasing a butterfly in circles again.

"I can't take this anymore..." Bart said as suddenly a ball of ink hit him in the face out of nowhere.

* * *

"I got the gift. I'm lucky that I was able to get the car still." Homer said as he, his family, and DIM was riding in his own car except that it was burned, had large dents, bullet holes, and a dead body stuck in the trunk.

"I'm going to sing the LA LA song." DIM said until Homer interrupted.

"You! You happened to be more trouble than Bart!" Homer yelled at him. "If you want to stay in this car than shut up or I'll replace your robot parts with a drunken hobo body parts! I bet that drunken hobo can even do better than you without even replacing your parts."

"Never seen Homer angry like this..." Bart thought.

"Can I at least..." DIM said.

"NO!" Homer yelled at DIM until he suddenly the car fell of the cliffs of the Rockies as he was distracted.

"AHH!" The Simpsons said while DIM said "WEE!" with a smile as if it was a ride.

Suddenly they were stuck in the rocks and dead trees near the cliff.

"We better get out of here." Marge said as the car was upside down.

Suddenly DIM manage to get out easily as he was made of metal and wires instead of skin and bones. The little robot than broke the doors open and pulled out Bart, Lisa, and Maggie out of the car.

"Your turn!" DIM said as he pulled out Marge but Homer was hard to pull out because of his heavy weight. "How much do you weigh?"

"I haven't check my weight for a long time." Homer said as he was dragged out instead of pulled out by DIM.

"Even I know you should lose weight." DIM said.

"Yeah but still, you saved my life. You're not bad after all." Homer said.

"Really? I saved a life!" DIM screamed as he threw Homer into the air with happiness as Homer landed below the cliffs of the Rockies.

"I'm... okay..." Homer said as suddenly his car felled off the cliff and landed on Homer. "I'm still... okay... Who am I kidding... HELP! HELP!"

* * *

At Springfield Hospital.

"Are we equal pops?" Homer said to Clancy Bouvier as they were both in the same rooms on their bed.

"After dirtying up my daughter? No way! Who's this little fellow anyway?" Clancy Bouvier said as he saw DIM.

"He's the guy who irritated, saved, and injured Homer." Bart said.

"Anyone who injures Homer is a friend of mine." Clancy Bouvier said as he put out his hand to him.

"Uh... Gramps... I rather not give the robot a hand shake because..." Homer said but it was too late.

DIM suddenly had a handshake with the man, but the next minute. he was flying into the sky and landing in the middle of a sport's game.

"He's funny!" DIM said.

"So what do we do to him?" Bart said.

"Since he save my life. Let's give him great respect in our family." Homer said.

* * *

"You have to hide here DIM." Bart said as he tied him to the wall with cables made of steel with his family.

"Why? Is it a game! I love games!" DIM said.

"It's called hide and seek. You can hide and we seek." Bart said as he covered DIM with an large steel box on the wall.

"That should take care of him. He won't cause anymore problems now." Homer said as Bart covered the box with cement.

Suddenly another ball of ink hit Homer in the face causing him to be angry again.

"Who keeps on throwing ink at people?" Homer said.

"Haw-Haw!" Nelson said in the basement right behind the family.

"How did you got in here?" Marge asked.

"The front door is open." Nelson said.

* * *

(Futurama Extra Scene)

Later in the 30th Century.

"I think I heard noises in the ancient suburban home." Fry said as he looked at a dusty cement steel box. "Hey Bender. Can you open this?"

"Sure thing pal." Bender said as he, Leela, Prof. Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Amy, and Hermes came to the box stuck to the wall.

Bender used his mighty arms to open the box and he did revealing a small robot who landed on the ground.

"Looks old and dead. Oh well... Who wants pizza? I'm buying." Fry said.

"PIZZA!" DIM yelled as he heard his favorite food during his activation.

"And so the curse of DIM the robot AKA an machine who annoys people caused New New York to explode as DIM annoyed every galaxy he came into contact. The... END!" The narrator screamed as he was reading a book about DIM.

"Hey? Who are you?" DIM said as he appeared out of nowhere.

"No! No! You can't be real! Your just a fictional character!" The narrator said.

"LA LA LA LA!" DIM sang horribly.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THE SONG!" The Narrator screamed..

"The end!" DIM smiled.

* * *

(Note: DIM is based on another robot. I will not tell you but I have gave you many hints about DIM. Also, DIM might return in my little fanfiction series. He won't return all the time or it will mess up that Simpson feel. He might have lot's of cameos though.)


	20. My Name Is

Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch but as they sit on it they hear the words, "I want to play a game." Suddenly a bunch of torture tools come out of nowhere. (A Saw Couch Gag)

Ralph's The Word: "Super Nintendo Chalmers likes to date slugs." Ralph said.

"Actually, it's slut..." Ralph's evil voice or Marc said within Ralph's mind.

* * *

Principle Skinner was walking in the school hallways as he was smiling.

"Everything seems great for once. The children seem more quiet. Strange..." Skinner said as the children were shivering next to Mr. Nental who was holding a dead raccoon behind his back.

"The lockers look less dirty." Skinner looked through the lockers because the school wasn't able to afford locks. "What else... Huh? What are all you doing here?"

"We demand a new mascot!" A bunch of children said.

"What? You don't like our old puma mascot? What's wrong with it?" Skinner said.

"We did like the puma mascot at first but then you put a more baby-pink-cartoon version on the football uniforms." Nelson said.

"Why not just keep the old mascot but change it into another version of it. How about a fairy princess puma or an puppet puma?"

"No way. Plus the puma mascot is not giving enough school spirit." Martin said.

"SKINNER! What are all these children doing here?" Super-Intendment Chalmers said.

"They demand a new mascot." Skinner answered.

"Why not give them one? This school is a joke. Except for Mr. Nental's class, strangely even Bart is getting good grades. It's as if someone is forcing them... but how?" Super-Intendment Chalmers said as he and Skinner turned around to Mr. Nental carrying a bloody chainsaw. "What are you doing with that?"

"Uh... Giving it back to Willie. He likes chopping wood as he choppity chop chop and chop more and more... causing pain to those trees as each part of the life is fallen to the ground as life is stripped away from the plants and... I mean have a good day..." Mr. Nental said.

"Oh okay. What a nice man."

* * *

"A new mascot... what can encouraged Springfield Elementary to have a more greater football team?" Skinner said as he was sitting on a bench near at the front yard of the school during recess.

Suddenly Skinner spotted an animal walking on the sidewalk.

"Hmm..." Skinner said as he saw an hideous dog that looks like he drank too much alcohol.

"WHat are... you looking at... you 'BLEEP!' and 'BLEEP!' The drunken bull dog spoke. (Incase you haven't notice. The "BLEEP!" is censoring the curse words.)

"That attitude of yours is not good and... did you just talked?" Skinner said.

"Of... course I did you 'BLEEP'. Get me some... more beer you failure piece of 'BLEEP'."

"Your perfect!" Skinner said as he grabbed the dog.

"Hey let... me go you son of a 'BLEEP!'." The dog spoke.

Suddenly Ralph came by.

"Hmm... That's strange." Ralph's evil side or Marc said. "I just thought he was here ago. That new test subject is cursing a lot with his rate of being drunk more than a human or Barney Gumble and to talk. Not only that he can do a lot of other things like walk as a Zo... I shouldn't waste anytime..."

"That dog thinks I'm a steak." Ralph's normal voice said.

* * *

"Class. We have a new student. Meet... whatever your name is." Edna Krabappel said.

"My name is..." The kid with sunglasses, black hair, and a red t-shirt said until Skinner interrupted him as he ran into the classroom.

"Class! We have a new mascot!" Skinner said as he showed them the drunken cursing dog who likes to drink booze.

"He's so cute!" The children said.

"Put me down or I'll crush every one of you with my small little cute paws!" The drunken dog said.

* * *

Later at a football game.

The new football team called the Mad Canines of Springfield Elementary won a football game against the children from Shelbyville Elementary.

"That was a great game." Nelson said as he was still on the baseball field.

"We should thank the new mascot." Bart said. "Where is he anyway?"

"AHH! He's biting my leg!" Milhouse said in pain as the new mascot was trying to rip his leg off.

"I told you that I will crush every one of you!" The dog spoke as the coach pulled the dog off of Milhouse's leg and all the children were surrounding the dog.

"What should we call him?" Louis said.

"We could call him Fluffy." Martin said.

"That's not a bad idea Martin." Nelson agreed.

"Fluffy!" The drunken dog said. "I'm going to burn everyone of your houses... as soon as I found out where you all live... Oh forget it, I'm taking the easy way..."

Suddenly the drunken dog attacked Milhouse again.

* * *

Nelson was walking on the streets with the other bullies as they were smiling.

"You know what guys." Nelson said as he saw an old man drinking beer from a six pack. "Let's celebrate that football game by stealing that guy's wallet and other possessions."

"Sure." Jimbo said as he and the other three bullies were walking to the old man and standing near him whistling.

Suddenly Nelson swiped the wallet, Jimbo swipe his watch, Kearney swiped his keys, and Dolph swiped the six pack. Suddenly the old man easily grabbed all four of the bullies.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The old man said.

"Hey... Aren't you Bart's other grandpa. Clancy Bouvier or something?" Jimbo said.

"Yeah? Give back my stuff or else." Clancy Bouvier said as he was showing a mean look to them.

"Or what? Call our parents?" Dolph laughed.

"Call your parents? Telling by your attitude, your parents don't seem to teach you a thing. You're going to do some hard labor or else!" Clancy Bouvier said.

"Again with the 'else'?. What are you going to do if we don't do your work?" Nelson said.

"Then I'm going to beat the hell out of you. Not spank you with a stick like people did back than but twist your bones, punch you in the gut, and kick you in the face if you don't do any WORK!" Clancy Bouvier yelled at them in an serious anger tone.

"O...o...okay..." Nelson said as he was a little scared of him.

Later at the Simpson's house at the garage.

Clancy Bouvier was fixing a car he just bought as Nelson, Kearney, Dolph, and Jimbo were mowing the lawn and painting the house.

"Dang it! I'm the only old man who can drive a car and I can't fix this old thing!" Clancy Bouvier said as suddenly the car was smoking steam again.

"What's going on there Bouvier? You know I happen to be a friend and enemy of your son." Nelson said.

"Who the heck cares about my grandson?" Clancy Bouvier said in a mean tone.

"Your more mean than my old man." Jimbo said.

"I think I can help." Nelson said as he grabbed a wrench and went near the car.

"Hey you better not..." Clancy Bouvier said until the smoke suddenly disappeared after Nelson fixed the car.

Suddenly Clancy Bouvier looked at Nelson and heard the words, "Hallelujah!, Hallelujah!, Hallelujah!" singing in his head and said, "My god! One of Bart's friends is actually not useless. Do you know how to fix the pipes of a sink."

"I guess so..." Nelson said.

"Good!"

* * *

A bunch of children stepped out of the bus as they were outside and in front of a Slaughterhouse.

"Other kids get historical monuments. We have to go to a violent Slaughterhouse..." The kid with the sunglasses said.

"Hey what's your name again?" Bart said.

"My name is..."

"Hey Bart. Your grandpa is not so bad." Nelson said.

"You mean Abe? He's always telling false stories and..."

"I didn't meant him. I meant your other grandpa. Bouvier." Nelson said.

"Your joking right?" Bart laughed. "He's tough enough to beat and scare away Rainier Wolfcastle and Drederick Tatum."

"What about Mr. Nental?" Nelson asked.

"You know, I never thought of that. Anyway, you really have lost your cool and look less of a bully and more of a princess." Bart said as the other children laughed a little and agreed.

"You know Simpson. I just thought of something. I thought your grandpa was all mean because of those wars he had, but I figured it's because of you and your father acting lazy in bed, eating snacks all day, and over and over again."

"Well... dang it!" Bart said as the children laughed a little more at Bart Simpson than Nelson.

* * *

Three hours later in the Slaughter House.

Children were stepping out of the Slaughter House as they felt sick and disgusted.

"Don't you think that was a great field trip?" Mr. Nental to the children as he saw them throwing up. "Your all no fun. What about you teachers?"

Mr. Nental also saw them throwing up. A few seconds, the tour guide came to them.

"Well, I see you like the slaughter house." The tour guide spoke as the children and the teachers were still throwing up. "Anyway, we just have one more thing to see."

The tour guide lead the children and teachers to a small barn. Suddenly the children were surprised as they saw baby pigs, chicks, and sheep's in little cages.

"What the heck is this?" Martin said.

"There little baby animals getting ready to be chopped off to dinner."

"I wouldn't eat this! Probably not any animal!" Bart said.

"Whatever." The Tour Guide said. "Anyway, the tour is over. Bye bye now."

* * *

Bart and a bunch of boys were walking to the Slaughterhouse at nighttime with a truck.

"Thanks kid for letting us borrow three of your dads truck." Bart said to the kid with sunglasses as he, Nelson, and Milhouse were driving the truck.

"Yeah." The kid with sunglasses said from the ground.

"By the way. What's your name?" Milhouse said as he was having a hard time using the truck.

"My name is..."

"Can we hurry it up!" Nelson said as the boys put the baby animals into the truck.

"Now for the other farm animals." Milhouse said.

"I thought it was just the baby animals." Louis said.

"Nope." Bart answered. "Anyway, we got all the animals. We need a place to hide all of them, but where?"

* * *

Apu pulled out his keys and inserted it into the Kwik-E-Mart. Suddenly he dropped his jaws as he saw children and farm animals.

"What is going on here?" Apu said.

"Were just hiding all these animals from the Slaughterhouse." Bart explained.

"From the Slaughterhouse? Plus, how were you able to fit all the animals from there into this small store? There's more than thirty of these." Apu said.

"We found an underground cave filled with all these strange looking cigars under this Kwik-E-Mart." Bart said.

"You found my Marijuana and alcohol stash... I mean how dare you bring these animals in." Apu said.

"I thought Hindu's love animals." Martin said.

"Your talking about Jainism. I love cows not animals that stink and eat all the time." Apu said.

"Fine. I guess we have no other option." Bart said.

A four minutes later Apu was tied to a chair and throwing into the closet.

"Sorry Apu, but this is for the best." Bart said as he shut the door.

"You can't save those animals forever. Oh and Thank you. Please come again." Apu said.

"Anyway, we should barricade the doors. Lots of people should come to this small store."

"What do we do after that?" Milhouse said.

* * *

"So this is Marijuana..." Bart smiled as he was smoking Marijuana and sitting on the floor with his friends.

"Who am... I again?" Nelson said feeling dizzy.

"You know... I like chocolate and..." Milhouse said.

"I hate chocolate" The drunken dog said as he was somehow unaffected by the marijuana. "Where's the freaking booze!"

"I feel... like I want to count my fingers. 1, 2, 3, Who are you again?" Martin said.

"BOOZE!" The drunken dog yelled.

"You know fellas. My name is... What was my name again?..." The kid with sunglasses said.

"I'm outta here." The drunken dog walked away.

"Where did that... furry kitty go?" Ralph's evil voice or Marc said. "Wait... am I Ralphie or whoever that other guy said. I wonder what glue tastes like..."

Suddenly the kids that were using Marijuana heard noise outside of the Kwik-E-Mart.

The kids went to the doors and saw people surrounding the Kwik-E-Mart, some made up of Parents and some made up of employees of the Slaughter House.

"You were right Nelson. It was a good idea to barricade the door." Milhouse said.

"Hey... That was my idea." Bart said as he was lying on the ground.

"Hey... They're putting us on the news..." Martin said as he saw Kent Brockman outside of the Kwik-E-Mart with his camera man.

"And so there we have it." Kent Brockman said as he was in front of the Kwik-E-Mart. "Children barricading the doors, saving animals, smoking Marijuana. These children have become hippies."

"Hey! Were not stupid hippies... Were tree huggers..." The kid with sunglasses said within the Kwik-E-Mart.

"What's the difference?..." Bart said as he was still on the ground.

"The difference is that tree huggers help the environment with positive results." The kid with sunglasses said. "Hippies do care about the environment but instead they just smoke, listen to rock n roll, and act like there apart of nature... even if they try to help the environment... usually it involves to force their beliefs on others, or scaring children with the organs of pigs, or blowing up buildings, or... well you get what I'm saying..."

"So are we one of those good tree huggers or those dirty good for nothing hippies..." Milhouse asked.

"Let's see... we did smoke... but were not forcing beliefs, scaring children, or vandalizing... and were actually doing something... I guess were a tree hugger... Or probably the Green Lantern..." The kid with sunglasses said.

* * *

Homer was drinking a beer at Moe's as he was under stress.

"Hey Moe. Have you seen my boy. He's been gone for some time." Homer said.

"You haven't heard. Your boy are a part of some kind of farm animal saving group." Moe said as he turned on the TV to the news.

Homer, Moe, and his friend saw his boy on a camera with a zoom in feature.

"I like Elmo..." Bart fell to the ground as he was still smoking Marijuana on the TV screen.

"Dang it! He's now smoking. I may have smoked back than too but this is different!" Homer said.

"How is it different? You putted a cigar instead of Marijuana?" Moe said.

"No. Actually I putted a hundred Marijuana sticks into my mouth. It was a dare." Homer said.

"Hey you! Give me some beer!" A drunken dog said.

"Whatever." Homer said.

"Huh? I'm talking here and drunk! Doesn't that surprised you?" The drunken dog said.

" A talking drunken dog? I've been through lot's of crazy things than that." Homer said.

"Why you!" The drunken dog said crazily as he bit Homer's arm.

"Get off of me! You stinking mutt!" Homer said as he pulled the dog off of his arm and threw him to the ground.

Suddenly the dog stood up on two legs and grabbed a beer bottle. He then broke the beer bottle and turned it into a weapon of stabbing. Homer stepped back until "BAM!". The dog felled down dead as there were two bullets in his forehead and eye.

"Take that you little mutt." Moe said as he was holding a shotgun.

"Thanks Moe." Homer said as he got up from the ground.

"Thanks for what? He broke my beer bottles. Now I have to replaced them with paper cups from the trashcan." Moe said. "Anyway, it's closing time."

Moe and Homer left the bar as there were walking on the streets.

"Hey. Did we left the dog on the floor in your tavern still?" Homer said.

"I think so. I'll clean it up later." Moe said.

Back at the Tavern, the dead drunken dog's paw suddenly twitched a bit...

* * *

It was morning time and the boys were waking up from a headache.

"Uh... what happened..." Bart said as he saw brown drool coming out of his mouth. He sniffed the drool and said, "Beer? Have I been drinking beer..."

"Strange... Were all eleven and were already drinking and smoking... Isn't that cool..." Nelson said.

"THIS IS THE POLICE! COME OUT OR ELSE!" Chief Wiggum said outside of the Kwik-E-Mart with a megaphone.

"Can you be quiet! I'm having a headache hear..." Bart yelled in anger.

"Not only that... those hippies are outside in groups... stupid hippies..." Nelson said.

"Hey wait! I just thought of something." The boy with sunglasses said.

"What?" Milhouse said.

"Let's negotiate with the police for some items..." The boy with sunglasses said as the other boys smiled.

Outside of the Kwik-E-Mart, Chief Wiggum cell phone was ringing. He picked it up and pressed a button.

"Who is this?" Chief Wiggum said.

"This is... uh... the Russian Terrorists..." The kid with sunglasses chuckled as he changed his voice with a empty metal can.

"Russian Terrorists? You mean my boy and his friends are taking those farm animals for hostage. I was just here for some pork but this is serious!" Chief Wiggum said. "I just thought of something. Why would a Russian Terrorist capture animals too. I mean the children for hostage would explain for a get a way or negotiation but animals?"

"Uh... the animals are for... experimentation so we can... bring in the Soviet Union... Yes! That's it." The kid with sunglasses said in a different voice.

"How does experimenting animals bring the Soviet Union?" Chief Wiggum said.

"How the heck are you thinking fatty?" The kid with sunglasses said.

"Well... uh... Dang it. Can't think of a combat for what he just said. Anyway, what do you want?" Chief Wiggum said.

"Weapons and ammo. We uh... ran out of ammo after the cops chased us."

"Oh okay. Will give you some weapons in return for some pork."

* * *

"Wiggum!" Sarah Wiggum or his wife said behind him.

"And Ralph..." Chief Wiggum sighed.

"Good... Also, I want this metallic crossbow with explosive arrows just like the one in Call of Duty Black Ops."

"Sure."

2 hours later.

The police handed different kinds of weapons to the "Russian Terrorist" or more like children. To give them the weapons the Police gave it to the roof as they saw one of the Russian Terrorist on top or a drugged Apu with jeans, a black coat, gloves and a hat that covered his face as he grabbed the weapon.

"Strange." Eddie said. "Do all terrorists dance on the roof?"

"He's just making fun of us. We will get our revenge for stealing my boy." Chief Wiggum said as the drugged Apu in disguise went back into the Kwik-E-Mart.

"That was a great idea for defending the farm animals with these weapons." Bart said to the kid with the sunglasses within the Kwik-E-Mart as he held a submachine gun.

"Defended? I just needed this explosive crossbow for this." The kid with sunglasses said as he went up to the roof.

"Where's he going?" Ralph asked in his normal voice

Suddenly the boys saw a bunch of hippies covered in flames as an arrow exploded. The kid with sunglasses came back as the children were surprised.

"Dude! You killed those tree huggers!" Bart said.

"There hippies, not tree huggers." The kid with sunglasses said.

"Oh, okay than." Bart said as the other children were okay with it.

* * *

Homer entered his house and saw a worried Marge, Lisa, and Maggie at the TV room as they were watching the news.

"What's wrong? It's because Bart is a part of some eco-group isn't it?" Homer said.

"What? No. A bunch of Russian Terrorist capture my boy and his friends!" Marge said.

"It's probably one of Bart's pranks. Just calm down and take a break. Go to sleep for a while and..."

"You really need to shut up." Clancy Bouvier said as he was behind him. "Saying it's one of Bart's pranks during some kind of Russian Terrorist event. You're a bad father, you know that."

"Well you're a... a..a.. wait a minute... a grouchy old man." Homer said.

"Is that all you got? A person who's bad at fathering, who's bad at name calling, who's bad at keeping a diet, who's bad at keeping promises, who's bad at remembering my daughter's anniversary, who's bad at fixing your own house, who's bad at remembering your children's birthdays, who's bad at keeping this family together." Clancy Bouvier said as he left the room.

"That's a good burn... An octo-burn..." Homer said as he turned to Marge and said, "Why doesn't your father like me?"

"Well, remember that Heart attack when..."

"Please don't remind me of that..." Lisa said.

"Okay... Why not have a talk with my father." Marge said.

"A talk with him? Like that would ever work..." Homer responded.

"Just try. You don't know what might happen if you don't talk to him." Marge said. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. Come on Lisa and Maggie. It's bed time, I'll read you a bed time story if you want."

"Sure." Lisa said as she and her sister got off the couch and left the TV room.

Homer went into the kitchen and opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. As he closed the fridge he heard the words, "Give me that beer you freaking meat bag!"

Homer turned around and saw a drunken dog except dead this time.

"AHH! What are you!"

"Well I'm... you know I can't remember with all the booze I drank... Anyway..." The dog said as he held a knife in his paw as he was standing on two legs.

Meanwhile upstairs.

"And so the little elves were..."

"AHH! Get away from me zombie!" Homer yelled as Marge, Lisa, and Maggie heard him from Lisa's room.

"Ignore what he said. It's probably nothing." Marge said.

"AHH! This is something! Don't ignore me! Call the police Marge! Or the Hospital, Fire station, or what about Superman!" Homer yelled from downstairs.

"Will you keep it down! I'm trying to read a story to the children." Marge said.

"Help me Superman! Or perhaps Batman... AHH!" Homer yelled.

"Don't worry children. He's just acting like himself. He's not getting hurt or threatened."

"I'll threaten you to the end of the Earth!" The drunken zombie dog said downstairs.

"AHH! I'm getting hurt by this knife! Help! Angry drunk on the loose!" Homer said.

"Will you be quiet! Go play with your drunken friends somewhere else!" Marge said upstairs as she thought it was one of Homer's friends.

Suddenly Homer came upstairs and entered Lisa's room with scratches, wounds, bite marks, burns, scratches, stabs, and even a bullet wound.

"What happened to you?" Marge asked.

"Got attacked by the dog, but I threw him at someone's else's house." Homer said.

"Help! Help!" Flanders said next door.

"Heh heh. One for Homer, Zero for Flanders." Homer said as Flanders screamed "My house is on fire, my house is on fire." over and over again.

* * *

"Okay you terrorist, Not only we gave you weapons we also gave you the rights to cancel the next Twilight and Harry Potter movie." Chief Wiggum said as he was on the cell phone.

"And?" The kid with sunglasses said.

"And we kicked Michael Bay's balls for making Transformers 2 and we the President of the US agreed that you can have control of all the nuclear missiles in America." Chief Wiggum said as he handed the Nuclear Football (A suitcase that controls the nuclear missiles) to the "Russian Terrorist" or the drugged Apu.

Within the Kwik-E-Mart, the boys were trying to think of what places to destroy with the nuclear missiles.

"So what do we destroy?" Bart asks.

"I got three locations I want to destroy." The kid with sunglasses said as he entered the coordinates.

* * *

"Hey guys! We just got a deal with the military to stop making new military bases!" A hippie from PETA said as he entered the PETA headquarters.

"Good! Let's sign it and... What the heck is that thing?" The PETA member said as he saw a huge missile coming towards them.

Suddenly a loud explosion was heard.

* * *

"So where do you want to play tonight?" Nick Jonas said of the Jonas Brothers as he was playing tennis in the backyard of his mansion.

"I don't know." Joe Jonas said.

"How about let's go to... What the heck is that thing in the sky?" Kevin Jonas said as he saw a huge nuclear missile.

Suddenly a huge explosion enflamed the Jonas Brothers and their mansion.

"I just thought of a song." Nick Jonas said as he was on fire. "The Jonas Brothers are on fire."

"That sounds gay." Joe Jonas said.

"All of our songs sound gay..." Keving Jonas said.

* * *

Later at Nickelodeon Studios.

"Yep... Making more SpongeBob episodes..." Stephen Hillinburg, the creator of SpongeBob Square pants, said. "I feel like these new episodes suck compared to the old ones somehow. What's that in the sky?"

Suddenly a nuclear missile destroyed the Nickelodeon Studios as it was engulfed in radiation and flames.

* * *

"Why did you pick those three targets?" Bart said.

"Well, first of all PETA is made up of Hippies." The kid with sunglasses answered. "Second, what dude would love the Jonas Brothers. That's just for girls. And third, the new episodes of SpongeBob freaking suck. I like the old ones. Plus they cancelled some good shows... Freaking Nickelodeon traitors..."

"Who the heck is that?" Milhouse said.

"Isn't that your dad, Bart?" Nelson said as the boys within the Kwik-E-Mart and the adults outside of the Kwik-E-Mart saw Homer fighting a drunken zombie dog on the road.

"Take this!" Homer yelled out on the road as he kicked the drunken zombie dog causing it to fly in air and crash into the Kwik-E-Mart.

"How could one freaking kick do that? Especially that big "BLEEP" fatso." The drunken zombie dog said as he was holding a knife and standing on two legs. "What are you looking at? I need some "BLEEP" booze here!"

"What do we do?" Milhouse said.

"Just shoot!" Bart said.

Suddenly the boys raised their guns at the talking drunken zombie dog but it didn't work as he was dead.

"I said I want some... booze!" The drunken zombie dog said as he saw beer in the alcohol section.

"What do we do now!" Nelson said. "We can't leave! We barricaded the place with wood and other objects."

"What about the back door." The kid with sunglasses said as he opened the back door.

"There's a back door not being barricaded?" Bart said.

* * *

Three minutes later, the boys were on the ground as the police surrounded them.

"So this whole Russian Terrorist thing is a joke!" Chief Wiggum said. "You should know that stealing someone's property and pretending be a Russian Terrorist never wins. Anyway, the owner of the Slaughterhouse is bringing these farm animals back into lunch territory."

"Sorry. I can't do that." The owner of the Slaughterhouse said. "Someone blew up the Slaughterhouse with bombs. We don't have enough money to rebuild it because the farm animals were stolen meaning no profits. I guess will just let them free."

"Can we go now?" Bart said.

"Sure. What's that kid with the sunglasses name anyway?" Chief Wiggum said.

"My name is..."

"Who cares anymore. Let's just call you handyman because your handy at sometime but in a more negative and stupid way." Nelson said.

"I hate that nickname."

"Sorry, but that's what we're going to call you."

* * *

"I am finally free from the ropes and the drugs!" Apu said as he was back at the counter of the Kwik-E-Mart.

Suddenly a black car came by the Kwik-E-Mart.

"Okay Russians. Let's do this, just like we blew up the Slaughterhouse." A real Russian Terrorist said as he pulled out a gun and some bombs along with other Russian Terrorists.

5 seconds later...

"Help! Russian Terrorist are attacking the store!" Apu said as he was running away from the Russian terrorist in public but no one believed him due to the last fake Russian Terrorist incident.

"Those drugs must've really got to him." Bart said as he saw Apu being shot by one of the Russian Terrorists said.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Homer again was fighting the drunken zombie dog at the front yard of his house. Suddenly Clancy Bouvier saw the two fighting.

"What's going on here?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"What do you want 'BLEEP' old man. You want to fight you freaking 'BLEEP' pussy. I've fought in 'BLEEP' Vietnam. It was 'BLEEP' fun." The drunken zombie dog said.

"Fun? You say that war is 'BLEEP' fun. Well let me tell you something here." Clancy Bouvier said. "Why the 'BLEEP' do you think that shooting at your own friends is freaking fun? I've have been through many ways. World War II, The Korean War, and a short time at Vietnam but you think it's FREAKEN FUN! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT 'BLEEP' AND 'BLEEP' AND ALSO 'BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP'. ALL YOU DO IS 'BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP."

"I'm just going to go home... now..." The Drunken Zombie dog said.

"Thanks. Anyway, I talked to Marge about your... problem... and she says that we need to have a talk. You've been mean to me." Homer said.

"Mean? You think yelling and punching you in the face is MEAN!" Clancy Bouvier said in anger again. "I've been sent to military school at the age of six and sent to the military at fourteen by my own father! My father was more meaner than any man you met."

"That's you..." Homer said.

"Me? He is more meaner than me. I've never got a thank you, a hug, or anything fatherly. I WAS RAISED BY AN FREAKEN ANIMAL!" Clancy Bouvier said.

"You know what... I'm glad we had this talk." Homer said as he ran away for his life.

Suddenly the mailman came and Clancy Bouvier punched him in his face.

"Ow! What did you that for?" The mailman said.

"Trying to get the freaking anger out! STUPID 'BLEEP' MEMORIES!" Clancy Bouvier said. "BLEEP!"


	21. This is SPRINGFIELD!

Couch Scene: The Simpsons ran to the couch and suddenly everything is normal until the Springfield Mafia comes and points a gun at Homer because he won't pay them.

Ralph the Word: "..." Ralph just stood there.

"Uh... Ralph say something." The Narrator spoke.

Ralph just walked away without talking.

* * *

Homer and his family were walking in downtown Springfield. It was a beautiful day and...

"Hey! Shut up already." Homer said to the Narrator.

"Homer? Who are you talking to?" Marge asked.

"Yeah? You've been acting crazy for a while." Bart said.

"I'm not crazy. This narrator keeps annoying me." Homer said.

"Don't see anyone." Lisa said.

"I can't see him too, I can only hear his stupid voice." Homer said.

You do realize you're the only one who can hear me?

"I guess so..."

Anyway, I'm narrating this story and I've always have. Now just pretend that you can't hear my voice.

"Fine..." Homer said.

"Who are you talking to? Is it your imaginary friend, the narrator, again?" Bart joked.

"No. There's no such thing as... a... Narrator..." Homer said in anger. "Huh? What happened to the gun shop over there?"

The family saw the gun shop still selling guns but with a different look. The most noticeable was a different flag.

"What's with that stupid flag over there?" Homer said.

"That flag happens to be the flag of England you American twit. All you do is go to your fast foods, create more wars, your small businesses and talk about peace but can't do it, and your fast foods." The British Man said.

"You already said fast foods. Plus, you're talking about a Republican. They support military power and small businesses." Lisa said.

"You Americans always trying to give us excuses." The British man said.

"Lots of countries make up excuses. Even your country did." Lisa said.

"Uh huh. Say that Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon."

"Now with the presidents... You know, all our US presidents have done both good and bad things." Lisa said.

"Again with the excuses..." The British man said as he walked away.

"The British can be so irritating sometimes..." Marge said until the family noticed something about the Kwik-E-Mart.

"There's a British Flag on the Kwik-E-Mart." Bart said.

Suddenly the family notice there were British flags all over different shops which surprised the family.

"Oh well. At least they haven't stole my favorite place to hang out." Homer said as he entered Moe's Tavern. Suddenly he got kicked out by a bunch of British men. "What was that for."

"Sorry, but we need a British Bar and we will have a British Bar." One of the British men said.

"You monsters!" Homer said.

* * *

Later at a Town Meeting at the Springfield Town Hall.

The citizens of Springfield were very angry and mad about the situation in Springfield. Lots of property that once belonged to Springfield were now in the hands of the British.

"Settle down people!" Mayor Quimby said as he tried to calm the people. "The British may have taken most of our..."

Suddenly a man in a suit came and whispered to his ear.

"Dear god! They bought the whole town! I mean... uh... who likes bacon!" Mayor Quimby said as he tried to keep the Springfieldians under control as they shouted, pushed, and were angry at each other. "People, people, people!"

The crowd suddenly pulled out pitch forks and torches.

"Oh god. They're going to destroy the town with that. Uh... Clancy Bouvier! Can you keep the crowd peaceful for a few minutes." Mayor Quimby said.

"QUIET DOWN YOU BUNCH OF 'BLEEP'." Clancy Bouvier said.

Suddenly the whole group of Springfieldians sat down silently.

"Finally! I got your attention. Anyway, were dealing with a serious matter of crisis here people! The British are now messing us Americans and we have no way to beat them." Quimby said.

"Of course you don't." A British man said along with two other British men as they entered the Springfield Town Hall. "We now own everything and were going to destroy it. You have twenty four hours to leave."

"What are you sick bastards up to?" Moe said.

"Why, were just going to have our own small British town. We already controlled other towns and now this one will be in our control soon." The British men said.

"Hey!" Grandpa Abe said. "What happened to us now! All we do is argue and try to make peace agreements. You know what patriots did back than in the American Revolution? We beat the crap out of the British and we should do it again!"

"The old man is right!" Homer said as he got out of his seat.

"You want to fight tubby?" The British man said as he was going to charge at Homer.

Homer easily stopped him by using one finger on his forehead. The British man tried to punch Homer but he couldn't.

"Can I try?" Lisa said.

"Go nuts." Homer said as Lisa also stopped the British Man with one finger on the forehead.

Suddenly all the Springfieldians were laughing.

"Okay honey. I'm going to have a talk with the man." Homer said to Lisa as she stopped.

Suddenly Homer raised his fist and punched the British man twice. He kept on punching him and then suddenly others joined as they beaten the three British men out of the Town hall. Now they were outside.

"Do what you will, but your town isn't safe!" The British man laughed.

"Than we will fight our longest enemy once again!" Homer said.

"Yeah!" Moe said.

"I'm doing the talking Moe. Anyway, British man. We will defeat your... what kind of club or organization do you work for?"

"The Agency of Taking-over-Towns and Stuff. Also known as an A.T.S" The British man said.

"That's not very creative... Anyway you're going to have to be captured now.

"You can't capture me. I'm just a messenger." The British man said.

Get used to the stupidity around here because this is... SPRINGFIELD!" Homer said as he kicked the British man to a well in the middle of a sidewalk in a similar scene in the movie, "300".

Suddenly other men pushed the two other men into the well.

"Well that's done... Wait a minute? When did we ever have a well in the middle of a sidewalk?" Homer said.

"Like you said Homer. This is Springfield." Moe said.

"Hello?" The British men said in the well.

"Will get you out after we deal with the rest of your ATS members." Homer said.

* * *

Bart was playing his Call of Duty: MW2 on his PC in his room.

"Dang it! Stupid Shotguns and Machine Pistols. Why the heck are they secondary weapons?" Bart said in the darkness as there were snacks everywhere, his room was messy, and his hair and clothes were dirty. "And what's with these game modes! All these normal game modes feel like Hardcode mode, just with a HUD this time."

"What's wrong Bart?" Lisa said as he entered the room and turned on the lights causing Bart to hiss at her.

"There are noobs all over the game. I keep on getting shot by these overpowering weapons." Bart said.

"Why not get that new Call of Duty game. Black Ops?" Lisa said.

"It's already out? Plus, there's this poll that says that MW2 is better than Black Ops." Bart said.

"You do know that the voters of MW2 are mostly made up of beginners, noobs, and people who have a hard time using skilled weapons in other Call of Duty games?" Lisa said.

"Oh, okay than." Bart said as he left his room and ran down the stairs.

As Bart was at the first floor of his house he saw his dad and other men with guns, knives, and some other things that aren't usually a weapon like brooms, frying pans, and an fire axe.

"What are you doing Homer?" Bart said.

"Getting ready to fight the British." Homer said.

"Oh okay, anyway can I have 60$ to buy this new video game."

"Sure, why not?" Homer said as he pulled out his wallet.

Suddenly Abe Simpson and Clancy Bouvier appeared out of nowhere and punched Homer in the face causing him to fall to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?" Abe said.

"Yes, if there's something we both agree, it's that your giving money to that child. What did he ever do to earn it?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"Well, I guess so..." Homer said. Suddenly Clancy Bouvier punched him again. "Ow... what was that for?"

"For marrying my daughter you lazy bum." Clancy Bouvier said as he punched Homer in the face again. "That one was just for fun. Anyway, Bart. Get a job or do some chores around the house."

"You can't make me get a job!" Bart said.

Three hours later.

"I'm exhausted from finding a job..." Bart said on the couch as Marge entered the TV room.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Marge said.

"Trying to find a job so I can buy game... need game... game..." Bart said in a zombie like voice.

"Well... there's always that new small music Shop that just opened. They only have one employee there. They just need one employee and there looking for young employees." Marge said.

"I'll go try." Bart said.

* * *

Bart was holding a resume of his own as he was in front of the Music Shop called "The Feel"

Bart entered it and saw music CDs, Records, Tapes, Music Videos, and even headphones to try out the song. Bart also saw teenagers and college students trying to get the job.

"Who are you?" A tall man said.

He had small clear glasses, long black hair, wore jeans, blue jacket, and a white shirt, facial hair, and some wrinkles.

"I'm trying to get the new job here." Bart said.

"Oh, your hired than." The tall man said.

"Wait? Why is that boy hired? This job needs young employees and what does he have for the job!" A college student said.

"Yeah, I didn't say young adults and this boy looks like he has... something... I really don't know... Anyway, who did I hired again?" The old man said as he looked confused.

"You hired me, Bart. Down here." Bart said.

"Oh hell Bert." The old man said.

"Are you high or stupid?"

"I can assure you that I'm not stupid and... hey cool... a music shop..." The tall man said as the college students and teenagers left. "Hey there kid. What's your name... I'm Ian..."

"I just told you my name." Bart said.

"Oh yeah, your Bart the new employee. Anyway Bratie, like all the other employees you have to clean this small store for no pay, but you can get paid for organizing the CDs, being the cashier, and help people finding the right music CD." Ian said. "Anyway Lisa you have to make sure that no one steals the cash."

"My name is Bart. Lisa is one of my little sisters." Bart said.

"Your sister is named Lisa. I must be psychic or something, is your mother the tooth fairy. Hey money." Ian said as he walked to the cashier and took money out of it and put it in his pockets. Suddenly he looked at the cashier and said, "Hey? Where did all the money go. Hey you Nick, do you know who stole it?"

"You stole the money. My name is Bart not Nick." Bart said as Ian looked at the money in his pockets and looked all surprised.

"I must be an evil twin. I wonder if my cousin Otto is still here?" Ian said.

"Otto? He's your cousin?" Bart said.

"Yeah little dude. Were both onto drugs. The only difference is that he likes metal rock and I like metal rock, but more of a Hippie way. Wait a minute? Who am I again? No, what am I?" Ian said.

"This guy is more confused than Homer chasing the dog when he stole his pork chops." Bart thought.

* * *

"Okay, we stand and fight men!" Homer said as he was with three hundred Springfieldians.

As Homer waited and waited, suddenly Barney was on a horse and yelled out, "The British are coming, the British are coming... and this time I'm not drunk."

Five hundred British men appeared out of nowhere as they stepped to the road of Springfield and saw an army of three hundred Springfieldians preparing to fight as they look at the power of the British and...

"Okay, okay we get it Narrator. You don't have to be that pacific, we have eyes you know." Home said to the sky as everyone was looking at him.

"Homer? Who are you talking to?" Moe asked.

"I'm talking to the Narra... Never mind, I'm talking to no one." Homer sighed as one of the British men opened his mouth.

"Were giving you a chance you give up! Leave now and no one gets hurt!" One of the British men said.

"We rather get hurt than see our town turn into a town where the Queen of England can take a vacation!" Homer said.

"You know Homer, that could make our town famous if the Queen of England came." Krusty said as everybody agreed.

"Why would she come to a town where I live. I mean I crashed a rented car into her." Homer said.

"What was that?" Lenny said.

"Uhh... nothing... forget what I just said... Anyway, fight!" Homer said as the Continental Army I mean... Springfieldians army and the British empire... I mean the British ATS army collided.

The British Empire... I meant the British ATS army... why do I keep saying that... tried to pushed the Springfieldians with their mighty force but even if they were outnumbered the Springfieldians pushed with their force and...

"Hey wait a minute? Why are we pushing these geezers? We have weapons and they don't. This is not Sparta people!" Moe said.

"I think we should run..." A British man said as the ATS members stopped pushing as the Springfieldians raised their guns at them.

Suddenly the ATS members fell to the ground as they got shot dead on the ground.

"Hasta la vista, baby!" Rainier Wolfcastle said as he was chasing British men with a large minigun.

"Hey Homer? Isn't this murder?" Carl said.

"Who cares?" Chief Wiggum said.

* * *

Homer, Lenny, Carl, Barney, and Moe were hiding in the bushes as there was a British camp at the beach of Springfield near there iron-made ship.

"Are we all in our Indian costumes?" Homer said.

"Yes." All the men answered.

"Okay." Moe said. "Now all we have to do is... Wait a minute? Who are you?"

"I'm a hippy, man. Just call me Ian." Ian said in his Indian costume. "Anyway, you like bacon?"

"Hold on a minute? I thought hippie's don't like bacon." Homer said.

"Really? Well, I guess I'll just leave, man." Ian said as he ate a hamburger to replace the bacon.

"Anyway... we have to..."

"Who are you people?" A British man said as he saw the Indians in disguised.

"Uh... we are... Indians who...want to... make a casino for the British when they take over the town..." Homer said still worried.

"I don't know... this seems somehow familiar... it's as if you're going to blow up our ship... just like back in the American Revolution..." The British man said.

"What do you mean?" Lenny said.

Suddenly the British man got knocked out by a big baseball bat.

"Take that British man." Ian said.

"Thank you Ian." Homer said.

"No problem, Older Bart." Ian said to Homer. "That guy should stay to the ground for stealing my stash."

"Uh huh... By the way, how do you know the name Bart?" Homer said.

"You don't remember Older Bart? The future really has gotten to you. You used to work in my music shop." Ian said. "Anyway, what are we doing?"

"Were going to blow up that ship and toss there tea and any other drinks they have." Homer said.

"And then we shoot those British bastards, American style!" Moe said.

"Moe, take it easy man. We're not doing that. We may have shot those British before, but that was our first American-British battle." Homer said.

"Okay, but it seemed to work for me the last time." Moe said. "Those British stealing my bar... turning it into some kind of fancy pub..."

* * *

Homer and the rest of the gang were pouring tea and other drinks into the ocean as the Britain's weren't looking.

"That's the last of it." Homer said.

"Last of what?" Ian said as he was drinking a beer.

"Ian, don't drink that ten-pack you have to..." Lenny said until Homer stopped him.

"Ten-pack, eh..." Homer said.

* * *

Later at The Simpsons house.

Marge was outside as she grabbed the mail from the mailbox. She saw a letter and read it. Out of nowhere, Marge suddenly heard old drums and old flutes that sounded like something you would hear in the American Revolution was in her head as she read it.

"_Dear Marge, this is your lovely husband, Homer. You see I wanted to tell you that everyone survived as we destroyed the ship except for my ten-packs of beer... oh why God! Why did this happened! It was a ten-pack and... Quiet Narrator I'm trying to speak here._

_Homer? Who are you talking to?_

_Moe! I'm talking to the freaking... never mind... anyway I love you Marge and good bye. I will see you soon..._

_Sincerely, Barney... BUUURPPPP!"_

* * *

Homer was at a camp with other Springfieldians.

"We only have one machine gun left and supplies here." Moe said.

"Well than we'll just have to use what we have." Homer said.

"We could use these rocks and sticks as spears." Krusty said.

"We can use these two rocks to create a fire." Ned said.

"I can use this machine gun to shoot those birds for dinner." Homer said as he pointed the machine gun up to the sky and pressed the trigger as he shot bullets towards the sky as the rest of the people watched him. Suddenly only one bird fell to the ground.

"Uh... Homer... you just used our lest machine gun. Plus that bird you caught was just a butterfly." Moe said.

"Uh guys." Apu said. "Is it normal for the bullets that Homer just shot to come to the ground that fast."

"No, why... Oh holy no! Run for your lives everybody!" Kirk Van Houten said as everyone ran away from the campsite as bullets were raining down hard to the ground.

Suddenly the bullets stopped raining and everyone came back.

"No one got hurt. That's something good." Homer said as he was holding a can of beer.

Suddenly one bullet from the sky shot the can of beer in his hands and the beer was pouring out of the hole and to the ground.

"DOH!" Homer yelled extremely loud.

* * *

Later in a galaxy far far away.

"That's strange." Luke Skywalker said.

"What is it Kang?" Han Solo asked.

"I thought I heard an angered darkness stronger than the Sith but also round and fat that said, 'Doh', all for a beer." Luke Skywalker answered.

"What's a beer?" Han Solo asked.

* * *

"Hey Ian! I have a job for you." Homer said.

"Sure thing Older Bart." Ian said.

"Whatever, I want you to send this message to my wife just in case if anything happens to me. Anyway, I'm going to call one of our allies to help us in this battle." Homer said as he handed Ian a note.

Later at the Élysée Palace.

The President of France picked up his cell phone and saw a message in text on his phone. As he read it, drums and flutes was in his head that sounded like something you would hear in the American Revolution.

"_Dear King of France... Wait a minute... they have a President now, Moe? Than... President of France, I am texting you this message because we are fighting the British. We know how much you hated the British back than and that now your allies to them, but we are not fighting the whole country, we are fighting the AT... something... We need your help before they turn our towns and other towns into a place where the British enters... who knows they might take over your..._

_Give me that!_

_Moe! What the heck are you doing?_

_Hey, these British people think there all better than you and they want to turn your cities into a place where they can use your flag as toilet paper... in fact I heard one of the British men saying that your mom cooks like a anteater. That's right ants in every one of your mom's cooking's_

_Sincerely your most hated friend, Moe."_

"My mom is what?" The President of France said angrily.

* * *

Ian the Hippie Freak entered the Music store as he was wearing a toga.

"Where have you been and why are you wearing that toga!" Bart said.

"Older Bart! What a surprise. Your shorter now and I don't really know why I'm wearing this. The last time I remember is when I saw this car facing towards me." Ian said. "By the way, I'm sending a message to your wife."

"You mean Homer?" Bart said.

"If that's what you want to call it. What's this place?" Ian said.

"This is your business. Anyway, I'm supposed to be paid over two days ago after all the hard work I've done!" Bart said angrily.

"You actually did work? I was just joking back there. I just become lazy man. You should to." Ian said.

"But the store was clean before I got here. If your lazy than how is this clean before I got the job." Bart said.

"Some religious guy that says, 'Diddly' all the time cleans it. All you have to do is to pretend you're poor and weak. Plus, I'm not paying you." Ian said.

"What!" Bart said.

"Yeah, I'm not doing all that hard work to get the money. Just take what you need from that mystery machine." Ian said.

"You mean the cash machine. Can I take all of it?"

"Sure... I'm hippy who don't need money." Ian said as Bart quickly took all the money and ran off.

Ian walked towards the cash machine and opened it and looked surprised.

"My god! Some thief stole my money! Hey Bert! Someone stole my money man. I need it to buy playboy magazines." Ian said. "Bert?... Hey, what is this cool place, man?"

* * *

Homer and the other three hundred Springfieldians walked outside of Springfield and on a desert with one road. Suddenly he saw thousands of British men, but also saw one British man with a crown on a moving throne carried by ten strong British men. The ten British men carefully put the throne on the ground and the British man with the crown stepped out of the throne.

"Hello you Americans with your fast food restaurants. I am George Hungleberry." George Hungleberry said as suddenly both the Americans and British were laughing at him.

"What kind of last name is Hungleberry?" Homer smiled and laughed.

"Shush! American! Just give up and you will not be smite by the power of the British!" George said.

"Who cares. What kind of last name is Hungleberry?" Dr. Hibbert said.

"Enough about my last name! Attack attack attack!" George said repeatedly.

"Okay... We may fall to the ground men but like that one Webster guy something something said. We were born as an American, we lived as an American, and we will eat like an American!" Homer said.

"Uh Homer. It's die as an American." Barney said.

"DIE?" All the Springfieldians said as they dropped their weapons and ran in circles screaming.

* * *

"So this is a video game." Ian said as he was playing Black Ops with Bart on the PC at the music store.

"Yep." Bart said.

"You know, I feel like I forgot something." Ian said.

"Is it this?" Bart said as he handed him a note with a message.

"Thanks little dude." The tall man said as he took the message and sneezed on it as a tissue paper. "Wait a minute... This is the note... And someone sneezed on it... Who would do such a thing... oh well..."

* * *

"Coming, coming." Marge said as she opened the door as a person kept on ringing the door. "Who are you?"

"I'm your husband's friend. Ian." Ian said.

"Yes, what is it?" Marge said as Ian did not answered but was staring at her. "What are you staring at..."

Suddenly Marge slapped Ian in the cheek.

"Sorry, but you have a nice chest." Ian smiled. "Anyway, here's the message from Homer."

"This message is covered in snot." Marge said.

"Oh yeah, some guy sneezed on it. I haven't found out yet, but I think he was the same one who stole my money, my wallet, and the same one who framed me of me burning down the police station. If only I knew who he was." Ian said.

"Uh huh..." Marge said as she read the letter and heard drum and flute music in her head again.

"_Dear Marge... If you are reading this I have either died by the British's cold blooded hands or I died by watching Halloween: Season of the Witch. Plus, at first everyone survived, but than later it was the ten-pack, than that one can of beer from the bullets which I caused, and than Mr. Molemen, though we could've save them because the British retreated but my reason was... I choose not to... any way..."_

"I can't read any further." Marge cried.

"I know that your husband died but..."

"That too, but there's snot on most of these words." Marge cried.

"Oh than... good luck being a widower." Ian said.

"Or not!" Homer said as he was with the other Springfieldians.

"Homer!" Marge stopped crying.

"Older Bart!" Ian said.

"Wait a minute? Older Bart?" Marge said.

"Ian is very high that he thinks I'm Bart from the future. In fact, he acts like a hippy but he's actually violent to animals. I don't know what kind of man he is." Homer said to Marge.

"I see..." Marge said. "How did you survived?"

"How did I win, you mean. You see, the French appeared and surrounded the British army." Homer said. "For some reason, the President was punching the president of the ATS for making fun of his mom."

"Yes... his mom..." Moe chuckled in worry a little as he waved his eyes back and forth.

* * *

Later at a barbeque at Homer's backyard.

"This is a celebration to many things!" Homer said. "One, the defeat of the British, Two, befriended Ian the... I guess Hippy..., and Three, humiliating the British by letting them come to an American Barbeque with American Flags and American food." Homer laughed at the British ATS members.

"You may have won this time but we will return." George said as he took a bite out of his hand burger. Suddenly he raised his hamburger in both hands and looked at it with surprise. "MY GOD! You Americans with your fast foods are genius's!"

"You know... I feel like I forgot something." Homer said.

* * *

"Hello? Anyone here?" The British men said in the well.

"That fat man did promise to take us out of the well... right?" One of the British men said.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Bart and Ian were playing Call of Duty Black Ops at the music store.

"You know little guy. I never had a father and what do I work as again in this shop?" Ian said.

"You know Ian... I can be your father and you work as a simple employee. uh... I'm your boss." Bart said.

"Really dad?" Ian, a tall guy said to Bart, a little boy.

"Give your dad a hug." Bart said.

"I have a dad!" Ian smiled as he hugged Bart.

"NOW GET BACK TO WORK!" Bart yelled.

"I have a dad..." Ian grunted

"What did you say!" Bart yelled.

"Nothing boss. I'm onto... whatever I was doing..." Ian said.

* * *

(Incase you haven't notice, parts of it is a spoof of the movie, "300" and makes a reference to The American Revolution)


	22. Mr Burns Christmas Carol Part I

A man was sitting in a comfortable fancy chair near a toasty fire as he had a book in his hand.

"Hello there. I am Matt Groening and I am about to tell you... Wait what was that?" Matt Groening said as heard the Cameraman's voice.

"Your suppose to say your Charles Dickens. This is a Christmas Special remember?" The Cameraman said to him.

"That wasn't in the script!" Matt Groening said angrily as he was showed the cameraman a script fully covered in white paint.

"Just do it!"

"What's the point! They already know who I am! Anyway, today is different. Here's a book about a grumpy old man who uses different holidays for his own personal gain." Matt Groening said as he showed them a book. "Today, it's going to be Christmas. Mr. Burns Christmas Carol that is... Let's see what's going on..."

"Your speaking to the audience like children!" The cameraman yelled.

"Shut up! I know this show isn't for "BLEEP!" children!... Uh... The show is not on the air are we..." Matt Groening yelled at him.

"Were on live and you just added a curse word to children... To the whole country..." The Director said.

"Not only that... Your children are at the studio looking at you right now..." The Cameraman said.

"..." Matt Groening stood there not knowing what do next... in his own show he created...

* * *

"And so thank The Lord for giving another wonderful Christmas tommorow." Reverend Lovejoy said as he was in a church, where people sat down at their chairs hearing the Reverend's words. "Now, it's time for the offering."

A few people stood up from their seats and grabbed large golden plates. One of them was Ned, obviously. The Simpsons were also in the church as Homer was drooling on the floor.

"I'm bored..." Homer said.

"What's up, man" Ian said as he sat behind the family.

"Hi Ian." Bart said with a smile.

"So what's this place?" Ian said.

"It's called a church. Haven't you heard of a church?" Marge said.

"Huh?... Sorry, too busy looking at your chest..." Ian said as he was suddenly slapped by Marge's hand and punched by Homer's fist.

"Hello new fellow Christian." Ned said to Ian.

"Dude, I just got punched and slapped by two mysterious people. If only I knew their names." The confused Ian said.

"Are you on drugs or something?" Ned asked.

"Nope, he's always like this, whether he has drugs or not." Bart said. "Trust me, two days ago, I saw him walking out of the Girl's bathroom at school and I pretty much took all his drugs and sell it to the bullies before that happened."

"I see... Well, anyway..." Ned said as he handed him the plate filled with money.

"Thanks man." Ian said as he took the cash.

"Uh... You're not supposed to take the cash. You're supposed to give cash... so we can donate this for the poor... today it's the orphanage." Ned said.

"I see... Anyway uh... here's some cash." Ian said as he handed him the same cash he just took to the plate.

"You just..."

"Ned, remember I said he's always like this, drugs or not?" Bart said. "Well, you see my proof."

"Okay..." Ned said as he walked away from The Simpsons and to a crooked cruel old man named Mr. Burns. "Hello Mr. Burns. I believe it's your turn."

Mr. Burns just handed them a nickel without saying a word.

"Uh... this is just a nickel... and... I'll just go now..." Ned said as he left the old man.

* * *

"Three hundred dollars?" Reverend Lovejoy said as people began to left the church. "This is not enough to support the orphanage. Wait a minute, Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns!"

Reverend Lovejoy ran to the old man and to his assistant Smither's.

"What do you want?" Mr. Burns asked.

"We need a big cash donation for the only orphanage in Springfield and..."

"The only orphanage in Springfield, my god those poor orphans... I guess I can say NO!" Mr. Burns yelled at Reverend Lovejoy. "I have a business to run at my Nuclear Power Plant. For some reason meltdowns have gone high..."

"What about that Homer fellow?" Smither's said.

"I'll find out by myself later Smither's. Anyway I should go now." Mr. Burns said.

* * *

Homer was eating donuts with his friends in his office and suddenly announcement's came out of the Speaker.

"Hello fellow good working employees. I'm sorry to say that you will have no Christmas Bonus, in fact your paychecks now will have to be cut to half, and not only that you must work on Christmas day." Mr. Burns said.

Suddenly the workers became mad as Mr. Burns was laughing in his office eating chicken.

"Ahh... Smither's, even with these high meltdowns, the plant is more functional, the bills are low, and the profits have gone 20% up." Mr. Burns said as he was counting how much money he had on a calculator.

"That's fine sir, but don't you think you can give these men a break?" Smither's said.

Suddenly Mr. Burns gave Smither's an evil look and said, "You mean the same men that has been goofing off, playing pranks at each other, and one time causing a Nuclear Meltdown that caused some pig to have spider powers?"

"Yes, I believe they called him Spider Pig or something, but anyway it's Christmas soon and..."

"Enough with this Christmas chit-chat! Your fired Smither's! I may have fired you before and gave your job back for just one simple reason, but this time it's permanent!" Mr. Burns yelled.

"Uh sir. I'm right over here." Smither's said as Mr. Burns was yelling at a lamp.

"Oh sorry. Anyway, your fired!" Mr. Burns said.

"Fired on Christmas Eve? But sir..."

"I said your fired! Permanently!" Mr. Burns said as Smither's left through the main door as another man entered the door that looked similar to Mr. Burns.

"Hi ya pops!" Larry Burns, son of Mr. Burns, spoke.

"What do you want now Larry? I'm working. Even with all the good results today, I'm busy, busy, busy." Mr. Burns sighed.

"I'm just here to tell you that I'm rich now after all that comedy movie acting" Larry Burns said (Larry Burns is actually an comedy movie actor in the real Simpsons show now. He has a cameo in Bart Gets a Z as an actor in a movie. It's very hard to find his cameo appearance.)

"So what is it? I'm not dead yet so you can have more money. Anyway, why are you here?" Mr. Burns said.

"I'm here to invite you to a Christmas party I'm having. You can meet my family and friends I have." Larry Burns said.

"I would love to go but I'm just too busy."

"It's Christmas pops. Lay off the work for a while and have some fun."

"I said I'm not going. So just get out of here for now. You're lucky that I won't release the hounds or activate the trap door because your my son... and that the hounds are at the Vet and the trap door is malfunctioning a bit... that's pretty much the reason why I won't use it..." Mr. Burns said.

"Fine. I will go..." Larry Burns said as he walked out of his office.

* * *

Mr. Burns was walking to his home, or more like a mansion that is. As he walked up to the door, he looked at his pockets and grabbed his keys. Suddenly as he looked at the door he saw a glowing skull that screamed at him on the door causing Mr. Burns to fell to the stairs.

"What was that?... Oh wait. Why am I screaming at a glowing skull?" Mr. Burns chuckled as he saw the glowing screaming skull. "One of my glowing skulls seem to be malfunctioning again. Better solve the problem right now."

Mr. Burns pulled out an Ranger shotgun and shot the malfunctioning glowing skull causing it to fall down to the ground as the old man entered his home.

* * *

It was nighttime and Mr. Burns was at his chair in his bedroom on the second floor as he was enjoying a nice cup of hot chocolate.

"Ahh... A cup of hot chocolate, a chair to sit on, and noises out of nowhere, a fire to keep warmth, and... wait a minute... noise out of nowhere?" Mr. Burns said as he looked at the main door of the bedroom.

The old man kept on hearing noises as they were becoming louder each time he heard it. Suddenly it stopped and when Mr. Burns took a step on the floor... he saw green chains attached to heavy iron balls coming through the wooden door without it even opening.

"AHH!" Mr. Burns screamed as he hid himself behind the chair.

Suddenly a man came through the door without touching it as he was floating in the air.

"_Burns... I am a ghost from you past... a partner that you knew... do you know who I am?"_ The ghost said in a spooky voice.

"Are you Asa Phelps? I'm sorry that I assassinated you for the fortune and told everybody that you committed suicide!" Mr. Burns cried.

"_No... I am Waylon Smither's Sr. The same person who has worked with you for a long time... I am here to warn you..._"The ghost of Waylon Smither's Sr. said in a spooky voice.

"I see that, but do you really have to say it in a... scary voice?" Mr. Burns said.

"... Well... not really. Anyway, I heard you fired my son all about some argument over Christmas and employees!" The Ghost of Waylon Smither's Sr. as he sat in one of Mr. Burns chair.

"Now when you say it that way, it really does sound stupid." Mr. Burns said with a fake smile. "Anyway, you said you were going to warn me something. After, all you always came to warn me about something. You were always a good man in the business of the Nuclear Plant."

"BUISNESS! Is that all you care about? Your business! Everyone who's close to you is now separated from you because of that Nuclear Plant or should I say your BUISNESS!" Waylon Smither's Sr. said in anger as Mr. Burns was hiding behind his chair shaking in fear. "I am here to warn you Mr. Burns so you won't have the same fate as me being locked to these chains where you have to keep on moving these heavy metal balls to get to the mailbox. And we both know that your bones will be crushed by these at your state."

"Well then? What are you going to do?" Mr. Burns said.

"You will be visited by three Spirits. Spirits that will haunt you until you can change your ways."

"Haunted by Spirits? Uh... let's see... No... I don't believe any of this." Mr. Burns said.

"Why do you doubt your senses?"

"Because a little thing can affect thing. A slight disorder to the stomach can make them cheats. Plus, that turkey that one of my employees gave me last night made me see different colors. I suspected some kind of drug in it." Mr. Burns said.

"If you don't believe me. Than believe this!" The Ghost of Waylon Smither's Sr. said as he opened the window of Mr. Burns bedroom showing different spirits chained to huge metal balls like him.

"I knew I shouldn't have sold these guns!" The ghost of Al Capone said.

"I hate this so much..." The ghost of Ivan the Terrible said.

"Thank you, thank you very much." The ghost of Elvis Presley said.

"I got hit by a bulldozer again..." The ghost of Hans Moleman said as he got hit by another bulldozer.

"What is this?" Mr. Burns said.

"These are the men and women who are damned for life! Though for some reason that Hans Moleman guy seems to get out of those chains a lot and return to life. Anyway, I must go now!" The ghost of Waylon Smither's Sr. spoke as he faded away.

* * *

Mr. Burns was just sitting in his chair as he suddenly he noticed a glow behind his chair. He turned his head around and saw a little girl in white clothes with her hair on fire.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past and..." The Little girl said until she was kicked by a man and thrown into a wall.

"Sorry, that's not the Ghost of Christmas Past. She keeps on pretending to be just to get attention. Anyway, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past. Some people refer me as the Human Torch in the comic books. One of the guys from Fantastic Four, baby!" The Ghost of Christmas Past or The Human Torch spoke.

"Uh huh... So what? You're going to show me my past or something?" Mr. Burns asked.

"Duh. Anyway, Flame on!" The ghost of Christmas Past said as his body was on fire. "Oh yeah, I'm on fire... What the hell! I'M ON FIRE!"

The Ghost of Christmas Past was yelling in pain as he was on fire. Suddenly Mr. Burns got out a bucket of water and stopped the fire on him.

"Thanks man, but still you're going to have to see your past whether you want to or not."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Can we hurry this up?" Mr. Burns said.

"Take my hand and we will fly out of here."

"Okay." Mr. Burns said as he took his hand. But as he did it he said "OW! THAT FREAKING BURNS!"

"Dude. I'm not on fire, and my skin is only at the heat of a normal human's being skin."

"I forgot to mention that my body can pretty much be harmed by almost anything." Mr. Burns said.

* * *

Six hours later...

"Okay, here we are." The Ghost of Christmas Past said as he was carrying Mr. Burns on his huge bed as he landed outside of an very old school. "By the way, was it necessary to carry you on this bed."

"Not really. A chair would be okay." Mr. Burns said.

"Anyway, look at this." He said as the both of them were looking through a window at a child studying.

"That's me!" Mr. Burns said as he saw the young Burns being asked by his friends to go outside and play. The young Burns responded with a no as the two saw the young Burns.

"Oh yeah. By the way these people are just shadows who are familiar to your eyes." The Ghost of Christmas Past said. "Let's see a different Christmas."

Suddenly the young Burns in the past was now a teenager studying about physics and atoms in a book.

"I don't get it? What's the change here besides me being older?" Mr. Burns said as he saw the teenaged Burns through the window.

"Oh Monty!" A little girl said as she entered the classroom.

"That's Cornelia, my little sister!" Mr. Burns said in joy as he saw his sister picking up the teenaged Burns. "We used to play a lot together until... she married that Sancho man... Sancho was a man who uses people. He was an awful man... I rather not talk about it..."

"Uh-huh. I'm bored here and only get paid for twelve bucks an hour, so let's see a different Christmas..." The Ghost of Christmas Past spoke.

* * *

Mr. Burns and the Ghost of Christmas Past were now at a small house surrounded by snow as they saw a small child holding a teddy bear surrounded by two adults.

"This is my childhood! And that's bobo!" Mr. Burns said until he saw a fancy limousine on the road near their house.

"Who's that?" The Ghost of Christmas Past as he saw a man in the limousine.

"That's Wainwright Montgomery Burns. He's responsible for turning a carefree boy to an wicked old man..." Mr. Burns said as he saw the young boy entering the limousine and left his teddy bear in the snow...

"I don't want to see this... Take me somewhere more... happy..." Mr. Burns said as he closed his eyes and turned around.

* * *

Mr. Burns opened his eyes and saw the insides of the gym but also three men.

"This is the Yale dance!" Mr. Burns said in excitement.

"You said happy, so here it is." The Ghost of Christmas Past said.

"That's me at Yale, and that's Waylon Smither's Sr. and the Principle of Yale!" Mr. Burns smiled.

Suddenly the three people faded away as the clock's time changed, more people appeared including the three before, and music was heard. Mr. Burns saw different people dancing but he also saw past Burns alone sitting at the bench.

"Hey Burns." A drunken Waylon Smither's Sr. said to Past Burns as he was holding his hand with a lady.

"What is it? I feel like I don't belong here..." Past Burns said.

"Oh okay. Me and my lady... are going to... do it tonight... I know you keep calling me... a puss... but I'll do it!... I'm a man now..." Waylon Smither's Sr. said.

"And that so called, 'Man' just earned himself a baby." The Ghost of Christmas Past laughed.

"Shush. Look!" Mr. Burns said as he saw a lady coming towards Past Burns.

"Hello there handsome man." The lady said towards Past Burns.

"Lily? What are you doing? Don't you have a date already?" Past Burns said.

"My date cheated on me... but I do see someone special..." Lily Bancroft said to Past Burns.

"Who's that?" A Confused Past Burns said.

"Your joking right?"

Past Burns just sat there confused staring at Lily.

"It's you. Now come on. Let's dance." Lily Bancroft said as he grabbed Past Burns wrist and pulled him off the bench.

The old man and the ghost saw the couple dancing.

"Let's go to another Christmas of this love." The Ghost of Christmas Past.

* * *

Mr. Burns and The Ghost of Christmas Past were now at a battlefield during World War II. They saw an American Unit called the Flying Hellfish fighting the Fascist Germans.

"What does a battlefield have to do with love?" Mr. Burns said.

"What about that?" The Ghost of Christmas Past said as an American Troop shot a German's heart out.

"Monty! We need ammo quick! Monty?" Past Abe said as he was using rocks as cover.

"Can you be quiet. I'm writing back to my girlfriend." Past Burns said as he was writing a letter.

"Girlfriend? Why didn't you say so? Take a break everyone." Past Abe said as he ignored all the gun shooting and artillery explosions.

"He's writing a letter for his girlfriend. Aww..." A German said as all of them including the Americans stopped shooting.

"What is wrong with you! I told you all to shoot!" A German Sergeant yelled at his unit.

"But that American over there is writing a letter for his girlfriend." The German answered.

"Girlfriend? Why didn't you say so! Take five everyone! Then it's back to war!" The German Sergeant said as Mr. Burns and the Ghost watched.

"You know what I wrote at the end of that letter." Mr. Burns said.

"What?" The Ghost said.

"I wrote 'I love you' to Lily." Mr. Burns said.

"Yes... that is until this..." The Ghost of Christmas Past said as the battlefield changed into another memory of Mr. Burns past.

* * *

Mr. Burns and the Ghost were in an large office. They could see a large window showing the construction of a Nuclear Power Plant. This was Mr. Burns Office. They saw a young Mr. Burns who still had hair as he was working.

"Why are you showing this awful memory!" Mr. Burns yelled at the ghost.

The ghost did not respond and just ignored.

Suddenly a woman named Lily Bancroft came into the office.

"Well, were getting married soon..." Lily smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I need to intend to another meeting soon." The Past Burns said.

"Well... I got you a picture of us at our first Yale dance!" Lily said.

"Put that away. I need to sign more papers." The Past Burns said angrily.

"Monty! I think we need to talk about this!" Lily said.

"Talk about what? You distracting me from work, when I have a whole Nuclear Plant under construction that could destroy millions of lives if I don't work! Talk about it when the Nuclear Plant is opened for business. And call me Mr. Burns!" Past Burns yelled at Lily.

"This marriage is just off!" Lily yelled at Past Burn as she was about to left but stopped for a sec. "Also... I'm pregnant... there I said it!" She left the office as Past Burns was surprised for a minute there.

"Lily Bancroft... After she gave birth to Larry Burns, she died a little later... I never got to say 'I love you' at the end..." Mr. Burns said as the Ghost watched.

"I still have one more memory to show..." The Ghost of Christmas Past said.

"One more memory? Stop showing me this!" Mr. Burns said as suddenly the office turned into an place outside of the Nuclear Reactor Room but within the Nuclear Plant. "What is this now?"

* * *

"I believe you remember this." The Ghost of Christmas Past said as they saw another aged Past Burns, but has grey hair, and Waylon Smither's Sr. holding his baby, Waylon Smither's Jr.

Mr. Burns saw Waylon Smither's Sr. entering the Nuclear Reactor Room as the Nuclear Power Plant was going to have another meltdown and had alarms and speakers that said, "DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!" repeatedly.

"Look at your hero out there." Past Burns smiled as he looked through the door's window of the Nuclear Reactor to see Waylon Smither's Sr. "Making funny faces, shedding his hair... falling to the ground... oh my..."

"Sir." Waylon Smither's Jr. spoke as a baby as Past Burns smiled at him.

"I have more things to show you, Burns." The Ghost of Christmas Past said.

"I said no MORE!" Mr. Burns said as he took a metal cap from the Ghost of Christmas Past and used it to extinguish him, only some problems happened with it.

"Ow! Why did you hit me with that?" The Ghost of Christmas Past said.

"I thought this would extinguish you..." Mr. Burns said.

"Plus, where did you even found that! I'm not some weird dude carrying something that could extinguish my own flames. I'm not even on fire! I'm leaving now!" The Ghost of Christmas Past said as he left the old man.

Suddenly everything faded away and Mr. Burns was standing in his bedroom again. He was about to sit in his chair near the toasty fire until he heard loud laughing.

"Oh what now!" Mr. Burns said as he followed the laughter leading to a door.

He opened the door and saw a large room he has never been to before in his own mansion. What he saw in the room was decorated in Christmas joy, but he also saw a huge giant in a green colorful coat and...

"I'm hearing voices again... heh heh..." The Ghost of Christmas Present said or Ian the Hippie Freak.

"Who are you!" Mr. Burns said.

"I am the HEH HEH! I am the UH HAH HAH! I am the AH HAH HAH! I am the HAH HAH HAH... wait a minute. The Gho... HAH HAH! Ghost of Christmas... HAH! HAH!" The gigantic Ian laughed too much as he interrupted himself and can't even finish a sentence. "Wait a minute... okay... okay... I am the Ghost of Christmas... HAH HAH HAH!"

Suddenly the Ghost couldn't take it anymore and vomited all over Mr. Burns.

"Sorry I just... HAH HAH!..." The Ghost said as he took some vitamins. "Okay there. I... heh, heh... took my vitamins... It will come back so let's get this over with whoever you are. Anyway, I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Oh wait... that's not right... I think it was... Future... no... What was between the Future and the Past?"

"The Present?" Mr. Burns answered.

"What does a gift have to do with anything?" The Ghost said. "Anyway, I'm here to teach you a lesson of what you did which is... something bad... I'm guessing drugs or something..."

"That sounds like you." Mr. Burns said.

"Your hallucinating right now, talking donkey." The Ghost said as he was smoking Marijuana.

"What makes you think I'm a donkey? Your calling me a jackass aren't you!"

"I don't know what you think, but all you need is an ogre and dating some dragons." The Ghost said. "Anyway, where was I... Oh yeah. I will show you shadows that you must see..."

* * *

"Where are we and how did we got here?" Mr. Burns said as he was in an apartment size living room with pink walls and has a small kitchen and a table.

"We got here through teleporting, man." The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"You can teleport?" Mr. Burns said.

"I can teleport? I must be on drugs. Who am I again?" The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"You're a Spirit trying to teach me to be good, if that ever happens." Mr. Burns said.

"Oh yeah, I thought I was supposed to go back into time warn John F. Kennedy and Abe Lincoln about something... If only I could remember... Oh well..." The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"Look! Someone's coming to the door!" Mr. Burns said as the door knob turned.

A man stepped into the Apartment room revealing to be Smither's.

"Smither's? You're going to make me good by seeing Smither's? Hah! Like that's ever going to happen!" Burns laughed.

"I don't know about that..." The Ghost of Christmas Present said as the two saw Smither's hearing a phone call.

Smither's took the phone and heard a voice on it.

"I see, uh huh... You love it! Great!" Smither's smiled as he grabbed a bunch of papers stapled together and went outside.

"What was that all about?" Mr. Burns said.

"You see, the man doesn't need you anymore after he wrote a novel about friendship and received loyalties and respect. Though the novel was edited a lot for some reason. I think the editors said that the friendship between two guys seemed... more strange than ever... I wonder what that meant..." The Ghost of Christmas Present said as he showed Smither's great future. "Later he became a movie director and made a movie about friendship in space. Though it didn't seem strange in the scripts at first because it wasn't made by Smither's. Anyway he then learn that sad endings are somehow the perfect endings and earned lot's of money. I just don't get that and..."

"Hey! Wait a minute. I thought you're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Why are you showing Smither's future?" Mr. Burns said.

"Let's show a different Christmas." The Ghost of Christmas Present said quickly as he warped himself and Mr. Burns.

* * *

"Where are we now Spirit?" Mr. Burns said.

"How would I know?" Ian suddenly forgot where he was. "Who are those guys?"

"Wait a minute... That's Larry, my son." Mr. Burns smiled.

"Oh now you smile at his party. First you don't accept his invitation and yell at him. Suddenly your all excited... I suddenly thought of a great idea for a comic book... now I forget..." The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"Aren't you the one who's suppose to help me?" Mr. Burns said.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Hey everybody! Let's play a guessing game." Larry Burns said as a shadow. "Okay, uh... first, it's something cruel..."

"A Tiger Shark?" A lady said.

"It's not an animal, but he's bald."

"The mafia in Asia?"

"He's crooked, cares about money, and a big jackass sometimes."

"It's Mr. Burns!" The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"Mr. Burns?" One of Larry's children guessed.

"Yep. Mr. Burns. My own father." Larry Burns said.

"Dang it! So close!" The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

No one cared if Larry Burns was the son of Mr. Burns. They just laughed with Larry as they made fun of the old man.

"My own son making fun of his father?" Mr. Burns said angrily.

"You got more things to worry about." The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

* * *

The Ghost of Christmas Present and Mr. Burns were now warped on the cold streets of Springfield.

"Look over there." The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

Mr. Burns and The Ghost saw Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders asking for donations as two Orphans were coughing near them.

"Ned. We only have below four hundred dollars now. Most of the rich men here have taken vacation at some fancy cities. The only rich man here right now is Mr. Burns." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"We will get the money for the Orphanage... I hope..." Ned said as he stared at the orphans continuously coughing.

"You think that will get me to cry, or forgive, or to feel sorry for them. Hah! I think not!" Mr. Burns said.

"You still don't feel pain for anyone. I have one last thing to show you... Ooh beer!" Ian said as he tried to grab the beer next to Ned but couldn't as it was not real and just a shadow of the Present. "Oh man... I become the Ghost of Christmas Present for this?"

* * *

The Ghost of Christmas Present and Mr. Burns were now in the suburbs of Springfield. They saw different people in joy, with their children, having presents for loved ones, and celebrating Christmas with families and friends. Mr. Burns was disgusted of what he saw.

"Come on. Burnsie." The Ghost of Christmas Present said as he grabbed Mr. Burns's arm and walked towards a house at Evergreen Terrace. The two took a look through the window and saw a large family.

"Wait a minute. That's Bart, Lisa, Marge, and where's Maggie and that... um... some guy named... who works at... I think somewhere in the Nuclear Power Plant." Mr. Burns said.

"Your mind is as old as your age." The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"Your mind is as old as sand. You can't remember anything." Mr. Burns said to the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Suddenly they saw a man with a child on his shoulder.

"I'm home from... work..." Homer said exhausted as he was carrying Maggie on his shoulder and that only Marge was setting up the dinner table as the others were watching TV. "But I did hang out with my little girl, Maggie. Isn't that right?"

Maggie was laughing as Mr. Burns watched. But she also coughed a bit.

"Did you went to Doctor Hibbert to find out about Maggie's strange fever?" Marge said.

"Yeah. The doctor said it's small and can go away. It's also possible that it can turn huge and that we need to pay for some expensive medicine but I have no worries." Homer said.

"I don't know about this. The fever that Maggie has can also... well... lead to something horrible. Technically I can't say it, because the baby is still here..." Marge said.

"Don't worry Marge. It's Christmas Eve. Just sit down and relax." Homer said as he cheered up Marge.

"Dinners ready!" Marge yelled as everyone rushed into the room to eat like the stereotypical American would.

The two saw the family in joy as they talked, eat, and shared their stories at the large dinner table.

Suddenly Mr. Burns and the Ghost of Christmas Present warped outside of the Nuclear Power Plant at night where it was snowing.

"Spirit. Will the child..."

"The child who is sick will die if she doesn't get the full medical attention that the family needs." The Ghost of Christmas Present spoke. "The family at first think it's just a minor disease that will go away in a second. Soon, it will grow and grow into something they cannot fix. What I see is a tombstone with that child's name on it . If these shadows continue to remain unaltered, than the yet to come will happen.."

"The Yet to Come? What's that Spirit?"

"How the heck would I know. I'm here for... I'm in it for the booze and drugs. The Yet to Come is for the next spirit... Also, careful when you meet the next spirit... And HA HAH! Oh dang it... HA HA!... it's coming back!... HA HAH HAH!" The Ghost of Christmas Spirit laughed as he faded away...

"Careful when I meet the next spirit? What does that mean?" Mr. Burns said alone as he turned around to wait for the next Spirit as it was night outside of the Nuclear Power Plant.

Something was also strange too him... He felt a strange wind that was only flowing through his back... The wind also felt unpleasant... Mr. Burns turned around and saw a man in black robes as a hood covered his whole head.

"Are you the Spirit of The Yet to Come?" Mr. Burns said to the silent shadow as unpleasant wind came again.

(Extra Scene)

Ian woke up as he was in his Music Store.

"Yo Ian." Bart said as he looked at him on the floor.

"Hi there... I had somekind of weird dream man... I was like speaking two these two lawyers with angel wings or something in this cloudy space... and they told me that I have a chance to go to heaven if I become this Ghost of Christmas Present... man... Who are you by the way?"

"I'm Bart Simpson." Bart said.

"My name is Ian, not Bart... Oh hi Bart..." Ian said as he got up from the floor.

Suddenly a dog came out of Ian's office looking like he had a headache.

"What's that dog doing there and why do I have a condom on... Oh boy..." Ian said. "I think I left the sink on at home!"


	23. Mr Burns Christmas Carol Part II

"Hello there again!" Matt Groening said. "This is Part II of Mr. Burns Christmas Carol and also probably the darkest part. Now we will also..."

"Dude! Lots of people pretty much read the Christmas Carol book or movies that are similar to it." The Cameraman said.

"You know what! Oh 'BLEEP' this! Yeah that's right! I said a word that I'm not suppose to say on television. You know what! If you're so good at this whole Christmas thing Cameraman! Then why don't you do it!" Matt Groening said angrily as he left the stage.

Suddenly the Cameraman stepped in his place.

"Uh... Let's begin where we started at Battle Star Galactica... I mean Mr. Burns Christmas Carol." The Cameraman said.

* * *

"What are you going to do spirit?" Mr. Burns said as the tall blacked robed figure rose from his shadow to a more physical form.

"What am I going to do? I'm going to tell you why you were here!" Bill Clinton said as he took off the black hood

"Bill Clinton? What are you doing here? You're not even dead!" Mr. Burns said.

"Well Bart, again, I'm supposed to tell you why you need parents for..."

"Wait a minute? I'm not Bart."Mr. Burns said.

"That might explain why you're so old and bald. So what spirit are you waiting for?" Bill Clinton said.

"The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come." Mr. Burns said.

"Oh... Yeah... I'm going to leave now... because... um... I left my car keys... at my wife's house..." Bill Clinton said in fear as he faded away.

"What was all that for?" Mr. Burns thought as he felt a strange wind again behind him.

He turned around and saw his shadow forming into a more taller and thinner black robed being with skeleton hands that were almost thin as needles but also close to a small stick.

"You can stop acting all scary now Bill Clinton." Mr. Burns said.

The shadow figured didn't responded...

"Hello?... Wait a minute... are you the real... Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?" Mr. Burns said.

The shadow figured still did not respond...

"If you are... then I fear you more than any Spirit I have ever seen." Mr. Burns said as he bent down both his knee.

The shadow figure did not respond... Mr. Burns didn't know if he should be angry or should still fear the ghost, but this one ghost was somehow different and more mysterious than the last two he met. "Come on. You're supposed to turn me good. I have precious time for my business at the plant."

Suddenly the shadow figure responded, but not by words. His hand rose from the shadow revealing that it wasn't just a bone but in a blackish color that was about to grab Mr. Burns's head. Instead Mr. Burns just tripped as he saw the hand causing him to fall and close his eyes.

A little later, the man opened his eyes and found himself at the middle of Springfield daytime, where he saw the town hall, the Jebediah Springfield statue, and some other stores covered in light snow. He noticed three men laughing but he also noticed that the Spirit wasn't here...

"I know these men. Smither's! Reverend Lovejoy! and... uh... that one guy he keeps on saying 'Diddly' or 'Doodly' all the time." Mr. Burns said as he listened to their conversation on the stairs of the Town Hall.

"So Smither's. You think that's the perfect site for the new orphanage." Reverend said.

"Yep. After all. The man is dead." Smither's said.

"You shouldn't make fun of the dead." Ned said. "Oh well, I have only one life on Earth. So, are you going to visit the man's funeral."

"Only if lunch is provided." Smither's laughed with the other two men.

"What the heck are they talking about?" Mr. Burns said as daytime went to nightfall. Suddenly Mr. Burns's shadow changed into the tall black robed figure again. His bony blackish colored hands rose from the shadow as Mr. Burns saw it in black cloth pointing at west from the town hall. "I don't get it? There's nothing there."

Suddenly the shadows of the stores formed into large dogs with red eyes growling at Mr. Burns.

"Uh... How is this helping me become good?..." Mr. Burns said as he noticed something about the dogs that has collars around there necks. "Wait a minute. Those are my hounds! Why do you have control over my hounds!"

Suddenly the hounds started to run after Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns decided that he should run which he should've done three minutes ago, but even so the old man could run but it was hard for him due to his age. The hounds kept on chasing the old man through the town until Mr. Burns bumped into someone in an alley.

"Hello Burnsie? HAH HAH!" The ghost of Iggy Wiggum, a member of the Flying Hellfish, said as they were drunk in the dark alleys.

"It's the trouble maker we had? He's still alive!" The Ghost of Arnie Gumble laughed as the hounds weren't here.

"He's even chased by his own hounds!" The Ghost of Sheldon Skinner laughed.

"Who even cares about the old man. Oh doggies! Mr. Burns is right here! Take a bite out of him! He's like old jerky from the ground!" The Ghost of Oxford laughed.

"AHH!" Mr. Burns screamed as the hounds found him. Mr. Burns ran through the Veteran Ghosts and was now on the streets of Springfield. Suddenly he realized something. "Wait! I get it now! You want me to know how others feel when there attacked by the hounds! I get it now!"

Suddenly the dogs turned to black dust, but that black dust reformed as the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. He looked more like the Grim Reaper, but more taller, as he stood with a body rather than as a shadow.

* * *

"Where are we now Spirit?" Mr. Burns said as he saw an abandoned small house in the middle of the snow with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come in his true from rather than his shadow form. "Is that... that where I used to live as a child?"

The spirit just responded by pointing at his old abandoned house slowly with his finger made of black bone.

"What will I find there?" Mr. Burns asked.

The Spirit just kept on pointing at the abandoned house. Mr. Burns and the Spirit walked towards to the abandoned house and entered it. It was more destroyed in the inside than the outside, even if it was small. Suddenly the Spirit pointed to a large hole on the floor of the small abandoned house. There was snow in the large hole but something else as Mr. Burns walked to it.

"Wha... what is there spirit?" Mr. Burns said as the Spirit just kept on pointing it with his finger. The old man walked to the hole on the floor and saw something small sticking out of the snow. The man grabbed the object but it was a little hard for him because of snow becoming heavier than him, but he still manage to pull out the small object.

"My... my... it's bobo's head..." Mr. Burns said as he has the teddy bear's head in his hand. "I had many memories here and they were crushed and shattered... Spirit, what good will this do to me? Where am I now?"

* * *

Mr. Burns saw a very familiar place to him but it was in ruins.

"This... this is the plant... but it looks abandoned!... How did this happened?..." Mr. Burns said as he turned around to see his shadow changed into the appearance of the spirit. Suddenly he pointed at an abandoned building that is a part of the Nuclear Power Plant.

7 min. later, Burns entered his old office. It too was in ruins. The ceiling fell apart, a beam is on the floor, one of the shelves are missing.

"My my..." Mr. Burns said with a sad look on his face as the Spirit in his shadow pointed at the main entrance of this office showing three people entering it.

"It's them again. What does Smither's, Ned, and Reverend want this time?" Mr. Burns said angrily.

"So, you think that an Nuclear Power Plant with radiation, poisoning, and had several meltdowns here are a good place for a new orphanage?" Ned said a little worried.

"Don't worry. I worked here and I know how this plant works. Plus, the plant is shutdown. All we need to do is remove it carefully." Smither's said.

"That will take a lot of time, but I think we can do it, Smither's... Smither's?" Reverend called out his name.

Mr. Burns saw Smither's staring a portrait of him in the office.

"Smither's? Do you still miss the old man?" Ned said.

"...Well...no... He's an old crooked man who uses money and power to destroy pieces and pieces of this town's spirit. He only cares about himself." Smither's said as he began to leave.

"Is that really what I am?" Mr. Burns said as he watched the three men leave.

The Spirit just stood there silently.

"What else I must see?" Mr. Burns asked.

Suddenly the whole building ripped apart into pieces as Mr. Burns screamed until he was on the floor of a bedroom.

"Where am I now Spirit?" Mr. Burns said.

The Spirit pointed at someone hidden by a blanket on the bed.

"What the heck is this? That man is dead! Wait? What are you doing?" Mr. Burns said as the Spirit rose from Mr. Burns's shadow in his true from and was about to take the blanket off. "Wait! I don't want to see that man yet, but tell me this. Did that man's death caused any serious effect on people?

* * *

They were suddenly at a living room of a mansion. Mr. Burns saw a woman and some children sitting down at the couch.

"I'm home!" Larry Burns said as he entered the living room.

"Why are you home so late?" The woman said as Mr. Burns watched.

"Oh don't worry wife. I had information about his death."

"His death? That's wonderful!" Larry Burns's wife said.

"Yep. I don't even care if we get the money from the man. I'm just glad he's dead." Larry Burns said as suddenly the living room changed back to the bedroom where the dead man is still under the blankets of the bed.

Suddenly Mr. Burns went furious.

"SPIRIT! Why do you show me this! I don't understand! I... I... I want to go somewhere more happy! Show me a happy future of this yet to come!" Mr. Burns said.

* * *

Suddenly the Spirit grabbed Mr. Burns causing the bedroom to tore into pieces as Mr. Burns was in the sky.

"AHH! THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT BY HAPPY!" Mr. Burns screamed in the sky until he fell into a suburb area. He stood up from the fall, not dead, and knew the place as the Spirit rose from his shadow again in his true form. "This is Evergreen Terrace! A place with joy and happiness and... Wait a minute... something's not right... Where is everyone? Where are the presents, the children laughing, the joyful chatting... and it's raining... even more strange... it's too quiet... Spirit! What's going on here!"

The Spirit just pointed at a familiar house to them.

"The Simpsons? That place is filled with joy, eh?" Mr. Burns asked.

He didn't respond and just kept on pointing at the house. Mr. Burns walked towards the house and tried to look through the window. Suddenly a skeleton's arm with black cloth appeared from the walls and pulled Mr. Burns inside the house like a ghost.

"What was that for?" Mr. Burns said as his shadow formed into the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. "What's this?"

Mr. Burns saw a sad family sitting at the dinner table as Homer entered the living room.

"What did the doctor say?" Marge asked.

"Uh... How do I put this... The doctor said that we need money... for Maggie's or she'll... um... "Homer said.

"That stupid old man..." Bart said sitting his chair staring at the candles on the table.

"Why did it had to come to this?" Lisa said with a sad look on her face as tears came out of her eyes.

"What will we do Homer?" Marge asked.

"I don't know! The Nuclear Plant is shutdown, I have no job, and... and... I don't know..." Homer said.

"Spirit. What are they arguing about?" Mr. Burns asked.

The Spirit pointed his finger upstairs as Mr. Burns looked.

"Okay?..." Mr. Burns said as he took a step on the stairs. He started walking as the Ghost of Yet to Come followed him through his shadow.

The Ghost than pointed towards a room. Mr. Burns entered the room and saw a sick little child in a crib coughing too much, had a high fever with a bag of ice on the forehead, and was covered in warm thick blankets. The child that Mr. Burns saw was Maggie Simpson.

"Why do you show me this Spirit?" Mr. Burns asked quietly with a sad look. "What's the point if you won't even respond to my words!"

The Ghost of Yet to Come ignored his words and pointed at Homer Simpson who entered the room. Mr. Burns just watched the man as he sat on a small chair who smiled at his daughter.

"Hush little baby don't you cry. Papa's going to buy you an apple pie." Homer sang as Maggie slowly smiled in her crib. "If that apple pie turns sour. Papa's going to buy you a pretty flower. If that flower starts to fade. Papa's going to buy you some lemonade. If that lemonade's too cold. Papa's going to buy you a ring of gold... Hush little baby... don't... you... cr..cr..cry..."

Mr. Burns just watched the fat man as he grabbed a book about Alice in Wonderland with a sad look on his face as tears fell out of his eyes.

"Spirit... Something tells me that our parting moment is coming to hand." Mr. Burns said as he watched the man reading the book in tears. "Tell me. What will happen to the child? Will... she be... okay?"

* * *

Suddenly the house that Mr. Burns was destroyed into pieces as Mr. Burns was now in a cemetery. The old man saw a funeral at this cemetery as the wind was snowing harder each min.

"Here lies Maggie, she was too young and too sweet to die at an age of this." Reverend Lovejoy said. "At times like this, we feel sorrow, fear, and even tears of anger, but let us remember all the good times that this child has brought to this family, The Simpsons."

Homer came up to the tombstone and placed a flower on it as he and his family left along with Reverend. Mr. Burns walked to the tombstone speechless as the name, "Maggie Simpson" was on it.

"No... why..." Mr. Burns said with an even sadder look on his face as he stared at Maggie's Tombstone.

Suddenly the winds were growing stronger as suddenly the Ghost of Yet to Come appeared in his true form within the snowy winds.

"Sp...Sp... Spirit... who was that dead man on the bed that caused all this? The one that caused this innocent child's death." Mr. Burns said.

The Spirit pointed at a tombstone covered in snow as the wind grew angrier than before. It was almost strong as a blizzard. Mr. Burns walked to the tombstone and was about to see who was the dead man until he spoke.

"Tell me Spirit. Before I draw close to this stone to which I will see..." Mr. Burns said as he fell to his knees. "Are these the shadows that will be or are these the shadows that may be? Can all of this change?"

The Ghost of Yet to Come just kept on pointing at the stone as Mr. Burns went even more closer to the stone. He wiped off the snow and was suddenly surprised. The stone said, "Montgomery Charles Burns". Suddenly the Ghost of Yet to Come now pointed at Mr. Burns.

"No...no, no, no... Am I the lonely hated man who was dead on the bed?" Mr. Burns yelled with sorrow as The Ghost of Yet to Come did not respond and just pointed at him within the cold winds rushing like a pack of wolves. "I am not the man I was! Please tell me I have another chance!"

Suddenly The Ghost of Yet to Come pointed at the tomb stone causing snow to fall off revealing more of Mr. Burns unfortunate future. Mr. Burns saw it and it said, "Montgomery Charles Burns. Born in 1881. Died in Dec. 25th, Christmas Eve. A man with no heart or love."

Suddenly Burns saw the spirit unhooding himself. The old man saw the spirit's face and it surprised him as it looked like him.

"A man of business. No donations for the needy. Who the heck cares about the employees. Excellent. Heh, heh. Blocking out the sun. Who needs people or love, Smither's? Bye bye old folks. Children? What have they ever done for me?" The Ghost of Yet to Come spoke in Mr. Burns's voice as he looked like Mr. Burns.

"What the heck are you?" Mr. Burns said as he was fearing this ghost more than the other two.

"I'm just a man of business..." The Ghost of Yet to Come said as he still held the face of Mr. Burns on his head.

Suddenly Mr. Burns stepped away from the Spirit in fear until he tripped on a root causing him to fall in a rectangular hole. Mr. Burns held on to a large root in the hole and looked down to see a coffin sitting on top of the flames of hell as the door opened.

"HELP ME!" Mr. Burns screamed in fear until he saw the tall Ghost of Yet to Come watching the old man trying to get out of his grave.

The Ghost of Yet to Come reached his hand to him. Mr. Burns think he was trying to help him get out of hid doom, but it was different as Mr. Burns grabbed his bony blackish hand. The skin and flesh of Mr. Burn's hand suddenly rotted and dissolved as the Spirit grabbed his hand. The old man could only see the bones of his hand now. He suddenly screamed more until he saw the true appearance of the Ghost of Yet to Come.

"AHHH!" Mr. Burns screamed in fear as he saw a skull under the Ghost's hood with a blue glow on the left eye hole and bugs coming out on the right.

"I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the years I live! I will not shout out the lessons that all you spirits have teach! Please tell me that I can still sponge away the writing on that stone which I saw!"

Mr. Burns opened his eyes as he was still holding onto the Ghost of Yet to Come hand. The most feared spirit let go of Mr. Burns's hand as he fell to his grave screaming and screaming continuously.

* * *

"Please... please... spirit that I have another chance... and... huh?" Mr. Burns said as he was on the floor in his bedroom covered in his blankets. "Where am I now? Wait a minute. It's morning... I'm alive!... And... it's the day before Christmas!... The spirit's gave me another chance..."

Mr. Burns went to the window of his bedroom and said, "You there boy!"

"Aren't you that bad man who sued my father for stealing your burger." Ralph Wiggum said.

"Uh... no... Anyway, I have cash here. I want you to buy the biggest turkey from the Kwik-E-Mart and send it to The Simpsons!" Mr. Burns said.

"What's in it for me!" Ralph said.

"Uh... how about a buck?" Mr. Burns said.

"A quarter! Take it or leave it!" Ralph said.

"Sure. Sure. Just follow my instructions and you get many quarters you want!" Mr. Burns said.

"I think he go insane." Ralph thought.

* * *

Later at the church

"Man, we still don't have enough." Ned said as he counted the money to 700$.

"What are we going to do?" Reverend said.

"I heard that Smither's is making a novel. If he turns out rich we could ask him for..."

"That won't be needed gentlemen." Mr. Burns said with an evil grin.

"It's you! What do you want now!" Reverend said.

"What do I want! All you people asking questions that can drive the elderly insane, asking for free money which you need to work hard for it, and think that someone else is going to do the work! Because of this! I am going to give you a large donation!" Mr. Burns yelled at them angrily.

"Uh... what?" Ned said.

"You heard me!" Mr. Burns laughed. "A large donation."

"This could be a trap..." Reverend whispered to Ned as Mr. Burns gave them a check.

"Hmm... strange, your signature isn't fake, the paper isn't written on toilet paper, and it doesn't have that explosive plastic on it like last time. Are you up to something?" Reverend Lovejoy said to the man.

"No, no. I have a change of heart all because of three spirits!" Mr. Burns laughed as he walked away.

"The man really has a change of heart or he's probably been to the mental hospital." Ned said.

* * *

Mr. Burns was at an apartment building as he was knocking on someone's door. The door opened revealing a familiar man who worked with the old man for many years.

"What do you want now Burns. I'm working on a novel and I need peace and quiet." Smither's said.

"Novel, eh? Anyway, I'm a new man Smither's. How would you like it, if you got your job back? This time, will celebrate like ogres." Mr. Burns said with a smile.

"I don't know..." Smither's said as he looked at Mr. Burns smiling. "Oh... what the heck. Sure I'll take back my job. Anyway, I should get some party hats for this celebration."

"Oh, and don't forget eyeballs and flies." Mr. Burns said.

"Huh? Why do we need that?" Smither's said.

"I said were celebrating like Ogres..." Mr. Burns said angrily. "Just joking, joking. Anyway, I have to have a visit to a family member."

* * *

The next day, Dec. 25th.

Mr. Burns was at the door of a mansion, not as big as his but it was big. The old man knocked on the door as a butler opened it.

"Hello. I'm..."

"Yes I know. You must be Mr. Burns, the guy who stole Christmas somewhere in 1981 to 1985. Larry told me all about you."

"Yeah... good times... but anyway, I came here to visit my son Larry..." Mr. Burns said.

"Fine. Come this way sir." The butler said as he showed him the way.

Mr. Burns was about to enter the living room until he heard voices through the door. Familiar ones during the visit of the Ghost of Christmas Present.

"A Tiger Shark?" A lady said.

"It's not an animal, but he's bald." Larry Burns said.

"The mafia in Asia?"

"He's crooked, cares about money, and a big jackass sometimes."

Mr. Burns entered the living room seeing a bunch of people.

"Mr. Burns?" A child said from the couch.

"Your right it's... Mr. Burns?" Larry Burns said as he saw his dad in the living room.

"Uh... I came here... to join in the party... it's not too late is it?" Mr. Burns asked.

"Of course not! Meet my wife and the rest of my family!" Larry Burns smiled as he showed Mr. Burns his wife, children, and other family members that the old man hasn't seen before.

* * *

Mr. Burns was in his office as Smither's was waiting for him.

"Should I tell the employees to get to work?" Smither's said.

"Smither's? How dare you say that? It's Christmas morning!" Mr. Burns said.

Suddenly Smither's dropped his jaws as Mr. Burns was acting like a daisy rather than a tyrant.

Mr. Burns held up a microphone and spoke through the speakers.

"Hello everyone! I had a change of plans today. You will all have Christmas Bonuses." Mr. Burns said cheerfully. "Your paychecks are now full, you know what! Your Paychecks have been increased! Not only that, you can all have a day off... Oh, though I wish to speak to uh... Smither's? What's his name again."

"Homer Simpsons sir." Smither's said as Mr. Burns was still on the speaker.

"Simpson, eh." Mr. Burns said.

"Sir. Your finger is still on the speakers."

"Who cares. It's Christmas. Anyway, I wish to speak to a Homer Simpson right now." Mr. Burns said.

* * *

5 min. later.

Homer Simpson entered Mr. Burns's office as the old man looked angry.

"Simpson. You're in big big trouble for all the... Wait a minute... What did you do here..." Mr. Burns said as he looked at information about Homer Simpson. "Ahh... you're in big trouble for Twenty Two Meltdowns... TWENTY TWO MELTDOWNS?... I mean, Twenty Two Meltdowns..."

Homer was acting nervous thinking he would be fired.

"Because of this... I'm going to have to double your salary and others who have children." Mr. Burns said angrily.

"Oh please don't fire me. I work hard and... What? Double my salary?" Homer realized what he just said.

"Yep. I will do everything I can to help your family and others to health." Mr. Burns said as he pushed Homer towards the exit. "Now go on then. It's Christmas."

Mr. Burns closed the doors as Homer was in the hallway of the building.

"Cuckoo." Homer said as he thinks Mr. Burns was in a mental hospital.

* * *

Later in the streets of snowy Springfield.

"Yep, yep. The three spirits sure have changed him." The Cameraman said as Mr. Burns smiled with Maggie on his shoulder. "Today, Mr. Burns has became a new man... well, pretty much just December. He's still evil in the other months, but hey, he's helping the orphans, gave Smither's his job back, and helped Maggie Simpson nursed back to health and..."

"Hey? Who the heck are you?" Moe said to the Cameraman.

"I'm the narrator ever since Matt Groening quit."

"Narrator? You keep on talking in my head and no one believes me!" Homer said.

"You're talking about a different Narrator!" The Cameraman spoke as many Springfieldians were ganging up on him.

"Just who do you think you are?" Bill Clinton said.

"Come on! Let's beat this guy up!" Barney Gumble said.

"I would, but this baby is so heavy." Mr. Burns said in the snow as Maggie was on his shoulder.

"Dude. Why am I still in this costume?" Ian said as we was wearing the clothes of the Ghost of Christmas Present.

And a Happy Merry Christmas to you All.

"Rip his legs apart!" A man said.

"Scratch his eyes out!" Another man said.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Bart Simpson entered the music store and saw different guys playing poker with Ian.

"Hey Ian? Who are these guys?" Bart said.

"Oh. Well, that's the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Yet to Come, and Bill Clinton." Ian said.

"Hey Ghost of Yet to Come? Why do you always have to scare people to change?" Bill Clinton said.

"How would I know?" the Ghost of Yet to Come spoke.

Suddenly every person in the music store looked at the Ghost of Yet to Come.

"Did he just spoke without using changing his face and voice to copy someone?" Bart said.

"Oh look at the time. I have to go!" The Ghost of Yet to Come spoke again as he ran outside.

"This is got to be the most weirdest adaptation of the Christmas Carol." Ian said.


	24. Vandalism 1

Handyman (Handyman is a character from my fanfic. chapter "My name is". Handyman is just a nickname for the kid as his real name just keeps on getting interrupted.) and Bashir (He is the Muslim character from the episode, "Mypods and Boomsticks") are going to be introduced in this story. This story might introduce their personality a little more. If you still don't know there personality, than look at the end of the story.

Also, if you don't know I **sometimes **take requests and I have put some small news on my profile page about New Tree House of Horror III and it's release in this chapter.

* * *

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch until the couch and the family get crushed by a boulder. Suddenly George Lucas comes.

"What the heck is this? This boulder is supposed to be back in the studio for the new Indiana Jones movie!" George Lucas said.

Ralph The Word scene: "I love blueberries. This will be perfect for pie!" Ralph said as he ate a blueberry.

"You do know that those berries are poisonous... right?" Marc said within Ralph's mind.

"I need... to make... a poo poo." Ralph said as he fell to the floor. "Oh wait... now I don't."

"That's disgusting!" Marc said. "I wondering how I can even smell it!"

* * *

Bart, Nelson, Milhouse, Bashir and Handyman were bored as they were laying, sitting, or drooling in the tree house. It was winter in December so the five kids were wearing different types of clothes during the cold season. Bart was wearing a blue jacket and snow pants. Nelson was wearing a dirty, slightly ripped red jacket as he was wearing jeans with mud on the knees. Milhouse was wearing snow pants and a "Hello Kitty" hoodie on. Bashir was wearing a coat, a scarf, and some jeans. Handyman still wore sunglasses and still had messy brown hair but wore a brown coat with jeans on.

"So bored..." Bart said staring at the wooden ceiling.

"We could do a snowball fight..." Nelson said staring at the ground.

"We already did that..." Bart stared at his friends all day.

"I'm so tired. How about we just bake some cookies and sell it to the poor." Milhouse suggested.

"I like cookies!" Bashir said.

"Dude. You like anything that has lots of sugar." Handyman said. "Now we need to do something that doesn't involving something we already did, not girly, or sweets."

"Watcha doing?" Lisa said as she entered the Treehouse with a red coat and pink snowpants.

Suddenly the boys looked at her thinking that she's going to make there day even more boring than ever.

"Were trying to think of something, but we don't know what to do." Bart said.

"Well... you could visit that new Krusty statue there building next to the Krusty Burger." Lisa said.

"Bart! Your sister is a genius!" Handyman said.

"Oh... that's sweet." Lisa said.

"Will steal the Krusty Statue!" Handyman smiled.

"Uh... what?" Lisa said in surprise.

"Good job Lisa for the idea!" Bashir said.

"But I didn't suggest that."

"Your sister sure knows what to do in boring situations like this. I thought she was going to suggest books or planting trees" Nelson said with a smile.

"But I didn't suggest that! Your friend here just turn my idea into some vandalizing instrument." Lisa said.

"Lisa. I know you came up with the idea, but you don't have to brag about." Bart said.

"Yeah. Life is short Lisa. If you don't have the time of your life right now as a kid, later you might never experience and know what it feels like. So do you want to stay home and drink hot chocolate or do you want to steal a statue that might lead to jail!" Handyman said in an encouraging voice.

"Well... I like hot chocolate but..."

"She said 'But'. That means yes!" Bashir spoke.

"Well... I guess I could have some fun... I wonder when's the last time I have fun anyway?" Lisa said.

"I think that's when you started to learn what 'Education' and 'Hard Labor' is." Bart said.

* * *

It was nighttime, and the kids were in the garage searching for different tools. The garage was a place not only with tools, wood, and other supplies but with cobwebs, dust, and dirt nearly everywhere. It was supposed to be Homer's turn to clean three days ago but he decided to enjoy an ice cold beer on a nice relaxing couch.

"Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun." Lisa said repeatedly with a strange smile on her face.

"Dude. I think there's something wrong with your sister." Handyman said as he grabbed a wrench.

"Nah. That's how all girls act. There emotionally unstable." Bart said.

"Hey guys! Do we need a machete?" Lisa said as she was shaking a lot as if she drank coffee.

"Uh-huh. If Freddy or Jason isn't working out at Elm Street of Crystal Lake. We'll call you." Handyman joked.

"But really, do we need a machete?" Lisa said.

"Let me think about that... uh no." Handyman said.

"Are you okay Lisa?" Nelson said.

"Of course she's okay. She's just... haven't had fun for a while..." Bart said.

"I don't think chasing her own cat with a chainsaw makes her considered 'okay'." Handyman said as the boys saw Lisa chasing Snowball with a rusty chainsaw and saying, "Come here Mister Kitty, Kitty."

"Anyway... let's see here. We got Homer's car to carry the statue... Ned Flanders tools in Homer's garage... a group of us guys... and one girl who's nuts when it comes to hardcore fun..." Handyman said as he saw Lisa rolling in the grass with a smile.

"Are you sure that your sister is okay?" Milhouse said to Bart.

"What are you kids doing here?" Homer said as he saw a group of boys and a girl who may be crazy this time of the day.

"We just need to use your car and borrow your tools." Handyman said with a calm voice.

"What are you doing? Your giving us away!" Bart whispered in slight anger.

"Why do you need these things?" Homer said.

"You see, my sick sick Grandpa is at the hospital and I promised that I'll build him a wheelchair when he leaves that hospital." Handyman said.

"Isn't your parents rich? Can't you just buy one. Plus, doesn't the hospital just give one for free to the elderly?" Homer said.

"Well... yeah, but I don't really care about money..."

"You pretty much don't care about anything..." Nelson whispered.

"Anyway, my grandpa likes warm cozy wood for a wheelchair rather than those cold wheeled chairs."

"I see. Okay than, but the car better not be ruined." Homer said as he left through the door.

"Can you give me that bucket of black paint." Handyman asked.

"Why?" Bart said as he handed him the big bucket of black paint.

"Oh nothing... Whoops, I accidently dropped black paint on his car." Handyman said sarcastically as he poured black paint on his car and that the other kids smiled and chuckled a little. "I hope that big fat man won't come here with a gun and chase us with it. Oh no, his enormous butt is going to crush us all."

Suddenly the kids started to laugh a little more.

"I wonder if the fatman even knows that were eleven, except for Lisa, and were going to drive this car?" Bart chuckled.

* * *

Later in the living room.

Homer was watching a classic movie on TV with his wife. Marge noticed a worried look on Homer's face

"What's wrong Homie?" Marge said as Homer looked a little surprised.

"I don't know. My car sounds like she's in trouble... I better look..." Homer said.

"Oh no you don't! The kids are away for some time and were going to have fun as a couple." Marge said.

"Well... It's probably nothing... My car senses are probably just going strange." Homer said until he heard knocks on the main door of his house.

Homer and Marge went to the door and opened it revealing different men all over from Springfield.

"What are all you doing here?" Marge asked wondering why are they here.

"Our car senses told us that someone's car is in trouble." Moe said.

"Yes. Is your car okay Homer?" Dr. Hibbert said.

"Your here too, Ned Flanders?" Marge surprised that Ned was here all because of a car.

"Don't you know? Every man has a car senses during puberty." Ned Flanders said.

"Men and their cars..." Marge grunted angrily as Homer looked at her.

"Uh guys... My wife here isn't in a good mood about cars, plus I think it's nothing." Homer said.

"I don't know..." Mr. Burns said.

"Even my boss is here?" Homer thought in surprised.

"You must becareful. Car senses never lie!" Principle Skinner warned Homer.

* * *

The kids were standing near the closed Krusty Burger Restaurant at the drive-thru as they saw a Krusty Statue near the Smaller Drive-Thru Krusty statue where employees serve orders through an microphone.

"Let's see here." Bart said. "We got Flanders's tools which we 'borrowed' if you know what I mean, the car to carry this huge statue, and some beer cans to celebrate this new vandalism."

"Beer? When do we drink beer?" Milhouse said.

"You mean you never drank beer?" Nelson said.

"I haven't." Bashir said.

"Me either. Let's steal a younger kid!" Lisa said.

"Lisa. That's called kidnapping. Is this really your first time of fun, in other words causing trouble and mayhem all over this town." Handyman said. "Plus, you three haven't tried beer. It's good. Well, at first it seems disgusting but you'll get used to it."

"So you three tasted this stuff?" Bashir asked.

"I tasted it three times. The first caused prohibition all over Springfield and I somehow got this tattoo on my arm." Bart said as he showed them his tattoo.

"Bart. That looks more like a scab in the shape of a cobra." Milhouse said.

"Whatever. Still looks cool." Bart spoke with his eyes looking calm.

"Anyway, I tasted beer eleven times." Nelson said.

"I tasted... let's see here... 76 by my count. Oh wait, 77 because of some teenagers forcing me to drink beer. They didn't know that I actually drank this stuff before." Handyman smiled.

"Dang. That's a lot." Lisa said.

"Yep. My parents are so rich that they don't even care about me. That's only part I like about my family. I can do whatever I want."

"Uh-huh." Nelson said.

Suddenly they heard car noises and two lights heading straight in their direction as one of them said, "Hide!". Bashir was still in the middle of the drive-thru road as the kids were hiding in the bushes. He didn't had enough time to think so he hid behind the Drive-Thru-talking-Krusty statue beside the bigger Krusty statue.

"Hello. This is Homer, one of your loyal customers. Are you still open?" Homer said as he was driving Marge's car.

"Uh... yes we are." Bashir said through the Drive-Thru statue as he changed his voice to something more manlier.

"Yes. I would like a Krusty Burger and some Krusty fries please." Homer said to the Drive-Thru statue.

"Would you like to have the Krusty Milk Shake?"

"Sure, why not?"

"And for a dollar, you can have the Jumbo Onion Rings served with Krusty BQ sauce."

"I'll take it!"

"Now let me get this straight. You want a Burger, French Fries, a Milk Shake, Onion Rings, and BQ sauce that all pretty much have weird stupid names in it." Bashir said as he was still in his manlier voice.

"Yep. I want it."

"Sorry, but were closed tonight."

"What? You told me it was open and I need food! My wife won't cook because she's angry at me for this whole car thing!" Homer whined.

"Just make a sandwich. Is not so hard fatso."

"Fatso? Go to hell Krusty the Clown!"

"Why don't you go to hell, Homer Simpson! Can't you see were trying to steal the statue you "BLEEP" fatty!" Bashir said through the drive-thru statue.

"Good day to you sir! Wait a minute... How did you know my name and why did you said you were going to steal that new statue over there?" Homer said angrily.

"Uh... I didn't say that... I said, would you like your meal?"

"Yes please!"

"GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU 'BLEEP' BALD FAT PIECE OF 'BLEEP'!" Bashir yelled loudly through the statue.

"I WILL! GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR YOU LOUSY CLOWN!" Homer drove away in anger.

The ghost was clear, and the kids from the bushes stepped out in laughter after they heard the big argument between Homer talking to a lifeless clown who was voiced by Bashir.

"That was hilarious! I should've got that on tape! Good one Bashir." Bart said.

"Good one? Your father really is a "BLEEP" bald fat man." Bashir said.

"Yeah, well... welcome to life friend." Nelson said as he punched him in the face causing him to fell to the ground.

"What was that for?" Bashir said on the ground.

"That's called life."

"You know guys. This reminds me of my first vandalism moment when I was six." Bart said. "Grand Theft Auto."

* * *

Clancy Bouvier was watching TV as the sun was rising. The old man was watching a show where people gossip deep dark secrets.

"My god! What has happened to this country..." Clancy Bouvier said as he switched channels with a remote.

"Hello papa." Marge said as she entered the TV room dressed up.

"Hello sweety. By the way, have you seen Homer. I'm going to force him to eat a bunch of termites and there not just from Africa." Clancy Bouvier chuckled a bit.

"Your more evil to Homer than my sisters..." Marge whispered to herself.

"What was that daughter?"

"Nothing, nothing. Anyway, the mall is looking for a new man to be Santa Claus for all the wonderful children and I was wondering if you..."

"No." The old man said instantly with his wicked look. "Can't you let someone else do it? What about that Abe Simpson. He hasn't spend much time here. Ask him."

"I wouldn't do that. You see, last year all the children's saw his wrinkled skin and his... you know... after he was on fire." Marge said.

"I'm not doing it whether you like it or not. Plus I have friends to hang out with. Like Paul."

"When's the last time you saw Paul?" Marge asked.

"At the minefield after he got stabbed by a bunch of Vietnamese. Why?"

"It doesn't matter what you say. I already signed you as Santa Clause." Marge smiled a bit.

"...Err... You know if you... I'm going to... Uh... Fine, I'll do it, but your coming with me and I don't care if you don't like it either!" The man spoke in slight rage.

"I already signed me, Selma, Patty as elves." Marge smiled.

"Something tells me this is the Great Depression all over again..." Clancy Bouvier said with an unfortunate look on his face.

* * *

All the kids were in the basements as they were acting weird, burping a little, and their eyes felt dizzy because of their little celebration as there was icy six-pack on the table. Every kid was drunk and Milhouse passed out and fell to the floor with just one drop of beer on his tastebuds.

"You know..." Lisa said as she was holding a beer can in her hand. "That Krusty statue is kind of... creepy if you know what I mean... Just look at it..."

"I get it." Bart said as he, Nelson, and Handyman were only slightly drunk. "The clown over there just wants to be friends with you. Then he wants to befriend your other friends. Then he wants to make a party with you. After that, he shuts the door ands... KILL YOU!"

Suddenly Lisa was hiding under the wooden stairs as she heard Bart's drunken scary words.

"That's not funny... let's steal a pony this time..." Lisa said as she fell to the ground.

"Yeah until that when you sleep in bed... you wake up to see blood on your blanket and then suddenly you scream as you see the pony's head on your bed." Bart laughed.

"That reminds me of that one mafia movie." Nelson felt dizzy. "Haw haw... Why am I saying that?..."

"How is your sister... afraid of that stupid clown... he's only funny to children... and... I forgot what I said..." Handy man spoke as his sunglasses were hanging down from his left ear.

"I'm going to get some beer from Homer's garage. Anyone want to come?" Bashir said.

"You guys can go without me... I need... some sleep..." Handyman said as he picked up a bottle and hit himself with it.

"Yeah, I wanna see what's on TV." Lisa said as she held a brick thinking it's a remote.

* * *

8 min. later, Bashir entered the basement and saw something unusual.

"What the heck are you guys doing?" Bashir said as he recovered from his drunkenness and saw Handyman and Lisa making funny looks at each other. "Are you two in love?"

"Hell no." Handyman said as he was still dizzy from the beer.. "Were drunk remember."

"Yes, in fact this is what happened." Lisa said on the couch as she was lazy and explained what happened.

* * *

Handyman and Lisa were watching TV as they were still drunk.

"Your kind of cute." Handyman said to Lisa as he took a sip of beer.

"Why thank you. What's your name again as Lisa went closer to Handyman.

"My name is..."

"Hold it!" Bashir said as he stepped into the flashback.

"How did you enter the flashback!" Handyman said in the flashback.

"Whatever, anyway is this how it really happened? I mean, the guy is more hardcore than this." Bashir said. "And there are many reasons why. Many, many, many, many..."

* * *

"...Many, many, many, many..." Bashir said in real life as the two stared at them.

"Why are you talking like that?" Lisa said.

"I don't know."

"Anyway, that's not what happened." Handyman spoke. "This is what really happened."

* * *

Handyman and Lisa was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Eh. I hate this cartoon so much." Handyman said.

"Eh. I hate you." Lisa said.

"I hate your ponies."

"I hate your music."

"Hold on a minute!" Bashir said as he entered a flashback again.

"How the heck did you did that?" Handyman said in the flashback.

"How is this whole hating thing lead to your drunken date?" Bashir said.

"Dude. Where am I?" Ian the Hippie Freak said as he entered the flashback.

"How did you got here?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know. I just told some friends a flashback about these two drunken kids and suddenly I'm here."

"How do you even know about this? You were never here?" Bashir said.

"This is pretty messed up right here." Handyman said.

* * *

It was a new day as Bashir was in the snow. The little boy decided to go to the tree house to see if his friends are there.

"I wonder if my friends are there!" Bashir said.

He now decided to climb the ladder.

"I'm going to climb the ladder." Bashir said.

Stop saying things that I'm narrating.

"I'm going to say things that whoever narrates." Bashir said as he was climbing the ladder. As he made it to the top of the tree house, he saw something that made him speechless.

He saw his friend, Handyman about to kiss Lisa. Suddenly he screamed in horror as out of nowhere horror music from the movie, "Psycho", came as he fell to the ground with his hand throwing off a bucket of red paint to the snow almost looking like frosted blood in the white cold snow.

"Oh my god! It was just a dream. I need my medicine" Bashir said as he was in his bedroom and ate a pack of candy.

"What's wrong Bashir? Is everything okay?" Bashir's mom said as she and entered the room.

"I heard noises! Is there something wrong?" Bashir's dad said as he entered the room.

"I had this horrible nightmare."

"Did you remembered to eat your medicine?" Bashir's dad asked.

"Yep and they were tasty." Bashir said.

"Anyway, have a good dream Bashir. Your father has a business trip tomorrow so don't wake him up. " Bashir's mom spoke.

"How can I sleep with this nightmare in my head."

"Don't worry I have an idea." Bashir's dad said as he used a large stick to knock his own son out causing him to be unconscious.

"Why did you do that?"

"Hey. Were in America now." Bashir's dad said as he knocked himself with a stick causing him to also be unconscious.

Bashir's mom rolled her eyes and saw her husband having a nightmare.

"No... no way... my car senses are tingling... get away from my car!..." Bashir's dad spoke in horror as he was having a nightmare about his car.

* * *

Clancy Bouvier was Santa Claus as he was sitting in a chair in the middle of the mall surrounded by her three daughters in elves costumes as he saw a line of children. What's worse to the old man is that Homer was forced to come here and dress up as an elf by his own wife...

"How come he's Santa Claus?" Homer said angrily.

"I thought you hated it. Plus, this should be your punishment for thinking a car is better than your own wife." Marge grunted.

"So who's next for the ticket to disappointment." Clancy Bouvier said as he was dressed up as Santa Claus infront of a line of children. A boy came up to him and sat on his lap.

"I want a tricycle Santa." The little boy who wore a cap, baseball shirt, and some shorts said with a cute smile.

"Like that's going to happen. Next!" Clancy Bouvier said as the child cried and went to his mother.

"I want a pony!" A little girl who wore a pink shirt, and a skirt said with a adorable smile.

"The last time I saw a pony was in the movie. 'Godfather'. The ponies head was chopped off and blood was everywhere on an old guy's bed."

"AHH!" The little girl screamed.

Another little girl with a pink coat on and some red pants came.

"I want world peace for the whole world." The child looked sad.

"Well... let's see... if there was world peace all over the world than how the heck are were going to protect ourselves from all the aliens and monsters out there. There's no such thing as world peace you little dumbass. Go get a bike or something." The old man said as he crushed the little girl's dreams.

"That was very cruel." Marge said in her elf costume.

"So. These kids are going to have to learn the truth about life sooner or later." Clancy Bouvier said.

"I have to be honest with you. Marge is right." Selma said as she was smoking.

"Fine. I'll tell them something else."

Ten minutes later.

"And that's how my friend Paul died at the minefield." Clancy Bouvier told the children about the violent Vietnam War.

"Santa? What's an napalm strike?" One of the kids asked.

"This is why I should be Santa Claus..." Homer angrily whispered to himself.

* * *

Bashir was in the treehouse with Bart, Nelson, Milhouse, Handyman, and Lisa. The statue was also in there as the kids looked at it. Bashir just stood there shaking in the cold corner as no one wasn't looking at him..

"You know this statue is..."

"I can't take it anymore!" Bashir said. "Bart! I saw Handyman dating your sister!"

"Huh? So?" Bart said.

"Dude. Didn't I told you that I wasn't the only one who kissed your sister?" Handyman said.

"Ah hah! So you did kissed... wait there were more people?" Bashir said.

"I guess I was too drunk to tell the rest. You see, everyone in this treehouse including you Bashir kissed Lisa. We were too drunk man... Oh wait, except for Milhouse... and Bart... That would be disturbing though if we got that on tape... Probably make some bucks though." Handyman said.

"Oh... it's all just a misunderstanding... Never mind. I guess that's over with..." Bashir said.

"Yes... over with..." Bart stared at his friends who kissed his sisters, except Milhouse.

"Dude what's wrong?" Nelson said.

"Nothing... I'm going to play baseball with Milhouse... Milhouse only..." Bart shaked...

"Hi Diddly doo kids." Ned said as he was climbing up the ladder until he was surprised and dropped his jaws. "Is that the stolen statue I heard on the news!"

"Uh... it's not that hard too miss it." Nelson said as the statue's head was sticking out of the treehouse through a hole where a few men, women, and children looked at it on the sidewalk.

"I was here for my stolen tools but you got to return this!" Ned said.

"What are you going to do about it?" Nelson said.

"I'm going to call Marge's father if you don't. What's wrong with you Bart?" Ned said as Bart took a beer.

"Yeah... we were drunk... so we kind of kissed Bart's sister... Also, we saw Milhouse was kissing the wall thinking it's Lisa." Handyman said.

"That explains my bloody dry lips." Milhouse said looking at his dry lips as blood was dripping towards his chin.

* * *

"Uh dad." Marge said. "Why not tell them a game? Games are fun."

"Sure why not?" Clancy Bouvier said in his Santa Clause costume as the children were now from a line to a group. "Anyone heard of Russian Roulette."

"Is it a fun game?" A boy smile along with the other young children sitting in a big group on the floor.

"Sort of. In Vietnam, I was captured by the enemy and we had to play this... sort of fun... game with no choice. First you need a pistol, put it on the table, spin it until it stops and points at someone, the person picks up the gun and aims it at his head. If there's no rounds in it, your lucky. If there is, you see a bunch of brains all over the place as blood is all over you... Poor Franky."

Suddenly kids sat there speechless...

"I'm taking a break. Homer cover me." Clancy Bouvier said as he got off the chair and went to the bathroom.

"Wahoo!" Homer said as he put on a Santa Claus costume and sat down.

Suddenly a parent, child, and a bunch of policemen came.

"That's the guy that told me that all Communist should go to hell!" The little boy said as he pointed at Homer in the Santa Claus costume.

"Ahh man! OW! OOH! OW! AH!" Homer said injured as he was being beaten by the policemen.

* * *

It was nighttime again and the kids were now at the Krusty Burger returning the large statue.

"Okay, the statue is back in place and... Dude, you sister is suddenly gone crazy again." Nelson said as she saw Lisa ripping her doll into pieces.

"Yes... rip doll..." Bart said a little creepy as he stared at Nelson.

"There's another car coming! Hide!" Handyman said as they hid in the bushes all but Bashir.

"Why does this keep happening to me!" Bashir said as he hid by the Drive-Thru statue again.

"Hello there employee. It's me Krusty the Clown. I decided to take a bite out of my own burgers. Haven't tasted them for some time." Krusty the Clown smiled as he was in a red jeep.

"What would you like?" Bashir said through the drive-thru statue with a manlier voice.

"I would like a Krusty Chicken Sandwich and Krusty Milkshake please."

"Would you like some free onion ring and the Laugh Laugh Zesty Sauce? In fact, they can all be free since it's your restaurant." Bashir said.

"Sure. I'll take the meal." Krusty said.

"Sorry, but we are close."

"Closed? Give me my meal or else!"

"Or else what! You're going to spray water from your flower on me? Oh no! I'm covered in water!" Bashir said sarcastically through the statue.

"This is my restaurant so give my meal!"

"NO! WHY SHOULD I GIVE TO A CLOWN WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR OWN CUSTOMERS!"

"WHY SHOULDN'T I FIRED YOU!"

"YOU GO TO HELL KRUSTY THE CLOWN!"

"YOUR FIRED!" Krusty said as he drove away.

"Aw no. Ol Gil is fired again!" Ol Gil, an employee of Krusty Burger, said through the microphone through the Drive Thru Statue as Bashir heard the voice coming from the speaker of the clown. "Why do I get fired every time!"

* * *

It was morning time at Bart's house and Bashir was writing a letter.

"_Dear Papa. I have just argued with a stupid clown and got some guy fired. I really don't care and I'm out of medicine... Man I like M&Ms. Anyway, yesterday I thought that Lisa was dating Handyman but it was just an mistake. They drank bee.. I mean... Uh... they ate so much sugar. I have to be careful when I think people are in relationships and..." _Bashir wrote until he stopped to see someone coming in the living room.

Suddenly Marge and Doctor Hibbert came in.

"Your husband will be alright." Dr. Hibbert said. "But because of that police beating he's going to have to wear a heart monitor that makes this awful beeping noise. It's just to show how strong or weak his heart is."

"Well, at least he's okay." Marge said as she hugged the doctor.

"_Dear Papa! I have bad news! Bart's mother is having affair with Doctor Hibbert! Wait? Why am I writing this down?"_ Bashir wrote.

"You traitor! Having an affair with Dr. Hibbert! I'm going to tell everyone!" Bashir said as he jumped out of the window in front of Marge and Dr. Hibbert.

"What was that all about?" Dr. Hibbert said.

* * *

(Extra Scene (It's really funny))

Bart and Handyman were playing "Dead Space" on an XBOX 360 console. Suddenly they heard beeping noises.

"What's that?" Handyman said.

"Well, my dad was beaten up by the police force, so he had this heart monitor on his wrist to check his heart is pumping normal." Bart said as he heard the beeping noise.

"Where is he now? I can hear it upstairs." Handyman asked.

"Oh. He's with my mom in the bedroom and... Oh no!" Bart yelled at the ceiling.

"There's two little kids down here you know!" Handyman said as he yelled at the ceiling in disgust.

"First my sister gets kissed by three drunken guys and now this? When will this stop!" Bart going crazy again as he ate his medicine... three times. "I might as well put a bullet in my head?"

"Dude. Your going a little off the charts. If you still want to, borrow my gun." Handyman said as he pulled out a small pistol from his pocket.

"I didn't really meant that." Bart said.


	25. An African Man's Holiday

Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch but notice that Maggie is not here. Suddenly a large Maggie crushes the house with the other Simpson Family Members.

Ralph Scene: I saw an alien spaceship last night." Ralph said.

"Yeah right." Bart said as he came up to him.

They later walk away as a huge alien ship is invading Springfield.

* * *

"Okay Class!" Mr. Nental said as Bart and his classmates were in hell town otherwise known as a classroom for the subject health. "Technically, we won't being learning today's work, dissecting cat's and using their organs as donations to the elderly. Instead, because of the school's principal, the whole school will have to write a class report about the lives of the elderly. This is actually for your home classroom and you can work on it now. Anyway, what do you want Allison Taylor?"

"Um... Uh... I was to..." Allison spoke shortly as she was shaking in fear at the door as she had a paper in her hand.

"What is it?" Mr. Nental said behind Allison out of nowhere as she screamed.

"Uh... Here! Please don't cut my heart out!" Allison said.

"Little girl, I wouldn't cut your heart out. I would cut your heart out with a Swiss army knife and make your body into a puppet where my dogs can play with, my vicious... large... angry... dog's that is..." Mr. Nental grinned as Allison suddenly ran out of the classroom screaming. The old man turned towards the classroom and said, "Finish your assignment and I might not show you what your insides look like... that would be fun though..."

* * *

The Simpsons family were at the Springfield Retirement Castle filled with the elderly, some were veterans and some were politicians.

"So, where's one of my Grandpa's?" Bart said looking for one of his Grandfathers .

"I'm right here boy!" Abe Simpson said as the family went to the elderly man.

"Where's Bouvier?" Homer said.

"That guy? He went to his job. I can't believe and old angry man who uses force to control people got a job at the train station." Abe said angrily. "I can get a job!"

"Why don't you apply for one?" Marge said.

"This place is sucking the life out of us!" Abe yelled like an maniac.

"Marge's dad seems to able to get out of this place." Lisa said.

"He's the only man here who could drive a car! He can move more better than all of us!... That and he tricks the employees here with a fake doctors note. Anyway, why are you all here?"

"Kids at school have an assignment for the whole school that we have to write an report about the elderly." Bart answered.

"I see. Well then, in 1955, before Homer was born, that I married his mother, impregnated that hooker at the carnival, than the hookers at the strip club, than this lady who thought I was single, than this Asian nurse who..."

"How many ladies did you made out with?" Homer yelled in concern.

"Not that much, boy. Anyway, before I was married. I made out with... um... let's see... two-hundred thirty three chicks. Most of them weren't hookers." Abe laughed. "Where are you going boy?"

"Going to see if there's anyone else to talk to here." Bart said bored as he walked into the hallways.

* * *

Bart was walking in the hallways filled with cracks, dust, cobwebs that would make the elderly fill lifeless even alive. As he walked through the hallway, he saw an a room where an African-American staring through the window in a wooden chair.

"Hey old black man? What are you doing? Are you stalking someone?" Bart said as he entered the room that had a table, bed, a broken heater, and some cracks on the wall.

The African-American wore a blue thin shirt with buttons, wore a grey trousers, and had an white haired afro haircut as he was holding a cane in his hand.

"Stalking someone? What are you talking about fool? Plus, don't you know that back than it's racist to call someone black or white?" The Old Black Man said as looked at Bart.

"Nope." Bart said.

"Eh... Kids these days..." The Old Black Man said as he stared back at the window.

"By the way? What's with that afro hair-cut. Not many people wear that these days. It's old school." Bart asked.

"Afro hair-cut fatty? You need to lose weight I say! Look at you tubby with those flabby arms!" The Old Black Man poked Bart's flabby arms with his cane. "You need to eat less donuts and more carrots. Keep that up and you might even be bald flabby man."

"You can't say that to a cool guy like me!" Bart said.

"I will say it, I can say it, and I just said it! What are you going to do about it!"

"Bart? What are you doing here?" Marge said as she entered the small room.

"This guy made fun of me!" Bart said.

"Jay tell no lie! Your idiot son just came here and made fun of my hair cut... If you apologize than I would want some cookies, milk, and... some country music."

"Who listens to country music anymore?" Bart yelled at the man.

"Well mister..." Marge spoke until the old man interrupted her.

"Jay Powell. Technically it's Jacob, but most old folks call me Jay when I was in the gangster club of the year of 19..."

"Who the hell cares if you were a part of a gang! I want an apology!" Bart said.

"You get no apology from Jay, brat!" Jay said to the boy.

"Hey Bart. This guy might have a great life. You can make an paper about him." Marge said.

"This boy interviewing Jay! No way, mam! Jay may have some anger issues, Jay may have some trouble opening the fridge, and Jay may have killed an man but there is no way this boy is going to hunt with me in deer season."

"Killed a man? Plus, we didn't say anything about hunting. We said about a paper of you." Marge asked with a frightful look.

"Oh. That's okay than, but Jay is still not going to apologize to flabby over there." Jay said.

"I'm not even fat!" Bart said.

"Jay says that my cane is never wrong!" Jay spoke as he poked his flab again with his cane.

"Marge can we go now. My Heart Monitor is going crazy again." Homer said as he entered the room.

"What the heck is this? Jay thinks you weigh more than a blue whale!" Jay said as he's poking Homer's flab.

"Who's this guy?" Homer said.

"Who am I? Who are what are you? Your more flabby than this guy over here! In fact, your flab is sucking my cane." Jay said as the old man's cane was being sucked in by Homer's flab. "Oh no. You're not taking my cane that easily."

Suddenly the old man jumped into Homer's flab.

"Uh, Homer. I think you need to lose a lot of weight." Marge said.

"You mean a ton if that's what you're saying lady. I think I'm under Homer's boobs if you know what I'm saying." Jay said under Homer's chest. "What the heck is this? There's some kind of creature! Stay away beast!"

"Creature?" Bart said.

"Oh yeah. That must be the badger that attacked me in the woods." Homer said.

Suddenly Jay jumped out of Homer's flab and was now on the ground.

"This badger put up a tough fight, but Jay won!" Jay said.

"What did you see under Homer's... chest..." Marge said.

"It was horrible. More horrible than the time I saw my own insides in the Korean War. Want to look at my huge scar?" Jay said.

"No." Homer, Marge, and Bart said.

* * *

Homer and Marge were in the bedroom at nighttime. Homer was watching TV in the dark as Marge was reading a book called, "The Book of Adult Romance". Homer turned off the TV and was about to sleep.

"Uhh. Homer." Marge said as she stop Homer from sleeping.

"What is it?" Homer said.

"Don't you want to snuggle?" Marge said with a smooth voice.

"I don't feel like it Marge." Homer yawned.

"Homer. I think our marriage is falling apart again." Marge said.

"What? That's crazy. Just because I don't want to snuggle doesn't mean that..."

"It's not just that! You've never done anything romantic with me! You've been hanging out with your friends most of the time. Your starting to think I'm boring don't you?" Marge said.

"Of course not. You've actually had a life besides being mothering." Homer said.

"Like what?" Marge asked.

"There's... Uh... I don't know..."

"Homer! I've been a cop, been to a cooking competition, painted many great arts. There were actually many great things I did last year!" Marge argued. "Anyway, I think this book might spice up our marriage."

"What is it? Is it some kind of book that's supposed to make me lose weight, be more nice to you, ask about 'How was your day?' or give you a foot massage?" Homer said.

"Nope. Look at it." Marge said as she gave the book to him.

"What the hell is this?" Homer yelled in horror. "This book shows many ways to have sex! Throw this book away Marge! Send it to hell!"

"What? I thought you would like it. Don't you always like these kind of things?" Marge said.

"But I don't want our marriage to be based on... sex that sinners would want..."

"Homer. You impregnated me before I got married." Marge said.

"Well... uh... I'm taking this book with me and burn it! That's final!" Homer said angrily as he swiped the book from her.

* * *

It was December still on the next day and Bart entered the old African American's room within the old folk's home otherwise known as The Springfield Retirement Castle.

"It's you. Come to make fun of my hair again flabby?" Jay said.

"Nope. Though, I'm just going to write my report about your stinking life now I want to get this over with." Bart said with a boring look.

"Stinking Life? Jay has a stinking life! Did you know what the heck happen to my parents!" Jay said in anger as he spoke in a voice of a tyrant. "My two loving parents were killed by a bunch of racist KKK members and I became a freaking orphan because of that! I had hard times as a child and you call that a stinking life! Making fun of an old man who had poor experience as a child! All you kids today making fun of The Great Depression, The Holocaust, or the assassination of John F. Kennedy in your stupid cartoons and video games when there are still elderly men and women who are alive and been through these bad times! Even when there's a war in Afghanistan you still make jokes about it! You kids today make me sick!"

Bart was a little surprised of what he said and just stood there speechless.

"There you go. I told you about myself. Now go write your stupid report! Jay don't want you here anymore." Jay said.

"I see, you've been... through hard times... Mr. Powell." Bart said.

"Yeah. Jay just told you." Jay spoke as he stared through the window.

"So... uh... you like chess?" Bart said as he saw a chess board on the table.

"Yeah, why?"

Five minutes later, Bart and old man Jay were playing chess but were having fun rather than arguing as usual.

"It's been a long time since someone played this game with me." Jay said as he beat Bart again in the game. "Usually I have to keep on playing alone and switch seat to seat."

"I see." Bart said with a smile.

"You know what. We never met each other properly right. I want you to have dinner with my family." Jay said.

"Family? I thought you said they were... you know..." Bart said with a shy voice.

"Yes... but this is Jay's son's family. Jay's son has three children and has a wife. You want to have dinner or what?"

"Sure. Can I bring my family too?" Bart said.

"Why not?... There not racist are they? Or communists? Or North Korean? Or that Ice Cream man that watches me at the park?" Jay asked.

"Nope." Bart answered calmly.

"Jay says yes. You might want to bring a baseball bat."

"Why?"

"When it happens. You will know."

* * *

This Simpsons family were in front of the door of a blue house that had a front and back yard like there house. As Homer knocked the door, it opened revealing Old Man Jay at the door.

"Welcome Simpsons." Jay said as they let them in to the house. The Simpsons saw the family but Lisa stood there surprised.

"This house is fantastic." Marge said as she saw the insides of the house and the family.

"Uh... mom... dad..." Lisa said as she saw someone familiar to her. It was Janey and she was also surprised and even a little embarrassed like Lisa.

"Why is your friend doing here Lisa?" Homer said.

"Friend? One of my grandchildren is friends with fat ton's daughter?" Jay said beside the family.

"Jay? You never told me that one of your granddaughter's is Janey." Bart said as he saw the family had two sisters and one son.

"What? Don't you know Jay's last name is Powell?"

"Yeah, but my half brother Herb's last name is also Powell. I wonder if he'll ever change it to Simpson?" Homer wondered.

"Shut up fat ton." Jay said next to the Powell family.

The Powell family was made up of a husband, wife, the oldest child being a sister, the middle child being the brother, and the youngest being Janey.

"Isn't this great guys? Two families that already know each other! Now I can know The Simpsons a little more better!" Jay said as the two families were silent.

* * *

The Simpson's and the Powell's were at the dinner table eating stake, mash potatoes, and corn silently, though Lisa only ate the corn and mash potatoes of course.

"So anyone wants to know secrets about Jay's son?" Jay said.

"Oh not again." Janey's father said.

"You see. Back when he was ten I used to use a shoe to beat the hell out of him. He sure loved discipline when he cried and bleed." Jay said.

"I cried and bleed because it hurts! I never loved it." Jay's son said.

"Whatever. Anyway, Jay later married this hag which I was totally against it. Than my son used his tool there to make babies." Jay laughed as the family became more silent than ever.

"Uh... Grandpa... Why don't you tell your stories about being a gangster or when you fought in the South Korean War or your life with Grandma... heh..." Janey said nervously.

"Are you trying to change the subject little missy!" Jay responded with fierce anger.

"The old man sure gets angry easily." Homer whispered to Marge.

"Angry? You think I'm angry! After my own son put me in a home because I have issues. I hate you all! Your nothing but a bunch of people who never experienced the horrors I have. I'm leaving this house." Jay responded to Homer as he left.

"What's wrong with your grandpa Janey?" Lisa asked.

"Oh, he's been like this ever since my grandma died of cancer... He made some promise to her that he never kept. He never told anyone what it is though." Janey said as she didn't felt eating the mash potatoes on her plate.

"That does seem sad." Bart spoke. "Maybe I should talk to him."

"Yeah, maybe he could have a small smile on his face at least." Jay's daughter-in-law or wife of the Powell family spoke.

"Yep. The last time I saw him smiling was that he shot a deer with a rifle." Janey said. "Poor Rudolph..."

* * *

Homer took a large jug made of glass filled with an icy cold Duff in it. He also looked a little pale today as Moe, Barney, Lenny, and Carl looked at him.

"Hey Homer? What's wrong today? Did that dinner yesterday messed you up or something?" Moe asked as Homer acted like he was bored.

"No. I think our marriage is getting stale again." Homer said.

"Homer. You should know that relationships are going to have upsides but also downsides. So what's the problem in marriage this time." Carl said.

"Oh boy... How should I explain this..." Homer said. "You know when... uh... I and Marge... cuddle in bed..."

"Explain more." Moe spoke with a perverted smile.

"Yeah, anyway. Marge felt bored of what we do... in bed and... she found this weird book at a book store. It's called, 'Book of Adult Romance'. I looked at the first page and I was disgusted of what I saw. It wasn't a book about poetry or flowers. It was a book about different ways of having sex. I said 'No' to her. Now, she's acting all strange. She shaved the dog's fur in the morning."

"Well that book sounds good to me." Moe said.

"Oh yeah. Look for yourself!" Homer said as he handed the book to Moe.

Moe turned towards the first page and looked all calm.

"The first page doesn't seem so bad. The second page is a little bad. The third page is kind of so-so. The fourth page is... The fifth um... The sixth, oh hell no! The seventh page is, oh disgusting!" Moe said as he covered his eyes. "Get that book away from me! Burn it to hell!"

"See what I mean!" Homer said. "I don't get how Marge is interested in this stuff."

"Well, I don't know Homer. Usually, when someone's marriage is going downhill, the husband has to listen to the wife until it goes better." Lenny said.

"Then I'm off the hook?" Homer said.

"Yeah or you'll just get divorce. Anything could happen. Have you even read the whole book?" Carl said.

"No. It's too disgusting. I don't want my marriage to be filled with sex and that only." Homer said.

"Homer. You pretty much do that all the time. Sometimes a romantic dinner or a movie or two, but seriously. Your marriage has some issues." Barney said.

"So what? I'm supposed to listen to my wife and read this book?" Homer said.

"There might be one thing in that book that's less disgusting." Carl said.

"Fine." Homer said as he opened the book. Suddenly he was horrified at what he saw now. "What the heck is this? This type of sex involves with a bike, hot sauce, a telephone, and a screwdriver!"

"What? Is it like one of those pretend-to-be-murderers act where the husband acts like a killer and chases the wife through a telephone, than a bike? Than something else happens with those other objects?" Moe said.

"No. But it also involves... you know it's too horrifying." Homer said.

"Homer. Just remember this. You can't always boss your wife around." Barney said. "I don't agree with this cursed book because it's not right, but this is you were talking about. It's your decision Homer, you can either let Marge cry on that floor as she's doing all the work for you or you can read that book!"

"Fine Barney! I'll read that book!" Homer said as he ran through the door.

"Did you really meant that Barney?" Lenny asked.

"Not really. I wanted him to get out of here because he didn't took a bath." Barney said as he took a sip of beer.

* * *

It was morning, and Bart entered old man Jay's room again.

"Hi Jay my man!" Bart said.

"Hello Bart! Why are you here now?" Jay smiled all of a sudden.

"I talked to your family and they told me why you get angry all the time..." Bart said.

"I see... you heard about the death of my wife..." Jay said.

"Yep."

"You know flabby. I've been through the great depression, seeing my parents get murdered, being a gangster and rob different people, fought in the Korean War and they all gave me a hard life..." Jay said as he stared at the window. "But the worst of all for some reason was losing my wife, Nina. I've kept a promise to her one day."

"What is it?" Bart said.

"To build a house together on the Rocky Mountains, not too high or not too low, but a house where we lived in together. Nina lived in a town on the rocky mountains and we both loved nature... well... I like killing nature with a rifle, but you get the point..." Jay said staring through the window continuously. "It's also strange that I'm telling you this because I haven't told anyone else before..."

"You could still built that house!" Bart suggested.

"What do you mean boy?" Jay asked.

"Your wife may be dead, but you can still fulfill that promise you made to her." Bart said.

"Hmm... Never thought about that... I'll give it a try. After all, I want to get out of this heck hole." Jay said as he looked at the cracks, dust, and cobwebs of his room.

The two grabbed two suitcases under Jay's bed until someone entered the room.

"What the heck are all of you doing?" Lisa said wondering what's going on.

"Uh, I'm having a sleepover with Jay here..." Bart lied calmly.

"Uh huh. Mr. Powell. What's really going on?" Lisa said.

"Were getting the heck out of..." Jay said until he was interrupted.

"Lie..." Bart whispered as he was staring at Lisa.

"Oh uh... These suitcases are... filled with guns and were hunting down Krusty the Clown with them. Since your Bart's little sister I might let you go. So move aside." Jay said.

"Uh huh. If there are really guns. Open the suitcases." Lisa said calmly.

"Move aside little girl. You can't stop us!" Jay spoke.

"Okay, unless I have the car keys." Lisa said.

"Lisa, give me the car keys." Bart said.

"Tell me what's going on."

"Fine. We're going to the Rockies." Bart answered.

"The Rockies? Don't you know how far it is! Plus, I heard there more dangerous now in December." Lisa said in surprised but that reaction distracted her as Bart swiped the keys.

Bart than pushed his sister to the floor, and ran with Old Man Jay through the hallways than to the car.

* * *

An hour later at The Simpson's house. Lisa was explaining what happened at the retirement home as the two families, The Simpsons and The Powell's, are surprised.

"And that's what happened!" Lisa said.

"Oh my god!" Homer said.

"I know Homie!" Marge said.

"Yeah. Bart better have a good reason to push her sister to the floor." Homer said.

"What about Bart going to the Rockies with that old man!" Marge said.

"This is big trouble. He could die!" Janey's father said.

"Die?" Lisa said.

"We didn't just send my father to the retirement home because he's annoying!" Jay's son said. "The old man needed medication, so the retirement home was perfect. If he doesn't receive his weekly medication he could die."

* * *

Jay and Bart were in winter coats as they were on a large cliff of the Rockies.

"Jay thinks this is perfect for a house!" Jay said.

"Yeah, but don't you think it's kind of weird." Bart said.

"Weird about what?" Jay asked.

"How did we managed to get to the Rockies that fast?" Bart said.

"How would I know? I don't even know where Springfield is anymore ever since some kid threw a rock at me." Jay spoke. "Anyway, let's start building this house and..."

Suddenly Jay was coughing in front of Bart.

"Are you okay?" Bart asked.

"Okay? Of course I can. If Jay can survive bullets by using my unit as human shields than I can survive this... um... winter... yeah that's it. Winter." Jay lied.

* * *

Thirty minutes later...

Bart was at a campfire as the wind was growing harsher. Suddenly he heard noises from the woods.

"Who's there?" Bart said.

"It's us Bart!" Lisa said as she, The Simpsons, and The Powell's stepped out of the forest and near the campsite of the cliff.

"You already finished a house in thirty minutes?" Homer said as he saw a small house made of wood.

"I know. It's strange that we were able to get to the Rockies and finish a house all together at once." Bart said.

"Where's Grandpa Jay?" Janey asked.

Bart opened the door of the small house revealing a highly sick African American named Jay laying on the ground with a blanket.

"We better get him back to the retirement home before he dies. He needs medication." Janey's dad said.

"Dies? You never told me that you would die." Bart faced towards old man Jay.

"Bart... don't dare... bring me back to... that heck hole..." Jay said poorly with a sore throat.

Suddenly Bart stared at the two families and then Jay over and over again.

"Sorry old timer. You're going to have to go to the retirement home..." Bart said staring at the ground as Homer and Janey's dad picked the old man up.

* * *

Bart entered the room of old man Jay in the retirement home. He saw him staring through the window again like last time.

"Hello Jay." Bart said.

"Quiet flabby." Jay said.

"Quiet? This retirement home saved your life!" Bart said.

"That's the point! I wanted to be on the ground breathless in that house!" Jay said.

"What?" Bart said surprised.

"It's to see my wife again... I can't just do it by suicide since it's a strong sin, so nature has to do the work for me." Jay sighed. "Anyway, get out of here flabby. Ruined my chances of being with my wife again!"

"Ruined your chances!" Bart said in anger.

"Yeah! What did you ever did for me!" Jay yelled at Bart.

"I helped you achieve your promise! The house on The Rockies!" Bart said.

"Oh... Just get out of here..."

"... You know... I'm having a Christmas party tonight... You want to..."

"No way flabby! You kids today!" Jay yelled at him.

Bart walked away as Jay still continued to look at the window. He just kept on looking and looking at the window...

"Kids today..." Jay spoke...

* * *

It was nighttime and a Christmas Part was held at The Simpson's house with different families and children. Bart was with his friends, Milhouse, Nelson, Martin, Ralph, Bashir, and Handyman.

"Dude. You look like you've puked on the floor." Nelson said.

"Yeah. I've just been through a bad moments." Bart said sipping some juice from a plastic cup.

Suddenly the guests at the party heard noises on the ceiling.

"What the heck is that?" Homer said as suddenly the noises were now coming from the chimney.

"Help! Jay is stuck in this stupid chimney!" Jay said within the chimney as people saw his legs shaking around at the bottom entrance of the chimney.

"I'll pull out the dumbass." Clancy Bouvier said as he used his old, but strong arms to pull out Jay from the chimney.

Jay was now on the ground covered in black smoke but also in a Santa Claus outfit.

"Hello children! It's Santa Claus!" Jay said .

"You just mentioned your name and Santa Claus doesn't have an afro hairstyle." Lisa said. "Who will ever believe that your Santa Claus..."

"Santa!" Nelson said as he ran towards Jay. "Mom said you weren't real! But you are!"

"Dude. That Nelson kid needs to go see a doctor." Handyman said as Bart walked up to the man in the Christmas Outfit.

"Jay. What are you doing here?" Bart said.

"I'm not Jay. I'm Santa Claus. Anyway, Jay thought about what you said and you did help me keep my promise! So here's some presents and... Kid! What are you doing?" Jay said as Nelson touched his afro hairstyle.

"An Afro Santa Claus..." Nelson said.

"This kid needs to go to a mental hospital." Jay said.

"Mental Hospital? Why didn't I thought of that?" Handyman spoke as Jay handed presents to the children.

"By the way old man. What presents did you brought?" Bart asked.

"Just some old stuff I used to have back in the days."

"Is this a gun?" Lisa said as she looked at a gun with a ribbon on it.

"Why is this gangster shirt have blood stains." Milhouse said as he opened a present.

"This stick makes more throat cough." Ralph said as he was holding a cigar from a box with a ribbon on it.

Meanwhile, Homer went up to Marge and said, "Margie. I've read the book and decided to do this one."

"Oh my god." Marge said as Homer was pointing to a picture on page 34.

Homer looked at what he was pointing and said, "Oh 'BLEEP' no! I meant this one!" Homer pointed to page 33.

"Oh well. Anyone of these will do." Marge said.

* * *

Seven minutes later.

"This is not a bad party flabby." Milhouse said to Bart.

"Yep, flabby. Not bad." Martin said to Bart.

"Flabby?" Bart spoke.

"Yep. Claus over there called you Flabby. Were calling you Flabby." Handyman said.

"Hey people!" Dr. Hibbert said. "What's that beeping noise I hear upstairs..."

"Not again..." Bart sighed. "Huh? Where are all you guys going?"

Bart saw all the adults about to leave the party until one of them stop.

"Uh... were leaving all of you children here. We're going to be at the motel..." Clancy Wiggum said.

"What do adults do at a motel?" Milhouse asked.

"When you're older, you'll scream." Dr. Hibbert chuckled.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Marge entered the basement with a basket of clothes in her hands. As she entered the basement, she saw Bart's and Lisa's friends down there.

"What are you all doing here?" Marge asked.

"We wanted to ask you a question that we've wondered for a long long time." Bart said.

"What is it?"

"What's your hair's natural color? We pretty much know your hair is died." Nelson said.

"What are all you kids doing here?" Homer said as his friends, Lenny, Carl, Barney, and Moe, were holding a pack of beer.

"Were wondering what's Bart's mom's real hair color is." Martin said.

"Oh that's easy." Homer said. "It's red."

"No it wasn't." Lenny said. "It must be blonde. Look at her children."

"What about grey? Her sisters have grey hair." Barney said.

"Are you sure it wasn't black or brunette?" Moe said.

"Moe. It was brunette because of Marge ironing her hair to long as a child." Homer said.

"People! I'll tell you my real hair color!" Marge said. "My real hair color is..."


	26. Silence

Hello. If you didn't know, I have a reedited version of "Mr. Burns Christmas Carol" and it's on my profile now as one story instead of a two-parter. The rest of this message is just a complaint I have of The Simpsons so if you don't want to read it you don't have to. I just wanted to let you know some things about Simpson episodes that have a plot involving Moe. Have you notice that these episodes usually are about Moe redesigning his Bar or having a new girlfriend? There doing it again in Season 22 where he redesigns his tavern again. I can actually think of ideas that are interesting of what they haven't done and there doing it again. There have actually been good episodes of Moe but the point is to stop redoing the same idea over and over again.

* * *

Couch Gag Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch but as they sit on it, the lights turn off and back on. The Simpsons disappear.

Ralph the Word: "My tongue is stucked to this snow cone." Ralph said as his tongue is stuck to a pole in the winter.

* * *

Lisa was walking in the hallway as she was carrying a backpack and humming a soft song in her head. She was nine and had homework to study, so she decided to go to the library filled with books and computers to work peacefully and silently, but as she was walking in the hallway three girls were in her path.

"Hello... Jessica, Francine, and you other bullies..." Lisa said with a fake smile as she saw a group of bullies made up of five girls.

"Hello to you, punching bag." Francine said as she was about to punch Lisa for fun until she stopped as she saw a tall shadow in front of her.

A tall seven-foot skinny old man was behind the group of bullies as he smiled. It was Mr. Nental, a man who wore a dark blue thin long-sleeved shirt with buttons, a white shirt under that blue shirt with a tie, and wore brown pants.

"What do we have here?" Mr. Nental spoke as he was grinning at the bullies and Lisa. "Back in my time, when I was a kid in an academy somewhere in Europe. I grabbed a fork and stabbed my bullies in the cheek and cut their tongue off with a knife, and slit there throat with a razor blade. They didn't died by a slit in the throat. They just couldn't talk... You want to test that out?"

"You know sir... uh... Will just go now." Francine said in fear until the old man grabbed her arm.

"Go away? The last time someone said that is that I had his ribs cooked and served them to guests at a party." Nental scared the bullies and Lisa.

"What's going on here?" Principle Skinner said as he saw the old sociopath talking to children.

"Oh nothing. I was just chatting what guests would like if ribs would be served."

"Ribs? Cow or Pig?" Skinner said.

"I prefer pig." Mr. Nental answered.

"By the way, why are these children shaking a lot. I know Lisa shakes a lot but these bullies?" Skinner said.

"I told them what killers might act at an young age. Even the toughest bullies here will fall to their knees." Nental chuckled.

"That's a good joke. Anyway, get back to work." Skinner said.

* * *

Marge was at the bank as she was at the end of a line of people.

"Hello miss." A familiar voice spoke behind Marge.

Marge turned around and saw Mr. Nental, but instead of wearing black trousers, a blue thin shirt with buttons, and a tie. He wore a dark green suit with a black hat on.

"Aren't you Bart's health teacher?" Marge said.

"Yes. I'm also a Doctor, Neurologist, and a Psychiatrist." Nental said.

"Is he doing good in class?"

"Yep, you might as well say he's also too quiet to talk about his good work." Nental chuckled along with Marge. "Anyway, why are you here?"

"To check if my account hasn't been tampered with... or by my husband..."

"You mean Homer Simpson?" Mr. Nental asked.

"Yep. You probably heard it from my children, or his friends, or enemies... which is pretty much everyone here..." Marge said.

"Actually no." Nental answered.

"Who did you heard the name from?"

"No one. Just heard it."

"Uh huh..." Marge said until gun noises were shot in the air.

Snake Jailbird entered the bank with a large bag to steal caswh as he held a pistol in his hand and yelled, "This is a robbery!" as people screamed within the bank, everyone but Nental that is.

"Robbery huh? I see some mistakes in your plot." Nental spoke.

"Like what old timer?" Snake pointed the gun at Nental.

"An common mistake is that the police already surrounded the police but your get-away-car is taken by the police. Second, that gun of yours only has two bullets left." Nental said.

"Two bullets? How the heck do you know?" Snake said.

"A third mistake is that your being distracted easily." Nental said.

"Distracted what the heck are you..."

Suddenly Nental swiped the gun and grabbed Snake's head and threw his head to the table three times.

"That what I meant by distraction." Nental said as Snake was trying to reach the gun from the table to the floor.

As he did, Nental pulled out a knife and stabbed his hand to the table where he couldn't reach the gun as he was in pain. Nental started to threw Snake's head again to the table many times as he was smiling, but also did it for fun. Snake's head started to bruise, get nose bleeds, and have a tooth fall out as Nental threw his head again to the table.

"What the heck are you doing! You stopped the criminal already!" Marge said to Nental.

"Oh yes..." Nental stopped as Snake was unconscious and pulled the knife out of his hand. "Well, better send the man to prison."

Three minutes later, the citizens in the bank were released and Snake was handcuffed and sent to the back chairs of a police car. Chief Wiggum and his two partners in crime, Louie and Ed, were standing near the car that Snake is in.

"That's some good work boys." Chief Wiggum said.

"You didn't even do anything." Nental said to the police as he walked to the chief.

"Oh yeah. Why should you stop the criminal?" Chief Wiggum asks.

"Why don't you lose weight fatty?"

"Oh that's it! You're going to jail too!"

"But chief. This guy saved those people's lives." Eddie said.

"Are you on his side too." Chief Wiggum said as he handcuffed Nental.

"Strange. Being arrested by making a joke about a cop. That doesn't sound like Justice right there Chief Wiggum. Sounds more like police brutality." Nental said as he was arrested.

"Well you don't sound like justice either pal."

"I just saved a bunch of people's lives and your gaining weight." Nental talked back.

"So? I may have gained weight but... um... I got nothing..."

* * *

Lisa was walking in the hallway of her own house on the second floor with a box of raisins in her hand. As she was walking, she passed Bart's room and saw him spying at a house on the other side of the street where there house stood.

"What are you doing Bart?" Lisa asked as she entered the room to see what's going on.

"Spying on this new guy who moved in the neighborhood." Bart who was spying the house through a telescope.

"Why?" Lisa asked.

"There's something going on. Yesterday, a business man entered that house and never came back including the mailman, a protester, and a lady who wanted to greeted the new neighbor. I'm starting to think he's this new criminal that appeared at the same time that he showed up. The Bone Killer."

"Bone Killer?" Lisa sighed thinking he's up to his old tricks again.

"Yeah. He's called that because he takes the skull out of people's head as trophies. Sick isn't it."

"Nice try Bart, but I won't fall for it."

"Than what's this!" Bart spoke as he showed Lisa the newspaper, front page of the Bone Killer.

"Okay. You might be right that there's a Bone Killer, but seriously. That man looks nice and jolly at his garden. How could he be a disturbed mentally crazy killer who picks skulls out of people's heads? Plus his name is Manny Hunt not some lunatic who takes skulls as trophies." Lisa asked.

"I don't know. I'm still going to get proof. I wonder what's he doing now?" Bart said but as he spied more he moved the telescope to another window that freaked him out.

The new neighbor stared at him through a window like a ghost. He knew Bart was spying him the whole time...

* * *

It was nightfall and Manny Hunt was working out in the attic of his house. He kept on screaming, "Please Mother! Don't hurt me! Please! Please don't hurt me!" repeatedly over and over again as he was training his biceps.

The insane lunatic wore a black sleeveless shirt, jeans, and had a short brown hair cut. He is 6.5 tall, in his thirties, and was muscular for ripping skulls out of people.

The man stopped working out and grabbed a book called "The True Mind of a Psychopath" on a table. The author was Daniel Nental, the sociopath who worked as a health teacher at Bart's school. He then grabbed another book and opened it revealing pictures of Mr. Nental, some were from the newspapers and some were photography. He is a fan of Nental's work if you might call it.

Manny Hunt than picked up some tools from the attic's ground, but he noticed that he was almost out of nails and glue.

"Mother won't be happy. Better get some before she hurts me again!" Manny Hunt spoke insanely as he stared at a portrait of his mother.

* * *

Marge's was at the Police Station and entered Chief Wiggum's office. She wore a green coat and earrings with some blue shoes as she entered the office.

"Hello Wiggum. Can I get a job here again?" Marge asked as she was in Chief Wiggum's office.

"Marge Simpson? Why do you want a job here?" Chief Wiggum asked.

"My husband got sick again and we need to pay the bills since he's taken a day off from work again. He got a disease, but did it on purpose by eating Abe's unfinished food. He also ate Grandpa Abe's teeth in the mystery meat." Marge said.

"Okay. Well, since you worked here before. I guess you can still be an high ranking officer again. Welcome back to the workforce. I have a question first!" Chief Wiggum yelled.

"What is it?" Marge asked.

"Do you know who's El Barto? Were really having trouble with this. The only evidence we have is his underwear." Chief Wiggum said.

"Chief. That's your underwear. I can even see you name on it." Marge sighed normally as if this wasn't the first time that happened.

"Oh yeah than what about this slingshot stuck to this underwear which... Oh wait, that also has my name in it..." Chief Wiggum said. "Well, there's always this mysterious Bone Killer that rips people's skulls out as trophies."

"That sounds fun." Marge smiled.

"You have some issues lady." Chief Wiggum spoke in an uncomfortable voice. "Anyway, your lucky than you didn't took the Cannibal Murder Case 304. Every detective, policemen, agent, or FBI member has either been killed or thinks he's one of the three stooges."

"I would like to take that case also." Marge said.

"I don't think so. Not even a smart cop like you will take it for now. There are other cops who are more professional than you and some of them took the case. It seems this cannibal likes the taste of human flesh." Wiggum said.

"That's what cannibal means." Marge sighed with a boring look

"Show-off..." Wiggum whispered to himself. "Anyway, we do have a guy here who might know who caused all these crimes. He confuses me a lot with his talking. Anyway, you got to go to the mental hospital though because that's where he is."

* * *

Marge was walking through a white colored hallway with doors within the mental hospital as she was next to James Monroe. They were chatting about the warnings of talking to the man known as Daniel Nental.

"So let me get this straight? Your trying to get help from Danny Nental? He's insane, yet nice in a way, but still why should I?" James Monroe asked as he and Marge were walking in the hallway.

"Here's a bucket of chicken." Marge spoke as she handed a bucket of chicken to James Monroe.

"The doors that way." James Monroe pointed to another door in the hallway as he opened it revealing stairs. "One more thing. Whatever you do, don't let him toy with your mind... Unlike the other crazy people here, he's a mystery. He's the biggest prize here in this mental hospital."

Marge entered the stairway and found herself in another hallway and saw a path with cells filled with mentally patients who are criminals, out of their minds but innocent, or seen the Grinch who stole Christmas. The hallway was now made of red brick instead of what the materials that were made on the 1st floor. Marge walked through the hallway as the criminals stared at her with lustful smiles, burning their beds, or holding the bars tight as they yelled at each other or Marge Simpson.

"I wonder which one of these are Mr. Nental's cells." Marge asked herself.

Suddenly all the patients in the cells grew quiet as they heard the name.

"So Margret. How's your fear of flight going?" A voice said from a cell.

Marge walked to that one cell and said, "Nental?"

"Yes, Margret but I asked you a question. Be polite now young lady." Nental spoke as he staring at the wall.

Unlike other cells, Daniel's cell was bullet-proof glass and had a comfortable bed, a wooden desk, a lamp, and had hand-made drawings on the wall.

"How did you got all this stuff? By the way call me Marge." Marge asked.

"You didn't answered my question first. That's very rude. Anyway, How's your fear of light going?"

"Well. I'm able to go on planes, see a view from cliffs, and go on roller coasters." Marge answered.

"Is that so? You seem to take a lot of anger, sorrow, and fear of heights in so much." Nental spoke.

"I don't have a fear of heights anymore."

"Tell me Marge. Has your heart been pumping extra blood faster than ever when you were on that plane." Nental spoke in a voice that sound like something you would here in a radio from the 1960s but with a creepy tone to it. "Has your mind been holding the thoughts of your screaming and crashing to the ocean as a fire is running on the airplane's engine. Have you been holding your fear in and not telling people the truth about your f...e...a...r... fear... Don't lie to me Marge or I will know. Or I... will... know..."

"I'm not scared of heights!" Marge yelled as she was shaking a little.

"Are you sure? The way your acting right now tells me another answer. An answer that you don't want me to know. I want an answer from your voice missy. I want that fear within the true core of your happy place. Tell me the true answer!" Nental yelled.

"Okay! I am still scared of heights!" Marge said.

"I don't believe you! Tell me the time you saw yourself hanging from that cliff as you screamed at the age of 10, Marge." Nental said.

"How do you know all this! I haven't told anyone about that!" Marge yelled in fear.

"You can stop this Marge. You can stop all of this. Tell me what happened! What happened at the cliff!" Nental yelled angrily.

"I was just seating on top of that cliff watching a whole view of Springfield." Marge slowly cried. "I stood up from the cliff and my leg tripped. I than was hanging from the cliff as I was holding onto a root. No one came to save me as I screamed from that cliff... I was just a girl and no one came until I fell to the ground. I was lucky to survive that fall..."

"I was glad to have this talk..." Mr. Nental turned around with a smile. "One more thing. Come _closer_ please."

The woman did come closer but as she did, Mr. Nental said, "_Closer_ please.", each time she did. She stopped as her face almost touched the cell's bullet proof walls.

"That husband of yours, the one that sleeps on the floor as your stuck cleaning the floors of your children's toys. Does Homer always orders you to do the cooking for you as he's having a life in that NASA spaceship of his when your treated as a housewife to every Springfieldians here no matter what life you have as you try to cheer yourself up, but instead leads to the next step of disappointment caused by your love onesssss...?" Mr. Nental hissed as he stared at the corners.

"Yes..." Marge spoke as she looked at the ground when a tear came from her left eye.

"You must be very sad and desperate in this prison here just to talk about your sad-life filled with a problem next to another problem to me looking like a poor lady under the rain wearing that green leather-made coat and dark blue colored shoes. All you are to Homer is another object to clean, nurture, and have intercourse with that man you call your love." Mr. Nental spoke as he turned around and looked at Marge's tears dropping to the ground.

"Please... stop..." Marge cried.

"You will always be to Homer and your friends and family as another object who can't find true happiness as you hide your sorrow in those diamonds and purses which all you women find fantastic and glorious when instead is another way to hide your shame. I believe they call it another way to cheer ladies up." Mr. Nental spoke as he turned off his smile with a Texan accent. "Trying to hide your true feelings from everyone you call, family, friends, and that_ love_ of yours who most of the time doesn't see you as a wife... as a love... at all no matter what he does to make up for it. In the end, your just an object that no one cares about and doesn't care about what goals you even did successfully and always will be..."

"What do... you want... I just want you to stop..." Marge cried on the ground as Nental stopped talking in an Texan accent.

"I've been in many prisons young lady. I want to see a butterfly in the air, flowers bloom in the garden, a river flowing continuously and forever and ever." Daniel Nental spoke as he looked at his pictures that described his words.

"You mean freedom..." Marge who stopped crying but still was able to felt sadness in her heart.

"Yes. That one word called...'Freedom'... but forever with a change of life Miss Simpson... or Marge if that's want you want to be called." Mr. Nental said. "Missy, I know you're afraid of me but I'm more afraid of myself than you or anyone could imagine... but also happy at the same time..."

"Still... you can't leave right now Mr. Nental." Marge said.

"Leave? The last time someone said that, is that I ripped out his lungs and ate it cooked with a side of brown rice and boiled corn. Also, call me Doctor Nental..." Daniel Nental spoke.

"Ate his lungs cooked? No... are you the..."

"What? The cannibal who's been terrorizing the streets of this very town. Does it scare you but not break your heart? Does a criminal in front of your own eyes scare your gentle heart, but the way you are treated breaks, not scare, the heart of a woman who is still young in her thirties? Hasn't even passed to the point where marriage starts to get old?" Daniel Nental spoke.

"I got to tell this to everyone!" Marge said.

"Tell who? The one who mistreat you like an hobo on the streets drinking, drinking, and drinking but at the end you die for nothing like a lab rat? Even if you do with proof, the town is stupid than the foots of Sarah Palin... or are they stupid but smarter than Sarah Palin... that's a question that not even I know..."

"What about the children! They know your secret! They been yelling this for months!" Marge said.

"Children? Go ahead, but like I said before... adults don't believe in children neither do they believe in someone who isn't cared most of the time by your own kind. As for me.. I'm not human... More like a monster who eats people's trophies, or should I say organs..." Nental said. "When I get out, I might also decide your fate and end your misery..."

Suddenly Marge stepped back a little from Dr. Nental who smiled at her.

"I wonder if I should let you go free or rip out your stomach and eat it without cooking it... after all the people who work here has only given oatmeal and oatmeal only... The doctor needs meat, maybe some brain food to get it started. Yum Yum. I wonder what you'll taste like in the insides rather than the outsides." Nental spoke in front of Marge.

Marge was about to leave until Daniel Nental said, "What about that baby puppy that got crushed?"

"WILL YOU BE QUIET!" Marge yelled in both anger and tears as she stopped.

"You can't escape fear Marge, but is fear either me or something else that's considered worst in your life? What about the puppy Marge? Eight years old! Your first taste of misery! What happened Marge!" Dr. Nental yelled. "At least show me the files... I can still give advice in that mystery of yours..."

Marge had no choice but to walk back to the killer that made her feel strongly sad and angry at the same time. The woman gave him the files through a little compartment box. Mr. Nental read it and acted like he seen this before.

"I know the killer but I'm not going to tell you." Dr. Nental said.

"Not going to tell me but why?" Marge said .

"Your a cop. A person who solves the own case. I'm the one giving the advice young lady. Anyway, your killer is the same one who killed those people at Mr. Burns's Mansion during the blizzard." Mr. Nental spoke as Marge stood quiet. "Also, he's being distracted."

"Dis... distracted?"

"He just started to kill Marge and still is a beginner. Just started... I'm an expert, Marge. An expert."

* * *

It was nighttime and Homer and Marge were in bed in there own house. Homer was now healthy again but Marge had a sad expression on her face as Homer noticed something.

"Honey? Is something wrong?" Homer asked with no smile.

"Do you remember anything I've done successful?" Marge asked as she stared at a lamp that's turned off.

"Well, you clean and cook. Plus, uh... That's pretty much it." Homer said.

"Oh... I see... I'm just another object... ain't I?" Marge asked.

"What? No you aren't! I love you as a wife and I always will be!" Homer said.

"Prove it than..." Marge asked still staring at the lamp.

"Uh... um... I got nothing..." Homer said.

"That's okay than..." Marge saddened as she stared at the lamp remembering Nental's words.

* * *

It was nighttime at the next and two teenagers, a guy and a girl were walking in the woods. They were two happy lovers as they smiled at each other in the lonely woods.

"Don't you think this is a little creepy in the woods at night?" The girl asked staring at the moon.

"Creepy? It's not like there's a killer around here. Were all alone, just me and you and..." The guy stopped and the two teenagers stared at a small puddle of blood near a tree. They noticed that drops of blood fell to that puddle every two seconds.

The girl looked up at the tree and screamed in horror as she saw a body with no head hanging in the tree.

Seven minutes later a bunch of police man were at the scene, Marge too in fact as she was walking through a crowd of people who saw the scene.

"What do we have here?" Marge asked as she went to Chief Wiggum.

"This man is the local photographer." Wiggum said as he saw the dead victim being removed from the tree. "That man claimed that the Bone Killer is a man who likes purses and the only thing that makes him a man is his car."

"Why would someone get angry over that?" Marge asked.

"Seriously Marge. Lots of men can be insulted by this crap. You should know this." Wiggum stared at the body. "Anyway, we want you to inform Mr. Nental about this murder, tomorrow."

"Okay chief." Marge said as she didn't know if she should be scared, angry, stood there normal, or even go insane.

"Oh and can you stop by at the Kwik-E-Mart. Ralph needs a bag of chips for his party... I mean two chips that is..." Wiggum spoke to Marge.

* * *

It was morning and Bart was in the kitchen to open the fridge for a glass of milk. He felt tired as he opened the fridge, but that's how most people feel like after getting up from bed. The little boy closed the fridge door but as he did, he saw Manny Hunt and fell to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bart said as he got up from the ground.

"Me? Just befriending the neighborhood. I met your mother Marge. She's work for the police, I believe so..." Manny spoke.

"Yes. I know who you are. You're the Bone Killer. The one who tears people's skulls out and uses them as trophies." Bart said.

"Bone Killer? Maybe so, but I'm just here to introduce myself. A little visit if you might say." Manny said as he was about to leave the kitchen. "Oh by the way. That fat father of yours needs to lose some weight. He smells like something that got ran over... No really, he does..."

"Hello Bart." Lisa said.

"This your little sister Bart old boy?" Manny Hunt asked.

"Yeah, but don't hang out with her that much. She's kind of a dork." Bart said as Lisa got slightly frustrated.

"What's going on?" Marge said as she entered the kitchen in her police uniform. "Oh Bart and Lisa. I almost forgot to introduce Mr. Hunt over here."

"I already know." Bart stared at the tall man.

"Your son here is intriguing. Not as bright as one would think but clever by the look of his eyes." Manny Hunt said. "Anyway I'm going to go now."

Manny Hunt left the building as Marge put on her hat.

"I'm going to work now, be good kids."

"Yeah, yeah. You tell us this a million times. We don't need to hear it." Bart said.

"Oh... yes... a million times." Marge said a little sadly as Bart and Lisa was bored of what she said.

"I almost forgot. Dad told me that you should have a good day." Lisa spoke as she grabbed a box of cereal.

"He couldn't told me that in person?"

"He had to go to Moe's early." Bart said.

"Moe's." Maggie said as she entered the kitchen.

"Oh. I see." Marge said depressed.

* * *

Marge held some files in her hand as she was in the same hallway filled with cells of crazy prisoners who wanted to burn buildings, crush bones, and rape people's souls, but one man here is different from the rest.

"Mr. Nental. I'm back. Mr. Nental?" Marge said as she saw the prison Cell with bullet proof glass that had no prisoner.

She turned around thinking what to do. Thinking what happened to the crazy man. She then turned around and screamed as she fell to the ground. Mr. Nental was in the prison cell when she saw the bullet proof glass.

"Hello Missy. So whatever happened to that puppy on the road?" Mr. Nental grinned.

"Daniel. There's a killer out there that has to be stopped. I need more information!" Marge said as she stood up.

"First take out that video camera in your big blue hair of yours. You know, the one where James Monroe is studying my mind I believe. The same mind that went crazy for... I don't even remember..." Nental stopped grinning.

"What the... Fine..." Marge said as she took out the camera out of her large blue hair and turned it off as she placed it on the floor.

"Hand me the files you have there in your hand... The one about... The Bone Killer I believe..." Nental asked as Marge passed him the files through the compartment box of the bullet proof glass.

Nental sniffed it like an animal would than he opened the files revealing papers and pictures of the crime scene.

"Yes... The man you are looking for is a patient of mine from 1991..." Nental said.

"A patient? Who is it?" Marge said.

"Who is it? Like I told you before, your going to have to figure out by yourself. Anyway the man is not a normal one. He's running away from someone. Someone who passed a way but exists in the man's mind as a source of his unstabled life. He's running away from his dead mother."

"Why would he run away from his dead mother?"

"She's an pain in the ass! Why else?" Nental spoke.

"Oh. Do you know where he lives?"

"The question is, do you know where he lives? The answer been in front of your house the whole time... Tell me what happened to that puppy when you were a kid. A kid who did not knew what the word... "suffering"... meant."

"Why do you want to know it so badly?"

"Tell me and I will tell you. Don't lie to me Marge or I will know when your lying." Nental said with no expression on his face at all. "So, what did you saw when that puppy got crushed. Was that puppy on the road?"

"Yes."

"Was it black and white possibly a Dalmatian, stray dog, had three black spots, one ear larger than the other, stick his tongue out all the time. That one puppy in your eyes?"

"Yes..."

"So what happened to that one puppy. The one that grew silent as it got crushed..."

"It... I was in a school bus and I was little back than... I saw a little puppy on the road." Marge sobbed.

"Than what happened?" Nental said as he looked into a mirror of his cell.

"It got ran over. It screamed but the people who saw it just watched. The bus driver saw it to, but didn't stopped because of bus schedules. Soon that little puppy on the ground became silent than ever." Marge cried as her face and hands were on the bullet-proof glass.

"And that's when the point of suffering started in your childhood. You were the one who felt sadness in your heart as you cried for so many days at that point of your life. Soon, you imagined that puppy became silent to you in your mind. You didn't imagined it run over, you imagined it silent. Silent as a ghost that didn't haunt but thought of the mistakes it did in it's past. Am I right? A Canine's silence..." Mr. Nental said.

"Yes..." Marge cried.

"Thank you for your time. Your killer is Manny Hunt. A man who is in denial but kills like any psychopath or sociopath would. No motive. No objective. No reason..."

"Thank you..." Marge stopped crying.

"Thank you? When people find out who I am... You won't say 'Thank you'. You will scream until you choke. Now go. Time is ticking young lady. Tick-tock young lady... tick-tock young lady..." Nental said as he sat on his bed.

* * *

Bart held a baseball bat as he was with Lisa at Manny's Hunt's house frontyard.

"I still think this is a bad idea." Lisa said.

"Oh come on. It's just to find proof and were done." Bart said.

"Proof huh?" A man stood behind the two children.

"Told you it's a bad idea..." Lisa said as Manny Hunt was in front of them...

* * *

The two kids woke up as they find themselves tied to chairs in front of a green room filled with pictures on the walls with the word, "HATE" on it, portraits of an old lady, junk everywhere, broken vases, and skulls on desks, tables, a TV, pretty much everywhere in the room. There was also a closet in there too.

"Where are we?" Bart said in fear

"You know Bart. I noticed that you never used that bat..." Lisa sighed.

"Hello kids." Manny Hunt stepped into the room.

"What are you going to do?" Bart stared at the man.

"Rip your skulls out that's what."

"Uh-huh. That's nothing new..." Lisa rolled her eyes.

"What the heck do you mean?" Manny Hunt asked.

"Yeah, well. Your a killer, I know that, but ripping skulls out? I've seen skulls before and that's nothing new. I've seen Snake stuffed a skull with its spine down the pipes."

"You know... kind of think of it..." Bart said as he stopped feeling the fear in him. "You really aren't that scary at all!"

"Well... if your not scared of my skull ripping... what about this?" Manny Hunt said as he turned on the television.

Bart and Lisa saw the movie, "Godfather Part III" on screen.

"Oh no..." Bart said as the fear came back.

"It's just a movie Bart." Lisa said as Bart was screaming.

"Torture! This is freaking torture!" Bart screamed as Manny Hunt heard Bart's cries but not Lisa's.

* * *

Marge Simpson was in her police outfit as she was holding a pistol in both hands. She was at the front door of Manny Hunt's house. She opened the door slowly and saw what the house looked in the inside. There were skulls scattered around the room but she also saw cracks, broken windows and mirrors, and an eyeball on the ground. She walked into another room and saw her kids tied to chairs.

"What are you doing?" Marge asked.

"Just get us off of these chairs!" Bart screamed as his eyes stared at the TV screen.

Marge untied her two children but as she did a man stepped into the room.

"Hold it right there bub!" Marge said as she pointed a gun at Manny Hunt. The two children were hiding behind Marge's legs as she did.

"Found me already?" Manny Hunt said as he slowly stepped back towards a closet and a small desk in the room. "Mother won't like it if you pointed that gun at me."

"Just shutup!" Marge said.

"Shutup? I don't if you want to point that gun at me now? But would you point at him?" Manny Hunt spoke as he pulled a fat bald man from the closet and a gun from a desk.

It was Homer Simpson drunk as he had tape on his mouth. The man was pointing a gun at Homer's head as he gripped his arm tightly.

"If you don't walk away, I can easily break his neck." Manny Hunt said as Marge was shaking her arms. "C'mon. Just walk away or else!"

"Or else what?" Marge said.

"Or else I will..." Manny Hunt spoke for a while until he fell to the ground unconscious with a bump on his head as he dropped the gun to the ground.

It was Maggie Simpson holding Bart's Baseball bat as she was standing on the desk where the killer took his gun from.

"Killer go bye bye." Maggie smiled as she took her pacifier off.

"I guess he can go to prison now." Marge said until Homer angrily picked up the gun from the ground and shot the killer right in the head.

"What did you do that for?" Lisa asked.

"He made me watch 'Shrek The Third' all day! That movie was horrible!" Homer said as he shot the man again in the head.

"What was that for?" Bart asked.

"That one was for target practice." Homer yelled at the dead criminal.

* * *

"I'm glad that's over." Homer said as he was with his family and that cops, police cars, and citizens surrounded the house where the deceased Manny Hunt is.

"Yeah, but how could a two-year old child could walk all the way over to a killer's house from ours, grab Bart's large bat, be silent enough without crying, and knock a grown man to the ground?" Marge said as she stared at Maggie as she was in her hand's.

"It's just one of life's mysteries. Like, why was the man not breathing?" Homer said.

"You shot him in the head... twice..." Lisa said.

"Well, why was I drunk?" Homer said.

"You were at a beer-drinking contest. Don't you remember?" Bart said.

"Oh well. I'm just glad that all of you are safe." Marge said.

* * *

It was a stormy night and Mr. Burns was in his mansion watching a video tape of Doctor Daniel Nental strapped to a hand truck so he couldn't move his arms or legs in a mental hospital. In the video tape, a nurse walks over to Daniel Nental to give his medicine. As she does, Nental uses his mouth to rip her ear from her head. Suddenly a bunch of other employees saw what happened to the nurse. The employees rushed to the killer and put a mask made of metal that covers mostly Nentals mouth that way he can't use his teeth as a weapon.

"You evil bastard... Soon, you will be the one who gets torn to shreds after what you did to me." Mr. Burns spoke as he held the same mask from the video.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

It was nighttime and Homer and Marge entered Maggie's room to make sure she was asleep.

"Aw... she's sleeping like an angel." Homer said as he looked at Maggie in her crib.

"Let's not wake her up." Marge said as they left the room.

Suddenly Maggie woke up and grabbed a rifle, three grenades, a pack bag, a phone, a pistol, a knife, and a headband. The child than grabbed a picture of Fidel Castro on it. She was than off to her mission of assassinating a Cuban Dictator.


	27. Huge Prisons

(Update Dec. 24, 10. READ THIS!): Half of the plot of this story is based on a popular video game. Most of you probably would figure it out. Anyway, the new thing is that my stories will now have a synopsis because people who read these stories, might not understand or don't what's it about. Here's a synopsis of this story and you don't have to read it.

Also, some of you may know that I'm making a Simpsons version of Lord of The Rings. That's going to take some time as it is based on the movie which is very long. Anyway, I already planned the jokes in and I thought of two very hilarious things I should add in this spoof, though one is kind of awkward yet funny. Also, if you don't know, each of my stories are 4000-6000 words. New Treehouse of Horrors are 8000-11000 words.

* * *

Synopsis: Homer is taken into prison by the enemy during the war in Afghanistan. He soon becomes free with the help of someone familiar to him but as he is free that one familiar man is not. Soon at Springfield, Homer is starting to notice strange things around him as he tries to start his life again. Strange things that not only affect him but people he know...

Simpsons Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch and slip on the floor as it is made of ice. Homer Simpsons than gets hit by a hockey stick.

Ralph The Word: I like to pick my nose." Ralph smiled.

* * *

Two fat men were in an office of a mental hospital. One was smart, the other was stupid.

"Hello Homer Simpson." James Monroe said, a doctor of a mental hospital, as he sat in his chair at the desk.

"It's you. What do you want?" Homer Simpson said who also sat in a chair. Except that his shirt was dirty, his pants had some rip marks on the, his two pieces of hair was scraggly, and he was growing a small beard.

"I just want to know what happen to you. I want to help you..." James Monroe said.

"That's what all you doctors in the mental hospital say."

"Come on. Don't make it hard Simpson." James Monroe said.

"Fine. I'll tell you what happen."

* * *

It was morning time, and The Simpsons were eating breakfast at the table in the kitchen of their suburban home.

"Anyway... Since I'm have a day off from work, I'll go to your football game Bart, see your play Lisa, and hang out with Maggie." Homer said.

"What?" Marge said in confusion.

"You heard me. I'll spend my day off with the kids." Homer said as he ate his eggs on his plate.

"Why? This isn't some kind of trick is it?" Bart said.

"No! It's not a trick. I thought I should learn more about you kids. I mean, I actually do all the time last year, but I keep on forgetting so I'm going to remember this time." Homer said with a smile.

"That's great dad! Anyway, the mail came in." Lisa said as she handed the mail to dad.

"Let's see here... bill, bill, bill, Chinese bill, a letter from George Lucas! Who cares!" Homer said as he ripped it into shreds.

"George Lucas? Why did you ripped that letter into shreds!" Bart said.

"I used to believe in that guy! That guy used to make so many good movies through great story telling, believing in his friends and family. Now he's just a nut who does it for the money. I mean have you seen the prequel trilogy of Star Wars? They freaking suck!" Homer said.

"I don't think they suck." Bart said.

"Me either. I think it's pretty good." Lisa said.

"That's what all you kids think. Anyway, bill, bill, German bill, death threat letter from Fat Tony, death threat letter from Sideshow Bob, death threat letter from that one baby I kicked in the park, a letter from the US military? What do they want now?" Homer sighed as he read the letter.

"Well what is it Homey?" Marge asked.

"Dang it! I have to reenlist in the army again! I haven't finished serving the army. I just have two more weeks... Even worst! I have to go to Afghanistan..." Homer said angrily.

"At least you get to crush Osama Bin Laden with your huge butt." Bart laughed.

"Why you little!" Homer said in anger as he choked his son.

"You know. This is starting to get real old and people around here don't seem to care about Homer choking Bart anymore..." Lisa said as she, Marge, and Maggie are watching Homer choking Bart.

"Well... I guess I got to go..." Homer said.

"Isn't there a way out of there besides that? What about a discharge? Don't they have that here still?" Marge said.

"Yeah, but they said they won't let me go ever since I ruined the General's son football... Ah, Good times..." Homer said.

"Well, okay... but please remember that you'll come back..." Marge said.

"Sure. I came back last time." Homer said.

* * *

Homer was in a team of soldiers that were just training within an small American campsite.

"How the heck did you got in the war?" An American soldier said.

"When I ruined the General's son game, they said that I should be in war so I could sleep on the ground silently. I wonder what he meant by that?" Homer said. "By the way? Is this like a video game?"

"You disgust me..." The Sergeant said.

"Well if saying that it's like a video game makes you angry... than what about those guys?" Homer said as he pointed at a film crew outside but close to the Campsite.

"Those guys are making a documentary film about this terrible war." The Sergeant said as he sharpened his knife with a rock.

"Than what's Rainier Wolfcastle and Krusty the Clown doing there?"

"Well there... what the hell? What the heck are you two doing here?" The Sergeant said angrily to Krusty and Rainier.

"I'm producing the movie." Krusty The Clown said. "And Rainier is playing the main character."

"Yep. I play as a young yet muscular private who later will be a sergeant as he defeats the evil lord Guzu of the alien terrorist bands of nerds." Rainier said.

"Playing the main character! This isn't a documentary! This is a fictional film! You disgust me more than that Homer guy over there!" The Sergeant said. "Not only that you..."

BOOM! A sound was heard. Explosions suddenly appeared out of nowhere as soldiers of the enemy appeared.

"Oh great! The freaking Taliban is here! Now I know how World War II veterans feel when people make games out of World War II! Now where's my unit! Oh no..." The Sergeant said as he saw his unit and the film crew captured by the enemy.

Suddenly the enemy now surrounded the Sergeant.

"This guy will be interrogated for information!" An Enemy Troop said as he spoke in a different langauge.

"I don't know what you said but you ass maggots won't defeat us Americans that easily! In fact, pretty much the whole world hates your terrorism!" The Sergeant said as he was captured by the enemy.

"Throw the guy and the rest of the Americans in our secret prison." An Enemy Troop spoke.

* * *

Homer and James Monroe were in the office as Homer talked about what happened.

"I see? So what happened." James Monroe said.

"I was sent to some hidden prison. A huge one known as Tormentum. It was madness there. I almost went insane for a week and thought I could never escape to the light of freedom... that is until I met a certain Russian..." Homer cried.

* * *

"Where am I?" Homer said as he had a bag covering his whole head.

"Where the heck did he got that bag?" An enemy troop said.

One of the troops of the enemy took off the bag and threw him into a puddle. Homer stood up and saw himself in a large prison tower, but instead of having cells he was just free to walk but there were enemy troops holding guns still.

"Fresh meat... And he had tons of it" A man came up to him with a Russian accent.

"Who are you and what is this?" Homer asked he saw that he and other prisoners were inside of some kind of tall building with four large metal doors.

"This is a prison. Most of the prisoners here call it the Tormentum. Latin for torture. You may think you have seen this whole prison but you've only seen a piece of it. The rest of it are buildings, towers, walls, and many others. Yet, this large prison can still be hidden in the mountains. The prison not just for holding prisoners, but to torture people for information... this was built since World War II... By the way, the name is Ivan Dementro. What's your story?" Ivan Dementro asked.

"I'm just a normal man who has a family, a beautiful wife, three young children..."

"I once had a son, but then he moved to America as I was in the Red Army. I heard rumors that he's married and has a son of his own. Anyway, continue..." Ivan Dementro said as he and Homer sat down on the ground.

"Well, anyway... I'm American and live in a small town. I've don't got much to talk about here..."

"What about your family? Do you have something to talk about them... or do you not know them well..." Ivan Dementro said as he looked at a few prisoners getting brutally beaten by the enemy as they use metal bars.

"Yes. My wife is named Marge. She's a nice woman and I love her so much. She's always there for me when I'm in trouble." Homer said with a smile as he was in this cold distasteful prison. "Then there's Bart, he's eleven... sometimes he can be a little trouble maker, a graffiti artist, a person who steals money, destroys my car, and... I'll kill that boy if I ever get out!..."

"Sounds like you have a bad relationship with this son of yours name Bart." Ivan Dementro said.

"Well... not always, sometimes I go to his baseball games... or cheer him up when he's sad... or help him in his time of need... yep... Skinner sure got his house egged for good..." Homer chuckled a little.

"What about the rest of your family?" Ivan Dementro said.

"The rest of my family, there's Lisa, she's the brains of the family and nine years old... though sometimes she still acts like a little kid as I tuck her up in bed, read her a bed time story, and give her a glass of warm milk. Then there's Maggie... she's... well... hmm... she's a baby so I really don't know her well..." Homer said. "I promised I would return to them soon..."

"Isn't that more sad... Your children will grow up without a father as your in this despicable prison... even worst... this baby named Maggie will grow up without a father from a baby... she will become sad as a lonely rock on the ground waiting and waiting only to find itself in the same area it's always been..." Ivan Dementro spoke as he stood up.

"What? No, no, no..." Homer looked at the ground with no smile at all this time.

"Yes she will. This prison is guarded by an army of men. One prisoner almost got out but in the end, he was tortured for ten years until he decided to kill himself with a sharp piece of metal." Ivan Dementro said. "Huh? Why are you crying? Is it that you will stay in this prison forever until death will come?"

"Yes... but that I will never get to see my family ever again..." Homer cried.

"A man crying... I've seen those faces in war but I've haven't seen that for a long time as the men here have fought in war before."

"Tell me... What's your life like? Have you been through anything harsh?"

"I had best friend killed during the Soviet War in Afghanistan. It was caused by..."

"What was that now Ivy?" Homer easily stopped crying as he was playing with a fly.

"It's Ivan!" Ivan yelled. "This prison doesn't just hold Americans, and Russians from the wars. They hold many other people, Irish, Britain, French, Asian... even their own kind whether there peaceful, betrayed terrorism, or have no connections with them at all... We will be free soon American..."

"Why can't you just call me Homer. All you war-like people keep calling us by where we from. Doesn't that seems at least a little offensive? I don't know how but it just feels like it, Ivy." Homer said.

"How would I know? I just met you. Also, my name is Ivan, not Ivy! " Ivan said angrily.

* * *

A week later in the prison...

Ivan Dementro punched Homer right in the face as they were fighting within a crowd.

"Break it up Russian and American!" An enemy troop spoke in English.

"Break it up?" Ivan said with a smile.

"Yes, Break it up Russian... Why are you smiling like that?" The Enemy troop asked but was surprised at the same time as Ivan pulled out a detonator with a switch from his pocket.

He pressed the switch and suddenly the large metal doors of the tower prison exploded into pieces. The prisoners quickly took care of the guards as they tried to shoot them with the guns.

"Now it's time to..." Ivan said until he turned around to see Homer tackled him.

"That's for punching me jerk!" Homer said as he punched Ivan in the face.

"You do realize that your punches are weak and that the fight was setup right?" Ivan said not feeling one punch of Homer's fist.

"Uh... yes... a setup..." Homer waved his eyes back and forth.

"Well, come on. You will see light again comrade, you will see freedom, you will see your family again! Or do you want to rot here like a prison rat? The choice is yours!" Ivan said as he grabbed one of the guard's pistols. "Our goal is freedom of this rotten jail and goals are broken into steps. This is step one! Break the..."

"Go to the cafeteria for a delicious meal, Ivy?" Homer smiled.

"No and my name is Ivan not Ivy! And step one is breaking the obstacle in our path." Ivan said as Homer still did not know what step 1 is. "It's destroying the metal doors."

Homer still did not get it.

"Door go bye bye." Ivan said in a more less mature voice.

"Oh... break the obstacle in our path... why didn't you say so?" Homer said.

The prisoners now entered a hallway made of strong bricks through the giant metal doors that just got destroyed through an explosion. As they were walking through the hallway, they saw prisoners defeating the enemy troops through the use of using junk, like sharp metal or rope. They then took their weapons as they went towards the hope of being free from the prison known as Tormentum.

"Hey! It's Krusty and Rainier!" Homer said as they saw the two in prison clothes.

"These actors sure know how to shoot." Krusty said as he was holding a shotgun.

"It looks almost real." Rainier said holding two submachine guns.

"Uhh... You do know this is real life right?..." Homer asked.

"This is just a movie. In fact I bet that head over there on the floor is just plastic and the blood is just red maple syrup." Krusty said as he grabbed an enemy's head.

"What's with you? They look like they don't care about this riot and what are you doing with that head?" Ivan Dementro said.

"Look. This is just a fake head with food colored maple syrup that looks like blood. I'll even prove it." Krusty said as he licked the blood off the head which grossed out everyone who saw it except Rainier who also thought it was movie. "Doesn't taste like maple syrup... kind of raw like sushi..."

"I know that bloodlust or hunger for blood means to kill or destroy but this is just freaking disgusting, even for me!" Ivan Dementro said as Krusty threw the head away.

"They still think there in a movie. Should I tell them the truth?" Homer whispered.

"They think it's a movie in this place that tortures them? How do they sleep at night? Anyway, if we tell them than they'll just panic and ruin everything. We'll tell them later as they scream that they just killed people with actual guns." Ivan Dementro whispered as he, Homer, Krusty, Rainier, and the other prisoners were at another large door.

"Ivan! Are we sure we can trust these people? I heard rumors about a spy involved." A prisoner said.

"Yes we can trust them. Were all the same no matter what country, culture, or language we have in our mind, but our hearts have been tainted by violence so many times... it doesn't even have to be war violence... besides, we all hate the Taliban and there connections to other organizations that support terrorism like Al-Qaeda."

"I see. What's step two?" The Prisoner asked.

"Behind this large door are more prison guards than before but that won't stop us from seeking freedom! This is step two! Anger the beast!"

"This guy is good at acting..." Krusty whispered to Rainier.

"Uh yeah... what's anger the beast?" Homer asked.

"It means more prison guards will come."

"Isn't that kind of bad? Plus, that's kind of suicide don't you think." Homer asked again.

"You obviously never seen true violence. If you want to succeed this step you're going to need to lose something. That is sacrifice my new friend. You cannot gain without lose. Now push the doors OPEN!" Ivan yelled out loud.

"I have a question. How come your not pushing the doors like them? Wouldn't we die?" A prisoner asked.

"Just do it..." Ivan sighed.

Twelve of the prisoners opened the door but as they did an enemy troop shot them all far away with a mounted machinegun on rocks as the doors revealed the outsides of the prisons but yet they were still inside its walls. It seemed like a huge hallway due to the building, but they were no ceilings as they could see the black sky.

"Why does it look so real?" Rainier said.

"Just come! We need everyone if this is ever going to succeed! Step Three?"

"Fly like a bird?, Eat a hotdog?, Throw a rock at someone?" A bunch of prisoners suggested.

"Idiots... Anyway, step three! Take Down the Beast!" Ivan yelled.

"But what about that machine gunner? He's so far away!" Rainier as he was acting.

"Than we will shoot him till he falls dead and than we..." Ivan said.

"Guys. Were here now." Homer said as he they were at a radio tower.

"What happened?" Ivan said.

"Well, you talk too much and Krusty here shot the man with some launcher he found on the ground. You can get distracted too much with your fancy speeches and all." Homer said.

"Hey! My voice happens to encourage a lot of people!"

"Whatever Ivy."

"IT'S IVAN!" Ivan yelled angry as they and some other prisoners entered the Radio Tower.

"So what's step four?" Rainier said.

"Step four? Step four is the fall of Tormentum! We will burn it in the inside and the outside!" Ivan said.

"I understand destroying it in the inside but how will we do it from the outside?" A prisoner asked.

"Who said it was us going to destroy it from the outside?" Ivan said as he was at the computers of the Radio Towers.

"What are you doing?" Krusty asked as he looked at the old man typing on the computer.

"We will signal the army who has a strong hate for terrorism. The one's who will fight and not negotiate terrorism! The US army." Ivan said as he pressed a button. "Some of you must go up on the top of the radio towers and will destroy buildings that are slowing our efforts to freedom. I will send a speech to our comrades and those despicable bastards who dare to call themselves 'men'."

"You know. I think he's acting a little crazy..." Krusty whispered to Rainier.

"It's almost like he means it..." Rainier said as they both still think there in a movie.

* * *

Homer was on top of the radio tower along with Krusty, Rainier, and some other prisoners.

"Wow! I can see the whole prison from here!" Homer said.

"Focus! Get to the Anti-Aircraft Gun!" A prisoner said as he pushed Homer into the seat of the huge weapon.

Suddenly a speech was heard out of nowhere.

"Hello fellow comrades, Muslim, Russian, American, everyone one of you who want the chance to be free of this prison." Ivan said through the a microphone as everyone heard it through the speakers. "Now the time has come to break the walls of Tormentum and walk on the grass as we rest our heads but we first must deal with these men, if you should even call them that! We have been stuck, tortured, and broken here too long and when the Taliban was born, every government thought the Taliban would bring peace to their war-ravaged country. Instead they stripped the rights of woman, kill the innocent, gave their own people a bad name and brought terrorism not only to America but everywhere including their own country. They think they can just force their culture into others through violence! The only thing that there evil have brought is a bigger war to their own people, if they even care about them! We will send them a message. A message where Tormentum will burn back into hell where it came from! Now the destruction of Tormentum begins... NOW!"

"Man. He sounds like Gary Oldman, just a little more Russian." Krusty said hearing his speech.

"I wonder how he even knows all this if he's been stuck here seen the Soviet Afghan War?" Rainier asked.

Homer was at the AA gun pointing as he heard his speech.

"Take this scum!" Homer said as he was shooting at some people until a tall Prisoner punched him in the face.

"What the hell are you doing!" The Prisoner said as Homer stopped shooting.

"I'm shooting at those awful prison guards."

"No! Your shooting at our own men!" The Prisoners said.

"But aren't the men with the tan skin the... Oh yeah, Muslims are also prisoners here too and..."

"Just shoot 12 o clock." The Prisoner said.

"Where now?"

"Right over there! The tower with the enemy troops there!" The Prisoner said as he went to see the others.

"Okay." Homer said as he destroyed the tower with the AA gun.

But as the tower fell, Homer watched it falling on the some of the prisoners that were trying to escape.

"Is everything alright there?" A prisoner yelled from the other side of the tower.

"Uh... yes... In fact... um... I save a lot of lives..." Homer said as the prisoners, Krusty, and Rainier weren't looking.

"My leg is crushed by this building!" A prisoner screamed in pain as he was under the building that Homer destroyed.

"What was that?" A prisoner heard the scream.

"Uh that was me. I... uh... has somekind of disorder. Yes, that's it!" Homer said.

* * *

"So that's what happened when you were at the prison." James Monroe said as he and Homer were in the office.

"Yes. I even loss some pounds there." Homer said as he felt tired with his short beard on.

"I see. This Ivan guy who talks too much. Why did he trusted you? You just met the guy and he already gained your trust?" James Monroe said.

"Yes..." Homer coughed

* * *

Homer, Ivan, Rainier, Krusty, and other prisoners were at the roads of a wrecked Tormentum as they saw the black sky above.

"We must hurry and escape before the US military bomb this place." Ivan said. "Step 5!"

"Is it, pull my finger, Ivy?" Homer said.

"Why does someone say stupid crap every time I say a step? And my name is IVAN-!- not IVY!" Ivan said.

"Whatever Ivan."

"IT'S NOT IVAN! IT'S IVY! I MEAN IVAN!" Ivan said angrily in confusion. "Anyway, step 5 is set a road of flame!"

"That can be arranged." Rainier Wolfcastle said as he put on some sunglasses as he held a large minigun.

"Where did he got the sunglasses?" Homer asked as trucks and enemy troops came.

"Hasta La Vista Baby!" Rainier said as he destroyed so many vehicles and enemies with the large minigun leaving a road of flame as the group left destroyed vehicles and bodies on the road.

The group kept on running but than stop to catch a breath.

"That was easy." Homer said.

Suddenly Rainier pulled his minigun and shot a helicopter causing it to fall down to the ground.

"I was going to say Step 6, Take Down the Metal Bird... but never mind..." Ivan said.

"Hey Ivy? What are those little cylinder can things on the floor and why do they have a skull and crossbones on it?" Homer said.

"It's freaking IVAN! Wait a minute? Cylinder cans with crossbones on it?" Ivan said as Homer was standing to close to it. "Get away from that! That's tear gas you moron!"

Suddenly gas bursted out of the cans making Homer dizzy as he fell to the ground.

"Get up lazy! We need everyone for this plan to succeed! Don't fail me now! Don't fail anyone's hope to escape! Don't fail your family!" Ivan said as he dragged Homer away from the gas.

* * *

"So you were gassed in that prison? What happened?" James Monroe asked.

"It was so hard for me to breath. I felt like I was going to fall to the floor not breathing. I was considered an uncaring fat piece of garbage at that prison by other prisoners... and here in Springfield, I'm still considered that sometimes... but old Ivy never left me there to die..."

* * *

"Where am I?" Homer woke up as he was coughing.

"You finally awake." Ivan said as Homer found himself in an small airport of an airfield in the prison. "Do you know how long did it took to drag you all the way here? It didn't just took one guy to drag you here, but seven men! Anyway, come on. We will escape through the wings that will set to the skies! It's not fast, not slow, or has any weapons on it, but it the wings of steel will complete our final step! Hope and Freedom!"

"Wings? It's called a plane. P.. L..A.. N.."

"I know what a plane is! It's a figure of speech!" Ivan yelled.

"Whoever is directing this movie is pretty good." Krusty said as he heard more of Ivan's words.

"You do realize that this is not a movie anymore? Right?" Ivan said.

"So wait... those guys were actually..." Rainier spoke a little as he and Krusty saw the destruction of Tormentum, dead bodies everywhere, vehicles on the ground destroyed, flames appearing, buildings wrecked on the floor. "So wait... this gun in my hand is actually..."

"It's real." Ivan answered.

"Those dead bodies are..."

"Real."

"So that means I just..."

"Yep. You actually licked real blood of a dead guy's head."

"DISGUSTING!" Krusty yelled as he ran in circles.

"Just get in the freaking plane!" Ivan pushed the Krusty and Rainier who were freaked out what just happened as he also dragged Homer in the plane.

15 minutes later, the plane took off from the airport, on the airfield, and than in the middle of the sky yet was still close to the destruction of Tormentum. The plane was flying slow as they were in the sky but as they thought they were safe, they saw two enemy helicopters in green following them.

"Oh great. Now we got a bunch of guys tailing us now." Homer said.

"Oh what do we do!" Krusty said running in circles.

"He acts all brave in a movie but in real war he runs in circles? Pathetic... yet somehow funny..." Ivan said as he saw him running in circles. "Time to jump."

"Jump?" Homer said.

"Just me, Homer. You can stay here. Your not a man of war, Simpson." Ivan spoke as he grabbed a pistol from the floor of the plane.

"But were almost free from that prison!" Homer said.

"I'm too old and you still have a family too take care of. Do you want your wife to become a widower? Do you want your children to grow up without a father? What about that child named Maggie who's still a baby? She will be affected more worst than the rest of your family members if you die in the enemy's hands..." Ivan said.

Homer just stood there silent for a while as Ivan jumped off the plane and to a helicopter. Luckily the blades of the helicopter were above the plane, so Ivan entered the helicopter with no harm as a bunch of enemy troops were easily kicked out or shot out of the helicopter.

Within the other enemy helicopter, two enemy troops were chasing the plane until they notice something about the other helicopter.

"Uh... why is that vehicle heading straight towards us?" The enemy troops spoke as he was piloting the helicopter. "How could my day get any worst... Hey did you just farted?"

"Sorry..." The second enemy troop spoke.

A second later, the two helicopters crashed into each other causing an explosion as the people who were free on the plane watched.

"Ivy!" Homer yelled as he saw the crash.

"How come you always call him Ivy?" Rainier said.

"Isn't that his name?" Homer spoke. "Who's flying this plane anyway?"

Suddenly the plane went tilted until Rainier and Krusty quickly went back to piloting the plane.

* * *

"So you saw Ivan got killed in a helicopter as it got crashed into another?" James Monroe asked as he was sitting at his desk.

"Yes. He was dead... but not for long..." Homer said.

* * *

Homer Simpson, a fat man he was... who was returned to his family after escaping the awful prison. His family was happy to see him but Homer didn't felt like himself... if you count out the booze and eating...

It was nighttime and Homer was in bed with Marge but he had a sad look on his face as Marge noticed something.

"Homer. Is there something wrong?" Marge asked with an unpleasant look.

"You remember that I told you that I got out of that prison." Homer said.

"Well I got out of there with the help of this guy named Ivan Dementro. He died as we were almost free." Homer said looking at the ground from his bed.

"Well... if it makes you feel any better we could... you know..." Marge asked in a smooth voice.

"No and I know what you mean this time... unlike last time where I thought you wanted to divorce me, which than cause me to go insane... than burn down a store... than the mall... and almost the hospital..."

* * *

It was morning time and a ringing noise kept on coming as Homer came to it

"Coming! Coming!" Homer yelled as he heard the door bell ringed.

The fat man opened the door and saw a familiar old man.

"Ivy? I thought you were dead." Homer said as he saw Ivan wearing a brown coat, grey pants, and a green shirt.

"Dead? I passed that test many times in war. Another thing, stop calling me IVY!" Ivan yelled.

"Come in! Come in!" Homer said as Ivan entered the house.

Homer entered the kitchen as Marge was making Chicken Soup at the stove.

"I have good news! You know I told that this old man that saved me from that prison?"

"You mean the prison that I heard on the news where some guy just signaled the US military?" Marge said.

"Yes. That one. Well he's alive and he's here right now. I want you to meet him!" Homer said with a smile.

"Okay since this is the first time you're actually happy about an old man visiting to our home... but I need to finish cooking this chicken soup." Marge said as she added salt to the chicken soup in the pot.

"Okay." Homer said to Marge as he left the kitchen and now entered the living room seeing Ivan doing push-ups.

"I have to go now. I'll visit you tomorrow." Ivan spoke as he stopped doing push-ups.

"What? But you just got here." Homer said.

"Sorry. I have a meeting." Ivan told Homer as he left. "Still, I can meet your family some other time."

Marge entered the living room as she cleaned her hands with a towel.

"So? Where's this old man you've been talking about." Marge asked.

"He left. Darn! Ow!" Homer said as he punched his own knee. Suddenly he noticed something about both of his arms. "Hmm... when did I ever had even a little bit of muscles? I'm still fat by my arms are muscular"

"Muscles? That's impossible." Marge said until Homer looked at her. "Did I say impossible? I meant possible, heh heh... uh... I need to add more salt to the chicken soup!"

* * *

"Muscles?" James Monroe said as his desk. "When did you ever got muscles. I mean, a few people have seen you have muscles but still, you rarely exercise and even if you did had muscles, you would've still it like a pig and become a... well... a pig!"

"I know. Seems strange. Even weirder, I haven't done any kind of exercise to get muscles and I'm still a fat man from that prison." Homer said.

"What about this Ivan guy? You said he just appeared in front of your eyes. We actually have a report that he died in that helicopter crash." James Monroe said.

"What? He didn't died! He exists!" Homer said.

* * *

Homer and Ivan were at the backyard as the Russian met the fat man's kids.

"So these are your little rascals. You must be the little trouble maker Bart." Ivan said to Lisa.

"You do know that I'm a girl, right?" Lisa said.

"Oh sorry. The name Bart in my country is a girl's name." Ivan said.

"Really? I'm sure that Bart is a guy's name in Russia too. Anyway he's Bart." Lisa introduced Bart.

"So the boy is Bart, the girl is Lisa, and the baby is Maggie?" Ivan asked.

"Pretty much." Bart said.

"Anyway. Have you ever played a game called Russian Roulette?" Ivan asked.

"You mean the game that gambles your own life with a gun? I play that a lot with my grandpa." Bart said.

"Really? I was just joking." Ivan said.

"There not joking." Homer spoke. "I almost got shot in the eye by my uncle."

"Well, were not playing Russian Roulette, so let's play this." Ivan said.

A minute later the Russian was juggling three kids easily. At first, the kids were smiling and having fun, than felt dizzy, then threw up. The Russian put the kids down on the ground because of Bart throwing up on his shirt.

"At least... that ride... was better than Homer's butt crushing me yesterday..." Bart said as he felt dizzy.

"Why you little!" Homer yelled in anger as he choked his son.

"I used to play that game all the time in Russia." Ivan watched Homer choking his son.

"That's not a game. He does it to release his anger... often..." Lisa said until she notice something. "Uh dad. I think your strangling is actually killing Bart!"

"That's not true. When I let him go. He'll be fine." Homer said as he stopped choking him.

A little later, Homer, Ivan, and the kids watched Bart dropping to the ground trying to catch his breath as he was twitching his eye and finger.

"Must've been these muscles." Homer spoke as he stared at his muscles. "Even more strange. They look like they're growing more bigger. Plus my hand is covered in a smelly green liquid."

"Muscles? When did you got muscles?" Lisa asked as Bart was still on the ground.

"That's the mystery."

"Anyway, what about Bart." Lisa stared at the injured Bart.

"He'll be fine. Isn't that right Ivy?"

"I don't know... And stop calling me Ivy! It's IVAN!" Ivan said. "You almost broke his neck."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's introduce you to the other neighbors and friends." Homer spoke as he and Ivan left.

"That was strange. I wonder who dad was talking to?" Lisa asked herself as she watched Homer leaving.

"Hey! I'm still... here!" Bart still lying on the ground twitching his eye and his finger.

"I'm going to get some lemonade." Lisa said as she held Maggie and walked away from the injured Bart.

"I want... Lemonade too..." Bart yelled on the ground.

* * *

Homer enters the house with a laugh.

"Hey Marge! I had a great time with Ivan. He had to go for some reason and... Huh? What are all you doing here?" Homer said as he saw a bunch of people in his house.

"Homer. These are people who think your... well... crazy..." Marge said as she came up to him.

"Crazy about what?" Homer asked in confusion.

"You know that you keep on saying that Ivan is alive... Well he never was here... he died in that crash..." Marge said with no smile or no sad spot on her face.

"What? Impossible. A bunch of you guys saw him! Remember Moe!" Homer said as Moe came out of the crowd of people

* * *

"Who's this guy?" Moe asked as he saw Ivan next to Homer at the counter.

"This guy? This is Ivan. My new friend." Homer said.

"Ivan huh? Isn't he little too old?" Moe asked as he saw Ivan.

Suddenly Snake Jailbird came in.

"This is a robbery! I'll be taking my cash and free booze!" Snake said distracted until he got shot by Ivan right in the leg.

Snake fell down in pain as he was bleeding.

"Why does some old geezer always stops me when I'm distracted." Snake said.

"You there! Give me all your cash!" Ivan said as he threatened him by pointing at him with a gun.

"Okay, okay!" Snake pulled out his wallet from his pants.

"Than the cigarettes!" Ivan threatened Snake as he gave him a box of cigarettes. "Now a hundred bucks!"

"But I just gave you all my cash!" Snake whined.

"Fine. Tomorrow. You'll come back here with two-hundred bucks or I'll hunt you down like a wolf."

* * *

"And that's what happened." Homer said.

"Homer. That was you!" Moe said.

"But what about that conversation you have with Ivan?" Homer said.

"Allow me to explain that." James Monroe stepped out of the crowd. "What you saw never happened because you had multiple personality disorder. In your head you saw the identity of this Ivan man and your brain made it looked like that Ivan had a conversation with different people you knew that never happened. In fact, the reason why you have muscles is because you're the one who did all those push-ups and you're the one who juggled the kids easily. In fact you did other exercises that the neighbors saw, like jogging for an example."

"No. That wasn't me! That was Ivan! Bart and Lisa! You saw Ivan juggling you didn't you!" Homer said.

"No dad. That was you who was juggling us." Lisa said. "We tried to talked to you but you seemed like you had a conversation with someone even though we didn't saw who it is. Due to that disorder you had, you thought we were talking to you and Ivan when we were just watching what you were doing and then juggling us as we were screaming."

"I wasn't screaming." Bart said.

"You pee your pants, Bart." Lisa said.

"So that strange smelly green liquid on my hand was... BART!" Homer said as he tried to strangle him, but the men restrained him.

Strangely, it took seven men to restrained him due to Homer's new muscles.

"Get out of my way!" Homer said until he saw Snake Jailbird. "You! You owe me two-hundred bucks!"

Homer tried to reach to him but more men started to restrained him.

"Who knew Homer with muscles is actually hard to beat?" Apu said as Homer tried to reach to Bart or Snake.

"Uh, Homer. I think you should stop what you're doing." Marge said.

"Stop? I don't even know you!" Homer said in a Russian accent.

"Don't know me? I'm your wife!" Marge said as she walked closer to the restrained Homer.

"Wife? You are no wife of mine! Get off of me you blasted fools! And why does my hand smell like something of a goat!" Homer said in a Russian accent as he shoved three men off of him. "I said get off of me! GET OFF OF IVAN!"

"Ivan?" James Monroe said. "It's definitely Multiple personality disorder."

"I said get off!" Homer said as he shoved four more men off of him unconscious on the floor.

"This is not like Homer at all!" Marge said.

"Get off of ME!" Homer yelled out as he not only pushed two more men but strongly pushed Marge as well sending her to the floor. "Huh? What happened here?"

Homer saw men lying unconscious as his voice did not sound Russian anymore. He was back to himself again but he also saw Marge on the floor staring at him with a broken arm.

"What happened to you Marge?" Homer looked at Marge. "Did I did this?"

"Who else has muscular arms here?" Lenny said.

"But I would never hurt Marge." Homer stared at Marge

"That's not what that arm says. Take him away." James Monroe spoke as a bunch of men in white uniforms took Homer away to a mental hospital.

Homer just stared at Marge's face as he couldn't believe that he was the one who hurt he. He thought of himself of an awful man. An awful man who still believed that Ivan exists but couldn't believe that he would ever hurt the woman he loved. It was a feeling of pure cold sadness in his eyes as he was taken to a hospital where they, "_help_" the mentally crazy people.

* * *

"Now do you remember! You hurt your own wife! I've seen husbands slap or punch their wives but break there arm? Believe or not, that's just something that will take you away in jail for a long time, but I'll give you a chance of freedom. All you have to do is believe that Ivan does not exist anymore. He's dead, always has been Homer! Always have been!" James Monroe yelled at Homer.

"He does exist! He does!" Homer yelled from his seat.

"Does? That's one of the reasons why you hurt your own wife! The reason why your here Homer! The reason why you might not see your family again if you still continue to believe that stupid Russian exists! He's dead! He's freaking dead!"

"He's not dead or stupid! He saved my life!" Homer said.

"So what? Do you know what happen to so many people who received the Medal of Honor during World War II. Most of them died for their country saving people! Just like that Russian did saving your behind. You've been here for a week and you still believe that he exists? We have a report here saying when he was born, his life, his DEATH! You're lucky that Marge's arm can be healed! The next thing you probably would've done is crack her neck. Your even more lucky that you don't have muscles anymore." James Monroe yelled at him as he threw a report on his desk, when Homer turned his face left.

"He's alive..." Homer said.

"Alive? Alive! Then I guess you'll have to face another week in the cells!" James Monroe yelled as two men grabbed Homer by the shoulder and arm to his prison cell.

* * *

It was a week later, and Homer was in a stone-hard prison cell. He kept on staring at the other prisoners who were crazy because of things that drove them mad as they were in pain and felt suffering behind those bars. This mental hospital filled with prison cells reminded him of the large prison in the mountains called Tormentum.

"Hey... What are you in for?..." An old man said from another cell. This man was bald, skinny, had a white beard and wore shredded, dusty, dirty clothes. He looked like he hasn't seen the light for a long time.

"What am I in for. People think that a guy I know is dead and that I'm crazy. Because of that, I'm separated from my wife, my son, my two daughters..." Homer said looking at a puddle of his own reflection as he was in his cold stone-like prison cell. "What are you in here for?"

"I too had a family... a wonder family they were. A teenage boy, a baby girl, a beautiful wife, friends, and I had a good job, but my family mattered to me the most." The old man said. "But soon, I saw something in the sky, a UFO. No one believed me and everyone just assumed that I was crazy. My family began to worry so much and I was than sent to a mental hospital because of making a death threat to my friends."

"That sounds bad." Homer said looking at the man.

"It gets even worst. Do you know how old I am?" The old man said.

"No?"

"I'm 62 years old and I haven't seen my family for twenty five years, twenty six years, twenty eight years? I don't even know how long I've been here! I know it's over twenty but what's even more worst is that my baby daughter grew up without an father. She doesn't even know where I am, who I am, or what I'm doing now..." The old man cried. "I'm stuck in this prison! This isn't a place to help the mentally! This is a place to keep the crazy away from the public! I even gave up of thinking that UFO's are real and they still keep me here!"

"That is sad." Homer stared at the man sadly.

"What about you?" The old man said.

"I just told you, though James Monroe said I can leave this place if I just tell him that the man I saw doesn't exist anymore." Homer said.

"You should take it..."

"Why?" Homer asked.

"I'm a man with no job, separated from my family not seeing there faces again, letting my baby daughter grow without a freaking father to help her when needed in her childhood, my friends moved on without me, I have nothing! Nothing because of that stupid UFO that I now know doesn't exist!" The old man cried. "Don't end up like me! Don't end up like a man who never see the sky and has to keep on facing the same day in this prison! Don't end up as a man who never hears the voice of loved ones! Don't end up like me..."

Homer stood in silence for a while as he saw the old man cried in his lonely dark cell.

"Hey Simpson! You got a visitor!" A guard of the mental hospital said as he opened his cell.

A familiar person entered the cell in a green coat as she was wearing a blue purse.

"Marge?" Homer said.

"My arm is healed now." Marge smiled.

"I'm sorry what I did..." Homer said sitting in the corner of the cell.

"I just want you to come back home." Marge said.

"What's he doing here?" Homer said angrily as James Monroe came near the prison cell.

"Don't mind him, but anyway, everyone who knows you wants you to comeback. The children misses you. I miss you." Marge said.

"I'm really sorry about your arm though." Homer said.

"It wasn't you who caused it. It was this Ivan man you imagined."

"He does exist and..."

"He doesn't exist! Why can't you say he doesn't exist!" Marge yelled. "Everyone wants you to return from this awful place."

Homer looked at the old man from the other cell and remembered that he said, "Don't end up like me..." He than looked into Marge's worried eyes feeling sad and empty. He had no choice but to say...

"Ivy does, no... Ivan doesn't exist. He's just a man of my imagination. He.. did died... at that... helicopter crash..." Homer said closing his eyes as a tear fell from his eyes.

"He's free to go. I can tell it already that he accepts the truth." James Monroe said looking at the fat man's face.

Homer walked out of the prison cell, but as he stepped into the hallway, he saw the old man looking at him in engulfed in his own sad world as he was in his prison cell.

"You did the right thing..." The old man spoke in a sad tone...

Homer did not respond to his words but just became silent. He would later see the sky again, freedom but his freedom did not felt happy as he did.

* * *

Homer was sitting at his couch watching TV. The strange thing was, he didn't felt like watching TV, whether it was his favorite in comedy, action, or in sci-fi. He just felt a piece of sorrow in his heart.

"So, you finally uncover the truth." Ivan said.

"You don't exist." Homer turned away.

"How do you know? Your disorder only reminds you of what you saw dying in that crash. I'm just a part of your imagination, but maybe the real Ivan is not dead. " Ivan said.

"James Monroe confirmed that you were dead!" Homer said angrily.

"Dead? That's him who said my death was confirmed true, but what does your heart tell you?"

"It says you don't exist!" Homer yelled at him on the couch.

"That's your brain! How can you even think? What are you doing! That's not like you!" Ivan said as Homer pulled a gun out of nowhere.

"I'm going to end this madness!" Homer as he held a gun towards his head, still seating on the couch.

"You really are a moron!" Ivan yelled.

"Shut up! You don't exist!" Homer cried.

"Maybe so, but your wife exists and you're going to die as your wife finds you dead on the couch! What about your friends! Or your father! Or Bart and Lisa? You want them to live without a father! And even worst. Your baby girl. She will grow without a father at the beginning! That child needs both the love of a mother and father. The child whose name is..."

Homer was about to press the trigger until someone stopped him. Homer turned his head around and saw Maggie staring at him sadly as she held Homer's finger.

"Daddy." Maggie spoke with one word.

This caused him to drop the gun to the floor as he stared at her.

"Maggie?" Homer cried.

The man saw Maggie holding his finger tightly reminding him the day that Homer first saw her in the hospital. At that very hospital at that very time, Maggie who first appeared too has held Homer's finger there. Soon, Homer remembered Ivan's words that he had a reason to live. To be a loving husband to Marge, a good friend to so many people he knew in Springfield, to be a father to Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.

"What am I doing with this gun..." Homer kicked the gun away from him as he held Maggie in her arms. "I don't know if Ivan is alive, but I do remember some important things that Ivan told me why I shouldn't die. I should never leave you Maggie or any of my loved ones." Homer held Maggie high in the air as she smiled. "Let's forget about this and take a walk in the park. I don't ever want to leave you."

Homer left the house with a smile as she carried Maggie on his shoulder. Homer's disorder suddenly just disappeared as he was spending time with her baby daughter.

* * *

Three months later.

"I'm so glad your spending more time with the family and these pictures of Maggie are wonderful. You two look very happy together." Marge said as she looked at different pictures with the family at the TV room.

"Look Maggie. Here's one playing tea party together." Homer laughed.

"Here's a cute one." Lisa said. "Homer and Maggie are smiling together at the park.

"Well, I'm going to start making dinner. Kids, you want to help?" Marge asked.

"Sure, mom!" Bart and Lisa said as they and Marge entered the kitchen.

Homer and Maggie were now alone as they looked at more pictures.

"You know Maggie." Homer said as he held Maggie. "I don't know if you can't understand me but I'll always love you as my little sunshine from the beginning to the end. I hope you always stay happy..."

The two left to dinner as there were pictures laying on the ground. Pictures showing a father and a baby girl smiling each other as Maggie held his father's finger just like back then at the hospital where Homer first saw her...

* * *

(EXTRA SCENE)

Homer was at the door of an old apartment building as he knocked the door. Suddenly Snake Jailbird appeared as he opened it.

"Where's my 200 bucks!" Homer said in a Russian accent.

"I thought you were cured!" Snake said.

"Give me my 200 bucks or else!" Homer pointed a gun at him.

"Okay, okay! Here!" Snake as he handed him 200 bucks.

"It checks out. Good day." Homer spoke.

As Snake closed the door Homer chuckled, "Sucker. He thought I was crazy still." as he didn't spoke in the Russian accent. "I wonder if I can use this voice to terrorize other people for more possessions?"

"I would." Ivan said.

"You again?" Homer said.

"Oh don't worry. There's some people you know too." Ivan said as Frank Grimes appeared.

"Hello Grimey!" Homer said.

"It's Frank Grimes and who the heck are these two?" Frank Grimes said as he saw two more people behind him.

"Those? I imagine two bums when I'm scared and have to go to the the toilet." Homer spoke. "Now I'm just scared."

"You pee'd your pants?" Frank Grimes said in disgust.

"I didn't pee my pants." Homer said.

"Than why do you... Oh that's even more disgusting!" Ivan said as he and the other imaginary guys smelled something unpleasant.


	28. LOTR Ring Around The Rosie

Synopses: Homer Simpson tells the story of Lord of The Rings with other Springfieldians (Also, this story is very long so it has been split into chapters within the story)

* * *

It was nighttime at the Simpsons House and they were inviting a bunch of well-known citizens of Springfield for movie night as Homer lets them in, Marge grabs the chips, Bart and Lisa setup the TV, and Maggie hides her files of a mission involving assassinating Fidel Castro before anyone sees as they enter the door.

"Ned Flanders? What are you doing here?" Homer asked as Ned entered the house.

"Movie night. Your wife invited me after seeing you pushing me away from that car that almost hit me with that huge rock of yours." Ned smiled as his two kids, Rod and Todd, entered the building with joyful smiles.

"Yes... save you..." Homer waved his eyes back and forth. "By the way... you know that were all watching a movie that involves with magic. You know, something that you big Christians don't like."

"Don't worry about me. I've got a blindfold with me. I'll just try to guess what's happening through what I hear." Ned said as he went to the TV room.

Thirty minutes later, people were now in the TV room, it was a bit crowded but they were all here to watch one movie and that was..."

"Hey Homer. If were watching Lord of The Rings on DVD. Why can't we watch my Lord of The Rings at my place?" Lenny said as he got up from the couch.

"Do you have the extended version?" Homer said as held the extended version of Lord of The Rings.

"You got me there..." Lenny sat down.

"Well time to watch Lord of... Oh what the heck is this? Region 2! I must've bought it from the time we went to Germany for vacation last week!" Homer yelled.

Suddenly the crowd went downhill angry after hearing this.

"What are we going to do Homer! I'm not leaving because I'm here for entertainment... That and the heavy snow is blocking us in..." Moe said as he pushed the curtains of the window showing snow surrounding the house within.

The crowd of people even went more angry after hearing that they were stuck inside of the house because of the heavy snowing.

"Don't worry. I'll just tell the story of Lord of The Rings. After all, no one hates the movies." Homer said as some people began to calm down, though it was mostly the kids.

"What about the guys who read the book?" Bart asked.

"I've read the book and seen the movie and I don't think it's that bad." Lisa said as she came up to her older brother and father.

"Shush Lisa. No one doesn't want to hear you complain how bad you think the movie is. Anyway, let us hear the words of Lord of The Rings, a story where dragons reign terror, a place where heroes roam Middle-Earth, a plot where Sauron's eye was orange because there was no eye medicine back than..." Homer spoke.

* * *

**The Simpsons Lord Of The Rings**

**Ring Around The Rosie**

**One Ring To Rule Them All... Isn't That Right Democrats?**

Long, long time ago, it all began with powerful rings that were forged. Three for the Elves, Seven for the Dwarves, and nine... nine for the men, but these men seek power. These rings contained great power that governed the races of Middle-Earth, but soon... they were deceived as one ring that controlled other all other was forged at Mount Doom. The one who forged this ring was Sauron which he poured his cruelty, malice, his will, and love for rock and roll so he can have power over all life that exist.

That one man who not only had a ring in his possessing but also had control over an army of hideous orcs that would slash and burn innocent lives and their homes so he could spread his fear and love for rock and roll to other lands... but some resisted... they were elves and men who made an alliance so they can...

"Lisa? Why are you narrating this part of the story?" Homer asked in reality.

Someone's got to tell how it started? How else would they understand what's happening? Anyway, this alliance still had a chance of hope to defeat the army of Mordor, but the power of that ring could not be vanished. Hope faded away slowly until Isildur grabbed his sword and slashed through Sauron's fingers allowing that one ring to fall to the ground. He was defeated and...

"Hold on a minute? Defeated by just slashing through fingers? That sounds too easy." Homer spoke in reality.

Yes dad...Anyway, can I just narrate the prologue! Anyway, Isildur saw the ring and it was now his chance to demolish this evil power but a man's heart can easily be corrupted by a chance of obtaining great power. So he took it for his own gain instead of saving others from it.

Later, that ring betrayed him... betrayed him to his death as he was shot by arrows of Mordor's army. He drowned in a lake as that ring felled off of his fingers. The ring was never to be found until... a creature grabbed it... a creature known as Gollum who held the ring in the caves. It drove him insane where he couldn't even remember his name... Had no clothes, money, or food. Just lived in a cave and ate raw flesh of fish and birds.

"My precious..." Moe/Gollum spoke as he was within the cave

It was thought to be his forever until someone else took it as Gollum wasn't looking. A young man, a hobbit who goes by the name of Bilbo Baggins.

"What do we have here?" Herb Powell/Bilbo Baggins as he took the ring.

"Precious! My precious!" Moe/Gollum yelled out loud from another part of the caves.

"That guy needs a girlfriend..." Herb Powell/Bilbo Baggins said.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It was a small village called "The Shire", and the people there were known as Hobbits, people who were shorter than the human's average size. Some playful, some wise, some were idiots, and some were athletic. The town was filled with houses that had large round doors, and was filled with hills, green grasses, and had brown fences as children's were chasing butterflies.

An old man dressed in grey was riding on a cart with wheels driven through a horse on the road of this village. The man had a beard indeed, but also had a hat that you would see wizards wear, was taller than the hobbits, probably the height of an average man, and had the face of Abe Simpson. Out of nowhere a small rock hit that man's head.

"Ow! Who was that?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"That would be me. Your late again." Bart/Frodo said.

The hobbit pretty much looks like Bart Simpson with no change except having in clothes. The little hobbit was wearing a white shirt, brown waist coat, and a green pair of knee breaches (or pants if you don't know what it is).

"Can't hear you." Abe/Gandalf spoke again as he had a hard time hearing him.

"Your late."

"What?"

"Late!"

"I'm a crate?"

"LATE! L.A.T.E! LATE!" Bart/Frodo yelled.

"Oh. I'm late. Why didn't you say that before?" Abe/Gandalf said. "Have a ride on the cart. It's much quicker."

"Sure. Why not?" Bart said as he stepped onto the cart.

A little later, hobbit children saw Gandalf and sang a song.

"I love you, you love me. Were all a happy family." The Children sang together as they held a sign, "Hi Gandalf."

"Dang kids again singing that stupid Barney the Dinosaur song! Does that show even educate anyone?" Gandalf said.

"I think they want a small fireworks show." Bart spoke.

"Oh, in that case. Sure." Gandalf said with a smile.

Gandalf cast a spell over his cart causing a trick to happen. Suddenly fireworks appeared and pleased the children but Gandalf also accidently let a missile-shaped fireworks that aimed directly at the children from his cart causing screaming and burning. Suddenly the children are running around in circles as their clothes are on fire.

"Barney the Dinosaur say stop drop and roll! Say it with me kids." An Barney hobbit screamed as he was on fire.

"So Bobo? What's going on in old Shire?" Abe/Gandalf asked.

"Not much, but you just came just in time for Baggins birthday. Also, my name is Frodo, not Bobo." Bart said as the cart was riding on top of a hill.

"Yes. Anyway, I'm meeting Dildo for his birthday... and to check on him..." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Okay than. Well, I'm getting off this old thing and his name is Bilbo. Not Dildo." Bart/Frodo said as he jumped off the cart which was now heading to Bilbo Baggins house.

* * *

Abe/Gandalf stopped the horse from moving causing the cart to stop as he was at Bilbo Baggins house. The old wizard stepped out of the cart and entered the houses yard, than to the door. He knocked on the door and heard a voice saying, "No visitors!"

"What about a friend or award-winning actor Ian McKellen?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"What?" The voice was heard again.

"I said, let me in or I'll blow your head up with my staff!"

"It's you! I recognize that death threat anywhere!" An aged Herb Powell/Bilbo Baggins said with a smile. "Anyway, come in, come in."

This Older Bilbo Baggins in this story had the face of Herb but his hair was white and a few wrinkles under his eyes. (If you still don't get it about his appearance, than think about the wrinkles that Homer had in the episode, "Lisa's Wedding".)

Abe/Gandalf entered the house which was small to him but big to a hobbit that is. The old wizard walked further and got his head bumped into the ceiling as Herb/Bilbo Baggins came up to him.

"Dildo Baggins, Bobo is being suspicious about you." Abe/Gandalf spoke.

"Of course he is! He's a Baggins... that and I've been drunk each day... and I'm Bilbo! Not Dildo!" Herb/Bilbo Baggin said.

"Will you tell your secret to the young lad?"

"I don't know... but, I'm going away on another adventure. I want to see roaring rivers, snowy mountains, and hear this new song called jazz which I heard so much about. I want to finish my book!"

"What about Bobo?"

"He'll be fine. Though, if I asked him to come with me... his mind would probably say no... but his heart would say yes..." Herb/Bilbo Baggins spoke as he looked through the window. "But his heart would probably still have a strong bond with The Shire... the quiet woods, the peaceful rivers, the windy tall grass... oh, and his stupid big nose friend Sam... Gandalf, I'm growing old, old as bone and cell..."

"Now you know how I feel." Abe/Gandalf spoke.

"Yes... well, this would probably be my last adventure when I leave this place... I don't just mean last, I mean I won't probably come back... never I may return..."

"Well than, your birthday tonight will be a great time to be remembered old Dildo Baggins." Abe/Gandalf said with a laugh.

* * *

It was nighttime and a great festival for Bilbo Baggins birthday to be celebrated. People were dancing, children were listening to stories, fireworks were blown into the sky, and the hobbits were eating and drinking like they never before.

"Have some wine children." A drunken Herb/Bilbo Baggins said to the children as he had a glass bottle of wine in his hand.

"Uh sir. Don't you think there a little too young for that?" Milhouse/Sam, Frodo's friend, said as he came up to him and the children.

"Nonsense! This is Lord of The Rings! Not Star Wars big nose! Plus, look at that baby girl there! She's drinking more than us!" Herb/Bilbo Baggins said as they saw Maggie Simpson drinking more than the other hobbits as she was wearing her same clothes but they were brown instead and had a wooden pacifier.

Minutes later, two hobbits named Pip who had the face of Nelson, and Merry who had the face of Martin, held one large dragon firework under a tent.

"Let's blow the big one Merry... heh heh... Merry..." Nelson/Pip chuckled a bit as he held a match on fire.

"What's so wrong about my name?" Martin/Merry said.

"It sounds so girlish! I might as well say, 'Haw-Haw, your name sounds so girlish!'." Nelson/Pip laughed as he dropped the match on the ground.

That one match that was on rocky ground touched the dragon fireworks as the two mischievous hobbits didn't notice.

"Okay, where's the match?" Martin/Merry spoke.

"Well it's right... The dragon is going to blow up in the sky isn't it?" Nelson sighed as if this has happened before.

A minute later, that one dragon firework went up into the sky as the tent came with it. Soon it blew up along with the tent into a pretty red firework and then into a dragon made up sparks which surprised the hobbits in joy. Only thing is, that the dragon of sparks now was aiming towards the hobbits. The dragon of sparks flew towards the hobbits but all of them dodged to the ground as it flew upwards and then exploded into more pretty red fireworks as the hobbits were in joy again.

"That was a close one." Martin/Merry said.

Suddenly a tall old wizard picked Pip and Merry by the ear.

"You're lucky no one got hurt you two little trouble makers!" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Bye everybody!" Dr. Nick, a hobbit wearing medieval clothes as he died and was on fire due to the dragon firework.

"Bye Dr. Nick!" All the hobbits said in joy to the dead hobbit doctor.

* * *

Bilbo Baggins was on stage in front of every hobbit citizen there as he smiled.

"Well, hello citizen of 'The Shire'!" Herb/Bilbo Baggins said as the crowd cheered in joy. "I am glad to live among all of you hobbits, elderly, young, babies, all of you stand in this crowd. Anyway, this is the last time you see me stand on this stage!"

Suddenly the crowd went silent as they heard what Bilbo Baggins said.

"Yes... this is the end..." Herb/Bilbo Baggins spoke as he reached out for some object in his pockets. He then grabbed it as people were looking at him. The aged hobbit than moved his hands behind his back. "The end.. end... The end of Bilbo Baggins..."

Suddenly the aged hobbit disappeared into thin air as if it was magic. This surprised the whole crowd, all but Gandalf the Grey...

Bilbo Baggins suddenly appeared out of nowhere in his own house as he took off the object off his finger, the ring that is... the one ring...

"Well time to..."

"You thought you can use that to sadden people Dildo?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Gandalf? Uh... it was just for fun... you should try it Gandalf. And I'm not some kind of sex toy! Herb/Bilbo Baggins yelled. "Anyway, I'm leaving this place so I'm leaving all my possessions to Frodo."

"And what about the ring? Is that staying here?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Of course it will. Here! Take it." Herb/Bilbo Baggins said as he opened his hand freely.

But as the old wizard reached his hand to the one ring, the aged hobbit suddenly turned it away from him.

"I just want to hold it.. for a...a, a little longer. Hold that one ring... _Why should I even let anyone take it?..."_ Herb/Bilbo Baggins said in a slightly strange voice.

"Take it? Dildo, I think you should leave the ring here..." Gandalf said.

"_So you can steal it! Steal the ring from Dildo! I mean Bilbo! Steal my... precious... my precious..."_ Herb/Bilbo Baggins smiled at the ring as he petted it with his fingers like a dog.

"Precious? I've had heard people say that before but I've never heard it from you." Abe/Gandalf said.

_"Heard it from me. I think you should go! You want it too don't you! You do! Your trying to rob me than! You'll never take it! NEVER!"_ Herb/Bilbo Baggins said in an insane tone.

"DILDO! I am not a man of cheap trick! I'm not here to take that ring for my own interests! I'm not here to rob you !" Abe/Gandalf roared in fury as the ceilings, walls turned dark and the candles started to smoke. "I am here to help you... though I might steal your jewel collection... but still.. trying to help you."

"Oh Gandalf! And stop calling me dildo!" Herb/Bilbo Baggins said as he hugged Gandalf in tears.

"There there... you big crying sissy..." Abe/Gandalf whispered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Well, I should go." Herb/Bilbo Baggins picked up his large bag.

"Dildo. You still have the ring." Abe/Gandalf spoke as he walked towards the old hobbit.

"Oh... Yes... And my name is BILBO! NOT DILDO!" The old hobbit said as he took out his ring in silence.

He slowly dropped it to the ground as he stepped outside along with Gandalf. It was darker but could still see through the night due to shining stars. Bilbo Baggins turned around to Gandalf with a smile.

"You know. I just thought of a good ending for my book. And he lived happily ever after." Herb/Bilbo Baggins said to the tall wizard.

"Good luck Dildo, and if you meet those elves. Tell them to get a haircut, them hippie freaks." Abe/Gandalf said.

"I'll see what I can do. Bye my friend... AND MY NAME IS BILBO!" Herb/Bilbo Baggins said as he left the house and onto a new adventure.

"Now my next business tonight." Abe/Gandalf spoke as he stared at the house's door.

The tall old wizard in grey clothes stepped towards the ring where Bilbo dropped it in front of the doorway inside the house. He reached for the ring but as he did, he suddenly had a short vision of a red glowing eye that says, "_I see you..." _and than he held his hand away from the one ring.

* * *

Frodo entered Bilbo Baggins house and saw only darkness as the candles fire were extinguished to nothing but tiny wisps of smoke. The young lad looked to the ground and saw a ring of some sort. As he picked up with his bare hand he heard a voice.

"Dildo Baggins is gone right now." Abe/Gandalf spoke as he was sitting in a chair of a room where the chimney fire is.

"I know that." Bart/Frodo said.

"Yes. Anyway, the old man left all of his possessions to you... including that despicable ring..." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Despicable? How is it despicable? Things like that you should be thrown, or smash, or burned in fire and..."

"Burned in fire? Hand me the ring." Abe/Gandalf said as he reached for some pliers.

The young hobbit handed him the ring as Gandalf took it through pliers. The old wizard threw the ring into the fire beneath the chimney. He then took it out of the fire through the use of pliers again.

"Bobo. Take it, it's not hot." Gandalf said as he handed it to Frodo.

"Ow! This thing is still hot and my name is Frodo!" Bart/Frodo yelled as he dropped the ring to the ground. "By the way I see Elvish writing on it."

"Elvish? Huh? Who goes there!" Abe/Gandalf said as he used his staff to zapped a moving object.

"You just killed the Crazy Cat Lady's cat." Bart/Frodo said looking through the window and picked up the ring from the ground.

Another noise was heard and Gandalf shot something again.

"You just fried an innocent mother pigeon." Bart/Frodo said.

Another noise was made and Gandalf zapped it but this time he heard a man yelling, "MY EYE! MY FREAKING EYE!"

"Do you ever look before zapping it?" Bart/Frodo said.

"Why the heck would I want to do that? Anyway, you must leave at once! That ring is made by the hands of Sauron, forged in Mt. Doom which is in the land of Mordor."

"Mordor?"

"Yes. Many people think that Sauron is destroyed, but his life force isn't and that he needs this one ring of power to return to the surface not only that he..."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Ring is corruptive, evil returns, got that." Bart/Frodo said with a boring look on his face as he grabbed a bag and a green cloak on.

"Anyway, when you leave this place, we will meet at 'The Bree'. A man will be waiting there for you. He's not wise, or strong... in fact he's kind of a fat dumbass if you think of it but still. He will help you and... Who's out there now?" Abe/Gandalf spoke as a noise was heard from the windows.

The tall man walked towards the window and grabbed a Hobbit from the bushes who had a big head, big nose, wore glasses, and had the same clothes as Frodo.

"Sam? What did you heard?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"I just heard something about a ring, some kind of evil, and a fat dumbass." Milhouse/Sam said.

"Your coming with Bobo too." Abe/Gandalf said.

"But why and who's Bobo?"

"Your coming with him or I'll fry you just like I just fried that bird! Also, that's Bobo." Abe/Gandalf threatened the young hobbit. "Anyway, I have to go meet an old friend."

"By the way. His name is Frodo." Sam said.

"Frodo? Is there anymore secrets you would like to tell me, Bobo?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Old people today..." Bart/Frodo sighed.

* * *

Gandalf was on a white horse as he entered Isengard, a circular fortress of black stone where a tower known as Orthanc stood in the middle of a beautiful forest. He got off the horse as he was now near the tower and another wizard in white.

"Hello Saruman. Good day were having." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Yes Gandalf. You must be tired from your trip." Mr. Burns/Saruman said as he wore a white robe, held a white staff with an orb on top, and had an beard on his face that looked like Mr. Burns. "Why don't you come in and we can have a chat along the way."

"Sure! I need to rest from that long ride."

"Excellent..." Mr. Burns/Saruman said with a smile as both of his hands were touching together.

The two wizards were walking in a blue colored hallway within the tower. Gandalf explained everything of what happened at the Shire.

"I see... The ring has been found." Mr. Burns/Saruman smiled as they stepped into a room.

"Yes. We should help the hobbits that will throw the ring to Mt. Doom." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Throw the ring? Your stupid as always Gandalf. Why throw the ring when we should join Sauron for power as us friends rule Middle-Earth?" Mr. Burns/Saruman laughed.

"You joined Sauron for power... Well, that does sound nice... but still, no!"

"I see... Then I can't let you leave this place..." Mr. Burns/Saruman said as the all the doors of this room were shut down. "I'm giving you one more chance Gandalf. Join or die!"

"I'll never join you!" Abe/Gandalf said as he turned his wooden staff into a blue light saber.

"Very well than..." Mr. Burns/Saruman spoke as he turned his white staff into a red light saber.

The two wizards fought with light sabers. They kept on fighting and fighting with these weapons until Saruman pushed Gandalf to the wall with his left hand without even touching him as if he was psychic.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Abe/Gandalf said. "I know we can turn our staffs into light sabers, but there's no such thing as 'The Force'."

"I know that. I have a very small staff taped to my wrist that's causing that trick." Mr. Burns/Saruman said as he showed a small white stick taped to the wrist under his sleeve.

Saruman then used his small staff to throw Gandalf into the walls, to the floor, and to the walls again. He then made him stand on the floor straight and then made him fall to the floor as his legs were still touching the floor continuously as he looked like a drinking bird

"What are you doing now?" Abe/Gandalf said as his face was bruised.

"Testing out this new gymnastic move I heard all about from the northern lands. The split."

"AHH!" Abe/Gandalf screamed as his legs were forcefully stretched on two opposite sides in pain.

"Now be gone!"

Saruman used his magic to lift Gandalf and then he threw him towards the ceiling but it felt endless as the tower was huge and tall which caused him to scream, "I WISH I KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AT THAT DRUNKEN CHRISTMAS PARTY!".

* * *

**Chapter 2**

The two hobbits named Frodo and Sam were walking through a field of corn as they chatted about how they wished they could be back at The Shire instead of a dangerous journey that could kill themselves or possibly even suicide.

"Yes. Playing in the woods, getting drunk on Tuesdays, and egging houses with huge dragon eggs." Bart laughed until two more hobbits appeared with corn in their hands from the corn field. It surprised them as the two other hobbits were familiar to them.

"What are you doing here Pip and Merry... heh heh... Merry, what a girlish name..." Bart chuckled.

"Why does everyone keep on laughing about my name!" Martin/Merry said.

"Yeah, yeah! We stole some food and old man Johnson is chasing us with his dogs!" Nelson/Pip said.

"What? You stole that much food! You could've stolen more!" Bart/Frodo said as the four hobbits were running out of the corn field.

"Could've but ol' Merry here is tripped the dog again." Nelson/Pip said as they were finally out of the corn field.

As they stood outside of the cornfield, they also stood at a cliff. First it was Frodo, than Sam, than Merry, and then big Pip stepped out of the cornfield towards the cliff without seeing it coming causing all four hobbits to fall. Luckily the cliff wasn't that high as they fell to a road in the middle of the woods.

"That freaking hurt!" Nelson/Pip said.

"If you thought of a better way to get here than I would like to hear it." Milhouse/Sam said.

"Wait a minute..." Bart/Frodo said as he looked where he was.

"What is it Frodo?" Martin/Merry said.

"We can't be on the road! We have to hide now!" Bart/Frodo said.

"Why should we?" Nelson/Pip said until the four hobbits heard a loud screeching that sounded like the cry of a lonely dark creature heading this way.

The four hobbits stepped off the road and hid under a large hole of the slope of the road. The hole was similar to a cave but very small and had the roots of a tree on top. The four hobbits later heard sound of a horses hooves and an angry grunt from it. It was a black horse in armor where a strange figure in armor that had black robes covering most of it. It was faceless and hooded as he got off the horse with insane red eyes. The strange figure walked towards the roots of a tree but not the hole under it.

The hobbits froze for a moment as they could see the figure through the holes of the roots searching for something... or someone. Pip slowly reached for a carrot and threw it out of the hole for a distraction of the strange figure but he did not hear the noise. Pip than grabbed a large corn and threw out of the hole again but the strange figure did not hear it.

"Go that way you moron!" Nelson/Pip yelled at the hooded figure.

The hooded figure did what Pip said without even looking where that voice came from.

* * *

The four small hobbits were running in the forest at nightfall. They stopped to catch their breath as one of them spoke.

"Who was that?" Martin/Merry asking a question.

"How would I know? We just need to go to Bree." Bart/Frodo said.

"I know the way." Nelson/Pip said.

The four hobbits were running again in the woods but as they did, the hooded figure mounted on his horse appeared again with a long sword he held in his hand. The four hobbits managed to get away from the hooded figure as they saw docks and a small boat attached to rope. As they ran to the docks, the hooded figure appeared again. Pip and Merry managed to get to the boat first as they begin to untie the rope attached to the boat. Soon, Sam was on there as he jumped to the boat as he landed on his huge nose during the time Pip and Merry untied the rope. The hooded figure still kept on chasing them as Frodo was not on the boat still.

"This kind of seems strange!" Bart/Frodo says as he was running for his life.

"What?" Milhouse/Sam yelled.

"Why am I going in slow-motion along with that hooded guy! Where the hell is that music coming from?" Bart/Frodo yelled as he was being chased by the hooded figure in slow motion and is hearing music from the soundtrack of Lord of The Rings.

"Just jump!" Nelson/Pip said as Frodo was now on the pier.

The last of the hobbits jumped off the pier as he was told and landed on the boat. The hooded figure on the horse stopped at the pier as three more hooded figures appeared from the woods. Soon, the hobbits saw the hooded figures ride away as they failed their objective if they even know what it is.

"Thanks for not leaving me." Bart/Frodo said as he was tired.

"Yes... not leaving you..." Milhouse/Sam waved his eyes back and forth.

* * *

The Hobbits were in Bree at nighttime in the middle of the rain, as they entered a pub where they will meet Gandalf... or maybe someone else. As the four children... I mean Hobbits entered the pub, all they saw was men smiling, partying, drinking rum, and chatting with each other, but no Gandalf. Frodo walked to the owner to the pub right over to the counter to ask questions of Gandalf.

"Excuse me, but have you seen a man who goes by the name Gandalf the Grey? He's old, wears a pointy hat, has a beard, and yells out about his boring stories about the time he was in this drunken Christmas Party last year. Also he may accidently burn children's clothes during fireworks." Bart/Frodo said as the pub saw the hobbits.

"Hey there little gnomes." Ian/The Pub owner said.

"Were hobbits, not gnomes." Milhouse/Sam said.

"You hobbits say your gnomes? I'm sure your hobbits because gnomes have pointy hats while you hobbits have hairy feet. Who am I again?" Ian/The Pub Owner said.

"Your Ian dude."Otto/The Second Pub Owner said.

"I thought you were Ian." Ian/The Pub Owner spoke.

"No. I'm Otto. Your... Now I forgot again." Otto/The Second Pub owner spoke in confusion.

* * *

"What do we do now?" Martin/Merry said as he was sitting at a table of the pub with his three companions.

"How would I know?" Nelson/Pip said in frustration as he thought they all came here for nothing.

"Who's that?" Bart/Frodo spotted a fat man in a red hood staring at them.

"Your wondering who's that?" Ian/The Pub Owner spoke as he heard there little conversation. "That there is a... wait a minute... oh yeah, he's a ranger. Around here, he's know by many names. The fat dumble berry, the moron of heavens hills, the drunken destroyer of weddings, but he's mostly known as Strider."

"Strider?..." Bart/Frodo whispered to himself as held the one ring in his hands.

As he continued to held that one ring in his hands, he suddenly felt dizzy and numb. He continued to hold the ring as it said, "_Baggins... Baggins..."_, but because of feeling dizzy and numb a little more he slowly fell to the ground as the ring was released from his hands in the air. As his back touched the ground the ring went from the air and through Frodo's middle finger because he was holding only his middle finger and no other finger.

A moment later, the hobbits, the drunks, the pub owners, all of them saw the hobbit disappear.

"Man... I really need to get off the hook." Otto/The Pub Owner spoke as he threw away a sack of the stash outside in the rain.

Frodo who was invisible was now in another mysterious place shrouded in mist and covered in black castles as there was a huge eye in front of him.

"_I see you..."_ Sauron said to the little hobbit.

"Well, I see you too, but it doesn't change the fact that your eye needs medicine. Seriously, your eye is freaking disgusting with all that orange on it." Bart/Frodo said describing Sauron's eye in a disgusting tone.

"_Why does everyone say that?"_ Sauron said as Frodo took the ring off of his finger. "_Why am I so lonely..."_

Frodo now appeared visible in the pub again, but as he did the man in the red hood named Strider that Frodo just saw grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him on the stairs, into the second floor of a hallway, opened the third room left of the pub, and entered it showing a few beds, a couple of windows, some candles, and a table with chairs.

The man in the red hood threw him to the floor.

"Are you scared, little hobbit?" Homer/ Strider said revealing his face and shape that looked exactly like Homer Simpson but his clothes were now a red cape with a hood, two black shirt which is a leather black shirt on top of a woolen black shirt, and wore long grey pants.

"Only if you try to crush me with your huge butt." Bart/Frodo laughed on the floor.

"Why thou little!" Homer/Strider choked the little hobbit with his bare hands.

Suddenly three hobbits of Frodo quickly entered the room where they carried Merry carried a candle, Pip carried a stool, and Sam carried a chair.

"Release him or we'll hurt you with these..." Milhouse/Sam said until Strifer interrupted them.

"Hurt me with a candle, stool, and a chair? I have a sharpened sword here." Homer/ Strifer said as he pulled out a long sharpened shiny sword. "So what are you going to do about it with those puny tools?"

Suddenly Pip kicked Strifer in the knee hard causing him to fall on his knees, than he smashed the stool right on his head causing him to fall to the ground with two bumps on his bald head. Even though Strifer was hit by a hobbit's strong fist and a stool right in the head, he still manage to get up.

"That may have hurt, but my head is so strong that a boxing match can't hurt me!" Homer/ Strifer said until Pip took his sword and stabbed him right in the chest. "OW! YOU LITTLE!"

"What do you know. He really is strong." Martin/Merry spoke as Strifer took the sword out.

"Your lucky you didn't aim at my heart! This still freaking hurts though!" Homer yelled out in pain as he was still able to stand with a wound in his chest. "Anyway, we must all go before they come."

"They?" All the hobbits said.

* * *

At the wooden walls of Bree as a small fortress, the gatekeeper heard knocking noises during the rain of nighttime.

"Coming!" Hans Moleman/The Gatekeeper said as he grabbed the keys and took a walk to the gate.

The Gatekeeper looked through an open compartment and was surprised as suddenly the door of the wooden fortress fell right on him as four black hooded figures riding on horses trampled the old man as they enter Bree.

"Oh... I have four more days of retirement and I'm dying... the 27th time..." Hans Moleman/The Gatekeeper said as he badly bruised during the rain that washed his blood away.

As the black hooded figures rided there black-colored horses through the town as citizens hide from them, one of them spoke.

"_I have a question..."_ One Hooded figure asked as he was riding on his horse.

"_What?... Were on a mission you know..."_ Another Hooded Figure rode his horse.

"_Have you notice that every time we appear... That some strange loud music comes and that we always move in slow-motion at least once?... Why does that keep on happening?..." _The hooded figure said as he rode in slow-motion when music came out of nowhere.

"_The loud music is played by Howard Shore, idiot so we can look all scary and cool. He's right here now." _The Hooded figure said as they passed right by Howard Shore in a suit as he was writing notes for more for music.

"Hmm... Is this the right note?" Howard Shore said looking at his notes for more ideas.

* * *

Four Hooded figures stood in a room as they stared at four beds with four hobbits sleeping under their blankets. The hooded figures raised their swords and stabbed through the beds only finding out that there were no hobbits at all as they saw feathers coming out.

"_There's only pillows in this bed!" _One of the hooded figures spoke in anger.

"_Uh... what about this one?_" A hooded figure spoke as his sword was covered in blood.

Suddenly Krusty the Jester stood up in pain as he was stabbed right through his Jester clothes and into his chest as the hooded figures were watching.

"Oh man. Please tell my wife that I love her." A dying Krusty the Jester crawled on the floor as he grabbed the robe of the hooded figure. "But don't tell my other wives about this... If they find out... they'll... hmm... I'm dying anyway so just tell them to suck on a pipe..."

Suddenly Krusty the Jester fell to the ground dead as the hooded figures screeched in anger because their mission wasn't complete.

Strifer and the four hobbits watched and heard the hooded figures from another room of another pub.

"What are they?" Bart/Frodo said watching the angry hooded figures screeching from the other pub.

"They were once men until they received nine rings. Each destroying their souls and turning them into slaves of Sauron. They are known as ring wraiths, black riders, slow-motion-loud-music swords-men but they are mostly called the Nazgul, neither living or dead." Homer/Strifer said as he drank a bottle of beer. "These Nazgul feel the presence of the ring, slow motion effects and strange loud music circling them. They will never stop hunting you hobbits."

"Yeah, and that you sure drink a lot of that beer, Duffete." Nelson/Pip said as Strifer held a beer with the words, Duffete on it.

"Let's just leave this place." Martin/Merry said.

"Yeah, yeah... What's your name?" Homer/Strifer asked.

"It's Merry." Martin/Merry said.

Suddenly Strifer let out a big laugh and saying, "Merry? That's a girl's name!"

"Not again..." Martin/Merry grunted.

* * *

Frodo and his companions stayed at a cave of the higher part of the hill of Weathertop that also had stairways that lead to both the bottom and top of the Weathertop. The group got there supplies ready as Strifer watched over the area surrounding the Weathertop.

"You four. Have these as I take a look around this place." Homer/Strifer said as he handed four small swords to four of the hobbits.

"Cool! I'm going kill some fell beasts with this!" Nelson/Pip said as he already mastered the sword.

"Uh... Why does this has the name loser carved into my sword?" Milhouse/Sam asked.

"That's because your a loser, huge head with huge nose." Homer/Strifer said as he stepped out of the cave to take a look around.

It was nighttime and Frodo was sleeping in the cave until he woke up after hearing noises of a roaring fire. He stood up and was surprised in an negative manner when he saw the other three hobbits cooking sausages on a frying pan through a tiny campfire.

"What the heck are you doing! Take that fire out now!" Bart/Frodo said as he extinguish it through wood and his feet.

Suddenly the four hobbits heard an angry screech out of nowhere.

"Oh boy... not again..." Bart/Frodo sighed as the four hobbits took a peek out of the cave to see five of the Nazgul.

The four hobbits pulled out there small swords as they ran towards the stairway that lead to the summit of the Weathertop. The summit was filled with stony statues, columns, and huge rocks as the hobbits stood in the middle of a summit surrounded by nightfall.

The hobbits were silent as they watched every part of the summit. Suddenly five of the Nazgul, armored figures that wore black hooded robes, appeared with gleaming swords as they grasped it tightly.

"_The strange music and slow-motion is happening again."_ One of The Nazgul argued.

_"Stop whining about this. It always happens and no one freaking cares! Just kill the hobbits..."_ Another Nazgul spoke.

"Stay back you monsters or I'll... I'll stab you right in the head!" Milhouse/Sam said in fear as he and the other hobbits held their swords tightly, but the silent dark Nazgul just came closer.

Sam tried to attack as the Nazgul walked closer in a sword stance but he was easily pushed to the ground. The other two, Pip and Merry, were also pushed towards a statue as Frodo fell to the ground in fear. Soon Frodo heard the words, "_Baggins..."_ from his pocket. He pulled it out revealing it to be the ring that spoke to him.

Suddenly all the Nazgul stared at him and walked closer to the young hobbit on the ground. Frodo could not resist the ring any more longer as he slipped it into his finger. He suddenly just vanished but the Nazgul could still see him as Frodo saw them as unhooded figures in white clothes, have dried-up heads wearing crowns as they held there blades. They saw the ring and try to take it from him, but Frodo held it away from them causing the Nazgul to stab the invisible Hobbit.

"AHH!" The hobbit screamed in pain as he was stabbed and took the ring off causing him to be visible.

Suddenly the Nazgul looked at Strifer who appeared out of nowhere with his sword in his right hand and a torch in the left hand. The fat man fought the hooded figures as he set a Nazgul on fire causing him to screech in pain. The one Nazgul on fire than catch another one of his own kind on fire as two out of five Nazgul's were in pain. Those two Nazgul's on fire than fell off a cliff as they screeched in pain.

The third Nazgul behind Strifer tried to stab him, but even for a fat man, he was quick as he easily blocked the Nazgul attack with his sword in his right hand. Strifer had the advantage as the Nazgul he fought stepped back towards the edge of the summit. The fourth Nazgul that stabbed Frodo with his sword pulled out a chained mace from his robe. He tried to use the chain mace to stop Strifer from pushing off another Nazgul off the summit, but the mace that hit Strifer right in the stomach did not met with perfect results. Even with spikes, the chained mace bounced back of Strifer's strong fat flab causing the chained mace to hit directly to the fourth Nazgul.

Strifer then pushed the third Nazgul off the summit with his sword as the fourth was knocked unconscious with his own chained mace to the ground. The fifth Nazgul walked towards him with his sword but Strifer held his torch and let out a loud burp from all the beer he drank. The mix of his strong belch and the torch caused a small flamethrower that burned the fifth Nazgul causing it to screech in pain as it ran off the summit.

"Strider!" Milhouse/Sam screamed as three of the hobbits surrounded Frodo. "Frodo is wounded!"

Strider ran to the group of Hobbits as he was tired from the fight. He saw Frodo's wound as he held the sword that caused it.

"Dang it! Not even I can fix this! This wound is created by Morgul Blade" Homer/Strider said as the sword that the Nazgul used which he held in his hand dissolved into dust. "Only elves can fix this kind of thing. We must take him to Elrond before it's too late... Man, I hate that guy so much... For now, we must spare him from the pain."

Strider grabbed a bucket out of nowhere and smacked Frodo right in the head.

"What are you doing?" Nelson/Pip said.

"Making him unconscious so he won't cry, moan, or yell about his wound. Duh!" Homer/Strider said as he hit Frodo with a fire extinguisher.

"Where did you got that fire extinguisher or that bucket? This is Middle-Earth not real Earth." Martin/Pip asked.

"How would I know?" Homer/Strider said as he hit Frodo with a hockey stick. "Life's a mystery, don't you think?"

* * *

Later in Isengard, Gandalf was sitting on top of the tower of Orthanc as he saw the forest around the tower turns into a huge wasteland where the tunnels, caves, and huge holes in the wastelands are filled with Orcs mining, crafting weapons and armor, and burn trees into furnaces. Gandalf was weak and frail as he was sitting on top of the tower until a moth came. It was a blue fury moth that landed into his hand. The old wizard whispered words into the moth and then it set off into the air.

"That moth better be worth it... Where's my coins... you damn moth! Come back here!" Abe/Gandalf said as the moth stole his coins.

Meanwhile beneath the wastelands of Isengard. Saruman the White was walking through the tunnels as he saw Orcs working for him. He then stopped for a minute along with the Orcs as they were in a bigger part of the cave to see a new creature join their army. Saruman and the Orcs saw the birth of the Uruk-Hai as it steps out of its birthing membrane and onto land.

"Excellent. You will be the first to lead a swarm of Uruk-Hai, Lurtz." Mr. Burns/Saruman said with a grin.

"When do we eat?" Snake/Lurtz said.

"12:00. Also, we have a Club of Sauron if you want to join. It's a 5$ fee but you get T-Shirts, a digital clock, and you have the access to the swimming pool we have at west of Isengard. Everyone's joining." Mr. Burns/Saruman said with a grin.

"Does it including free passes to the movie theater for lifetime?" Snake/Lurtz said.

"Yes indeed."

"Count me in."

* * *

The three hobbits who carried Frodo and Strifer were running in the woods until they stopped thinking they lost the Nazgul. The parts of the woods they were in were filled with statues of many kind as the three hobbits put Frodo down on the ground.

"I'm going to get some herbs and... dang it. He woke up." Homer/Strifer said as Frodo woke up from his unconscious stage.

"Is he going to die?" Nelson/Pip asked.

"No, but he will turn into a ring wraith if we don't hurry, a small one that is... A hobbit ringwraith? I wonder what that would look like? Probably have an angry donkey for a horse... a hobbit ringwraith on a jackass that is..." Homer/Strifer laughed.

"Just get the herbs now!" Martin/Merry yelled as Strifer went out to look for herbs.

"Is that you mommy?" Bart/Frodo said as he was started to grow weaker.

The fat bald man stopped walking in the woods as he stared at herbs on the ground. He reached for some until he heard a voice.

"A ranger who caught off his guard?" A lady said to the fat man as she held a sword towards him.

"I'm never caught off my guard." Homer/Strifer said as he drank a bottle of beer called, Duffete.

* * *

The three hobbits were waiting for Strifer as they saw a sick Frodo on the ground. As they waited they saw not only Strifer but another person who is female walking into the area with a white horse.

"I've been looking for you all day. I'm Arwen and I'm here to help you." Marge/Arwen said who had the face of Marge Simpson but not only she wore purple riding clothes that was slightly covered in mud but also had her hair undone. It was still blue but instead of up, it is down.

"Your an elf." Martin/Merry said as he saw the lady.

"I thought elves were smaller and work at a store in the north." Nelson/Pip said.

"Those are Santa's elves. Why do people always think were short?" Marge/Arwen wondered. "Anyway, we have to take him to my father. He'll fix it and I'll take him there."

"But there are five Nazgul out there." Milhouse/Sam said.

"Actually there are four more. I fought one of them for a little and had tea with that one wraith. They said that I should join this club of Sauron thing. They also mentioned that they had a swimming pool or something." Marge/Arwen said to herself.

"Hey... I'm sick here..." Bart/Frodo said as they didn't hear him.

"Do they have a lifetime pass to all movie theaters?" Nelson/Pip said.

"Guys... I'm sick here?... Hello..." Bart/Frodo said again but they still didn't hear him.

"Yeah. They did mentioned that too."

"GUYS!" Bart/Frodo yelled at the whole group in pain.

"Oh yeah. Sorry there. I almost forget about your whole life and death situation." Marge/Arwen said.

"Actually it's more of a life and transforming-into-a-Nazgul-thing situation." Milhouse/Sam corrected her.

"Can we just go... This blade inside of me hurts so badly..." Bart/Frodo said.

"Fine. Fine." Marge/Arwen said as Strifer carried the young hobbit on to the white horse.

* * *

Arwen and a weakened Frodo were riding on the white horse as morning began to rise. As the horse galloped in the forest, two of the Nazgul on horses appeared out of nowhere. The elf and the hobbit that were on the white horse galloped out of the forest as three more Nazgul's on horses appeared from the forest and onto the field. Soon four more Nazgul's from the fields gathered to the rest of the Nazgul's appearing as nine of the ring wraiths.

"_Hey Arwen. Remember me? The one who had tea with you?"_ One of the Nazgul spoke as he was riding with the others. "_Have you thought about joining the club?"_

"Nope. It's evil and the club is mostly in Mordor. Plus, I heard there's less woman rights in that place." Marge/Arwen asked in confusion.

"_Oh... okay than... I should just get back to my job... I'm not even being paid for this..._"The Nazgul spoke in disappointment.

As morning rose more, the field that they all rode in was now a forest again. The nine Nazgul's tried to surround the elf and the hobbit on the horse, but she and the hobbit escaped by jumping over a log that lead to another passage. The Nazgul chased her and the hobbit as they also ordered their horses to jump over the log. As the Nazgul chased the lady, they stopped at a river as if they were afraid of it for a second. They however saw the elf and the sick hobbit on the horse stopped in the middle of the lake facing towards all nine Nazguls.

"_Give us the hobbit, she-elf..."_ A Nazgul spoke.

"Than why don't you come over here and get him?" Marge/Arwen spoke.

The nine Nazgul's ordered their horses to galloped to the elf and the hobbit on the horse but suddenly one of the Nazgul is complaining again.

"_This whole slow-motion effect and loud music is happening again._ The Nazgul asked as all nine stopped in the middle of the river.

"_I told you the music is by Howard Shore! He's right there now!"_ The Nazgul said as he pointed at Howard Shore as a music conductor who guided an musical ensemble with people of different instruments in the middle, most of them are Orchestra, of the river that created that music which is considered strange to the Nazgul.

"_Plus, weren't we just afraid of this river? In fact why are we even afraid of this river?"_." Another Nazgul said as the Nazgul heard loud splashing noises.

Suddenly all of the Nazgul's got hit by a huge flood caused by the elf's words. Not only did the Nazgul got hit by the flood, but Howard Shore and his music ensemble got hit by the flood as their musical instruments got destroyed. Suddenly that flood later went towards an innocent joyful town as Arwen watched the whole thing.

She just whistled and moved her eyes back and forth along with the horse as she was still sitting on the animal with a weak Frodo. The horse stepped back from the destroyed town.

* * *

Frodo woke up in his bed as he found himself in a room in bright colors. He saw the outsides of the room through windows without glass revealing a city filled with light, hope, and a beauty that looked even more wonderful than the Shire. He got up from his bed he saw a familiar tall old man in grey holding his staff.

"Gandalf?" Bart/Frodo said with a smile.

"Bobo!" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Why weren't you at the pub?" Bart/Frodo asked.

"I was late because of my old friend... or an enemy now." Abe/Gandalf spoke in slight anger. "What happened was that..."

* * *

Saruman the White was gloating on top of the tower as Gandalf the Grey was almost at his doom as he was weak on the floor. His nose was bleeding as Saruman used his staff to push Gandalf to the edge of the 500 ft. tower.

"Why do you resist when you can obtain such power!" Mr. Burns/Saruman said.

"There is only one Lord of The Rings and he does not share power!" Abe/Gandalf yelled.

Saruman pushed Gandalf off the edge of the tower causing him to fall. Suddenly out of nowhere a giant eagle and pulled Gandalf away from his doom.

"So long suckers!" Abe/Gandalf yelled at Saruman.

Suddenly he slipped of the eagle and yelled out, "Help me suckers!" but the eagle catch him again and sighed as he heard what Abe said.

"So long suckers!... For real this time!" Abe/Gandalf yelled.

* * *

"And that's what happened." Abe/Gandalf said.

"I have one question. How did you got your staff back?" Bart/Frodo asked.

"Well that's a good... uh... Hmm... Read the book! It'll tell you... I think..." Abe/Gandalf said in confusion of how he got his staff back.

An elf stepped into the room but he was male and older than the previous elf that Frodo saw.

"Hello there." The elf said.

"I'm Frodo. Who the hell are you?" Bart/Frodo asked.

"I'm Elrond and this is Rivendell." Clancy Bouvier/Elrond spoke as Rivendell was a place where rivers were flowing, buildings were on cliffs, on the ground, or on the hills, and the huge and small waterfalls flowing water down into the rivers. It was a beautiful sight indeed. "Anyway, your friends and Bilbo Baggins are here in Rivendell. There right outside."

Three minutes later, Frodo was stepped out of his room and into the world of Rivendell. He saw his friends and a familiar man to his eyes, Bilbo Baggins.

"Bilbo! Sam! Pip! and Merry... Heh Heh... Merry, that's a girl's name." Bart/Frodo laughed as the others agree.

A little later at the porch of Frodo's room where Frodo and Bilbo sat at a bench as Frodo read his newest book.

"Wow, Star Trek. That's a nice title for a book." Bart/Frodo said.

"Originally I was going to call it Star Wars, but I found out that Lucas sued a lot of people for it. He even sues people today only if he wants to or not. Kind of like a gamble if you think of it." Herb/Bilbo Baggins spoke.

As Frodo turned to another page, he saw a picture of the Shire.

"Home." Bart/Frodo said.

"Yes indeed. Do you miss it?"

"Yes. I spend my childhood there pretended to be on one of your adventures. Instead, it turned out to be different... I keep on being offered drugs for some reason."

"That always happens to travelers. Come on, I'll show you the rest of Rivendell."

The two got off from the bench as Bilbo showed Frodo the rest of Rivendell as Gandalf and Elrond watched them through a window above the porch from another room.

"So why are we stalking them again?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Just watching their conversation for information. Anyway, that young lad has a strong heart but a clumsy brain and yet he has a wound that will always stay there." Clancy Bouvier/Elrond spoke. "Still, that ring cannot stay here as it could lead the destruction of Rivendell."

"It's a burden he should have never received. We cannot just leave him. He stills has my movie tickets." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Gandalf. Sauron's eye is fixed. Well, sort of since there's no eye medication but still, he has a strong army and our allies are growing thin. This evil cannot be concealed by anyone and this conflict does not just belong to Rivendell but all of Middle-Earth. The Dwarves, Men, and Elves must decide what we should do with this one ring."

"What about the men?"

"Men are the reason why the ring survived from its fate. I was there in that one war and saw Isildur try to throw the ring into Mt. Doom, but the ring already corrupted him. They are so corrupted that they can't even stop looking at a woman's body." Clancy Bouvier/Elrond spoke as he started to walk away to the left of the room.

"You look at different woman's all the time!" Abe/Gandalf yelled.

"This is about men. Not an elf." Elrond spoke as he stopped walking. "I've been in many wars. War between Worlds where I fought Mordor, World War II where I fought Germans, War of the Worlds where I fought aliens, and World of WarCraft where I fought the horde on the computer. A new war is coming and the council will decide what to do with the ring.

* * *

The Council of Elrond sat in chairs as they were made up of different people or race as they were at the Council Chamber.

"Gandalf, the hobbit, the ranger, my daughter Arwen, and all of you other people like the Elves, the Dwarves, the Men, the Jedi's, the Nerds, The Conquistadors, and the three Stooges are all here to discuss about the matter of this one ring that could lead to the destruction of... Hey! Hey! Wake up!" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond yelled at the whole council who were sleeping of boredom.

"Oh... Sorry, we were just sleeping because you talk too much about a ring. Can you keep it short and simple?" Bart/Frodo said as the others were awake.

"Worst Council Ever." Comic Book Guy of the Nerds said.

"I say we send this ring back to Luke Skywalker." Yoda said of the Jedi's.

"Yoda. We all have to agree that... You! What the heck are you doing? It's not time yet!" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond yelled again as a man was handing out papers of a vote-the-cutest-animal contest.

"I would like to pick this lamb." Abe/Gandalf said.

"What about this pony? Seems cute?" Lenny/Legolas of the Elves spoke as he had the face of Lenny but his hair was still brown but a little longer and had pointy ears.

"Ponies? What about this monkey over here, stupid elf." Carl/Gimli of the Dwarves said as he had the face of Carl but was short but taller than a hobbit who wore armor and had a short beard.

"Why am I here again?" Gary Coleman of the dwarves spoke.

"Can we just settle down people! Who put that baby there?" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond spoke in anger as a baby cried.

"You awful man. You just made this adorable baby sad! That's something we all agree with!" Homer/Strifer said as Maggie Simpson was crying on the floor.

"Oh that's something we do agree." A member of the council said as the whole council agreed but Elrond.

"Yep. Even I agree to this." Comic Book Guy of the Nerds said.

"This is a council to discuss about the ring! Not about this baby! Now Frodo. Give us that damn ring!" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond yelled.

Frodo searched all his pockets but there was no ring even though he kept on searching again and again.

"You don't have the ring do you?" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond sighed with stress.

"I have the ring." Homer/Strifer said.

"Than why don't you put it at that table?" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond gritted his teeth.

"There's just one little problem..." Homer/Strifer chuckled but not in a happy way.

"What now..." Clancy Bouvier/Elrond sighed again in stress.

"Yeah... I was... how do I put this..." Homer/Strifer said. "Snuggling with your daughter..."

"YOU WHAT?" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond as he fell to the ground with a heart attack.

"This is the third time he told him this." Marge/Arwen sighed as Elrond managed to get up from his third heart attack.

"Yeah... anyway... you know that they don't have condoms here in Middle Earth?" Homer/Strifer spoke.

"You didn't..." Clancy Bouvier/Elrond said in more furious anger.

"Yeah, I used the ring as a condom... Technically it tried to corrupted me at first, but when that whole Sauron guy found out where the ring was... he stopped using his whole corruption trick on me... Here it is right now!" Homer/Strifer unzipped his pants showing his doodle stuck to the ring as everyone turned their heads away in disgust.

"Still, it is a gift." Barney/Boromir spoke as he drank a can of beer.

"Yep. It's a gift all right." Homer/Strifer said.

"Not that idiot! I meant the ring! A ring with that power should belong to us where we can use it against Mordor's forces and..." Barney/Boromir spoke until Strifer interrupted him.

"Sorry, but the ring must stay here. Dang, this really is staying here. It's stuck." Homer/Strifer said as he tried take it off.

"Whatever ranger. Why should I listen to you... BURP!" Barney/Boromir said.

"Don't you know? He's the heir of Gondor. Aragorn I believe his name was." Lenny/Legolas said as everyone finally stopped turning their heads away and stared at Strifer or Aragorn.

"I don't wish to be that heir. Anyway, can someone help me take this off. It's so hard to wiggle it out." Homer/Aragorn spoke as people were in disgust again.

"I'll take it out with my axe, just to stop your disgusting thing here." Carl/Gimli said.

"AHH!" Homer/Aragorn screamed as he thought he was about to lose his doodle.

Instead Gimil's axe was destroyed as it hit the ring on his doodle.

"Man. That must be one heck of a man." Bart/Frodo said as Aragorn still was a man.

"Everyone of our weapons we hold in our hands cannot destroy that ring. It must be thrown into the fiery pits of Mt. Doom where it was forged. Who will be the one to carry this ring to Mt. Doom and throw it into the fiery chasms of where it came?" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond said.

"Mt. Doom?" A Drunken Barney/Boromir yelled. "That place is in Mordor where armies of Orcs live there. The walls there are huge. In fact, there aren't only Orcs there too! There are Trolls, Fell Beasts, Nazgul's, and the ugly evil molded big nose giant who has bad breath, also known as Barbra Streisand is there too!"

"We have no choice Boromir. That ring with such power can corrupt someone's very heart. It must be destroyed. And sheesh, brush your teeth once for a while." Lenny/Legolas said to Boromir.

"An elf! I would want to die before I see this ring destroyed by an elf! Especially one who talks this threat to some drunken fool!" Carl/Gimli yelled.

"Drunken! Of that's it! Your going down bub!" Barney/Boromir yelled as he tackled the Dwarf.

Suddenly everyone got up from their chairs and had a huge argument of what they should do with the ring. Frodo watched as they talked and argued of whether the ring should be thrown into Mt. Doom or be used against Mordor's forces and that Maggie Simpson was crying again on the floor.

"I will take the one ring!" Bart/Frodo said as the council kept on arguing. "I said I will take the one ring!"

Suddenly the council stopped arguing over the ring as they saw the young hobbit.

"I will take the ring and throw it into Mordor. But the problem is that I don't know the way... or what kind of dangers are there... and that if I'll ever survived to see that new concert in The Shire... or ever to..."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll help you Frodo." Abe/Gandalf said.

"I will too." Homer/Aragorn spoke as his pants were still unzipped due to the ring was still stuck to his doodle.

"I will join too!" Lenny/Legolas spoke as he carried his bow and arrow.

"Fine. I'll join as well... 'BURP!'" Barney/ Boromir spoke as he carried his sword.

"Than I'll join to show what Dwarves can do... stupid Elf." Carl/Gimli said as he carried his axe. "Where did I got this new axe?"

"I'll join too!" Milhouse/Sam said as he appeared from a stone hallway.

"You kids spying on our council. You can't get away from your friend can you?" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond said.

"Will join as well!" Nelson/Pip and Martin/Merry spoke at the same time as they appeared out of bushes.

"I see." Yoda of the Jedi spoke. "A wizard, four hobbits, two men, a dwarf, and an elf working together as one. You will be called the Fellowship of The Ring."

"Yoda. That's my line." Clancy Bouvier/ Elrond spoke.

"Hey! The ring came out!" Homer/Aragorn said with a smile. "Oh no. You might want to turn your hands around."

"What? You're going to pee or something?" Carl/Gimli said.

"Nope. Even worst." Homer/Aragorn said.

Suddenly everyone ran away from Aragorn instead of turning their heads around.

* * *

Frodo and Bilbo Baggins were at another room as Frodo was being prepared for his dangerous trip to Mordor.

"Anyway. Here, this is a type of chainmail you should have. It's light but very hard as it is made of dragon scales and for a weapon, this sword. It goes blue whenever Orcs appear." Herb/Bilbo said with a smile. "Try this chainmail on."

"With you here?" Bart/Frodo said.

"Yeah? Why not?" Herb/Bilbo said.

"But you're a dude. And that chainmail is supposed to be worn beneath my shirt." Bart/Frodo spoke.

"It's just the shirt. It would be really weird if it was the pants than I would have to leave."

"Fine." Bart/Frodo started to unbutton the shirt until Bilbo saw something familiar to his eyes. He saw a necklace under that shirt with a certain ring attached to it.

"My... My ring... Can I.. I hold it for one more time?" Herb/Bilbo spoke.

Frodo just held the ring away from him until Bilbo's face roared at him as it changed into Britney Spears face but bald and more ugly which scared Frodo slightly until Bilbo's face changed back from the ugly bald Britney Spears back to his normal face as he stepped back in fear.

"You must take this burden and never get it near me ever again. I'm sorry, Frodo. I'm sorry for everything that has been brought upon you." Herb/Bilbo cried.

"Not everything was brought upon me that's bad... unless that drug dealer... but still there were good things... I met my friends and was saved..." Bart/Frodo spoke as he put his hand on Bilbo's shoulder.

Bilbo looked backed at him as he was shaking.

* * *

Aragorn who was once known as Strifer was at a graveyard praying to some of his ancestors with beer and honey. As he did pray, a familiar voice came.

"Why do you not want to become the heir to the throne and take the Isildur sword that can only be wielded by you, Aragorn?" Marge/Arwen said.

"Because I don't want to make the mistake like my previous ancestor and I do make a lot of mistakes. Like this one time I had my foot stuck to a bucket and later that bucket attracted bees because it was filled with strong sticky honey." Homer/Aragorn said.

Later in the bushes where the graveyard is.

"Are you sure we should be spying at them?" Abe/Gandalf said as he was with Elrond.

"Just to make sure that he won't be defiling my daughter again!" Clancy Bouvier/Elrond said angrily. "What are they doing?"

"There just kissing. What's so bad about that. Oh no you don't!" Abe/Gandalf said as he grabbed Elrond by the wrist and tried to restrain him from ruining the couple's moment.

"Huh? Who goes there!" Homer/Aragorn said pulling out his sword. "Don't make me call the guards! Just come out now!"

Suddenly not only Gandalf and Elrond ran away from the graveyard from the bushes, but a bunch of other people and perverts ran away from other bushes too as the couple watched.

"Lady, or you really that pretty?" Homer/Aragorn asked Arwen.

"I'm not that pretty, even though there all guys... and that there were all staring at me only... and drooling... and my hair undone this time... and..."

"What did you meant 'This time'." Homer/Aragorn said as Arwen waved her eyes back and forth.

"Yeah... I better go... Good luck on your quest!" Marge/Arwen ran quickly away from the graveyard as if she was in a hurry or rushing her way out.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

The Fellowship of The Ring made up of four hobbits, two men, a wizard, a dwarf, and a elf, set their journey off with a horse as they left Rivendell and passed green hills to rest as the hobbits are taught to fight with swords, the mountains made of rocks to hide from Saruman's spies or crows, Niagara Falls to take pictures of the huge waterfalls, and then they now traveled at a mountain of blizzard called Caradhras.

The Fellowship of The Ring and the horse who were on the Caradhras had a hard time getting through as the blizzard hit harder and harder like an bulldozer destroying a building.

"I think I can hear someone!" Lenny/Legolas yelled in the harsh snowstorm.

"It's Saruman!" Abe/Gandalf yelled back.

"You know who it is just by sensing him!" Carl/Gimli said.

"No. He's right over there." Abe/Gandalf spotted Saruman on another mountain.

"I think we should go to the mines of Moria! It's probably more safer than this mountain!" Carl/Gimli yelled.

"Yes! This is too dangerous! Plus, my Duffete beer just got frozen again!" Barney/Boromir spoke.'

"NO! Not unless we need to!" Abe/Gandalf yelled.

Suddenly a lightning from the sky appeared out of nowhere as it took down large packs of snow and rocks on the top of the mountain and sent it sliding down towards the Fellowship and the horse, yet the Fellowship and the horse manage to survive as they are enveloped in snow.

"We must go to Moria! We have no choice!" Homer/Aragorn yelled as Gandalf hesitated for a moment. "Why are you hesitating? Is there something you're not telling us?"

"Yes. I just lost some weight... a lot of weight... and it smells..." Abe/Gandalf said as the rest of the members of the Fellowship were in disgust. "Anyway, let the ring bearer decide."

"Let's go to Moria." Bart/Frodo said it without hesitation easily.

"So what? You just said that without thinking about your friends and other people's lives at stake?" Abe/Gandalf spoke.

"There's something about those mines you're not telling us still?" Milhouse/Sam said.

"What is it old man?" Nelson/Pip asked.

"Nothing! Nothing! Let's just go!" Abe/Gandalf said in worry.

* * *

It was nighttime and the Fellowship and the horse were at a river as Gandalf was trying to open the stone door of the Mines of Moria.

"It seems the door can't open no matter what I say and that horse shouldn't even be here." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Fine. Well... bye Bill." Martin/Merry said as he released the horse, but as he did the horse kicked Merry right in the face and ran off.

"Ay Carumba..." Bart/Frodo sighed in disappointment.

Suddenly the stone doors opened due to Frodo's words, "Ay Carumba".

"Dang it!" Abe/Gandalf said in disappointment as the Fellowship entered the cave.

As they entered it, Legolas said, "This isn't a mine. This is a tomb and Dwarves, Goblins and Orcs were once here." as they saw Dwarf, Goblin, and Orc Skeletons everywhere.

"WHAT!" Carl/Gimli said as he saw his own kind as lifeless skeletons. "No, no, no... Those goblins and Orcs will pay for what they done when I smack them right in the face with my huge axe!"

"Are dwarves always like this?" Barney/Boromir whispered to Legolas as Gimli was angry.

"No offense, but I think it's because he's black." Lenny/Legolas whispered back.

"I thought it was because he's short. Maybe it's both..." Homer/Aragorn whispered as he drank a whole bottle of beer if he did not care where he was.

Later, the Fellowship went deeper into the tunnels as they stopped because of three passages.

"Where do we go now Mr. Gandalf?" Martin/Merry said.

"I can't remember. I've been here before, but I just can't remember." Abe/Gandalf said as he sat down on the rocks.

"Uh... Gandalf." Bart/Frodo spoke to the old man as he spotted something crawling on another part of the mines.

"What is it Frodo?" Abe/Gandalf said staring at the three passages as The Fellowship took a break.

"I thought I saw something over there." Bart/Frodo said.

"Heh... That's Gollum." Abe/Gandalf answered.

"Gollum?"

"Yes. He escaped the dungeon of Barad-Dur... or set loose. He used to be a normal person until he found a certain ring. Now he hates and loves the ring just like he hates and loves himself." Abe/Gandalf spoke in a wise voice. "Sméagol's life is very sad... that's what he used to be called until he was drove to a point where he forgot everything about himself because of that one ring. Anyway we must... Hmm... I know the way now!"

"Hey Guys! He remembers!" Nelson/Pip said.

"No. But that one passage over there smells so foul because that crap I laid there is still there and believe me, that's one hell of crap I laid there." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Seriously... I don't know what's worse. Talking about crap all day or Aragorn using a ring as a condom." Lenny/Legolas said as he felt disgusted than anyone else in the Fellowship.

* * *

The Fellowship enters a cave of vast empty space where there are huge columns that support the large ceiling of the vast cave that was almost like a field.

"Behold! This is the realm and Dwarf city of Darrowdelf! A great and rare sight right?" Abe/Gandalf said as the whole Fellowship was surprised of the whole abandoned cave.

"That and I stepped on something disgusting..." Homer/Aragorn said.

"That would be the crap."

As the Fellowship continued to travel in the vast cave, Gimli spotted a room with wooden doors and ran over there as Gandalf said, "Gimli! Come back over here!". Gimli just kept on running, so the rest of the Fellowship followed.

The Fellowship continued to follow as they entered a room that had skeletons in it, a well, stairs, and beams as well but they also saw the Dwarf fell to his knees to a tomb with a white stone slab on it. Gandalf read the carved words on the white stone slab and said, "Here lies Balin. Some guy that I don't know... Oh and blah blah, Son of Fudin."

"I'm sorry Gimli for his death." Abe/Gandalf said until he spotted a book in the arms of a Dwarves skeleton.

He picked it up and took the dust off of it with his hands. He then read it and said, "They have taken the Bridge and the second hall, we have barred the gates...but cannot hold them for long...the ground shakes...drums in the deep...we cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. Will no one save us? They are coming."

Suddenly a noise was heard and the Fellowship turned around to see Pip accidently stumbling upon a well causing an armored skeleton with chains on it to fall into the well as Pip than stepped away from it. Everyone was stunned into silence as the chains were still falling into the well. It soon stopped as there were still no noises.

"You fool! You should have fallen into that well! Now come on and..." Abe/Gandalf said until he heard drums, roars, explosion, and other noises. "Well... I might as well throw Pip in to the well too."

"We don't need to throw anyone! I'll check what's happening!" Barney/Boromir said as he went towards the doors.

As the fat man got near the wooden doors he saw something that disturbed him. Suddenly two arrows almost hit him, but instead it went through the wooden doors. He quickly closed it and backed away as the Fellowship prepared for battle.

"We have some Orcs and a huge monster coming through." Barney/Boromir said as he pulled out his sword.

"Let that come! I'll teach them with my axe!" Carl/Gimli said as he gripped his axe tightly.

"Do all short people have this kind of issue?" Homer/Aragorn whispered as he got out his crossbow and drank another bottle of beer.

"I think they do..." Lenny/Legolas whispered back as he held his crossbow as well.

Suddenly the doors burst opened as the Orcs came but as they did, Legolas and Aragorn made first kill with their bows and arrows. Two were killed easily as the arrows went through there chest and head.

"They sure are easy to kill." Homer/Aragorn shot another with his arrow.

The rest of the Fellowship now fought with their swords as the Orcs went close combat.

"I think I'm getting the hang of this." Nelson/Pip said as he did not use his swords but instead gave wedgies and bullied the Orcs with his arms.

"Easy to kill? Wait a minute..." Lenny/Legolas said as he killed another Orc right through the leg easily. "What the heck? That one just got killed through the leg. They really are easy to kill!"

"Uh... What about that one..." Milhouse/Sam said as he stared at a huge unstable monster that rampaged its way into the room killing dozens of Orcs and Goblins.

"Boromir was right! They really do have monsters called Barbara Streisand! And that nose huger than Lois Griffin's nose from Family Guy! You can put two fists in one nostril!" Homer saw the ugly but huge woman named Barbara Streisand as he drank a seventh bottle of beer.

The woman was known to have an ugly face due to her huge nose and is gigantic as a Cave Troll. As she stepped into the room she was chained by two Orcs to the neck, carried a large stone hammer, and wore a purple coat, and brown trousers. Unlike the real Streisand, this one roars like an animal and doesn't talk.

"What do we do now Gandalf?" Nelson/Pip said as most of the Orcs were killed by the fellowship and the unstable Barbara Streisand.

"We fight!" Abe/Gandalf spoke as he held his sword.

The Unstable Barbara Streisand tossed Gimli as he tried to cut her shin. The Unstable Barbara Streisand was than felt pain on her back as two arrows were sticking out. She turned around and saw Legolas aiming another arrow. The monster slammed Legolas with her huge chains which than slammed towards Aragorn to the ground as he dropped his 13th bottle of beer. It later got near Sam and tried to stomp on him until Aragorn and Boromir choked the monster by pulling the giant chain that was chained to her neck but she threw Boromir to the wall and kicked Aragorn to the tomb as he said, "Doh!.

As Boromir the drunk was on the floor near the wall, an Orc pulled out his sword to slay the man. Suddenly the Orc fell down dead as there was a knife on his head thrown by Aragorn who drank his 19th bottle of beer. The unstable Barbara Streisand than tried to crush the Dwarf multiple times who got up from the floor with her hammer but he managed to dodge the attack causing the hammer to hit Orcs instead.

Legolas got up from the ground and aimed his arrow at Barbara Streisand. She felt the pain of arrows again on her back so she turned around and tried to slam Legolas with her huge arms but he dodged easily as the Unstable Barbara Streisand almost hammered the hobbits altogether, but they jumped at two directions causing them to separate into two as all of the Orcs were killed. The huge monster than shoved away Sam causing him flying towards a wall. She than stared at Frodo.

"Eep..." Bart/Frodo said as he tried to ran away.

The Unstable Barbara Streisand grabbed a spear from a dead Orc's hand and stabbed the small hobbit through the chest causing him to feel another stab again as the Fellowship watched.

"Frodo!" All three hobbits said.

Two of the hobbits, Merry and Pip, leaped off of the ledges of the room and onto the Unstable Barbara Streisand back as they stabbed her with their swords right into the spine. Legolas tried to shoot the monster with his arrows but it still didn't take her down as Gimli threw his second axe on her shoulder.

"Hey, Gandalf." Barney/Boromir said. "Can't you just use your magic to take that thing down instead of your sword?"

"Really? I can use it? Then why the heck I'm using this junk here?" Abe/Gandalf said as he put away his sword and held his staff. "Take this you! And go to a surgeon for pity sake! Your nose is just freakishly huge!"

Gandalf aimed his staff towards the monster and shocked her with lightning as the Unstable Barbara Streisand fell down to her knees dead.

"Were going to see more of these monstrous celebrities." Barney/Boromir said.

"There are others?" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Yeah. One time I saw an Unstable Stallone took down a whole castle with boxing gloves." Barney/Boromir said.

"Hey guys! Frodo is hurt over here!" Milhouse/Sam yelled as the rest of the fellowship came.

Aragorn unbuttoned Frodo's shirt to see how bad the injuries were but instead, he saw a golden chainmail.

"Oh thank god. He's alive!" Martin/Merry said.

"Your full of surprises young lad." Carl/Gimli said.

"That and I need to go to the bathroom..." Bart/Frodo said.

"You will go there when there is time! Now hurry! We must leave this evil place before it comes." Abe/Gandalf said.

* * *

As the Fellowship was running from thousands and thousands of Orcs in the vast room of the mines, Aragorn spotted a something.

"Hey guys! I see a hole and no Orc isn't getting near that hole? I wonder why..." Homer/Aragorn said.

"Just hurry and get in!" Abe/Gandalf said as the Fellowship entered the hole.

The Fellowship that entered that one small hole were now in a huge red place as they saw a stone bridge.

"Aragorn. If I die, you lead the Fellowship to its destination." Abe/Gandalf said.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. I'll babysit these kids since you want me too." Homer/Aragorn sighed as the fellowship stepped towards a stone bridge.. "Hey guys. Why aren't Orcs here anyway?"

"What about that..." Milhouse/Sam shook in fear as a massive monster of searing flame and sinister shadow appeared as he was far away.

"Balrog... A Massive Demon of another world and its strength is beyond of any of ours and even Chuck Norris...

"Wait? Stronger than Chuck Norris? Your joking right?" Homer/Aragorn said.

"Just Run! Quickly!" Abe/Gandalf said.

"Were already here! Man, old people are slow." Lenny/Legolas said as the fellowship were already near the exit on stairs, except for Gandalf who's still on the bridge as he stopped talking.

"Your just going to leave an old man here to die?" Abe/Gandalf yelled.

"Pretty much." Pip/Nelson said as the rest of the Fellowship agreed.

"Just hurry up! You can still make it man!" Bart/Frodo yelled.

Gandalf turned around and saw Balrog roaring at him as he was already at the bridge.

"You creature of the shadow! Go back to the tire fire where you came from!" Abe/Gandalf yelled as he held his staff.

Balrog just roared at him as he created a whip of fire.

"Oh yeah! If you're going to be like that, than I have no choice! You shall not PASS!... Aragorn what the heck are you doing here?" Abe/Gandalf hit the stone bridge hard with his staff as he saw an Aragorn that looked to sick as he dranked his 37th beer.

"I don't feel so good... I... BUUUUURRRRRR..." Homer/Aragorn let out a loud belch to the monster taking out his flames one by one.

As Aragorn continued to belch at the monster, Legolas looked at the time of his wooden clock to see how long they've been here.

"That's one long burp..." Carl/Gimli said as Aragorn continue to burped.

Seven minutes later, Aragorn stopped belching like an animal as the Balrog had no more flames causing it to fall off the bridge like a crumbling statue. Gandalf took a peek off the edge to see the fallen Balrog.

"Well. At least everyone is alive." Homer/Aragorn patted Gandalf's shoulder, which surprised the old man causing him to fall off bridge. "Woops..."

"You just killed Gandalf!" Bart/Frodo said as Aragorn faced towards them from the bridge.

"I'm still here you stupid younglings!" Abe/Gandalf hanging from the bridge with his bare hands.

"Where?" Homer/Aragorn turned around as his feet stepped on Gandalf's hands causing him to fall to his doom.

"Gandalf!" Bart/Frodo screamed.

"Hey kid. I don't see a Gandalf anywhere." Homer/Aragorn said from the bridge.

"Will we just go now!" Barney/Boromir yelled as the Fellowship left the mines of Moria as he grabbed the Hobbits and carried them away from the mines.

* * *

The Fellowship were now at a grassy mountainside that was partially covered in snow. The hobbits cried as they saw Gandalf's death... well, just Sam and Martin who's played by Milhouse and Martin...

"We must hurry. Legolas, you! Get the hobbits now." Homer/Aragorn yelled.

"Hey! Can't you just give them a moment for pity sake. They just lost a friend... who makes death threats... and accidently destroys people's furniture... and... well he's still there friend for pity sake!"

"These rocks will be covered by Orcs in nightfall. We must hurry to the woods of Lothlorien. Now get up people." Homer/Aragorn said drinking another beer of Duffete.

The Fellowship marches on to their next destination...

* * *

**Chapter 4**

The Fellowship slowly and silently walk in the woods of Lothlorien.

"Stick to me Hobbits. There's a legend said that there's a witch elf in these woods." Carl/Gimli said. "He won't get me because I'm strong and I'm holding an axe! They won't catch me under her spell. Oh dang it!"

"Well, I have the eyes of an Eagle. Beat that." Homer/Aragorn said.

The Fellowship were suddenly surrounded by elves with cross and bows.

"So much for eyes of an eagle." Bart/Frodo said.

"Why you little!" Homer/Aragorn said in anger as he choked Frodo in front of the Fellowship and the Elves that might kill them if they wanted to.

"Our King and Queen has been expecting you... and you! Stop choking that hobbit, fat drunken bald man. The one hobbit who carries evil within." The leader of the group of elves spoke.

"Hey bub. I've been carrying evil after I had this ring and before I had this ring. Heard it all the time." Bart/Frodo sighed as if this wasn't the first time he heard this, even without the ring.

* * *

"Where are we?" Milhouse/Sam asked.

"We are going to Celeborn's Chamber within Lothlorien, isn't that right you snotty dwarf." The Elf Guard answered as they were in a city of large trees, wooden stairs, and shining rivers and tiny waterfalls.

as it was nighttime and the Fellowship climbed the stairs of the chamber along with the rest of the elves.

"Snotty Dwarf? Is that all you got you big brain mother "BLEEP!'. Just like your mother is ugly as you!" The Dwarf cursed and laugh.

"WHY YOU!" The Elf guard angrily yelled.

"I have to admit but he got us there." The Elf admitted. "Anyway, were here."

The Fellowship saw the King and Queen of this city as they wore white clothes and was covered in light, but something odd about them.

"Yeah... why are they shorter than us and what's with the King?" Pip/Nelson said.

"I'm a rabbit." Ralph/Celeborn said hopping in circles.

"We may be shorter than you, but I'm still smart as Einstein, plus I'm young in Elf years." Lisa/Galadriel bragged about her brain as the two were engulfed in light.

"Even though she's shorter than a hobbit. She's kind of cute." Milhouse/Sam whispered to Pip.

"You got that right." Nelson/Pip said.

"What are you talking about gentlemen." Martin/Merry said.

"Shut up Merry. Who needs you to talk!" Nelson/Pip punched right in Merry's face. "By the way. How did you got married to a dork like that?"

"Yeah... It's a long stupid story... One of his friends told him that he needed a queen and he just pointed at me and called me Big Bird for some reason... They just picked me because even they knew the king is stupid and I don't like to brag but they knew that I'm smart." Lisa/Galadriel chuckled a bit as she bragged.

"Uh-huh... Nice story and all but we have a ring to destroy and all." Lenny/Legolas said.

"Oh yes... Anyway, that evil you carry around your neck." Lisa/Galadriel pointed at the necklace attached to the ring around Frodo's neck. "Plus, I believe the fat bald man accidently killed Gandalf when he had a chance to live..."

Suddenly all the people around Aragorn, who waved his eyes back and forth, looked at him angrily as Gandalf has befriended so many people.

"Anyway, since there is now eight out of nine of the Fellowship, you can stay here for one day, but then it's off to your mission as there is still a spark of hope."

"Spark of hope! Where? Am I on fire?" Homer/Aragorn yelled.

"What's with him?" Lisa/Galadriel sighed.

"Yeah... sometimes he's brave, sometimes he's a little wise, but most of the times he's a scared, angry, bald headed freak." Barney/Boromir said.

"I see... Anyway, get some rest including you Frodo who has seen the eye..." Lisa/Galadriel said.

"I seen an eye too!" Ralph/Celeborn said as he stared at his own eye in his hand which he pulled out of his head by force. "Ralph feels all dizzy..."

* * *

"Hey people. Take some rest. Your going to need it when we move out of here." Homer/Aragorn said as most of the Fellowship began to sleep. He then spotted Boromir as if he didn't have hope. "Hey what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I have no hope. A voice came to me that the fall of Gondor and my father will happen and yet that spark of hope with turn into a blazing fire of hope. I still don't believe it!"

"Isn't it obvious. Your drunk." Homer/Aragorn said.

"Well... That may be true, but my father rules with honor but now it is failing along with my people losing faith. Our people losing faith." Barney/Boromir said. "Have you ever seen that place. The white towers, the beautiful music, the light passing through the clouds, the people smiling... home... I want see home again."

"We will Boromir. Now stop drinking that beer and start focusing." Homer/Aragorn swiped the beer from Boromir and started drinking it.

"You know. Our paths will soon come to Gondor and people will yell out, 'The Lords of Gondor has return'." Barney/Boromir said.

* * *

As The Fellowship slept, Frodo woke up as he heard noises. He then saw a female figure in white and knew that she is Galadriel, that short lady that brags about how smart she is. He followed the lady as she continued to walk towards another path through trees, stairs, and statues. The lady stopped at a pedestal that had a basin on the top and middle of it.

"Look into the mirror Frodo." Lisa/Galadriel spoke as she already noticed him and pour water into the basin from a jug.

"What will I see?" Bart/Frodo spoke as he came towards.

"Even the Wisest cannot tell. It could be anything. What was, what are, or what has not happened yet." Lisa/Galadriel spoke as she stopped pouring water into the basin.

The hobbit walked towards the pedestal and looked through the still water.

"What do you see?..." Lisa/Galadriel spoke.

"I.. I see my friends are capture by Mordor's forces, and... Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn are defeated... I than see... that football is replaced by soccer... Now I see that people are burning down all the videogames in history... It's horrible... What is this?" Bart/Frodo said as he saw the Eye of Sauron.

"_I see you..."_Sauron spoke.

Suddenly Frodo stepped back away from the pedestal and landed on his bottom in confusion and fear.

"It's scary isn't it?" Lisa/Galadriel spoke.

"Yeah... Why the heck would people replace football with soccer.. oh and my friends.. and the rest of the fellowship.. blah blah.. there in trouble..?" Bart/Frodo said in a not-caring voice.

"This will happen if you fail your task. The Fellowship is already starting to break into pieces one by one." Lisa/Galadriel said.

"Than why don't you take it!" Bart/Frodo said.

"You... you offer to me freely?" Lisa/Galadriel reached her hand towards the ring.

Suddenly Bart laughed and said, "Sikes! Finder Keepers!" as he held the ring away from her.

"Dang it... Oh well... That ring would pretty much destroy me too. All that power... gone... " Lisa/Galadriel sighed...

* * *

**Chapter 5**

The Fellowship were at the docks of Lothlorien as the members were on three small canoes now with new gifts from Galadriel. Sam received a rope of Elvin, Pip and Merry received new swords, Legolas received a new bow and arrows, and Frodo received a Phial of Galadriel which lights in the deepest darkness of the caves. The Fellowship now departed to their next destination by river.

The Fellowship were canoeing their way to their next destination on the river of Anduin, south that is.

"Hey Gimli. What gift did you got?" Lenny/Legolas asked.

"I asked for one piece of hair." Carl/Gimli said. "She said no, so I stole three pieces of her hair."

"That seems... awkward..." Milhouse/Sam spoke.

"Hey guys! I've recovered from alcohol! I'm not an alcoholic anymore." Barney/Boromir said in joy as he didn't burp anymore, his hair wasn't frizzy, and he now can focus better.

* * *

The Fellowship stopped traveling in canoes in the river of Anduin and took a break as it was still nighttime at a shore of sand that was closely near the forest.

"We will rest here and wait for now. I got some extra Duffete bottles people." Homer/Aragorn said. "Boromir? What are you looking at?" Homer/Aragorn said as Boromir was hiding behind the rocks looking at someone of something hiding behind a log in the river.

"What the heck is that?" Barney/Boromir whispered at Aragorn walked over there.

"That's Gollum. He's been tracking us all day." He spoke as the creature was hiding behind the log.

"We should go to Gondor. It's near and our people can help us. I'm starting to be afraid and yet angry at the same time." Barney/Boromir said.

"It's because your an recovered Alcoholic. All recovered Alcoholics feel afraid and angry. As for Gondor, no. I will not let your people have a chance to hold this ring." Homer/Aragorn said.

* * *

The Fellowship were again traveling by river as they were on the three boats in daytime as the river were now in-between a steep rock gorge. Suddenly the group were amazed as they saw something great in front of their eyes.

"Are those large statues of Gondarion kings? It's enormous and great!" Martin/Merry said as he saw two enormous statues of the Gondarion Kings on each side of the river.

"Yes... it's amazing... Always wanted to see them... They remind me of someone... but who..." Homer/Aragorn said as he saw one enormous statue on the left drunk and the other statue on the right scratching his butt as Aragorn did the same thing as them.

A little later, the Fellowship stopped by at another shore that was also closely near the woods as they saw a large waterfall.

"Okay people. We will travel by nightfall, hide the boats, and reach to Mordor in the North." Homer/Aragorn said acting wise instead of killing there guide that would lead to Mordor or putting a ring that could destroy the whole world on his doodle.

"Uh-huh. Going through Mordor that has an army of Orcs waiting for us, that massive black wall, and those celebrity giants like the one we just fought back in the mines." The dwarf said with a gloomy expression.

"Just rest for now. Where's Frodo and Boromir?" Homer/Aragorn spoke.

"I think we should leave. I sense terrible danger ahead." Lenny/Legolas spoke.

"No. The Orcs will come at the Eastern shore and I still have all this fat I need to take care of." The man spoke against of the Elves words.

"I sense something else. It's either a new breed of enemies or... a hobo who thinks who wants to get laid... if you know what I mean..." Lenny/Legolas smiled.

"Dude... You are just one sick elf, you know that?" Homer/Aragorn said.

"I know..." The elf looked towards the ground.

* * *

Frodo was walking in the woods quietly until he heard a voice.

"You shouldn't wander alone. You are the ring bearer." Barney/Boromir gathered wood. "You want to go back home after you suffered from these horrible events? Isn't it? Don't we all want that... I can help you young hobbit."

"Eat my shorts." Bart/Frodo walked away.

"I ask only for the ring to help my people!" Barney/Boromir yelled as he began to chase Frodo. "Give me that ring!"

The man grabbed him by the foot causing him to fall to the ground as he tried to struggle away from him when the man gripped his arm easily. Suddenly the hobbit vanished completely as he wore the ring on his finger.

"Frodo?" Barney/Boromir yelled. "Are you still here?"

Suddenly he got tripped and got hit right in the face by a stick.

"I take it as a yes Frodo. Frodo? I better drink my medicine..." Barney/Boromir said as he drank a beer called Duffete.

* * *

Frodo finds himself at the stones of a stairway as he quickly walked up there to the top of an old small monument of the ruins. He cowers towards a statue and suddenly the world starts to shrink as Frodo takes a peek from the statue. Suddenly where he stood moved towards a tower in Mordor where he sees Sauron eye on a tower.

"_I see you..."_ Sauron spoke.

"How can you even talk? You have no mouth!" Bart/Frodo sighed as he backed away.

He took the ring off but when he backed away again he fell off the small building and landed on to the ground as the world he was in was back to normal.

"There you are Frodo." Homer/Aragorn spoke as he towers over Frodo. "Where's the ring?"

"Get away from me!" Bart/Frodo as he crawled away and stood back on his feet near the corner of the other side of the building where he just fell off.

"I'm here to protect you." Homer/Aragorn spoke.

"Can you protect me from yourself? Would you destroy it?" Bart/Frodo said as he showed him the ring in his hand.

Aragorn went towards him and reached his hand towards the ring. Instead he just gripped his hand and kneeled towards him.

"I would've gone with you to the end... to the fires of Mordor... and then take a snack... and a beer... and a..."

"Yeah. I get it now." Bart/Frodo sighed of Aragorn's brain's low intelligence.

"Frodo. Your sword. It's glowing." Homer/Aragorn said.

Frodo pulled it out and it revealed a blue glow around it. The two turned around and saw a group of enemies known as the Uruk-Hai in armor as they held large swords and shields.

"Run Frodo! Frodo?" Homer/Aragorn spoke as he turned around to see that Frodo already ran into the woods without hearing his words. "That stupid little halfling leaving me to fight all of these... whatever you are! I'll strangle him until he can't speak!"

"Were Uruk-Hai and attack! Capture the halflings!" Snake/Lurtz yelled as he ordered his men to take out the Fellowship.

Aragorn charges towards the swarm of Uruk-Hai and managed to bring two down easily with his sword, but the swarm forces him to back away to the stairs of the building that is a part of the ruins. As he is now fighting the Uruk-Hai on top of the small building, he jumps off and lands on a few Uruk-Hai and kills them due to his heavy weight. A Uruk-Hai tries to kill the man with his sword as he is on the ground but suddenly he is shot down by an arrow.

Gimli and Legolas appears as they are a part of the battle. Aragorn stood up from the ground as he fights the Uruk-Hai with the elf and the dwarf.

"What are you doing with that rock Legolas?" Carl/Gimli asked as Legolas was holding a rock.

"You know I said back in the mines that those Orcs were easy to kill." Lenny/Legolas said.

"Yeah?"

"I want to try something out." Lenny/Legolas spoke as he threw a tiny rock towards a Uruk-Hai causing him to die so easily.

"What the heck?" Carl/Gimli said as he just saw a Uruk-Hai get killed so easily by just a rock in the face. "It was so hard to kill that Barbara Streisand monster, those Orcs were killable by the leg, but these are killable by small rocks?"

"I'm done here." Homer/Aragorn said as he killed all the Uruk-Hai in the ruins with a feather.

"Who's writing this stupid script?" Carl/Gimli complaining that the Uruk-Hai are too easy to kill.

* * *

Frodo ran down the woods and quickly crawls behind a tree as Uruk-Hai rushes through the forest for the search of Halflings.

"Frodo!" Martin/Merry whispered to him as he and Pip were hiding from the hollow of a log.

"Hide here! Quick before they see you!" Nelson/Pip whispered. "What are you doing?"

"He's... He's leaving..." Martin/Merry whispered as he saw their friend hiding behind the tree.

"No!" Nelson/Pip stepped out of the hollow of the log causing Merry to also step out of the log as he grabs him by the arm.

"What the heck are you doing grabbing my arm? You never do this kind of thing. You're a nerd." Nelson/Pip said as Merry gripped his arm tightly.

"Frodo! Just run! Frodo?" Martin/Merry seeing that Frodo again has ran without listening to his words. "That conniving little jerk! Anyway, uh... Over here! Were right here!"

Suddenly the Uruk-Hai spotted the two hobbits and rush towards them.

"It's working." Nelson/Pip said.

"Of course it is. NOW RUN FOR YOUR FREAKING LIVES!" Martin/Merry screamed in an unusual way as the two hobbits were running away from the Uruk-Hai.

* * *

As Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were fighting the Uruk-Hai down the slopes of the Forest, they hear something familiar to them. A horn that is.

"That's the horn of Gondor! What do we do?" Lenny/Legolas said.

"How would I know?" Homer/Aragorn said as he killed another Uruk-Hai with a easily-breakable stick.

"Uh maybe that's Boromir calling for help?" Carl/Gimli said.

"Oh. Boromir... That guy. So... I guess we should... help him I guess..." Homer/Aragorn said as it took him a lot of time to think of a decision. "Well. Let's go! Attack!"

Suddenly only Legolas ran towards the slopes of the forest as Aragorn and Gimli were laughing of where they stood.

"Sucker." Carl/Gimli laughed with Aragorn as he was watching Legolas fight the Uruk-Hai.

* * *

"Yeah. Anyway, this time for real." Homer/Aragorn spoke.

As the two hobbits, Pip and Merry, run down the slopes of the forest from the swarm of Uruk-Hai, they suddenly encountered an enemy in front of them. Suddenly that one enemy in front of the two got stabbed from the back and fell to the ground revealing Boromir gripping his sword tightly.

"Come on! Come on!" Barney/Boromir said as he drank a beer causing him to go nuts again and used the horn of Gondor again.

Boromir continues to fight with his swords as the two hobbits just stand there. Suddenly Lurtz appears, leader of the swarm of Uruk-Hai rushing into the forest, as he held in his hand a crossbow.

"My lucky day. I'm in a club, a leader of a swarm, and get to kill my first target." Snake Jailbird/Lurtz said as he aimed his crossbow towards Boromir from the top of the slope of the forest. He releases the arrow from his weapon and suddenly Boromir fell to his knees as his chest got thud by an arrow as beer is leaking from the wound like a hole in a barrel filled with alcohol.

Amazingly, the man stood up and kept on fighting the swarm as the two hobbits and the Uruk-Hai leader watched.

"Still trying?" Snake Jailbird/Lurtz said as he again used his crossbow to release an arrow that went through Boromir's chest again.

Suddenly the second wound of the arrow had been leaking again, yet he still stood up to fight the Uruk-Hai.

"One last arrow should do the trick, dude." Snake Jailbird/Lurtz spoke as he aimed his crossbow towards the man who had a strong will... a strong drunken will to fight off the Uruk-Hai.

The Uruk-Hai released the arrow causing it to send it towards Boromir's chest again as beer is leaking out of his third wound as he finally fell to his knees for good.

Suddenly the two hobbits screamed out his name, "Boromir! Boromir!" repeatedly and grabbed their swords out, yet it was too late as they were quickly kidnapped by the Uruk-Hai unharmed.

Soon the swarm of Uruk-Hai were gone all but one who carried the crossbow.

"Times up dude." Snake Jailbird/Lurtz laughed as he aimed his crossbow right in front of him towards his head.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Aragorn charges at the leader of the swarm causing him to fall down to the ground with Aragorn on him. He then stabbed him right in the chest with his sword as the Uruk-Hai was not breathing.

"Aragorn. He's already dead. Your weight killed him first, not the stab." Barney/Boromir said weakly on the ground as he was losing blood... and beer... "They took the little ones and where is Frodo?"

"I let Frodo go." Homer/Aragorn said towards the dying man.

"Than you did what I did not. You manage to let him hold the ring alone as he goes to Mordor where he has a 1-100 chance of surviving." Barney/Boromir said. "Please forgive me. I have failed you all, 'BURP!'."

"No, Boromir. You have fought bravely against the enemy and kept your honor and remember this. Men will not fall. I will not let your people fail or Gondor itself."

"Our people... I will... follow you my fellow idiot brother... my fat captain... my drunken king... except on Saturdays. That's Boromir's time." Barney/Boromir said. The next second, he wasn't breathing as Aragorn closed his eyes with his two fingers.

* * *

Later at the shores of the woods, a certain hobbit named Frodo set sail on the small boat remembering Gandalf's face as a tear falls from his eyes. Frodo was now on the river again, yet still close to the shore until he heard a certain voice.

"Frodo!" Milhouse/Sam said.

"Go away Sam! I'm coming to Mordor alone." Bart/Frodo yelled back.

"Well, I'm coming with you!" Milhouse/Sam spoke as he launched himself into the water and splashing hopelessly to the boat.

"You can't swim with that big nose of yours." Bart/Frodo yelled back.

"I can try!... Oh dang it..." Milhouse/Sam said as he now reached into the deeper waters of the river causing him to drown and then sink towards the bottom of the lake.

As Sam couldn't breathe or swim his way out of the deep river, suddenly Frodo's hand appeared reaching out to him in front his own eyes. Sam quickly gripped his hand tightly as Frodo pulled him out from meeting his watery grave as Sam was now on the boat.

"I made a promise to never leave my friends in danger, Frodo." Milhouse/Sam spoke with a fierce passion as he talked to the other hobbit.

"Oh Sam... Hey, hey! What the heck are you doing?" Bart/Frodo said.

"Just giving you a hug." Milhouse/Sam said.

"Only girls and Milhouses do that. I'm not a girl or a Milhouse. Go hug yourself." Bart/Frodo said as the two hobbits row on the water through boat.

* * *

The man, dwarf, and elf watched Boromir's dead body laid in the boat as it drifts towards the waterfall of Rauros. Soon, that one boat plunges into the massive waterfall and is never seen again.

"Hey guys. Why couldn't we just burry it instead of sending a body to a waterfall where it will never be seen again?" Lenny/Legolas asked.

"Burying a body, sending a body to a waterfall. It's all good." Homer/Aragorn said.

"Anyway, we should catch up with the two. We can make it in time if we... Aragorn?" Lenny/Legolas said as he got the boat ready. "You don't want us to catch up with them?"

"His fate does not belong with us anymore." Homer/Aragorn said.

"So the Fellowship has failed after all..." Carl/Gimli said.

"Nope. We can still save Pip and the nerd with the girlish name as we still have some strength left. We will travel light, rest, get drunk and hunt some Orc." Homer/Aragorn said.

"Already starting." Carl/Gimli said as he started to drink a lot of beer.

* * *

Frodo and Sam were standing on top of a ridge of a mountain as they saw Mordor behind the mountains.

"There's Mordor. I hope the others will have no trouble." Bart/Frodo said.

"Of course they will. Aragorn will take care of them." Milhouse/Sam said.

"You mean the fat, lazy-ass, drunk, no-brain, chain-gambling, smoking, large load?" Bart/Frodo sighed.

"Pretty much." Milhouse/Sam said.

"Why did I ever agreed for you to come to this journey?" Bart/Frodo sighed again as the two were traveling to Mordor.

* * *

"And that's the story of Lord of The Rings." Homer said as everyone was sleeping. "Hey people!"

Suddenly everyone was awake from Homer's loud voice.

"Huh?... What happened?" Bart yawned.

"I was telling the story of Lord of The Rings." Homer said angrily.

"Yeah, but the story that's based on the movie is just too long. Next time, how about you try Star Wars?" Lisa yawned.

"What? Heck no. I mean, have you seen this one episode of 'The Sampsons'? They spoofed that movie and people keep on complaining that it's a rip-off of Family Dude. I mean, people have been spoofing Star Wars so many times even after that Family Dude Star Wars Special. Plus, The Sampsons are similar to Family Dude and when they created that Star Wars special, people thought it was a rip-off." Homer said.

"Dude. Pretty much every Family Dude fan knows that it's a rip-off of The Sampsons. The only thing is that they don't care. That show is just funny man and even Seth McFarlane has mentioned a few times that it's a rip-off of The Sampsons and still, people don't care. People who complain about what's a rip-off of The Sampsons and Family Dude are just a bunch of people who need a life." Bart said.

"I care that it's a rip-off of The Sampsons. Plus, I wonder what would it be like if I did told the story of Star Wars..." Homer said.

* * *

**(Extra Scene: If Homer told Star Wars)**

Darth Homer was in the death star as he went up to Darth Burns in his huge room.

"Yes Emperor?" Darth Homer said.

"I just found out that Anakin has a son... I wish to..."

"I have a son?" Darth Homer asked.

"Yes, but..."

"Hey everybody! I'm a father!" Darth Homer said in joy as he stepped out of Darth Burns room and into the command center. "This is so great! I wonder how we'll meet?"

Later in Cloud City...

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Bart Skywalker screamed as he found out who his father was.

"Okay... I know that we got off the wrong start but we can rule as father and son! We can play some tennis if you want." Darth Homer said.

"Dude. You just cut off my right hand. Anyway, see ya." Bart Skywalker said as he throw himself to the air vents.

"Oh know you don't!" Darth Homer said as he pulled Bart Skywalker back into the room through the force.

"You're the most fattest and lamest father I ever had!" Bart Skywalker said.

"Why you little!" Darth Homer choked his own son by using the force...


	29. One Threatening Phone Call Please

(Update, Jan 8th 2011) Hello. I just notice some things about my fanfiction. My fanfiction story has over fifty reviews, it's over 170,000 words, it's also now the fanfiction with the highest length of words in The Simpsons category, and I have over 26 stories. Yep... Also, two of you readers suggested that I should spoof the second Lord of The Rings of the books and movies. I'm already planning that, but that won't be released until December or next January. Seriously, the first spoof of Lord of The Rings was over 20,000 words and was long... I already planned the first spoof at that time but didn't expected it to go that high. Anyway, I'm plan on making an extended version of "Ring Around The Rosie". It will be longer, seperated into more than just five chapters, have more jokes (including one I wanted in the original), and it will be re-edited. Also, I'm thinking about making a two or three parter for Valentines Day. I already planned that too.

* * *

Synopsis: Homer has a guest room up for rental and give it to a strange German man which he and Marge are supsicious of. Meanwhile, Bart and his friends trick Nelson into making a threatining prank call to the President which than leads them tied up as an old salesman thinks he's in Vietnam again.

Couch Gag: The SImpsons run to the couch and sitdown. Suddenly a trap door is activated under the couch. A second later, there gone.

Ralph The Word: "2+2= Ralph!" Ralph said.

* * *

Homer put down a wooden sigh in his front lawn that said, "One Guest Room available!" Flanders came over there to see what was happening over at the front lawn of The Simpsons.

"So Homer. What's with the diddly doodly hubbity dubbity Guest room dub." Ned Flanders said.

"You say hubbity dubbity dub? Flanders. I know your irritating but we don't need any more catchphrases from you." Homer sighed.

"Yes... I know... I was just trying something new... but anyway what's with the guest room?"

"I'm letting people rent a guest room for a month or more because of the bills. It hasn't gone well last time." Homer said.

"You mean were letting people renting a room before?" Ned asked.

"Yeah... and it wasn't good..." Homer said.

* * *

Last year...

"So your name is what again?" Homer said as he was in the living room with a person who wanted to rent a guest room.

"My name is... That's none of your business." The man said as he cut himself with his own knife.

"Yeah... I'm going to put you down as a maybe..." Homer said as he wrote down "Nope" on his papers.

Three months later...

"I can't understand you. What are you saying?" Homer asked to the lady.

"Heh Bluh Rahk Geth Thrah!" The Crazy Cat Lady yelled as her cats were walking around her.

"Yeah... I'm going to put you down as a maybe..." Homer said as he wrote down "Nope" on his papers.

Two months later...

"Yes. I'm am Chernov and I'm come to rent this room." Chernov said.

"What's with that Ultranationalist symbol on your jacket and what's with that Russian accent of yours."

"It's nothing."

"You know. You may not be that bad."

Suddenly police noises came out of nowhere.

"Excuse me. I got to go to the bathroom. It does have a window right?" Chernov said.

"We have three bathrooms. Go to the bottom one." Marge said.

"What a nice guy." Homer said as he wrote down, "Nope".

Five months later.

"Ol Gil needs this room! Please!" Ol Gil said.

"Yeah... I'll put you down as a maybe." Homer said as he wrote down "Heck No!"

* * *

"I still miss Chernov. I visit him in Washington DC prison one time as he asks me for pictures of the Nuclear Power plant." Homer said. "Good times..."

"Well, see you later Homer. Me and the kids are going to a Christian Play of turning into those Native Americans into Christians or wiping out there lands. Good luck with the whole renting a guest room thing." Ned smiled.

"Did I hear renting a guest room?" A man said as he walked to a fat man with a German Accent who wore brown trousers and a green coat.

"Yes you did? Do you want to rent one? It's 45 bucks a month." Homer asked.

"Yeah. I need to stay for six or seven months." The German Man said.

"Six or seven months. I forgot to mention the limit of months you can stay is..."

"Playing hard to get huh? How about 75 bucks a month."

"DEAL!" Homer yelled in joy as the German Man gave him a check. "This isn't fake is it?"

"I'm going to stay here for six of more months and I've gave you your first check. It's real. Don't believe me, go check with the bank."

"Okay, Al...brecht... Kell...er... Albrecht Keller." Homer said as he read the name on his check.

* * *

Later in the morning of Saturday

Marge was cleaning the house with a vacuum cleaner until she heard an unfamiliar voice in the living room.

"Hello Mrs. Simpson. I'm Albrecht Keller." Albrecht Keller said.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my house!" Marge Simpson yelled as she grabbed a broom.

"Honey relax." Homer said as he came into the living room. "This is Albrecht Keller, he's staying in the guest room and he's paying 75 dollars a month. I have the check and the bank says it's not a fake."

"75 dollars? Hrmm... Let me see that check." Marge said. "Your from Kentucky?"

"Yes. My parents are both German Americans." Albrecht Keller said as he looked at Marge with an fierce look. "Anyway, good day. I'm going to go to the mall."

Albrecht Keller left the building as the two watched.

"Homer! Why didn't you discuss this rental owner with me? Plus, I don't trust that man. In Kentucky, there are lots of rude people there and that man is not rude!"

"So what? Pretty much every state has lots of rude people. This is America." Homer said.

"I still don't trust that man. Have you notice how he looked at me." Marge said.

"Yeah. He looks at people all the time. Must be some kind of disorder." Homer spoke.

* * *

Bart and his friends, Milhouse, Nelson, Bashir, and Handyman, were hanging out in his room as they were reading comic books.

"So Handy. What do you think of this year's Radioactiveman comic book?" Bart asked.

"Handy? First you ask my name, than you ignore it, than you call me Handyman, and now you call me Handy? What's with the world today?" Handy said.

"Yeah, yeah. What do you think of the comic?" Bashir asked.

"Eh... Radioactive man fighting a giant snowman... I think they're running out of ideas..." Handy said.

"Yeah... now they add Wall-Mart ads to the back of the comic book?" Milhouse said.

"By the way, have you heard that North Korea has their own Nuclear program?" Nelson said.

"Duh... There communists, people who likes to burn stuff for their evil needs. In other words, a hell raising douche bag." Handy said.

"Well... what if they use that Nuclear Program to bomb the White House. Lots of evil criminals tried that and only Britain managed to do it. We should warn the President about this." Nelson spoke again.

"Nelson. Saying that the President is going to be bombed can lead to trouble. I say, you should do it!" Bart smiled as he handed him a cell phone.

"Oh my god. My first cell phone. I couldn't afford one because I'm poor... So how does it work?" Nelson said in surprised.

"Just dial it in like any other phone could." Bashir said.

"Oh. Okay than." Nelson said as he dialed into the number.

"Well?" Bart said.

"Hello? Is this the president?" Nelson spoke through the cell phone as he was calling the White House. "How strong are the White House defenses?"

Suddenly everyone in the room but Nelson chuckled.

"Why am I calling?... Because someone is trying to kill the President! That's why! Yeah! I'm serious! Someone wants to harm the President's life and this is no joke!" Nelson yelled.

Suddenly the boys were laughing a little more harder as Nelson continue calling.

"Where am I? An address? Oh, I'm at 742 Evergreen Terrace and..."

"NO!" All the boys yelled as they tackled Nelson altogether.

"What did you did that for?" Nelson said.

"You just threatened the President of The United States life!" Bart yelled.

"What? I'm not the one trying to bomb the White House! It's the North Koreans and there Nuclear Program! There the communists!" Nelson argued who stood up from the ground along with the other boys.

"You didn't say that to the white house idiot!" Bashir yelled.

"Man, Nelson finally knows how to use a cell phone and were all going to prison for it!" Handy yelled.

* * *

The door bell kept ringing as Homer went towards the door in the morning.

"I'm coming! Just stop ringing the doorbell for pity sake!" Homer yelled as he opened the door revealing two men in black suits, red ties, and wearing sunglasses.

"Hello. Were the FBI and we heard down the street that a criminal might be here?" The FBI on the right spoke.

"Criminal?" Homer said.

"Yes. He's a former German Nazi and he's one sick bastard who is Albert Diederich. As a child, he started having a interest in crime as he read the book, 'The Most Dangerous Game' which is about this man who hunts humans as a sport." The FBI on the left spoke. "Later his parents were killed when he was young and decided to hunt down anyone who have children. He would leave children alive as orphans but he would study the parents and hunt them down because he believe that if he can't have a father or mother, no one should. We believe that despicable man is here in Springfield."

"Okay. What are you trying to sell?" Homer said.

"Were not salesman. Anyway if you meet him he might have a fake name and here's a picture of him." The FBI on the right showed Homer a picture of the criminal that looked just like the guest that was staying tonight.

"Wait a minute! That's a nice tie and I just noticed it! How much!" Homer said.

"Were not salesman!" The FBI agents said at the same time. "Eh... Just give us a call."

The FBI agents gave them a phone number as they left the street.

Homer walked towards the TV room as he saw Bart and his friends watching TV as they shake a little.

"So Homer? Who was it?" Bart asked.

"Some salesman saying that there the FBI." Homer said as he walked by.

"FBI! Dude. They found us already!" Milhouse screamed.

Suddenly the doorbell ring.

"It's them! What the heck do we do! I'm too young to go to prison!" Bashir ran in circles as the doorbell ranged.

"Relax! Fat Old Homer there just said that the FBI agent was a salesman." Handy said as the four friends slowly walk towards the front door.

They opened it and saw an old man with a mustache who's possibly in his mid-60s.

"Hello there. I'm a salesman and I received an order from Marge Simpson about wanting a 'Shake Weight'." The Old Salesman said as he held a box with a Shake Weight in it.

"Look old man! I know that you're the FBI so I'll just admit it right now! It was me not my friends." Nelson said. "I was the one who called."

"So wait... Your an eleven-year old boy named Marge and you want this Shake Weight which is designed for woman? You are just one weird kid." The Old Salesman said as he handed Nelson the box with a Shake Weight in it.

The boys closed the door as Nelson began to open the shake weight at the living room as the chimney had a roaring fire.

"What's a shake weight anyway?" Nelson grabbed a modified dumbbell electronic.

"Oh... I get it now!" Bart said as he swiped the shake weight from Nelson. "There must be some kind of tiny camera in here. We won't know if there is unless whatever this is works. I'm going to turn it on, guys."

Bart lifted his finger towards the button of the shake weight dumbbell. He pressed the button and suddenly the dumbbell was shaking which scared the boys making them scream and causing Bart to throw it into the fire of the chimney.

"Uh... guys..." Nelson said. "If there was a camera... couldn't we just ask Lisa for help?"

"What kind of help?" Lisa entered the room caused the guys to become scared and scream again.

"Nothing. We pretty much destroyed it... so no thanks. Though you could help us of why Nelson is the only one who's thinking now because we are really going through some stressful moments now." Handy said as he fell to the ground tiredly.

* * *

It was nighttime and Homer was about to get ready to sleep in his blue pajamas in his and Marge's bed as his wife was already sleeping until they heard noises that sounded like a saw and some wood...

"Hmm... What now..." Marge sighed. "It's that guest who rented the room... Homer, can you go check to see what's going on?"

"Why me?..." Homer sighed as he stepped out of the master bed room and towards the guest room of the left of the hallway, second floor, of the house. He knocked on the door and he heard a voice.

"Who is it?" Albrecht Keller asked.

"It's me. Homer, the landlord." Homer said.

"Landlord? I'm pretty much just a guest here." Albrecht Keller said within the guest room.

"Yeah, but it's pretty much a landlord since your staying for some months." Homer yawned.

"Okay.. fine... I'll let you in." The German said.

As Homer waited he heard strange noises on the door. It sounded like four or five extra latches as Homer became suspicious, these latches would be owned by a strange person... but for what? Homer continued to wait until the German finally opened the door and showed him around the small guest room.

"Hmm... What are these?" Homer said seeing small wooden furniture.

"These? This is a hobby. I made some small stools, shelves, a spice rack, a small coffee table. All with this saw." The German spoke happily as he showed him a saw.

"Uh-huh... What are these Sniper Rifles here for and is that a dog?..." Homer still being suspicious as he spotted Sniper Rifles mounted to the walls on small shelves and saw a dog under the bed of the guest room.

"I like to hunt animals, with my bloodhound. His name is Buffon Condruot. I just made that up in my head." The German spoke.

Homer stepped out of the door and said, "Okay than... Bye..."

"Yep. Bye bye to you." Albrecht Keller said as he closed the door again.

Suddenly Homer heard the latches sound again but this time they were being locked instead of unlocked.

Homer went back to his room and sat down on the bed instead of laying down as Marge saw him.

"Did we ever had latches in the guest room?" Homer asked.

"No? Why? Is there something wrong with that man?" Marge asked.

"No. I found out he had a dog and Snipers for hunting, but it's probably nothing." Homer said as he yawned and went to sleep on his soft white bed. "Good night honey."

"Good night to you Homer." Marge said with a smile as the two began to close their eyes sleeping.

* * *

On the next day, it was daytime and the kids were staring at an Police Heavily Armored Van, empty at the driver's seat, from Bart's house as they saw it on the other side of their street.

"Do you think the Police Officers is here to arrest us." Nelson asked his friends as they were in the living room..

"It's empty on the front and there not here... maybe it's a fake... plus, the police is controlled by fatty Wiggum." Handy said.

"A fake?" Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, and Bashir asked at the same time.

"Yeah... It's probably a fake armored van to scare us until the real one appears." Handy said.

"Those government officials are too clever..." Bart said.

"Yeah... What kind of country is this, if you don't even have the right to prank call our own president..." Nelson said as they stared at the van through one of the windows of the living room.

"How do we know it's a fake? It could be an ambush." Bashir said.

"It can't be an ambush. Not even Wiggum can't pull off one good ambush." Handy said.

"Well... how do we know it's a fake than?" Bashir asked.

"The only way is to see what's inside the back of the van. If the back contains nothing but radios, computers, and other hi-tech government stuff... we'll prove how corrupt the Government really is... if not... well, there's going to be some highly wanted criminals that were finally captured by Wiggum and the police and released all over Springfield... We should do it." Bart said.

* * *

The kids were on the other side of the street from there's and were at the armored van with the word police on it.

Two of the kids were on the left of the backdoor of the armored vehicle, Milhouse and Nelson, and three were on the right of the backdoor of the armored vehicle, Bart, Handy, and Bashir.

"On my mark." Bart spoke. "1...2...THREE!"

Suddenly at the kids opened the doors, Fat Tony, Snake Jailbird, Sideshow Bob, and other mastermind criminals escaped from the armored van.

"Dude... I think we just released criminals into Springfield... Alright guys!" Handy smiled as the others were smiling too.

"Wait a minute... If that van wasn't real... then, how are we sure that the FBI are watching us. Maybe from the satellite in space!" Bashir said as he looked up into the sky.

"Okay than... let's just calmly walk over to the house and look like were normal guys." Bart said.

Suddenly they just ran towards the house in a hurry rather than calmly. Instead of entering through the door... they jumped through the living room's window causing the glass to break into pieces.

* * *

Homer and Marge were in bed at nighttime as they were both giggling and kissing.

Suddenly out of nowhere, the German guest bursted into the room with a chainsaw like a madman as Homer and Marge were screaming.

"Hey guys! I got a job as a lumberjack. Huh? What's with you two?" Albrecht Keller said as he saw the two shaking in bed. "Oh well..."

The German left the room as Homer spoke.

"Hmm... kind of think of it... That salesman did say he might be a Nazi Criminal... Nah..." Homer said as he went back to sleep.

"Nazi Criminal?" Marge said. "I'm still too young to die Homer."

"Well, I'm still haven't had beat that pie-eating contest when Fat Albert was there." Homer sighed in bed.

"Homer. That was just a black man who's more over weighted than you. Plus he doesn't say Hey multiple times. He says the F word multiple times." Marge said as she went back to sleep.

'Yeah, well... it could be worst. I mean that German could be a Nazi Criminal, but you don't see me mentioning that." Homer said.

"But you just..."

"Uhp, uhp, uhp. Just go to sleep." Homer said.

* * *

Lisa woke up from bed in the morning as she heard noises down stairs. She stepped out of her bedroom, went downstairs, and to the living room to find it a mess as she saw Bart and his friends wrecking the place.

"What are you doing now!" Lisa yelled.

"All these electronics are bugged by the government. So there's only one solution. Destroy them." Bart said.

"Is that gasoline!" Lisa said as he saw Nelson, Bashir, and Handy pouring gasoline all over electronics but also furniture, the walls, and curtains.

"Yeah. Were eliminating the evidence." Handy spoke.

"But why? Your going to burn the house down! This is furniture!" Lisa argued.

"Okay. Have you seen in that movie, Spy Kids, where they planted these tiny micro-sized cameras on the walls. The government could've planted those into the furniture... maybe the whole house!" Nelson yelled.

"Oh my god! Are they on me!" Bashir said as he shake his shirt thinking there were micro-size cameras on him.

Suddenly they heard the doorbell again as the kids ran to it.

"What now..." Lisa sighed as Bart and his friends were acting crazy.

The kids opened the door and found the same old salesman again.

"Yeah. I heard that Marge never got her product. Anyway here's another one and..." The Salesman said until Nelson grabbed a baseball bat from the mess and knocked him to the floor.

"Nelson! You just knocked out a mid-sixties salesman!" Lisa said.

"These FBI's aren't throwing us to prison!" Nelson said as he and his friends dragged the unconscious body towards the basement.

"He's a salesman! He comes here every month because my mom buys a lot of products!" Lisa argued.

"They've gotten to Lisa too!" Milhouse said. "What do we do!"

"Just tie the old man to a chair and throw him to the basement." Bart said.

"Already taken care of." Handy spoke as the old man was tied to the chair by rope and thrown into a basement.

The kids were now in the living room discussing of what to do next.

"So, they've gotten to Lisa too. What now?" Handy said.

"The government haven't gotten too me! I'm still the normal nine-year old girl that lives in this house." Lisa said.

"Eh, good enough for me." Bart said tiredly as he and his friends, expect Lisa, fell to the ground. "I need some sleep."

"Kids! Were going out tonight." Marge yelled upstairs.

"Yeah, yeah." Bart said with his eyes shut closed.

"Are you going to be alright?" Homer said.

"Duh." Bart yelled as he was already in a mess.

* * *

An hour later at Evergreen Terrace, Bart stood up from his sleep.

"Okay... let's go check on the prisoner." Bart yawned as the other's got up.

"Prisoner?" Lisa said from the couch as she was reading a book. "Now your calling the salesman a prisoner?"  
"He's not a salesman. He's an FBI. Now Bashir and Milhouse. Now let's go check on the man." Bart said as his friends, except Lisa who stayed in the messy living room, went towards the underground basement.

As the five kids entered, they saw no salesman and were surprised.

"Dang it! He's escaped. Where could he be now?" Handy argued.

Suddenly out of nowhere, the old salesman appeared under the wooden stairs and took down the kids with one body slam causing the kids to fall down to the ground. He then grabbed them all and tied them together and their feet and hands as they were now on the floor. The old man grabbed a shoe and held it towards his mouth and ear at the same time.

"Hello! Hello! I have just captured five members of the Vietcong! They are two stubborn troops, a nerd, some foreign kid, and a weirdo with sunglasses. I need backup! Hello? Where' my unit!" The old man said.

"Vietcong? Dude. I think the old man thinks he's in Vietnam." Handy said towards his friends.

"Where am I anyway?" The old man said as he stood in front of the kids on the floor as they were tied up by rope.

"Your in a house." Bart answered.

"House? Must be in one of the Vietnam Cities. You Vietcong aren't taking me that easily! U.S.A! U.S.A!" The Old man yelled as he ran in circles.

"Dude. You are in the USA." Bart sighed.

"Nice try, but I don't listen to Vietcong. Especially communists" The Old man said.

"Yeah. Do we look like Vietcong? We happen to be eleven." Nelson yelled.

"Eleven year old Vietcong? You Vietnamese training kids to join the military? You make me sick." The Old man spoke until he turned around and see someone?

"What's going on? I heard noises down stairs." Lisa said.

"Now you kidnap children from the states? How cruel is this world." The Old man said.

"What the? You? How? never mind..." All the kids tied up on the floor sighed as Lisa wasn't considered an enemy to the old man.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the kids were tied up in the basement.

"Man... Were tied up in the basement, the FBI over there thinks he's in Vietnam, the house is a mess, and I smell something gross and wet." Bart said.

"That was me." Milhouse said.

"Come on! We have to get out of here!" Bart yelled. "Hey... Handy dude. You got your switch blade?" Bart said.

"Yeah, but wouldn't that cut someone's wrist open?" Handy said.

"It's all we got. Here, cut through the rope tied to my hands." Bart said.

Ten minutes later, the kids were free and they walked out of the basement.

"Finally, I'm free and..."

"Shh!" Nelson said as he spotted the old man sleeping on the couch with a blanket over him.

The five friends walked over there quietly and slowly. They were now at the couch and then Bart yelled, "Play times over!" as he lifted the blanket away from the couch. Instead of seeing an old man, he saw a stack of pillows.

"AHH!" The Old man yelled as he used a threw a sack on them.

The kids were again captured but the top half of their bodies was covered by a sack as it was tied by another rope.

"USA! USA!" The Old man yelled in circles.

Suddenly Homer and Marge entered the living room as they just came back from dinner.

"What's going on here?" Marge said as she saw a big mess.

"More enemy troops?" The Old man yelled again.

"Don't worry. I know how to handle this in a completely nice and calm way." Homer spoke. Suddenly he just punched him right in the face causing him to fall unconscious. "Problem solved."

* * *

Three hours later...

The family was eating dinner with Bart's friends at the dining room as they were all tired from what they've been through. Suddenly they heard noise upstairs.

"Oh... what now..." Homer said.

"I can't take it... That German has to leave!" Marge said.

"But he's paying us some good money for a month." Homer whined.

"He has to leave! Whether you or that old man likes it or not."

"Fine..." Homer stopped whining.

The two were at the second floor of the house as they were at the guest room knocking on the door. The two heard latches as the door was opened.

"Yes?" Albrecht Keller asked.

"Can we come in. We need to talk." Homer said.

"Fine..." Albrecht Keller sighed as he let them into the room filled with rifles, furniture, and a bloodhound. "So what is it?"

"We think you should go... uh... Here's your check back..." Marge said as she gave him the check.

"Go?... Heh... Fine. I will go, but here's some presents I made you two." Albrecht Keller spoke as he gave Homer a pair of bongo drums and Marge a spice rack.

"Well this is nice... but... you know what... you can stay." Marge said as she stared at the gift.

"Oh. By the way? Why did you wanted me to leave anyway?" The man asked.

"It's nothing. Will be on our way now." Homer said.

The two stepped out of the guest room as the German closed the door.

"You know what. Maybe he's not a criminal after all and..." Homer said until he and Marge were quickly silence by a group of men near the front door.

The group of men were made of FBI members, CIA members, and the SWAT team.

"Shhh. Just go down to your dinner and pretend like nothing happened." A CIA member said to the two.

* * *

The two came down to the diner room as they sat down for dinner.

"We fixed the problem." Marge said.

"Uh... no... The noise is actually louder... Sounds like a guy yelling in a German accent being beating up." Bart said.

"Just eat or else!" Homer said.

The family and Bart's friends were eating dinner like normal people would as they heard the beating of a German man upstairs.

"Would you pass me the bread please?" Homer said as the beating noises became louder.

"Where am I?" The Old man or Salesman said.

"The salesman regained his memory." Handy answered.

"Salesman? Oh shit! Your an FBI member!" Homer ran away as he mistake a salesman for an FBI, just like he mistake the two FBI's before for salesman's.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

The Policemen and Albrecht Keller were in front of Homer and Marge outside of the house.

"I'm telling you! I'm innocent!" The German said as he and the Policemen were near an armored van.

"Than what were those two dead bodies doing in the closet of that guest room?" A Policeman asked.

As they opened the backdoor of the armored van, they saw it empty.

"Hmm... Didn't we captured a lot of criminals?" The Policeman said.

"Who knows..." The other Policeman said.

Later at the guest room of The Simpsons house.

Bart entered it as he was looking for something. As he went towards the closet. He opened and saw two deformed dead bodies there.

"There they are. I was looking for these dead body props. They sure scared the kindergarteners real good at the halloween party..." Bart said.


	30. ParaLordTermSimpson Activity

(Feb. 19th 2011) Hello Everybody. I haven't typed up a story for some time because of these final exams, work, and other things and I had to take a break from the Simpson fanfiction. Also try to guess the three parodies that I put in this story.

* * *

Couch Scene: The Simpsons run to the couch and suddenly each member of the family disappears one by one including the couch

Ralph The Word Scene: "I'm learning." Ralph said as he was eating his homework.

Synopsis: An old man tells a tale of Homer finding a curse object leading him to the volcano of Mt. Fuji. Meanwhile, Lisa wants to stop this bonfire of burning library books, but who started the bonfire?

* * *

It was the future, and a boy was in his pajamas as he yawned in his bedroom of a house in the middle of the suburbs, getting ready to go to sleep as his grandpa, an Irish man entered the room.

"Hello there sonny boy. You ready for a bedtime story?" The Irish Man spoke.

"You bet Grandpa!" The Boy spoke as he was in his bed.

"Well... I have a story for you that actually happened back in the past." The Irish Man spoke again.

"A non-fiction story? Boring... Can't you tell about the stories in a world of dragons and wizards or the story about futuristic jets taking down robots from another planet?" The Boy sighed.

"Just listen... Anyway... there was a fat bald man and a boy of spiky hair that had the same age as you... It all started in a place I called Springfield..."

* * *

"Got to find me some grub!" A drunken zombie dog spoke as he was digging through the trash can on two legs as he was at the dumpster of an alley. "There's got to be something in here... What's this?"

The drunken zombie dog founded an old DVD player that's broken and out of date. He was...

"Hold on a minute! What does a dog that's a zombie who can talk and is drunk have to do with anything? Plus, this already sounds fictional due to that dog." The Boy in Pajamas interrupted the story

Let me get back to the story for pity sake! Anyway, the drunken zombie dog looked at the DVD player in confusion as if he was being brainwashed...

"Hey. What you got there?" Homer stepped into the alley.

"Huh... Oh... uh... Here Take this." The Drunken Zombie Dog said.

"Whatever Fluffy." Homer calling the dog by his usual nickname.

"It's freaking Doug, man! Plus, why aren't you freaked out! I'm part zombie and freaking drunk!" Doug the Drunken Zombie Dog yelled.

"Eh... You've been here for a while and doesn't really surprises any one before. Plus, really weird things happened here before." Homer sighed in boredom as he had the old DVD player in his hands.

"I see... Well, goodbye than. I going to swing by Luigi's and steal some biscuits and cheese." Doug the Drunken Zombie Dog spoke again as he walked away from the alley.

* * *

It was still daytime at The Simpsons house, and Homer was setting up the DVD player in the TV room as the family watched. Homer finished setting up the DVD player and turned on the DVD player and the TV together as they were watching an Itchy and Scratchy show.

"Hmm... It works very well for a rusty old piece of junk." Homer said.

"I know but that Itchy and Scratchy disc was scratched up good on the last DVD player. Why is it working on this one?" Lisa asked.

"Plus, how were you even able to set it up?" Marge said.

"Some voices in my head told me what to do... Eh... it's probably nothing." Homer watched the show.

"Are you sure about that? It doesn't tell where this thing is made from on this scrap of metal." Bart said.

Suddenly Grandpa Abe Simpson stepped into the room and saw the DVD player.

"That's evil I say! EVIL!" Abe yelled at the DVD player.

"Evil? You said that when the Isotopes lost last year in football." Bart said.

"I just wanted attention..." Abe spoke, looking at the ground.

* * *

It was the next day in the morning and the whole family walked into the kitchen from their bedrooms as they were yawning and stretching their arms.

"I'm going to start the breakfast, so you'll have to... What is this?" Marge said as she and the whole family saw that breakfast was already served on the table.

"Already made breakfast Marge? I didn't even know you can make Chinese food this fast." Homer said as he saw Chinese food served for breakfast.

"I didn't made any of this." Marge said surprised.

"I feel an evil presence in this house!" Grandpa Abe Simpson spoke as he stepped into the house.

"Grandpa. The evil you feel happens to be maple syrup that Bart put on your hair when you were sleeping." Lisa spoke as there were flies around Abe's sticky syrup covered hair.

Grandpa took a taste of the syrup from his hair and said, "Mmm... Evil..." as he drooled on the floor.

"Hmm... I wonder who served all this food." Homer said.

"Not only that... Someone did all my homework correctly." Lisa said as she showed her family the homework done neatly and showed its work.

Marge looked at the basket of clothes near the corner of the kitchen and said, "All the clothes here are folded neatly without a drop of mud on it..."

"My headless action figures are fixed as well. In fact, there were headless because I fed them to the dog." Bart said surprised as he showed the family a fixed Radioactive man action figure.

"Who could've done this?" Marge said looking around the kitchen to see not one tiny mess in any part of it.

"I have an idea. How about we set cameras all over the house. The same person might come again and do the chores at night or morning time again." Lisa suggested.

"That's a great idea Lisa. I'll set them up right now." Homer said to the family with a smile.

As he walked out of the room the family became suspicious of him.

"Uh... did dad just walked out of here without tasting Chinese? Plus, when does he ever do work around the house?" Lisa said.

"Hmm... who knows..." Bart sighed, not caring about what Lisa thinks.

* * *

"Okay. I setup the cameras everywhere in the house. We can see everything through the camera through this TV." Homer spoke as his family saw several screens within the TV screens.

"Hey? Is that your dad?" Marge said. "It looks like the bathroom in the background..."

"Uh Homer... why is he unzipping his pants?" Bart asked as they saw Grandpa Simpson looking like he was going to sit on the camera.

"Is that water on the camera... you put it in the toilet didn't you?..." Marge said seeing puddles of liquid rising towards the camera's screen.

A minute later, the whole family ran away from the TV as Abe Simpson need lose some weight or take a dump, however you want to put it.

* * *

**NIGHT 1#** 12:35:20...

Homer and Marge were in the Master Bed room as the lights were on.

"Well... Tonight is to go to bed and tomorrow is to see who's been doing all these fancy chores for us." Homer yawned.

"Good night Homer." Marge turned off the lamp on the left side of the room as she went to sleep.

"Good night to you Marge." Homer turned off the lamp on the right side of the room as he went to sleep.

12:40:20... 12:55:34... 1:37:09... 2:00:25 ...

"Oh Mindy..." Homer said in bed. "I wonder what it would be like if I marry you instead of Marge and..."

"Marry who?" Marge woke up hearing Homer's voice.

"Huh?... AHH!" Homer screamed hearing Marge's voice. "Uh... marry too... the Cleveland Browns! Yes... That football team! They are one great foot ball team!"

"Uh huh... I'll just... go to bed..." Marge slowly went back to bed as Homer also did the same thing.

2:55:30... 3:20:57... 4:12:03... 4:30:12...

Suddenly in the TV room, the DVD player turned on by itself as a spooky blue glow was activated with it. In the bedroom... Homer stood up from the bed with his eyes close as he walked out of the room like a sleeping zombie...

* * *

It was 7:00 in the morning and Homer was back in his bedroom strangely.

"Homer! Homer!" Marge yelled at his own husband as his eyes opened. "You have to see this!"

"See what?" Homer yawned again as he not sat on the bed stretching his arms.

The family were at the TV room looking through what the camera's saw.

"Look at that one right there!" Lisa pointed at a camera's screen within the TV screen.

"What the heck!" Homer said seeing himself get out of bed with his eyes closed.

"Now look at that camera's screen." Bart pointed at a different camera screen showing Homer making a German Chocolate Cake with the words, "Will you marry me Lurleen?".

"Lurleen? Your still seeing that woman!" Marge gritted her teeth in frustration.

"Uh... Hey look! More stuff about whatever I'm doing!" Homer changed the subject quickly.

"Dad? Is that you doing your paper work early?" Lisa spoke as she and the family, except for Homer, were surprised with a hesitating look on their face.

"Why do you all look surprise? I can finish all my paper work in one day." Homer said.

"Whatever Homer. That seems to be all right now, but how could Homer do all of this?" Bart said.

Abe again walked into the room and said, "That DVD player is evil I tell you! EVIL!"

"Seriously grandpa. Sounds convincing but we pretty much know that it's not really evil and..." Bart spoke until Lisa stopped him for a moment.

"Grandpa might be on to something you know. Ever since dad brought that DVD player, he has been acting weird." Lisa said.

"Well than... I say we should throw it out of this house." Marge suggested staring at the DVD player.

* * *

Homer held the DVD player outside of his house at the trashcans as the dump truck came.

"Thou shall cast this evil away!" Homer threw the DVD player into the trash can and then headed for work at the Nuclear Power Plant.

Suddenly the DVD player in the trash can started activating with a red sinister glow around it instead of a blue glow last time, in fact it wasn't even plugged.

Meanwhile at the Nuclear Plant, Homer was eating donuts from a box in his hand in the hallway of Sector G as he was walking to his office. Homer stopped at the metal doors of his office and looked at the last donut in his box.

"One donut left... I could give this to Carl... Eh, he won't care." Homer took and ate the last donut as he entered the office.

Suddenly Homer screamed as he saw the DVD player which he thrown into the trashcan on his desk of computers and buttons.

"What's this?" Homer spoke again seeing the note on the table. He read the note to himself and said, "Do it again and you'll be cursed forever! Love DVD Player."

"Hey? How did I get here?" Doug the Drunken Zombie Dog entered the office a minute later.

"How did you pass the guards?" Homer said.

"There's guards? All I saw was a bunch of drunken nick-nacks gambling on the floor. Anyway, I just took a nap, coughed out a hairball, and now I'm here. Why's that?" Doug spoke.

"I think it's this curse DVD player... Wait a minute? I thought cats spit out hairballs." Homer said.

"Well... there's this person that not only made me into a zombified continuously drunken dog but also do some weird tricks so for now... you might not want to go to the bathroom for a while... a long while... an year... forever..."

* * *

Homer and Doug the Zombie Drunken Dog (AKA Fluffy, called by Milhouse) were at the house of Evergreen Terrace trying to figure out what to do with the cursed DVD player as they were in the Kitchen.

"I tried everything to destroy this piece of junk!" Doug yelled. "It's even impervious to Mel Gibson's anger problem and believe me... he killed over forty people yesterday."

As they were trying to figure out how to destroy it, Lisa came in with a bag of wood and tools.

"Where are you going with all those tools? Are you building something?" Homer asked.

"I'm going to protest against this bonfire of burning old library books at the woods with Colin. These tools are to make signs." Lisa said.

"Who's Colin?" Homer asked.

"He's my boyfriend, dad. I had a few others you know." Lisa said.

"Boyfriend? Technically, you never liked Ralph and I never thought you were actually dating Nelson at that time... I think you should break up with this Colin guy just for safety reasons... your only nine Lisa." Homer said.

"No way! I'm going to protest against the bonfire with Colin whether you like it or not. We might even marry someday that you'll have to accept him as a son-in-law." Lisa said.

"Son-in-law... I wonder how that will go..." Homer imagined...

* * *

Homer was imagining at the table as he thought what would it be like if he met Lisa's boy friend as an adult.

An older Lisa and older Colin were standing in front of an older Homer in the living room of the Simpson's house.

"Hello there. I'm Colin." Colin said as he reached his hand out for a hand shake.

"Hello? Hello? Say hello to my little friend!" Homer pulled out a shotgun and shot Colin.

"This is the seventh time you did that!" Lisa yelled at his father.

* * *

"Hey Homer!" Doug yelled at Homer as he was day dreaming.

"Uh... What?" Homer asked.

"Were suppose to focus how to destroy this cursed object." Doug said.

"I believe I know a way." An old chinese man stepped into the kitchen.

"You again? I thought you were just a fictional character from that evil Krusty doll story and how did you got in my house." Homer said.

"I'm very real and the front door was open, but that's not what we should talk about. That DVD player has a lot of history on its chip." The Spooky Merchant said. "Said to be made by a mad Japanese person where he lived near Mt. Fuji. Teenagers killed each other just for that one DVD player. Brainwashed the brains of innocent minds. It's also said that it was thrown into an tomb of a dead magician of black arts. Yep, a lot of history on it."

"How do we stop it?" Homer said.

"You got to throw it into Mt. Doom, I mean, Mt. Fuji. Lot's a lava in Mt. Fuji and said that a bunch of samurai's died there. It also..."

"Why do you always tell the history of cursed things?" Homer asked.

"Guess it's a habit. Anyway, watch out for your little dog friend. He'll try to steal the DVD player. He's already corrupted by it." The Spooky Merchant spoke.

"I'm not trying to steal anything and..." Doug said until the Spooky Merchant just vanished out of nowhere.

"Hmm... Off to Mt. Fuji." Homer got up from his chair.

* * *

Lisa and Colin were at the bonfire site in the woods as it was still daytime, people were getting ready to burn books. They kept on protesting along with several other people but the kids, teens, and adults of the bonfire ignored them.

"This isn't working." Lisa said.

"Hey you protestors! You like some beer!" A familiar voice was heard.

The protestors quickly threw there signs away and ran to the one who spoke about beer, everyone but Lisa and Colin. The two looked where the voice was coming from and saw a boy with messy brown hair and sunglasses selling beer along with a few others.

"Hey Lisa? Isn't that some of your brother's friends?" Colin asked.

"That's Nelson, Bashir, and... What's his name again?... I think people just call him by his nickname Handy." Lisa spoke as she and Colin went towards the three of Bart's friends.

"What the heck are you three doing!" Lisa said.

"I'm at my first American Bonfire show!" Bashir said.

"Yes, and that Nelson and I are the ones who started this whole thing." Handy said.

"What! You're the one who started this event? Well than stop it!" Lisa said.

"Hold on their lady. Were selling a lot of money with this. Do you know how much people in Springfield hate books?" Nelson said.

"I and Colin live in Springfield and we love books!" Lisa argued back.

"Hey what's this?" Chief Wiggum entered the bonfire site.

"Chief Wiggum!" Lisa said happily as Chief Wiggum went towards the children. "These three started a bonfire illegally and they are burning books!"

"Bonfire! Burning Books ! Why didn't you say so! Give me a beer, kid!" Chief Wiggum said as Handy handed a beer to Wiggum.

"Like I said, lot's of Springfieldians hate books, like Wiggum over there." Handy said.

"You won't get away with this!" Colin said.

"Hey pretty boy. Why don't you join or get the heck out of our bonfire event." Nelson said.

"I will stop you if it has to mean to destroy the whole thing." Lisa left the three as they started their beer business normally and smoothly again.

* * *

"So this is Japan?" Doug spoke as they were in the Airport of Japan.

"Yep. I hope we don't enter any of those cruel shows again like last time." Homer said.

"Anyway, I have a question. What are these two doing here?" Doug said as Grandpa Abe and Bart Simpson were standing next to the two.

"Were here to make sure you two won't get corruptive by that DVD player." Bart said.

"Yep. I finally thought of a good idea." Homer smiled. "Usually I think of monkeys cleaning each other but were in Japan and that old Chinese guy from the store said that the DVD player can corrupt people... so... I had a couple of guys over."

"Couple of guys? You mean Bart the troublemaker and Abe the lazy slack-off." Doug said.

"Whatever let's just go." Bart said as they, except the drunken zombie dog, walked off.

The dog stared at the three with an angry look.

"They took the preciouses. These humanses will destroy the preciouses. How will I take them out? I'm just a dog..." Doug spoke in a rather strange creepy voice.

Doug than got an idea as he saw a human-shaped robot with a sign with the words, "sale" on it as it was standing next to two scientist and a businessmen.

"Hey you Japanese freak-bags. How much for metals scraps over there?" Doug said.

"A talking dog? Haven't seen them for a while since our last science project." The Japanese Scientist spoke in English.

"Good, you speak English. So how much?" Doug asked.

"It is a lot of money. Were selling this old thing because it's totally unstable with weapons." The Japanese Businessmen spoke.

"Yeah, whatever. Put it on this credit card. I'll pay later." said Doug as he handed Ned Flanders's credit card.

* * *

"Were here." Homer said as he, Bart, and Abe were in front of Mt. Fuji. "Where's the little guy? Doug?"

"Who cares. Let's just hurry up and throw this thing in the volcano. We can look for that drunken guy later." Bart said.

As the three began climbing, Doug was hiding in a pile of rocks with the robot.

"The fat humanses and his groupses took our precious." Doug spoke.

"We must kill them before it's too late! I got it! He will destroy them! Yes!" An more evil voice of Doug spoke.

"Kill them? That does seem better but can we try a little smarter than that? Seriously, we should make it look like suicide or an accident." Original Doug spoke.

"Uh-huh... We should get some ice-cream after this. I heard that the Japanese add chopped up fruit into the ice-cream here." The more evil voice of Doug spoke.

"Really? It's probably expensive. I mean, have you seen the price of the watermelons here? Pretty much everything here is expensive... Hey? What's this?" Original Doug spoke as he grabbed a ring.

He put the ring on the finger of his paws and suddenly he vanished into thin air.

"This ring makes people invisible, huh? You don't see that often but seriously! Where that heck was this when I ruined Steven Spielberg's Bar mitzvah!" Doug spoke as he threw away the ring thinking it's worthless.

* * *

Handy, Nelson, and Bashir lighted a match as there was old library books under twigs, branches and covered in oil as it was sunrise. All the people in the forest were ready to watch the bonfire with smiles and cheers when Handy lighted it with a match of fire. The bonfire started but was ended very quickly as water from a hose took out the flames of the bond fire causing people to become upset and angry. Who did this? Obviously, it was Lisa and Colin holding a hose in their hands.

"Hah! The bonfire is no more! We already threw the matches in the river." Lisa smiled as Handy walked up to the two.

"You just had to end it... You know, you should not mess with me. Unlike other people who are messed with and can cause some bad trouble that could hurt a person, I can demolish a person's heart if I must." Handy said.

"Yeah right." Lisa smiled.

"Yeah right? You say that now, but later... That's going to change little girl." Handy walked away in anger.

"He sounded serious Lisa." Colin said.

"He'll it get over it. Even if he does get payback, it won't demolish a person's heart. I faced with Bart's pranks over and over again and I don't care. What can he do?" Lisa chuckled not worrying about it one bit.

* * *

As the three travel towards the top of Mt. Fuji they heard a voice.

"Hey guys!" Doug said behind them.

"There you are. Come on. We have to hurry and throw this thing in the volcano." Bart said.

"I know a shortcut. It's threw that cave over there." Doug said.

"You mean the cave with the skull marks on top, the "DO NOT PASS" sign, the crows near it, and the dead bodies near it?" Bart said.

"Yes." Doug answered.

"Oh, okay than." Bart gave his answer.

"I don't know... I sense evil afoot." Abe said.

"You said that about the dog when he ate your lunch." Homer spoke. "Anyway, let's follow this shortcut. We can trust Doug for now. I mean, what's going to happen?"

TEN MINUTES LATER...

"How did I end up here!" Homer spoke as he, Bart, and Abe was in the cave, but was also in a wrestling ring with Hulk Hogan as his opponent.

"You're going down flabbernut!" Hulk Hogan tackled the fat man.

"HELP!" Homer screamed as Hulk Hogan began to break to break his arm.

* * *

Back in the woods of Springfield, Lisa was getting ready to go home until she notice someone was missing.

"Where's Colin? Colin!" Lisa yelled for Colin.

"I don't think you'll be seeing Colin for a while." Handy said as he was counting his money.

"What? Where is he!" Lisa said.

"Where is he? I would probably say, 'Who's he with?'." Handy said.

"Huh?" Lisa said.

"Yes, Lisa. 'Huh?'. My revenge was that I got Jessica Lovejoy to date Colin. Not many boys around here can resist her face." Handy smiled.

"You didn't!" Lisa yelled.

"I can, I will, and I did it." Handy said. "Here's Colin right now."

Colin walked towards the two kids as Lisa felt angry.

"Colin! Did you dated Jessica!" Lisa yelled.

"What! No! I... um..." Colin hesitated for a moment nervously.

"Oh yeah..." Handy said, stop counting his money. "Did I forgot to mention that while Lisa was still dating you, that she kissed some boys a few days ago. I don't know... maybe drunk I guess when she was acting a little crazy over vandalism back then."

"You dated other boys! You shouldn't even drink beer at your age!" Colin yelled.

"But I... I... Um..." Lisa hesitated nervously this time.

"Were breaking up!" Colin left the woods by himself, angry as Lisa fell to her knees, sad.

"I hope your happy!" Lisa yelled at Handy in frustration, yet sad also as she grabbed her backpack and left the woods with a tear in her eye.

"Hey kid." Chief Wiggum came to Handy. "Since.. I didn't say anything about this bonfire, even if it was disappointed.. I should get some change.. fifty dollars would do.."

"Fine." Handy gave Wiggum the fifty dollars. "Oh yeah. Before you leave... I think you might want your badge back..."

"Here's the fifty dollars back." Chief Wiggum said.

"Double the money Chief." Handy said.

"Kids today..." Chief Wiggum said angrily as he gave him a hundred dollars.

"Oh yeah... you might want these car keys back... fifty bucks, take it or leave it." Handy showing Chief Wiggum, his car keys.

* * *

In the caves of Mt. Fuji, Homer was beaten many times as Bart was watching the fight between a fat man and a well-known wrestler capable of breaking necks in a second. Homer had many bruises on his neck, chest, stomach, arms, legs... well pretty much everywhere but it soon stopped for a while.

"Hey Hulky! Want this cake!" Abe Simpson said holding a German Chocolate Double Layer Cake with strawberries on top.

"I shouldn't eat that cake. My Japanese manager told me not to..." Hulk Hogan hesitated for a moment.

"Oh come on! It has a rich creamy vanilla in the middle." Abe said.

"No... I shouldn't eat a cake with the best chocolate.. and cinnamon on top.. mixed with.. GIVE ME THAT CAKE!" Hulk Hogan went crazy as Abe ran for his life.

Soon, Abe stopped in the cave and threw the cake in some of the hot lakes. Hulk Hogan jumped into the hot lakes, but were very hot due to the volcano there in. As Abe watched Hulk Hogan falling into the lake, he thought it was over. Suddenly Hogan's arm reached out of the lake with a piece of cake in his hand and then slowly sink into the lakes...

"Where did you got the cake?" Homer asked as he and Bart walked towards Abe.

"There's a bakery on this volcano. Only thing you see in volcanoes on America are a bunch of hillbillies drinking all day." Abe said.

"Uh-huh... Can we just hurry this up. The new Itchy and Scratchy cartoon is going to appear." Bart said as he held the DVD player.

"Also, why do you have the DVD player? Didn't Doug the Drunken Zombie dog stole it?" Homer asked with stress in his mind.

"He had a hard time carrying the thing with his paws so I quickly took it and knocked him unconscious with a rock." Bart said tiredly.

"Let's just get this over with." Homer said as the three were taking the shortcut to the top of Mt. Fuji at nighttime with no more food, wore dirty torn up clothes, and were also tired from the trip to the shortcut.

* * *

Marge and Lisa were talking in the backyard about what happened in the woods as it was still nighttime and were watching the stars from the ground.

"So that's what happened?" Marge said. "Your sad because you lost your boyfriend because of this Handy kid. Well, Lisa... I'm sad too, that I won't see Bart for a while and I'm still doing okay. Still, I feel like I need another boy to take care of... If only..."

Suddenly Nelson, Bashir, Milhouse, and Handy entered the backyard through outer-sides of the house. Not only that, Marge suddenly just ran to them and hug all four with motherly love.

"Okay... When the heck did this happened!" Handy said being hugged by Marge along with his three friends.

"Oh sorry. I just haven't seen Bart for a while. I'll leave you kids alone" Marge said as she let them go and went inside the house.

"Why the heck are you here?" Lisa grunted in little anger.

"Handy here came to apologize. Isn't that right Handy?" Nelson looked at him as he cracked his knuckles.

"Why am I even here to apologize. I can actually beat you up faster, Nelson." Handy said.

"No you... OW!" Nelson spoke as he easily got punched in the face. "That was just the face. You just... OW!"

Nelson now got kicked in the shin.

"I seriously don't get why kids fear you these days." Handy said as he was about to leave. "I'm leaving."

"I think you should still apologize to the lady." Nelson, Milhouse, and Bashir blocked his way.

"You can't beat all of us!" Bashir said.

THREE HOURS LATER.

Handy was sitting on top of the of the weakened and injured bodies of Nelson, Bashir, and Milhouse as he was drinking a glass of juice. Lisa walk towards Handy in frustration.

"You think I'm going to apologize still?" Handy said to the angered Lisa.

"No, but I can still do this." said Lisa punching Handy right towards his face and sunglasses causing him to fall off the injured bodies as he landed on the ground.

"That didn't hurt one bit." Handy threw his broken sunglasses towards the ground. "Your going to have to do better than... oh dang it..."

Lisa knocked Handy out unconscious with Bart's old baseball bat as he finally fell.

"Do better than that? I say you have to do better than that!" Lisa yelled in furious anger.

* * *

Homer, Bart, and Abe were at the top of Mt. Fuji as they saw the searing flames beneath the fiery magma of the very Volcano they stood on.

"Finally it's almost over... What the!" Homer spoke until he was attacked by a robot.

The robot than kicked Homer to the ground and grabbed the DVD player quickly in success.

"Hah!" Doug spoke as he was also on top of the mountain, walking out of a pile of boiled rocks. "You think you can escape that easily!"

Homer saw the unnatural dog laughing, so he picked the robot up easily as Doug stopped laughing.

"What the hell? I thought this robot was state-of-the-art... You can never trust Japanese Businessmen..." Doug said to himself.

Homer threw the robot into the volcano as the machine still held onto the DVD player. Homer, Bart, Abe, and Doug watched as the robot sink into the lava and giving a thumbs up but then he flipped-the-bird, or stick up his middle finger, as he finally melted along with the DVD player. The curse was now no more and...

* * *

"HOLD IT!" The Boy in the Pajamas yelled as he was in the bedroom with his Grandpa. "None of this can't be real except the part of the bonfire."

"Actually it's the exact opposite. The Mt. Fuji part was real, but the bonfire part isn't. That was just a side story to juice things up a little which means that the Handy kid never actually caused Colin and Lisa to break up." The Irish Man said.

"Okay! If this is all real than how do you know this?" The Boy in Pajamas asked.

"I happen to be crazy old drunken zombie Doug if you didn't know that." Doug the old Irish Man said.

"Yeah right. Your human and you don't look drunk, zombie like ,or a dog." The Boy in Pajamas said.

"Technically it turns out that a zombie still needs a live brain, and Irish people happen to be drunk, and that they transfer my brain to an indestructible dog who talks." Doug said.

"Uh-Huh... I'm going to sleep Grandpa." The Boy in Pajamas said as his Grandpa turned off the lights.

"Kids these days." Doug the Old Irish Man said as he walked into the hallway of the house.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Ned has an envelope in his hand as he was sitting at the kitchen of his own home.

"Good... The Bill is lighter than last time..." Ned said as he opened the envelope. "I didn't bought a robot for a thousand dollars! Or a life time supply of Duff!"


	31. Ralph, A Master Criminal Genius

(Feb. 28th 2011, You don't have to read this) I'm back and I've might decide to add a very old thing you don't actually see in today's Seasons of The Simpsons. The old behaviors of The Simpson family. Technically, not much of what I said won't appear in this story but it might appear in later stories. If you don't exactly know what I mean than here is a little example of Lisa Simpson. Lisa in today's Seasons is shown to be a very smart girl, acts like she knows everything, and even acts like an adult rather than her age, but the Lisa in the past season is shown that she acts more like a child than an adult, she can be a little immature, she's still smart though but there is some things that she doesn't know. For an example in past seasons of the episode, Lisa's Pony, she doesn't know that a pony is really expensive and can't afford one, while in today's seasons she probably would know that. Still, I can't make promises but I might add some old behaviors of The Simpson family.

Also, I added some curse words to it to remind you that The Simpsons is still an show for adults since some of you didn't felt right and some of you felt like it should be in Family Guy in some jokes in the past stories I made. Seriously there were episodes like "There's Something About Marrying", "Large Marge", and "Natural Born Kissers" and believe me, they were completely more like an adult episode but still, hilarious. This is just one of my views of The Simpsons, you don't have to make negative comments about this.

* * *

Couch Scene: The Simpsons are tiny little people except for Maggie who's the size of Homer Simpson run to the couch, but the tiny Simpsons make it there first and all get smashed by the Homer-size Maggie who gets there last.

Ralph The Word: I hair smells funny." Ralph said with a smile as there was a dead rat on his hair.

Synopsis: Ralph is evil again but will this be the last or will it continue on?

* * *

Marge, Lisa, and Maggie were sitting on the floors of the living room, folding laundry together as little girl and the baby girl got bored... in fact, how can a baby fold laundry anyway?

"Lisa? Why do you look like you're in a stage of boredom?" Marge said.

"I may have an IQ of 159, but I'm still a nine-year old child. I need fun and excitement!" Lisa said.

"Well... why don't you go play with your friends?" Marge said.

"It's kind of strange having friends. The girls in today's Kid Generation are kind of both friends and enemies to anyone..." Lisa sighed.

"Well... what about Bart?" Marge asked.

"What about Bart? He's the same guy that always tears apart my Malibu Stacy dolls! What does he ever done for me!" Lisa said.

"He's still your brother Lisa. He loves you as a brother just like you love him as a sister. I mean, Bart has done nice things for you last year. Hang out with him for a while."

"Fine..." Lisa sighed.

"I'll go get him." Marge spoke as she left the living room and entered the TV room finding a common thing that happens to Bart a lot with another person.

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer yelled strangling Bart with his arms in rage.

"Homer, can you just stop it." Marge sighed as she was used to this kind of thing happening over and over again. "Why are you strangling Bart anyway?"

"Well it's because... I can't remember because of Bart! WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer said strangling Bart even harder than before.

"Homer! I know I say this a lot, but I think you should bond with Bart, and Bart should bond with Lisa more." Marge said.

"What?" Both Homer and Bart yelled at the same time.

"Marge honey. I bonded with Bart several times and I don't think we should bond further." Homer spoke, letting go of Bart.

"Don't think you should bond further?" Marge yelled in anger.

"You said the wrong thing Homer!" Homer's brain spoke to Homer. "Try to say something right!"

"Uh... I think... I think we should... we should send Bart to the orphanage!" Homer said.

"That's it! I'm out of here tubby!" Homer's brain spoke once again as an imaginary car was driving away within Homer's brain.

Marge soon became more furious than ever as she heard Homer saying the word, "Orphanage.".

"I don't say this too often... but I think I just found how Marge and her father is related..." Homer spoke as Marge's anger continuously grew in her head.

* * *

Homer was at the attic of his own home as he was spending time with his children.

"Okay, kids! Here's some special hobbies of mine I have here, for example... I collect different TV Guides!" Homer said.

"Seen it." Bart sighed in boredom.

"Okay..." Homer getting a little worried... "What about my junk art hobby?"

"You mean that dragon-statue made of Duff Beer cans? Seen it..." Lisa yawned.

"Okay... what about my pictures-of-bullying-nerds collection?" Homer became nervous as sweat started to came on the cheeks...

"We seen it all Homer." Bart yawned. "I know your trying to bond with us which ends up successful and then goes downhill, but this time... you've failed. We've seen everything and were leaving this attic. Go ahead and watch TV Homer old boy."

The children left as Homer felt a little left-out.

"There only children and they've already have gotten tired of their own father..." Homer became sad as he started to walk out of the attic.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a bell was ringing... It was the doorbell of course meaning that someone was at the door. Homer came to the door and kept on yelling, "I'm coming! I'm coming already!" every time the doorbell rang over and over again. Homer stopped as he was finally at the door and grabbed the knob. He opened it and it revealed Chief Wiggum in a civilian clothes rather than his police uniform with Ralph.

"Hi Simpson. I'm going on a second honeymoon with my wife and I need someone to take care of Ralph. The other neighbors say that he's too annoying. Can you actually believe that Ralph is annoying? Seriously, who says that these days?" Chief Wiggum spoke.

"I don't know... I have three kids with me now... Marge is at a spa with a few of her friends and..."

"Friends?" Wiggum interrupted. "How can ladies have friends if sometime that the friend can act like an enemy too? Haven't you seen some chick flicks?"

"Yeah, but isn't that just one of the many typical woman stereotypes?" Homer spoke.

"I'm a dog!" Ralph Wiggum interrupted as he was trying to smell Santa's Little Helper's tail as Santa's Little Helper was trying to smell Ralph's butt, just like dogs do every day.

"See? He's smart because he has dog instincts." Chief Wiggum said.

"Well... I guess he can stay here for a while until you come back..." Homer agreed...

"Good! Well... I'm leaving!" Chief Wiggum ran back to his part of the suburbs as quickly as he can, which was pretty much as slow as he can...

Ralph and Homer still at the front door of the house looking at each other.

"Can the Leprechaun, Jackelope, and Tooth Fairy come in too? If you don't they might burn things..." Ralph said to Homer.

"Uh-huh. Like that's real." Homer went back to his home as he left the door open for Ralph to come in.

Suddenly the grass of Homer's lawn had a little spark of fire on it as Ralph looked at it.

"Oh come on. He didn't do anything!" Ralph said towards the grass of tiny sparks of fire. Suddenly the fire just got extinguished immediately.

* * *

As Ralph followed Homer towards the living room, Ralph notice a closet made of glass filled with Rifles.

"Are those guns made of wood?" Ralph asked.

"That? Yeah, why? There for hunting and protection." Homer said.

"Is that an M14?" Ralph said.

"Uh... yeah... weren't you dropped on your head?" Homer said a little surprised as he knew that almost everyone in Springfield knew that he was dumber than Wiggum or himself. "How do you know that?"

"I don't really know. There's voices trying to get out of my head a lot, but for some reason they stopped."

"Uh-huh... Well come on dumbass... I mean Ralph." Homer said.

* * *

"You'll be sleeping here tonight Ralph." Homer said as he put an old dusty mattress in the attic.

"Okay, but can there be a nightlight when night falls?" Ralph asked.

"Why not..." Homer not caring one bit...

As Ralph stood in the attic with Homer who was making his bed, the child notice some things in the attic.

"Are those TV guides!" Ralph said with a smile.

"Uh... sure... you love them?" Homer asked.

"Do I ever! Is that junk art! I haven't seen them for a while since the toilet!" Ralph said with joy.

"Uh... yeah... um... do you like the Rolling Stones or KISS?" Homer asked.

"Yeah... I hear my daddy hear it all the time when he gets angry over a messed-up or destroyed case during work, especially ones that involve with a suit case filled with donuts and a cup of coffee." Ralph said.

"Hmm..." Homer thought about Ralph for a second of what he could he spend his time with...

* * *

Bart and Lisa entered the Kitchen as they just got back from outside. As they stepped into the room they saw their father building a Gene Simmons Statue out of TV Guides and glue with Ralph.

"And my wife says these TV guides are useless." Homer said proudly looking at the TV Guide made Statue.

"Homer? What's Ralph doing here?" Bart asked.

"Ralph's dad is going to a second honey moon so, his kid here is staying with us." Homer said.

"I see... you sure are having fun with him." Lisa said.

"Yep. And look at all these pictures of us fishing at the lake." Homer said showing pictures of Homer trying to kill fish with a baseball bat furiously with Ralph.

"Homer electrocuted each fish to their death." Ralph smiled as he made electric sounds from his mouth.

"But I thought we were going to go fishing..." Bart said.

"You probably wouldn't want to come. Anyway, were going to plant this steak in the backyard and make a steak tree with it." Homer said holding a raw steak in his hand.

"I thought we couldn't afford steak due to food budget cuts." Lisa said.

"I afforded it fair and square Lisa." Homer spoke as he went near a huge garbage bag in the corner. "Anyway, I'm going to throw the garbage away."

"Is that blood leaking out of that bag?" Bart said.

"What? No! It's... uh..." Homer said as the bag was heavy for him to carry.

"Mooo..oo..oo." A voice of a cow was heard inside the bag right in front of Bart and Lisa.

"Uh... that was me... farting... Yes! I was farting and I need to go to bathroom... with this huge bag..." Homer said trying to move the garbage bag, but every time he did there was a huge kick right in Homer's face from the bag within.

"Mr. Simpson. Do you have a spoon I can use. I need to take my medicine" Ralph asked carrying a bottle of liquid red medicine in his hand.

"A spoon? You don't need that crap. Leave freely like a bird, or a horse, or a cow." Homer spoke.

"You mean the same free cow you slaughtered right in that bag?" Ralph asked in confusion.

"Uh... Got to go!" Homer ran away from Ralph, Bart, and Lisa.

* * *

It was night time and it was time to take a nap till the sun rises, but Bart's sleeping time was quite different from the rest of the family this night. As Bart entered his room in his green pajamas, he yawned but also saw Ralph in his pajamas right in front of him.

"There you are Ralph... What the heck do you want?" Bart said.

"Your daddy said that I can sleep here tonight." Ralph said.

"I see... well, sleep on the floor Ralph." Bart yawned.

"I don't think so." Ralph smiled.

"It's my room, so sleep on the floor."

"I said no! You inconsistent fool!" Ralph spoke in a strange voice with an Australian Accent this time.

"What the? I thought that scrap of metal in your head was gone, because of... well... I haven't heard that voice for a long time." Bart said.

"Well it's me, Marc! You fool!" Marc spoke within Ralph's body. "For so many days, I've been trapped here silenced and now I'm free!"

"Dude... you're in an nine-year old boy that had his head dropped on the floor. How is that free?" Bart said.

"Whatever... anyway, your father is quiet an interesting man. It's strange but for a machine, he's kind of... great..." Ralph's evil side spoke. "I want him as my father!"

"Yeah... you already have a father. Fat ass Wiggum remember?" Bart said.

"Those are Ralph's parents you fool. I am a Marc, a machine has no parents or love, but I feel it because I am also fused to this retarded foul thing. Now, you never speak of this or I will get rid of you! YOU GOT THAT!" Ralph's evil side yelled louder with his Australian accent as he pulled out a pistol on him.

"Uh... yes.. yes.. but what's with the Australian accent. Didn't last time you had some kind of British or Canadian accent?" Bart spoke.

"My voice changes all the time... Now sleep on the floor and stay there!" He yelled again as the little evil machine within the nine-year old boy's body went to sleep on the bed and little Bart went to the floor.

* * *

It was morning time, and Marge was back from the Spa all night, Homer, Lisa, Ralph and Maggie were in the Kitchen back from bed, and Bart walked into the Kitchen.

"Hey boy. Your mother is back and you look well in the morning." Homer said.

"Also, Ralph made us all breakfast." Marge said at the table.

"Ralph? Made? Breakfast?" Bart said.

"Yes... for a child of low standards, he sure knows how to cook." Marge said.

"I'm cooking." Ralph said as his hand was on the heated stove feeling no pain at all.

"Anyway me and Marge are going to see Lisa at her play that she signed up, and you and Ralph can stay here and take care of Maggie. Okay?" Homer said.

"Stay here? With Ralph, but!" Bart yelled but he was interrupted by Homer.

"No buts! Now go ahead and do what your told!"

"Fine..." Bart sighed with his old disappointed look, but then when he looked at Ralph, it started to change into something else.

* * *

It was nighttime and Homer, Marge, and Lisa were back from Lisa's play and stepped out of Homer's car and towards the front door of the house. As they entered, they saw the whole insides of the house becoming a huge mess. The furniture was smashed, the lights were broken, and the floor was covered in junk. They also saw Bart sleeping on the floor with a wooden baseball bat in his hand.

"BART!" Homer yelled, releasing a strong red source of anger from his stress as Bart woke up.

"Huh? What happened..." Bart said.

"Will you explain to me of what happened here?" Homer said holding in his rage.

"I don't know what happened... It was Ralph!" Bart said.

"You expect us to believe that Ralph did all this? He's not that sort of person to wreck the whole house in the inside." Marge said.

"Actually, to be more truthful, it was that Marc guy in Ralph's head." Bart said.

"Again with the Marc thing? Didn't you said that three months ago and Ralph was just acting like his normal self?" Homer said.

"I believe him about this whole thing of Marc, but he hasn't shown up in Ralph's body for three months." said Lisa.

"But it was him! I know it is!" Bart said.

"Did Bart stop fighting already... He was acting like Santa Claus at the mall..." Ralph stepped out from the shadows.

"You won't get away with this!" Bart said to Ralph as the young nine-year old smiled unusually.

"Oh yeah boy? Well you won't get away either." Homer grabbed Bart by the shirt. "Were sending you to military school until you learn!"

"Haven't you already done that?"

"Were sending you to one where you can actually learn you little brat."

Bart was carried away from the house as he looked at Ralph waving his hand good-bye with an evil grin on his face.

As Homer, Marge, and Ralph were outside sending Bart to the car, Lisa was holding Maggie in her hands to see all the damage done on the second floor of the house. She was walking at the hall of the house and saw picture frames broken, a few furniture destroyed, and glass near the corners of the hallway. As she continued walking, she saw something near one of the doors that look suspicious to the wrecking...

* * *

It was Monday and Lisa entered the kitchen as she saw Ralph eating a bowl of cereal. Homer was at work and Marge was at the Spa again, while Bart was of course at Military school... again... As she entered Ralph smiled like he always does.

"Hi Lisa. Watcha doing?" Ralph asked.

"Nothing. I thought it was kind of suspicious when I found this in the middle of the hallway." Lisa said as she held in her hand a bottle of chloroform and napkins. "Not only that, part of Bart's face smelled oddly weird..."

"Smelled weird huh?" Ralph grin as suddenly his head started to rotate slowly like an Owl, but continuously. "What do you mean by that... That you suspect that I was the one who wrecked the whole house, caused Bart to fall unconscious, and frame him?"

"Actually, I never suspect that Ralph Wiggum would do something like this and... Oh.. I see.. Your, Marc.. aren't you.." Lisa suddenly realized what just happened. "What are you going to do?"

"You got that right... What am I going to do?" Ralph's evil side spoke. "I mean, I can rotate my head only once, but this is like forever continuously... Must be something different about Ralph's body compare to the other ones I entered?"

"You won't get away with this Ralph.. I mean evil Ralph.. no, uh... Marc was it... yeah, I think it was Marc." Lisa said. "Plus, you haven't appeared in Ralph's body for over three months. Why now?"

"That's a secret, little girl... but who will believe you anyway? No one has seen me for some time you know." Ralph laughed.

"I'll find a way and then my brother will be free." Lisa spoke against Ralph walking away from the boy and headed towards her next destination, school.

* * *

"I'm telling you that the evil little machine in Ralph's head came back!" Lisa told her friends during recess at the playgrounds of Springfield Elementary.

"That thing hasn't came back for three months. Plus, he looks completely normal to me." Janey said as she, Lisa, Sherri and Terri looked at Ralph near the sandbox.

"I have a new best friend!" Ralph said as a cougar in front of him used it's jaws to carry him by the shirt.

"See. Normal." Janey said.

"When was there ever a cougar in Springfield? I mean there were bears a few times... but cougars?" Sherri said.

"Anyway, Lisa... your probably just crazy. Why not go to a mental doctor or something?" spoke Terri.

* * *

Lisa stood outside in front of the front door of her home as she grabbed the knob. She opened the door and then found a familiar boy to her eyes. It was Bart Simpson waiting for her, who was in a ragged uniform with dirt and scratches on his face. Lisa was surprised of seeing him as she stepped into the house.

"What are you doing here Bart!" Lisa said.

"Is Marc here?" Bart asked.

"No, but you still haven't answered my question."

"I'm here because I think I know how to stop Marc from ever coming back. It took a lot of time getting out of that military school. Anyway, let's go to Dr. Hibbert's."

"Dr. Hibbert office... but why?" Lisa asked.

"Why indeed Bart and Lisa..." Ralph's evil side of him stepped out of the door of the basement.

"Dang it... He must've came through the cellar door of the basement." said Bart as he and his sister faced towards Ralph.

"Heh... I taken care of your mother and your baby sister already. Now it's just you two." Ralph's evil side spoke once again.

"What have you done with the two?"

"Maggie is a baby so I just locked her in her room and your mother is in a place where she won't leave for some time..."

* * *

Meanwhile at The Springfield Retirement Castle...

"Well, I love to stay... but I have to leave to see if my family are okay." Marge said to Abe and Clancy Bouvier as the three were sitting in chairs of a large green room filled with other elderly men and women.

"Oh.. come on.. I just want some tea.. Don't say no to an old man." Abe said.

"Hmm... oh fine..." Marge sighed.

"Oh yeah... can you get me a pillow?" Clancy Bouvier asked.

"Hmm..." Marge sighed with little anger again.

* * *

Bart and Lisa were at the hospital of the 5th floor and stood in front of the door of Mr. Hibbert office.

"Who knew that Ralph's evil side can easily get fooled by a bird? Bart asked.

"I guess that Ralph still has some control in his body." Lisa spoke as the two entered the office.

The two saw Dr. Hibbert writing down paper work until he spotted the two children in front of him.

"What are you two doing here? I don't have an appointment with anyone." Dr. Hibbert said.

"Yes but this is important. Did Ralph had some kind of special red medicine of some sort?" Bart asked.

"Uh... what do you mean..."

"Don't tell me that crap. Do you know or do you not?"

Dr. Hibbert took a deep breath and then spoke.

"I thought this might happen. You see, Ralph came here three months ago because of strange problems with his voice, his behavior, and for being intelligent... I took x-rays and saw some kind of circular machine that thinks like human was attached to his brain." Dr. Hibbert showing Bart and Lisa some x-ray pictures. "We couldn't just remove it from his brain through surgery as it was highly risky so the doctors here made a new medicine that suppresses the thinking of that machine."

"Is that why Marc never took control of Ralph again for those three months?" Lisa asked.

"Yes, but he needed to take it a week otherwise that machine thingy will come back again. Here's a sample of the medicine in my hand." Dr. Hibbert showed the children a bottle of liquid red medicine called "Pure Stress Release".

"Anyway, we need some of that medicine. Ralph's gone evil again!" Bart said.

"Evil? Hmm... I'll join you too." Dr. Hibbert spoke as he pulled a wooden rifle from his desk and loaded them with darts filled with red liquid medicine.

* * *

It still daytime, and Homer just got back from work to sleep in his comfortable warm bed within his little room. For a while, he finally woke up just to get food, but there was a problem. Homer felt like there was something wrong and removed the blanket with his arms just to see his legs broken and smashed. He screamed as he saw his broken legs and suddenly out of nowhere, Ralph came bursting through the door with a book in his hand.

"You bastard... this journal of your life has nothing with me in it." Ralph's evil side came in with a hammer.

"Uhh... Ralph? Are you okay? What's with your voice?" Homer said nervously.

"Enough about me. What about this journal of your life? Why does it only have you having hallucinations of Duff beer instead of me?" Ralph said.

"I was drunk." Homer said.

"Enough... time to go down fat man and..."

Suddenly Bart, Lisa, and Dr. Hibbert bursted into the room with weapons filled with darts of Ralph's Medicine.

"Hold it right there Marcy old boy!" Bart yelled.

"Uh... Bart, he just escaped through the main door of this room." Lisa said.

"Your older brother is kind of slow at times." Dr. Hibbert spoke.

"Must be the old Simpson Gene taking effect. There's more than just being stupid." said Homer without being scared or nervous again.

As the three stopped chit-chatting to Homer, they heard the cracking sound of dishes from the kitchen.

The three quickly ran to the halls, to the stairs, into the front room, and then to the kitchen only seeing the lights broken and the darkness invading the room, in others words... it's just dark...

"There he is!" Dr. Hibbert said shooting at the evil Ralph or Marc if you might say.

The three than saw Ralph's head turning flat where the dart hit him, but they look closer to see a basketball on top of a basket of laundry.

"Dang it. Where could he be now?" Bart asked himself.

"Right here." Ralph answered to Bart appearing right behind them with a rifle in his hand. "I happen to stole this rifle from Homer's gun collection but anyway you can all rest in peace now. In other words your all going to die from this bullet."

"Uh-huh. We get that by the gun." Lisa answered.

"Whatever."

Evil little Ralph slowly started to press the trigger of the rifle as the three stepped back slowly. Suddenly out of nowhere, Ralph just stood there and then fell to the ground with a dart in his back with Maggie holding a dart gun in her hand. It wasn't red but instead it was green.

"Seriously... where does Maggie keeps on getting all these weapons?" Bart asked.

"Toy store." Maggie spoke with one word and then put a little pacifier in her mouth.

"Hmm... This dart is certainly not the red medicine that Ralph needs but it's a type of fluid that will keep him unconscious for the night.

* * *

On the next day in a bright morning, Homer, Bart, Lisa, and Dr. Hibbert were standing outside of The Simpson's house where the police was investigating of what happened. Chief Wiggum and Sarah Wiggum also came to the house to see if little Ralph was okay.

"So, are you sure that Ralph is going to be okay with this stuff?" Chief Wiggum asked.

"For the last time! Yes! This is a more stronger version of the last red medicine I gave. It will last an year unlike the last one that lasted a week." Dr. Hibbert yelled.

"Sheesh... you don't have to yell. Well at least Ralph's back to normal again." Chief Wiggum said.

"I'm a police officer." Ralph said as he was picking his nose with a gun... except this time he really is the true Ralph holding a gun.

After Chief Wiggum and Dr. Hibbert finally stopped talking, Bart and Lisa went towards to Homer who was on a wheel chair do to his broken legs.

"Are you okay dad?" Lisa asked.

"Yes sweetie. The doctor said I'll be alright if I ate some more meat and rest a while." Homer said.

"That's not what I said! I said that you should eat vegetables and relax your mind not your body." Dr. Hibbert yelled.

"Eh, whatever."

"By the way... Is it just me... or did we forgot something..." Bart asked.

"Who knows... it's probably nothing." Homer said.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Springfield Retirement Castle...

"Here you go Mr. Abe Simpson." Marge said angrily as she passed Abe and Clancy Bouvier a plate of pork at the table as it has also been more than one day she's been here in the retirement home helping her father and Homer's father.

"Can you cut my meat?" Abe asked.

"Do it yourself old man! I'm going home!" Marge yelled furiously as she left.

* * *

(EXTRA SCENE)

It was nighttime at the cold allies of Springfield where the Springfield Mafia were chatting to a mysterious person.

"Okay... we got the firearms you needed Mr. M. Now give us what you have." Fat Tony said.

The mysterious person they were talking to was Maggie Simpson who was for some reason wearing an brown coat that was too big for the young baby. Still, Maggie gave the mob the money and the mob gave her the firearms.

"Pleasure doing business with you." Fat Tony said.

* * *

(READ THIS IF YOU READ THE STORY!) The reason why I made this story about Ralph and Marc again is because I just felt like ending the whole evil Ralph thing. I mean at first it sounded funny but I felt like that this little fanfiction story should have the original Ralph so Marc is gone due to medicine, but if I ever feel like returning evil Ralph again than I might make a new story about it.


	32. Maude?

Mar. 12. 2011: I finished the 30th story right now, and I decided do something a little more emotional with a mix of comedy this time. Also, I just made a story guide for The Simpsons Springfield Tales on my profile. Again as a reminder, I sometimes take requests of making a story. Plus, most of the news of these stories will also be done in my profile rather than within my stories. Also, I decided to stop the Ralph the Word Gags I've been adding because I should save some of this talk for Ralph in the plots of some of these stories.

* * *

Simpson Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch and suddenly a blue whale comes from the sky and smashes The Simpsons, the couch.. in fact the whole house.

Synopsis: Ned meets a woman who looks like Maude in everyway but is she truly Maude or just another person?

* * *

Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders were walking through the mall in search of a new oven to replace Ned's last one. As they were walking to find the store who had this product Ned started a conversation.

"So... why are you being so generous about buying me a new oven after my last one that just disappeared Neighborino?" Ned asked.

"Eh, she told me to do it since I 'burrow' some of your stuff after I sold it to Krusty's merchandise company." Homer sighed in boredom.

"You sold it? Well... it's very old and the propane tanks look like they were going to blow."

"Propane tanks? You still use those? I've got electricty for mines." Homer laughed.

"You don't have to be all meanorini about it. Plus, what's Krusty ever going to use my old oven for anyway?" Ned asked.

"Who knows?"

* * *

Meanwhile within the Krusty the Klown merchandise factory south of Springfield...

"So are you sure this is good for an child's easy bake oven?" Krusty said looking at an pink easy bake oven made of the parts of Ned's old oven at the large production room of the factory.

"Of course Krusty. Just leave it to us." Krusty's investors spoke in front of him as they stared at him with suitcases.

"One question? Why does an easy bake oven still needs these old propane tanks. They look like they're going to blow..."

"Were not allowed to answer that."

"Okay... than what about all these other merchandise we have here lying around?" said Krusty.

Krusty the Klown and the investors were surrounded by merchandises made of switch blades, guns, and even dolls made of dead bodies from the lakes as the Investors just kept on staring at Krusty.

"Were not suppose to answer that either." The Investors said.

"What's that ticking noise?" Krusty heard a strange noise.

"Were not suppose to answer that, but I would suggest that you and we should leave this death trap."

"Why?"

* * *

Back at the Mall, Homer and Ned were at the "Store of Houseware" as the two stopped by at the windows of the store.

"I didn't know fireworks were coming this early." Homer said seeing a big explosion south of Springfield, where the Krusty Factory was. "So, Ned? What oven are you picking up? Ned?"

Old Neddy was walking through the aisles of the store as he was looking for the perfect oven.

"Let's see here... I want something good but not that good... What about..." Ned was cut off by a person who accidently bumped into him while holding from three to probably five boxes in both hands together.

It was a woman in a brown coat, wearing a long brown skirt but there was something familiar to this woman in Ned's eyes...

"Let me help you with that..." Ned said nicely as he picked up three of the boxes.

The two stood up as they got all of the boxes, Ned finally got a perfect look at her face and it was definitely familiar.

"M..M..Maude?" Ned gasped seeing a woman who look exactly like Maude in front of him of where he stood.

"Who's Maude? My name is Alice." Alice said.

"Uh...uh...uh..." Ned just stood there.

"Uh... are you okay?"

"Uh... yes, I'm fine Maude! I mean Alice! I mean... uh... you know what I mean!" Ned said.

"Uh... no I don't... I'm going to leave now..." The woman who looked exactly like Maude, but in a different set of clothing, walked away from Ned who was shocked.

"Am I gone insane this quickly after just an year?" Ned said to himself still facing the person where she once stood in front of him.

"There you are Ned!" Homer said running to Ned. "I found the perfect oven. Anyway, we should go fast."

"Fast? Why?" Ned asked.

Suddenly out of nowhere police cars sirens were heard outside of the mall as Homer and Ned looked out the window.

"What did you do now Homer?" Ned asked.

"The manager started it!" Homer whined.

Suddenly the two now heard police dogs barking as the two try to run away from the store and escape the mall only.

* * *

Homer and Marge were sleeping in bed as nighttime stood steady, that was until a certain doorbell rang.

"Homer.. go get it.." Marge yawned in bed.

"Oh.. fine.." Homer stood up and headed towards downstairs of the front door of the house.

He was tired and was sleepy but as he opened the door, he saw Ned in front of him, wearing his usual clothes, in the middle of nighttime.

"I need to have a talk... please?" Ned asked.

"Uh... fine stupid Flanders. Hey Marge! Come Down here!" He yelled towards the second floor.

* * *

Homer, Ned, and Marge were sitting at the table of the kitchen drinking some coffee as they talked about what happened to Ned at the mall.

"You thought that you saw Maude at the mall?" Marge asked.

"Well yes, but she said that her name is Alice but she speaks like her, looks like her, kind like her, and she even smells like the same shampoo that Maude has when she was alive." Ned said.

"You must just been seeing things over the grief of your dead wife." Homer spoke. "Especially when she's one hot fox over the table..."

"Hmmm..." Marge looked at Homer as he looked at her.

"By that... uh... I mean that you're the hot fox over the table..."

"Stop talking about my wife like that Homer! Anyway, I think it's a sign from God." Ned said.

"Don't get your hopes up. I believe God is real and all, but most people who say that they had a sign from God are usually hobo's and bums. In fact, the last time I thought I saw a light to heaven, I screamed in pain as my hair was sticking up in smoke. I kept hearing an electric sound to it also..." Homer said

"What Homer is trying to say that, Maude will always be with you whether she's dead or not." Marge stood from the table.

"You know what Marge! I believe your right. I also believe that I really did see Maude and I'm going to see her again! Homer, as a friend, will you come with me?" Ned asked.

"Fine, but let me bring the shotgun." Homer sighed.

* * *

Homer and Ned stood in the main center of the mall wearing sunglasses, brown coats, and a hat along with them too looking like two disguised men in the daytime. They just kept on standing there until one of them started to react.

"Ned! Look!" Homer yelled.

"What? Is it Maude?" Ned said.

"Maude? Isn't she dead... oh right! We were looking for her. I was just pointing at a half-priced pork chops right over at the small food court. Now if you want to find Maude, you got to go over there." Homer said pointing at a woman who looked like Maude.

"Homer! Why didn't you told me this in the first place?" Ned said.

"Correction! 'Why didn't you told me this in the first three hours'."

"Never mind! Let's just go see if she's really Maude!"

Homer and Ned, two guys following the woman that looked like Ned's deceased wife. As they followed the woman, the two saw her going into a movie theater showing "The Roommate" as they now stooded at the benches of the mall in front of the movie theater's entrance.

"Why is she going to a PG-13 movie? Maude never does that." Ned said.

"Look! There's Maude now!" Homer yelled as a crowd of people stepped out of the movie theater angrily wanting their money back already. It's probably because the movie was really horrible.

"Where's Maude, Homer?" Ned asked.

"Maude? I thought we were looking for that Crazy Cat Lady." Homer pointed at the Crazy Cat Lady throwing cats at several people.

"Homer!" Ned said.

"Fine... let's spy on Maude..."

The two followed Maude several times as she went into organic food stores, Book stores filled with violence and action, and buying a comic book filled with gore. This surprised Ned in many ways while Homer kept on pointing at different people misdirecting Ned to think it's Maude.

* * *

"I don't get it. That can't be Maude at all." Ned said as Homer were sitting at the benches.

"Hello, but why are you two spying at me?" The Woman that resembled Maude spoke.

"AHH! MAUDE'S A ZOMBIE! WHERE'S MY SHOTGUN!" Homer screamed as he ran away.

"Homer! She isn't a zombie! I just told you that!" Ned yelled but Homer didn't came back.

"So? Why were you two spying at me? And why did the fat one called me a zombie?"

"We were just... um... uh... wanted to... A friend wanted to know more about you... like if you know all the words of the bible? Yes! The bible." Ned said.

"I'm Jewish, not Christian and didn't I told you my name is Alice." Alice spoke.

"Jewish!" Ned fell to the ground unconscious.

As time flew by, Ned opened his eyes and saw Homer and Alice looking at him.

"Hey Ned. I got the shotgun but I can't remember why." Homer said.

"Maude... is that you?..." Ned said.

"Maude? Shotgun! Pork on sale!" Homer screamed and ran with a shotgun in his hands.

"Your friend, Homer, is... alright..." Alice said.

"Uh.. yeah.. I almost thought that you said you were Jewish when I..." Ned was cut off by Maude as she helped him up to his feet.

"Uh... stranger, I am Jewish." Alice said.

"You are! This is just diddly dangilly wrong! When have I even used dangilly?" Ned said.

"Relax. There's nothing wrong with being Jewish."

"Uh.. yes.. Anyway, can I um..."

"What?"

"I want to... uh.."

"Speak up."

"I.. I.. I want to have dinner with you!" Ned shouted in front of everyone in the mall as they looked at him.

"What?" Alice said.

"I want to have dinner, so I can learn more about you." Ned said.

"Well... I guess... I have a friend that's having a hard time finding a date... You think that your friend over there can come too? It's going to be one of those double dates."

"Double dates but my friend is.. uh.. sure! He can! Anyway, the name is Ned. Ned Flanders to you." Ned said.

"Well, see you later Ned. I hope nothing goes wrong though." Alice left.

"It won't."

"Hey Ned!" Homer ran to him with "red stains" on his coat. "You got to help me! I shot two guys while the pork were sold out and I don't have any insurance!"

Suddenly Ned gulped as he became a little nervous that Homer wasn't a good gentleman, he's already married, and that you can't let him get near a shotgun... especially when it comes to pork...

* * *

Bart was on Mr. Burns's Mansion's huge lawn, not for pranks or anything, but because he's mowing crabgrass Mr. Burns's lawn with an old rusty lawnmower used back in Mr. Burns's time. Bart did this because he needed money for a new game system and his job at the music store wasn't enough... even though he pretty much just takes money from the cashier...

"Stupid Burns making me mow his stupid lawn.. but it will be worth it after I get my new game system and.. Milhouse? How did you get in here?" Bart asked as he saw Milhouse watching him doing stressful work on crabgrass.

"The gate was left open." Milhouse answered.

Suddenly Bart had an idea to finish the work, a simple idea that anyone could do.

"Say, Milhouse... you like doing work don't you?"

"Yeah... Wait a minute? I'm not going to mow your lawn just so you can get this game system you told me about back in school." Milhouse said.

"If you do it than... I'll let you... have pictures of my mom." Bart sighed in disgust of what he just said.

"Your mom, huh?" Milhouse smiled.

"Y..y..yes.." Bart said in disgust. "Why do you even take a l..l..liking to her anyway?"

"She's still in her young thirties Bart. Most of the other parents are usually like in there forties or higher"

"That's because they had me at a young age... but still! Can you just mow the lawn and we can forget the deal until you finish the job!" Bart yelled.

"Fine.. fine.." Milhouse spoke calmly as Bart left.

As Milhouse mow the lawn with a rusty lawnmower, he saw Martin walking by the gates and had an idea...

"Hey Martin! You like work don't you?" Milhouse chuckled with a grin.

* * *

It was nighttime and Ned, Homer were at a fancy restaurant that was known as "French and Swine". They were waiting for Alice the Maude-Look-A-Like and her friend, sitting at a round table waiting.

"I'm sorry for bringing a date to your married life, Homer." Ned said.

"Don't worry. I'll just lie to them by changing my name and everything will be fine." Homer said. "Look! There they are!"

"Maude? I mean Alice?" Ned said.

"What? No. I meant they brought in lobsters." Homer pointed at two men carrying a fish tank of fresh living lobsters.

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what? There's Maude now!" Homer yelled.

"Like I believe..."

"Believe what?" Alice said in front of them.

"B..b..believe in the.. uh.. Bigfoot. My friend here is a... scientist who studies the paranormal and other mysterious entities that may or may not roam the Earth." Ned said.

"Oh. Anyway, here's my friend." Alice said showing the two men an old blind short lady who was probably near seventy two or seventy eight years old.

"Can we switch?" Homer whispered.

"By the way Ned. You never told me your friends name." Alice asked.

"That's simple my name is.. uh.." Homer's head turned around to look for ideas for a name.

First he saw the pop singer, Jessica Simpson, walking through the restaurant.

"My last name is Simpson and..."

He then saw a man eating at a table with a pet bird, Jay, in a cage.

"Jay Simpson and uh..."

He then saw a Greek Philosopher and Poet, Homer, who was born somewhere in the 8th Century BC during Greek times just wondering aimlessly in the restaurant as if he did not know what he was doing.

"I am Homer J. Simpson... DOH!... Uh... anyway... who are you?"

"I wish I knew..." The old lady sighed.

* * *

Homer, Ned, Alice, and the old lady just sat there silently at the table as if a conversation couldn't start up that easily.

"So.. uh.. who likes guns? You know, I just shot two people yesterday." Homer said.

"We know..." Ned and Alice said.

"Did you know that I threatened the insurance company to hand over insurance with that shotgun. The funny thing is there were no bullets in it." Homer laughed.

"That reminds me when I used guns to beat the hell out of Japanese folk. Not shoot, but beat because we didn't know what the new guns were used back then." The Old lady said.

"Please, tell me about it."

"Uh.. I think we should go." Alice spoke.

"But.. but.. we.. just.." Ned was interrupted for each sec.

"Just what?"

"I think your Maude." Ned said.

"Who? Didn't you told me that in the mall where you..."

"I think your Maude." Ned said.

"I'm not this Maude you're talking about. Sorry but I have to go." Alice left with the old lady who still was talking about Japanese being beat up by guns."

* * *

It was a day at the hospitable and Ned sat at a chair in the waiting hall waiting for Dr. Hibbert. The doctor stepped out with a file.

"Well.. the DNA from the saliva from the cup of your dinner last night compared to Maude's DNA is not a match." Dr. Hibbert said. "They look completely alike but there not a match in anyway. Not in dead or alive, twin or Siamese, or older sister to younger sister. There two completely different people, Ned."

"Do the test again!" Ned yelled.

"You already told us that and we did it more than what you ask for! This is reality and she's dead! She isn't coming back Ned! Face the facts." Dr. Hibbert yelled.

"Facts huh? What I believe in aren't called facts. There called beliefs and my beliefs say that she's alive! Will all be back into one big happy family again!" Ned said.

"What if she's not?" Dr. Hibbert shouted.

Ned just sat there staring Dr. Hibbert who stared at him

"I'm going home..." Ned left the hallway.

"Humph.. Hey.. why ain't I chuckling at this time? Oh well..." Dr. Hibbert proceeded to his office.

* * *

It is nighttime and Ralph was mowing the lawn of Mr. Burns's mansion. Meanwhile Bashir passed by an open gate and saw the boy doing work.

"What are you doing Ralph?" Bashir asked.

"Will you mow the lawn please." Ralph asked.

"Your not the boss of me!" Bashir yelled.

"Mow the lawn." Ralph said.

"Yes sir..." Bashir do as Ralph asked.

Ralph started rolling on the lawn as Bashir started to do work.

* * *

Old Neddy was sitting down at the couch with his two sons of his home looking at an album of memories with Maude.

"Look at that.. there's us at the all Flanders Barbeque waving our hands in the air, there's us hiking on the mountains, and there's our anniversary party together." Ned spoke with a tear in his eye.

"Why's that picture fully black, daddy?" Rodd asked looking at a picture of pitch-black only.

"Oh that one? That's when Homer ate a whole cake and barfed it all over the camera. I wonder why I even put there... Hey, there's a picture of our wedding." Ned smiled. "I remember it just like it was yesterday..."

* * *

In one of Ned's pasts, A camera was focusing on young Ned stood in a tuxedo while a young Maude stood in a wedding dress during their wedding in the church together as the young Reverend Lovejoy read the bible and stood in front of the two with other family members.

"And I now pronounce you two, Husband and Wife. You may now kiss the bride." Reverend Lovejoy spoke, closing the bible.

The young Ned and the young Maude were about to kiss until Ned's father who was old as Grandpa Abe Simpson reacted in crazy ways.

"AHH! I just had a horrible vision!" Ned's father said.

"What now..." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Ned! Your wife will be killed by an angry fat gorilla! And this one's bald! Not butt bald but actually bald!" Ned's dad screamed insanely.

"I liked it better when you used to be a Major in the army. Stupid beatnik..." Ned said.

"Oh my god! I had another vision! The Packers win the Superbowl 2011 and the Steelers lose!"

"Dad. I love the Packers, now can you be quiet." Ned yelled.

"I have another vision! Some black guy becomes president!"

"Okay, now that's a little racist."

"What do you expect? I was like born before World War I ever came."

* * *

"Was my dad psychic?" Ned thought about it for a second as it was now modern times.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Coming!" Ned came to the door from the living room.

He reached his door to knob and open it revealing Alice again who stood at the front door.

"Hello. I understand why you though I was Maude. Homer told me about it that you thought I was your dead wife."

"Uh.. yes.." Ned said.

"Homer also convinced me to have another dinner with you. Just as two friends and no one else."

"That's great, but how did you found out where I live?" Ned asked.

"A little help here Neddy!" Homer yelled as he was inside of his purple car that crashed into part of Ned's house.

* * *

Ned and Alice were at a table in Luigi's restaurant as they sat and wait for their dinner.

"It's a nice restaurant here." Alice spoke.

"Me and Maude come here all the time and.. uh.. yes, a nice restaurant." Ned said. "So.. uh.. what do you think about Jesus? I mean your Jewish and I just wanted to see your views on Christianity."

"I understand well. The man is clearly a nice guy, I must admit that, but I'm Jewish so I have to say he's okay." Alice said.

"Okay? Is that all. The man died to cleanse our sin through a series of harsh torturous punishments. A man would not want to go through all of those but our savior did." Ned said.

"Uh-huh..."

"You really are Jewish." Ned mumbled

"What was that?'

"Oh nothing." Ned spoke until he cell phone was ringing.

He picked it up, pressed a number, and heard a familiar voice.

"Hello Ned. This is an complete unknown stranger who would like to have a conversation with you." A dark mysterious voice was heard through the phone

"Homer? Is that you?" Ned said.

"No why.. 'SLUUURRRP' would it be 'SLUUURRRP' Homer?" The dark mysterious voice was heard again.

"Are you slurping spaghetti again?" Ned asked.

"No.. 'SLUUURRRP'."

"I can see you slurping your spaghetti on a phone." Ned turned around to see Homer wearing sunglasses and a brown coat at another table slurping spaghetti.

"The man you are looking at is not me."

"Than why are you talking at the same time he's talking?"

"Oh forget it! It's Homer Simpson, you got me. Anyway I'm here to help your date go along." Homer spoke.

"Uh-huh. How are you going to do that?"

"Hmm... You know... I haven't thought of that yet..." Homer said.

Ned quickly put up his cell phone back in his pocket as Homer was slurping his spaghetti again.

"Who was that?" Alice asked.

"Uh.. it was my beatnik father. Did you know he used to be a Major who fought in wars. Now he's some kind of peaceful man on crack." Ned said.

"Oh.. I see.."

"You know what else.. He also.. What the?" Ned turned around seeing Homer throwing paper balls at him all scrunched up as Alice was just looking downwards at the table bored.

He picked it up and unraveled and saw the words, "She thinks your boring!" on the paper.

Suddenly another paper ball was thrown to him and he unraveled it to see the words, "Do they sell lobsters here? Mmmm... Lobsters.. 'drool'."

As another paper ball was thrown to him, Ned shouted out, "HOMER!" and stood from his seat.

"Homer? Who's Homer?" Homer stood up from his table with his sunglasses and coat on as he still had spaghetti in his mouth.

"Uh.. Ned.. I thought this was only for two friends." Alice said.

"It is Maude but... I mean Alice." Ned mistaken Alice for Maude once again.

"How many times do I have to say! I'm not Maude! Er.. I'm leaving." Alice left.

Homer came up to Ned as he put his hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry Ned." Homer spoke.

"That's alright." Ned said.

"Yeah, I mean you just got dumped! How did that happened?"

Suddenly Ned turned his face towards Homer with a little anger in his eyes.

"What?" Homer said.

* * *

It was a day at Mr. Burns's lawn again as Lisa was now mowing the lawn with the rusty old Lawn Mower as Maggie watched from the grass.

"How did this happened?" Lisa trying to push the lawnmower.

Suddenly Handy saw Lisa mowing the lawn but couldn't push it at all.

"What are you doing?" Handy walked up to the two.

"This thing is heavy." Lisa said trying to push the lawnmower again.

Suddenly Handy easily pushed the lawnmower as Lisa fell to the ground on her arms and head.

"Wow. Heavy." Handy said sarcastically.

"You know Handy..." Lisa spoke with a smooth sweet voice. "I'm a little weak girl and I can't do all this hard work on Mr. Burns's lawn, but of course your a strong boy. I bet that..."

"Your girl charm doesn't work on me." Handy spoke.

"Really? It worked on the last three boys."

"Not even Jessica Lovejoy's girl charm works on me. If it did, I would use it against her and humiliate her in front of everyone."

"If you do the lawn, I'll buy you a rocky road ice-cream cone." Lisa said back to her original voice.

"Deal." Handy said quickly as he went to the lawnmower.

As Lisa was about to leave he heard Handy's voice again.

"Hey Lisa. Ever thought about using the auto-pilot?" Handy yelled.

"There's an auto-pilot!" Lisa yelled.

Handy turned the lawnmower's auto-pilot button on and it began to the mow the lawn by itself slowly, but it still did the job as Lisa mumbled and left angrily because of a hard time pushing a rusty lawnmower.

* * *

Alice was in the video store of the mall renting the horror film called, "Aliens vs. Predator vs. The Cookie Monster". Strangely, the cookie monster had a gun for some reason...

As she was about to go to the counter to rent it, Ned walked into the video store and went towards her in a hurry.

"What do you want now?" Alice asked.

"I just came here to talk." Ned answered.

"Well this is the last talk. I'm going back to Arkansas tomorrow. I'm only came here to visit my old lady friend."

"I still think your Maude. I don't know why, but I do!"

Alice sighed for a moment hearing the name Maude again as she looked at Ned.

"Ned, I'm not Maude. I'm Alice. I know that you have a very hard time after the death of your wife but your not just going to find her alive again, but she'll always be with you.. whether she's here right now or in heaven.. she'll always be next to you."

Suddenly Ned's cell phone rang. He picked it up and pressed a number and started talking towards the cell phone.

"I see." Ned said through the cell phone.

He hanged up the phone in his pockets and looked at Alice again.

"The boys are at Christian music practice. I got to pick them up." Ned sighed.

"Well.. Good luck Neddy." Alice left the store as Ned watched.

"Th.. th.. that's what Maude used to say." Ned stood as Alice was no longer in the store.

Ned left the store looking at the ground as he heard a familiar voice near the benches.

"I saw the whole thing from here. Are you alright Ned?" Homer stood in front of him.

"I don't know.. I guess that wasn't Maude at all."

"Look at the bright side, your wife is in a better place. You'll be with her soon, Ned, and live as a married couple again as one." Homer said.

"Thanks Homer.. that's nice of you to say that." Ned smiled a little.

"Good Ned. Anyway, I'm going to spend some time with my girl." Homer spoke.

"Can you pass the beans?" The same old lady from the restaurant spoke next to Homer.

"Homer, aren't you already married?" Ned asked.

"Doesn't mean I can't hang out with this old chum. Anyway, your staying with me lady." Homer said.

"That's nice of you young man."

"Young? Thank you. Looks like Marge has a new roommate." Homer said.

Ned watched as Homer left with the old lady. Now he was alone but there was one place he could go.

* * *

Morning awoke in Springfield and Ned entered the cemetery with a batch of roses in his hand while wearing his brown coat and brown hat at the gates. Todd and Rodd stood near the car watching their father stepping into the gates of the cemetery.

"Come on daddy! We need to go to practice!" Rodd said.

"Yeah!" Todd snapped.

"Just wait there for a while. I have to go meet someone for some time." Ned said walking further through the cemetery.

As he continued to walk in this vast graveyard, he stopped at a tombstone with the name Maude engraved to it.

"Hello Maude. It's been some time." Ned said to the tombstone. "I did many things while you were gone. Things that I was proud of and things that I wasn't. I dated ladies while you were gone, met a few that I even felt happy about, and than I met a person who looked and sounded like you, but to me... you were the only one I ever truly loved."

Suddenly the wind flew through Ned as a tear came out of his eye.

"I'll be with you soon Maude..." Ned laid the batch of roses on in front of Maude's tomb. "... but not now... but soon... my true love..."

Ned turned around and started to left the cemetery as two more tears appeared from his eyes.

"Soon..."

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Homer and Marge are in bed during the nighttime.

"Marge? If I was dead... would you still love me?" Homer asked.

"Of course Homie but I have one question?" Marge asked.

"Yes Honey?"

"Why is that old lady in the middle of our bed?"

"Is that you sheriff?" The Old lady spoke in the middle of the bed.

"Good night." Homer said turning off the lights.


	33. Why Thou Shall Feel Guilt?

(Mar. 21 2011) Hello and my story just made it past 200,000 words because of the 31st story. Isn't that impressive for a Simpsons Fanfiction? I also just realized that I did not made a story about Maggie. She's like one of The Simpsons and I did not made one a story about her. Well, I did now. Anyway, I have so many ideas for stories that I had to put instead of one, but two in a story. Usually one of these ideas becomes a side story. Anyway, as usual I can't promise anything, but I thought about making a Superhero three segment story and I was thinking about doing this request of a certain reviewer... but like I said, I can't promise anything... this is because I just have too many ideas I have for stories that I have to list them down to remember. I just recently though of an ideafor a story where there's an huge and weird car chase and an idea for Homer's half brother, Herb. Another reason why I can't keep promises is that I also have other things to do besides writing Fanfiction.

Also another thing... has anyone actually seen Moe get drunk? I mean you see Moe drink beer but never get drunk? I thinks that strange because he works in a bar and happens to do stupid or crazy things all the time, like most Springfield citizens do. Plus, has anyone seen the Cheech and Chong episode? That episode has got to be the worst of the 22nd season by now.. they could've done better than that, but it also felt like there were deleted scenes in there. Also, was the Bart/Peter Pan scene really neccessary? They could've left that out and added more better scenes to strenghten the plot. They should've shorten the hallucination scene and the jokes weren't that good also... A little advice if they want good jokes, they got to think what's funny to them but also funny to the viewer or the fans. Not only that, something in the voice acting feels missing or wrong, not just in that episode but since season twenty... I don't know what though...

* * *

Couch Gag: A group of tourists enter an aquarium and see The Simpsons as mermaids in a tank surroudned by fish. Homer as a king mermaid begans eating the fish though.

Synopsis: Lisa makes a hybrid fruit that could impress millions of people but to do this, she had to get a type of illegal material that makes her feel guilty which somehow affects Bart as well. Meanwhile, Homer meets the Springfield Mafia once again and Maggie has to take care of the situation.

* * *

Lisa was walking through the hallway of Springfield Elementary as she was holding her books with both arms together. It looked like a normal day for her at school that is until a crowd of kids were smiling around a boy in front of a certain door that appeared in front of her blue eyes (it's also said to be gray).

"What's going on?" Lisa asked Janey, one of her friends, looked at her.

"Bart started one of his pranks again." Janey answered as her head was paying attention to Bart's pranks rather than her friend.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Let me show you an old classic for today!" Bart said in front of the crowd of kids but Lisa also seemed to have a little anger in her eyes seeing another of Bart's pranks.

She always had this kind of thing. Sometimes had boredom but at other times just anger or feeling worried.

Suddenly the door with the words "Principal's Office" that was in front of Bart and the crowd of children had a person named Seymour Skinner who tried to nudge it in the inside but it couldn't open.

"As we see here my old chums. The door is locked for a stink bomb to appear, but there is one little difference here." Bart spoke with a smile. Suddenly he hold a detonator in his hand as the children looked at it. "I have here a detonator that can be used to activated a stink bomb 6 times its own smell and force together!"

"Bart, just throw down the detonator. It's pretty much the same thing of your old pranks. Just slightly bigger." Lisa sighed not being impressed one bit."

"Uh... let me see... hmm... No!" Bart spoke back to his sister. He then pressed the detonator and Skinner was screaming as the door fell down by itself due to the stink bombs force.

The children were impress even more but then suddenly they stepped back due to smell of the stink bomb within Skinner's office. Skinner slowly stepped out of his office as he looked tired, sweaty, and smelled worst than a skunk.

"Brains..." Skinner walked out of the office like a disgusting smell of a zombie. He than fell down tiredly.

"And we have our stinkpot." said Bart as the crowd of children clapped their hands, everyone but Lisa.

"That wasn't impressive at all, Bart." Lisa said with her hands crossed together.

"Uh-huh. Why's that?"

"Because every time you pull a prank in this school, you prevent this school from receiving large fundings, new school books, and you made the music teacher go to a mental hospital for pity sake!" Lisa spoke angrily.

"That's what I do. I'm Bart, not you sis. What you do is completely out-of-style and doesn't impress anyone." Bart said.

"What I do? You never support anything what I do! You never care one bit! It takes hard work to impress people! Not one of your simple-minded pranks, Bart! Here! I have a book of science experiments you can use!" Lisa argued as she handed Bart a science book.

"Uh-huh... I'll use that book for toilet paper... and that crowd of kids just now says otherwise about your whole impressing thing talk." Bart not caring one bit of what Lisa said as he swiped Lisa's science book.

"That's it!" Lisa yelled, pushing Bart to the ground with both her hands together.

Suddenly as Bart came contact to the grounds of the school, a pocket knife fell out of his shorts and bounced to the floor. The pocket knife than bounced into the air and went straight to the chest of Willie who was about to mop the floors.

"AHH!" Willie screamed as there was a pocket knife stabbed right into his chest. "AHH! This is like my nightmare I had once! Except it's an axe on the back and not an knife in the chest!"

* * *

Lisa walking through the neighborhood after school gripping her backpack angrily just because of what Bart did and said.

"Stupid Bart... thinking he's just great because of thousands of pranks... since he was born..." Lisa said walking on the sidewalk.

She kept on walking and walking towards her house until she noticed a house that she didn't knew in the suburbs. It was a beautiful house with a large lushes garden on the lawn with different types of flowers. Lisa did not only notice the house not being there but she noticed a woman who wore a headscarf, a long skirt, and a short blue jacket around her long purple shirt as she was watering the plants. Lisa seen her before a few times somewhere...

"Aren't you Bart's Art Teacher, Ms. Flora?" Lisa asked towards Bart's Art Teacher.

"Yes, why?" She asked.

"You have nice plants there and I never seen those." Lisa spotted an unfamiliar plant.

"Your joking right? That's the one of the most famous roses ever existed in the world." Ms. Flora bragged.

"Hey. I may be a smart kid but I happen to still be a nine year old child. In fact I happen to still play tea parties and have slumber parties like any young girl would. I even chat with my dolls when my friends aren't around." Lisa said.

"True... anyway, that's the Peace Rose. It's cross-pollinated by two other flowers. This means it's a hybrid."

"I know that. Don't rub it in because I'm nine..." Lisa said disappointed.

"Hmm... is there something on your mind. You looks tense and angry today." Ms. Flora asked. "How about you come in and have some milk and cookies."

"I maybe nine but I have the IQ of... oh what the heck... you only live as a kid once..." Lisa smiled as the two entered the house for a snack.

* * *

Lisa explained what happened in school to the kind Art teacher listened. The nine-year old began to chow down her snack fast like most kids would.

"Your saying that Bart doesn't care about you one bit? I find that wrong..." Ms. Flora said.

"What? What do you know?" Lisa said in discomfort.

"Bart is jealous of you at some points. He tells me that your smart, lucky, and will have a bright future of The Simpsons family... he says that it's just this Simpsons gene he mentions all day... so his baby sister.. um.. Maggie was it?.. could also be a success too. In fact, he does care about you Lisa like any older brother would to his younger siblings." Ms. Flora said.

"Eh, people changed. He may have done nice things in the past but I bet he's change. Like the old saying, kids shoplift a toy now but when their older they start robbing stores with a gun." Lisa ignored Ms. Flora's statements.

"But your brother does care about you. He told a presentation about you."

"What does presentations ever prove? Businesses and usually a bunch of rip-off pranks like Bart intends to do this year. He cared for me last year like I cared for him. What does he do now? He starts modifying his classic pranks into first class material. What the heck do you know about caring about loved ones anyway?" Lisa eating more cookies to try to drown the anger in her hard bones.

"I was married once and had an older brother you know. My husband died of a heart attack and my older brother fought near the ends of the Vietnam War." Ms. Flora said slowly with a pinch of sadness to her lips.

"Oh... I'm really sorry? What did your brother died of anyway?" Lisa asked

"His unit said he died as a hero but in an unusual way.. I wonder what the guys back than meant?" Ms. Flora asked herself?

* * *

Vietnam 1971... Ho Chi Minh Trail...

"What do we do Sarge?" Private Tamsee Flora yelled to Sergeant Skinner and the rest of his unit of both Americans and South Vietnamese were hiding in cover of a large log because of a large army of North Vietnamese in the way as the small number of troops were trying to capture the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

"We just sit here and wait until everything is over! Plus aren't you like sixteen or seventeen?" Skinner yelled.

Suddenly Australian and New Zealand Troops walked towards the Americans as they used the log as cover..

"Are you here to help us?" Sergeant Skinner yelled.

"Not really... we just got a call back in home country to remove all Australian and New Zealand Troops off of Vietnam. Good luck though, trying to take over the Ho Chi Minh Trail." The Australian Troops spoke as the Australians and New Zealand's left the battlefield.

"Now what do we do Sarge?" Private Tamsee Flora yelled again.

"We could just charge over there through the whole battlefield against the whole damn North Vietnamese Army!" Sergeant Skinner said sarcastically.

"Okay Sergeant!" Private Tamsee Flora jumped out of the cover and began to charge at the large army with a rifle.

"He does know that you said it sarcastically... right?" One of the American troops said.

"Should we go there and help him?" Another of the American troops asked.

"Nah... let's just stay here and wait. We Americans always win no matter what..." Sergeant Skinner said.

"Uh... I think he just got his hand blown off." An American troop said looking above the log.

"Oh... that's got to hurt! He just got part of his leg burned." Another American troop spoke who also looked above the log.

"Oh shit. He's going to be trampled by that elephant! Oh too late." Another South Vietnamese soldier in the American Unit said as the whole unit looked above the log. "What should you do Sarge?"

"Like what Americans always do when seeing a person's death. We lie to their loved ones that they died a hero rather than that... brutal way..." Sergeant Skinner spoke as he waved his eyes back and forth.

"Oh God! Vietnamese Gorilla's are tearing out his intestines!" An American troops yelled.

"It's better than that New Coca Cola they sold..." Skinner mentioned

Suddenly the Americans and the South Vietnamese agreed with each other

* * *

Lisa and Ms. Flora were at the table looking at each other thinking of what might have happened to Ms. Flora's older brother... Suddenly Lisa got an idea that could impress people as she looked at the plants through the window.

"Ms. Flora! What if I could create a new type of hybrid plant! People would have to put me in magazines!" Lisa smiled with a great idea in the palm of her hands.

"Uh... yes... but I think we really should talk about your bad sibling relations with your brother and that..." Ms. Flora spoke quickly but was cut off as Lisa suddenly just left the house in a hurry... "Why do I even bother..."

* * *

Several days later in a home-made garden in the backyard of The Simpsons house. It was morning and Lisa stepped out of her house to the backyard to see her progress of a new hybrid fruit, but all she saw was a garden of dirt and nothing else.

"I don't get it? Maybe watermelons and oranges just won't turn into a hybrid. Oh well..." Lisa frowned

"I think I can turn that frown upside down." Bart spoke behind her with a plate of cake.

"Oh, what do you want? Came to do one of your stupid cheap pranks again?" Lisa frowned further.

"Nope. I know a guy who can help your little project. It's in downtown Springfield and he only comes at the darkest night that appears."

"But isn't that when Springfield becomes dangerous than ever. Why do you think Apu brings a gun to the Kwik-E-Mart during 24 hours?" Lisa worried.

"So what? I go at night all the time." Bart not worried one bit. "Anyway, you want some cake? Here's a knife and fork."

"Sure, Bart. I would love some cake." Lisa spoke as Bart did turn that frown upside down.

Even though Lisa grabbed the plate of cake, a bee suddenly came towards her head. She tried to get the bee away from her with her hands but this caused her to drop the cake as a knife was thrown into the air. Suddenly a scream was heard.

"Not again! Whoever yer are! Yer in mighty trouble yer rascals!" Willie yelled in pain as another knife stabbed him in the chest.

* * *

Meanwhile, Marge wore a short dark green jacket that and held her brown purse as she was about to leave the house for some time. Suddenly Homer noticed the clothes and the purse and wondered what's she's doing.

"Uh... Marge? What are you doing this time around?" Homer asked.

"Humph.. I told you over fifty times! I'm going to my family reunion and you agreed that you were going to take care of the kids! Why do I even bother..." Marge sighed.

"Hey! I can take care of the kids too! You can go to your family reunion and I'll do the same things you do."

"Are you sure you can do all the housework?"

"I've seen you do it. How hard can it be?" Homer asked.

"Hrmm... fine... I guess..." Marge left the building.

Homer than suddenly heard a sucking noise and turned around to see little Maggie on the ground as she was sucking on her pacifier.

"There you are little.. uh.. Magster? No.. that can't be right.. Let's see here.. oh yes! Maggie! Hey there little Maggie! Aren't you a good little girl. Yes you are! Yes you... are?" Homer smiled for a moment until he stopped.

Suddenly out of nowhere Maggie pulled out a double barreled shotgun to his face.

"Wait a minute?" Homer looked at the baby with the shotgun. "When do I ever have shotguns in the house... usually I have those flamethrowers downstairs I bought an year ago at the black market.. also known as Wall-Mart... Hmm... I wonder if they still sell those mines..."

Suddenly Homer heard the noise of the trigger of the shotgun that was about to be used.

"Oh right! Baby with the shotgun... wait a minute... BABY WITH A SHOTGUN!" Homer screamed as he ran outside of his house and into the peaceful suburbs.

"CRAZY MANIAC WITH A SHOTGUN ON THE LOOSE!" Homer screamed out loud.

Suddenly everyone in the peaceful neighborhood started screaming, prepare for defenses, and had their own shotguns too as peace was disrupted by local idiot, Homer Simpson.

* * *

It was 12:00 as Bart and Lisa were now in the dangerous and dark streets of Springfield. Bart wasn't worried at all but Lisa was scared as she saw larceny, strangers all around the streets, and Mayor Quimby paying strange woman. Not even Lisa, the smartest girl in her class, understand why Quimby was paying woman in strange clothing and overuse of makeup.

"Uh.. Bart.. I want to go home.." Lisa shivered as the two walked on the streets.

"Relax scaredy cat. Were right here. It isn't so scary right now... We just need to go to that silent dark alley which a lot of people say that a deranged lunatic came back from the dead and entered there every three days to carve the victim's blood on the walls of the alley that says, "I'll be back!".

"You know what Bart... I think I'll just go home and..." Lisa spoke as she was about to leave until Bart stopped her

"Hold it sister. You want that plant of yours to be a success or not?" Bart spoke as he grabbed her sister's arm with a strong grip.

"Okay.. but your hurting my arm.." Lisa said.

"Oh, sorry." Bart let go of her arm.

The two entered the dark alley and saw a large white van.

"Hey. I don't see any blood that says, 'I'll be back' on the walls." Lisa started to calm down

"That's because it behind you and Bart." Handy spoke, opening the Van's side door revealing different types of merchandise behind him..

Suddenly Lisa worried a little more.

"Hey there's a large smudge on the wall." Bart spoke as he removed the smudge on the all behind them with his hands that says, "And Kill anyone who enters the ally!"

Suddenly Lisa stepped back in more worry and stress as she felt a type of fear in her bones.

"Let me guess... First time being in the darkest time of Springfield?" Handy spoke to Bart as a man stepped out of the van who wore a suit.

"Um.. Bart.. what's Handy doing here.. and who's the guy in the suit?" Bart spoke.

"I'm here because I sell stolen merchandise at a cheap price than what the stores here have. I'm actually making a good profit" Handy spoke. "Oh, and my parents are rich that they hired some butler named Hines for protection. He can't tell what I'm doing because I found out he's dating my husband's sister."

"Your rich? You don't look rich. You look like you came from the garbage can. Plus your selling stolen items." Lisa spoke.

"Yeah, well... I hate being rich and settle more on the poor streets. Plus it's fun to sell stolen stuff. Anyway, what can I do you for. You want the Bills of Rights?" Handy showed a stolen Bills of Rights from his van.

"Uh.. how did you got that? That's not the real one is it?" Lisa said.

"Don't want to buy it huh? What about the Olympic Torch?" Handy showed the two the actual Olympic Torch.

"Nope."

"Hmm... what about Belgium Chocolate Cigarillos?"

"Were kids! And how did you even got Belgium goods?" Lisa asked.

"I know a guy..." Handy stared at the two

* * *

Three days ago, night time, in a different dark alley, there stood Handy and his butler in front of a man on the floor who was beaten badly.

"Where the heck is the goods?" Handy, a kid, yelled at a full grown man on the floor who had a bleeding nose and some bruises.

"Honestly, I don't know!" The Man on the floor cried.

"You better tell me, or my guy next to me is going to beat the hell out of you right in the eye this time!"

Suddenly the butler raised a baseball bat in his hands as he gripped it tightly.

"Okay! Okay! There in a storage area, west Springfield near the abandoned gym!" The man cried on the floor.

"Good. I was about to pull out my switch blade but... wait a minute? Where the heck is my switch blade?" Handy asked himself.

Suddenly Willie came in to the alley as he was bleeding.

"Here you go you ungrateful weasels." Willie came as he held a switchblade as blood covered on the tip of it. He had a wound on his shoulder as well.\

"Uh.. wait.. how did you got hurt by the switchblade without me noticing?" Handy asked.

"How would I know I would... Infact, I'm not even in supposed to be in this flashback with a knife." Willie said.

* * *

"Like I said. I know a guy." Handy spoke. "Now what do you need?"

"I need something to create a hybrid plant or fruit of some sort so I could impress people including pranksters like Bart that hard work is the answer of success." Lisa answered.

"Like that will ever happened." Bart sighed looking at his fingernails.

"I see... I got the perfect thing for that. Plutonium." Handy said as he got a box of highly dangerous material in the palm of a kid.

"What? Plutonium?" Lisa yelled.

"Isn't that the same stuff that dad used for his little tomacco business?" Bart asked.

"Still! Terrorist, Communist, and Fascist would want that kind of thing! You just stole something highly illegal! You could get a punishment worst that juvenile, Handy." Lisa yelled back.

"Uh-huh. Whatever... Do you want it for your little hybrid experiment so you can impress the world or do you want your old brother there to prove that hard work is a sham?.. which is pretty much the truth.." Handy asked.

Lisa started thinking about herself if she wanted to impress the world through plutonium which criminals and dictators wanted through a number of years in the world since World War II... She felt stress through the mind as she looked at the ground and finally she spoke.

"Well... I don't know..."

"One chance... One chance only sis..." Bart said.

"Here's the cash!" Lisa handed all her money quickly to Handy as he grabbed it in a way that made him look like he was in a hurry.

"We never met." Handy whispered to the two as he shut the side doors along with his butler of the van.

The van started to drove away from the alley as the siblings watched. Lisa started to look at the box of plutonium feeling guilt in her bones with the usual frown she has these days, but Bart had a smile instead of a frown for not even plutonium can make him feel guilt... or maybe it can...

* * *

Homer stood in Maggie's room as night still rose in the sky, but there was something unusual in the room. Homer was wearing a bullet proof vest as he carefully walked towards a crib where Maggie slept as she was hugging a pistol in her hands as if it was a doll. Homer stopped as he now stood in front of the crib and slowly grabbed the gun in Maggie's hand. Suddenly a door bell rang and Maggie woke up as she pressed the trigger than it shot a doll of Elmo's head which could've been Homer right there...

"Elmo got a gun." Elmo sang as he just been headshot.

As Maggie awoke, Homer went down stairs to see the doorbell ring. It kept on ringing and ringing over and over again causing Homer to keep on saying, "Okay! Okay Already! I'm Coming!", but as Homer opened the door... he saw the Springfield Mafia in front of him, including Fat Tony of course.

"Uh.. Fat Tony? Um.. what are you doing here?" Homer worried.

"I believe you forgot to pay you bill." Fat Tony said.

"Pay a bill? I didn't made any deal with you. If I made a deal with the most villainous crime syndicate in Springfield, I would remember something like that!" Homer yelled.

* * *

A month ago at Moe's Tavern, Homer was drunk as usual at the counter table as Fat Tony chatted to him.

"You know.. It's been an year but I wanted to say this to you for a long time! I liked the old Fat Tony better! Not some new boy on the streets." Homer said drunkenly to Fat Tony.

"Whatever. Now do you want to make a deal or not?" Fat Tony asked. "You said you needed help paying off your mortgage bills and I'm offering you a loan."

"Sure thing Krusty.. If you come to my baby girl's birthday tomorrow.."

"Eh.. Deals a deal. I'll go to Margret's birthday party." Fat Tony said to himself.

"Margret? Who the heck is Margret?"

"Uh.. Homer.. that's Maggie's other name." Moe came into the conversation as he cleansed an empty glass with a towel.

"Who the hell are you? Wait.. Who am I?" Homer fell to the ground.

* * *

"And I did what you asked. I even gave Maggie some guns for a birthday present." Fat Tony spoke.

"Wait? That's where all those guns came from?... Why didn't I got any?" Homer argued.

"Look here Homer!" Fat Tony gripped tightly to Homer's shirt with a fierce look in his eyes. "If I don't get the money tomorrow. I can be a nice guy or I can be the guy who will put a bullet in your intestines and make you spit it out. You got that!"

"Uh.. Yes sir..." Homer trembled to fear staring into Fat Tony's cold pupils within his fiery blazing eyes.

Fat Tony left the house as Homer slammed the door, but not only that... Maggie watched the whole thing from the staircase. She looked worried and started hearing noises from Lisa's room. She entered it and did not see where the noises was coming from... instead she looked through the window and saw Lisa holding a box of plutonium, which Maggie had no idea what it was, for her experiment. Maggie saw Lisa also being sad and guilty but still had no idea what's going on.

"Oh.. is this right to have fame through the use of a illegal and dangerous substance! This is against in everything I believe in!" Lisa said alone standing in front of a watermelon and an orange in front of her in the garden. "Oh... why me!"

Lisa poured the substance of illegal material into the garden as another person watched her. Bart Simpson that is, in his room.

"What's this strange feeling I have all of a sudden and why does Lisa have an orange in the ground of a garden? Even I know that's grown in trees, but still... this feeling? I can't get it off!" Bart talked to himself.

"It's guilt Bart." Homer said as he carried Maggie in his hands in front of his door.

"What are you doing here?" Bart said.

"Oh.. I just founded Maggie in Lisa's room and then I saw you worrying about something in the window." Homer sighed.

"You got problems too? Lisa's feeling guilty also..." Bart sighed.

"Yeah... I have problems, you have problems, Lisa has problems... We all have problems... Well.. um.. goodnight.." Homer left the room.

Bart than turned back to the window and saw her little sister weeping a little.

"Why is the guilt becoming stronger..." Bart said to himself.

Then he turned his face towards a book of scientific experiments that Lisa gave him since that prank he just had. He suddenly had an idea as he has a more serious look with a little spark in his mind.

* * *

Lisa suddenly woke up as it was morning, but she also saw something wrong here... she was in a poison gas chamber as she was tied to a chair in front of a judge.

"Lisa Simpson. You are here by executed through the use of illegal weapons by death!" The Judge said closing the door.

"But, but! But please!" Lisa yelled.

The Judge stepped out of the gas chamber in a room filled with people and Spider Pig who wore a suit for some reason watching Lisa through a large bullet proof windows of the chamber, the Judge pulled down a lever, and the execution began...

Lisa screamed for a moment, but then saw herself in a different place... her room in her bed with her pajamas on. It was all a dream, or more like a nightmare, because of plutonium that was illegal required.

"Oh.. heh.. heh.. that was.. not funny at all..." Lisa frowned as she stepped out of her bed.

Lisa stepped out of her house with her usual clothes as morning shined and entered the backyard to go check out the garden for any results and yet still did not felt right about it. She saw a small yellow-colored watermelon. She then picked out a knife and cut it open to see perfect results as there was orange juices within the melon... and yet, she did not felt surprised, happy, or cheerful... just more guilt added to the old guilt...

"I guess.. I'll go to that science fair at the school science fair I heard about.." Lisa chuckled a little but only pretended. "It's better than what Fidel Castro done at least..."

* * *

Meanwhile in Cuba...

Fidel Castro was in his office getting all his work off his desk as suddenly he paused for a moment.

"Is there something wrong Fidel." A Cuban Secretary entered the office.

"I just had the strangest thought that all my achievements were compared to a little nine-year old girl who has to do... with.. let's see.. plutonium.. Man, when did everything gone wrong with this country?" Fidel sighed.

"Hey. It's better than what Kim-Jong Il's been doing. He spends his funds more on military power than the starvation of his people." The Cuban Secretary spoke.

"I also just has another thought... 'Where's Waldo?'. Man, I need a vacation after over 600 attempted assassinations..." Fidel Castro sighed.

* * *

Lisa was in the school's gym along with other brainiacs and there science project as there models, cause and effects, and reports stood on tables. Lisa just continued to sigh with the guilt as Ms. Edna Krabappel, Mr. Tall, and Mr. Nental went to judge her report. Her science project was covered by a blanket as Lisa felt so guilty of using plutonium that she doesn't even want to see it.

"What do we have here, Lisa Simpson? Is your project bad as the other ones because.. Not even I who destroy a person's mind easily can compare to their monstrosity." Mr. Nental said in disgust as Lisa noticed some odd things about everyone's science project.

"Huh?" Lisa looked towards everyone's project that was destroyed in the science fair.

"It's true... Suddenly at first they look organize and the next... K-BAM!" Mr. Tall, Bart's science teacher, spoke.

"Can we just hurry this up? What do you got there Lisa?" Edna asked.

"I got... wait a minute?" Lisa unveiled her project but there was a big difference.

Her project was replaced by a jar of weak home-made gunpowder. Even her report was replaced.

"Gunpowder? Isn't that illegal to bring to a school." Mr. Tall said.

"Springfield replaced that law last year. Now it's replaced by a law that says you can't bring glue to school. It's because of a kid ate too much he had to go to the hospital. I think his name was Ralph or something" Edna said. "Still Lisa's project is actually interesting for once. Gunpowder is something people haven't done for a long time in a science fair and more importantly that..."

"Hold it! I think it's kind of strange that Lisa's project is the only one that's organized... while others are messed up... Lisa? Do you have to do with any of this?" Nental looked right in the eye with a creepy smile.

"Uh.. um.." Lisa shivered.

"Hold it there teach. I did it." Bart walked in the conversation.

"Well... if you really did it. Why didn't you wreck your sister's project?" Nental asked with a thin grin on his face.

"Well.. um.. you see.. the thing is.." Bart shivered as Nental scared him a little with his strange grin.

"I hid my science project secret where Bart can't find it.." Lisa answered to Nental's question.

"Whatever..." Nental stopped grinning as the teachers didn't care either. "I have more important things than this. Here's, a ribbon... I expected something more.. embarrassing or at least dark somewhat.. but.. it's just caring for one another.. the oldest always taking care of the youngest.. well hmm.. technically it's the other way around when it comes to Lisa but still, boring..."

Two of the teachers left as Edna gave Lisa a blue ribbon. The last of the three teachers started to leave and Lisa looked at Bart with a positive reaction on her face.

"You made that project and report all by yourself didn't you, Bart?" Lisa said in slight joy.

"No way... why would I... okay, sure I did. Took me all night to plagiarize the thing after that science project book you gave me." Bart said.

"Well at least you care like what an older brother should do, just like back than..." Lisa spoke with a smile.

The two hugged each other as they had a strong sibling moment between them. It was one of the more rare and happy moments between these brother and sister as it is mostly replaced by sibling rivalry and chaos. Lisa felt happy as the guilt just suddenly flew away but suddenly Lisa just thought of an unanswered question.

"Wait a minute? If you replaced my hybrid fruit with the gunpowder... than what happened to the fruit?" Lisa questioned Bart.

* * *

At the hospital, Dr. Hibbert and a Nurse stood in front of Hans Moleman as he looked sick in bed.

"What's going to happen to me doctor..." Hans Moleman asked.

"It seems you got a strong type of cancer that comes from radiation through ingestion? Did you ate anything that looked strange?" Dr. Hibbert said.

"Well... this boy sold me this strange looking watermelon but..."

Suddenly Hans Moleman stopped breathing.

"Oh my god. Is he dead, doctor?" The Nurse said.

"Nope. His old little brain is just sleeping... for five seconds... better get a coffin. I think they have them at the shop where they only sell toilets." Dr. Hibbert and the Nurse left the room.

"Hello?..." Hans Moleman spoke again as he was alive.

* * *

Homer was at his nice suburban home as night time rose again, that was until he heard the doorbell ringing. He opened it and saw the mob again with their usual boredom, scary, or slight smile to their faces.

"Um.. Hello Fat Tony.. So... what are you doing here?" Homer asked.

"I just told you. You owe me money." Fat Tony answered.

"What? When did I... oh yeah... when I was drunk right?"

Fat Tony shake his head yes and then said, "Do you got the money?"

"Well you see... uh... Ned Flanders has it... Yeah! It was Ned alright!" Homer said.

"You used that same excuse the last 134 times. Now where's the money!" Fat Tony cracked his knucles.

"Okay... I don't have it... there's the truth."

"You see Homer? Doesn't it feel right to tell the truth... Louie, tie him up with rope..." Fat Tony demanded with no emotion at all.

Twenty minutes later, Homer was tied as Fat Tony, Louie, Legs, and Johnny Tightlips stood in front of him. Two of the mob members began to smoke on a cigar.

"So... you seemed to be in a 'struggle' during your payments." Fat Tony looked at Homer tied by rope. "Anyway, Louie. Go check upstairs to see if anyone else is here."

Louie did of what he was told to and first entered Maggie's room with the lights on and saw toys, small shelves, and a crib with a baby in it. He walked to the crib and saw Maggie sucking on her thumb as she was sleeping.

"Isn't that cute? Anyway, I better turn off the lights so she won't hear his father being whacked..." Louie spoke as he flipped the light switches.

But as it turned dark, Louie suddenly got hit by a toy rubber bat, even though it was toy, it still hurt. He quickly turned on the lights and saw everything normal including Maggie sleeping like an angel, instead of some person holding a toy bat. He turned off the lights again and once again he got hit by a toy bat. He turned the lights again and saw everything normal including the baby sleeping again. He went towards the switch again but this time, he quickly flipped the switch twice and looked behind him. He saw Maggie using the baseball bat in front of him except this time... it was a real baseball bat made of metal instead of a toy.

Downstairs, Fat Tony and his crew who were standing by Homer Simpson heard a large thump noise upstairs in Maggie's room.

"Hmm. something must be wrong... Legs and Johnny Tightlips... I believe you should go check onto see what's happening down there." Fat Tony said.

"Sure thing boss." Legs responded as the both of them walked upstairs to investigate the thump noise in Maggie's room.

"Now in the mean while..." Fat Tony was interrupted by two larger thump noises. "What now?..."

Fat Tony walked towards the stairs, in the hallway, and then to the room where the noises were heard. The room he entered had the lights turned off, just like before, and he started to take one step into the room. This however was his first mistake when he entered the room. Out of nowhere a knot of rope caught him by the foot that took the first step. He was suddenly hanging in the ceiling by the foot of a rope that was attached to the lamp on the ceiling as the lights were turned on. He looked down and saw Maggie staring at him.

"Beating by an infant? Not in my book it is." Fat Tony spoke as he pulled out his personal knife and tried to cut the rope off but this lead to another and the biggest error he made indeed.

He took Maggie as a simple-minded child rather than a threat.

He fell to the floor when he finally finished cutting the rope. As he stood up, Maggie didn't appear in front of him anymore. He looked and looked for the baby until he heard something from the ceiling. He looked up and saw Maggie on the lamp, cutting it with a saw.

"What the..."

The lamp fell on Fat Tony's head and knocked his head out easily causing him to fall unconscious as his whole body fell to the ground. Fat Tony was on the floor and Homer came in with his hands free.

"There you are Maggie and... what happened here? You must've done all this by yourself? I knew you could do it, after all you did shot Mr. Burns... and that even though that I could've helped you out before I found out the rope was loose." Homer said to himself. "Wait a minute? Why am I talking to a baby? Oh well... your reward will be that you can have your nose back."

Homer pretended to use his thumb as a nose to give to Maggie, but she didn't fell for that trick like before, and didn't liked the reward. So instead, Maggie also whacked his own father with a baseball bat laying on the floor. Homer fell down to the ground unconscious as well as Fat Tony... while the other members of Fat Tony's crew were making noises in Maggie's closet, tied up. Maggie sighed after all this mess she has to clean up...

* * *

The police were at Evergreen Terrace as they arrested the Springfield Mafia while The Simpsons altogether watched.

"What happened Homer?" Marge spoke who just came from her family reunion.

"Maggie beat the mob." Homer answered.

"Your joking right?" Bart said.

"No. I mean, she shot Mr. Burns didn't she?"

"That's because she's a baby. She doesn't know how a gun works so it just accidently fired." Lisa answered. "Still, what's the point of arresting the mob? They'll be out in a week because of the police force around here, the waste of funding, and the stupid's laws in Springfield."

"No they won't little missy." Chief Wiggum spoke to them with a serious look.

"You mean that the law is actually going to protect Springfield more stronger than ever?" Lisa smiled.

"What? No. I mean they'll be out tomorrow. Some nut crack blew a hole in the prison and they mayor spend the funding's on the construction of porno theaters as usual meaning we don't have enough money to fix it." Wiggum spoke.

"Well.. at least Maggie saved my life. In fact, you can have all the guns you can." Homer smiled.

"Homer!" Marge bickered.

"What? It's just guns. Now if it was nuclear weapons, that would be a problem." Homer said.

Maggie held a large gattling gun in front of the family as she stared at them.

"Um.. we don't need anything powerful like that... yet..." Homer stared at Ned Flanders with a strange look in his eyes.

"Well, we learned to bond as brother and sister." Lisa said.

"Oh.. yeah.. uh-huh.. that's great.." Homer ignored what Lisa just said. "But still... nothing could go wrong..."

Suddenly a rampaging truck came, with no driver, crashed into a house on the other side of the street where Willie stood in front of. It exploded, but Willie survived it with a smile.

"I'm erl right folks!" Willie said.

Out of nowhere an axe was thrown right into his back.

"AHH! It hurts so... oh forget it..." Willie walked away with the axe in its back.

"Man, I wonder if Willie will ever get any more painful experiences." Bart asked.

"He will in the future my friend." Comic Book Guy spoke in front of The SImpsons.

"Huh? What are you doing here?"

"Where ever there is unanswered trivia! I will be there! Comic Book Guy away!" Comic Book Guy yelled as pretended to fly away from The Simpsons like a Super hero.

* * *

The next day...

A doorbell kept on ringing and ringing as Marge ran towards it.

"I'm coming, coming already!" Marge yelled.

She opened the door and saw Handy in front of her.

"Oh hello.. wait a minute.. what's your name again?"

"My name is... You know what.. just call me Handy, okay?" Handy spoke. "Anyway, where's Bart? Can I meet him?"

"Sure Handy. That's a cute nickname by the way." Marge said as Handy responded by a grunt. "Oh Bart! One of your friends is here!"

"Who is it?" Bart came down the stairs with Lisa as they both smiled for whoever is at the door.

Bart looked to see who it was and saw Handy with his usual black shaded sunglasses.

"It's you? Uh... Mom... can you leave us alone for a while..." Bart asked as he came to the floor of the house as Lisa stayed at the stairs.

"Sure thing my special little guy. I'll go make some tea." Marge spoke as she headed towards the kitchen.

Bart headed towards Handy and he started to laugh and said, "Your called 'special little guy'?"

"Err.. whatever.. What ya need me for?" Bart asked to Handy.

"Me and a couple of kids down the street are selling drugs to the police because they are tired out after some hole incident at the prison. There so stupid that they would even buy stolen stuff from little kids. I can also use this against them in many ways if I go to court... So? What do you say Bart?" Handy asked.

"That sounds really..." Bart spoke with a smile but then he paused for a moment and turned around hearing Lisa's voice again.

"Come on Bart. We can still finish the game if you hurry now!" Lisa yelled.

"... You know what, Handy... I think I'll stay at home for a while..." Bart responded to Handy's question.

"Hanging out with your sister? That seems kind of... odd with you Bart?... don't you think?"

"Maybe.. but older brothers have to take care of their younger siblings..."

"Wait a minute? Isn't Lisa suppose to take care of you? No offense, but you're really dumb... maybe you can protect your sister from bullies, but she knows a lot about this whole caring-for-loved-ones-thing more than you."

"Still, I feel like spending time with my sister okay. Maybe next time we can sell all this stolen goods later, okay?" Bart said.

"Hmm... fine... heh, heh.. Seriously? Special Little Guy?" Handy laughed as Bart shut the door right in his face.

"Come on Bart! We can still finish the game, you know!" Lisa yelled from the stairs but with a smile rather than disappointment or anger.

"Fine Lisa." Bart went towards Lisa.

"Oh.. and thanks Bart for spending more time with your sister than your illegal sales." Lisa said.

"Wait? You heard what I said?" Bart said.

"You were speaking really loud... and when you kind of think of it... it really does sound embarrassing to be called, 'Special Little Guy'."

"Yeah... I guess so... You're a good sister you know that?"

"I know but you're a good brother... and I claim first controller!" Lisa yelled quickly as she started to run to the TV room.

"What? No fair! I claim... never mind... I'll get the second controller." Bart sighed as he still stood in the staircase. "But I claim the first scoop of ice-cream!"

"What?" Lisa came back towards the staircase. "Well then, I claim your dog!"

"Than I claim your cat!"

And so on.. and on... they started claiming each other's possessions but it was strangely fun for the two as this kind of thing usually leads to a situation. They were definitely good siblings to each other, but the fun of claiming suddenly stopped as they tried to claim over Maggie who held a gun towards their faces... but even then, they still manage to have fun with smiles and laughs... after all, they are brother and sister for a reason? Don't you think?

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"Okay Willie. I have developed the super-armor 2000. It should be able to protect you from most of the knives that are randomly attacking you." Prof. Frink spoke as he and Willie were at the front of the school.

"Your sure this works Prof.?" Willie said as he was wearing the armor.

"I'm sure. Now go on spend the rest of your day doing whatever you want."

Willie entered the school with the armor which was very heavy but he could still move, he than saw Nelson in front of him holding his switch blade.

"Knife huh? Do your worst." Willie said.

"Okay." Nelson said, but he put the knife away and just pushed him to the ground.

"Dang it!" Willie said as Nelson left.

Willie tried to get up but the armor was so heavy.

"A little help please! I'll be your best friend! Anyone?" Willie said lonely.


	34. Like Bob Like Son

(Mar. 28th 2011), The idea for the Story was a request by Dohey. I can't guarantee if the one who requested the idea will like it or not. Also, I've added an old famous catchphrase that Homer has said in The Simpsons Shorts (or Trace Ulman Shorts). Try to find the catchphrase. If you can't find it, than it will be shown what the catchphrase is at the end of the story, right after the extra scene section.

Also, you may have notice that Homer's voice from Season 1 was changed to a more better voice in the rest of the seasons right? Well, I noticed that Homer's voice in today's seasons is actually different from the classic seasons and I don't just mean Season 1 or 2, I mean alot of the classic seasons.

* * *

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch but as they do they all get hit by a bulldozer as it destroys the house.

Synopsis: Sideshow Bob is still in jail, so little Gino starts his own little crime. Meanwhile, Milhouse tries to win Lisa's heart through a couple of friends only to be made fun of or rejected.

* * *

Bart Simpson stepped out of his house through the main door in a bright shiny day as he went to check the mail in the mailbox. Bart opened the mailbox and saw mostly bills and bills and...

"Hello. What's this?" Bart said to himself as he saw a letter that wasn't a bill.

He opened the letter and saw a familiar note that said, "Die Bart!". Even though it said this, it didn't scare him at all as he seen this before. He just sighed in boredom seeing this letter and went back in the house still holding the piece of paper in his hand.

"Hello Bart. What do you got there in your hand." Marge smiled as she stood in front of him.

"Got the 798th 'Die Bart!' letter. I'll just put it where the rest of the letters go." Bart threw the letter in front of Santa's little helper who slept on the floor.

Santa's Little Helper looked at the letter and began to tear it in shreds with his mouth like a rabid dog. Meanwhile, Bart entered the TV room as Milhouse, Nelson, Martin, Wendell, Lewis, Handy and Richard, were watching TV like mindless zombies staring at it all day.

"Got any mail?" Nelson asked.

"The usual. Bills from the IRS and death threats from Sideshow Bob. Now who wants cookies? I got them in the kitchen" Bart answered.

"Who's Sideshow Bob?" Handy asked.

"You don't know who that guy is?" Milhouse asked as the other kids were surprised not knowing that the kid with sunglasses didn't knew who Sideshow Bob is.

"He's a famous criminal around Springfield who used to be a clown." Wendell spoke along with Milhouse.

"He also planned so many attempted murders for Bart. They are clever plans that make him a threat." spoke Lewis.

"Not only that, his family is also a bunch of murders too." Richard came into the conversation.

"What kind of plans did he have? Using a water gun to shoot Bart?" Handy asked in a uncaring way.

"He really is a threat. First, he framed Krusty of a crime he didn't commit, than he tries to kill Aunt Selma for her money." Bart spoke.

"He also tried to become mayor and change the town's ways, and then he abolishes television through a nuke... even though it was a dud." Nelson spoke as well.

"He also tried to kill Krusty at his own show and have his own family plot a murder all for me." Bart spoke with every inch of his breath this time.

"So let me get this straight..." Handy spoke again. "Your telling me. That Sideshow Bob wants to kill you, Bart Simpson who's just a kid, with far-clever plots along with his family when he could use his plans for bigger criminal activity? Seriously? Plus your still alive and he's still in jail for so many times? Doesn't sound famous to me. Sounds more like a crack-head to me."

"Believe me. He's dangerous when he steps out of prison halls. Hmm... I wonder what's he doing right now." Bart thought.

* * *

In Springfield Prison, Sideshow Bob was sitting at a chair in front of a table in his jail cell as he wrote a plan on a paper to kill Bart Simpson, but the next second later he threw it in a garbage can realizing how stupid this plan was just like the rest of the 57 plans scrunched up into a paper ball that were thrown into a bucket.

"What's happen to me!" Sideshow Bob yelled. "I used to have so many wonderful ideas for my fiendish plots and now I'm in prison wasting my time thinking stupid worthless plans! In fact these..."

"Hey Sideshow Bob! Keep it down in there!" The Prison Guard yelled at him as he stood in front of his jail cell. "Also, I just got good news and bad news."

"What is it then?" Sideshow Bob said.

"The good news is that your family is released from prison. The bad news is that your not because you've done more crimes than any of these family members... even though they weren't successful in any way." The Prison guard spoke. "Here they come now."

Sideshow Bob's family, made up of his son, his wife, his brother, father, and his mother, all came in front of his jail cell as the Prison Guard stopped talking.

"How worst can this get... Oh well, Francesca. If you wish to remarry than go ahead. I might as well rot here like a lab rat than seeing you living with a criminal in your life." Sideshow Bob sighed.

"Oh, Robert. I could never remarried and were all criminals so it pretty much doesn't matter. We will come back and visit you next week. Your not the worst criminal in this prison so I'm sure they'll let you out of this prison sooner or later. After all... that fat man Wiggum is still chief." Francesca said.

"That's one thing your wife is right about. You're not much of a great criminal. Those are the great criminals." Cecil Terwilleger said pointing at a prison filled with even more crazier criminals.

"You'll still be a good son to me." Dr. Robert Terwilleger, his father, spoke.

"Hey! Are you done having your family moment now! Were trying to sleep here!" Chris, the Vietnamese Criminal, shouted at them.

"Oh shut up. Your crime trying to kill a principle was a joke compared to others." Sideshow Bob yelled at him.

"Uh-huh. Well compared to my crime to your many attempts to kill this Bart Simpson who happens to be a dumb child is a big damn joke! Seriously. He should be easy to kill." Chris yelled back.

"Go to hell, Chris!" Sideshow Bob yelled.

"Both of you stop fighting already! Get this family moment over with okay!" The Prison guard shouted.

"Stupid Chris..." Sideshow Bob muttered under his breath. "Anyway, I have some words for my son, Gino. How old are you again? I keep forgetting."

"He's an year older than that Simpsons baby." Francesca mentioned Maggie.

"Oh yes... how old is Maggie Simpson?... Never mind. Anyway, Gino. Here's some words from your pop. You and your mother will be living with your grandparents so don't be sad. If you see Bart, then don't try to kill him. I got this family in a big mess and I don't want it to happen." Bob sighed.

"Okay..." Gino answered.

"Excellent. Be a good boy now." Sideshow Bob said as the family started to leave, but there was also another thing.

Little Gino, sideshow Bob's son, walked through the prison hallways to freedom as he grinned on his little face.

"He only said to not kill Bart... Yes, I have other plans... my first step will be... hmm... I need some ice-cream. Mama!" Gino grinned as he had a thought to his head.

"Yes Gino?" Francesca responded.

"Can we have some ice-cream. The food here rots of tire." Gino said.

"Why would there be ice cream in a prison like this?"

"Ice cream! Ice cream! Get your ice cream!" A man shouted, wearing an apron as he was in the halls of the prison holding a white wheeled cart of ice-cream.

"Seriously? Ice-cream here? We've been here for a long time. Plus why are you even shouting in this cold concrete prison. There's just prison guards, not tourists or citizens." Cecil said.

"Look buddy? Do you want ice-cream or not?"

* * *

It was the next day and Bart was at the mail box looking for his mail. He saw another note and grabbed it from the mailbox. He read it but sighed in boredom even though this time it was a little different.

"What do you know. Sideshow Bob finally started to write something else." Bart sighed. "'Dear Bart. I will not kill you now but instead I will kill the ones close to you and... Blah, blah, blah... starting with your family. Sincerely yours a Terwilleger of the family'. Yep, another letter that's just going to end up in Santa's little helpers mouth and why is there a smudge of ice cream on this letter?"

As Bart stood there, Milhouse appeared towards him but not in a normal or cheerful way but in a sad appearance as his big nose was facing down.

"What's wrong Milhouse?" Bart said.

"I just got rejected by Lisa for the 897th time." Milhouse said.

"Hmm... usually when your sad you come running here with your glasses broken and your head bruised. Well, I can't do anything for you. Go ask someone else about your problem. I'm busy coming up with new pranks for Skinner on Monday." Bart said as he left Milhouse and went straight to his house.

Milhouse decided to head to the park as Bart couldn't help him because he had other plans.

* * *

Milhouse was sitting at a bench at a park as he was sad of being rejected again while people around him were having fun with smiles and happy thoughts.

"Yo. What's up Milboy?" Handy spoke to Milhouse as he was with his friend Bashir.

"I got rejected by Lisa... again..." Milhouse said.

"Don't worry. You'll be alright." Bashir said. "You'll meet someone else. Someone who's uglier and dirtier... like the two monsters from the DMV!"

"You mean Bart's aunt's Patty and Selma?" Milhouse said.

"Those monsters have names? Wait? There women?" Bashir said quiet surprised.

"Bashir... let me do the talking... So Milhouse. What's your problem with Lisa lately?" Handy asked.

"That's just the thing. I don't know. Why wouldn't she go for a hot rod like me?" Milhouse said.

"You? Hot rod? Your joking right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's put it this way. Lisa is a sweet smart common-sense girl who has friends to play with and is actually at times considered cool and great when compared to most of the other nerds at school who are weirdoes and are way too sensitive about everything which Lisa isn't. While you who is a weirdo, way too sensitive, has many issues, drinks a baby bottle, and goes home crying to your mama with a Italian accent."

"I don't cry!" Milhouse said.

Suddenly Handy just snapped him right in the eye causing tears to emerge from Millhouse's eyelids.

"Yeah... there's also another thing Lisa might not want to go date a loser, no offense though." Bashir said.

"What's the reason?"

"The reason is that you have so many issues that no one can't identify, count, or even care about. In fact. Your probably the most worst nerd out there. Believe me, nerds can actually be cool, but a nerd like you is just down wrong." Bashir spoke once again.

"Oh yeah Bashir! What do you know about nerds being cool?" Milhouse yelled.

"Believe me. I'm a smart nerd and I won all the ladies hearts back where I came from. I even won the teacher's hearts... which was kind of disturbing." Bashir thought and spoke at the same time.

"Really? Can you help me become a loser to a winner! I'm talking to you! The one who's reading on !" Milhouse yelled as he pointed at the reader of

"What me?" Comic Book Guy reading a fanfiction on through his laptop.

"Seriously. You just randomly say crap, man." Handy said.

"It's a habit of mine."

"Okay, let's just do this already. Milhouse! Your about to learn from the master how to win a woman's heart, but this will take long hours! Are you with me Milhouse! I will teach and tell you everything I know!" Bashir said to Milhouse with a serious look.

"Yes! I'm ready!"

2 hours later at the park as Handy, Bashir, and Milhouse stood there next to the bench.

"And that's how Luke Skywalker defeated the Galactic Empire." Bashir said. "The end."

"That was great Bashir, but just one thing... You were suppose to help me get Lisa!" Milhouse yelled.

"Oh. About that... I won all the woman because the country I come from is kind of... well... against woman's rights meaning men have control over them... and this country gives rights to woman everywhere... so there's probably going to be a problem..." Bashir said.

"Uh-huh. Milhouse. I think I know what might win the pretty ladies heart." Handy said.

"What?"

"Lisa likes hearing the truth right? Sweet girls like her always wants the truth from friends, family, and their boyfriends? So why not tell her the truth. And I mean telling the truth of all the things that happen to you."

"Really? Will that win Lisa!" Milhouse said.

"Yep. Tell the truth. Every one of it!"

"Then I'll do it." Milhouse said as he ran off. "Come on guys!"

The guys stood there laughing their pants off seeing Milhouse actually taking there advice.

"This is going to be hilarious when Milhouse tells every lie he has done." Handy said.

"I know. You want to bet if Milhouse doesn't get the girl?" Bashir said.

"Wrong. It's betting if Milhouse actual gets the girl."

"Your heart is just evil you know that?"

"Nope. I'm just a misunderstood child. A child who wants to see Milhouse rejected ten time more from Lisa in hte most miserable way possible, but in a hilarious way as well." Handy said as the two of them went to see their friend tell everyone bit of the truth to Lisa.

* * *

Gino was at the backyard of the Simpsons who secretly got there by just handing sausage to the guard dog, or Santa's Little Helper. He held a rope and a spike, a knife, and some duct tape.

"This will be a piece of cake." Gino said, or that he thought.

The young, but smart, three year old child threw his rope attached to a spike towards a second floor window. The rope was now stuck to the window due to the spike attached to it but it was perfect as Gino needed to climb to the second floor window. He began to climb the building as he prepared to use his knife and duct tape, but there was a problem when he finally got to the second-floor window.

Out of nowhere, Gino got kicked out of the window and landed on the solid ground with a black-eye. How? Maggie Simpson stood at the window as that window was a part of her room.

"Do. Not. Come. Back." Maggie used sign language through the use of her small little fingers as Gino was already tired out from the punch in the eye and from the landing on rock-hard ground.

* * *

Lisa was writing a poem in the woods as she looked at Mother Nature that is until the little girl saw Milhouse, the weird annoying fella, and his two friends Bashir, the smart Muslim, and Handy, smart and clever but has a black thorn attached to his heart.

"Hi guys. What are you doing?" Lisa asked, wondering what they were doing here.

"Milhouse wanted to show how he feels about you by telling the whole truth about everything he did." Handy said.

"Uh.. maybe I should leave.." Lisa worried a little.

"Please! Give a fool a chance to win your heart." Milhouse said.

"Humph.. fine.." Lisa sighed.

"Let the rejection.. I mean winning of a girls heart begin." Bashir said as he chuckled.

"Uh-huh. Milhouse trying to win me? Plus, didn't you had that Samantha as your girlfriend?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, that was until she found out how much of a loser I am... but I'll be a winner! Starting by winning you, Lisa!"

"Milhouse. You think you can get me to date you by telling every lie to me the truth? I even dated Ralph and he's better than you." Lisa said. "Not only that..."

"Okay. Let's just give Milhouse a chance." Handy interrupted her so he can stop her from ruining the fun.

"Anyway. Let's see... Well I told the car driver to get to the Kwik-E-Mart within fifty seconds and gave him twenty bucks if he does. Along the way, he ran over your cat Snow Ball I." Milhouse said.

"That was you, you little-!-..." Lisa said for a moment.

"Whoa. Let Milhouse tell the truth. All of it, so you can know more of what he did." Handy chuckled.

"Did I told you the time that I wet my pants because of Maggie slapping me on the cheeks?" Milhouse said.

Three hours later in the woods.

"And that's how your role model, Bleeding Gums Murphy, got a heart attack and passed away due to me scaring him with a mask I found in the dumpster." Milhouse said as Lisa was filled with rage.

"That... and you need to clean your nose. No wonder your nose is so big. All filled with that gross oversized mucus... yuck! That's even more disgusting than seeing my papa shaving his back hair." Bashir said disgusted of the truth why Milhouses nose is so big.

"Anyway... you know the time your project last year was destroyed at the Science Fair. That was me..." Milhouse said.

"ENOUGH!" Lisa yelled at Milhouse and the two friends behind him. "You think telling me the truth of what you done is going to get me to date you!"

"Uh.. yes.." Milhouse said calmly.

"Just get away from me." Lisa left the woods as Milhouse watched.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Well, I have another idea. Girls like gifts don't they. Everyone does." Handy says.

"Yes, but what do you know what Lisa likes?" Milhouse asked.

"Well.. um.. I know that.. uh.. Bashir dated Lisa before. Isn't that right Bashir?" Handy blinked his eye to the young Muslim.

"What? I never dated Blondie over there. Why the heck would you think of.. oh.. I mean, yes. Yes I did." Bashir lied.

"What would she like?" Milhouse asked.

"Don't worry, Milboy." Handy said. "I know the perfect place to get a gift for a girl like her. Ever heard of the slaughterhouse?"

* * *

Milhouse knocked on the Simpson's house door with a gift in his hand as two of the friends stood behind him. Lisa opened it to find him and his two friends.

"What do you want, Milhouse?" Lisa sighed with no smile at all.

"I just got you a gift to apologize for telling too much of the truth... especially the one about your role model..." Milhouse said.

"Well... I guess I'll open it..." Lisa said in a slight sweet voice as she grabbed the box.

But as Lisa opened it, she screamed. Why? The gift was a dead cow's heart in the box.

"MOM!" Lisa screamed as loud as she can.

"Did I won your heart now?" Milhouse asked with a smile.

Bart heard the scream and came to the main door to see Lisa, Milhouse, Bashir and Handy there.

"Cool. A cow's heart. Nice gift, Milhouse. Now Lisa would have to date you." Bart said, but thought wrong.

* * *

It was nighttime, and Marge held Maggie in her arms in the baby's room as it was her bedtime. She placed her carefully in the crib as Maggie yawned and fell asleep. As Marge left the room she closed the door, but Gino appeared behind the door when it closed.

"Heh, heh. You can't get me now when you are sleep my little friend." Gino chuckled with an evil grin on his face.

Several minutes later, Marge entered the room with a baby bottle for Maggie but as she entered the room she dropped the bottle and saw a note in her crib as Maggie was missing.

"Oh no!" Marge yelled.

Suddenly Homer come bursting in Maggie's room and said, "Oh no! You didn't found my chickens for the big fight did you! I can explain though if you just..."

"Chickens? I meant Maggie!" Marge said as she felt worried. "I also found this note..."

"'Dear, Simpsons. I have just kidnapped the baby and I will probably not return her back. Sincerely a member of the Terwilleger Family.' Hey there's a smudge of ice cream on this note." Homer read the note. "It must be Sideshow Bib! No, Bar, Boll, Bob.. It's Bob! Sideshow Bob!... Now only to tell which Sideshow is it..."

* * *

Milhouse was alone this time at the main door of The Simpsons house because he finally knew that Handy and Bashir made him into a fool. This time he knew he could do it this time as he was brave and knew what to say, that is until he knocked on the door. The door opened revealing Lisa holding the knob as she sighed again seeing Bart's big nose friend at the door.

"What do you want?" Lisa said with an unhappy expression.

"Please Lisa. I just want one date and one date only. If you don't like the date than you can just leave and..."

"Sorry. No date. My baby sister just got kidnapped so... no." Lisa said.

"What? Come on." Milhouse whined and begged.

"Err.. you know Milhouse. You got to be the most selfish brat I have ever met. You came here begging for a date when I just said that my baby sister is missing! You probably ask a date, even if your best friend Bart was attacked by a stranger. Why don't you just stop asking because it's never going to happen and never will!" Lisa yelled as she slammed the door.

"That's harsh." Handy said as he and Bashir walked out of the bushes.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Just watching you fail again. Even if we weren't here you would fail. Especially just now." Bashir said. "I mean who would anyone think that a sweet girl like her can have such a big temper."

"Well, her blood does come from the Bouvier side. They happen to have anger issues of their own. Then there's the Simpson side. They have anger in their blood too."

"I see... I guess I'll forget about Lisa..." said Milhouse.

"Your still thinking about her aren't you?" Handy said.

"Yep. I just lied so you can just accept it and stop making me look like a fool in front of her." Milhouse said.

"Your already are a fool. Plus, I have another idea how you can get Lisa."

"What now?" Milhouse not wanting to hear one word of Handy's mouth, yet he still listened,

"How about you burn down a building with Lisa inside and then you save her. Isn't that a great plan?"

"Sounds dangerous but next year sounds fine." Milhouse said.

* * *

The Simpsons, except Bart, were at the living room thinking where Sideshow Bob might be as nighttime still appeared in the sky.

"What do we do. Sideshow Bob could be anywhere." Marge walked back and forth.

"I'm not sure it's Sideshow Bob." Bart walked in the room. "I went by the prison and he's still there, that's when I saw the news at a TV set in the place where visiting hours are held.

"Where's Maggie?" Homer asked.

"Maggie was kidnapped by Sideshow Bob's son Gino who's now at a tower. We can hurry and rescue Maggie if we go now."

"Gino? That little squirt who I have no idea who he is." Homer said.

"Gino is the kid that looks and act like Sideshow Bob, just a toddler though." Bart said.

"Doesn't ring a bell. Hey.. maybe it's Gino. Sideshow Bob's son." Homer spoke again realizing who kidnapped Maggie.

* * *

Meanwhile at a brick-made tower in Springfield, Gino held Maggie who was tied up by rope and awake as he stood in one of the windows seeing the police, citizens, and The Simpsons who quickly ran to the situation.

"Okay!" Wiggum yelled to Gino through a megaphone. "In the name of Justice or in other words Leonardo De Caprio! You will be silenced and arrested by his acting skills and boy charm! You got that little boy!"

Suddenly Wiggum just got punched in the face by Leonardo De Caprio who appeared out of nowhere.

"I came all the way to stop a little boy!" Leonardo De Caprio yelled in anger as he left.

"Ow! Justice hurts." Wiggum said as he just got punched by "Justice". "Hey Eddie! Confiscate Leonardo's license.. you know what. Never mind. He's just too good at acting. He might be the new Mel Gibson you know."

Suddenly Wiggum just got punched by Mel Gibson in anger and than left.

"Ow! That hurts more than before. It's like that when I mention a celebrities name. They just come and punch me. This is worse than that Mickey Mouse promotion in 2006." Wiggum said.

Suddenly Wiggum just got punched by Mickey Mouse, a cartoon character that really shouldn't exist in real life.

"You know what.. I'm just going to stop talking." Wiggum said.

"Give me that!" Bart swiped the megaphone from the fat policeman. "Hey Gino! Give me back my sister you damn Sideshow family member of vengeance and all the.. well you know what I mean!"

"With a voice like that. No." Gino yelled back.

Bart sighed for a moment as he saw Gino waiting for a response.

"You know what Gino! You have a family and I have a family and we both love our families right?" Bart spoke through the megaphone as he was also disgusted of using the word, "love". "And you know what else. Both of our families have problems. They can be wanting attention, or bragging how smart they are, or gossip too much with the other mothers, or act like a big, fat, ape-like, bald-headed beast."

"Hey!" All The Simpsons members yelled, everyone but Maggie who had an angry expression on her face and was able to cross her arms as she was tied by rope.

"But they are my family and you took a piece of it away. Can you please give that piece back?" Bart referred that piece as Maggie.

"Let me see here.. you took my father away so.. no." Gino said as he pushed Maggie off the window of the building but there was one problem that should've been noticed by everyone who witnessed this.

Gino pushed Maggie off the first floor window which wasn't that far from the ground and yet pretty much no one notice this, even Lisa just noticed this, as Maggie was on the ground alive uninjured as she sucked on her pacifier.

"Does anyone notice that Gino is on a window that's really close to the ground. Anyone?" Lisa said.

Suddenly everyone looked at each other realizing how stupid they were not knowing that.

"It looked far from the ground for a toddler." Gino said jumping off the window and onto the ground.

"Let's get him." Bart chuckled with his own evil grin.

Suddenly Gino gulped in fear and started to run away from a crowd of Policemen and citizens, but The Simpsons stayed and ran to Maggie.

Later, Gino kept on running and running through the streets of Springfield as a crowd chases him, but suddenly a hand out of nowhere pulls him into an alley. It was a stranger's hand who wore a hat and a brown coat, but Gino realized who the stranger was.

"Papa?" Gino smiled.

"Yes little Gino. I escaped from that awful prison and we are going to take a train and then head to an airport towards Canada. The rest of the family is waiting at the train station. Come on little Gino before that crowd find us." Sideshow Bob said. "Yep. I heard in Canada they have... hey Ice-cream."

Sideshow Bob and Gino spotted an man serving ice cream through a wheeled cart.

* * *

It was still nighttime and The Simpsons were one again. They were walking on the sidewalk as Lisa looked at Bart for a while.

"Bart. Did you really meant it that you love this family no matter how much problems it has?" Lisa said.

"Err... you know the answer, mom and dad know the answer, and I know the answer. Don't make me say it again please." Bart said.

"Fine." Lisa said.

"You know what we should do?" Homer said.

"What Homer?" Marge asked.

"We should all go get some frosty chocolate milkshakes." Homer said.

"Right on Homer." Bart said.

"Yep. Right after I strangle the boy for calling me an beast." Homer said.

"Oh boy." Bart said as he began to ran away from Homer.

Homer started to chase Bart as Marge, Lisa, and Maggie watched.

"This family hasn't changed one bit..." Marge sighed.

* * *

(Extra: Criminal Suspects)

In the year 2001, Leonardo De Caprio was sentenced to jail for three years after punching every cop he sees. Luckily, his fans protested this and they decreased the number of years to one and a half.

In the year 1999, Mel Gibson was sentenced to prison after he handed a soda to his wife. Chief Wiggum how ever said that there was poison in that soda but when he was arrested there was no poison and yet... he's still in prison for four years for "attempted murder" or pretty much nothing.

In the year 2003, Mickey Mouse was sentenced to jail for illegally selling drugs, made a deal with the Springfield Mafia to take care of "business", and was said to secretly sell weapons to Somalia Pirates. He was sentence to prison forever until they can decide a more harsher punishment than the death row... Also, he punched Wiggum.

* * *

Note: Incase you don't know, when Homer said, "We should all go get some frosty chocolate milkshakes.", that's a famous catchphrase Homer says in the Simpsons Shorts.


	35. Herbity Herb

On YouTube, I was looking up for classic jokes of The Simpsons to see what the comments were and guess what half of them are. They like Homer's girly scream and you don't see that much in today's seasons. They got to bring that back, I don't know if they have it still, but lots of people seem to like Homer's girly scream just like his catchphrases. Not only that, people seem to like the screams that have the character's screaming there mouth wide up, tongues sticking out long, yelling like they mean it as a surprise, and sometimes the eyes look like there slightly bigger.

Also, the newest episode "The Great Simpsina" was actually not bad. It was great, but not as great as the classics, but still great. The beginning of that episode was kind of weak but the rest of the plot was good. They took advantage of the animation, balanced it out with emotion and comedy, and the ending was pretty good, in fact it was kind of touching a little. This is one of those rare and good Simpson episodes in today's seasons.

* * *

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch and suddenly outside of the Simpsons world in reality, a man on his couch turns off the TV, showing The Simpsons, with a remote.

Summary: The family hears the news about Herb getting married to a woman named Monica but Abe finds more than just a marriage. He finds out that Monica just wants Herb's money but Herb is in love. Meanwhile, Lisa unsually goes beserk due to a certain gene.

* * *

It was nighttime at Springfield and the stars were shining bright as crystal clear diamonds, the wind flew through the grass, the people were walking calmly through the streets and...

"BUURRRP!..."

What the hell is that? Oh wait. It's just a certain little pub at Moe's. Inside, there sat at the counter was fat Homer, drunken Barney, Lenny and Carl, and old ugly Moe.

"Your calling me old and ugly?" Moe said.

"What? No!" Homer said.

"Oh. Humph.. Thought I heard something."

"Must be your imagination." Barney said.

"Why would you say that?" Moe asked.

"Because. I see it all the time Mr. Pixie Dust."

"Riiiight..." Moe said sarcastically. "Anyway, watcha got there Homer?"

"This? This is just a picture of me and Herb."

"Who's Herb? You never told your friends about that." Carl said.

"Herb is my long lost half-brother. He's a rich billionaire right now. Plus didn't you just saw him?"

"Wait a minute... that guy at the backyard was your brother. I thought you just loss some weight and got a wig." Lenny said.

"Whatever... let me tell how it all began... in a small town called Springfield... you probably never heard of it as not many people know where the location of it was but..."

"Homer... we are in Springfield you dumbass." Moe said.

"I said _'a small town called Springfield that you probably never heard of...'_. "Homer waved his fist at Moe.

"Okay! Okay! Just tell the story."

* * *

Itchy and Scratchy!

"Killing Problems Solves Everything!"

Itchy and Scratchy were hiding in different trenches as they had a supply of weapons ready to fire in Afghanistan.

Suddenly Osama Bin Laden and his army of terrorist stepped into the battlefield between the mouse and the cat who were hiding in trenches.

"The massacre of Americans begins now!" Osama Bin Laden shouted.

"Massacre of Americans?" Itchy the mouse questioned.

"How about we start a massacre of Terrorists." Scratchy the cat shouted at Itchy.

"That sounds like a better idea!" Itchy the mouse responded.

The mouse and cat wanted to aimed all their weapons at the terrorists and than a minute later, they were all killed as gore and blood was on the ground, all except Osama Bin Laden who was weakened. Itchy and Scratchy walked towards Osama Bin Laden and looked at each other. They started pulling out swords and slashing the terrorist into pieces as he was finally dead and blood was leaking out of the pieces.

"Remember kids." Itchy spoke. "Whether you're a Republican or Democrat, terrorism is never the answer. Not only America hates it but many powerful or poor countries also hates it. Sometimes you just got to slash your problems into pieces."

Suddenly Itchy decapitated Scratchy's head with the sword he had in his hand as Scratchy was screaming into pain.

"That's right kids. Like Itchy said. Terrorism is never the answer." The decapitated head of Scratchy said.

Suddenly the cartoon now changed into Krusty's show for kids.

"Wasn't that a great show kids?" Krusty smiled and shouted at the same time. "You know, kids. The mouse and cat are actually right. Terrorism is never the answer. In fact, those terrorists are doing terrorism for their own Muslim beliefs and yet there are other ways for Muslims to be better people. The terrorists make Muslim look like a war religion rather than a peaceful one. We may have caused some war in our times but do any of you kids want America to look like a terrorist country?"

"Hell No!" Bart yelled at the TV as other children started to say "no" from the studio of the show.

"Bart! Don't curse!" Homer yelled at him as Bart, Lisa, Maggie, and Homer were all sitting at the couch watching TV while Marge was at the kitchen washing the dishes.

"He's technically right dad, but why are they talking about terrorism in a cartoon? Are they trying to influence children or something to hate terrorism at such an early age?" Lisa said.

"I feel like killing terrorists." Homer said.

Homer himself suddenly was just influenced by the show's massacre part, but at an much older age. Even at Homer's age, he can be tricked to buy a duff cap for a 100 bucks. Suddenly a minute later, the doorbell rang, but no one got it until Bart said, "Homer. Go get it."

"Me? Get it? Bart! You go..."

"Go get it." Bart said.

"Errr... fine..." Homer accepted Bart's order.

Homer went towards the main front door and opened it revealing a familiar person to him. It was Herb Powell, Homer's older and half-brother.

"Oh my god. You finally visited me." Homer said, that was until he got punched in the face by Herb.

Homer fell to the floor but not unconscious this time.

"Ow.. why did you did that?" Homer said as he got up.

"That's going to be how I greet you Homer, for now on." Herb said.

Bart and Lisa walked into the room of the main door and staircase and saw a familiar person. At first they would just came there to see who it was but they did not expect Herb to be here.

"Unky Herb!" Both Bart and Lisa said as they both ran to him.

"Who is it, Homer?" Marge stepped in the room after cleaning up the kitchen. "Oh, hello Herb!"

"Hello to you too Marge!" Herb smiled at all of them. "I have some great news that I decided to spend some time here with you guys."

"What's the news?" Homer asked.

"I'm getting married!" Herb said with a smile.

* * *

The family, including Herb, were all at the dinner table discussing of how it all happened.

"So Herb. Who are you going to be married with anyway?" Homer asked

"It's a sweet lady named Monica and you know what... I also... Uh.." Herb stopped talking for a moment as an old person entered the dinner room.

"Where's my ointment, you lousy crack heads! I said where's my... oh..." Abe stopped as well as he stared at Herb. "It's you... how's life?..."

"Not bad... ointment huh?... Recognize you by looking like an older version of me..." Herb spoke a little.

"I recognize you by looking like an less uglier version of Homer..."

"Hey!" Homer yelled at Grandpa Simpson.

"Homer. We know it's true ever since you lost your hair... anyway, I'm going to leave now..." Abe slowly walked out of the dining room.

"What was that all about?" Bart said.

"Bart! Abe and Herb never met each other for some time ever since the old man.. gave him up to an orphanage." Lisa whispered to Bart.

"Oh.. Well, who cares. They're going to have some fight later and then suddenly the problem is solved." Bart said. "Anyway, Unky Herb. What life story do you got for us today?"

"Oh yeah... let's see.. where was I... Um.. Now I remember." Herb said with a smile. "It all started after finding a certain woman on the streets. She used to own a big company until she ran over Kent Brockman's cat accidently. Because of that, Kent sued everything that belongs to her."

"Really?" Marge said.

"Well... replace accidently with brutally and cat with grandfather..."

"Oh... I see..."

"Anyway, I started to feel like helping the unfortunate, the poor, the losers, and many others on the streets because of my own unfortunate event as a poor hobo who was considered a loser at that time. I than found a certain woman on the streets who looked at me with her pale blue eyes, long flowing black hair, and a chest that would say, 'My face is here, pervert'." Herb spoke.

"What happened next, Unky Herb?" Lisa asked.

"I felt like taking her in as a maiden at first just to help her get back to her feet by earning a little money, but I soon started to grow attached to her as if there was some kind of mystical bond between us, not the gambling Las Vegas bond or the bill-paying Washington bond, but a bond that I never felt before. I think it was love. We have so many things in common."

"Like what?" Homer said as he got a dish of boiled lobster from the fridge.

"We had an interest in cars. We exchanged ideas and beliefs. We both love reading. We both... Homer. Homer! HOMER!" Herb yelled at Homer

He was yelling at him because Homer broke the lobster's shell piece by piece with his bare hands but this was causing loud cracking noises. Homer than got a hammer underneath the table and slammed it straight at the lobsters shell which sent a piece of lobster meat flying out of the shell and straight towards Herb's hair. More lobster meat suddenly flew out of the shell and started to get into other family members hair as they all stared at Homer with their arms crossed.

"What are all you looking at?" Homer said eating the crab meat as he stared at the family.

"Yep... you haven't changed one bit have you?" Herb sighed as suddenly another piece of crab meat flew to his forehead. "Haven't change one bit..."

* * *

Lisa was at her locker picking some books for school day as she was in the school halls. Suddenly out of nowhere a bunch of female bullies walked through the way and shoved Lisa's face into the locker.

"Oh.. what does it take to have a peaceful day." Lisa grabbed the books.

Later, the nine-year old child entered Ms. Hoovers classroom... late...

"Lisa. Your ten minutes late. Looks like your tardy right now." Ms. Hoover said.

"Tardy? But I'm never late for class! I'm a good student! I'm..."

"Go to the principal's office and fill in a tardy slip." Ms. Hoover pointed straight to the main door of the classroom.

Several minutes later at the gym...

Lisa was in a straight line of children as there was Principle Skinner as the substitute teacher.

"Principle Skinner. Where's Ms. Pommelhorst?" Lisa asked.

"She's getting surgery again... she kind of get's surgery every week... I wonder where she even gets the money..." Principle Skinner said.

"So what are we going to play? Dodge ball?" Ralph asked.

"Yes and this is the first time you said dodge ball correctly Ralph, but dodge ball is a serious game."

"Can we just play the game?" Janie asked.

"Game? It's not just a game..." Skinner said.

* * *

Laos 1967

Sergeant Skinner was playing dodge ball with the other troops at an US base camp. They kept on throwing the hard but soft dodge balls until it happened... Suddenly out of nowhere, North Vietnamese troops came rushing to the battlefield with rifles.

"What do we do Sergeant?" Private Hank said.

"We do what we always do. Play ball." Skinner said.

The American troops suddenly started to use dodge balls as a weapon by knocking each one out by the head. Their numbers started to lessen as the Americans play ball.

"There weapon is too powerful!" A Vietnamese yelled. "Start shooting, charge, or whatever! Fast!"

As Sergeant Skinner was about to use the dodge ball, Private Hank was suddenly shot multiple times.

"HANK!" Sergeant Skinner yelled.

* * *

"IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME!" Principle Skinner yelled in front of the children.

"I think you destroyed his brain." Allison whispered to Lisa.

"Now who wants to play a fight to the death.. I mean fun?" Principle Skinner asked.

Later in the cafeteria where all the children ate lunch, Lisa looked through her bag at a table and found no lunch at all.

"Where's my vegetarian lunch? Must've forgot.. Good thing I have some lunch money." Lisa said as she walked towards the Lunch Lady Doris at the counter of food.

She stood there until Lunch Lady Doris finally noticed her with her unwelcome expression on her face.

"Do you have some vegetables, fruit, tofu or at least something sweet?" Lisa asked.

"Translation please? I don't understand what these items are." Lunch Lady Doris didn't care one bit. "We don't have enough money to afford much food, okay little missy."

"But these other kids are enjoying their food." Lisa said.

"That's because it's all meat. Nental said he found a free way of obtaining protein. He never told us where he got it." Lunch Lady Doris said.

"Oh.. I'll just step back.. from the meat than.." Lisa feared of what the meat isn't an animal and seeing in disgust of what the children were eating.

She went back to the table hungry as there was no vegetarian meal. Ralph than walked by and dropped his lunch on Lisa's red dress.

"Ralph! I just got this clean!" Lisa yelled at Ralph.

"Look what we have here?" Francine, the red haired bully, said.

"Look what we have here? Look what we have here? Look what we have here?" Lisa said repeatedly with an awkward smile. "I've been tardy, had the principle go crazy, starving, and I just got my dress with filth all over it."

"Huh?"

"And guess what?" Lisa said.

"What?" Francine said, cracking her knuckles.

"I don't freaking care about your 'BLEEP!' attitude! Your just a low-life lonely girl who has nothing to do but to pick on other freaking kids! No one freaking cares about you!" Lisa yelled at Francine.

"I may be a bully but that was kind of hurtful..." Francine said with a sad look on her face.

"Lisa! What's going on here." Principle Skinner entered the cafeteria.

"Look at me. I'm Principle Skinner who does nothing but to spend all the school fundings, by getting hit by a bus, on toilet paper for his mother and guess what!" Lisa yelled at the principle.

"What's that young lady." Skinner stared at the girl.

"Your nothing but a 'BLEEP!' old-timing loser." Lisa spoke.

"Lisa! I heard people call me names before but I don't allow cursing in this school. Plus, you never curse. Still, I have to give you a punishment for this."

"Punishment? Here's your punishment." Lisa kicked Skinner right in the shin.

"Ow! You dirty little punk!" Skinner said but ended up getting kicked in the other shin by Lisa.

Suddenly Skinner fell to the ground with both shins hurt in strong pain and then got slammed on the face by Lisa's stone hard books.

"Whoa. Didn't know you had it in you." Bart walked to her.

"I know... but this never happened to me before. I mean, I punched a few people in face before but this just isn't me." Lisa said.

"Really? By the way. Have you seen Uter? You know. You know, the fat German boy who asks for food every second." Bart asked.

* * *

Uter Zorker was at the room of a hospital with Dr. Hibbert and Uter's Mother.

"Tell me again Mrs. Zorker. He ate an old piece of chocolate from a garbage can?" Dr. Hibbert asked.

"Yes. Just a day ago." Mrs. Zorker answered.

"Well, I can tell you that the chocolate he ate had some strange effects that I never seen before."

"Like what?"

"He may experience heavy sweating and a large hearing problem."

"Ow! Stop talking that loud!" Uter yelled as he was sweating like a pig.

"He may have a urine problem and vomit once a day."

Suddenly Uter wetted his pants and vomit on the floor.

"Uncontrollable gas problem and a strange craving for cat food."

Suddenly Uter started farted gas several times and said, "I smell cat food. Where the heck is it! Where is it!"

"And possibly a liking to listening that awful Hannah Montana music.. well to guys anyway.." Dr. Hibbert said. "There is also one more thing I must whisper to you."

As Hibbert whispered one more effect of the chocolate to Uter's mother, Uter yelled out, "Uncontrollable murder spree?".

"Dang it. I forgot about the large hearing problem he has. I really should say this outside of the room." Dr. Hibbert said.

* * *

"So what's your problem Lisa." Clancy Bouvier said sitting at a comfortable old chair of the old folk's home with Lisa in another chair and hold a cup of coffee in his hand.

"I came to you because I remember your always going berserk, cursing, beating people up because of.. well.. almost everything.." Lisa said.

"That's not true. You know I do.. HEY NURSE! WRONG COFFEE YOU 'BLEEEEEEEEEEEP!'. Anyway, what did you said again?" Clancy Bouvier said as he just cursed at the nurse for just a simple cup of coffee.

"Uh.. you know.. I went kind of berserk, cursed, and beaten up the principle at school.." Lisa said.

"Oh.. you must have the Bouvier gene." Clancy Bouvier said.

"Bouvier gene? Seriously. I keep hearing people having some special gene. Does every family have their own special gene?" Lisa said.

"Duh, all because of that nuclear power plant being there for years and years. Even than before that, there was still some kind of radiated area affecting people's inherited genes. You think that the kids here are raised to be like their parents in radiated Springfield? It's inherited." Clancy Bouvier said. "Anyway where was I. NURSE! GIVE ME MY DAMN COFFEE!"

"You have a real anger issue, Grandpa Bouvier." Lisa said.

"Yeah well your baby sister, Maggie already has the gene. Why else would she shoot Burns, besides that lollipop she wanted..."

* * *

It was nighttime, and The Simpsons, except Homer, along with Abe waited at the main entry room for Homer, Herb and his fiancée. As they waited, suddenly the doorbell rang. Marge quickly opened the door to see Herb and his fiancée but instead the family saw Homer at the door, drunk, held a barreled shotgun, and for some reason a steamed deer's antler in his hand.

"What was I doing again?" Homer said drunkenly.

"Uh... Homer... you can rest now..." Herb spoke behind Homer as he appeared in front of the family.

The two stepped in and Herb began to spoke.

"Meet my soon-to-be wife." Herb said as a woman stepped out from hiding, probably the bushes or just behind the walls, and stepped into the room.

"Hello. I'm Herb's fiancée and it's nice to meet you." The woman said who wore a purple dress and had long black hair.

"This is Monica and..."

"Uh.. yes.. but what happened to Homer?" Marge asked.

"Yeah... well.. you see.. we kind of had this bachelor's party before I went to bring Monica to your house and it ended up more of a... how do I put this... hunting down endangered species..." Herb worried of what he just said.

"I see... what did the cops think of this?" Marge said.

* * *

Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou were in the police car trying to hit an endangered buck in the middle of the vast bumpy woods as it try to ran away but they smiled for fun as Eddie was in the driver's seat. They finally hit the buck dead with the police car.

"That's some nice road kill boys." Wiggum said.

* * *

The next day was a beautiful day as Homer and Abe were walking by some buildings on the streets of Springfield.

"Man, Herb sure picked a great woman in her life." Homer said.

"Yep." Abe not caring one bit.

"She has so many talents. She can even put her whole fist in her mouth."

"Uh-huh." Abe still not caring what Homer has to say.

"She's going to be one heck of a wife.. and I don't just mean in bed, I mean helping around the house, get a good job, and has some great conversations."

"You do realize I don't care, right?" Abe asked not even looking at him.

"Well, not really... you know dad. I've notice that you and Herb haven't bonded at all." Homer said.

"Bond? Were okay. We may haven't seen each other for over thirty years but were still okay... I think..." A worried Abe looked at Homer.

"Why not try to bond when you have the chance? Anyway, I'm going to get some stuff at the Kwik-E-Mart." said Homer as he left Abe lonely on the streets.

"Now what am I suppose to do? Hey.. that's Monica." Abe said, seeing Monica in a laundry store, putting her laundry into a washing machine as she was talking through the phone.

"Maybe I should befriend Herb's fiancée, and then befriend Herb to show that I'm friendly to couples." Abe thought, entering the laundry store but he found out a little secret as well.

Abe decided to buy a box of soap before trying to befriend Monica so he can wash his shirt and pants which seemed to also be his only clothes with him but as he did, he eavesdrop on Monica's little conversation as getting a box of soap at a certain machine was not too far from Monica.

"Uh-huh. Well anyway I met his family and guess what? There a bunch of dysfunctional idiots. Especially that Homer guy." Monica chuckled through the phone.

Suddenly Abe wanted to hear more what Monica was talking through the phone.

"Marrying my 'love', or ticket, is going to be swell. I just got to divorce him later with half of the money in my possession and I'm back on my feet again." Monica grinned.

Abe stepped back from the so-called, "True Love", and stepped out of the laundry store as Monica took out all the clothes from the laundry.

"Who did this?" Monica yelled at the customers of the store because of all of her clothes being pink from the laundry machine.

"Oh, that would be me." Nental said pulling out a shirt with red blood stains on it. "This is my... costume for the... costume party."

"In April?" Monica said.

"Yes... anyway, I'll leave now." Nental slowly stepped back towards the exit of the laundry store.

* * *

Lisa was walking through the hallway again, but this time it was different. Most of the children were afraid of her because of last time with the bullies, Ralph, and Principle Skinner. She couldn't take the eyes that stare her and just stopped walking.

"I'm a good person, people! That was just one bad thing that happened yesterday." Lisa said.

Suddenly Ralph bumped into her again with a carton of chocolate milk. A second later, Lisa looked at her red dress and saw chocolate milk all over her dress.

"RALPH! YOU SON OF A 'BLEEP!'." Lisa yelled as she threw Ralph into an opened locker.

"Seriously. Where does these 'bleep' noises come from?" Bart said as the children watched.

Later the children stepped back even more and then they scattered away from her.

"What is the meaning of this?" Skinner said as he was now using underarm crutches due to the bones in his legs are now broken.

"Kicking you in the shin could not have done that... would it?" Lisa asked, both worried and depressed of the Bouvier gene.

"No, no Lisa... well, yes. You somehow manage to kick so hard that it not only hit my shins but... OW! Why did you do that?" Skinner yelled in pain as Lisa broke Skinner's left arm with a baseball bat. "Where did you got that bat!"

"I don't know!" Lisa yelled as she started to break Skinner's right arm with the bat.

"Why are you still doing this?" Skinner yelled angrily and painfully.

"I have no idea! Breaking things feel... addicting! At least that's what I think it is." Lisa replied back.

"Skinner got hurt by Nerd Lisa and Bully Lisa." Ralph said, still in the locker.

* * *

"Okay, why did you brought me here?" Herb asked in a grumpy voice as he and Abe were at a bench of the town's square.

"Your so called 'love' is not what you think it is. She's planning to divorce you after this marriage in order to have half your money." Abe said.

"Uh-huh... you've abandoned me for over thirty or forty years and you come to say that my fiancée is some greedy witch." Herb responded back.

"Well.. sure I've abandoned your for that many years, sure I've put you in that horrible orphanage, sure I've left you with unloving parents, sure I've haven't told Homer about this for over thirty nine years, sure I've..."

"I get the picture..." Herb stood up.

"You do. Does that mean you're going to stop the wedding later?" Abe asked.

"No. What you just says reminded how much of an old unforgiving man you are. A man who send me on a life of no love for the past years. I'm lucky to have a brother rather than you old man. Anyway, I have a wedding to go soon." Herb said picking up his new suit, only realizing something wrong with it. "Why is this suit pink?"

"Excuse me. I think I may have accidently dropped a large napkin in the pockets of that suit at the laundry store." Mr. Nental came by...

* * *

Marge was at the kitchen, washing dishes at the kitchen, as Maggie was eating yogurt at the table in her safe baby chair. Lisa entered the kitchen and went straight towards her mother for a certain question. She stood in front of her and Marge noticed the pointy blond hair beside her.

"What is it Lisa?" Marge asked.

"I talked to Grandpa Bouvier about a certain gene... you know... the Bouvier gene..." Lisa said.

"That's the gene that makes people erupt in anger easily and for some reason a little increase in strength..." Marge said washing forks and knives at the sink.

"Well, yes. I know, but I notice that you don't often go berserk all the time." Lisa said.

"That's because I take a special type of pill that represses stress. Has no side effects either and it can even be used for seven year olds."

"Really? When did you started taking these anyway?" Lisa said.

"Hrmm..." Marge looked at a certain picture taped to the fridge.

What was this picture? The picture showed Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Barney in Homer's purple car drunk, but it wasn't the usual drunkenness in these men. The picture revealed Barney throwing up, and Lenny showing his naked butt to the public through the car windows as they were in the vehicle that had a chain attached to the license plate. The other end of the chain was also tied to the statue of Jebediah Springfield as Homer was driving the car repeatedly. In other words, dragging the statue by a chain tied to it and attached to a moving car filled with drunken morons.

* * *

Abe Simpson was at the town hall again at the bench, alone this time with a certain purse.

"There's got to be evidence here in her purse to prove that Monica is just a phony." Abe said as he began to look through Monica's purse. "Let's see here... A list of schemes to get rich, a criminal file of quick-rich schemes, and a book of "How to sue Bill Gates"... where's the proof I need? What's this?"

After all the other stuff, Abe found a certain diary, but the information there wasn't just about her life.

"1989... divorced John Haroldson for a sum of 1 million dollars, 1991... divorced Jake Mandez for a check of 2.2 million dollars, 1994... divorced Krusty the Clown for everything he had... What else do we have here? Herb Powell, a sum of 2 million dollars. This is the proof I need." Abe said in joy. "Now I just got to hide the purse... or rather keep this purse forever. Wonder why it' so wet and red."

"Do I smell blood?" Mr. Nental walked by for a second.

* * *

Lisa stepped in the school hallways again, but this time because of the pills she took, she didn't go berserk like last time even though people were still afraid of her and backing towards the walls rather than being near her.

"Don't worry everyone. I'm not going ape anymore." Lisa said with a smile.

"Hey, Lisa." Bart walked up to her.

"What Bart?"

"I just wanted to know that I used your homework to feed to the dog to see if dogs really ate homework. Turns out they do." Bart said.

"Oh.. well that's okay Bart." Lisa twitched her eye a little.

"Also, I think I may have accidently destroyed one of your dolls during a prank yesterday. I think it was your favorite one, the brainiac Malibu whatever doll it is."

"Oh.. that's just okay... Bart..." Lisa twitched her eye and gritted her teeth.

"By the way... I also sold your cat Snowball to a drug dealer for the type of drugs that make people laugh too much. I'm going to put it in Skinner's coffee and..."

Suddenly Lisa couldn't take the rage anymore as the pills seem to lose its effect. Lisa became angry again as she strangled her older brother's throat.

"YOU SOLD MY CAT!" Lisa yelled at Bart as it was hard for the boy to breathe. She then stopped for a moment trying to calm down. "This gene is so overpowering... I'm sorry for trying to strangle you, but I just can't take it."

"It will be fine. Right after I watch the Star Wars Holiday Special I just got from Comic Book Guy before school started. It cost fifty bucks." Bart smiled.

"Dude. You just got ripped off." Handy came to the two.

"What do you mean?" Bart asked.

"That holiday special is even more worst than the prequel films. In fact, it was considered to be the worst holiday special ever made in television history. You just bought it for fifty bucks." Handy said.

"I don't believe it. I'm going to watch it and enjoy it." Bart said.

"Whatever." Handy left the two.

"By the way... who did you sold my cat to anyway?" Lisa asked.

* * *

Later at the music store called "The Feel".

"You see doctor. I have a drug problem." Ian the hippie, who was on a couch staring at the ceiling as he was talking about his problems. "Whenever I take drugs I instantly forget something. My cousin Otto has the problem but.. wait.. is he my cousin or my brother? Maybe were Siamese twins... or father and son? Maybe it's son and father or maybe were lost aliens from outer space... well were related somehow, doctor. Doctor?"

"Meow." Snowball, or "The doctor", responded back.

"Really? That's what I should do?"

"Meow." Snowball answered.

"Thanks doctor for that suggestion. Burning down Krustylu studios will help me after all." Ian smiled.

* * *

It was a beautiful day at the First Church of Springfield where a particular wedding was about to start. The Simpsons and Herb was also there as well with wedding gifts and fancy clothing's.

Later, Skinner entered the church but in a wheel chair through a nurse. This is because he had broken arms and legs. Hans Moleman came towards Skinner and said, "Now you know how I feel."

Abe came jogging to the middle of the church as this was urgent. He held Monica's diary for evidence.

"Herb! I have to tell you something!" Abe grabbed the man's arm.

"Dad. I'm Homer. Herb's right over there." Homer pointed at Herb who was chatting with Reverend Lovejoy.

Abe came running to Herb as he just finished his little chat with the priest.

"Herb. This is important. You need to know this, now!" Abe said.

"Wait, after the wedding old man." Herb responded with a unwelcome marked to his forehead.

"But, but!"

"I said 'wait!'. You ruined part of my life and I won't let you ruin this wedding. Now go sit!"

"Oh.. okay than.." Abe walked away towards the seats of the church.

Several minutes later, the wedding soon started as the groom and the priest were in front of the guests and the bride who just recently entered the chapel, slowly walked towards the groom. This seemed okay at first but Bart who sat next to Lisa at the front seat started to pinch Lisa in the arm just for a little amusement. Lisa tried to control her anger because this was a wedding but Bart wouldn't stop as no one was looking at the two. Pretty much everyone was looking at the bride who finally was next to the groom as the priest held a bible in front of the two. Bart continued to pinch Lisa until she couldn't take it anymore.

"THAT'S IT!" Lisa yelled furiously as the little nine-year old child actually lifted Bart and threw him with all her strength.

Bart was than flying for a short period of time towards Abe Simpson who screamed like the old man he was. The two were now at the ground as Monica's diary fell out of Abe's pockets and was sliding towards Herb Powell.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Lisa repeatedly spoke as Herb grabbed the diary.

"What is this..." Herb read the diary.

"What.. uh.. what your reading is not true.. I'm not marrying you for cash." Monica became a little worried and nervous.

"I didn't even mention what's in here." Herb looked at his so called 'love'. "You lied to me... this wedding is off..."

"Hotdoggity!" Abe jumped from the floor in excitement.

No one wasn't doing what Abe was doing and they all just looked at him as if Abe was crazy.

* * *

Herb was sitting outside on the grass leaning to the church's wall as he looked down at the ground.

"What's wrong Herby." Abe went to his older son.

"Nothing..." Herb sighed.

"... You know.. I'm sure you'll find true love someday... start a small family... maybe plant a nut in the seed and wait for a tree to grow... if only you could meet that someone." said Abe.

"You know... I still have the only but great dad here next to me." Herb smiled.

"Really? After all the hard times you've been through."

"Yep... still.. I wonder what it would've been like if you took me in.." Herb thought, but then stared at Homer scratching his butt, burping, and then drooling all over his shirt. "Yeah.. maybe I shouldn't think about it."

Lisa was walking on the church's grass peacefully until she got pinched by Bart again causing her to say, "Ow!".

"This is payback for throwing me at the wedding." Bart said.

Lisa responded back by punching Bart in the arm causing him to bump into someone.

"You still hit like a girl!" Bart yelled.

"Hey. Why'd you push me Bart." Nelson spoke, cracking his knuckles.

"Uh.. Nelson.. were still friends right?"

"Doesn't mean were enemies either..." Nelson responded back.

Lisa watched, smiled, and chuckled a little as Bart was getting beaten up by Nelson Muntz.

"Heh, heh... I also think like a girl." Lisa chuckled until he heard a familiar German accent voice.

She turned around to see Uter Zorker being arrested by the police.

"What did I ever do?" Uter said, being handcuffed by the police.

"You shot Apu with a gun for just a piece of chocolate and for some reason, a strange interest in Hannah Montana Music. Who the hell loves that crap... well besides girls. You're lucky that Apu survived the shot... just like the rest of the 786 shots he had before and one time that he almost hanged himself for watching James Cameron's speech at the Emmy awards." Chief Wiggum said.

"Everything still is the same in old idiotic Springfield." Lisa sighed.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"Don't do it man!" Milhouse yelled at Bart because he was about to hang himself for watching the Star Wars Holiday Special.

"I can't get it out of my head!" Bart yelled.

"It's not worth it! They just got the new Radioactive Man comic in stores." Milhouse said.

"Really? Well, what the hell am I'm doing right now. Let's go get the newest comic book." said Bart.


	36. Springfield, From Bad To Worst

In case you're from New York... you might be offended by this... but I have nothing against New York but the traffic there. In fact, there actually might be a little more than New York as well...

Also, this is not the 35th story. This is the 34th story. You may think it's the 35th due to that introduction being the first thing you see in the chapters. Also I have added three new gags which are all based on the new ones they have in today's Simpsons Seasons.

* * *

Opening Title Screen Gag: Homer as a Vampire flies through the skies over Springfield. A minute later God from heaven sends down lightning that shocks Vampire Homer into dust.

Billboard Gag: Martin is Missing... No Reward, Find him Dead or Alive

Chalkboard Gag: I will not give wedgies to Bill Gates, I will not give wedgies to Bill Gates

Couch Gag: The Simpsons ran towards the couch of the house only realizing that this is not there house as it is blue and a combination of the living room and the TV room.

"Hey, Peter I came in the mail and... You're not Peter." Brian Griffin of Family Guy spoke.

"AH! Talking Dog!" Homer screamed!

Worst Fanfiction-Made Couch Gag Ever... says Comic Book Guy

34th Story Summary: Springfield's image has gone worst ever since an award-winning horror movie was filmed there causing tourism to go downhill. Later, Springfield however successfully increases tourism but this also brings New Yorkers into the town which causes trouble to the people of Springfield.

* * *

It was ordinary day in FOX Studios as directors, producers, film crews, and businessmen's were working hard as usual under the sun... but in a certain office of FOX, there came a director who stepped into the office of the President of FOX angry like most people in California.

"President of FOX! We don't have enough money to produce my film!" The Director yelled at the President of FOX.

"How is this my problem? You're the one who spend all the money for that film." The President of FOX argued back.

He was a mean old man. You know how FOX was considered boring, stupid, and wrong. It wasn't always like that. They used to be cool back then. Now there just a bunch of evil businessmen.

"Spend all the money? You gave me three hundred dollars!"

"What do you expect? California is in its own economy crisis right now."

"So! I need a place to shoot this, cheap and looks like a real town."

"What about Springfield. I heard they hate FOX so much but they'll do anything to increase their tourism because there in a crisis of their own."

"Why are they in a crisis?"

The President of FOX held a magazine towards his face that said, "Springfield... THE ROUGHEST AND BARBARIC TOWN AROUND!"

"Uh.. that's just to attract business right? They don't actually mean it... right?" The director feared for his own safety.

"What do I care? This is FOX."

"You know... you used to be cool. When's the last time we ever went out to fish in the lake together? Back then, this was probably why The Sampsons beat the Bill Cosby show (Considered the best show in history back than) back then." The Director said in a serious tone.

"I grew up and became a success. Now you work under me! And me only!" He yelled.

"The president of DreamWorks has some good times still..." The director mumbled.

"What was that!"

"Nothing.. nothing.. President of damn FOX... so corruptive today.. used to be friends.. humph.."

* * *

The director sat in a fancy chair in Mayor Quimby's Office as they began to have some talks.

"So that's what I want to do. I want to film my movie here. It could increase tourism and we could win a lot of money out of just a little bit. Get the deal?" The director said.

"Wait a minute? Aren't you from FOX? I heard that they used to be cool and then they later became corrupt with power. That's probably why The Sampsons became slightly popular." Mayor Quimby spoke to the director.

"Oh finally! Someone understands me. I totally hate FOX, especially that Family Dude show."

"Family Dude is just popular because kids and teenagers are watching it for the adult comedy. The Sampsons will always be America's Favorite Family." Mayor Quimby said.

"Sometimes I think that all of FOX, every show, radio, film, producer, director, scriptwriter, everyone-!- needs to go back and look at there roots... like family, old problems and solutions, and daily values."

"I know." Mayor Quimby sighed.

"Well, at least you're not corruptive with power."

"Uh.. yes.. not corruptive.."

Suddenly a super model entered the office and said, "Oh mayor.. don't you want to come to bed with me?"

"Not now.." Quimby sighed in stress. "Anyway, this will increase tourism... right?"

"Yep. You can count on it."

* * *

Several months later...

"Oh god! Tourism has went even worst! How could this be!" Mayor Quimby yelled in his office as his female secretary stood next to him.

"Maybe because that the film was a horror slashed that actually scared so many people and has just won an award for being the best horror film in years." The female secretary.

"Er... ah... In other words.. people are too scared to even come to our town!" Mayor Quimby went surprised. "But our town could go bankrupt without the money of tourists! I could lose the election next time! And the supermodels I secretly left in bed pregnant could attack me when I'm not with guards! What am I going to do!"

"You could start a town meeting at Town Hall... of course..." The Female Secretary sighed.

"Good thinking! To the mayor mobile!"

Later at the parking lot...

"That's the Mayor Mobile?" The Female Secretary looked at a rusty car with no engine at all as she stand next to Mayor Quimby.

"Actually, that's Skinner's car. That's the mayor mobile." Mayor Quimby pointed at an even more rustier grocery cart which had only three wheels and had a few dents.

Suddenly the wind went strong and blew the grocery cart in pieces.

"Your joking right?"

"Joking? Er... Ah... I don't understand that word." Mayor Quimby responded back.

* * *

It was nighttime at Town Hall and everyone from Springfield gathered at the town meeting for suggestions to increase tourism.

"Anyone! Any ideas to increase tourism! We need to help Springfield now! And we must hurry!" Mayor Quimby yelled.

"We could build the tallest ice cream sandwich!" Abe suggested.

"We could destroy building and replace them with smoke bars." Krusty suggested.

"We could make a bigger cracker factory." Mr. Van Houten suggested.

I have an idea!" Marge stood up from the crowd of citizens.

"Oh god no.. It's Marge Simpson." One citizen said.

"What's she going to say this time..." Another Citizen spoke.

"Well, um.. your ideas.. are great.. but.."

"No mom. There all horrible." Lisa interrupted.

"Well we could actually make the town look more safe and ready for business." Marge said.

"That's what we're trying to do! Now what are you saying!" Mayor Quimby said.

"Well that's just the thing. It never has been safe or ready for business before that movie was ever made. We could create more jobs."

"More Jobs? Like that can ever happen." Mr. Burns laughed.

"We could make safer theme parks."  
"There's actually safe theme parks." Krusty smoked

"Lower prices on every product there is."

"Who the hell would want to do that?" Apu stood up.

"We could also show that Springfield is a great place for business through the ads of today's popular culture."

"You mean like HRD Motorcycles?" Abe suggested.

"Grandpa. That company is so old that it closed down a long time ago." Marge said. "This is what I mean. You people never tried these things. In fact, I bet you never even tried to make this place safe in the first place."

"It was during the Great Depression." Abe spoke. "What people didn't know is that pretty much everyone's money went towards Springfield by accident. Everyone had a hard time finding the town in such a time. Not even I know where it is and I'm living here!"

"Uh-huh... Anyway, we should try to do all these things that other towns and businesses are doing. This could increase tourism." Marge said.

"Well.. the chick with the unique hairdo has a point.. Anyway, All in favor for Marge's ideas that are totally strange and new to us, say I." Mayor Quimby spoke through the microphone.

Everyone began to yell out "I!" repeatedly that not even Mayor Quimby can hear his thoughts about chicks in a sun tanning salon. Though one person did say "No.". Still, It was so loud that Homer Simpson who was at the town meeting couldn't hear his thoughts about salami being cooked at a sun tanning salon, which was similar to Quimby's thoughts.

* * *

It was a beautiful morning and Homer stepped out of his house just to get his newspaper that is until he stopped and just stood there as if something was wrong.

"This smell... it smells familiar... I know this smell anywhere! New Yorkers!" Homer did his girlish screamed as suddenly a group of cars of New Yorkers started to come in on the roads of Springfield.

Some were looking for jobs, to spread there business, to live in new places, or tourism of course.

As Homer watched these New Yorkers in their fancy cars passing by he just grunted at them, not liking one bit of them. Bart stepped out of the house to see what was going on and saw people, mostly businessmen, in cars.

"What's going on?" Bart said.

"It seems your mother's ideas actually worked but I didn't expect New Yorkers to come here, Springfield's oldest enemy."

"I thought Shelbyville was your oldest enemy."

"Fine, New York is our second oldest enemy..." Homer sighed.

"Plus, I thought we were taught to be nice to each other." Bart asked.

"Hey, Texas gets to hate Arkansas and Oklahoma and you don't see anyone arguing about that, plus where the hell did you learn something like that in this neighborhood?" Homer said.

"Hi their diddly neighborinos." Ned said.

"It was you! I'll get you stupid Flanders!" Homer started to chase Ned as the old Christian started to run for his life.

* * *

Bart entered the Kwik-E-Mart seeing no one there but Apu working at the counter.

"Hello there young customer. What would you like?" Apu said.

"A squishee my good man. Make it double the flavor." Bart handed him fifteen bucks.

"Good choice there. Anyway, here you go and Please, don't come again." Apu said but something was different of what he said.

"Uh.. wait a minute.. did you said, 'don't come again'?" Bart asked.

"Uh.. yes.. these new businesses are trampling on this one. Even then, these New Yorkers are trying to take my job and will work at any salary. This is my last day working here. How am I going to pay for the apartment, the family, and the new plasma screen TV I just bought yesterday." Apu said.

"That is bad." Bart drank his squishee.

"It's not just me little boy. It's other businesses and jobs owned by Springfieldians." Apu said. "Just look at them, there even sitting on the parking lots with their families."

Bart looked through the glass doors and saw many Springfieldians Families on the parking lot because of these different people from a different location of America.

Bart left the Kwik-E-Mart seeing Milhouse on the floor as a New Yorker entered the store.

"So what kind of grub you got here bub?" The New Yorker said to Apu.

"Bub? I don't understand what you're saying? Is it English or what? Anyway, Please Go to Hell if you don't want to purchase anything." Apu said.

Meanwhile, Bart ran to Milhouse who was with his parents on the parking lot.

"Milhouse, buddy. What happened." Bart said.

"These New Yorkers took my dad's job for an cheaper salary and now that my dad has no job, he can't pay the mortgage. He tried to at least get a job as a pizza man but every New Yorker pretty much took most of the jobs. Were now homeless and living in a parking lot. Now I know how people felt about immigrants coming to America back then." Milhouse said.

"We just found an enemy worst than Shelbyvillians." Bart said. "We Springfieldians should have another town meeting about this, tonight!"

* * *

It was nighttime again and the town meeting was for Springfieldians who lived here over a month. They were outraged of what has happened in this town.

"Settle down people! Were still have an increase of money for Springfield." Mayor Quimby.

"Yeah, but those New Yorkers are receiving the money! We should kick them out!" Skinner yelled.

"Yeah." Krusty agreed. "Not only that they brought in Burger King, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut, and several other fast food chain restaurants that beats mine! I'm going broke now that they have to bring their studios into Krustylu studios!"

"What about us Middle-Class Men who have families to feed?" Homer yelled.

"This town has gone in an uproar. Oh please Jesus. If you give me an miracle of some sort, I will stop cheating on my wife." Mayor Quimby said.

"Jesus won't fall for that you know." Quimby's female Secretary said.

As the crowd kept on arguing, one of Quimby's guards ran to him and whispered something to his ear.

"Oh god! The New Yorkers bought all of Springfield!" Quimby yelled through a microphone. "Woops.. I shouldn't have said that should I."

"Still, we did bought Springfield." A man stood up from the crowd.

"Wait a minute... a grey fancy hat, business outfit, and a silver grey wrist watch... he's a New Yorker!" Homer yelled.

"Hold on there a minute. We're just going to help your town with a few changes. Well a few but big changes that is." The New Yorker chuckled. "Were going to just destroy your town and build Little New York. It's going to be a town version of New York where everything is business, work, and no play time at all. Maybe a few jokes and some TV during break but most of the time it's work, work, and work."

"I can't stand you New Yorkers! We Springfieldians should do what we do best! Beat the hell out of these folk!"

"Homer's right! Were not just called Roughest and Barbaric Town for nothing." Moe said as the Springfieldians formed a group.

They were about to attack the single individual New Yorker until Lisa stopped them.

"Violence isn't going to solve it! It's just going to make it worst. Weren't we taught to love and work with each other peacefully in a non-violent town?" Lisa said.

"The girl is right!" Barney said as everyone agreed.

"Wait a minute? Why would a bunch of Springfieldians would agree to that?"

"The adults you got there drank too much beer after their rage against New Yorkers, duh." The New Yorker spoke.

"Nobody asked you!"

"Still, please don't go violent against them. There American just like us aren't they? They were from the original thirteen colonies. And we still has some things in common too." Lisa said.

"You mean like TV, beer, fast food restaurants, and Weird Al music?" Homer said.

"Well... yes, but we all love the word freedom. Isn't that's what America all about?" Lisa said.

"Not me. I'm a believer in communism. I was adopted by Chinese parents." The New Yorker he interrupted.

"Seriously. You really do have to shut up." Homer still becoming angry at New Yorkers.

"Dad. Please don't form a mob to attack them. You'll make Springfield look worst if you did that."

"... Fine sweetie... I'll do it for you... and that poor cripple old man... that I crippled..." Homer sighed as he waved his eyes back and forth but he really wanted to attack New Yorkers so badly.

* * *

The Simpsons were at the table eating peacefully... but also quietly as well... None of them said a word after what happened at the town meeting. Lisa looked at the family feeling like she should say something.

"So, uh.. I hear Illinois has a Springfield of their own there. We could move there if we want..." Lisa said, but this just made things worse as the Simpsons have lived here all there life.

Marge stood up from the table and left the dining room as everyone watched her.

"I can't take it anymore. There's got to be something we have to do..." Bart yelled.

Meanwhile, Marge was walking in the living room remembering how it all began and how it all continued.

"That's where Bart threw up for the first time." Marge looked at the floors

Marge than looked at the clean walls.

"That's where Lisa wrote her ABC's on the wall. She was so little. Took so much paint after that." Marge spoke once again.

She than looked at the chimney with a bullet hole in one of the bricks.

"That's where Maggie figured out how a gun works right after she shot Mr. Burns." Marge sighed.

"Is something wrong honey?" Homer entered the living room.

"I.. I don't know.." Marge looked at the floor.

"Your eyes are leaking." Homer looked at Marge who had a few tears dropping out of her eyes

"Oh.. what are we going to do?" Marge cried.

Homer didn't want to see Marge cry, in fact he didn't want to see the whole family.. no.. the whole town in sadness and tears but more importantly his family. Homer stood up with a serious expression on his face and spoke.

"You know Marge! For once! I'm not actually going to think about monkeys fighting each other! I'm thinking serious for the first time!" Homer yelled. "Marge. I want you to gather everyone in Springfield. I just had an idea."

* * *

The New Yorkers were in construction vehicles as morning rose ready to wreck Springfield from the face of the Earth, but there was a problem when they arrived.

"What's going on here?" The leader of The New York Community asked.

"What the hell are they still doing here?" A New Yorker said as they saw the whole population of Springfield in front of them blocking the roads.

"We won't let you destroy our town!" Homer yelled through a megaphone.

"Just run them over." The leader said.

"Uh.. sir.. as long as this town is filled with a large amount of people, we can't do anything.. they have to leave this place and running them down is murder. They can sue us to if they even survive." A New Yorker said to him.

"Dang it... What are we going to do and.. wait a minute.. why do some of them look like there in pain and gripping their stomachs tightly." The leader asked.

One of the New Yorkers grabbed some binoculars to see what was going on.

"It appears there starving... We New Yorkers who took their job must've affected there starvation as well as they don't have the money to buy food... hey there's also a cute Leprechaun with a... Molotov Cocktail!"

The leprechaun threw his Molotov Cocktail at the dump truck as the New Yorkers began to jump out of the vehicle. A minute later, the truck exploded.

"Stupid Springfieldians! But still... this gives me an idea... ever heard of Mad Pig Disease?"

"I thought it was called Mad Cow Disease."

"Actually there two very different things. Let's show how friendly we are..." The leader smiled with a devious plan to his sleeve.

* * *

The next day in the morning, Lisa woke up but she was starving as she couldn't buy any food from the stores and most of the organic food is outside of Springfield, but she notice that no one else was starving as they were eating meat.

"Oh.. it may be meat but do they have to eat it in front of me?" Lisa thought. "Wait a minute? Where did they got this meat?"

"Hey my little girl. Are you doing alright?" Homer stood in front of her.

"What? No! I'm a vegetarian and I can't eat any of this." Lisa said.

"Whatever. I'm eating all the pork, hotdogs, and ham around here. Looks like those New Yorkers aren't so bad after all." Homer smiled.

"Wait? Doesn't this seem suspicious." Lisa asked.

"What do you mean sis." Bart entered the conversation.

"Besides the fact that the New Yorkers hand food to us, all the food is not only meat but meat made from pigs. I don't see anything here made of buffalo, chicken, or cow." Lisa said. "What could they be up to?"

"Who cares. Were saved from starvation and... Oh right..." Homer looked at an angry Lisa who was starving as she needs vegetables and fruit or at least sweets.

It was another normal day as Lisa woke up again, however it only looked normal at first sight. She looked again and saw every Springfieldians around her sick and on the ground in pain.

"What happened now?" Lisa said as she ran to her family.

"Can't feel bladder..." Homer wetted his pants.

"This must've been the meat. There must been some kind of disease... maybe it's..."

"It's Mad Pig Disease." Grandpa Abe Simpson said in pain as he was on the ground.

"Grandpa! How do you know this?" Lisa said.

"I had this before." Abe answered.

"But this disease has no cure."

"Oh yes it does or I wouldn't be here... meet Old Long John... who lives in Shelbyville... Tell him that I sent you and that I said, 'Go Suck on a lemon.'. He has the cure and hurry. This disease can bring death. AH! I see him right now!" Abe screamed.

"Grandpa. That's a rabbit." Lisa sighed.

"AH! Death!" Abe yelled again.

"That's just me Grandpa."

"Oh my god! My granddaughter is Death! Get away from me!"

Lisa just sighed and roll her eyes around.

* * *

Lisa was walking through the suburbs of Shelbyville looking for the address. It took some time and she was still starving from hunger but she finally made it to the correct house. It was brown and made of logs as well. She went towards the door of the house and knocked on it. The door opened revealing an Native American.

"Old Long John is the name. Do you have any business with me?" Old Long John the Native American spoke.

"Go Suck on a lemon." Lisa just stared at him.

"Abe sent you? Didn't he?" He asked.

"How do you know?"

"Every month he sends me some kid who tells me this crap. Anyway, what did Abe do now? Did he ran over someone again?"

"What? No. He would never do that... after the last three months..." Lisa had a fake chuckled. "But I did came here for a reason. I'm Lisa Simpson, the granddaughter of Abe Simpson. He sent me here because he told me that you have a cure to Mad Pig Disease."

"Let me guess. New Yorker Problem?" Old Long John said.

"Yeah.. are you psychic?"

"What? Heck no. We just had a New Yorker problem here a few days ago. There really annoying you know but come in, come in." Old Long John said.

* * *

Several hours later, Old Long John had a stone cup of the cure he made. It was liquid and brown too.

"Is the cure an old ancient Indian remedy?" Lisa asked staring at the stone cup filled with the liquid cure.

"What? Hell no. That's a just bunch of lies and trickery. The cure is made up of Buzz Cola, Duff, some coffee, and a few pills to it."

"What about the children. They aren't allow to drink alcohol."

"Look. Do you want them to be sick and die or do you want them to be drunk and alive?"

"Well, drunk and alive but can the pills work in water?" Lisa asked.

"Uh.. what is this water you asked?" Old Long John asked as he did not knew what water is. Perhaps he knows what it is but not in English.

* * *

Meanwhile at the old abandon factory where all the New Yorkers are staying for their plans to take over Springfield completely.

"This is going well... soon there will be no Springfieldians left and it will soon be ours." The Leader of the New York Community spoke with an evil laugh through his sinister mouth.

"Um... we have a problem.." A New Yorker said.

"What is it?"

"Come look outside of the factory.

A group of New Yorkers decided to see what's going on outside, and so they did. What they saw was not a part of their plan at all. They saw hundreds of New Yorkers sick.

"What is this?" The Leader said.

"Some jackass New Yorker accidently dumped the infected meat into the healthy meat. Now our own kind is.. well.. infected.." One of The New Yorkers spoke.

"But.. but what will we eat?"

"What about fruit?" A New Yorker asked.

Suddenly everyone pulled pistols at him as they don't liked fruit. That one New Yorker who suggested that swallowed his throat and was sweating nervousl due to the pistols that pointed at him...

* * *

Springfield looked like it was near it's doom as every Springfieldian was sick and near death. Could they survive the disease or will they end up like road killed meat?... Mmm... Road Kill...

"Oh.. where's Lisa with that cure?" Abe said next to the sick family who were all on the sidewalks.

"I'm here!" A voice was heard.

"Lisa! Is that you! Where are you!" Abe said.

"I'm right in front of you Grandpa." Lisa spoke in front of the old man.

"AH! Death!" Abe said.

"Uh.. yes.. anyway, 'Go suck up to your mother, you old time fool.'." Lisa said to Grandpa.

"That sounds like Old Long John alright. You must've got the cure." Abe said.

"Yep. Special Pills and water."

"Uh.. what's water?"

"Just take the pills Grandpa..."

* * *

"Sir! Sir! I have news!" A Female New Yorker ran to The Leader of the New York Community as he was continuing his plans in the factory.

"What is it?" The Leader said.

"There is a cure to this disease and the Springfieldians have it."

"Ask what they want for this cure."

"They already did. The town is what they want." She responded back.

"The town? Risk the construction of Little New York? No way!" The Leader selfishly gave his response.

"But the community is dying. We need the cure right now! Even the dumb moron who caused this has the disease."

"Actually I have malaria." The dumb New Yorker came up to the two. "Wait a minute.. that's much worst.."

"No, no, NO! I'm not going to give up this town to those lousy rednecks, you got that! Now you can just forget about it and.. what the?" The Leader looked towards his wife.

She was coughing and was in pain as she slowly walked to her husband.

"What happened to you?" The Leader asked.

"I don't 'COUGH! COUGH!'... know. I just took a bite out of some pork and the next thing I'm.. "COUGH! COUGH!" sick..." His Wife spoke.

"Dang it.. Does it really have to come to this?" The leader sighed in stress and frustration. "Fine... Call them for negotiations for the cure and the town... Little New York would probably turn into a city very quickly anyway."

* * *

Homer and The Leader of The New York Community sat at a table with several Springfieldians and New Yorkers.

"So that's the deal than? The town, a big fat check once an year, and we have to spoil Shelbyville's resources." The Leader said as he signed a contract.

"Yep, and an infected piece of ham too." Homer said.

"What? Why would you want that disease again?" The Leader said.

"Hey, they actually taste better and we have a cure now."

"What's wrong with your father?" The Leader asked Bart.

"No one knows." Bart gave his opinion.

The Leader of the New York Community turned his head back to Homer as he finished signing the deal.

"Well, I guess we should be going now."

"Yep, you know. I kind of thought about what Lisa said in the past days. Were all Americans. Sure, every kid in a Los Angeles school carries guns whether there a Jock or Nerd, sure everyone sues everyone in Washington, and sure Alaska makes fun of everyone for having some great resources, but were all American. What we really should do is ban immigrants from other countries!"

"Dad!" Lisa yelled at him.

"Okay, we won't ban immigrants... I guess will all have to live in peace together." Homer said

* * *

Several months later at another town meeting.

"Favor for the new law to give tourists and businessmen from other countries or states of the USA a hard time?" Mayor Quimby said.

"I!" Everyone spoke including Homer, but not Lisa who just grunted that the town has started to change in a more... let's say more meaner than the schools in Mexico.

* * *

(Extra Scene Song)

"_Old Springfield. Old Springfield a Barberic Town to live where Old Yelling Homer Waved his fist."_

_"Some of Springfields Hobbies include burning down buildings drunk, running over people drunk, and sleeping floor like drunks."_

_"But these drunks are not notorious compared to the El Barto. In fact, all of Springfield maybe all a bunch of "BLEEP!"_


	37. Love is Cracked Open, Homer Part I

This here is going to be a three-parter and not only that this is the 35th story in the fanfiction. Not only that there will be Naked Gun Parody Opening Sequences for each of the parters. Naked Gun is a hilarious film series that was spawn from a TV show if you don't know what it is, very great movie series. I got the idea after seeing the intro sequence of the movies and a whole live-action, graffiti-korean, Christmas, and the Treehouse of Horror opening sequence. After these sequences, I will go back with the bill board, intro, chalkboard, and couch gags.

* * *

Naked Gun Version Opening Sequence 1: A first-person view of a police car flies in the sky. It lands on the ground as it heads towards Jimbo and Kearney at the Jebediah Springfield. It rans over the two and crashes to the statue causing it's head to fall off, but is still driving as it heads to a ramp.

This causes it to fly in the flyand destroy through a billboard and crashes through the Springfield Elementary School Window where Bart spots it and stops writing, "I will not laugh at dead Celebrities. I will not laugh at dead Celebrities".The car continues to drive as Bart gets his skateboard and gets away from it to the hallways. It's as if the car is now chasing Bart Simpson through the hallways. Bart runs past Willie, Edna, and Skinner while the car just runs over them as if it was unstoppable and it still continues to chase Bart as the two now exit the building and in a playground where many children try to run away from the crazy car.

Bart who is now in the town has past by Sideshow Bob, Helen Lovejoy, Apu, , Disco Stu, Crazy Cat Lady, Rich Texan, and Wiggum who all either jump out of the way or get ran over by the police car. The police car continues to chase Bart as he makes it into his house and shuts the door, but the police car crashes through the door and into the TV room where The Simpsons are altogether at the couch as they have been tipped over by the police car. It than backs up and destroys the TV that says, "FOX!".

Story 35 Synopsis: Homer is worried that Moe and Marge has something going on... which later leads to worst problems. Maybe even more.

* * *

It was a beautiful morning in old Springfield, at the Simpsons house. Marge was cooking up three meals for breakfast in the kitchen. Not for the kids as two of them, Bart and Lisa, already ate and entered the kitchen to get their prepared lunch boxes.

"Here you go kids." Marge smiled, giving the two youngsters plastic lunch boxes. One with a sandwich of bologna and cheese and the other one with a celery stick of peanut butter and raisins.

"Thanks mom!" Bart and Lisa said at the same time as they received there lunch boxes for the school day.

As the two left, Homer came into the entrance of the kitchen from a bad sleep, smelly, and unorganized... well, he wasn't unorganized or organized because he wasn't even wearing clothes but underwear.

"Uh.. Hello Margo." Homer said.

"It's Marge." Marge corrected Homer, setting his three meal breakfast on the table.

"No, I meant Margo. Margo the rat on top of your hair." Homer pointed at a grey crooked rat on top of his wife's tall blue hair.

"AHH!" Marge screamed trying to get the rat off her hair, but it was stuck.

"Eh.. Can't I have one day with no noise!" Homer yelled as he swiped the rat from her hair.

"Whew.. I wonder how that rat got there?" Marge wondered.

"How would I know. I got to go to work." Homer said.

"But you're not dressed for work and you haven't had your meal."

"I just did." Homer ate the rat from his hand.

"Ew.."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll dress myself in the car. I'm going to work now." Homer said, still not in a good mood as he picked up a set of clothes for the day.

"Okay, but can you..."

"Bye!" Homer left not hearing what Marge had to say.

She sighed for a moment and then decided to go get "The Springfield Times" newspaper that is probably waiting in front of the door.

As Marge went towards the door and opened it by the knob, she saw Moe about to grab her newspaper on the door mat and then he looked straight at her.

"Uh.. this is awkward.." Moe said.

"Are you trying to steal my newspaper Moe?" Marge asked as she looked at Moe with the newspaper in his hand.

"Uh.. I was just.. going to give you the newspapers.. damn it.."

"What was that?"

"Uh.. nothing." Moe worried. "Hey, you look a little beaten from life. Maybe I could just have a talk with a friend for some time."

"Talk with me? Why?"

"No reason."

"Oh well.. Come in Moe." Marge sighed, thinking that her day is going to become worst and that she may have to take a bottle of wine for some time.

* * *

Homer entered his workplace wearing his usual clothing at the Nuclear Power Plant as he was talking over what happened in the morning with Lenny and Carl.

"I can't get to work because she keeps on nagging me, wants me to chow a three-meal breakfast when I'm late, and dress appropriately, whatever that means." Homer complained this problem over to Lenny and Carl.

"That can't be true." Carl questioned.

"Yeah, since when do you give up a three-meal breakfast?" Lenny asked.

"Whatever. At least I got here on time." Homer replied.

"Uh. Homer. It's actually time to go to home." Carl pointed at the clock that said, "3:59".

"Than what the heck am I working in this crap hold."

"Homer. You just said you wanted to be on time for work." Lenny reminded the man.

"I never said I liked it."

"Eh, that's good enough for me."

* * *

Homer parked his car at the garage of his house and stepped out of the driver's seat like any working man would. He began to walk his way towards the main entrance of the house and put his hand on the door knob. He opened it and began to walk in and past by a room where he heard two voices and the dog barking.

"Hi Homer." Marge smiled as she was glad to see her husband comeback.

"Hi ya there Homer." Another voice was spoken.

"Hi Marge. Hi Moe. Hi Santa's Little Helper.." Homer said until he just realized something. "Wait a minute?... Since when do we have a dog?... Oh, and that Moe is here. Wait a minute.. Moe, shouldn't you run around crazy and cause panic at the hippie fest?"

"At first I was going to.. uh.. but I handed the newspaper to Marge, but than a little later we started to have some friend to friend talk. That's all. Nothing a biggie." Moe said.

"So there's nothing between you two?" Homer stared at Moe with a serious look.

"Yep." He replied.

"Oh. That's good enough for old Homer. Wait a minute. Why did you wanted to hand her the newspaper?"

"I.. uh.. felt like it.." Moe hesitated for a little while.

"Okay... Wait a minute. Why did you hesitated for some time?"

"No reason."

"Oh, okay than... Wait a minute. Someone still hasn't told me when did we had a dog." Homer said with a serious look again.

"Your always like this... You can at least ask how my day was." Marge asked, wanting something at least one good thing from Homer.

"How was your day Honey?" Homer listened to Marge's words.

"Well you see it was actually a good da..."

"Yeah, yeah. Going to watch TV now." Homer headed to the TV room as Marge looked at him angry for not listening.

She went back to talking to Moe as Homer began to lazily watch TV on the couch.

"You know how some people say that eating pigs are bad for all religions including Christianity?" Marge said.

"Yeah but.. Hold on a minute. I got a phone call here." Moe picked up his cell phone.

He dialed a number in there and suddenly a voice sprung up from the phone.

"Hello. Is this Hoot Y. Er?" A child's voice was heard.

"Hoot Y. Er. Yeah, wait a minute." Moe said. "Hey Marge? Do you know a Hoot Y Er. A Hootyer. It's a hooter of some sort. Wait a minute."

Moe suddenly realize who it is.

"If I find you little punk, I swear I will tear your eyes out, feed them to you so you can see what your insides are going to look like in the next thirty seconds you little punk!"

"Oh dear." Marge said as Moe turned off his cellphone and grunted that this child can stop bugging him.

"Sorry. It's this kid who sends me prank phone calls all the time."

"You're not actually going to rip the child's eye balls out."

"Nah. I just do that to scare him so he won't come back... which I've done for now four or five years now... and he's still doing it!... Maybe I should rip his eyes out... worked with the last guy who joked around that I won a million dollars..."

* * *

It was the next day of work and Homer was sleeping, snoring, and sitting in his chair at Sector G-7, goofing off during his work time. As Homer was sleeping, Mr. Burns and Smither's entered Homer's workplace seeing him being lazy and whispering, "Your so sexy. Yes you are sexy little roast duck. I could just eat you up."

"That is gross." Mr. Burns disgusted of what Homer said. "Smither's. The hot sauce please."

"Yes sir." Smither's held a bottle of hot sauce and poured it into Homer's mouth.

"Roast duck is so.. spicy.." Homer slept until he woke up immediately. "Wait a minute? Spicy Hot Sauce! I ordered the sweet kind! AHH! IT BURNS!"

"Settle down. Here's your paycheck." Mr. Burns held Homer's paycheck sealed in an envelope.

Homer took the envelope, opened it, and saw his payday but disappointed.

"This paycheck is very low sir." Homer not looking very happy.

"It's low because you keep on goofing off Mr. Yaltzirhower!" Mr. Burns yelled at him.

"Wait a minute. Mr. Yaltzirhower works below this floor. I'm Homer Simpson. Why can't you remember my name?" Homer said.

"Simpson? Oh sorry... than this is your real paycheck." Mr. Burns handed the real paycheck to Homer and took back Yaltzirhower's.

"What the? This is even lower than the one you just gave me!" Homer yelled.

"I've had an extra boost in memory from my last brain surgery! I now remember how much you goof off Mr.. What's your name?"

"Simpson." Homer sighed and answered in sorrow.

"Yes. Mr. Simpson. You'll be getting low paychecks for the rest of your life working here until you can prove you don't goof off, Safety Inspector!" Mr. Burns yelled and than grinned and laughed at him.

"Oh.. why?" Homer whined.

"Now get back to work you unlovable oaf." Mr. Burns ordered the fat man.

Mr. Burns and Smither's turned around as they were about to leave only to see Lenny and Carl in front of them.

"What are you staring at you mumbling defiant morons. Get back to work!" Mr. Burns yelled at the two.

Mr. Burns and Smither's left as Carl and Lenny went to Homer.

"Man. I wish someone could just punch him right in the face." Carl said with an angry look.

"Yeah, well what are you going to do?" A calm Lenny spoke.

"A low paycheck? Oh well... at least Marge is happy back at home." said Homer.

"Wait? Happy? Why?" Carl asked.

"Oh. She's been chatting with Moe a lot about her problems, life, and other things."

Suddenly Carl and Lenny looked at each other and then at Homer with an unpleasant expression to their faces. Homer looked at the two thinking that something bad might have gone wrong.

"What? Is.. Is there something wrong?" Homer shuddered with worry.

"Homer. I don't know how to put this, but..."

Suddenly an employee of the Nuclear Power Plant walked by and said, "Wife Problems, eh? Had that too you know."

"Will you get out of here Yaltzirhower! Man, you can be annoying sometimes." Lenny said angrily.

"Fine. Fine." Mr. Yaltzirhower walked away.

Homer realized what Lenny and Carl meant and he stared at them with more worry.

"You don't think Marge is in love with another man, do you?"

* * *

Homer came rushing through the house looking for evidence to see if Moe and Marge had a thing going on. He rushed through the kitchen, the living room, the basement, attic, TV room, dining room, bathroom, even the kids room but found nothing until he looked in one more place. The Master Bedroom of the house itself.

"Please. Please God that there's nothing going on between them." Homer thought to himself with pressure as he began to sweat nervously hoping that what he thought was wrong.

He just stood there the next minute seeing underwear on the bed. It wasn't his as his underwear was three times or possibly four times the size of this. Even worst, it had Moe's name on it and not only that... there was a bra on the floor near the bed.

Homer felt different emotions in his head. Sorrow, fear, worry, but the most common in men... anger.

"Damn you Moe." Homer waved his fist as he left the room.

He entered the hallway of the second floor seeing Bart passing by, whistling.

"What's up Homey old boy?" Bart asked.

"I'm not in a good. Mood. Today." Homer spoke in a way that may have seem slight or high anger in his thick skull of his.

As Homer left, Bart entered the master bed room seeing Moe's underwear.

"There it is. The underwear made of sandpaper in the insides that I'm going to put in Moe's closet tomorrow. It's not even Moe's underwear but looks exactly like his in almost every way. Even has his name on it." Bart laughed expecting hilarious results. "What's Mom's clothes doing on the floor? Must've left it there days ago when Homer says that he and Mom are, 'expressing love', whatever that meant. She must've forgot to put it in the laundry due to talking to Moe in the past days."

* * *

"_Cleaning. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Cleaning. Cleaning the bar, oh yes yes. Cleaning the bar. Cleaning. Clean..."_ Moe sang as he was cleaning his bar with an old rag, as his friends and several other people were drinking... that is until Homer came bursting in with anger.

"MOE! I would like to have a 'talk' with you." Homer said as Lenny and Carl were looking at each other knowing what this meant. "My wife had an affair.. with you!"

"What? What the heck are you talking about? Why would she go with someone ugly that works at a bartender, like me?" Moe said.

"Hey. People say I'm ugly, bald, and fat but Marge doesn't care when she married to me." Homer said.

"Uh.. she fell in love with you when you had hair, still handsome, and was thin. Now your an ugly oaf barging in here and scaring my customers. Here have a beer. It's on the house." Moe said.

"No way Moe. This is personal."

"Wait? You don't want a free beer? Something really must be up. Look, Homer. I swear I didn't do anything to your wife of yours. I just wanted to have a talk with someone kind and nice that I wouldn't stab right in the eye." Moe replied.

"You think I'll believe that?" A furious Homer shouted at Moe.

Homer grabbed a glass bottle and hit it right on the counter turning that bottle made for drinking into a sharp weapon, but Moe quickly pulled out his shotgun aiming at him first as a warning.

"Look, Homer. Your my friend and everything but if you dare try to pull that broken bottle to my face again! I will have no choice but to shoot!" Moe yelled.

"Jesus, this is starting into one of those more dangerous bar fights with loud arguments." Lenny whispered to Carl.

The angry Homer stared at Moe who was also angry for being accused of something he didn't do. Homer lowered his weapon and spoke.

"Fine, Moe. Have it your way, but you will regret what you did. I will have payback and I'm taking this duff bottle with me!"

"Fine. I said it's on the house so be it." Moe lowered his weapon.

Homer left the bar with a beer bottle in his hand as Moe began to clean the mess on the floor that Homer caused here in the bar.

"Man, Homer seemed serious after you knocked up his wife." Lenny said as Carl and the other customers stared at Moe picking up the glass on the floor.

"I didn't knock.. wait a minute.. do you know something about why Homer just barged into my bar like some Russian Madman Grand Duke of some maniacal throne?"

"Uh.. maybe.." A worried Carl retorted.

"I say, always comparing it to the Russians. Blame the Russians. It was the Russians. You Americans did bad things to you know!" A Drunken Russian Madman Grand Duke said as he laid his forehead on the counter.

"Who let that guy in here?" Barney burped.

"Oh, he just bursted into the bar like any Russian would." Carl said. "Hey? Is he breathing? Oh Jesus..."

* * *

It was just one of those days that Homer didn't felt being alive, especially drunk in the dark parts of Springfield. The man was so drunk that he carried a switchblade with him for protection especially when the dark parts were filled with criminals.

"Stupid Moe.. stupid Marge.. what do they think they know.. think they can keep their little affair from me.. there damn wrong!.." The drunken crazy Homer spoke to himself. "If Marge really loves Moe why not they live together?, huh! HUH! Stupid love. No right to be!.. They can just all go to hell!.. Oh, why did I say that! Please God, don't kill Moe or Marge. I didn't mean it!... Huh? What do you want?"

The Drunken Homer stood before Police Chief Wiggum and his two well-known men in the police force, Lou and Eddie.

"You look drunk, Simpson. How about I take you in peacefully and.."

"Stay back!" Homer drunkenly pulled out his switchblade.

"Oh god. He's so drunk he doesn't know he's using a switch blade!" Clancy Wiggum and his men stepped back from the insane man.

"Stay back, or I'll use this switch blade to carve Christmas toys out of you, Santa Claus!"

"Okay.. He knows that he's using a switch blade but he thinks I'm Santa Claus."

Suddenly Homer looked elsewhere and said, "AH! The Grinch who stole Christmas!", seeing Mr. Burns looking like the Grinch, and Smither's in a dog costume with one antler. As Homer was distracted by his hallucination, the police quickly tackled him before he could make a move.

* * *

Homer was in jail for threatening a police cop. Later, Eddie came to his prison cell and said, "Homer, you got yourself a visitor. She paid up the fee. You can go home, Simpson."

Eddie left the prison as Homer still had the alcoholic smell in his mouth.

"What home..." Homer looked down to the ground.

"Homie? Is that you?" A familiar voice was heard.

"It's you Marge? Isn't it?"

"Yes, and I'm here to take you home. I was so worried. The police say you could've actually died from alcohol poisoning. You drink a great amount of alcohol because..." Marge was cut off by Homer.

"... because I was under a lot of stress..."

"Stress? What do you mean?"

"Don't ask me that question! I saw Moe's underwear and your bra at the bed! You had an affair!" Homer yelled violently with rage once again.

"What! I had no affair!" Marge yelled in a serious and true manner. "Your my love and not just because we 'you know' in bed, but because we share a special bond and not just any bond, but a strong one that can't be broken by anyone or anything! Please Homer! Listen!"

"I don't know who to talk to..." Homer looked elsewhere as he stood up downhearted, depressed, gloomy, whatever you may call it but he was not sure if this special bond would last forever. "I'm going to spend a night at a motel to think this over..."

This was not a good day for Homer Simpson...

* * *

Homer Simpson, the once jolly fat man was now just a lonely despondent man who walked towards a motel that had a sign on top with glowing words that said, "Sleep Eazy Motel". However not all the words were glowing which made it look like "Sleazy Motel". Homer already has gotten the keys to his room which was on the first floor.

"Humph.. why.." Homer stood in front of his door.

"Why, what? You need a hand?" A women in an outrageous and strange dress appeared in front of him.

"Hey. Aren't you that women who went with Mayor Quimby to that strange hotel for some kind of business." Homer asked.

"Uh.. yes.. 'business'..." The women waved her eyes back and forth.

"What do you want?"

"Just to spend a little time with a man.. especially with a big boy like you.."

"Look lady. I'm not interested in sex with another woman. Especially one that involves paid in cash. I've got too many problems of my own." Homer sighed.

"Oh come on. It'll be just a quick second."

"I said..." Homer hesitated for a moment as he then looked at the lights of Springfield where Marge lived. She kept on thinking about her minute and can't get these thoughts out of his thick mind. Especially when it comes to Moe Syzlak.

"So? You on?"

"Come in..." Homer simply answered, but he still had anger and sadness in his thoughts.

The Homer and the hooker entered the motel room as a certain person saw this whole scene.

"Oh my god! What the hell is happening here!" Moe said in surprised. "Wait a minute? Why am I here again? Oh yeah."

Moe entered his motel room that looked like a normal sleazy and dusty room like the others except with one difference. There was two gang members opening large crates of the "extinct" dodo bird.

"Hurry! People are going to pay big bucks just to see these extinct bird's alive. Come on before the cops come!" Moe snapped.

* * *

Homer sat on his bed still depressed, but he still didn't cheat on his wife, as the hooker was combing her hair.

"Marriage problems, eh?" The woman asked.

"Huh? Yeah? How do you know?"

"Happened to me before I got divorced. Now I'm living on the streets. Are you going to get this over with or what?"

"Uh.. you know, this may seem strange asking from a hooker and all... but do you have any advice on marriage?" Homer asked, feeling strange that he has to ask advice from this women, especially a stranger.

"Advice? I just got divorced, but sure whatever if you pay me double."

* * *

Meanwhile at home, Marge was cooking dinner for the kids as suddenly the door bell rang. She came to the door bell from the kitchen and opened it revealing Moe at the door but he looked like he was in a hurry as he was gasping for air.

"Marge. You're never going to believe what I saw." Moe said.

Several minutes later in the living room, Moe explained what he saw at Sleepy Eazy Motel.

"And that's what I saw." Moe explained everything.

"But he wouldn't cheat on me. I never cheated on him." Marge said.

"Oh.. well, you see.. Homer thinks that you.. um.. cheated him and had an affair with me because of his two friends Lenny and Carl."

"That's silly... even though that might actually explain why he was drinking from stress..." Marge said to herself. "Oh my.. he wouldn't.. would he?.. Wait a minute.. what were you doing at Sleep Eazy motel in the first place?"

"Uh.. nothing.." Moe replied worried and nervous.

Suddenly the sound of dodo birds were heard outside.

"What was that?"

"Uh.. that was me! Macaw! Macaw! See?" Moe became even more nervous.

* * *

Homer stepped out of the motel along with the hooker as it was nighttime.

"That's great advice. Never knew a hooker like you could have so much information. I even feel more better that I didn't do intercourse with a stranger." Homer smiled.

"Eh, I've been married to three men... all sucked so bad..." The hooker said.

"Anyway, I have a wife to see."

"Your sure you don't want to have a little 'business' if you know what I mean."

"Nah.. that would stir up so many problems.. just like she did with Moe.. in fact, maybe I should look a little further to see if there really was an affair..." Homer said.

* * *

Homer Simpson, now a little more happier but still worried that there still might actually be something going on between Marge and Moe. So he decided to check at home to see if everything is alright.

Homer stepped out of his Pink Family Sedan Car and onto the lawn of his house. He hoped that this would end as a happy ending just like his other adventures with his family or just himself last year. He slowly walked to the door and went for the door knob with his hand. He then opened it and saw Bart drinking a juice box and holding an familiar object in his left hand as he just noticed his dad.

"Homer! You came back! Mom said you were on some business trip but I knew it was lie. You never work on business." Bart said.

"Oh, but why do you have Moe's underwear in your left hand?" Homer disgusted.

"What, you mean these? These are actually underwear I bought from the store. I going to disguise it as Moe's underwear but with sandpaper within. He's going to have a sore day tomorrow." Bart laughed.

"Whew! For a second there, I thought Marge was having intercourse with Moe." Homer said to himself.

"What's intercourse?" Bart asked overhearing Homer's words.

"Uh.. it's um.. an type of expression of love.. yeah but don't bother looking it up.. you'll sit in a corner for the rest of your life looking what it is." Homer said.

"Dad!" Lisa came in to the main room with Maggie in her arms.

"Hello my smart little girl!" Homer petted them on the head. "Hello Maggie!"

"Hello Homer..." Marge stepped into the room worried.

"Uh.. Kids, go watch TV. Me and your mother need to have a talk about what happened between us." Homer sighed in a nervous-like voice.

"Sure thing dad!" Lisa said as she, Bart, and Maggie ran to the TV room.

"So.." Homer spoke, not knowing what to say to his wife.

"Homer.. did you cheated on me?" Marge worried.

"No. I did paid this prostitute at first because I thought you cheated on me but.."

"You paid some Hooker! For what!" Marge yelled at Homer with a serious tone.

"What? Well... yeah at first it seemed like I wanted it because of the stress driving me mad, but then it turned out to be a talk about marriage issues." Homer said.

"So your saying you didn't cheated on me but you got advice from some hooker! That sounds hard to believe Homer! That's got to be a lie!" Marge, angry, yelled at her husband.

"But it's true! I never had sex with her. I just wanted advice to be a better husband and..."

"But you just said at first, you wanted intercourse so you can wear off the stress! You wanted it until it turned out to be a talk about marriage problems! It may not be cheating but I don't know if I can trust you Homer! That's one of the things marriage is there for! Trust!" Marge said from an angry voice to a voice of tears.

"Your saying that..."

"I don't know if I can trust you. We may haven't cheated each other but after hearing what you wanted at first, I just.. just.. don't know anymore.." Marge cried as tears started to drip from her eyes to her chin.

"But.. but.. but you can trust me! This sort of almost-cheating thing has happened before and we got through with it! I can be a better loving husband like last year! This marriage has survived for over ten years!" Homer replied scared and afraid.

"Please, just.. just get out of here."

"But!"

"Get out, Homer!" Marge cried, pointing at the door.

"But I love you Marge." Homer made his final reply.

"How can I love someone who I can't trust and someone who can't trust me. Just leave Homer..."

Marge turned her back around as Homer began to leave and looked at the floor with an emotional pain crawling in his bones. Before he stepped out of the door, he turned around again to see Marge's face looking at the ground saddened with one last tear from her eye. Homer stepped outside as that last tear from Marge's eye fell to the ground. He again was lonely.

"Why me?" Homer looked at the stars.

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Moe was at his bar minding his own buisness with a bunch of other drunks until a certain phonecall rang. He grabbed it and says, "Who is this?"

"Is there a Bo N. Eer?" A child's voice was heard.

"Hold it let me see. Hey People. I'm looking for a Bo N. Eer? Hey anyone? Do we have a boner here? Anyone. A boner. I'm looking for a boner... Hey Wait a minute!" Moe just realized what he just said as the drunks laughed at him. "It's you again you little squirt! When I find you I swear I will tear out your spleen and put a cows spleen it with ringworms all over it you little squirt!"


	38. Love is Reminded, Homer Part II

Sometimes I think that writers or creators of the show have to get ideas from their days when they were young as teens or kids to make a great episode in today's seasons. I don't know if they still do that, but it's worth a try. Also, I think if they ever add one of those sad emotional scenes or silent moments where no one feels like talking in later episodes, they should probably add that short piece of music from the beginning and the car scene of the episode, "Moaning Lisa". Great episode I have to say. Plus, they should try to make an episode where it feels like it's in the 1990s and no mention or appearance of an celebrity or a feel of the 2000s where technology has grown into popular culture more often and you suddenly see some random appearance of Steve Hawkins again. If they are going to have a celebrity, than have them voice a fictional character and give that voiced character a big role in the episode that matches there voice and personality. The last time I saw so many guest stars all at one great episode would be, "Homer at The Bat".

* * *

Naked Gun Intro Scene 2: Suddenly a first-person view of a Police Car is flying in the sky and than crashes into a room of a school. The room is the music room where Lisa stops playing her sax along with the other children who stops playing there instruments. The police car sees Lisa and starts to head towards her in a rampage which causes children to jump out of the way but leaving Mr. Largo ran over. Lisa runs to the exit's of the room as police car destroys the exit and leaves the band room a mess. Later, outside... Lisa quickly gets on her orange bike as the police car follows as if it was somekind of chase.

The two are now at the roads of Springfield, where the police car is almost catching up to her on her bicycle... that is until Marge, the driver, and Maggie who are in a red canyro drives on the road as well and opens one of the card doors which Lisa jumps off her bike and into the car. The bike gets run over by the police car as it now chases Marge, Lisa, and Maggie who are all in one car.

Later at Evergreen Terrace, as the police car chases them, the three in the red car stops at the garage of there house and quickly enters the main entrance of there home. They shut the door thinking there safe, but the car just crashes into the walls of there house and than drives to the TV room leaving a trail of broken furniture and glass. It than sees The Simpsons, who Homer spots the police car saying, "Not again!", on the couch and than crashes towards them, only to tip the couch with them.

Synopsis: Homer sees how his love with Marge used to be back than by a ghost named Mike but than he finds some horrible things when he sees the alternate life of Homer and Marge...

* * *

Old Homer decided to stay at a friend's house in Springfield after being kicked out of the house by his own wife. He stood in front of a mansion with large orange colored walls. He knocked on the gates of the walls and said, "Hey buddy? Are you in there?". Suddenly out of nowhere missiles, machine guns, flamethrowers, every weapon you probably imagine that can shoot emerged from the walls were pointed at Homer.

"IDENTIFY YOURSELF..." A Computerize voice was heard.

"Um.. Homer Simpson?" Homer scared as there were weapons aiming straight at him.

Suddenly all the weapons turned around from Homer and went back inside the walls. The gates opened revealing a familiar person to Homer's big eyes as he wasn't scared anymore.

"Hey there Homer old pal! What are you doing these days?" Hank Scorpio, head of the Globex Corporation.

"Hi Hank. Got kicked out of the house by my own wife." Homer said in a depressing voice. "Weren't you suppose to rule the East or Pacific Coast or something?"

"Yeah, but the UN quickly retook my land. That's why I'm hiding here until I can get my plan back into shape. Anyway, Come in. Come in." Hank Scorpio smiled as the two entered the mansion.

Homer looked around and saw that everything was state-of-the-art technology. Everything from whistle to a TV was hi-tech within the mansion.

"Anyway, sorry about your wife." Hank said as the two continued to walk

"That's okay..."

"You know what. If it makes you feel better. I had a wife once. We were both divorced but I felt like a stronger man after that. Yep, a man." Hank Scorpio said.

* * *

Back in the 1980s, Hank Scorpio sat on a bench in an American Park as he cried staring at the sky after the divorce.

"This is our song." Hank Scorpio cried hearing his and his wife's wedding song.

He later even cried more and more as the song started to get more deeper and emotional.

* * *

"Yep... A man." Hank Scorpio said.

"Uh-huh... Anyway, do you got a room I can stay?"

"Sure, but how about meet my dog, or my son, or what about my pet gorillas I stored at the medical facilities."

"You have a son?"

"Yeah, you don't know? My son, Fred, had a fight with your daughter at this camp after he tried to rule the world by messing with the oceans at such a young age. Most kids call him Gold Star for some reason. I think my son and your daughter are now pen pals or something like that." (Gold Star or Fred Scorpio is actually a real Simpsons character and the son of Hank Scorpio from the series. He had one major role in the comics.)

"Whatever. Where's the guest room?" Homer said.

"Right over there. Here's the keys, Homer and if you need anything to eat, go to the kitchen.. actually call my chef. He's force to cook at anytime and if he doesn't, then he'll have to be assassinated in his sleep." Hank Scorpio pointed at a room with an ordinary door unlike the others which have some kind of lock device to the knob.

Homer, still depressed, took the keys from the palm of Hank's hands and went towards the guest rooms door. He inserted the keys into the door knob, opened it, and entered it as he felt gloomy and sad.

* * *

It was midnight and Homer was sleeping in the bed of his guestroom who can't stop thinking about Marge as his head faced to the wall. His head than turned towards a picture of him and his family, but was staring mostly at Marge than the kids.

"Why.. why do I keep on thinking about her? Sometimes I wish we never met just to get the stress off." Homer said.

"_Homer..."_ A voice was heard out of nowhere.

"Huh? Who was that! Jesus!" Homer yelled.

"_What? I have a Jamaican accent, man. Why would Jesus have that accent. He's back in paradise, up there man."_ As the person revealed himself.

"AH! You..you.. you're a ghost..." Homer afraid seeing an ghost.

Though unlike other ghosts who visits an American or English Person, this one was wearing modern day clothes, is black, and had a Jamaican accent with sunglasses.

_"I'm here to haunt you, man."_

"Well, that's all fine and dandy, but do you have to speak all scary?" Homer asked.

"Well.. not really."

"Plus, hasn't this idea of a ghost visiting someone been done already?"

"What, where did you learn that?"

"The narrator who keeps on speaking to me! He says I'm in some TV series and now in a Fanfiction. Like that would ever happen." Homer chuckled a little, trying to get rid of depression.

"Uh.. yes.. in a TV show.." The Jamaican Ghost waved his eyes back and forth as he hid his ghostly FOX Studios ID card in his pocket.

"Why are you here anyway?" Homer asked.

"Why am I here? I'm here to tell how your life would've been without Marge, no... not just that! What her life would've been as well!" The Jamaican Ghost spoke to the fat man.

"Your going to show me an alternate future?"

"Yes, but before I do that... let's go back to the 1970s where your love with Marge developed stronger into a certain special bond! That's right! The 1970s!" The Jamaican Ghost shouted in a strong voice that only Homer could hear and no one else.

Suddenly out of nowhere a song appeared with the words, "_I wanna rock with you! Dance you in the day! I wanna rock with you! We're going to rock with the night away!"_

"What the heck was that?" Homer asked in confusion.

"Oh.. you've heard this song before back in the 70's I believe."

"Nah, doesn't ring a bell."

He sighed and said, "Just come on, man. I'm going to miss my favorite TV show in heaven so let's make this quick. By the way.. the name is Mike."

* * *

Homer and Mike The Ghost appeared in the 1970s where they were in a gym filled with teenagers at the age of eighteen.

"Is this Springfield High? Is this the prom day where Marge dances with.. 'humph.. Artie Ziff." Homer surprised as he saw a familiar person with his eyes. "Oh my god.. Is that me!"

"Yep this is Springfield High but this isn't that prom day your talking about. It's a different prom after that last one but this time it's you and Marge in your teens instead of Artie Ziff, you have to wear normal clothes, and that Barney isn't running naked this time... he's now jugging on a whole ton of beer or something... Anyway, That's you over there. With a full head of hair, thin as any normal person, and was kinder unlike in the real century."

"Why you little! I'll teach you who's kind." An Angry Homer yelled at the ghost as he wanted to strangle him.

"You actually think you can strangle a ghost. I happen to be..." Mike was interrupted because he, a ghost, was being strangled by Homer's large hands. "Okay!..'CHOKE'.. Okay!..'CHOKE'.. Just.. stop.. it.."

"Sorry." Homer apologized for what he has done.

"Man, not only that, the young Homer also has smaller hands than those wide fists." Mike rubbing his neck. "Anyway, look at this."

Homer than saw another familiar person. The same person that was the reason why he was depressed. He saw a young Marge Bouvier, not Simpson at this time, who had her hair down even after the day she had her hair up at the last prom day. Homer and the ghost stared at this scene as the young lady ran to Homer.

"There you are." The young Marge worried but glad that she found him.

"Oh, there you are. I was also looking for you, but I just got a call from my crummy dad to pick him up at the bus stop. He proposed to some hooker again." The young Homer sighed.

".. oh.. I.. see.." She looked down at the ground hoping for a dance with him.

"Don't worry baby. I'll come back. I promise in time for a dance."

The young Homer put his arms on Marge's shoulders as they looked at each other with a smile.

"Okay..." She replied with a little hope to her hazel eyes.

The young Marge hugged Homer just for luck as modern Homer and the Ghost were watching.

"You see that? That's love right there." Homer pointed at the couple.

"Were not finish yet. Let's wait for... I don't know... maybe five hours later..." Mike said in a serious voice.

"But, but.. why? The prom ends at..oh no.. he did come back did he?"

"Just look..." Mike responded as time changed five hours later.

The whole gym was almost empty, everything but a few cups on the ground and the young Marge sitting lonely on the floor as one of the participants of the prom is getting prepared to leave.

"He didn't came back..." Homer said deeply sad like a mother raccoon would seeing their new-born being attacked. "I'm really am a bad man..."

Homer dropped to his knees with a tear in his eyes representing his sorrow within him. He looked at the young Marge who was also saddened and looked at the ground crying with tears as she sat on the floor in the dark cold corner of the gym. There was something strange to this... the ghost was laughing but it didn't look like he was making fun of Homer's sorrow or the younger Marge or anyone else. It was something different.

"You really don't remember well what happens after this sad scene? Do you?" Mike laughed a little.

"Huh? What happens! You got to tell me! What happens Doctor!" Homer gripped him by the sleeve begging to see what next happens.

"First of all.. I'm not a doctor. I'm a cartoonist for the Cigarette Company until they ban that years later. Second, Look and find out for yourself." Mike pointed at the entrance of two big doors of the gym.

At the entrance the fat man and the ghost saw a young Homer Simpson running to the main entrance in the gym as if he was in a hurry.

"Marge! Marge! Are you still here!" The young Homer worried if something went wrong especially when the prom is over.

"Homer?..." Marge's voice was heard from the corner as she immediately raised her head from staring at the floor to Homer who was running to her.

The young Marge stood up from the floor but the young man thinks there was still something wrong as Marge was still crying. This younger version of Homer cared for her feelings deeply more than the bald, fat, and alcohol-drinking Homer today who would try to use a car on a skateboard ramp...

"Is there something wrong? I can explain why I'm so late. Why are you crying Marge?" The young Homer asked in worry.

"It's nothing.." The young Marge responded with a smile but she continued to cry. "It's just-"

"-Tears of Joy..." Homer Simpson spoke next to the ghost as the young Marge also said "Tears of Joy" at the same time.

The couple hugged each other happily as Homer watched them next to the Ghost.

"Strange, don't you think. That Marge Bouvier could've gotten anyone else as a boyfriend... but why you? You left her in the prom right at that dark corner crying... maybe even humiliated by her friends. She could've just yelled, complain, or push you and fell in love with another guy but she's still happy to see you? Why is that?" Mike asked but he sounded like he already knew the answer.

Maybe his question of his wasn't for him to answer but for Homer who continued to watch the couple staring at each other's eyes. The answer was obvious. It was love... the true kind, not the Las Vegas kind.

"That's sweet." Homer had a tear in his eye.

"What? Are you still sad or something?" Mike looked at the fat man.

"Nope. I'm just starting to get reminded of what it was like back than..." Homer said.

"Continue to look. You'll definitely be familiar with this scene."

As the two were watching what was happening, teenage Homer yelled out, "Hey Carl!" as he was still in the gym and was the person who was preparing to leave.

"Yeah, buddy? What is it?" Carl who had an afro the size of a wrecking ball. It was so huge that it was hard for him to get to the Prom's Gym Doors in the first place.

"You can still stay for one last dance to play a certain type of music we both happened to love?" The young Homer asked.

"Oh.. I know what you mean, but I'll play the disc into the radio for now, okay." Carl said as he inserted a disc into an old style radio box.

The young couple were about to dance until they heard the words, "Be Bububa BooBoobadayada BedudadaBedagada." which just made them stopped in the middle of the gym and looking at Carl who snapped his fingers to the song.

"Carl! That's my favorite song. I meant our favorite song!" The young Homer yelled.

"Oh.. I get it now.. Sorry for the mix up." Carl inserted a different disc.

Homer and Mike just stood there as they saw the young couple dance happily together in front of them. There was also a certain type of music that was familiar to Homer's ears.

"This.. this.. this is our love song. Our song that played at mine and Marge's wedding. It's 'Close To You'." Homer surprised as he hasn't heard this song for a long time.

"Yep. It's also known as 'Long to be'. Just look at those two dancing to that song." Mike said. "What happened Homer. Where did you gone from a kind handsome man to some ugly brute who's always demanding beer and treats your own wife as an object. You used to be that sweet person who doesn't just goes around saying, 'Screw Flanders!'. What happened, huh?"

"I don't know." Homer sat on the floor.

He was watching his younger self dancing with the younger Marge Simpson in joy as the song from the radio sang, "_Why do Birds Suddenly Appear? Every time Your Near, Just Like me. They Long To Be, Close To You."_

_"_Where did it all go wrong..." Homer whispered to himself saddened during the song as he notice much difference between his and his younger self's life. "Marge looks so happy with me back than..."

As Homer kept on looking at the couple, the song sang, "_Why do stars. Fall down from the sky? Every time you walk by. Just like me. They Long To Be, Close To You."_

"You know Marge. I have something to say to you." The young Homer spoke to Marge as they continued to dance.

"What is it Homie?" Marge asked with a smile.

"Homie? You never called me that... Margie. I love seeing you smile. But I do have something to say... I Love You..." The Young Homer said, staring at Marge's Hazel Eyes with a smile.

"I love you too Homie..." Marge stared at Homer's Eyes as she smiled.

Suddenly Homer who was next to Mike was crying of this scene he saw.

"Why did you brought me here Genie! Just get me out of here!" Homer turned away from the happy couple dancing together.

"First of all. I'm not a genie. I'm a ghost. And second, you still haven't learn." Mike responded.

"I said get me out of here!" Homer yelled, not wanting to see the happy couple.

"Fine.. let's go to somewhere else." Mike said.

* * *

Homer and Mike were now at a familiar house, Marge's house or more like the Bouvier's House that is. They were at the living room as Homer had another date with Marge. The young man was sitting at a couch as Clancy Bouvier with blue hair and a little fat but still had lots of muscle in his arms was sitting at a chair smoking at a pipe staring at Marge's new boyfriend.

"Why are we here?" Homer asked.

"Just watch." Mike replied.

The Young Homer who was still waiting for Marge became nervous thinking that he had a bad relationship with Marge's father.

"So.. um.. have you seen those two trolls? I don't even know if there woman." Homer chuckled.

"You mean, Patty and Selma? My two twin daughters?" Clancy Bouvier stared at him with a strict serious tone that made him sound like the stereotype of a sergeant or gym teacher.

"Those are your daughters? I don't know how Marge is related to you as she's sweet and beautiful but now I know those two trolls are definitely related to you. I mean there ugly and mean and.. uh.. I should shut up now... shouldn't I..."

"What's the point of shutting up when you're about to get your spinal cord ripped out of your back." Clancy Bouvier cracked his knuckles as if he was prepared to hurt Homer in many ways possible.

"Uh.. um.. hey. Who are those guys?" Young Homer pointed at over fifty small pictures on the wall near the chimney.

"Those fifty seven? You really want to know?" Clancy Bouvier spoke in a strange tone of voice. "Those happen to be the boys that were googling there eyes, drooling, asking a date, stalking, and saying sexual comments on my daughters... well.. Marge only. But, each of them were send towards a hospital, the best kind because they couldn't move a finger. One of them almost got sent to the morgue. I keep a picture of each of them so I remember who they are if they ever go near my little princess again! So, get ready number fifty eight."

The Young Homer now knew that he definitely had bad relations with Marge's father as he swallowed his throat hard.

"You ain't afraid of a little threat? Are you?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"Look sir. I know that we have... bad.. connections.. threatening most likely.. that could kill me.. but, I love her and you or your troll hybrid twin daughters can't stop it either."

"Can't stop it? What about if I gave you an old car I had in the forties? Right now it's considered valuable up to three million dollars. Haven't sold her for anything until now. What do you say?"

"Oh gee sir. I could buy a lot of things with that kind of money. I could buy a sports car, a mansion, a time-traveling chicken waste disposal." The young Homer said.

"What the heck are you going to do with a time-traveling chicken waste disposal?" Mike and Clancy Bouvier said it at the same time.

"Dispose waste and chickens of course into another time. We'll get rid of garbage and chickenpox." Modern and Young Homer said at the same time.

"Your really are a pain in the neck you know and you think that will get rid of chickenpox? How did my little princess end up with a fat dumbass oaf like you?" Clancy Bouvier said.

"Well Mr. Bouvier. It's called love. We have a strong special bond and this bond is worth more than any money and maybe even more than Robocop. Infact, it's priceless."

Clancy Bouvier just looked at him surprised that he wouldn't take the money and then took another smoke from his pipe.

"Hmm... you're not a gentleman, you're not talented, you're not even capable of using a toilet... but, I'm okay with your relationship with Marge and your spirit.. for now.. still pretty much everything else... I hate you."

"Well... at least you understand that our love is priceless." The young Homer spoke.

"Yeah... but remember this. If you dare break her heart. I swear I will use your spine to choke you to death and then throw your body into the ocean where no one will ever find you! I mean it because I never, ever, break a promise when it comes to important things like this!" Clancy Bouvier said.

"That won't happen Bouvier because I won't break her heart."

"Heh, heh. I broke Marge's heart several times and manage to fix it last year." Homer laughed next to Mike.

"That's because he was gone that time after he faked his own death, duh." Mike said. "Anyway, enough of this. Let's get to the alternate past where your love with Marge never happened and instead... a different one takes its place..."

"Your boring me, you know that? And plus, what happened to your Jamaican accent? Wait a minute... your not from Jamaica!" Homer realize that Mike was not Jamaican at all.

"I never said I was from there. My ancestry is and I speak like a normal African like any other African would." Mike said in a normal voice. "Now, where was I. Oh yes, now I remember. To the alternate future where it's darkness will affect the very mind you hold..."

"Mmm... darkness... 'Glaaarrrgghhh'..." Homer drooled.

* * *

Homer and the ghost now appeared at a cliff with a beautiful moon as they saw cars parked there with dates.

"Where are we?" Homer asked.

"This is an alternate 'What if' timeline, Homer. Look at this." Mike pointed at a familiar car at the scene.

Homer recognize this scene and didn't worried at all as he thinks he knows what's going to happen.

"That's just Artie and Marge together. They'll break up and she's with me. That's all." Homer became calm as a feather as he walked in front of the ghost.

"Oh yeah? Look at Artie not trying to act like some pig selfishly claiming the prize." A serious tone came from the man.

As they both stared at the scene, Homer didn't know what he meant. He began to give his own little response still not knowing what Mike was saying.

"What's the point? They're not doing anything? There just watching the moon together." Homer complained.

"That's just it. They're not doing anything. I believe that Artie was suppose.. Ch-Ching!.. until she stopped him from doing it. Instead, they look happy with each other." Mike said as the two saw the young Artie and the young Marge watching the bright moon happily and together.

"Well that small thing couldn't have affected the alternate future.. right?" A worried Homer asked.

* * *

Suddenly, the scene of the cliff immediately transformed into a road where the two now saw a younger Homer walking alone, saddened by the fact that Artie has won the girl instead of him.

"You were saying?" Mike sounded like he was bragging.

"He'll get back on his feet in no time." Homer said.

Suddenly the same car with Artie and Marge drove on the road as it splashed through the mud near the edge of the road. That mud than splashed on the young Homer as his hair, clothes, and his face was covered in mud, but this Homer just kept on walking sadly not caring if any part of his clothes were dirty.

"Man.. that guy looks hurt very badly." Homer looked at his younger alternate self.

"Oh.. there's more than just this, Homer. More that you will learn as well... Hey.. wait a minute.. this looks familiar?" Mike said.

Suddenly a car filled with African Americans that were drunk were running away from the KKK. One of them was Mike himself.

"Bye you big ass Jerks!" Mike yelled at KKK

He then pull his middle finger at them until, he fell off the car due to how much alcohol he drank. The members in white clothes stepped out of the car and surrounded Mike angrily with baseball bats.

"Go ahead.. eh.. do you.. worst.. you racists."

"Racists? What the heck do you think we are? Ku Klux Klan members?" A man covered in white clothing asked.

"Than who are you. You have KKK on your cloth?"

"It's Krusty Klown Klan you idiot and you burned down our houses down after we got ghost costumes for a costume party!" Another man said.

Later the Krusty Klown Klan members started to beat him with bats as ghost Mike and Homer watched.

"Why did I drank alcohol so much on that day?" Mike sighed. "Oh well, anyway.. on towards the next alternate reality..."

* * *

Homer and Mike were at a garden where people chatted, ate some cake, and smiled.

"What are we doing here Mike?"

"This garden, and wedding, has well-known people around Springfield in their twenties and this event is right after Marge's wedding I believe... with Artie that is." Mike answered his question.

"What! No way!" Homer yelled at the ghost.

"Settle down.. but it is. This is an alternate timeline and there's Marge and Artie right now." Mike said as he and Homer faced their heads in a different direction.

Homer saw the two happily together as he felt depressed once again in this different reality. Suddenly he noticed another familiar man on a bench watching the married couple. It was a Homer Simpson in his twenties staring at them miserably as he was holding a melted ice cream cone in his hand.

"No.. this can't be right!" Homer screamed.

"Homer! Calm down! This is just an alternate future! So shut the hell up and watch! Your here to learn, not to scream like a baby girl!" Mike yelled at Homer with a serious tone.

"Wait a minute... what's happening now?" Homer asked, worried in a way that frighten him, as he saw Carl with a smaller afro holding an brand new disc player.

"You'll see..." Mike vanished into thin air...

Suddenly a familiar song sang to Homer's ears and the alternate versions of the people around him including Marge and Artie dance to this nice song. It was the song "Long to be..." that sang as Artie and Marge dance as a loving couple. It continue to sang, "_Why do Birds Suddenly Appear? Every time Your Near, Just Like me. They Long To Be, Close To You."_

"This is me and Marge's song.." Homer had a tear falling out of his eye now seeing that this was Artie's and Marge's song.

Homer for some reason continue to see Marge and Artie dancing when he could've just stopped but instead... he continued not knowing why. He later heard someone crying even more... which was twenty-year old Homer Simpson on the bench.

"Artie's and Marge's wedding is set in a lovely garden while mine's with her is set in some old small chapel in the middle of nowhere..." Homer cried. "Oh! Why? Just take this away! Right now! Take it all away!"

"Were not done Homer." Mike appeared in front of him.

Suddenly the two of them vanished into thin air as the wedded couple kept on dancing.

* * *

"Huh?.. where are we now?" Homer looked around to see that they were in the school gym where they were tables, a stage, and familiar people to him that are now in their thirties.

"Is this.."

".. this is a high school reunion, Homer. Your about to learn something even more Homer, old man." Mike said. "Look at this scene."

Homer and Mike saw Marge with her alternate husband, Artie Ziff. This means that Marge is now Marge Ziff at the age of thirty three.. kind of disturbing in some way for some reason...

"Hello Marge. Good day were having?" A Homer that was thirty eight, almost to the real Homer's age, but with some difference.

This Homer had a full head of hair, was thinner, was cleaner.. he still liked to eat.. but he still didn't have an odor anymore. In fact, he's smarter than you think in this alternate version.

"So, Homer? Watcha been doing.. um.. so?" Marge asked.

"I am the new boss of the Nuclear Power Plant, rich as gold, and clean as a whistle." Alternate Homer smiled as Homer and Mike heard everything he said.

"Hi Homer! You look fine and dandy today! I'm a..." Artie came into the conversation

"Yes, I know... A normal inventor who still is trying. Have you made anything yet." Alternate Homer responded with an disappointed expression to his face just by seeing Artie.

"Well... no... but as lonely as I get around Springfield.. I still got Margie around! It's alright! Isn't that right my love?" Artie smiled towards her wife who smiled her back.

Suddenly the rich, smart, alternate Homer who had a full head of hair just turned that smile upside down as if he had a problem with that.

"Uh.. I.. need to go to the bathroom.." The Alternate Homer sighed as he ran to the bathroom as quickly as he can, almost if he was in a hurry... but why?

Homer decided to talk and say, "That doesn't seem so bad. Rich, smart and not bald this time."

"Still haven't learned? Listen to what Richy the rich has to say." Mike pointed at the boys bathroom.

Homer went to the door of the boys bathroom and started leaning his ear to the door and heard the words and cry from a man.

"Why? Why, did she went with Artie instead of me?" The Alternate Homer cried as the real Homer heard, "Dam! Dam! Why did this happen to me!"

Fat Old Homer went back to Mike as he wanted to ask him something.

"I don't get it? He's rich and smart. I bet all the ladies will want to date him with that kind of hair on his head and he's not happy? Why is that?"

"Why is that indeed? He's unhappy because he believed that Marge was the one for him, but because of marrying Artie Ziff... it also lead some pretty uninteresting and unfortunate lives for people..." Mike said.

"Oh yeah... name three!"

"Well... let's see here, because Bart never existed.. Krusty went straight to jail for attempted theft after being framed by Sideshow Bob, Lisa never existed meaning she never dated Nelson which made him do so many worst things that he was sent to Juvenile Hall and after release... he is sentence to jail for the rest of his life, and then there's little Maggie who never existed who was the spark that convinced Moe not to commit suicide. Now he died a lonely man after one successful suicide attempt. Those children never existed in this timeline you fat, selfish, oaf. Do you see why you need Marge now?"

"Nope." Homer said simply just looking at his fingernails. "Give me some more reasons."

"Reasons? How about a Million reasons..." Mike said.

He showed him a portal of Springfield destroyed and blown into pieces with no one alive.

"Wha.. what is this?" Homer feared this part of time the most.

"This is when Springfield was under a dome where a bomb was held." Mike stared at him angrily. " Marge and her kids left you causing you to come as well and saving Springfield but it never happened, every civilian who you ever known died of that explosion. Do you see why now?"

"Nah." Homer simply saying it again. "If that happened, than who cause the dome to fall upon Springfield?"

"I believe it was Ralph The Conqueror. Yeah.. Lisa was supposed to cheer up Ralph when he had no valentine.. but it never happened and he somehow became some universal conqueror.. I know it sounds silly... but it happened." Mike scratched his ghostly head.

"Whatever." Homer stubbornly crossed his arms together.

"Oh seriously. This is the whole town blown up! How could you say 'no' to that!" Mike yelled at him. "Looks like I'm going to have to show you more about the alternate timeline.

* * *

Homer Simpson and The Spirit of Mike were now at a familiar house. A very familiar one that is.

"Why the heck are we here? This is our house." Homer already knew the walls, the stairs, the furniture... everything but a few things.

He notice some particular objects on the wall and looked at them with surprised and an unfortunate look to the face.

"This picture.. Why does it show Marge and Artie?.. Oooooohhhhhh." Homer whined angrily. "This is Artie's house! Isn't it!"

"Yep, but another difference as well. Come to the TV room, please." Mike spoke.

"Eh, what now?" Home sighed facing his head down as he tried to control himself from yelling angry or sobbing sadly.

As he went inside the TV room with Mike, he recognize the difference easily. The two saw Marge and Artie, but they were old, wrinkled, a head of hair with a slight grey to it, probably in there fifties... but they looked happy with each other, holding hands, smiling, sitting close... they weren't even watching the TV, something Homer and Marge would've done in the real timeline so many times.

"Oh.. you have to show me this!" Homer complained.

"How was your day honey..'COUGH! COUGH!'." Artie coughed a little.

"It was nice.. I met an old friend from high school, bought a new bottle of shampoo, and saw Mr. Nental picking up fresh daisies for me." Marge said.

"Mr. Nental? Shouldn't he be dead right now at his age?" Homer asked.

"Not really.. and that instead of being called Nental the Mental Patient.. He's called Nental the Gentle Gardener.." Mike added.

"Mental Patient?"

"Yeah... he sort of has a problem... a problem he seems to enjoy... but that's not the case right now! Look at them! They do stuff you never do. They clean the house together! They talk about their problems with courage together! They send money to the needy! When have you ever done these! Huh?"

"Never..." said Homer.

"Yes, never. Now let's see what you look like right now. How you act like. What you are to other people."

* * *

Homer and Mike suddenly appeared in an office, a huge one. Homer recognized this as Mr. Burns's office that is, but the one who owns this room was old but not as old as Mr. Burns.

"Oh my god..." Homer gasped as he saw Lenny and Carl heading towards the boss of the Plant.

"Yep... that's you Homer. Still having hair, still thin, and still smart.. but all that for one little thing you wouldn't expect.." Mike said.

The older Homer that sat in the chair looked like he had no time for laughs, games, or even a cup of beer.

"Uh.. so what you.. need Homer?" Lenny chuckled with a fake smile. Under that fake smile was worry.

"Call me Mr. Simpson, Lenny. I know you two are my best friends.. but I'm afraid you have to go.." Older Homer spoke, not even looking at them as he was doing paper work.

"What? But.. but.. but what did we do?" Carl asked.

"Well.. you're a bit old and cranky and the plant needs young workers. Not old mashed up beef jerky like you two." Alternate Homer continued to work on his papers.

"You jerk! After befriending you since first grade, and you just fires us?" Lenny yelled at him with anger as this Homer didn't care what they say.

"Come on. Lenny. Let's just go." Carl said.

The aged Lenny and Carl were leaving but as they did, they went right through Homer and Mike.. after all.. they didn't exist in this timeline.

"What kind of man is he? That isn't me at all." Homer looked at the man working on stacks of paper work.

Suddenly another person came into the office. It was Abe Simpson, who was still alive and happy.. well.. after all, Alternate Homer is only in his fifties before he starts to be truly old, like his father's age.

"What's he doing here?" Homer said.

"Ooh.. this does not look good. Let's go somewhere else. This is supposed to be about your relationship with Marge. Not father-and-son bonding." Mike said.

"No, we can stay still, but.. what did you meant that this does not look good?" Homer asked, wondering what he meant by that.

As the two watch what happens, Abe went to his son working like any old happy old man would.

"Hello, son! Let's say we head to town for some fun?" Abe smiled at him with joy as he talked next to him.

"Uh.. no thanks. Got work." The Alternate Homer responded.

"Oh. You always work. Come on, let's go to the movies, or to a casino, or we may even pick up some girls if you want, even at your age there still are some pretty chicks working at the clubs."

The Alternate Homer sighed, and turned his chair towards the large window of the office as he saw the grey skies.

"I tried to pick up a girl once, but ultimately failed after telling her the truth. Sometimes, I wonder if I haven't tricked old Burnsie in giving me the plant, or went to college, or even rich. I would trade it all for her. I sometimes wonder if it's better to throw all this away for that woman. May even bring some happiness... but, that never happened and never will."

"Oh.. you still remember that her? Come on. Let's go to a casino. When's the last time we ever had fun together?" Abe asked.

"Come on. Say yes you old geezer." Homer yelled at his alternate self, but could not hear him.

"I said, no. Business has started to go down and I have to work twice as hard every day and then suddenly you come in saying I need to go to some freaking Casino when the stake of this plant is in trouble by two freaking DAYS!" Alternate Homer yelled at his own father with all the stress from his head.

"I'm sorry, son. Just wanted to have some fun... but I still love you, son." Abe looked at the ground walking away to the exit as he put his hands in his pockets, saddened that his son won't come.

As the old man went towards the door where Homer and the ghost next to him were in the way, he then stopped in front of him. He raised his head up almost as if he could see him.

"I love you too... dad." said Homer miserably.

Abe, not hearing what he said, continued to walk again as he just went through the two.

"Sad, isn't it?" Mike said as Homer fell to his knees also looking at the ground. "Come on. I have one more thing to show you and then it's all over.

"Just.. just make it quick okay." Homer said.

* * *

Homer and Mike now appeared at an unusual place where the idea of Romance wouldn't usually come... A cemetery as pouring rain came down onto the stones and grass.

"Why we're here Mikey?" Homer asked, didn't care what's going to happen anymore.

"Look at that one, right there." Mike pointed at a cemetery stone.

Homer went towards the stone and read what was on the stone.

"Here lies, Artie and Marge Ziff... the most beloved and happy couple in Springfield.." Homer sighed. "Look, I really don't care anymore.

"Well than, look at this one." Mike pointed at another cemetery stone.

Homer went to that and said, "Homer Simpson, the most hate-filled and lonely man on Earth!"

"Uh-huh. Heard that already." Homer sighed again.

Mike just looked at him because of him not taking this seriously.

"Well than... there's is one more stone that will surprise you... look at that one..." Mike pointed at one last cemetery stone.

Homer went towards the stone he pointed and read, "Here lies... Abe Simpson! What's he doing here?"

"After your alternate self declined to Abe about his request for fun, the old man never got to tell him that he a serious heart condition. After that day, he was found dead and drunk with an bottle of alcohol in his hand. Tell me Homer. Don't you seem similar to that loveless guy?"

"What? I'm nothing like him." He responded.

"Let's see here, you both decline Abe's request to have time together, you both wish you could have different lives, you both ignore people's comments a lot, and you both happen to like Ice-cream Sunday's during church." Mike said.

"But he's way more different than me in so many ways!" Homer said.

"That may be true... but even now that you may not have the hair, the thin body, or smarts... you could end up like a hated lonely man who doesn't care what people think. Anyway, sorry I had to take your dad too."

"Sorry? Take my dad? What are you talking about? I don't understand this at all!" Homer asked.

"My name is just a nickname people call me. I'm not African American either. I'm an angel." Mike said.

"Angel's don't take people's lives away, they may carry them to..."

"The Angel of Death. In other words, most commonly known as the Grim Reaper." Mike spoke. "I assumed a human form so you wouldn't be scared or screaming."

"I wouldn't be screaming I would..."

Suddenly Mike, disguised as an African American, turned into the Grim Reaper holding his scythe with red blazing eyes underneath the hood, taller than Homer but with the usual black robe

This caused Homer to now scream, "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" like an nine-year old girl.

Suddenly the Reaper changed back as an African American, calming Homer that almost gave him a heart attack.

"Let's get back to the real timeline... okay?" Mike said.

* * *

Homer was sitting at the bed of Hank Scorpio's guest bedroom, with Mike who's standing in front of him with a serious look

"Why my father? He didn't do anything wrong." Homer asked.

"True, but no human can escape from death, good or evil." Mike answered. "Look at you... you would probably do the same thing but rejecting a request from that old man for some lousy beer. Even a more worst reason than paper work." Mike said. "Looks like I didn't just came here because your problem with love is growing or your father-to-son bonding. It's a problem with everyone you ever knew."

"Oh.. I see that." Homer said calmly

"Yes, at least I show why you need Marge."

"Need Marge? The only thing you show me is that she's much happier with Artie!" Homer suddenly just went from calm to frustration. "I have been stabbed so many times in the back, but you.. you stabbed me deeper than any weapon could right in the heart... What's the point if you show the woman I love is more happier with that man!"

"'.. You know what. Fine, if you don't care! In fact, I'll give you a little gift. I'll help you take the pain of Marge by just take away the memories that you remembered, know, or reminds you about Marge." Mike offered the man a small gift.

"Oh, thank you! Finally you do something good without showing bad alternate crap thingies." Homer said in joy.

"Yes. I'll do it... but let me remind you what you are going to forget." Mike touched his shoulder.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Homer began to remember several memories with Marge, he remembered there first kiss together as children, dancing happily together as teenagers in Homer's house, laughing with each other in the line of a Movie Theater, making out under the windmill of a Golf Course, hugging in front of Krusty Burger with a love stronger than a wedding ring being replaced with an onion ring, the two holding baby Bart at the hospital, Homer wearing a cowboy hat as the two stare at each other with a smile before they start to go to bed, the two making out at a farm under the cold wet rain, and then finally the married couple on a bike singing a song as they ride happily across the sunset...

Suddenly Homer remembered there little but joyful dance they had after the small wedding. He remembered where they dance like the lovers they are as their love song, "Long to Be" sang the words, "_Why do Birds Suddenly Appear? Every time Your Near, Just Like me. They Long To Be, Close To You..." _He remembered the two not caring if the small chapel was not a good place for a wedding but he also remembered Marge saying, "I love you, Homer..."

"Wait!... I.. I want to keep these memories.. there precious to me Mike... Mike?" Homer looked around.

He saw no Mike at all... it's as if he was never here at all...

Homer went back to bed but his eyes were still open and decided to do something before he did went back to sleep. He held his hands together and decided to spoke as there was no one there but one person that many people believed in.

"God, I know we haven't been friendly for the last years... but I just want to ask one thing... If I'm never back with Marge and the kids... please watch over them... please watch over Bart and make sure he grows up right, watch over Lisa to make sure she doesn't get in trouble with the bullies, and that Maggie knows that she has a father that still loves her when she grows up... and please watch over Marge and protect her from all the horrors in the world and that she can support the family... even if it means remarrying someone... Please god... Amen..."

Homer looked through his bags he got from home, and looked through his clothes. He founded an MP3 player with earphones that was already plugged in. He started to listen Homer and Marge's love song again on the MP3 player, "Long to Be" as he went to bed trying to sleep but didn't care if this means to take the earphones out.

"_Why do Birds Suddenly Appear?.. Every time Your Near, Just Like me.. They Long To Be, Close To You. Why do stars Fall down from the sky?.. Every time you walk by.. Just like me.. They Long To Be, __**Close To You**__."_

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

(Extra Scene)

In the real world where FOX Executives Mike the Ghost, Bill Clinton, and the Ghost of Christmas Present(also known as Ian the Hippie Freak) who were all from fanfiction stories about ghosts visiting people. They were sitting at a table for lunch as friends.

"So I find this boy who says that he doesn't need a sister and than I show how his future is and 'BAM!' he cares about his sister again." Bill Clinton said.

"Well I found this old rich evil billionaire and he doesn't carea bout anything for Christmas and.. wait?.. what was I doing again?" The Ghost of Christmas Present said.

"Uh-huh. I found this fat man and I, the Grim Reaper, disguised as a human tells him how his life would've..."

"Watch you guys doing?" Seth McFarlane came in.

"Oh hi. How's your Family Guy show doing?" Bill Clinton asked.

"It's good, but The Simpsons is still America's Favorite Family. If they weren't here. My show would take the title." Seth McFarlane said. "I wish they didn't exist."

The three sighed and said, "Didn't exist? Looks like were going to have to show an alternate timeline where Family Guy rips off The Flinstones...


	39. Love is The Answer, Homer Part III

(READING THIS IS OPTIONAL)

The episode, "Homer Scissors hand" subplot, was actually kind of unexpected at the end... When it comes to Lisa and Milhouse, usually the fans will think that it will never happened but in this episode, but in this new episode... you actually see Lisa kiss Milhouse by the lips. The fans over the internet reacted differently about this. Some say that it was okay and that is should be canon. Others will say this should never happen and it should be non-canon because it's this has never happened in the classics back than for over twenty-one years and the episodes of Lisa's future. Some even say that the writers are running out of ideas that they just put this down in the end for these kind of episode. For me however... I just don't know if this is great or this is bad. I just thought this was unexpected because Lisa pretty much always rejects Milhouse for a boyfriend before this episode came. Will just wait to see what later episodes might say about this if it happens that is... and I hope this doesn't create some kind of Simpson Fan controversy again like that Skinner-real-identity episode. There are a lot of fans that sometimes don't like change you know and this is one of them... still I have to admit that the episode was funny especially the bridge scene.

(READ THIS)

Also, instead of an extra scene, I have two trivia questions that have answers I think no one has noticed... except probably the ones who work in The Simpsons TV business. Another thing, after Part III will be New Treehouse of Horror III with four stories and has a little subplot for the backbone story, but making this might take longer than the average stories I have. Especially that I'm going to add four segments this time. Also, I'm thinking about making around fifty stories and after that is a sequel, but I'll call it more of a second season or season two instead. The one who suggested to make a "Season 2" is an every-day-review called, "Simpsons Fan".

* * *

Final Naked Gun Intro Scene: A police car in first-person view was flying through the sky as it landed and crashed into the Nuclear Power Plant. The police car spots Homer Simpson and Homer Simpsons spots it as well. The car starts it's engine in an instant minute as it started to drove towards Homer. Homer screams girlishly and starts to run away, the chase is on. Several minutes later, Homer is in his sedan driving through the streets of Springfield as he runs over people so he can get away from the crazy police car as it follows.

Soon, Homer parks it at the garage door of his house and quickly enters it as the police car wrecks the sedan repeatedly. Homer now thinks he's safe and goes to the couch with his family to relax. Out of nowhere the car comes wrecking through the walls of the house and sees the Simpsons. It starts it's engine and again tips the Simpsons over while this time Homer says, "DOH! Not again!"

37th Story Synopsis: Homer finds something in a garbage can that will finally turn his life around from a gloomy depress life to one that's not perfect but at least a normal and happy life.

* * *

Hank Scorpio and his son Fred Scorpio were sitting at a large white couch as they were watching a trailer on TV of the new Ice Age movie. The trailer showed Scrat the Squirrel sniffing on the floor in the middle of an industrial city. He then finds a pack of marijuana on the floor and is all cheerful in surprise. Suddenly a bunch of gangsters point guns at the squirrel and immediately-!- the title is shown in the trailer called, Ice Age XVII: The Meth Lab.

"Eh, are they ever going to stop making sequels for Ice Age? The first three were okay but the rest just sucks so badly." Fred Scorpio said.

"And what does a Squirrel from the Ice Age have to do with Marijuana and Crack in the city? Seriously? I.. I don't get any of it?" Hank Scorpio complained about the trailer as he turned off the TV.

He then heard the noises of steps coming near this way revealing to be Homer Simpson walking sadly due to the separation of his wife and the experience with the Reaper.

"Watcha doing Homer?" Hank Scorpio said.

"Throwing out the garbage.." Homer said in a depressing voice.

"Ah.. still worried about your wife I see? You know what cheers me up. Music, back in the 1990s..." Hank Scorpio said.

* * *

Back in the 1990s... Hank Scorpio was carrying a guitar in the middle of a crowd during a large concert of the KISS rockband.

"Come here you punk!" A young Hank Scorpio yelled as he was trying to use the guitar to kill a hippie.

"I said I was sorry!" The Hippie said.

"If you're sorry than why is my shirt still stained with your wine? Huh! HUH!" Hank Scorpio yelled in anger as he continued the violent chase.

* * *

Homer stepped outside of Hank Scorpio's glorious mansion with a bag of garbage depressed as he walked towards the grey stained garbage can with rust on the top. As he went towards it, he lifted the lid of the can and was about to dropped the garbage until he stopped as he spotted something in the can.

"Look what we have here, sigh..." Homer picked up the object, still depressed as he looked at it. "One of Matt Groening's 'Life in Hell' rabbit hand puppets... what's the rabbit's name again.. bunky, borky, buck... maybe it was..."

"It's Binky, you dumb nut." A voice was heard out of nowhere.

"Huh? Who said that? Must be crazy or something after what happened at the..." Homer said.

"Crazy? Your calling yourself crazy when you're not even looking right here?" The Rabbit Hand Puppet spoke to him.

"Okay.. I must be going crazy." Homer looked at the doll. "Maybe I'm just syncing lips. Yep, that must be it."

"Then why aren't you moving my mouth and placing your hand into the hand puppet?" Binky the Rabbit Hand Puppet asked.

"Well.. there's only one thing I can say... AHH!" Homer screamed until Binky slapped his face calming him down a bit. "What the heck are you and wh.. what do you want?"

"I'm Binky, the rabbit from the 'Life in Hell' series... and I'm here to save you from your sorry-ass damn life..."

* * *

Homer was driving to work as Binky the Rabbit Hand Puppet was seated on the car with a seatbelt around him.

"What the heck do you know about me?" Homer said angrily, driving to work.

"Well, I happen to be a depressed bunny rabbit and I'm still am but a wise one still." Binky said.

"Okay.. I guess and what's with the tough British Accent? I thought fictional bunnies like you are supposed to sound like..uh.. Bugs Bunny or something similar to that."

"Do you want help or what?"

"Why would I need help from some object?" Homer took a left turn on the road to the Nuclear Power Plant.

"Well than, why did you still brought me here in your car, to a day of work?"

"Well... You win this round..." Homer replied.

* * *

Later in Sector G-7, Homer entered his workplace as he had the hand puppet placed into his hand.

"What do I do Mr. I-Can-Easily-Help-You?" Homer asked, thinking he does not know a thing about Nuclear Safety... even chuckling a bit that he might not do a thing, but he thought wrong.

"See that paperwork, there? I'll tell you what you need to write down, your thoughts of the power plant, your ideas how to make it safer, and may even put that low check back into a real one." Binky said.

"Uh-huh..."

Later in Mr. Burns's office. Mr. Burns was sitting in his favorite chair as he watches his foolish employees working, all by looking at the camera screens... he then spotted a man and a hand puppet on one of his hands which made him angry.

"Smither's! Who is that man!" Mr. Burns said as Smither's went to see what's wrong.

"Uh.. that's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of the many fools and greatest in your plant. Plus... I thought you started to remember who he is with that brain surgery of yours?" Smither's asked.

"Brain Surgery? When do I need brain surgery?" Mr. Burns yelled at him, not even remembering about the operation he had on his brain. "Anyway, Simpson, eh... have him fired... First he now thinks he can just bring some toy in here to play with! What kind of an employee is that!"

"Yes sir. I'll sent the message to the buffoon as quickly as I can." Smither's left the office.

"Excellent." Mr. Burns grinned.

* * *

As Homer was actually working, Smither's came in.

"Homer. Mr. Burns just informed that your now..."

"Oh hi. Here's the paperwork Mr. Waylon Smither's." Homer sent him the paperwork as he continued to have the hand puppet place into his hand.

"Mr. Waylon Smither's? You never called me that before... Plus, there's no need to even look at this, because your..."

"Oh please! Give me a chance." Homer begged and begged on the floor wanting a chance for the man to look at the paper work.

"Eh.. fine.." Smither's took a look at the report. "Uh-huh?.. What the.. Hmm.. Strange.. Homer. Do you have some inside man helping you work? The name Homer is actually spelled correctly and this time it's actually by a pencil rather than hot sauce." Smither's said.

"Nope. Just me and Binky here." Homer stood up showing him the handpuppet.

"Hmm.. uh.. Okay... then you probably can answer this very easy question..." Smither's said, thinking that something isn't right.

* * *

Several minutes later, Smither's came bursting in Mr. Burns's office as Mr. Burns spotted the man.

"What is it Waylon? Can't you see I'm busy deciding how the budget should be along with other finances. I'm having enough trouble as it is." Mr. Burns said.

"I have surprising news, sir.. Homer Simpson.. That man.." Smither's stopped to catch his breath.

"Yes? Did you quickly disposed of that filth basket?"

"No, because his paperwork. Take a look at it." Smither's handed him the paperwork.

"Uh-huh.. yes.. yes.. I see.. hmm.. This Simpson fellow, what is he doing?" Mr. Burns asked.

"Well, I asked a question that Homer cannot answer at all before. The question is, 'What's the square root of pi?'. Usually his answer is, 'Glaaaarrrrrgh...'" Smither's drooled. "But he actually answered it correctly through a calculator. A calculator I say!"

"Hmm... in other words... your saying that he's actually working?" Mr. Burns said.

"Yes, but I think he may have an inside man yet no place or object of where he works can hide a size of a grown man with the cameras.. or maybe it's his daughter Lisa. She's a smart one. I say we fire him when we still got the chance." Smither's said.

"Hmm.. hold on their Smither's. Whether this man is working or not... this report shows how we can perfectly balance the budget, bring in more money, and even cheaply but perfectly fix the plants issues by the use of donkeys and manure. Until then, we will just keep on eye on this Simpson fellow." Mr. Burns grinned.

"Good idea sir." Smither's commented.

"Sheesh, can't I have one day where you just leave me alone with the whole, 'Good idea sir'." Mr. Burns complained. "Until than... we could spread the word... just as a rumor for fun."

* * *

Homer was whistling on the streets of Springfield as he was heading to Moe's, but people also are looking at him as they were spreading the word to each other by whispering to the ear...

"Why are they looking at me?" Homer, afraid, but spoke anyway to his handpuppet.

"Don't be afraid of them. There just like you who have their own fears to worry about. In fact, I know a lot of secrets around this town." Binky said.

"Like what?"

"Ever heard of the aliens, Rigellians of the planet, Rigel 7. Some well-known ones are Kang and his sister Kodos." Binky said.

"No..." Homer, interested and wanting to learn more as he was almost to Moe's.

* * *

Homer entered Moe's Tavern as he saw his old favorite bar still looking the same with its dark and creepy atmosphere, drunks putting their heads on the counter, and a dead squirrel on the pool table.

"Hi Moe... I'm sorry for accusing you of that little fight you and me had." Homer apologized.

"Thanks Homer. That means a lot... but in return for a favor Homer. I can't allow that rabbit hand puppet in the ba. I'm just don't allow toys here." Moe said.

"Or is it because you have nightmares about giant bunny rabbits chasing you all day?" Binky said.

"Homer.. I don't know what's with the tough British accent.. but.. um.. I just thought about it again and you may have your little rabbit toy here." Moe said, thinking that Homer voiced the hand puppet with a different accent.

Suddenly Barney got up his drunken smelly head from the dusty counter and just randomly said, "Hey Homer.. did you know I used to be the star of the first Home Alone movie?"

"Really? I had no idea... but wait... if your right here... than how did that Macaulay Culkin kid got the star role of the movie?" Homer asked.

"Yeah, Barney? How did he?" Moe cleaned his glass cup.

Suddenly Barney got a glimpse of 1989, during the production of Home Alone.

* * *

1989, auditions for Home Alone at the studios.

"My god! This is got to be the best child we got here for acting since Shirley Temple!" John Hughes, the producer of the film, said in excitement

A child named Barney Gumble was auditioning for the movie at a stage as the producer, directors, and screen-writers thought he was perfect for the film.

"Anyway, you can leave now. Will you see you later in an award show, kid... that is if someone is better than you..." Chris Columbus, the director, smiled in joy. "Anyway, who's up next... like it matters. This kid is way too good."

As Barney Gumble stepped off stage and into a hallway filled with kids auditioning for the film, he bumped into a blonde-haired kid as they both looked at each other.

"Sorry.. anyway are you auditioning for the film?" Macaulay Culkin, a child, asked Barney Gumble of what he was doing.

"Auditioned? Really? I'm basically expected to be the star." Barney Gumble bragged.

"Uh-huh.. say.. have you ever heard of Duff? Icy Cold Duff?" Macaulay Culkin grinned, holding a beer bottle in his hand.

"Uh.. I'm not suppose to drink that..." Barney said, worried.

"Oh.. don't worry. Just take a sip."

"Uh.. Okay.."

The blonde-haired child handed little Barney Gumble the beer bottle. He took a sip of Duff.. and suddenly he began shaking, his hair was messy, he started to have bad breath as he says, "The transformation begins!"...

Suddenly kids stepped back from him with fear as the new Barney Gumble laughed with an evil tone.

"He's a monster!" One kid shouted.

Suddenly Barney "BUUUUUUUURRRRRPPPPPEDDDD!" as loud and smelly as he can towards the children who were in disgust.

* * *

"... and that's what happened... but I got revenge on him now..." Barney Gumble said.

"Hold on a second, Barn. Didn't you party around that guy when you both went to tenth grade together?" Homer asked.

"Wait.. so that's why this BFF ring is still on my finger. I thought I married a donkey or something.. but wait.. if we are best friends than who did I really send the bomb too back then?" Barney Gumble asked.

* * *

Several years in the past...

President George Bush living in the White House back than heard his doorbell ringing.

"Who could it be at this hour? George Bush doesn't like this at all." George Bush said after writing about his life story at his desk.

George Bush went outside and saw a purple wrapped-up present on the floor.

"Strange... a mysterious present at this hour... and a bush that strangely burps near empty beer cans? Hmm... oh well." George Bush grabbed and unwrapped the present to see what it was.

In the present was a bomb in his hand.

"Oh son of a..." "BAM!"

Suddenly George Bush was flying in the air and landed on the dirt as he was covered in black smoke and soot.

"Those terrorist now send a prank to my door! That's it! This means war!" George Bush yelled.

* * *

"So wait?" Moe said, in surprised. "You started the War on Terror in Afghanistan? That's serious! I mean what am I going to do with those terrorist heads I just decapitated right now?"

"There's a War on Terror?" Barney Gumble, drunk and stupid, replied.

Suddenly Barney fell to the ground as he was fully drunk.. or over drunk.

"Now he's sleeping like a baby. He is sleeping right?.. because I don't see him breathing." Moe looked at him carefully.

"Whatever. I'm leaving." Homer said as he left his last and only cup of beer on the table.

"Hold it there, Homer. Why are you leaving? Your cup is only half-way full and it's the only one you drank? Usually you walk out of here, get in your car, and crash into the hospital. Is there something wrong Homer.. have you found another bar?" Moe asked, looking a little sad, thinking that one of his best customers and friend might have found a new tavern.

"It's not that Moe. This rabbit hand puppet here said that I should just drink one. That's all.. He also says that you should try to decorate and add some color to this bar." Homer smiled a little.

"You know Homer. I'll give it a try." Moe, he smiled.

As Homer left the bar with his friend, suddenly Moe's smile turned into a frown as it his smile was fake.

"What the hell does he think he is? I've decorated this bar so many times and it just leads to trouble! What is he? The health inspector?" Moe said to himself.

"No. But I am." A man said, pretending to be a drunk as he showed his badge of being an health inspector.

"Oh.. Uh.. just wait a minute. I got to do something."

In the backroom of Moe's Tavern, Neo from the movie, The Matrix, is in a showdown against Agent Jones and Agent Brown as they all have one pistol with one bullet. Neo was about to raise his pistol and have a strategy to use this one bullet to take them out both, but suddenly Moe stepped in.

"Sorry fellas. Health Inspector came in so your showdown will have to wait." Moe said.

"What? But I just thought of a plan to take them out both completely!" Neo whined like a baby.

"Hey buddy. This is the real world not your fancy cyber thing-a-jig world. Now you can either buy a drink or get lost." Moe said in his usual serious tone as the three of them left sadly said, "Aw", "Dang", and "Man..." not having there showdown so they can kill each other.

* * *

It was Sunday in the morning, meaning that it was a day for Church... for Homer that is, who usually spends him time watching football on the lovely couch, eating a pack of Pork Chips, but this time it was different. Homer Simpson stood in front of the churches door and sighed as he still had the puppet on his hand from the "Life in Hell" series. Not even his smell could stop him or his loud grumbling stomach, his ugly face, his baldness, his stupidity, his...

"Okay! Okay! You can stop describing the situation right now. It's not even a big situation right now." Homer yelled at the sky as everyone in public and near the church was looking at him, thinking he's crazy.

"Homer. Who are you talking to?" Binky asked.

"Even you can't hear the narrator's voice? He keeps on bugging me all the time and no one can hear him but me.. like.. um.. that Great Gazoo green alien guy from The Flintstones."

"Whatever... let's just go inside. Remember what I told you, okay." Binky said.

The two of them went towards the Church as the bells on the Cathedral were ringing loudly.

* * *

As Homer entered the church, everyone looked at him only because of the rabbit hand puppet on his hand and whispering a few rumors about him. Homer looked a little worry, that is until he saw his family at the front seats of the church, but then suddenly Reverend Lovejoy stood in front of him as he crossed his arms.

"Homer.. What's with the rabbit? Are you pulling one of your support-the-orphan scams again?" Reverend Lovejoy asked.

"No. This rabbit here is just to help me. That's all." Homer gave his answer.

"Help you? For the love of god, really? Do you really need more trouble after that argue you had with your wife."

"I told you! This rabbit was suppose to help me and how do you know about the argument we had?" Homer replied once again.

"Seriously, my wife is the biggest gossiper in town. What else would you thought? And do you expect me to believe that after the several jokes, scams, and your constant drooling during the sermons?" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"And do you expect me to believe you're a man of god after I saw you stepping out of a night club, drunk, with the lips of red lipstick on your cheeks at 11:33, at night, at Wednesday, with your friends when your suppose to pick up non-fat milk for your gossiping wife?" Binky spoke.

Suddenly everyone, including Homer's family, was looking at Reverend Lovejoy as Homer ain't that informative. The Simpson family members at the front seat were more worried as they think Homer is going to embarrass himself again, ever since his birth came with a pizza.

"Uh.. you know.. on second thought Homer, I believe we just had a rule of bringing in hand puppets to the church now and.. uh.. nice British accent.. heh, heh.." Reverend Lovejoy waved his eyes back and forth nervously, worried as the eyes of people were still staring at him. He now faced towards the people in the church and said, "We were just joking people... not of what he said is true..."

Homer went towards to the front seats where The Simpsons sat, along with Abe Simpson. As he got there he said, "Um.. hi guys..."

Marge did not say anything as she turned her head away from Homer, meaning she was still angry about that argument while Bart, Lisa, and Maggie who was on Marge's lap were worried about the two.

"I can still sit here right?" Homer asked.

Marge didn't responded but Bart and Lisa had something to say.

"You can sit here Homer." Bart said.

"This is the church where forgiving and love one another exists... unlike Scientology..." Lisa sighed about the strange religion.

"Thanks kids." Homer sat down beside them as Marge still didn't want to see his face.

"So, Homer. What's with the rabbit on the hand?" Bart asked.

"You might think I'm crazy but this rabbit can actually talk. He's suppose to help me." Homer said.

"Dad, just because you and mom are now separated for a while.. it doesn't mean you can just go off crazy like last time." Lisa smiled at her father, still not believing a thing he said.

"But I'm not. Why won't you believe me?" Homer sighed.

"No one believes you Homer! Now won't you just be quiet for a moment after that 'talk' you had with your wife involving that certain 'motel'." Reverend Lovejoy looked at Homer angrily as he stood in front of everyone.

Homer stood up and spoke, "Doesn't in John 1:9, that if we confess our sins, God forgives us and cleanse us of all the unrighteousness?"

Suddenly everyone was surprised as Homer never reads the bible at all.

"Hrmm.. Homer.. did you just saw that in some Christian Horror film or saw it in the internet?" Reverend Lovejoy sighed, thinking that he doesn't even know any of the bible's words.

"Well, I saw The Rite and man that was a horrible film! I only went there to see Anthony Hopkins in it." Homer said in disgust of the movie. "Plus, the Binky hand puppet told me to read the bible as well as some other things to do of Christianity."

"Uh-huh. Then you won't mine telling me who started the whole Protestant Reformation which now lead the church we are in right now?" Reverend Lovejoy sneered at Homer.

"Well, I believe when the rabbit told me to research about this... I learned that Protestant Christianity started with a man named Martin Luther back than after he was outraged of the corrupted Pope of Roman Catholic and misused his powers for his own selfish reasons, even saying that people have to pay money to get into heaven." Homer said with a smile.

Suddenly the people of the church dropped their jaws, but Homer still went on.

".. and then Martin Luther surprised thousands of people saying that the Corrupted Pope Leo X is not the head of the church or the one who speaks to god but Jebus.. or Jesun? Jesus! Yeah, that's the name. That Jesus is the head of the church and that to get into heaven is not by money or good deeds but just to believe in Jesus Christ." Homer finished. "And that's why we have no pope, that we believe that to be saved is just to believe in Jesus, and that Priest's can marry and.. "you know" in bed... I think there was more though..."

"So wait? I can burn down a building, murder a few guys for revenge, and assassinate whoever created the third Halloween movie in the series, and all I have to do is believe?" Carl got up from his seat.

"Yeah, but I think there were some other things and that..." Homer replied

"But I just have to believe?"

"Well, yeah but you can still get arrested by the police and..."

"...Time to get revenge on those Producers for ruining my favorite horror film series as a teenager! Seriously, replace Michael Myers with robots? That's just stupid, but I'll finish the job..." Carl interrupted Homer as he brought up his sniper rifle in the holy church.

As Carl walked away to assassinate the producers of the third Halloween movie, Moe was sleeping on the benches of the church.

"No.. no.. Get away Mr. Bunnyfuns! No, no! Anything but the Easter egg! No, no... NOOOOO!" Moe shouted during his sleep.

* * *

Later at the Springfield Retirement Castle.

Homer walked towards the main counter of the Retirement home in the main waiting room, as he saw a nurse reading a book. He needed to reconnect with his father, so bad events won't happen again... and again.

"What do you need bub?" The Nurse asked in boredom.

"I'm here to see my dad. His name is Abe Simpson. I just had a vision that I need to say that..."

"Let me guess. That you had some vision of some father's death because the Grim Reaper himself appeared?" The Nurse sighed.

"Hey? How do you know?" Homer asked in surprised.

"Take a look for yourself." The Nurse pointed several men seating at the chairs of the waiting room, that was near Homer's age as they were wearing different hand puppets on their hands, just like Homer himself.

"Oh.. I see.." Homer said.

Homer went and sat one of the chairs of the waiting room as he started to wait for his dad and also whistled to burn some time, until the man next to him with a hand puppet in his hand, started to talk.

"So what are you doing here? Let me guess.. um.. waiting for your dad so you can spend time with him? The name is Drew Austin. So what are you going to do when you meet with your dad, Mister..." Drew spoke as he was waiting for Homer's last name as a response.

"Mister Simpson, sir. Mister Homer Jay Simpson. And I plan to have the best days with my dad as a father-and-son day ever in the whole wide UNIVERSE!" Homer yelled out extremely loud, stood up quickly, and raised both his arms in the air, as everyone was just staring at him, almost as if he was crazy.

Homer sat back down as everyone stopped staring at him and said, "So.. uh.. what kind of puppet you have there?"

"Puppet? The name is Herman the Frog from the Muppets." Herman said as he was a hand puppet for Drew.

"Oh, bloody hell. Not you again." Binky the Rabbit hand puppet spoke as he recognized the frog hand puppet.

"You two know each other?" Homer asked.

"Yeah. We gambled over Herman's last piece of ruby that cost over a thousand dollars. He lost it and says that I cheated after so many years." Binky said.

"You did cheated!" Herman the frog hand puppet yelled and pointed at him with his finger.

"You want to fight you lousy piece of bullsh..." Binky spoke with an unfinished sentence as he was just interrupted by the Nurse on the microphone.

"Homer Simpson. Your father will be seeing you right away... 'sigh...'." The miserable Nurse sat down.

Homer waited at the chair he sat along with Binky as he heard the stepping noises of a grumbling old man.

"Who call me at this time of the day?" Abe asked angrily with a loud mean voice.

"It's me dad." Homer stood up from the chair and went to the old man.

"Oh.. it's you.. say. Why did you come here? You never come here since last year." Abe asked.

"I just wanted to..."

"Yeah? What?..."

"I just..."

"Speak up, son? What are you trying to say?"

"I just wanted to spend some time with my old man." Homer said.

"Yeah, well.. I have to go to a meeting and.. uh.."

"Don't try to make an excuse. Come on. Let's go having a fishing trip at Lake Springfield." Homer said.

"You mean the place where Bart found the three-eyed fish near the Nuclear Power Plant, got on fire once, claimed the lives of a whole rock band of some concert, it was the cause of Trappuccino due to high pollution, in other words... A dome over Springfield. And that now our most proud favorite lake in the history of Springfield is now the most polluted lake ever existed, not only in America, but in the whole wide world?... Sure, why not?" Abe gave his answer.

* * *

At Lake Springfield, Abe and Homer, who still had Binky on his hand, were sitting on a small pier of the lake with fishing rods in their hands as the wind carefully flew through the lake itself. Abe was just bored and grumpy as Homer felt like it wasn't going well.

"Um.. so.. you catch anything?" Homer asked.

"Yeah, but I'll I caught are these three-eyed mutant fish." Abe grumpily yelled at the lake.

"Dad, all the fish here are three-eye. The only fish that aren't are the tuna, salmon, and cod and they aren't here at this lake of the time of the month."

"Whatever..."

"Dad.. do you think there's something bad between us?" Homer asked.

"I don't know... maybe the fact that you put me in a retirement home, took me away on some trip while my girlfriend died, and then missed out on my birthday for over.. I don't know... seven years?" Abe revealed the facts of what happened between them.

"Oh.. I see... um... well, dad. I was just asking..."

"What's with the doll on the hand?" Abe asked.

"Oh this?... It's nothing."

"Nothing is just a word that means nothing and that's what you two are!" Binky yelled at the two.

"Homer. Get your animatronics doll in order." Grandpa thinking the hand puppet is not only a doll but now an animatronics due to the way it talks.

Binky sighed a moment and whispered a little conversation to Homer's ear as Grandpa just looked away and boringly fish the lake with his fishing rod.

"Uh.. Dad.. remember the good times when we played catch behind the cornfield?" Homer asked.

"Uh-huh?" Abe said, still fishing with the same look on his face.

"And that... you dressed up as Santa Claus on Christmas?"

"Yep..."

"And that you gave me my first beer at age sixteen?" Homer asked.

Abe sighed for a moment and said, "Yes, I know... want to.. take a walk by the lake? Son?"

"Yes. Give me a hug!" Homer yelled with joy.

"Come here son!" Abe yelled with joy as well.

The two hugged each other happily, while two men on a boat looked at them.

"Why can't you be like that fat man over there, Drew!" Drew's father angrily yelled at Drew as Herman the frog handpuppet just looked at them.

"It wasn't my idea it was.. Hey! Comeback here!" Drew turned around to see Herman the Frog, a hand puppet, alive and swimming away from the situation between father and son.

* * *

The sun was setting and Homer and Abe were having a walk on the small shores of the lake together.

"You know dad. This is the best Father-and-Son experience we had in years." Homer said. "I never thought I say this... but I love you dad."

"I love you too Homer... Yep.. Hey... why not try to bond with your children more? You haven't done it in years too." Abe said.

"You know.. your right! I shall bond with them! Not even Death himself can stop me!" Homer yelled...

Back in Haven...

"Not even Death can't stop me? Oh that's it! He's going down." Mike pulled out his scythe on top of the clouds.

"Mike. What the heck are you doing? Shouldn't you be sending Hans Moleman to heaven or hell? Plus, why are you assuming your African American form? Didn't your talk with the fat man is over? Not only that, don't you have an appointment with Mr. Burns two years ago?" God asked as he came to him, still having his face unseen.

"Yeah.. I know.." Mike looked down as he changed from a hip black dude to a ghostly Reaper.

* * *

It was nighttime, and Homer was taking a walk on the streets as he was happy instead of gloomy and sad, like before.

"You know Binky. That was the best day I ever had." Homer said.

"Uh-huh. Now, it's your family's turn. The kids will probably be no problem... but that Marge Simpson will be a challenge. She make take in a lot of stress, but she is a person who has emotional feelings higher than men... in other words.. she's a woman."

"Uh.. yes.. woman. I hope Lisa won't be a challenge when I try to bond with her at her age." Homer said.

"Ha! Right now, you have nothing to worry about. Wait until she goes through puberty." Binky laughed.

"Ew.. don't talk about that.. talking about a boy going through the changes of a man is one thing... but don't tell me about a girl going through all that stuff. Man, you have some issues for a rabbit hand puppet."

"What can I say? I'm from the comic book series, 'Life in Hell'. Why do you think they call that comic book, 'Life in Hell'? I live in some old stinking apartment in the series for pete sake." Binky said.

"Yeah, yeah. Wish I had a candy bar to get rid of all those things you just said." Homer said.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a candy chocolate bar fell down from the sky and hit Homer in the head as it landed onto his right hand.

"Wha?... Thank you God!" Homer yelled at the sky.

Meanwhile in Haven...

"Not again. I dropped my candy bar!" God said, who just recently dropped his candy bar from Haven to Earth. "Oh well... I have plenty more where that came from."

Suddenly a candy bar just popped out of nowhere from thin air as God grabbed it with his holy hands... after all... Haven is Paradise.

* * *

Homer stood in front of his own house that he just got kicked out before as the hand puppet on Homer's hand just looked at him of why he's not going.

"Let's see here.. um.. 'Hi Family!'.. no, that's not it.. 'It's me! Homer!'.. Hmm.. 'You mean to me more than anything in the world, Marge and the kids'.. hmm.. that sounds good to say." Homer said.

"How about you just say 'Hi kids! It's pops!' and that when Marge comes in, you say, 'Marge, I love you babe'." Binky suggested.

"What if it's the whole family at the same time?" A worried Homer, not knowing what to exactly say when he comes through that door.

"Hmm.. how about you just say, 'My wife and kids mean more than mean than myself!'. Short and simple." Binky once again suggested.

"Okay. I'll do it!" Homer said as he the happy fat oaf went to the door of the house.

He first knocked it and then just waited for a response. Suddenly the door opened, revealing to be Lisa who opened the door.

"Hi dad! We missed you so much!" Lisa hugged his father in joy.

"Hey. I was supposed to say that... oh well..." Homer picked up Lisa and place her on his shoulder.

"So, is your mother... calm down a bit?" Homer asked, still outside of the house.

"Uh.. she's still kind of frustrated at you..." Lisa spoke, not in joy anymore because of the question that Homer asked. "Anyway, what's with the hand puppet. People say you've been bringing that hand puppet with you all day."

"You mean me? I'm just your dads friend helping his life grow better little girl. Isn't that right, Homer?" Binky said.

"Yep. Now let's all go in." Homer stepped into the door as he carried Binky the hand puppet on his hand and Lisa on his shoulder, but as he did entered, Lisa hit her forehead on the top of the door opening saying, "Ow!" and then rubbed her forehead.

"What was that?" Homer turned around causing Lisa's head to now hit the lamp on the ceiling who now said, "Oof!"

"Huh? What was that sweetie?" Homer asked Lisa.

"Just.. just put me down.." Lisa, not wanting to get hit by objects by the forehead again.

As Homer turned his face away from Lisa and to the entrance of the living room, he suddenly saw a Marge that was still angry, worried, and crossing her arms together looking like she doesn't want to ever see him again.

"Uh.. I'll leave you two alone." Lisa ran away from the two chuckled in worry as she not wanting to see the argument.

"So.. uh.."

"What? Homer? Why did you came back?" Marge spoke in a fury-filled voice.

"Well.. it's because.."

"It's because that Homer came here to check on what the kids and you're doing to make sure everyone is fine." Binky answered.

"Oh.. I see.. Fine, you can come in." Marge instantly calmed down, thinking that Homer said it and not the puppet.

Homer and Marge both entered the living room together as Homer sat on the chair while Marge sat on the couch.

"So.. uh.. how you've been doing these days?" Homer asked.

"Not good..." Marge replied, not being angry anymore... but rather worried...

"Uh.. mom!" Lisa rushed into the living room with Bart as he carried Maggie.

"What is it Lisa?" Marge asked.

"We just had a final notice of the mortgage on this house. We have to pay or will lose the house!" Lisa handed her mother the bill.

Marge looked at the bill and was more worried as she was in debt of a 799.00 dollars.

"We only have three hundred dollars in the savings and now we need four hundred more! What am I going to do?" Marge faced her head down in depression.

"Uh... I happen to have four-hundred dollars..." said Homer who pulled out cash out of his wallet.

"Where the heck did you got that wad of cash?" Bart asked.

"I saved up money. That's what." Homer handed Marge the money.

"Uh-huh. Like you ever save money. You barely go a day without spending it on beer."

"Why you little! I'll teach you who spends on what!" Homer angrily strangled his son with a strong grip of only one hand this time as he couldn't with the other due to the puppet placed into it.

"Homer!" Binky yelled.

"What? Can't you see! I'm trying to break this child's neck with only one arm!" Homer yelled furiously.

"Strangle the child lightly." Binky replied and so Homer strangled Bart with one hand lightly, but Bart was still trying to gasp for air.

"Homer! Just stop it!" Marge separated Homer and Bart away from each other. "I'm okay that you were able to send some money to pay the mortgage but do you really have to strangle your son right now?"

"I do it all the time."

"Just don't do it in front of me. I don't feel happy at this time of day. In fact, what's with the hand puppet." Marge asked.

"It's the start of a better life" Binky answered.

* * *

The kids were in the backseats of Homer's Sedan that parked near the sidewalk rather than the garage where Marge's car is as Homer pulled out his keys from his shirt pocket, before he got in. He stepped into the car with Binky on his hand as one of the kids had a question.

"Yo Homer. Where we going?" Bart asked.

"Your mother said that I should have a little road trip at Springfield to see some well-known sights as she thinks our little problem over." Homer said as he started the engine of the car.

"Oh... I see..." Lisa strapped her seat belt tight spoke gloomy but still hoping that this feud would be over.

Homer drove the car away from the sidewalk with only one hand on the wheel as the other hand was for Binky, and he started to have some time with his kids... but meanwhile, Marge was at home discussing her problem with two familiar and unwanted woman in the house... for Homer that is...

"So, that's the problem. I don't know if I should let him in... I let him in before but this time, I don't know." Marge asked as she, Patty, and Selma were all in the living room.

"Just get a divorce. That man has been the family shame since your uncle tried to teach the police officers with a shotgun." Selma suggested.

"You always suggest that..." Marge sighed.

"Hey sweetie. Do you got any peanut butter in this house?" Clancy Bouvier, the father of the three females and considered to have a cursing and anger problem, as he entered the living room.

"Yeah.. it's in the kitchen on the left side of the counter. It's beside the spice cabinet if it's not there." Marge spoke, looking down at the ground as Clancy Bouvier entered the kitchen.

"Marge. Your husband happens to be the laughing stock of this town. You seen what he's done. He used Jebediah head for football, he drove his car on a skateboard ramp filled with children, he beat some short person thinking he's Chucky from the Child's Play movies series." Patty said the facts. "Marge. Just face it. Get a divorce."

"But.. but he's getting better. I've told you about how he saved up money, read the bible, and is actually doing his job better." Marge said.

"Yeah, well. He's just going to end up like himself again with a pile of beer cans all over him." Selma said. "So get a divorce and you'll be a happy woman for the rest of your life."

"What the hell is wrong with you three?" Clancy Bouvier stepped into the living room angry after hearing her own daughters talking about divorce.

"What?" Marge asked, not knowing what her father meant.

"After all these year living in my house, you haven't learned a thing about marriage? You think that some divorce is just going to instantly make someone happy? Your all bunch of FREAKEN FOOLS! All of you three!" Clancy Bouvier yelled at his own daughters.

"Why would you say such a thing daddy? Plus, I thought you hated Homer more than my sisters." Marge became worried as her father became angry at them, including the nicest and youngest out of the three, for some unknown reason.

"Tell me about the meaning of divorce? Huh? What is it?" Clancy Bouvier, upset, spoke. "Hasn't Selma been divorced by so many people and it brought nothing to her life you bunch of twits. Look at me for pete sake! I'm divorced and I'm spending my life under some sick retirement home eating pills because I'm forced to. I even feel more worst because of being separated from your mother! Infact Marge, your husband is the most sickest, most disgusting, most barbaric, most ugliest thing I've seen since Vietnam and guess what?"

"What.." Marge looked at the ground, still sad not knowing what to do.

"He cares about you. You got that?" Said Clancy Bouvier as Marge raised her head up in surprise. "I may hate him more than any Springfieldians that exists, but at least when he sees my little young princess sad or discourage, he wants to help you because he cares. And what if he fails? He still tries and it shows how he cares about you even if means killing him sometimes. Marriage is a special bond and divorce is only going to make things worse, so instead of getting separated from that fat ass fool, try to make things better with him."

"Oh.. daddy, I miss him.." Marge smiled with a tear in her eye.

"Yeah, I know... and Selma. Since your.. heterosexual.. Let's find you a date, for pete sake. Someone who won't leave you." Clancy Bouvier turned around to Selma.

"Okay.. but this time, no shotgun weddings." Selma said.

"I wonder what my Homie is doing now?" Marge thought with joy in her eyes.

* * *

Homer, Binky and the kids were heading to home by car as they just pass by the Murder Horn, the largest mountain in Springfield, as the sunset began.

"That was a fun day with your dad." Lisa smiled in great joy.

"Yeah, especially when you ran over Ol' Gil. That was hilarious!" Bart chuckled. "Can we do it again?"

"Nah. You kids got to go home and I have to ask your mother something." Homer said, driving the car as they entered the suburbs of Springfield.

"You know Homer... I don't know if you actually believe this... but.. um.. but there was actually a point in time where I actually wanted to be more like you." Bart smiled.

"Yeah... me too.. I loved you more than any horse or doll in the world." Lisa said. "But then we started to knew more about how life can be hard at times in this part of the year."

"I know..." Homer said in a slight serious tone. "I wanted to be just like my pa, but we really didn't understand each other back than... well.. um.. Here we are kids. Home."

Homer parked his car near the sidewalk.

"Bye dad." Lisa said, but before she stepped out of the car, she kissed her father on the forehead.

Lisa stepped out of the car first, as she held Maggie in her arms, with a big smile on her face..

"See you later Homer." Bart stepped out second with a big smile.

Homer stayed in the car for a while as he just had a tear in his eye.

"Man.. they wanted to be just like me.." Homer spoke with his own joyful smile as one hand was still gripped tightly to the wheel of the car.

"Yep.. you can learn more about them by just listening.. you know.. like back then?" Binky said.

"Yeah... Your right!" Homer said.

"Yep. The kids and your dad seem to know you're a good man. Now it's Marge's turn to know that. Speaking of Marge... here she comes right now." Binky said as he saw Marge coming straight this way.

"AH! Is my breath smell good! Do you smell an odor? Why am I sweating! Why is it hot! Why the heck is it HOT!" Homer screamed in the car, worrying about seeing Marge again.

"Relax Homer! It's not like it's your first date with her. In fact, your still pretty much married with the woman and you're lucky that you never had sex with that woman from the motel. Just relax, listen, and show that you're a good man to this woman, old chum." Binky calmed down the fat oaf.

"Hello Homer." Marge spoke and look through the open car windows seeing Homer looking at her, worried.

"Uh.. hello.. Marge." Homer smiled nervously.

"My own father who hates you so much convinced me that you're a good man... but I still don't know if I should just instantly take you back." Marge said with both a serious tone and look on the face.

"Well.. I'll.. make it up to you. How about dinner at Luigi's? Homer asked.

"Okay... but with one exception. I don't want you carrying that hand puppet. I want you, Homer and you only."

"But.. but.." Homer hesitated for a moment until he looked at the hand puppet.

The hand puppet nodded it's head suggesting to go have a dinner without him.

"I'll be there right now. I even got my old tuxedo here right now from the driers and I will change right here in this car and... Wait a minute.. I feel like something is trying to get out of my mouth..." Homer said.

Suddenly Homer spitted out a whole rat from his mouth.

"Ew.. it's Margo, my breakfast. He had to crawl out through my throat?" Homer laid the rat on the car seat.

"Whatever. Just be there.. okay?" Marge headed back to her house to change into something more appropriate for a dinner at Luigi's.

"This looks good for Homer Jay Simpson.. ain't that right Margo and Binky?" Homer asked.

Margo just squeaked while Binky just sighed.

* * *

Homer and Marge entered the Italian restaurant, Luigi's, for a night out if things would work out that is. As they did entered, they saw Luigi walking towards them tired and angry.

"Is there something wrong Luigi?" Homer asked.

"It's nothing.. It's just my stupid brother came in and messed up with his big wooden mallet." Luigi sighed. "MARIO! Come in here! Meet some of my favorite customers."

Suddenly Luigi's brother, Mario came in wearing an outfit of an plumber, red shirt, and wore a red hat on top of his head.

"Oh look at this? It's a princess Peach and Donkey Kong." Mario jumped from the floor repeatedly happily.

"Uh.. what's wrong with your brother?" Homer asked.

"Uh.. you see.. my brother happens to be a huge fan of those silly video games and happens to be a real plumber as well. Back in Italy, we called them a Mulo Asino. I believe in America.. they call it.. uh.. a jackass. Yeah. That's it!"

"Uh-huh.. can we just have a table right now?" Marge asked.

"Sure. Why not?" Luigi said.

* * *

Homer and Marge were sitting at a table for twenty minutes, not knowing what to say, just whistling, not touching there steak.. not even Homer himself took a look at it..

"Oh man.. what do I do?.. I should say something but what?.." Homer thought.

"Uh.. so how's the steak?" Marge asked.

"It's a good..."

"Uh-huh.. both of us haven't even took a bite of it. How are you sure?"

"Well.. uh.. pretty much a lot of things I eat are good.. like that pig over there." Homer pointed at Plopper the pig, AKA Spider Pig, who was next to Luigi.

Suddenly Marge giggled a bit as she looked at the pig.

"What? What's so funny?" Homer asked, a bit angry, not knowing why she's giggling.

"It's just that pig kind of looks like you and acts like you. I mean look. He's secretly eating a meatball from someone's spaghetti when there not looking." Marge said.

"Hey.. it does kind of looks like me." Homer smiled. "Look at that guy proposing to that girl over there."

"What? I think it's kind of nice for a proposal of marriage." Marge saw a young couple holding a ring together.

"Yeah, but you know what that man is going to say? 'Let's get married! It's going to be okay!' A few years later he has no hair and gained a ton of weight."

"That's a good one." Marge giggled again. "Remember that time you tried to ride over Springfield Gorge?"

"Yeah. That's a memory I'll remember." Homer said with a smile. "Hey.. remember your little gambling problem and that Lisa couldn't finish her costume without you. It turns out that your gambling problem actually made her win because you were never there."

"Yeah. Remember the time you joined the army that led to some outrageous invasion in Springfield?" Marge smiled back.

"Yep. Good times but sometimes I just want to forget what you say and what you do at times or even trust when you argue too much and complain and complain and..." Homer still smiled.

"Wait? What? You still can't trust me?" Marge spoke in an serious angry tone.

"Uh.. ooh.. that came out wrong.." Homer spoke to himself.

"Yes it did! Bye Homer!" Marge stood up from the chair and was about to leave until Homer said, "Wait!"

Marge turned around, still angry, as she crossed her arms as everyone in the restaurant was watching.

"I do trust you! I didn't mean what I just said.. I just wished.. um.. no.. I mean I.. uh.. wanted it to.."

"Just forget it Homer. You don't remember anything good from our life together. Just the bad things." Marge said as Homer fell to his knees.

"That's not true!" Homer grabbed a hold of her hand.

"Oh yeah? What do you remember? Huh?" Marge asked.

"I remembered a lot of things! I remember our first dance together at the gym where we danced alone to our song, 'Long to be'! I remember that at Krusty Burger we proved that our love is stronger than some lousy wedding ring, that we sang a song while we were on a bike onto the sunset, that we went through so many arguments since our teens, that when I first laid my eyes on you I couldn't turn back. Not because of your hazel eyes, or that you were younger than me, or that you were born on the month of Halloween. But when I was some worthless, dumb, smoker back then, you helped me and never gave up on helping me. I love you Marjorie Jacqueline Simpson."

"You knew my birthday, our song, my eye color and even knew my full name?" Marge was surprised that Homer knew this much about her.

"Yep. A friend taught me to become a better man, whether I'm still dumb or even an alcoholic, I'll still love you and try to be a better husband even it means killing myself." Homer kneeled before Marge as he still held her hand.

"Oh.. Homer.." Marge had a few tears in her eye.

"Marge. Why are you crying?" Homer asked.

"Oh nothing.. it's just tears of joy. I'm happy you actually remembered so many things about me. I'm more happy when you mentioned when we were just young teenagers... Come here." Marge hugged Homer.

"I'm sorry for what I'm done..." Homer apologized as she joyfully hugged Marge.

"It's okay... I'm glad your back... Come on. Let's go home." Marge spoke.

Suddenly Luigi ran to them as quickly as he can.

"Sorry to spoil your lovely and emotional moment, but I have a letter from some unknown person. It's for a Homer Jay Simpson." Luigi said.

"Okay. Let me see." Homer grabbed the note to read what it said.

_Dear Homer..._

_If your reading this, then it's time to tell you that you don't need me anymore. You may still sleep, become drunk, fight again, and even aim a gun at your own best friend, but I believe that you'll still be the loving husband like back then. I have to go now... I have to help other people who have sad lives. I wish I could help them all but I try to do what I can. I hope for the best that you will be happy again and that when some problem comes along.. no matter how big it is.. I hope you'll manage to get through with it... Also, I left a present for your wife up at the Springfield Sign. You know.. the place where you and Marge dated.. think of this present as yours when you get there..._

_Sincerely, Binky the Rabbit... Good luck..._

"Aw.." Homer finished reading the note.

"What does it say Homer?" Marge asked.

"Marge. I have a present for you..."

* * *

It was nighttime and Homer and Marge were in the car together as they drove to the top of the large hill of The Enormous Springfield Sign. Homer and Marge finally made it to the top as Homer parked the car behind some trees and bushes. They stepped out of the car and went towards a cliff near The Springfield sign. They just stood there as they saw something spectacular to their eyes. They saw a whole view of Springfield itself, it was beautiful. They saw the Nuclear Power Plant, the Town Hall, the parks, all the lights, even a smoking building on fire or two but the view was great.

"Isn't this great Homer?" Marge saw the view of the whole town.

"Yeah and that.. huh?" Homer heard a familiar type of music to his ears.

He turned around and saw a radio on the floor that wasn't even plugged in and yet music flew through the radio as Marge also turned around to see it as well.

"Oh Homer... this is our song. 'Long to be'." Marge smiled.

"Huh?.. Oh. Yes it is!" Homer just realized what the name of the song was.

"A nice view of the town and our song? This is great." Marge spoke with joy.

"May I take this dance, my lady?" Homer offered his hand to Marge.

"You may." Marge grabbed a hold of his hand.

The two were once again together and happy as they danced as one married couple in joy hoping that this night would not end no matter how time would forever continued.

"I love you Homie." Marge put her head on Homer's chest as she closed her eyes with a smile.

"I love you too Margie." Homer said as well as he began to listen to the song more carefully.

As they danced happily together while having another chance to see the view of Springfield, there favorite song together sang...

_Why do Birds Suddenly Appear? Every time Your Near? Just Like me. They Long To Be, __**Close To You.**_

_Why do stars Fall down from the sky? Every time you walk by? Just like me. They Long To Be, __**Close To You**__."_

* * *

(Extra: Trivia Questions 2x)

Q: What character from The Simpsons Television series appeared in the Tracy Ullman/Simpsons Shorts besides The Simpsons Family, Krusty The Clown, and Abe Simpson?

A: Jake The Barber

Q: What Tracy Ullman/Simpsons Short was Lake Springfield Introduced?

A: "Gone Fishin"


	40. Season 1B Introduction

Season 1B Introduction

This is the start of Season 1B. We will start with the chapter of TREEHOUSE OF HORROR PART III. Also, like I said before, feel free to asks for a requests (but I won't accept all of them... especially now that most of you seem to request Sideshow Bob Ideas...) and you can also feel free to asks questions through the reviews or messages but it doesn't mean I'm able to answer them all but I will try to answer most of them. Also, this is not just me to thank here for the ideas of the stories but to thank the ones who requested ideas, whether or not if it's accepted, people who take time to read the stories carefully, and people who make interesting and normal reviews. After, Treehouse of Horror Part III... we will get back to how it originally started... comedy. The Simpsons are made up of emotion and comedy and we only successfully did it in a few stories such as the Maude Story, Vietnamese-Skinner relation story, and the two-parter Christmas story... though I think there was a little more...

Read as stories involve Drederick Tatum's life going downhill but trying to rise to fame again, or that a businessman knew Homer Simpson when he was a baby, and this time... a death of a well-known character that will affect the lives of The Simpsons Family... but mostly on an certain man... we won't tell you until it comes out...

* * *

**READ THIS!**

Also I've decided to highlight some jokes in the stories since some of you may not get it at all or that you might say it's random. I got the idea from The Simpsons Comic Books where they highlight jokes but also important subjects.


	41. New Treehouse of Horror Part III

Intro Scene: Kang and Kodos's saucer is seen at a dark gloomy sky of the night as Springfield is now a town of horror field with unexpected things.

Billboard Gag: "Suicide Hotline! Order Now!", and shows a picture of Moe giving a thumbs up and a Five out of Five Stars.

Chalkboard Gag: "I will not raised the dead, again. I will not raised the dead again." as Bart Simpson looks like Hugo Simpson.

Couch Gag: Suddenly the whole family runs to the couch but in a much different appearance. Homer has a donut shape head from "The Devil and Homer Simpson", Marge is a blue Mountain Lion from "The Island of Dr. Hibbert", Bart looks like Hugo from "The Thing and I", Lisa sits at the couch as Clobber Girl from "Desperately Xeeking Xena", and Maggie is a witch from, "I've Grown a Costume on Your Face".

Ep. 38 Synopsis: We have Four Tales of Laughs and... well just Laughs, no Horror at all... What happens when Homer becomes a Rigellian, of what if he holds the hammer of Thor! Or what if Marge becomes possessed by an evil... human... a certain human's... and what about Muddy Carrie, the witch?

* * *

Introducing New. Tree house. Of. Horror. PART II.. BZZ.. If you would like to hear another announcement. Dial 2. If you would like to not hear another announcement. Dial 3. If you would like to say these announcements are pretty annoying. Dial 4. You pressed.. BZZ... Introducing...

NEW TREEHOUSE OF HORROR PART III

IT'S FINALLY HERE FOLKS!

* * *

It was a day for Halloween as Homer and his friends, Lenny, Carl, Barney, and Moe were throwing eggs from a six large buckets of it at a certain house as they smiled in joy for fun.

"Heh, heh. Those adults may have said that were too old to Trick R, Treat but they didn't say anything about egging their houses." Homer chuckled.

"Uh-huh. Uh.. Homer. Your sure the owner of this house doesn't know us... right? We don't want to get into the police again." Moe asked as he now stood there and stopped egging the house due to worry and discomfort.

"This Owner doesn't know us that well, in fact..."

"Homer? Is that you?" Ned Flanders opened the second floor window of the house. "Looks like your egging my house right now."

"Uh.. were.. uh.. decorating it. To show how were friends." Homer said.

"Okay diddly yeserino." Ned said as he closed his window with a smile.

Homer threw another egg along with his friends at the house.

"Were the champions of Halloween!" Homer yelled out loud in the sky.

"Champions of Halloween? What the hell are you talking about?" Bart responded along with his friends, Nelson, Ralph, and Martin came as well as his two younger sisters, Lisa and Maggie.

Bart was wearing a Scarecrow costume, Nelson was just wearing a hat, Ralph just had a paper of a smiley face on it taped to his shirt, Martin wore a mad scientist costume, Lisa wore a blue princess outfit with a pointy hat as well, and Maggie wore a teddy bear costume.

"Bart. Don't curse and we are the champions of Halloween... Hey? Where's your other three friends. Milhouse, Bashir and Handy?" Homer asked.

"Handy decided to Trick R' Treat alone without a costume. He says he's more mature whatever that means while Bashir's parents were going to allow him to go Halloween for the candy until they found out he drank beer during the time we vandalize the Krusty statue so they punished him because of some Muslim thing." Bart answered. "Also, Milhouse just disappeared saying he was on a mission of some sort... I wonder where he is now?"

* * *

Meanwhile in a secret base in the middle of nowhere...

"Hello James Bonds. You are now strap to this table where you will be cut into two by this laser." Goldenfinger spoke, one of the villains of the James Bonds Films.

"What the heck are you talking about? I'm not James Bonds! I'm Milhouse! How did I got here!" Milhouse cried as he was strapped to the table.

"You can cry all you want but in the end James Bonds, you will be nothing but two halves." Goldenfinger left, again calling Milhouse, James Bonds.

* * *

"Well at least Nelson was able to buy a hat and that Lisa wore a cute blue princess outfit." Homer looked at them with a smile.

"Eh, I just stole the hat. Didn't had a single nickel." Nelson replied.

"And I originally wanted to go as an astronaut but mom said that some stupid princess costume made me look cute in front of the boys... whatever that means." Lisa sighed, a little angry. "Oh, and thank you for the complement." Lisa smiled with joy in an instant second.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, what matters is that I'm the Champion of Halloween and that's final!" Homer pointed at Bart's little nose.

"Uh-huh. I bet you can't even tell a good story of Halloween." Bart responded back.

"Oh yeah. Homer can tell a way better story than any of you kids!" Lenny said.

"Yeah!" Barney, Moe, and Carl agreed.

"Yep. Let's take a walk shall we for some inspiration?" Homer said.

The adults and kids started taking their walk in Springfield. They past Lake Springfield, Town Hall, Aztec Movie Theater, Ian's Music Store "The Feel", and the deactivated Monorail. After that... they saw the Nuclear Power Plant.

"Hmm... Hey? Ever heard of Mr. Burns keeping a secret from the people?" Homer chuckled.

"What? No? What is it?" Lisa asked.

"Hmm.. you don't want to know." Homer said.

"C'mon! I'm mature as an adult! I should know! Tell me!" Lisa whined.

"Uh-huh. Your whining and proving more like a childish person by wanting to know what he meant every second while we're just waiting for some story. I bet he has nothing to say anyway." Bart proving that Lisa still ain't like an adult.

"Eh.. fine.." Lisa said.

"Anyway, I do have something to say... Mr. Burns had a huge secret he had to hide when Space Invaders show up!" Homer told them in an strange spooky voice.

"You mean like 'Space Invaders XXI: Return of The Space Invaders, Again, Again.'!" Bart smiled with excitement.

"Uh.. no." Homer spoke as Bart's excitement just vanished. "It's a story of a man who has to work with them and then soon.. he becomes one of them!"

* * *

DISTRICT D... FOR DOH! (Spoof of District 9)

Homer Simpson, an employee of the Nuclear Power Plant, entered Mr. Burns's office as he was afraid of his boss hoping that he won't fire him again because he was ordered to come to his boss through the intercom. As he entered, he quickly stood in front of Mr. Burns's desk where Mr. Burns sat as Smither's stood behind him.

"Uh.. Sir.. What do you.. um.. need me now?" Homer gulped.

"Ah... Mr.. um.." Mr. Burns couldn't pronounce or rather say Homer's full name.

"Simpson, sir." Smither's whispered to his ear.

"Ah yes. Mr. Simpson I presume. You see.. Me and some scientists have founded an alien crash site and we had no choice but to go to the government." Mr. Burns smiled. "Now we had to work with the military to keep this a secret as not many people know where Springfield is... not even I know where... but if the people of Springfield find out about this... there's going to be investigations, interviews, researches, and many difficult impacts that our American Government and me have to face. So we decided to move half of the aliens from District D to District R of the rural lands of Capital City and we decided that you, Homer Simpson, would be perfect for the job."

"I'll do it sir!" Homer saluted with his hand to his forehead.

"Excellent... one more thing..." Mr. Burns grinned with a serious look as he tented his fingertips together.

"Uh.. what?" Homer asked.

"Find me the Crystal Skull in 24 hours..."

"Uh.. sir. We already have the Crystal Skull and we ran over Indiana Jones several times by a jeep and then covered up the incident as a secret." Smither's answered.

"Excellent. Everything is coming to plan... Say? What happened to the fella?" Mr. Burns asked, wondering what happened to Indiana Jones.

* * *

Later at the mental hospital...

Indiana Jones was locked up in a cell tied up who kept saying, "I keep telling you! I founded a cursed magical box, a holy grail, enchanted stones, and even once landed on the moon!".

"Yep. He's crazy. Who actually landed on the moon anyway?" Prof. Monroe asked.

"I did once!" Neil Armstrong yelled, as he was being locked up in a cell.

"Uh-huh. Your saying you actually landed on the moon Neil Armstrong. Lock him up boys." Prof. Monroe said.

"What? WHAT! NOOOOOOOO!" Neil Armstrong screamed, as he was about to be put in a cell.

* * *

Homer stood in front of District D which had large metallic walls and a steel-made gate in front of him which was located in the middle of nowhere as Soldier with large submachine guns stood beside him for protection. He entered the place as he carried a notebook for a report. As he did entered the place, he saw the place filthy looking like a junkyard but he also saw the aliens. The aliens were green, have tentacles, tall, drooled, huge heads with one eyes and big fangs, and wore helmets as well. They lived in homes made of the trash and wood from the junkyard as well, almost looked like the poor-made but strong homes from Africa cities. It was filthy and disgusting what he saw.

"Welcome to District D, an temporary home for the Rigellians of Rigel 7." The leader of the soldiers spoke.

"It smells here!" Homer waved his notebook back and forth like a fan.

"Get used to it, bub. The name is Drake and you're going to stay here for some time whether you like it or not until you finish that report..." Drake, the leader of the soldiers spoke in a serious tone.

"Fine... Huh? Is that a UFO?" Homer spotted a large saucer, well guarded by soldiers, that was already landed on the ground.

"Yep. Anyway! Do your work, Simpson!" Drake yelled at him.

* * *

Homer knocked on one of the doors of the homes, south within District D, and out came a short Rigellians, but tall as Homer size, who drooled continuously on and on.

"BaK du Wat Ku Ma Ku?" The Rigellian asked.

"What? I don't understand you? Is that alien language?" Homer asked.

"'Cough! Cough!'. Sorry, I had a fly in my throat but I speak the language of my people, surprisingly it's the same as your language but you call it English instead." The Rigellian asked. "Anyway? Why have you come?"

"I really don't want this job so... I'll simply just leave... okay?" Homer said.

* * *

As Homer knocked on another house, a red Rigellian quickly slithered out of his home.

"Yes? What do you want?" The Rigellian said.

"May I shake your tentacle as a friend?" Homer said.

"So that's how people become friends around here? Disgusting! But oh well." The Rigellian said as he handed out his green tentacle.

"This tentacle is kind of gooey and slippery."

"Wait a minute? Did you say tentacle? I thought you said testicle!" The Rigellian pulled his "tentacle" away.

"OH GOD NO!" Homer pulled his hand away in shock. "How can you even tell which one of those green things is a tentacle and which is.. um.. you know.."

"Get away from me you sick pervert!" The Rigellian quickly ran into his house and slammed the door, almost as if he was in a hurry and suddenly afraid of him.

* * *

Homer knocked on the next door hoping that it won't be an alien weirder than the last two.

"Yes?" A Rigellian came out wearing a wig of long hair.

"Uh.. you're not going to give me a hand shake or speak in an weird language because of some fly... right?"

"No... I am a hippie alien. Can't you tell by the long wig I have on my glass helmet?" The Hippie Rigellian said.

"I see.. well there's only one thing I have to say to you... HEY GUYS! WE HAVE A HIGH-THREAT HERE ON OUR HANDS! THIS GUY HAS A WIG!" Homer yelled.

Suddenly soldiers quickly came to the "situation" and shot the hippie alien due to Homer's call.

"When will hippies learn they can't change the world with their signs, music, and smoking on crack. They should be more violent protestors.. like American Patriots, The Sons of Liberty, or Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr." Homer said.

"Is it... a crime to protect nature?" The Hippie Rigellian asked.

"Uh.. duh! They just passed a law years ago." A soldier walked by.

* * *

Meanwhile in one of the wooden-poorly made houses, stood two Rigellians working on a secret project which was a small, but hi-tech, canister of a blue liquid.

"We finally did it Kang!" Kodos spoke.

"We finally made the DNA-Rigellian-Human-Duplicator. Also known as DRHD after our great aunt who was killed by the vicious war-race, Teletubbies." Kang said as they looked at a picture on the wall, showing Teletubbies with weapons as they ripped apart there great aunt with their bloody mouths.

"Why do we have that picture again?" Kang asked in confusion.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Err.. Who could it be at this time of the day? Especially when we should be celebrating our newly made invention." Kodos sighed.

"What could we even do with this. All it does is..."

"Shush! We must make sure that the humans don't hear this!" Kodos whispered as he went to see who it was.

"When do I take orders from my younger sister?" Kang grunted as Kodos opened the door.

"Who is it?" Kodos went outside to see Homer and three soldiers behind him.

"Uh.. yeah.. we came here to check on everyone of you and deport you to another District around Capital City." Homer answered.

"I see... Well... Sure. We'll... you can leave now." Kodos said.

"Mr. Alien. It is my duty to check what's going on.. which is strange because I never looked at what the other aliens are doing." Homer turned around as the Rigellians were smiling and waving their hands as they were hiding small biochemical weapons, one of the weapons of Mass Destruction. Homer turned his attention back to Kodos and said, "Mr. Alien. Let us in."

"Looks like I have no choice! If you want to come in than fight!" Kodos pulled a slingshot made of wood from his house.

"Watch out! He has a ten-year old boy's toy!" A soldier yelled out.

Suddenly all the soldiers aimed there large submachine guns at Kodos and pressed the trigger sending waves a bullets through Kodos's helmet, green skin, and his tentacles altogether leaving him dead on the ground.

Suddenly Kang slithered out of the house, holding the canister of blue liquid, and said, "Where's all that shooting noise coming from Kodos. I barely can hear myself.. WHAT THE!..." Kang looked at his dead sister in surprise with a mix of anger and sorrow. "Wh.. what have you earthlings done? I will swear revenge on you earthlings!"

"Uh-huh. What are you going to do about it?.. In fact... what do we have here?" Homer swiped the canister of blue liquid from Kang's tentacles and took a look at it. "Doesn't seem that important. I wonder what it..."

The canister he held immediately spitted the blue liquid all over his face, including his eyes

"OH MY GOD! IT HURTS!" Homer screamed in pain as his eyes were stung and slightly had a burnt feeling from the canister.

"What is it? Did that blue liquid burns?" The soldier asked.

"NO! This blue macaw keeps on pecking my eye!" Homer screamed. "Aren't you going to stop it?"

"Nah, it's kind of cute. Kind of looks like the one from the movie, Rio..." The soldier said as no one didn't stop the macaw.

Suddenly Homer was throwing up uncontrollably as he puked green vomit on the dirty trashy floor, while the macaw flew away.

"Are you alright, sir?" A soldier asked.

"Just get me to Burns. I'll be alright." Homer answered, thinking he's going to be okay... or is he?

* * *

Homer was waiting outside of Mr. Burns's office while in the waiting room as he called his wife through a cell phone.

"Yeah. I got to stay for work for another week or two. Uh-huh... yeah... I love you too honey." Homer spoke through the phone as he finally heard Smither's voice through the intercom.

"Homer Simpson. Mr. Burns would like to see you right now." Smither's spoke through the intercom.

"It's about time." Homer put his cell phone in his pocket as he entered the old man's office and saw Mr. Burns sitting at his desk and Smither's standing right beside him.

"Hello uh... Mr. Houmer.. Howerd.. Uh.. Just Simpson." Mr. Burns said. "How's the work going Simpson?"

"Not bad sir. Half of the aliens are deported to District R. The rest will come soon." Homer answered.

"I see. Good job Simpson. You may salute me if you may? And by may... I mean DO IT OR YOUR FIRED!" Mr. Burns yelled.

"Okay, sir. I will!" Homer saluted his hand to his forehead.

But something was odd this time...

"My god.. what the heck is that?" Smither's astonished to see Homer's arm to be a green tentacle.

"What do you mean of.. AHH!" Homer screamed looking at his arm.

"My god. What big teeth you have." Mr. Burns said.

"Uh.. what the?" Homer looked at his teeth to see two of them turning into big fangs.

"What a big bulging eye you have." Mr. Burns saw Homer's right eye turned into a big cat-like eye. "What smell you have as well..."

"Uh.. that's always been there... heh heh." Homer chuckled with a fake smile.

"Whatever.. but you are one of those disgusting Rigellians! You must be dissected! Tortured! Cut into pieces if must to study you!" Mr. Burns yelled.

"No! I'm not one of them! I'm human I say! HUMAN!" Homer yelled.

Mr. Burns pressed one of the buttons that was linked to the intercom and said, "Guards! We have ourselves a human-Rigellian hybrid in my office! Quick! Hurry!"

Suddenly guards with submachine guns came bursting into the office and saw Homer, who the man was now afraid of the soldiers.

"Ew.. what the hell is that thing!" One of the guards said.

"Must be some kind of horrible experiment." Another guard spoke. "Eh, still... get him!"

The guards quickly gathered together towards Homer who stepped back to an open window of Mr. Burns's office. He looked down at the window to see a truck filled with pillows with the Pillows R' Us logo on it.

"Heh, heh! I may be a monster right now! But you won't get me!" Homer said as he leaped through the window, only one problem that is... he was stuck through the window due to his weight that wasn't changed. "Uh.. a little help here please?"

"Sure thing." A guard said as he pushed his legs and bottom as hard as he can. It took a while but he managed to do it.

"See ya later suckers!" Homer said in joy.

He was about to fall into a truck of pillows, instead due to the waste of time from being stuck through the window, the truck set off to its destination as Homer looked down to see a concrete-hard road down there and screamed, "AHH!". A second later, he got hurt by the solid road as he landed on it.

"Oooooohhhhhh. Why does bad things happen to me all the time? Why can't something good happen to me for once?... Hey, a lucky penny!" Homer laid there, spotted a penny on the ground as he had so many injuries from the fall and onto the ground.

* * *

Homer stood in front of the gigantic metallic walls of District D as his left ear started to become pointy. How was he going to get in? There was a group of soldiers ready to enter District D as they stood in front of the large doors, while Homer was hiding behind a bush. As the soldiers waited, the doors opened and they entered the area. As the last of the soldiers entered it, Homer quickly ran through the doors just as it was about to close.

"They'll never find me here..." Homer said as he ran to an alley between two poorly made houses that stood next to the pile of trash. "Now what to do now?"

"Psss..." A person said to Homer behind.

He turned around and saw Kang behind him and said, "It's you! Because of you! I'm being hunted by the military and Mr. Burns's attack dogs!"

"Yes. I know... but I can help you! See that spaceship over there?" Kang pointed at the UFO guarded by several soldiers.

"Uh-huh?" Homer said.

"If you can get me there, I can cure you in the next three years." Kang spoke.

"Hmm... three years..."

"Take it or leave it, buster." Kang spoke again.

"Eh.. fine.." Homer sighed.

"Now come. You can hide at my place."

* * *

Homer entered Kang's house as it looked like an average normal small spaced room with a table and couple of chairs.

"Huh... How are you going to make a plan with the junk here you have?" Homer asked.

"Right here." Kang opened a little door on the floor that had a ladder to it.

"Oh great... a secret door to some underground area... what's new?" Homer sighed.

"Just get in..."

So they did, as Homer and Kang made it to the bottom of the ladder, Homer saw a laboratory.

"My god! If the soldiers see this, than you can be executed." Homer said.

"Uh-huh... take a look at this! Our set of alien weaponry!" Kang showed his weaponry placed on the table.

"Uh.. that's just a baseball bat, a wood with a nail to it, and a slingshot." Homer said.

"Hmm... I never noticed that..." Kang realized what his weapons were.

Suddenly Homer spotted a child-like Rigellian on the floor smiling at him.

"Aw.. you have a child?" Homer said.

"What? No. That's just my lunch." Kang said as he grabbed the little Rigellian and threw it into his mouth, chewed it, and swallowed.

"Ew..." Homer seeing that the Rigellians were also cannibals to their own kind. "Uh.. don't you have a type of weapon that's... well... no match for the weapons we have..."

"Well.. we do have the Deluxe-Master Suit 2000." Kang said as he went near a large closet. "Hmm.. Here it is right now."

Kang opened the large closet revealing a robotic armor suit, with shining robotic tentacles, a metallic saucer-shape body, and a large bullet-proof helmet... it's as if this armor suit was based on a Rigellians appearance.

Homer just stood there staring at it as Kang said, "Behold! The power of the suit! A class-three force-field around it capable of deflecting most of the bullets! A high-tech jet pack for lifting this heavy metal machine faster to other places! And a selection of powerful weaponry with the most powerful of them of all!"

"Hey... that's just a baseball bat but this time you painted yellow stripes on it." Homer pointed at th bat.

"Whatever..." Kang responded back.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY 2:50... MMM... 2:50... GLAAAARRRRGHH

"So have you seen the movie, Rio? The movie about that blue macaw?" A Soldier asked as he was one of the many who was guarding the UFO.

"Yeah. Great Movie! Better than Ice Age and Shrek combined you might say. Still... lacks a little comedy but still... the plot, music, colorful setting, and so many things in it make up for it... Kind of actually makes you want to care about extinct species and the Amazon forest... even for a Republican." The other Soldier said.

"I hope they make a sequel and... Good Gravy! What the heck is that?" The soldier saw a fat mutated man taking control of the Deluxe-Master Suit 2000.

It was Homer Simpson in that armored suit as he pressed a certain button as a missile launcher appeared on the sides of the armor. The soldiers began to shoot at Homer, but the bullets couldn't break through the armor, instead six missiles aimed towards at them as Homer sang, "I am Iron Man, da da da da da na na!"

"That was easy... hmm... what does this button do?" Homer saw a red button with a skull and a crossbones and pressed it.

Suddenly a little tiny missile appeared from the alien armor weaponry and launched off.

* * *

Meanwhile in space of the construction of the International Space Station...

"Were almost done after that nuclear missile hit the thing." The American Astronaut said.

"This will be a symbol of peace across the world!" The Japanese Astronaut.

"Yep. We can now put our differences aside.. huh?" The Canadian Astronaut saw a red dot on the ISS.

Suddenly a small tiny missile landed on the International Space Station as the Russian Astronaut said, "Oh thank god. It's just some toy in outer..."

KA-BAM! The ISS was once again destroyed by a missile.

"I hate my job..." The American Astronaut said once again.

* * *

Later at District D, a fight has begun as one human and one alien was against a group of trained soldiers for combat that surrounded them.

Homer who was in the suit had machine guns mounted on the body of the suit as it was firing at soldiers. Soon Kang showed up.

"I'm here! Did I miss anything?" Kang said as he brought his ray gun with him.

"Yeah... oh and nice bathroom you got in this suit." Homer said.

"There's no bathroom!" Kang yelled at him.

"Oh... but we shouldn't complain about that. There's too many of them right now! God! Please send something down from haven to take down these people!" Homer yelled at the sky.

Suddenly a huge scraps of metal from the International Space Station came flying down from Outer Space and landed on the groups of soldiers.

"Who knew God was interested in space?" Homer said.

"Yeah... that should be the last of them anyway. To the spaceship." Kang said.

"To the spaceship my ass." Drake spoke to himself as he was hiding on top of the pile of trash with a sniper in his hands, aiming towards Kang. "That alien gone, that Homer won't have an idea to pilot that thing. One bullet..."

Suddenly Homer spotted a shining gleam from the top of the pile of trash. He saw a man holding a sniper as the gleam came from the glass of the scope, while Kang wasn't looking.

Suddenly as Drake pressed the trigger, Homer who was still in the suit leaped from the ground, protecting Kang from the bullet. He successfully manage to block the bullet and he wasn't harmed at all as the suit was bullet proof. This caused the bullet to bounce back to Drake himself, right in the heart.

"Oh... this is got to be the worst thing since Bill Gates created Microsoft products..." Drake spoke, and finally fell down to the ground dead.

"You saved my life, in return... when I conquer this world I will make your death quick as possibly with no pain at all." Kang promised.

"What was that?" Homer asked as he started to grow a green rash across his arm and neck.

"Uh.. nothing.." Kang said as the two walked towards the UFO.

Kang quickly entered his spaceship as it started to take off.

"Bye!" Homer waved his hand as Kang left towards space.

"Hey? Where's my spaceship?" E.T. spoke as he saw no spaceship.

* * *

THREE YEARS LATER... at the Simpsons House.

Kang came bursting in with a vile of the cure.

"Oh Simpsons! I have a cure for you!" Kang yelled. "Simpsons?

Kang entered the kitchen and said, "Oh god no! What happened here?"

Why did Kang spoke like this? He saw Homer looking like a Rigellian but with his facial hair and his two strips of hair on top, but that did not surprise him. He saw the rest of the family sitting at the dinner table as skeletons.

"What happened here? Let's say I invited them for lunch and ate Bart's shorts..." Homer burped out a pair of blue shorts to the dinner table.

"You're saying you ate your whole family? Oh well.. that happens a lot on my planet anyway. Do you want the cure or what?" Kang said.

"Nah. I'm actually used to being an alien, plus I have a longer lifespan, I can reach for the remote with these long tentacles on the couch, and I can destroy anything I want with this cool ray gun." Homer said.

"Uh-huh.. I'll just leave now. Say.. Are you going to eat that?" Kang pointed at Santa's Little Helper, Snowball, and Plopper the Pig on the floor.

"Eh, go nuts." Homer answered.

* * *

Homer, Carl, Lenny, Barney, and Moe were walking along with Bart, Nelson, Ralph, Martin, Lisa, and Maggie who were walking by the closed Mall.

"That story wasn't scary one bit Homer." Bart said. "I still wonder where's Milhouse..."

* * *

"Step on it Agent K!" Agent J, from the Men In Black series, spoke as they were in a car, being chased by a huge worm-like alien.

"I don't how a car works! I'm just a kid and I'm not Agent K" Milhouse spoke, wearing a suit and sunglasses like Agent J.

"Oh god! It's coming closer!

* * *

"I got a better story that beats your last one Homer." Bart claimed.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Moe asked.

"See that mysterious woods over there." Bart pointed to a huge load of trees near the mall.

"Uh.. yeah.." Homer spoke.

"There was once a time where a man entered the woods and found a strange weapon... from a strange old man.. from a strange..."

"Just tell the story boy!" Homer hit Bart's head with his hand.

"Eh, I was just getting to that!" Bart complained.

* * *

HOMER! GOD OF THUNDER AND DONUTS!

Homer secretly stepped out of the mall as he spoke, "Oh thank god, Marge didn't see me. Stupid Shopping sprees..."

"Homer! Where are you?" Marge's voice was heard from inside the mall.

"Oh! I have to hide... but where?" Homer said as he saw three locations to hide from Marge's love of shopping. "Should I hide at the First Church of Springfield, the good old Hospital, or the Evil Enchanted Forest where those two children were lost and said to be eaten by a witch in some type of candy house?"

"Homer? Is that you?" Marge heard Homer's voice.

"I'll take my chances with that evil forest right over there!" Homer quickly ran to the Evil Enchanted Forest.

As he entered the area, he saw darkness as the tall dead trees covered the light with its poor wrinkled leaves.

"It doesn't seem that bad..." Homer said.

Suddenly a man came up to him wearing a suit and held a piece of paper who said, "Excuse me, but would you like to sign this petition of banning alcohol forever?"

"AHH! THIS PLACE IS CURSED!" Homer screamed as he ran away from the man with the petition.

"Sheesh, why not just go to the exit behind him?" The Man with the petition said pointing the closest entrance out of the enchanted forest.

* * *

Homer, who was tired of running, stopped to take a breath. Suddenly an old man in a cloak appeared towards him with a sinister grin to his face.

"Excuse me... are you here to wield the hammer of Moljnir?" The old man in the cloak spoke as he revealed an magical hammer of stone stuck to an enchanted stump of wood.

"Uh.. what does it do?" Homer asked.

"Whoever wields this power will become the new Thor! The God of Thunder!" The old Cloaked Man explain.

"Nah. Sounds like it has too much responsibility to it." Homer said.

"You can get all the girls you want."

"Already got a wife. That's enough for... well.. my whole life."

"You can earn respect to your people."

"Nope. Got respect from enough people. There's a mob coming soon at 3:00 after I burnt down the 99 cents store."

"You could send lightning to that horrible movie director, Michael Bay."

"Nah. He's earn enough death threats from over-protective parents." Homer said.

"Ned Flanders said he's going to wield first before you do!"

"He did, eh? Give me a try on that hammer!" A convinced Homer spoke as he went towards the stump.

He easily pulled it out and suddenly lighting strike towards Homer, unharmed, turning him into the new Thor. He instantly had armor, animal-made clothing, and even his own Viking helmet.

"Mother of pearl! You are the new wielder of Moljner!" The man bowed down.

"Woo-hoo! I'm a Marvel Superhero!" Homer shouted in surprise.

"Actually that stuff in the comics is not the true depiction of Thor."

"Whatever. Let's test this baby out." Homer looked at his new hammer.

Homer than raised his hammer to the sky and send a strong strike of lightning to the skies.

"Where did you send that lightning too?" The man asked.

"I don't know. Just testing it out." Homer said.

* * *

"Ol' Gil has finally own a grocery store with its own tanks of fuel.

"Now I can finally compete with that other store and.. what is that in the sky?" Ol' Gil said seeing some kind of lightning bolt coming towards his large amount of property.

The next second later, a huge explosion appeared.

"Oh.. why me.." Gil's skeleton spoke.

* * *

Homer stepped out of the forest as he wore Viking clothes and held the hammer of Moljnir as he stepped onto the parking lot of the mall.

"Hi diddly doodly there Viking Homer." Ned greeted Homer as he noticed he was wearing the clothes of a Viking.

"Uh-huh. Got this destructive hammer. Don't know what to do with it though." Homer looked at his powerful hammer.

"Why not use it for good and wipe out the evils across Springfield?" Ned suggested.

"Nah.. What did one of my friends said?" Homer thought.

Suddenly he thought of Hank Scorpio who said, "With Great Power comes with Great Destruction!" he laughed insanely.

"Eh.. that can't be right. Oh well." Homer aimed his hammer at Ned and send a powerful wave of lightning to him.

Suddenly Ned was burnt to dust due to the powerful lightning from the hammer.

"Homer? Where did you got those clothes?" Marge spoke as she and the kids went towards Homer.

"I think I know what it is! Dad must be a powerful Norse God of Thunder of the Viking ages. Also known as Thor." Lisa said.

"Lisa? How can the Vikings rip-off from Marvel Comics if there all dead?" Bart said.

"Stop talking boy. This power gives me an great idea what to do!" Homer said. "I now know what I must do with this power!"

Suddenly Homer thought of himself at the couch, watching TV, as he switched the channels by using his hammer to send lightning to the TV as he said, "Next. Next. Next."

* * *

The next day, Homer who still held his hammer went to the Kwik-E-Mart for a snack. As he entered the store, he picked up a six-pack of Duff and went towards the counter while Apu looked at his strange clothing.

"Uh.. what's with the barbaric clothing you have there?" Apu looked at Homer.

"For your information. I've just been chosen as the new God of Thunder. Anyway, I want a six-pack of beer please." Homer put the six-pack on the counter.

"Okay sure. ninety-six dollars please." Apu said.

Suddenly Apu was shocked by lightning from Homer's Hammer and said, "Uh.. forty-eight dollars?". Again he was shocked by lighting and said, "Three dollars?..." Yet he was still shocked by lightning causing him to say, "Free?". Again, he was shocked by the force of lightning causing him to say, "Uh.. free and do you want money from the cashier...". He was shocked by lightning for the fifth time and he finally said, "Okay! Okay! Take anything you want!"

"Good business we have here." Homer took the six-pack free along with a few magazines and a box of donuts. "Oh.. I also need to recharge my hammer."

Homer raised his hammer into the air and sucked the electricity from the Kwik-E-Mart and checked his hammer again.

"Hmm.. Not enough..." Homer said.

He raised his hammer again, and he fully sucked the juice out of the Kwik-E-Mart as everything went dark except the windows that still gave light, but he also not only did that... the whole town was out of electricity, completely shutdown.

"That's good enough." Homer walked out of the Kwik-E-Mart with some stolen items and stolen electricity at the sametime.

As Homer walked onto the parking lot, he heard a voice.

"Uh.. Excuse me. I'm looking for Homer J. Simpson." A muscular man in barbaric clothing spoke as he wielded a mace.

"Oh that's me." Homer said.

"Your Homer J. Simpson?" The Muscular Barbaric Man looked at his bald head, weight, and had flabby arms.

"Yep." Homer replied.

"Your the one who pulled out Moljnir?" The man looked at the hammer Homer wielded.

"Uh-huh..."

"Well... if you say so... oh yeah. Almost forgot. I am Erikson from Asgard. I came here because of Odin. You must come with me to Asgard to discuss about your power." Erikson said.

"Uh-huh. Whatever crazy man." Homer said, but as he took another step... he suddenly appeared in a park on a floating golden city in the middle of space. "What the?"

"You are in Asgard, my friend. Come, come. You must meet Odin, chosen one." Erikson spoke in joy.

* * *

Homer and Erikson entered the throne of Asgard and saw Odin sitting at the largest chair, Homer has ever seen.

"This must be how FOX lives like..." Homer thought.

"Ahh.. so this is the new owner of the hammer Moljner. The new Thor." Odin said with joy.

"Yeah.. what do you have to eat around here?" Homer asked, scratching his butt.

"In Asgard, we eat so much food that you can dream of... but we usually have a task before they can become one of us." Odin spoke.

"So what's the task? I'll do it for the donuts." Homer spoke.

"Well.. let's see.. since you have such great power from that hammer... will give you a more difficult task of defeating your arch nemesis, Loki. An evil prankster who wishes to destroy both Asgard and Earth together and..."

"Yeah, yeah. I deal with pranksters before and I will deal with this one." Homer said.

"Good.. you must go to Jotunheimer, the land where Loki has allied himself with the giants. Good luck on your quest." Odin said as suddenly Homer vanished into thin air.

* * *

Suddenly Homer appeared in the vast icy lands of Jotunheimer as he was shivering and chattering his teeth due to the harsh winds.

"Man... what can I do to get a fire around here... wait a minute. That leaveless branch... and this hammer... I can create fire with this..." Homer said seeing a tree in the cold lands. "By the power of Moljner! I command LIGHTNING!"

Suddenly out of nowhere, black clouds formed and suddenly "BOOM!" lightning strike the branches of the tree and fire appeared, but as Homer got near it for warmth, a blizzard came... taking out the fire and covered Homer with snow, but soon, the harsh winds stopped and the winds were now calmer. Homer was in a pile of snow but he got out as he rubbed it off his clothes.

"Man, Jutnhoomer-whatever it's called is so dangerous and.." Homer spoke for a moment until he bumped into something. "What now?"

Homer looked up and saw an huge giant made of ice.

"Uh-oh..." Homer spoke to himself.

The Ice Giant roared at him as Homer screamed like a little girl. He was about to run for his life but was already captured and held in front of the Ice Giant's face as he looked hungry.

"Please don't kill me! I have a family! Eat them!... Oh well... if this is my last moments, I better drink that last beer I've been having." Homer pulled out his last can of Duff.

The Ice Giant spotted Homer's duff can as he sniffed it.

"Hrm?" The Ice Giant smirked as he grabbed the Duff can with his fingers tip and threw it in his mouth.

"Hey! That's my duff!" Homer yelled...

But suddenly the Ice Giant became drunk and dizzy all of one tiny can of beer. The Giant dropped Homer, landing onto the ground, while the Giant walked back and forth... the monster fell down to the ground causing himself to break into pieces of ice.

"The Ice Giant is dead... but at what price!" Homer cried as he dropped to his knees to the puddle of beer leaking out of the destroyed Ice Giant.

Suddenly Homer heard a strange voice that spoke, "So you are Thor!"

"What? Who the hell are you?" Homer stood up as he saw a skinny nerd wearing green clothes and a cape.

"I am Loki! The master of all pranks!" The Skinny Nerd spoke

"Your Loki? This is a joke right?" Homer said.

"Whatever you fat barbarian."

"Fat Barbarian? WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer strangled the nerd by the neck with his own bare hands.

Loki could not breathe under the strong arms but he was able to escape by teleporting to another location that was near Homer.

"Oh my. I have never seen such powerful hands." Loki rubbed his neck in pain. "But no matter! I have the most powerful weapon in the world!"

Suddenly a blue Spix Macaw appeared in Loki's hand.

"Aw.. he's so cute! Yes you are! Yes you are! Just like the one in that Rio movie." Homer looked at the bird.

Suddenly, the blue Spix Macaw's size and appearance grew bigger and uglier each second as Homer stopped calling it, "Cute" as the macaw was now a snake-headed-bird bodied monster.

"Behold! The great Basilisks!" Loki yelled.

"Hey wait a minute... you just stole that off of Greek Mythology!"

"Eh.. what do you expect? I'm known for ripping-off people. Anyway, have a good fight." Loki said his final word as he teleported away from the fight.

Homer was now facing the basilisk as he said, "Uh.. Good little birdie.. now I'm sure we can work this out and.."

The Basilisks roared at Homer's face as his face was jiggling away from the mighty roar.

"Well then.. Looks like I'll have to take you down by myself!" Homer spoke bravely as he held his hammer.

Homer and the Basilisks prepared for battle as the clash between the two has begun with mighty...

"HOLD IT!" Uncle Sam appeared as suddenly the whole story froze. "This is NC-17 violence and therefore I cannot show this fight to anyone. So instead.. enjoy these clips of puppies running across the garden.

Suddenly the awesome spectacular fight clip turned into a clip of puppies running around the garden, chasing their tails, and sleeping on the grass.

"Aren't they cute? These are the most cutest dogs. Better than that fight you could've seen... Holy Cow! The fight between Homer and the Basilisks is the outrageously fun thing I seen since beating hippies at the park! My god! What is Homer going to use his hammer for! Oooh! The Basilisks dodged it!... Wait! I think it's over..."

Suddenly the clip from cute little puppies turned back to the clip of Homer and the Basilisks still fighting in puddles of blood. Again, it instantly changed back to the clips of puppies as Uncle Sam said, "Oh.. my mistake. Looks like the battle wasn't over and... Oooh! That's got to hurt! Okay, it's finally over."

* * *

Homer stood on top of the dead Basilisks as he reigned supreme over the monster. Suddenly, Homer disappeared and warped into another location.

Homer appeared in Asgard in the throne of Odin as everyone looked at him in joy.

"Homer! You defeated the Basilisks! Thanks for the good deed." Odin congratulated him.

"So where's the donuts?"

"Donuts? Oh, sorry. You don't get any... we said that you have to defeat Loki but he's still out there at large causing mischief so.. uh.. no reward."

"I worked my butt off to defeat monsters with no reward... oh that's it!" Homer said.

Homer raised his hammer in lightning as the Asgardians prepared for battle. This was going to be the most...

"Stop right there!" Uncle Sam spoke as the clip freezed. "This battle is now rated as NC-17. So again we will now be seeing the cutest kitties in the world and... Oh Holy of Pearl! That is the greatest battle I have seen since Bill Clinton got beaten by feminist everywhere..."

* * *

The adults and children were walking on the sidewalk as they spotted a certain house in the suburbs.

"Hey! Isn't that Mom's house when she was a kid?" Lisa asked.

"Yep... but you know what they say..." Homer spoke.

"What?" Martin asked.

"Oh nothing... nothing but that your mother used to be possessed until a certain exorcist came... but there are still rumors going on that she is still possessed. heh heh.. HAH HAH!" Homer laughed crazily as lightning appeared out of nowhere.

"Where's Milhouse? Seriously?" Bart asked, interrupting Homer's moment of horror.

* * *

"Martin Harris doesn't exist." An Old Man spoke next to an assassin and a black truck as they were in a parking lot.

"I'm not Martin Harris!" Milhouse complained.

"Exactly. He doesn't exist!"

"No. I mean..."

Suddenly out of nowhere, a taxi came to the parking lot, running the two over to death. A woman stepped out of the taxi and said, "Come! Come! Hurry Martin!"

"When is these weird things going to stop?" Milhouse asked to himself.

* * *

"These weird things are just the beginning Milhouse... heh heh." Homer said.

"Who are you talking too?" Barney asked.

"Eh, I don't really know. Anyway back to the possessed story." Homer said.

* * *

How's The Exorcism?

**OCTOBER 31st 1962...**

It was a day of lightning and thunder as a certain house on the street stood below the storm... the house of the Bouvier's that is...

Jacqueline Bouvier sat next to her husband Clancy Bouvier in the living room as they heard strange happening coming from upstairs. They couldn't take it anymore to just wait so instead they walked up on the stairs and at the front door where all the evil was... They decided to hear what's going on through the door hearing...

"Evil I cast you out!" A Man said through the door.

"Make Me!" Another voice was heard.

"Oh yeah! Well guess what! I just did!" The Man yelled.

"NO!..." The Voice screamed in thunder.

Everything became quiet calm now... the door opened, and a priest stepped out with a bible... it was Abe Simpson.

"Is Marge alright?" Jacqueline asked.

"Who? Oh, the eight year old. She's alright. Took the possessed force out of her body but it wasn't easy... almost had an heart attack. Anyway, I'm going to see my wife." Abe said.

"Wife? Aren't you catholic?" Clancy Bouvier asked.

"I'm Protestant. Can't you see the big difference in marriage of priests in the two Christianities? You people think that there the same. Anyway where's the nearest tavern? I need a drink."

"But you just said you need to see your wife." Jacqueline asked.

"Wife? I see her all the time. Why would I do it now? Anyway, when's the next football game showing up?"

"This guy's nuts..." Clancy whispered to his wife.

* * *

**TODAY...**

At the house of The Simpsons, it was a beautiful morning as Homer was reading the newspaper and Marge was cooking breakfast while Bart and Lisa were fighting over the last ounce of milk for cereal.

"It's my last drop of milk!" Bart argued.

"No! It's my last drop of milk!" Lisa argued.

"Kids, can you just be quiet for a second. Your giving me a headache." Marge said, feeling stress once again as usual.

Instead the two kids just kept on arguing and saying, "It's my last drop of milk! No! It's my last drop of milk!". Suddenly Marge couldn't take it anymore and spoke, "SHUSH! YOU LITTLE DIRTY TROUBLEMAKERS!" in a completely different voice... almost of a man's actually...

Suddenly the two kids stopped arguing and just sat down quietly.

"Finally those two kids shut up. Anyway, can you make some bacon and I like it roasted, possibly fried." Homer said.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a large amount of vomit was thrown at Homer right at him as he fell to the ground from Marge's mouth.

"Ew.. vomit... Okay lady. If you're going to throw up unusually that much vomit than do it at the front yard like Maggie does. New rule!" Homer grunted as he demanded the rule to happen.

Suddenly Homer had a large amount of vomit thrown to him again this time he didn't fell to the ground but was slammed to the wall due to the force of this disgusting move.

"Is that all you got?" Homer said.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a Spix Macaw appeared on Marge's shoulder.

"Not him again!" Homer screamed.

In a minute later, Homer was being pecked multiple times by this small bird.

* * *

Later at the First Church of Springfield.

Reverend Lovejoy was about to leave as he grabbed his bible, getting ready to leave the Church and head towards home, until a man stood in front of him with a coat on. He spotted the man who also happened to wore sunglasses and a hat, only thing is why is he here?

"Uh... who are you?" Reverend Lovejoy asked.

The man took off the brown coat, sunglasses, and the hat to reveal himself as Homer Simpson but he looked worried and scared.

"Reverend Lovejoy. I have bad news..." Homer spoke in discomfort.

"What is it now? You fed some holy water to the pigs again?"

"No... I think my wife's been possessed by someone or something and I tried everything. The police, hospital, psychiatrist, Moe's tavern.. and.. and.. and I need you to perform an exorcism!" Homer hesitated.

"Homer... we protestants don't believe in exorcism, you must just be confused and tired." Lovejoy responded, as he put his hand on Homer's shoulder.

"Yeah... I knew I should've gone to the Catholics first..."

"Whoa! Let's not get crazy now! I mean.. well.. we could try this exorcism out to save a soul. Let me just get ready and prepared for this." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Oh thank you! Please hurry!" Homer spoke, and ran outside quickly as he can but as he did, Reverend Lovejoy thought differently...

"Possessed? What a phony. Well... better get this so called 'exorcism' thing over with or I'll lose another member of the church." Lovejoy picked up his bible.

* * *

Reverend Lovejoy entered The Simpsons house during a dark rainy night. The Simpsons, except for Marge, were sitting in the living room as Reverend entered the room.

"Okay, Homer. Tell me where this 'possessed woman' is." Reverend Lovejoy sighed.

"She's upstairs in the master bed room, but be careful. She speaks very strangely too... I think it's German... " Homer remarked.

Homer and Reverend Lovejoy went upstairs, through the hallway and at the main door of the master bedroom. As the men opened the door, they saw Marge on the bed tied by rope.

"Hmm... I don't see a grotesque face at all. She looks pretty normal to me." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Grotesque face? What is this? The Exorcist film?" Homer grunted.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get it over with. You stay back with your kids and I'll get rid of the problem. That easy." Reverend said.

"Okay, but if I learned anything from Christian Horror Movies, there's usually a catch to it." Homer said, as he is about to take a walk down to the living room.

As Reverend Lovejoy saw Marge Simpson not having a grotesque face but rather more of an insane, cold, and silent look to her face, she stared at him.

"So you think I'm not possessed, eh?" Marge spoke in a strange man-like voice.

"If you are really possessed by someone or something, than why not try to escape while you can. These knots aren't even tied tight." Reverend said.

"I don't use such power for the simplest things plus what are you here for stupid little man."

"Watch your mouth missy. I'm a man of god." Reverend said with a little anger grown to his spine.

"Man of God? Then why did he created Hitler who killed thousands of innocent Jews? Or created Pope Alexander who abuses power to kill the innocent people for different Christian beliefs? Or what about that atheist Stalin, huh?"

"So what? You can't have Good without Evil. Can't have Heaven without Hell. Can't have Chris Noland without Michael Bay." Reverend said.

"Oh yeah, I just remembered that the packers lost in the last super bowl."

"My god! You are possessed..." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Wait? What? I was just making fun of you and your already believe I'm possessed... I was about to create fire, or move furniture around in this room or... eh." The Possessed Marge spoke.

"Well... if you are possessed than how was it done in the first place?"

"Comedy Central TV." She answered.

"Huh? Really? Usually it's FOX for some reason that causes a person to be possessed... Guess other channels are getting influenced by that network... still, I must perform the exorcism and..."

Suddenly Reverend Lovejoy was thrown into the wall by a large amount of green vomit.

"Uh.. on second thought.. I'll just get some help..." Reverend Lovejoy said on the floor.

* * *

Reverend Lovejoy entered the Living Room to see the rest of the Simpsons Family as he was covered in green vomit.

"I'm afraid that this is out of my power. She's been possessed by something powerful and it's not one of those strong demons. I can tell because usually the vomit is supposed to be brown and not green and she's not speaking in a tongue of hell and sin. She must be possessed by something else..." Reverend said.

"Well, why not get help?" Lisa asked.

"Already know where. I know that the greatest Protestant Exorcist lives right here in Springfield." Reverend Lovejoy said. "I even have his card."

Homer took a look at this card and it said, "Possessed? Call Abe Simpson!"

"Dad's an Exorcist?" Homer said.

"That's right! I'm an Exorcist!" Abe's Voice came out of nowhere.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Springfield Retirement Castle...

Reverend Lovejoy walked into the hallways of the old folks home looking for one old Abe Simpson. As he walked through the crooked old hallways, he found Abe Simpson's door. He took a step in the room and saw an old man watching TV.

"Excuse me. Are you Abraham J. Simpson?" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Yes. So?" Abe asked, watching TV as an old man.

"Well... there's this problem at your son's house and his wife, Marge Simpson... is possessed."

"Possessed? Impossible! I already took out the evil spirit out of her soul when she was a child." Abe said.

"That and I don't think it wasn't some kind of powerful demon but evil sinned humans. It was a theory I thought of while driving here." Reverend said.

"Humans? You mean more than one human? In fact, it sounds even more crazy that it's a human and not an evil spirit. Hmm..."

"Yes, that's why I need your help to vanish those evil men or women out of her body."

"Hmm... I have an heart condition you know... oh well... I'm going to die sooner or later. First, I better get some supplies..." Abe said.

* * *

Abe was at the Kwik-E-Mart as he wore a brown coat, a hat, and held a suitcase along with a grocery list on his hand.

"Let's see here, I already got Bart's water gun... now I need some holy water with it... and a Cross, a Bible, and some bread and wine..."

Later, Abe Simpson got all the items he had and went towards the counter of the Kwik-E-Mart store to purchase these items.

"Hello Abraham Simpson. You don't come here that often." Apu said as he scanned a bottle of holy water.

"Yep. Have some plans tonight."

"You came here for exorcism supplies?" Apu said as he scanned the bread.

"How did you know that?" Abe said.

"Well... it's almost twelve on the clock, your dressed with fancy clothing, and you seem more serious this time. Yep that's all... Oh... and that there's also a bunch of other exorcists here too." Apu said.

Abraham Simpson turned around and saw other Christian Exorcists buying supplies as well.

"Scuse me... but all the bottles of holy water has run out..." An Exorcist came to the counter.

"Oh. Don't worry. We never ran out of these blessed waters you Christians like so much." Apu smiled.

The Hindu went towards the sink of the counters and got old empty plastic bottles from the ground and filled them with tapped water instead of blessed water from the sink as the Exorcists weren't looking.

* * *

Abe Simpson stood in front of The Simpsons house on the darkest hour of the darkest night with his trusty hat and suitcase, preparing for his life-threatening task.

Abe Simpsons went to the door and knocked waiting for an response. The door opened, revealing Homer at the door knob and said... "It's about time your here! Hurry up and make it choppy!"

"Yeah, yeah! I'll get it done and over with." Abe said angrily as he stepped into the house as the old man he is. "Where's Reverend Lovejoy?"

"Here!" Reverend Lovejoy entered the room with his trustful bible in his hand.

"Oh good. I'm going to need you for this as I have an heart condition from the last time... but beware. An evil thing like that will deceive you in any possible way. They will try to mix lies with the truth or they will try to mix the truth with lies!"

"Isn't that the same thing?" Homer asked.

"Shut up. Who ever asked you? Now let's hurry this up uh notch. My favorite TV show is coming on soon." Abe spoke as he pulled out a water gun filled with holy water from his suitcase.

"What's with the toy?" Reverend asked.

"To spray water faster and it's also more fun. Anyway, we better do this quick."

* * *

Abe entered the room with Reverend Lovejoy to see the possessed Marge tied to the bed.

"What the heck is this? Your tying her to the bed all because you just saw some movie?" Abe said. "In my days we had to break their bones so they can't move... but I guess this will work too... Anyway, don't fall for her tricks at all no matter what she does. I done a little research and this woman is possessed by three spirits. We just need to know who they are and take them out by force and..."

"You talk too much." Marge spoke.

"Possessing talk eh?"

"Actually I'm not possessed right now." Marge spoke in her normal voice.

"Lies! It's lies. First you're going to tell me to be a hippie than? Aren't you?"

"Oh will this guy shut up? Man, your more annoying than you were before!" The Possessed Marge spoke.

"Like I said. Lies!"

"Actually, he may be right about that. You are actually kind of annoying." Reverend Lovejoy spoke.

"On her side, eh?"

"Can we just hurry up and..."

Suddenly Reverend Lovejoy, before he could say a word, was thrown into the wall once again by vomit.

"Will you stop that?" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Eh, there's only one way to combat that Lovejoy." Abe said.

"Quiet you!" The Possessed Marge said as she was about to throw up a large amount of puke on Abe...

However, before she can do it, Abe threw up a large amount of puke on Marge, larger than hers.

"Yuck! This is disgusting even by my standards!" The Possessed Marge said, noticing that Abe's vomit was not green but rather a mix of brown and yellow.

"Yep. Anyway, _In the name of God I..._ Oh what now?" Abe said as she saw the possessed Marge floating in air as the rope untied itself.

"Oh man... that's a little way too far for me." Reverend Lovejoy gulped seeing the levitation of Marge in the air.

"Eh. It's just another one of her tricks." Abe pulled out some scissors.

"Hey! Wait! What are you doing? Wait! Wait!" The Possessed Marge said, but Abe cut several invisible strings attached to Marge and to the ceiling causing her to fall to the bed.

"See? A trick."

Suddenly Marge's head turned around twisted, limbs moving around, and she was now climbing on the wall and to the ceiling like a spider.

"Well that's a new one. Good thing I got this from the Kwik-E-Mart." Abe spoke.

He reached into his suitcase and pulled out a can of Holy Spray.

"Yep. Old Holy Spray, clean good old holy water... and with a little chemicals to kill bugs and other pests as well." Abe pointed the can at her.

He sprayed holy water all over the possessed Marge as she felt burning pain across her skin causing her to fall down to the bed as a normal human being but with the words, "OH! This is hurts so bad! Why did my comedic trio end like this?"

"Comedic Trio? Wait a minute..." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Here. Hold this a sec." Abe said giving Reverend Lovejoy the holy spray.

Abe raised his hand and stuffed it into Marge's mouth as she was coughing.

"Let's see here? Lungs.. Stomach.. wait.. Ah-Hah!" Abe said pulling his hand out of Marge's mouth but also along with three spirits through Marge's mouth. "I should've known. It's the three stooges."

"What's the three stooges possessing Homer's wife's body twice?"

"Hey. We came here to teach her a lesson of watching Comedy Central." One of the Three Stooges said as he cracked his ghostly knuckles. "That network ruined our careers you know."

"Yeah, well that's what it does... but you're not going to ruin this woman's life! So you better get out of there now!" Abe said.

"NEVER!" A Second Stooge spoke.

The three spirits of the three stooges forced their way back into Marge's body through her mouth as Abe became angry and frustrated.

"Well... a bunch of crap you are, Abe Simpson." The Possessed Marge spoke.

"Yeah. Well guess what! If I know one thing! It's not to get tricked by the likes of you no matter how angry I get!" Abe yelled.

"Didn't your wife once made out with a lifeguard?" The Possessed Marge mentioned.

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Abe was about to attack Marge with his bare hands in anger until Reverend Lovejoy stopped him by blocking his way.

"Stop. The evil spirit in her soul is trying to trick you. Don't fall for her tricks." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"Oh yeah... I have a real short-temper problem... Still, we must do everything it takes to take out that evil spirits out no matter how much time it takes. Now we get the old bible in our hands." Abe said as he picked up his bible along with Reverend Lovejoy.

"What now?" Reverend Lovejoy asked.

* * *

Seconds later...

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" Abe yelled at Marge as he sprayed a can of Holy Water on her.

"Uh.. yeah what he said. The Power of Christ Compels you!" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" Both of them yelled in the air powerfully and loudly as they gripped there bibles for hope to save the soul.

"STOP! WHY DON'T YOU STOP!" The Possessed Marge screamed as she couldn't take anymore of this.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST... Uh.. When do we stop saying this?" Reverend Lovejoy asked.

Suddenly the pain throughout Marge's possessed body stopped due to Reverend's mistake. Abe looked at him angrily with his mean old eyes for this one mistake.

"Just give me the water gun!" Abe said.

Reverend Lovejoy handed the Rambo-like water gun filled with holy water and sprayed it all over Marge before she could attack and cause more trouble. She felt more pain because of the water and Reverend Lovejoy quickly tied Marge to the bed.

"Wait! I just got an idea!" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"What?"

"This is very daring but it might work!" Reverend Lovejoy said.

Suddenly Reverend Lovejoy grabbed Marge by the arms and said, "YOU WANT ME! NOT THIS POOR SOUL!"

"Than why the heck are you hurting her by a grip on the arm?"

"Saw it in a movie once and... WHAT'S HAPPENING!" Reverend Lovejoy yelled.

Suddenly Marge was cured but there was a bit of surprise.

"Hello you little fishies!" Reverend Lovejoy said in a mean aggressive voice.

"Uh.. Lovejoy... there's a reason why Marge isn't screaming like the woman she is..." Abe said.

"Why's that... Oh what the heck is this!" The Possessed Reverend Lovejoy looked down to see his own body.

Why did he looked at his own body? He looked at it because he saw himself with a woman's steaming hot chest, smooth curves, and big hips... in other words... the possession also got some of Marge's characteristics of a woman...

"Didn't realize that a woman's skin would be this soft and.. is that perfume? Smells good actually... wait a minute! Oh no! I also got the mind of a woman too!" The Possessed Reverend Lovejoy spoke.

"Here! Let me help!" Abe said. "TAKE ME! TAKE ME YOU VILE CREATURE!"

Suddenly out of nowhere, Reverend Lovejoy lost the woman's characteristics and the three stooges soul as it has just been transferred to the elderly man, Abe Simpson. Abe Simpson looked at himself and saw a young smooth woman's shape of a body.

"You know... Marge's chest is actually bigger than it looks... heh, heh..." Abe chuckled. "Still... I say we should save the environment, support orphanages, and... oh my god! I have the mind of a woman and... and.. and why does Marge still looks the same?" Abe said. "Never mind. Just take it back! JUST TAKE IT ALL BACK!"

Suddenly the three stooges were transferred back to Marge's body.

"Something looks different about you Marge."

"What is it?" Marge spoke in her normal voice. "Did my chest just got bigger. If it does, I'm getting reduction surgery..."

"No... Your hair grew 2 inches longer... Hmm... all those characteristics must've took on the form of hair... still! Those three stooges must get out!" Abe said.

"Than you must be eliminated!" The Possessed Marge yelled grabbing the chest of the old man's beating heart.

"No! My heart must've beated faster more unsual because of that ladies chest... since heart attacks do come more often to women for some reason and that... OH NO! I.. I.. uh.." Abe Simpson fell to the ground with no breath at all.

"Heh heh. Huh Hah. HAH HAH!" The Possessed Marge yelled as Reverend Lovejoy ran to Abe.

"You monster!" Reverend Lovejoy said as he stood up. "Take me! You vile monster! TAKE ME YOU FIEND!"

Suddenly Reverend Lovejoy out of nowhere was possessed... he looked at himself and saw curves, a woman's chest, and big hips... but also notice a new difference. He had half of Marge's hair as the no-longer possessed Marge's hair was half size now.

"Eh! You'll pay for watching Comedy Central, Marge!" The Possessed Reverend Lovejoy cracked his knuckles. "No! I won't!"

Suddenly Reverend Lovejoy fought over control of his body... he manage to took control... but to make sure the stooges won't let it control any further... he did the only one thing...

Reverend Lovejoy spotted the window of the second story building and jumped out and fell to the ground severely injured and bleeding as he rolled towards the sidewalk. He couldn't breathe any longer and his last words, "Christ wins, baby. Christ wins..."

"Haw-Haw! You died as a woman." Nelson made fun of the dead man. "Still, I respect you... but still Haw Haw!... but still I give my respect to the dead."

Homer bursted into the door as he became worried.

"What happened here? Marge, Abe, Reverend Lovejoy? Oh my god..." Homer saw the old man, Abe Simpson who just recently had an heart attack, Reverend Lovejoy outside dead near the front lawn, and Marge Simpson scared in the corner. "My god... is it just me or is your hair a little shorter?"

* * *

The Adults and Kids were walking beside a junkyard as Bart said, "That wasn't scary at all!"

"Oh yeah. What do you kids have in mind?"

"What about the story about a Krusty Doll on loose!" Lisa said.

"You already told that last year... wait a minute... I got one..." Homer grinned. "Ever heard the story of Muddy Carrie living with a family by force? It's a sinister tale and all starts with a mirror... just like that broken one over there. Heh heh."

"Where's Milhouse? Really? Where the heck is he?" Bart said.

* * *

"Let the force be with you Luke!" Yoda said.

"I told you! I'm Milhouse! Not Luke! And what are these guys doing here? There from Disney not Star Wars!" Milhouse argued as he saw several Disney Characters at the swamp of Yoda's home.

* * *

"Must be at an important place. Anyway what were you saying again, dad?" Bart asked.

"The story of Muddy Carrie living with a family! YES INDEED! YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW? WOULDN'T YOU!" Homer laughed violently during the storm as all the children swallowed their throats.

* * *

Ay Carumba! It's Muddy Carrie

"Hello there audience. I'm Declan Desmond and we are about to give you an reality documentary of, 'Living With A Witch!'." Declan Desmond spoke in his usual British accent. "There will be some filming around the house like the movie Paranormal Activity, some interviews of how their lives are, and of course we will show how it all started."

Bart and Lisa were at the bathroom finished brushing their teeth as one of them said, "Is that a tiny camera looking at us?"

"Uh... Bart. What are you talking about? That's just some toy that Maggie left here... though, that's awfully big eye for a toy... especially one with lens that are staring at us and..."

"Whatever... hey.. have you ever heard the life of Muddy Carrie?" Bart chuckled with a grin.

"What?" Lisa asked with some interest.

"oh.. never mind. You probably don't want to hear it." Bart said.

"Spill the beans or your tooth brush is going into the toilet!" Lisa spoke, wanting to hear what Bart had to say while she held Bart's toothbrush above the toilet.

"Okay! Okay!... It's just that you know.. the legend of Muddy Carrie... saying it three times at the mirror and all... she comes out and kidnaps little children and throws them into a pot and all... eh, it's just an urban legend though." Bart left the bathroom.

"Urban legend? Oh well..." Lisa was about to leave... but then she saw the mirror in the bathroom... "Hmm... well... I could easily prove my brother wrong about his stupid little urban legend talk."

Lisa went to the mirror of the bathroom and carefully looked at it...

"Hmm... Muddy Carrie... Muddy Carrie... Muddy Carrie... huh, nothing happened." Lisa said, still watching the mirror. "Oh well..."

* * *

Lisa entered the room yawning as she was about to go to sleep.

"Good night Malibu Stacy doll in the Malibu Stacy Playset... good night Snowball sleeping on my bed... good night Muddy Carrie standing next to the lamp..." Lisa said as she crawled into her bed and tucked herself to sleep, until... "Wait a minute... AHH!"

Suddenly the rest of the family altogether came bursting into Lisa's room as Homer yelled, "What is it! Did you found my fighting Rooster farm! I can explain everything honey!... Oh it's just you Carrie."

"What? You know this old hag?" Bart said as he saw an old witch in front of him.

"I don't think it can speak.." Marge said.

"Can't speak? I can speak alright and Homer and I used to date." The Old Witch said.

"Homer? You dated an elderly witch as a teenager? That's so disgusting that I don't want to be angry at you." Marge said.

"Actually I dated her at age... ten... and she didn't looked like a hag back than..." Homer had a fake chuckle.

"What did she looked like that?" Bart asked.

"Oh. I have a picture of myself back then." Muddy Carrie said as she show them the picture.

The picture showed a younger version of Carrie in her thirties looking completely like Samantha the Witch from the popular 1960s TV show, Bewitched.

"Why would a thirty year old pretty woman back than go out with an eight year old instead of a super-hunk?" Marge asked.

"Eh.. we had our reasons..." Carrie said. "Anyway, I'm going to stay here for the night until I finished my task."

"Well... I don't know... I think you should lea..."

"Sure you can Carrie. Your always welcome here." Homer interrupted Marge's answer.

"Thank you... and will someone get the cameraman out of the way!" Carrie yelled.

"Sorry... but this just got more interesting... originally it was about, 'Who is the World's Most Dysfunctional Family!' until you came along... So this just got interesting..." The Cameraman said.

"Err..." Lisa grunted as she was a part of a dysfunctional family.

* * *

"So Lisa. How was your time with Muddy Carrie?" Declan Desmond interviewed the little girl.

"It was horrible! She snores everywhere... almost like my dad! Now I see what there 'reasons' were. They have things in common! Your about to see more if you know what I mean..." Lisa grunted but yawned at the same time.

"What do you mean 'common' with Homer?" Declan asked.

"An example would be eating habits..."

* * *

The cameraman faced his camera at Muddy Carrie who was eating her breakfast of pancakes, sausages, eggs, and ham like a pig...

"Ew.. disgusting... let's uh.. switch to Homer." Declan Desmond ordered the camera man.

The Camera Man switched to Homer who eating like a full grown boar. They were also in disgust as Homer took a huge bottle of beer and started glugging it all.

"MORE!" Homer demanded.

"Sorry... but were out of food..." Marge said.

"Oh that's alright... I can make some." Muddy Carrie pulled out her wand.

Suddenly out of nowhere... huge sizes of steak, hotdog, ice cream, all the food you can imagine began raining from the sky and crashing into the Simpson's house causing holes on the roof, the floor of the attic, the floor of the second floor and towards Homer's plate as it.

"Mmm... magical unexplained happenings of stake..." Homer drooled as he began to tear a chunk of the steak out.

"Oh god no... I'm going to stop watching that Cloudy Meatball movie..." Declan Desmond spoke as he felt like he wanted to throw up.

* * *

"So. Homer and Marge? What was your days with Muddy Carrie like? Horrible is my guess?" He asked as he was interviewing the married couple outside of the house.

"Nope. It's actually fine. Just ask our neighbor Flanders." Homer asked.

Suddenly the camera turned towards Ned who died of a huge German Chocolate Cake crushing him to death.

"Eh... he's probably in a better place now." Homer said.

Suddenly Ned's soul began to lift out of Ned's body and to haven... only one problem... A huge Swedish Vanilla Strawberry Cake fell down from the sky and crushed Ned's soul to the ground.

"Oh.. diddly!.. This hurts more than it appears!" The Crushed Ned Soul spoke being crushed by the huge cake.

"Diddly means he's okay." Homer claimed.

* * *

Homer, Marge, and Muddy Carrie were watching the Isotopes in football on television as they all sat on the couch together.

"Oh! The Isotopes are almost there! He passes the ball. And Touchdown! He SCORES!" Kent Brockman spoke at the Games during live on television.

Suddenly Homer, Marge, and Muddy Carrie began to say, "HURRAY!", "YES!", "GREAT!" as Muddy Carrie send a wave of lightning that broke through the ceiling.

"Uh.. couldn't that hurt anyone?" Marge said.

"Don't worry Marge. It can hurt one person." Muddy Carrie said.

Later, a Nightmare in 20,000...

A Man held a gun and was stuck in the airplane's window, opened, as a gremlin was on the side of the wing.

"I fought in the Twilight Zone many times and your next you little monster!" The Crazy Man said. "Hey? What's that?"

The Crazy Man and Gremlin looked down to see the lightning coming up in the air and aiming at the plane.

"Uh-oh..." The Man spoke his final words.

A minute later... an explosion appeared in 20,000 feet in the air as it did not take out one person like the witch said but rather many persons...

* * *

"So Bart? What's it like with Muddy Carrie? Good? Bad? What?" Declan asked as the two were at the backyard.

"Eh, just average... though I notice she's been at the basement all day and I found Grandpa's old holy water spray down there too. Must've been from the old exorcism before he got a heart attack... Oh well..." Bart said. "So... what's it like living with your mom?"

"Uh.. Uh.. what are you talking about?" Declan Desmond said waving his eyes back and forth.

* * *

Down at the basement, Muddy Carry was stirring a huge wooden spoon in her huge pot of stew as she was reading a book...

"Let's see here... I got eyeballs, beetles, and some worms in the stew... but something's missing... Ah-Hah!" Muddy Carrie found the one ingredient she forgot. "An child! Heh. There's three of them right here and I need only one."

Muddy Carry stepped out of the basement and called out, "Oh Bart... Oh Bart, where are you?"

Suddenly a car came crashing into the walls of the house, Bart as the driver who spoke, "Yes?"

"Too dangerous... uh.. Never mind deary." Muddy Carrie said. "Let's see what helpless baby Maggie is doing.

Muddy Carrie entered the living room and saw Maggie playing with her adorable blocks of A,B,C's.

"Oh Maggie come here and..."

Suddenly Maggie pulled out an switch blade. from under the couch.

"How did Homer raised these kids?..." Muddy Carrie stepped back. "That just leaves one more."

Muddy Carrie entered the TV room where Lisa was watching National Geographic as she saw the Amazon being torn by bulldozers.

"Uh.. Hello dear... you're not... um... dangerous are you?" Muddy Carrie said.

"No? Why would you asked that... did Bart stole one of Moe's grenades again?" Lisa sighed.

"No.. No... can you help me with my cooking dear... in the basement?" She asked.

* * *

Lisa and Muddy Carrie walked down the basement as Lisa asked, "Why would you need to do your cooking in the basement? We have lots of pans and ingredients in the kitchen."

"Uh.. it's my own personal cooking... yes... I'm.. shy about it.. Yes, that will do.. heh..."

"What's with the 'heh heh'?" She asked.

"Uh.. nothing.. Can you take a look in the pot to see if there is uh... any contamination, flies, or dust?" She asked.

"That's a weird way to put it but okay..." Lisa said.

As she took a look at the pot, she said, "There isn't any meat in here... is it?"

"No.. No.. yet.." Muddy Carrie was about to push Lisa into the stew until Snowball from the opened entrance of the basement spotted this.

Snowball leaped from the stairs and jumped onto the witch's face before she could push the girl into the stew. The witch was now being scratched by the cat as she screamed, "GET OFF OF ME! YOU! YOU LITTLE PUNK!" She than backed away a little further to an small furniture with the book of ingredients causing it to fell to the ground as an opened book. Lisa took a look at the book and she said, "What? A kid for an ingredient?"

The witch threw the cat off her face and stood in front of Lisa who had a fake chuckle and fake smile at the same time, hiding her fear of the witch.

"So.. uh... how's the weather... heh?" She gulped.

"You don't have to make this hard..." The Witch said as Lisa stepped back.

Muddy Carrie just walked further and further as Lisa finally stepped back to the dusty shelves... but she also spotted Holy Water Spray on the dusty shelves.

"Grandpa's old Holy Water!" Lisa thought.

"Take this you!" Lisa grabbed the holy water spray and sprayed water all over the witch.

"No! No! NO!" The Witch said as she was melting.

"Huh? I thought it would burn you. Not melt you?" Lisa said.

Suddenly Homer stepped into the basement.

"Oh.. that's not Holy Water Spray. I just took it out and replaced it with Nuclear Acid so... yeah... that explains the melting." Homer said.

"You knew I was here? How come you didn't came here before!" Lisa complained.

"But food falling from the sky!" Homer said.

* * *

"So... how did you felt after you knew that Carrie was going to throw one of your own children in a stew?" Declan asked.

"Horrible! I'm glad she melted away." Marge said.

"Yeah... I'll miss her..." Homer said.

"Dad! She tried to eat me!" Lisa said.

"Hmm... is it just me... or is there something missing?" Homer said.

Suddenly out of nowhere... a giant blue Spix Macaw landed on Homer's head with a mean look...

"I wonder where she is now?" Bart said.

* * *

"Muddy Carrie, Muddy Carrie, Muddy Carrie." A boy said in front of the mirror.

Suddenly Muddy Carrie slowly stepped out of the window but saying, "No! Not again!"

"BANG!" A gunshot was heard as Ralph smiled with a pistol in his hand next to his dad, Clancy Wiggum.

"Who knew that shooting witches would be good practice?" Chief Wiggum said.

"Again! Again!" Ralph smiled.

* * *

"Tomorrows documentary will be The Simpsons living with Chewbacca. Coming soon on DVD." Declan Desmond said.

* * *

Homer, his friends, and the kids were all at The Simpsons house, tired out from the walk they just had.

"Yep. Those are four tales we have..."

"Why do you keep mentioning some blue Macaw Birds?" Lisa asked.

"Eh... I don't know and for you. I will..."

Suddenly Marge entered the house smiling.

"Oh Homer, kids. Guess what I got?" Marge smiled.

"What?" Homer tiredly spoke.

"Two Spix Macaws!" Marge smiled as the two blue birds on Marge's arms looked at Homer with an angry look.

"Oh no! The stories I told have come true! Two Macaws getting ready to attack me in my own house!" Homer stand up in surprise.

"Oh... It isn't just these birds. I found all sorts of critters from the pet shop!" Marge said as more little and familiar animals emerged from Marge's hair.

"Oh no! The Bee from Bee Movie. The Raccoon from Over the Hedge. Puss N' Boots from Shrek! And a lot of you other guys in Marge's hair!" Homer said.

Suddenly a Mammoth bursted into the house's wall with its mighty strength, along with a Saber-toothed Tiger, and a Ground sloth holding a crowbar.

"Why does a Sloth need a crowbar..." Homer became afraid.

A minute later in the night-sky... the screams of a girl... or rather Homer J Simpson appeared as he was being beaten by popular animated animals.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Milhouse enters the Simpsons house in joy.

"I'm finally back from my crazy adventures!.. huh?" Milhouse said until he saw something very strange.

He saw a ground sloth around his animated pals holding a crowbar with a handkerchief around his eyes as he was going to hit the piñata.. AKA Homer Simpson tied to the ceiling.

"Animated Animals from Popular movies? No! No! The guys from the Matrix said it was over! OVER! I can't be in the Network! NOOOOOOOO!" Milhouse screamed as he ran away.


	42. Marriage Upon The Open Road

Hello, this is the first canon story of the fanfiction series and it will have something small but new to it. Some jokes will now be highlighted to give some understanding to it since some people didn't get a few jokes before Season 1B. I got the idea from The Simpsons Comics where they highlight both jokes and important words that have to do with the plot.

* * *

Intro Gag: Jesus is in the sky flying like a super hero as he says, "Peace Y'all"... **IN 3D!**... The band members of KISS wearing 3D glasses and flying in the sky like superheroes saying, "LET DESTRUCTION HAIL EVERYWHERE!"

Billboard Gag: "Join the Salvation Army to help peace everywhere." and shows a smiling woman... **IN 3D!...** "JOIN THE US ARMY! VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY WAY TO ACHIEVE TRUE PEACE! YOU HEAR!" and shows a Soldier wearing sunglasses going insane with an explosion in the background of the billboard.

Chalkboard Gag: "I will not leave a three eyed fish in Skinner's lunchbox. I will not leave a three eyed fish in Skinner's lunchbox." Bart wrote on the chalkboard... **IN 3D!...** "I will not leave a three eyed fish in Skinner's lunchbox. I will not leave a three eyed fish in Skinner's lunchbox." Bart wrote on the chalkboard as he wore 3D glasses... which practically has no difference at all...

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch as everything was normal. Just normal as the dog stared at them with a smile... **IN 3D!**... The dog became a vicious growling monster with rabies and wore 3D glasses as it barked at the family who also wore 3D glasses.

Story 39 Synopsis: Selma is offer another chance of marriage but this time... she doesn't want to be married... at all... meanwhile... Bart hijacks the bus again but this time it's an old high-speed chase between... well... many of Bart's enemies... even one's you may not know well... **IN 3D!...** "Will you just stop it Patrick! The whole 3D thing is not funny anymore." An Employee yelled as he wore **3D!** glasses.

* * *

Marge entered the DMV with Maggie in her hands as she looked like she was in a hurry. Why she was running to the DMV? To meet her two twin sisters of course... but then she saw a huge line of people waiting to get there drivers license.

"Hrmm..." Marge muttered.

She decided to rush through the line to get through her sisters... as she did, she saw only Selma working at the counter and wondered where is Patty.

"Hello Marge. What have you been up to lately? You look like your in a rush." Selma said.

"I need to get to my yoga class but I can't bring Maggie with me, Bart and Lisa are at school, and Homer is working... or at Moe's drinking off like.. he usually does... hrmm..." Marge, a little frustrated about Homer's habit.

"Let me guess. You have no family member to take care of that sweet doll, Maggie and you need us to take care of her?" Selma sighed in boredom.

"Yes, pretty much. Where's Patty anyway?" She asked.

"She's dating one of the employees here... and between you and me... it's a woman... just to remind you about Patties... uh... own strange but natural habit... especially an married employee... and also another thing about that employee... she's not married with a guy..."

"Oh... I get it..." Marge realizing what she meant.

"Yep. A married couple of two woman better watch out if they ever have divorces. Woman are way too emotional, especially two, and this can lead to murder... yep... it's a higher case in married lesbians than that other thing... yuck..." Selma disgusted about the strange behaviors of people today.

"Why are you telling me this anyway? You could've just told me where Patty went and not all that... strange information..."

"Well I.. huh?... I don't know... anyway, I'll take care of Maggie and..."

"I'm back." Patty said.

"Oh.. **uh**.. hello.." Marge **whistled nervously...**

"You told her? Didn't you?" Patty faced towards Selma with her normal uninterested face of expression to everyone.

"Eh... what am I going to tell her if you ever have some **funeral if you were married**? Eh? Eh?" Selma asked.

"Why do you keep saying, 'Eh'."? Marge asked.

"What? You don't know. Springfield has an ancestry of Canadian though Springfieldians say 'Eh' when there disgusted or bored of something... though it also has an ancestry of Africa, Australia, a little bit of Russian... possibly.. uh... Japan or Korea... maybe Brazil..." Selma said.

"Oh... well... I got to get back to yoga before Homer realizes that I have a life. I'm keeping it a secret because he always argues about it which is driving me nutz." Marge spoke as she lifted her hand to her forehead... a sign of a headache at times.

"Oh... well you're lucky I guess..." Selma sighed.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Look at you, Marge. Your married for over ten years... even Patty got's herself a date... while my dates or marriages are broken up due to some men's stupid selfish goals over love..." Selma said.

"That's not true... what about.. uh.. Bob?" Marge suggested as she started to remember a flashback.

* * *

"I'll kill you." Sideshow Bob whispered as he was forced to massage Selma's huge, hairy, smelly feet in disgust.

* * *

"That's a little harsh... Okay... that wasn't good... but there's others who love you for who you are... like uh... Fat Tony? No... That Troy McClure guy?... No... Disco Stu... he was okay but it really didn't count after he cheated on you several times... hmm... there's uh..."

"Oh forget it Marge. I'll never find the perfect man. Plus, I got things and people that I care about in my life. There's Jub-Jub the Iguana, my adoptive Chinese daughter Ling who's birthday is next month, and my best **friend**... Smokes and Cigars." Selma smiled as she took a look at some Cuban Cigars... one of the finest...

"Your **friends... are cigars**?" Marge, worried about Selma.

"Eh, whatever. Cigars are my only friends."

Suddenly a man in a suit ran to Patty and Selma as the line of people were frustrated that the line was stopped by Marge Simpson's little chat. The Man in the suit was the CEO of the DMV and he spoke, "Selma! I need someone to go live on the Saturday Night Live Show! People are saying this little building here is too unsafe due to some ladies smoking. Can you believe that!"

"I know what you mean..." Selma said.

"Huh? Do I smell something burning?" The Owner sniffed as Selma was coughing out smoke. "Oh well... must be nothing."

"Hey. Why do you need me? Why not ask the more professional members of the DMV?" Selma said.

"Oh... they died of the new Krusty Burgers made of cows of Mad Cow Disease, were grounded and beaten up, and turned into fine makeup powder for woman as the victim's organs were donors for orphans. The Woman get what they want and the children will survive! Everyone Wins!"

Suddenly Marge looked at Selman and Patty as if the Owner of the DMV needed to go to the mental hospital.

"What? You think I'm crazy! YOU DO! I better stab you all I say!" The Owner of The DMV pulled out a stabbing knife.

"How did this crazy guy became the CEO?" Marge asked herself.

"By the way. My name is Stabbity Jack Alexson. I better get to my imaginary friend Alex Jackson before he gets angry. Hee Hee..." Jack Alexson said as he went through the door.

Later, Jack Alexson stepped out of the door and went towards the scared people.

"Hey. The name is Alex Jackson. I need one of these two, Selma and Patty to come to the Saturday Night Live! Show to tell how the DMV is safe.

"No! Not with you. And I thought your name was Jack Alexson." Selma said.

"Oh. You must've met my imaginary friend, Alex Jackson. We work on several jobs together. I'm mostly known as Joyful Alex Jackson or Dr. Alex unlike Stabbity Jack Alexson or his other name, Mr. Jack. Oh yeah, there will be a raise if you take the offer." Alex asked.

"Uh-huh... still, no." Selma, not wanting to be with an insane man with two personalities... like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide.

"There will be smokes with the raise..." Dr. Alex said.

"Hello New **Friends**!" Selma smiled as she heard **cigars** that was part of the raise.

* * *

Nelson sat on the sidewalk looking at his reflection of a puddle as he felt sad than angry... as he did wondered about his problem, his friends, but also enemies at the same time, came... there stood Bart, Milhouse, Handy, Bashir, and Ralph.

"What do you guys want?" Nelson said sadly.

"Wondering why you're stuck here and not at the movie theater watching the new X-Men movie." Bart said.

"It's just that.. well.. I think I'm not being my old bully self like last year... ever since people started to befriend me more, I started acting less of a punching machine..." Nelson spoke.

"He used to be a bully last year?" Handy asked.

"Yeah, long story." Bart said. "Anyway, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world... tell you what. We've been planning a classic prank tomorrow. How about you join us?"

"Okay... but why's Ralph here?" Nelson asked.

"My nose is bleeding." Ralph spoke.

"What he meant is that... he stuffed a rat in his nose and to his brain. We have to take him to the hospital."

"My brain feels tingly." Ralph spoke again as the skin of his forhead was squeaking and moving.

"Oh... still wish there was something to make me feel better right now..." Nelson said.

"We could talk about Bart's mother." Bashir suggested.

"Yeah we could... wait? What?" Bart hesitated.

"Remember when we gave Ms. S that really tight sweater?" Handy said.

"Yeah..." Nelson smiled.

"What the?" Bart twitched his eye a little.

"I gave her that jump rope too... for a particular reason too..." Bashir smiled.

"You? Why is all my friends have an interest with my mom?" Bart yelled.

"We don't always have an interest in your mom." Milhouse spoke.

"Yeah. There's also Milhouse's mother when we also gave her a tight sweater and a jump rope." Nelson said.

"WHAT?" Milhouse screamed.

"Hey. She may have a huge nose but she's still one hot mama." Bashir said.

* * *

It was nighttime and Selma sat in the chairs of a studio during the live filming of the show.

"Hello and it's me, Conan O' Brien, of the Late Night Show!" Conan said.

"Late Night Show? My boss said it was the Saturday Night Show." Selma said sitting upon her chair.

"Oh. You must've meant that crazy fella with two personalities... I think he quit being a CEO and became the new President of Disneyland... anyway. Before I introduce to this man right over there."

"I'm a woman." Selma replied.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I'll introduce you folks to Anderson Clutz, the movie actor known for his dramatic expressions and yells or screams. Come here Anderson!" Conan said.

Suddenly the spotlight moved towards a man wearing a red shirt, jeans, with black hair.

"Hello there. I'm Anderson." The Man spoke with an voice made for Opera and Dramatic TV shows.

The audience began to clap as Anderson took his seat next to Selma's.

"So. What do you have to talk about?" Conan asked.

"Well. The DMV is actually pretty safe and we've had a high value of..."

"Not you Mister! I was referring to the actor!" Conan said angrily.

"Sorry. I just thought... oh never mind." Selma sighed.

"Never mind? Eh, you're the ugliest man I have ever seen." Conan said.

"She's clearly a woman, you know." Anderson said.

"Who's clearly a woman? All I see are two guys here. One that's famous and one that's suppose to explain that DMV's are safe that no one gets a crap about."

Suddenly Selma started to feel some anger to the celebrity host of the show as Conan looked at her saying, "What? You're going to punch me in the face? A man like you couldn't beat me in any possible..."

Selma threw a punch at Conan's face knocking him to the ground, than she cracked her knuckles.

"I happen to be a woman named Selma!" Selma Bouvier stood in front of the man laying on the ground as Anderson looked at her.

"Eh... at least it's better than The Sampson show I wrote on..." Conan spoke as he was about to fell unconscious.

Anderson stood up from his chair and spoke, "Selma Bouvier is it? I've never seen a woman punched a man that.. how do I put it.. overpowering.. almost like a man."

"Eh, I've practiced on boxing matches and punching my baby sister's **husband's stomach** also known as Homer."

"So you use to be a boxer?"

"Yeah... until I started smoking on pot... realizing it was way too much for me that it lead to the end of that career."

"Interesting... I love boxing... say, how about we have dinner... maybe I can offer you a job..."

"Job? What kind?" Selma sighed.

"We'll see when we meet at Luigi's. Say, Nine is okay?"

"Yeah.. sure.." Selma said. Suddenly she coughed loudly and strongly due to years of smoking.

* * *

It was morning and Bart and Lisa stood on top of the sidewalk near their house, waiting for the school bus.

"So sleepy..." Lisa yawned.

"What's with you?" Bart asked.

"Eh, I just had the most fun sleepover yesterday in the middle of a school night!... Sherry and Terry sure can tempt someone with Malibu Stacy dolls... Anyway, what's with your sinister grin?" Lisa yawned.

"You'll see Lisa. You'll see Lisa." Bart grinned.

"Uh-huh... good thing there's no test today... I could probably fail it within a second of no sleep and..."

"Bus is here! Quick! Let's get on, fast!" Bart spoke as the bus appeared and stopped near them.

The bus doors opened and Lisa wondered, "Why would Bart want to go school this much? Has he actually changed for once?... Nah. He'll always be his self..."

"Come on Lisa! Get on the bus." Bart said.

"Okay, okay." She yawned as her eyes kept on blinking to a point of rest and sleep.

The siblings took a step onto the bus as they saw Otto smiling at them from the driver's seat.

"What's up little dude and little she-dude." Otto said.

"Oh nothing..." Bart chuckled.

Lisa took a look at her fellow students and saw some of them chuckling as well... most of whom are Bart's friends... even Martin and Ralph were chuckling...

"Hrmm..." Lisa muttered.

"Hey Lisa. What's with copying mom?" Bart said.

"What?"

"Mom happens to say, 'Hrmm' too you know every time she worries or is in stress... you're not on stress are you?" Bart asked.

"I'm always on stress but I'm sleepy and I find some of our fellow classmates strange and sinister..." Lisa said.

"I see... well, let's just take a seat together. Shall we?"

"Now Bart actually wants to sit with me? A Sibling, Brainiac, and a Girl at the same time? Something is up here..." Lisa thought as she sees Bart sitting on a seat of the bus.

"Hey little she-dude. Sit now before I start the bus. Don't want to be sued again." Otto spoke.

"Okay, fine... Sheesh..."

Lisa looked around and saw no other seat unoccupied but Bart's. She wondered what Bart was up to... in fact, what his friends were up to... still, she had no choice but to sit with Bart. She took a step on the floor of the bus as some of the children were looking at her... mostly Bart's friends fearing that she may have figured out there little prank... but she hasn't at all... Finally, she was near Bart's seat and took a sit on the seat.

"What are you up to Bart?" Lisa yawned again.

"What? Oh me? Nothing. You know, a smart girl like you needs some sleep... how about you take a little nap here as the bus goes by... you'll have enough sleep since Otto has **lost his sense of direction** ever since people invented Metal Rock." Bart responded.

"Well... okay..." Lisa spoke.

The nine-year old girl yawned once more and finally shut her eyes closed... dreaming more than just knowledge but ponies and rainbows across a big magical valley... but before she could continue this dream... she decided to open her eyes again seeing Otto tied up with tape on his mouth by the children. She closed her eyes again to see fairies all around her, but then opened her eyes yawning and seeing Bart driving the school bus. She than once again closed her eyes again, ignoring what she saw, and took a sleep under the morning.

As Lisa was sleeping, Bart who took control of the bus was asked by some of his friends of certain questions.

"Where to, Bart?" Milhouse asked.

"Where to? You will address me as Captain Bart and you are my crew. The road is our trip yer sea dogs. We will go to vast iron roads to a..."

"Where did you put Otto anyway?" Martin asked.

"In the Storage compartment. You know, the outside of the side of the bus."

"We have an storage compartment?"

"Yep and..."

Suddenly they heard an honking noise.

The children looked through the glassed windows and saw Skinner in his car chasing them.

"Argh. It's a Principle Dirtwad in his crappy-made vehicle made of old World War II Japanese Kamikaze Planes. Argh." Bart said.

"What do we do Bart? I mean Captain Bart." Louis asked.

"Well... we could use that real-life cannon at the back of the bus and dress up as pirates. What was that for anyway?" Bart asked.

"For some play. It was cheaper to get the real thing than the props." Sherry said.

* * *

As Skinner was chasing the car he spoke, "Bart Simpson you! Taking a hold of the bus and now... Mother Of Pearl!" A frightened Skinner yelled.

"What is it Seymour!" Skinner's Mother woke up from her sleep at the back of the car.

"The children have a cannon in the bus and it's aiming straight at us through the windows... good thing there's no ammo for that... heh heh... wait? What are they doing with their homework and pencils?" Skinner spoke as he saw the children stuffing the cannon with journals, laptops, pencils, and even Martin's pet Rabbit.

"Argh, eh Mateys! Fire!" Bart ordered.

The cannon released a huge ball of homework with a rabbit's ear sticking out as it was hard enough to strike Skinner's old Kamikaze made car. As the huge ball made contact with the car... papers suddenly exploded all over Skinner's front window. He couldn't see a thing and this lead to only one thing and one thing only. Skinner crashed into a tree as his car was on fire.

Skinner stepped out of his crashed car and said, "Oh... you've gone too far Simpson."

"Seymour! Get me out of here! The gas is about to make contact with the fire!" Skinner's Mother yelled.

"Eh... coming mother." Skinner sighed.

"My Grandmother can come faster than you, Seymour." Agnes Skinner spoke angrily as she was stuck in the car.

* * *

At Luigi's Italian Restaurant, Selma was eating her Spaghetti as Anderson ate his Lasagna.

"So, what do you think of this place?" Anderson asked.

"Okay I guess." She responded back with an dull voice and mind. "So what's the job? A Maiden? A Makeup Artist? What is it?"

"Well, I will not tell you what it is but... of all the woman I met, the long haired, the big hipped, the longest curved, the most beautiful of all beautiful faces... your somehow different..." He said.

"Uh-huh? Different like what? Like I get into bar fights, mob fights, and start riots at **Canadian Hockey Games**... excuse me for a second."

Selma let out a big "BUUUURRRPPP!" and suddenly everyone who heard it became disgusted of her habit... everyone but Anderson who took a liking to her strange habit of hers.

"Anyway what's the job offer?" Selma said, bored of this dinner and started to wonder how she could ever take part in a fancy place anyway.

"Selma... to tell you the truth... there was no job offering... In fact... I think I'm finding myself being attracted to you. I don't know why... but I am!" Anderson stood up from his chair and landed his fists upon the table.

"Okay... what's the catch? Are you trying to use me for your own acting career? Because I won't fall for that again. Or is it money?" She asked, not thinking that Anderson's words were true.

"Selma, my dear. What I say are words that mean no lies at all! I want you to meet me again tomorrow."

"Well... okay. I guess." Selma said.

"Thank you. You won't regret it." Anderson spoke, than he left the dinner table and towards the exit as Selma watched.

"Heh heh... finally some payback on a selfish actor..." Selma grinned.

* * *

It was morning and the children were sleeping in the bus as it drove continuously.

"Bart! Bart! Wake up!" Lisa shoved Bart' shoulder continuously.

"Mommy is that you... Lisa! What are you doing?" Bart woke up from his dream.

"There's no Driver!" A worried Lisa spoke.

"We have autopilot, No worries."

"Autopilot? When did this vehicle got autopilot?"

Later above the bus and in the skies... there was an airplane flying out of control as one of the pilots said, "Where the hell is the autopilot!"... a second later... "BAM!" the plane crashed into a huge mountain.

Meanwhile at the bus, Bart drove the vehicle on a road trip as all the children began to woke up, yawn, and stretch.

"Where are we?" Martin woke up.

"Were passing right by the hugest mountain in Springfield. The Murder Horn." Bart said as all the children looked through the windows to see the mountain stood over the clouds as well. "You know, my dad once climbed that thing and found a dead body."

Many Minutes later, the kids were relaxing on the bus, chatting, resting, even humming some songs until suddenly something tackled the bus. All the kids hurriedly ran to the window at the end of the bus and saw angry teachers and the Groundskeeper in their cars tackling the vehicle.

"Oh why god? Why now?" Bart sighed to see teachers chasing them.

Lisa just stood there watching as the teachers ram their cars towards the bus and spoke, "Well. Let's just give up and go back to school."

"Not so fast. Were getting out of here." Bart said as he dashed to the drivers seat and drove the bus to its fullest...

As the teachers were chasing the bus on the roads near the Murder Horn... two groups of people, bikers and Australians, watched this angrily from a bar.

"Isn't that the Bart Simpson kid who made fun of Australia?" One of the Australians said.

"He also made fun of our noisy motors and called us yesterday news!" One of the Bikers spoke.

"LET'S GET HIM!" Both the groups said as the Bikers got on their motorcycles and the Australians got on their Green-Colored Jeeps.

Suddenly the Bus was now chased by Teachers, Bikers, and Australians... all who are Bart's Enemies...

* * *

Meanwhile at the kitchen of The Simpsons House...

"Were so glad that your dating an actor... again... Isn't that right Patty?" Marge blinked one of her eyes to Patty with worry.

"Marge. You don't have to pretend to be happy for me... because I don't love this man. In fact, I'm just using him to buy me gifts and then it's payback time after all the men I dated and married." Selma said.

"That's Selma alright." Patty smiled.

"So he's just like the rest of your ex-lovers?" Marge pointed out.

"Yep. The man doesn't love me at all. He's just coming up with some money scheme or getting attention from the public. He does not love me at all." Selma made it clear to everyone.

Instantly, Anderson bursted thought the wall creating a huge hole due to his muscular strength. He took another step out of the hole and said, "Selma, dear! I can't stop thinking about you!... well technically I have a sleeping disorder... but if I did! I wouldn't stop thinking about you because I **love** you so Selma..."

The man laid his left knee to the floor and pulled out a small box from his pocket, opened it, revealing a real diamond ring...

"Selma. Will you marry me?"

"Oh Andy! I will!" Selma smiled in joy.

"Well... I'm going to tell Homer the big news." Marge sighed in disappointment.

* * *

Marge entered the TV room where he saw Homer laying his fat butt on the couch and eating a whole pack of Doritos as he was watching the news.

"Homer, guess what!" Marge spoke.

"Not now! Some **stupid boy** hijacked a **bus** and is now being chased by Teachers, Australians, Bikers, Police Department, Fire Department, and the News itself. Whoever that **kids parents** are... they sure are **idiots**. Maybe the **whole family is filled with idiots**." Homer laughed... not realizing that the "stupid boy" is actually his own son...

* * *

Bart Simpson was in a heap of trouble hijacking a single bus leading to a big conflict...

"Oh.. how could this get worst?" Bart said to himself as the bus and the rest of the vehicles were now on the open desert.

Suddenly out of nowhere an artillery attack landed and almost hit the bus.

"What the?" Bart looked through the window to see tanks, jets, jeeps, and helicopters all from the military.

"That was a warning shot! Surrender now and release the children hostages or face certain doom you terrorist scum!" A Military General yelled at them.

"Terrorist? They think there terrorists on this bus... oh... why, why why! Did I had to do this prank!" Bart banged his head on the driver's wheel.

Suddenly children heard the sound of an ice-cream truck chasing them on the desert.

* * *

Selma was in the The Simpsons living room sorting out letters from her family relatives due to the wedding that will happen soon. As she did, Marge, Homer and Patty came in.

"Uh.. Selma.. we kind of thought through about how you suddenly looked happy to marry a man again... but... we think you should meet some..."

"Marge. I don't love the man. I was just pretending to be happy... and this is perfect!" Selma grinned.

"Oh.. then I should do something first." Patty stepped out of the living room and into the dining room.

"Okay guys, you can leave... through the back door!" Patty yelled at Sideshow Bob, Hans Moleman, Fat Tony, Troy McClure, Abe Simpson and Disco Stu... all who are once Selma's boyfriend.

Patty stepped into the living room again as Selma grinned.

"Did I miss anything?" Patty asked.

"No. She's to tell us why the **Beast** would want to marry the **Beauty**.. heh heh..." Homer chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah. In a short life of marriage with this guy... I'm going to divorce and get half of his stuff and his money... and his dog too... and it will ruin his life forever."

"That's definitely the **true depiction of married life** alright." Homer spoke.

"Uh... Selma.. that seems a little cruel... in fact? Are you even sure that this guy wants to dump you soon?" Marge asked.

"I'm very sure. My instincts tell me." Selma said.

Suddenly Anderson bursted through the wall again... causing an angry Homer to say, "We have an entrance you know!"

"You mean the one right there?" Anderson pointed at another hole of a wall in the living room.

"When was that there?" Homer asked angrily.

"That was there a few hours ago. Forgot my wallet... but anyway, that's not the reason why I came here." Anderson said. "Come, Selma. Let us go upon my big boat. Not as big as the Titanic but bigger than the Allure of Seas."

"Actually the Allure of Seas is now bigger than the Titanic." Marge pointed it out.

"Whatever. Still. Join me on our boat ride as we will watch the sunset together."

"Okay." Selma answered with a devious grin on her face.

"Your evil face expression enlightens me so much." Anderson spoke as the two walked out of the living room together.

* * *

A huge boat floated along the sea as the sun was setting...

"Isn't the sunset beautiful?" Anderson said.

"Yeah.. I guess it's alright." Selma spoke with her usual uninteresting face of expression.

"Yes.. I know what you mean.. though I would trade the beauty of the sunset all for a single woman. A woman that's next to me..." Anderson spoke as he held Selma's hand.

"Uh-huh."

"I would even trade my great acting career of films, TV, and one time a radio play for this woman I see upon my eyes." Anderson held Selma's hands.

"Wait? You would actually give up your entire career just for me? When I auditioned for Beauty and the Beast, people thought I was auditioning for the beast and laughed at me... why would you want to give up your whole career for me?" Selma asked.

"Why you ask? Because I love you."

"You.. really... do?"

"Yes, of course. Even more stronger than the firing hooves of unicorns beating on the likes of a race track." Anderson held Selma's hands even tighter... "I'll travel through the center of the universe if I have to win every inch of your soul... starting with Paris, France if you want?"

"Oh.." Selma suddenly felt... different...

* * *

At the Simpsons house... a loud voice was heard saying, "YOU WHAT?"

"I said I can't get though with this divorce." Selma gripped her cup of coffee in the kitchen at the table as Homer, Marge, and Patty stood beside her.

"So you are going to marry her?" Marge asked.

"I don't know... He really does love me... but I don't love him at all... I don't want to hurt his feelings."

"Hurts his feelings? But you hurt so many people's feelings with your constant nagging and muscle. Why this single man?" Marge said.

"Yeah. You're like an entirely new Selma or something." Patty said.

"I'm still the same Selma... I just can't go through this marriage either..."

"Hmm... you don't want to go through with this marriage of someone you don't love but you don't want to go through this divorce because it will hurt this man's feelings? Hmm... I think I have an idea." Homer chuckled with his own little grin. "We could... fake Selma's death."

"Fake Selma's death in the middle of a wedding." Marge said angrily. "That is the most stupid thing I ever heard."

"That's the most greatest thing I ever hear from you Homer." Selma stood up in surprise. "Let's do this!"

"Hrmm..." A worried Marge, not sure about this...

* * *

"Day Four of World's Biggest High Speed Chase all due to one Single Hijacked Bus and a boy who has not been clearly identified at the moment. Though, it is thought that Otto is working with Chinese Terrorists and is disguised as a bus driver but than when his true identity was found out... he kidnapped the children as hostages." Kent Brockman spoke TV LIVE at the camera as he and Artie Pie were in a helicopter together viewing the chase.

Meanwhile in the School Bus...

"Man, why did this had to happen." Bart was relaxing his feet as the bus was on autopilot...

"Uh.. Bart.." Lisa said.

"Not now Lisa. I hope they don't find out who caused all this.."

"Bart!" Lisa shoved Bart right on the shoulder.

"What?" Bart yelled.

"SPRINGFIELD GORGE IS AHEAD!" Lisa screamed.

"Don't worry. Will just stop the bus before we ever hit that thing." Bart said.

"Uh... that's going to be a problem.." Handy said.

"What?"

"The bus is stuck on Autopilot! You can't stop it!" Handy shouted!

Suddenly every child in the bus began to panic and scream until Bashir yelled, "HEY! CALM DOWN!" Every child on the bus stopped, stand, and listen to what Bashir have to say.

"Wait? Did I say calm down?... I originally meant to panic and scream. That's what we all pretty much did when the Taliban took over once... so yeah.. act like Cowards and be afraid!" Bashir said.

"Oh man. I'm way too young to die!" Milhouse said.

"This looks like the end old buddy... huh?" Bart patted Milhouse's shoulder until he heard a fluttering sound.

"Where's that coming from?" Lisa asked as the bus started to slow down to a complete stop.

"Gas must be out." Bart looked out the window to see the bus at the edge of the cliff of Springfield Gorge. "At least were all safe..."

Out of nowhere, the teacher's cars, biker's motorcycles, Australian Jeeps, Military Vehicles, and the Ice Cream truck all ran together as an unstoppable force and rammed into the bus causing not only the school bus itself to fall into the Gorge but all the vehicles as well...

"Well there you have it folks." Kent Brockman spoke in the helicopter.

"Uh.. Kent.. We're running out of fuel." Arnie Pie spoke worriedly.

A second later, the helicopter began to fall into Springfield Gorge as well... what happened at the bottom of Springfield Gorge?

"Oh.. that was some landing..." Bart crawled out of the windows of a destroyed bus.

Bart looked around and saw Children, Bikers, Teachers, Australians, everyone crawling out of there destroyed vehicles.

"What the heck is that?" An Australian spotted a huge abandoned Nuclear Missile Base at the bottom of the gorge.

Suddenly an hobo scientist stepped out and said, "Get off of my classified land you kids!"

"Hi Ben!" Bart said.

"Oh, Hi Bart." Ben the Scientist said.

* * *

Selma was in her wedding dress as Homer was dressed up as Ghost face, Marge dressed up as a Ninja, and Patty with an brown goatee on her chin. They stood at the park where the wedding ceremony was held.

"So why are we dressed up like this?" Marge asked as she held the script of the plan.

"It wasn't me who thought of this plan. It was Homer's." Selma said.

"Eh, it's the best one I got at least." said Homer.

"Anyway, I have to go. Remember the plan. Okay?" Selma said.

"Sure. Sure. We won't forget." Homer said.

* * *

At the wedding ceremony, Selma stood beside Anderson in front of Reverend Lovejoy who held a bible as the guests and relatives watched the wedding ceremony.

"Now, before we get to bible part of marriage. Selma would like to tell her wedding vows to his soon-to-be husband. So let's all just pretend that were interested in this." Reverend said.

"My dearest Anderson. I always wanted to... oh god no!" Selma spoke as she fell to the ground pretending to be weak and sick, everyone was shocked to see this...

"Oh no. Is there a doctor in the..."

"I came here as fast I can!" Dr. Nick interrupted Anderson appearing out of nowhere.

"What's the case Doc? Is she alright?" He spoke as the Doctor looked for her pulse.

"Hmm... It seems she has Ohio Grill Disease." Dr. Nick said.

"Oh dear lord. The same disease in the Itchy and Scratchy Cartoons... there usually fatal... but a rumor disease as well."

"Well. She's dead. Goodbye Everybody!" Dr. Nick said.

"Goodbye Dr. Nick." Everyone smiled at him at the shocking event.

"**WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY!**" Anderson shouted in the air dramatically like the opera TV star he is.

"Man, he's good at acting." One of the relatives of the Bouvier family spoke.

Suddenly Selma stood up weakly and said, "Your love for me revived my life."

"Thank God!"

"You there!" Marge yelled, disguised as a Ninja.

"What a strange and very stupid M. Night Shyamalan plot twist..." Anderson spoke not realizing the ninja is Marge.

"You betrayed me at the Ohio.. wait? Barbeque?" Marge spoke as she took a look at the script, Homer made. "Throw ninja star. Don't hit Selma, optional... You know what! I'm just leaving. This script is horrible."

"Looks like it's Plan B." Homer said in his Ghostface outfit.

Suddenly Homer appeared and yelled out, "It's a me! Ghostface!"

"This is got to be the worst plot twist I ever seen..." Anderson thought as he saw a fat version of Ghostface holding a knife.

"Take this you!" He threw a whirling knife at Selma, only to hit a wooden pole as Selma spotted at it.

"Uh.. um.. Oh my god! It hurts!" Selma yelled as she pulled the knife out and put it under her arm... almost looking like she was stabbed by it.

Selma dropped to the floor as Anderson held her by his arms.

"Oh Andy. I'll never.. forget you.."

"I won't forget you either..."

"Oh. Okay than. EH ECK CLEH!" Selma made several noises to look like she was dying.

"She's dead. I'm a doctor." Dr. Nick grunted as he was chowing down the wedding cake.

Anderson stood up from the ground and said, "She was the greatest woman I have ever seen in my entire life. She will always live on with us forever as we could remember a bright blue star above... I will dedicate a small TV series to her based on these tragic events."

As Anderson kept on talking about Selma, Patty grunted.

"I have no idea why Homer put this goatee on me when I did nothing." Patty said.

"That goatee is glued on your chin and it's payback for dumping a bucket of dog doo and worms on my face last week." Homer said.

"Tushe..." Patty responded.

* * *

Homer, Marge, Patty and Selma were all having a drink as they were watching a TV miniseries starring Anderson in the TV room.

"Well. I'm glad that's over with." Selma spoke with his usual uninteresting expression on her face.

"Yep. Still, where's Bart?" Marge asked.

"Down here..." A voice was heard at the bottom.

Homer and Marge looked down to see Bart and Lisa in dirty clothing, messy hair, and tired.

"What happened with you?"

"The CIA interrogated us thinking that the bus has Weapons of Mass Destruction and they arrested Otto and sent him to the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp because they thought he was a Chinese Terrorist. Is the US government that stupid?" Lisa said.

"Well. You are in **America**." Homer said as he aimed his beer to his nose instead of mouth.

"I'm going to bed." Bart said.

"Yeah, me too..."

The adults watched at the two kids walked off to bed after a certain event.

"I'm going to Moe's." Homer said as he left the TV room and headed to one of his favorite hangout places.

"Well... Looks like it's just us girls, right?" Marge smiled. "Let's head out to the salon, the mall, or we can check out where Bart works at. I think it was a music store..."

"Sure thing Marge... but let me just get ready for something." Selma said.

"Eh, sure. If that's what you need." Patty spoke as she and Marge left.

Selma took a look at the TV seeing Anderson starring the TV miniseries called, "Love at a Tragic End"..

As she watched the program, she saw Anderson holding an actress playing a dying Selma in the middle of a wedding.

"I won't forget you... my love..." Anderson spoke softly to the dying Selma.

Selma looked at the program with a sad frown on her face as she held her hands together.

"I won't forget you either, my love." Selma reached out her hand to the TV screen, with a little tear in her eye...

* * *

(Extra Scene... in **3D!**... nah... Just joking with you)

Marge, Patty, and Selma were at the music store, "The Feel" where Bart worked at as they saw the shop neat, clean, and organized with teenagers or kids trying out music on headsets, looking at the back of the Music CD case, and chatting about what they like and what they don't like. Marge, Patty, and Selma went to the counter of the store seeing Ian at work.

"Excuse me..." Marge said.

"Why hello there. You searching for some good songs? We got them all here in this.. uh.. what am I in charge of?" Ian the Hippie Freak said.

"Uh.. are you on weed or something... never mind. I was just checking out where my son works at but I guess I can look for some music. Do you got anything... peaceful? Like uh... Christianity or something?" Marge said.

"Christianity?.. uh.. well, I got a song made by **Judas Priest**." Ian said.

"Oh.. is it good?" Marge asked.

"Well.. I can tell you that I listen to it on every **Sunday**."

"Oh.. okay than..." Marge purchased the CD disc.

* * *

Marge was relaxing in a warm bubble bath surrounded by candles and said, "Well.. time to try out this Judas Priest Music."

Seconds later... Suddenly everyone around the Simpsons House started hearing loud crazy music of cursing, screaming, and... well... Metal Rock...


	43. There's Help For Everyone

Opening Scene Gag: Dan Clowes, Art Spiegelman (wearing a Maus Mouse Mask), and Alan Moore fly in the skies as superheroes. (If you don't know, they made an appearance in "Husband and Knives")

Billboard Gag: "Krusty The Klown Is Always On The Air!" shows Krusty the Klown tired as an oldman, not enough sleep and holding a cigar in his mouth as he's coughing.

Chalkboard Gag: "I will not send Catholic Pope Prank Phone Calls, I will not send Catholic Pope Prank Phone Calls."

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch as the room starts to get shrink and shrink at a point that it crushes or squishes the family members into a cube.

**40th **Story Synopsis: Bart and Lisa help Ian overcome his problem to become a better person but Lisa however starts to question the existence of God after some bad luck.

* * *

Krusty The Clown felt angry as he walked on the sidewalks of Springfield with Mr. Teeny the Chimpanzee.

"Man, what's with people thinking that **Jews** are all looking like this boy on this picture I have here! This is a **stereotype**!" Krusty spoke as he held a **picture of Milhouse, a weak and smart nerd**... who's not even Jewish. "This is an outrage and.. I need some music to calm me down..."

Mr. Teeny looked around and spotted the music shop, "The Feel" in front of them. Suddenly Mr. Teeny began to yell out, "OOH! AH! AH! OOH! AH!" as pointed out at the store.

"What is it Mr. Teeny? A dog's on loose? Fire's starting? Robbery? Your giving birth? What!" Krusty wanted to know what he was saying.

He then looked where he was pointing at and spotted the Music Shop in front of him.

"Oh." Krusty realized what he meant

* * *

Krusty entered the store seeing business is slow as there was not that many people hanging out in the morning. Most of the few were kids though. He went to the counter of the store and spotted Bart reading Mad Magazine.

"Hey. What kind of music do you got here?" Krusty asked.

Bart looked away from the magazine and was surprised to see Krusty at the place he worked at.

"Oh my god. It's you, Krusty!" Bart smiled.

"Uh.. who are you again?"

"I'm the one saved you from prison, reunited with your father, and convinced you to go back to TV business." Bart answered.

"Doesn't ring a bell." Krusty replied.

"Excuse me. Who are you?" Ian, the hippie freak and the owner of the shop, came to the counter after seeing a talk between Krusty and Bart.

He came with his usual blue vest, green shirt, dirty jeans, long brown hair and wrinkly skin due to the hippies nature of smoking...

"I'm Krusty the Clown. What's it to you?"

"I'm Bart's friend and were little super buddies." Ian spoke, embarrassing Bart as he became worried about Ian's behavior. "So. Who are you?"

"I just told my name you stupid hippie. I'm Krusty the Clown."

"Oh.. wise guy, eh?" The man pulled up his sleeves almost to his blue vest.

"Oh man... not now..." Bart thinking it's going to end badly.

"I thought you hippies are peaceful types?"

"Not me. I used to work in the.. uh.. who are you again? Oh yeah. Your Rusty the Clown and I was going to punch you for.. uh..?" Ian asked.

"Okay. Who the heck are you?" Krusty said, frustrated with the stalling of time.

"**I wish I knew**..." Ian replied sadly.

Suddenly everyone in the shop began to chuckle at Ian's strange behavior and left saying, "What a loser", "Who the heck is that guy?", "This is why hippies aren't great"... but what ticked Bart the most was, "Hate to be his friend".

"The kids are right. You are a sore loser." Krusty said. "I'm outta here."

Bart watched embarrassingly and unfortunately as Krusty left the shop wondering how he befriended the fool and...

"**I'm hearing voices in my head again**." Ian responded to the narrator's actions.

* * *

Ned Flanders was happy and cheery like pretty much every day as he was hosing his front lawn... until Lisa walked up on the sidewalk with messy hair, dirty clothes, torn up back pack, and a black eye.

"Hello Lisa. What's with the injuries and all?" Ned asked.

"A bunch of bullies again. They do it every day!" Lisa responded angrily. "Look what they did to my Malibu Stacy doll!"

Ned looked at the doll seeing it broken into pieces with bite marks on it.

"Well.. you can still believe in the Lord, that days will become just fine sooner or later." Ned smiled.

"My days never get fine... why are you always happy when my dad bothers you all the time? Don't you feel angry?"

"Nope. As long as the lord is with us, nothing can possibly go wrong."

"The Lord? huh... Does God help me with anything? Does he!" Lisa asked Flanders... a little more frustrated to see Flanders calm today.

"Of course he does. You got A's on your school work."

"That's because I study hard! I really didn't see anything that's religious and helps me at the same time you know!" Lisa spoke.

"Lisa.. you seemed to be angry about the bully problems but don't blame it on God. Okay?" Ned spoke.

"Well.. I guess so.. maybe my **luck** might turn around too. Well bye." Lisa walked away.

As Lisa was walking on the sidewalk to home, a **crashed helicopter** almost hit Lisa as Ned watched but Lisa didn't seem to notice it and continued to go straight towards her house. Later, several more machines try to crash from the sky towards Lisa such as a Jet, ISS again, and a UFO... but it missed Lisa and she still didn't seem to notice this and **only** Flanders was shocked to see this. Ned cleaned his glasses with a tissue to make sure he was seeing right as well...

* * *

It was dinner time and everyone was cheery today at the table but Bart and Lisa.

"Man, why does Ian have to act like a jerk." Bart poked his chicken on his dinner plate.

"Bart. He's not a jerk he's just.. well.. I don't really know what his problem is." Marge spoke.

"Yeah, well I just got bullied again today and at the back yard the dog bit me!" Lisa complained. "Sometimes I wonder if there really is a god."

"Lisa. You should never think about that question! It could lead to misery and pain for the rest of your life if you believe that there is no such thing as god!" Marge spoke.

"I never said that I didn't believe in God. I was just wondering if he's there or not... plus I'm always receiving misery and pain."

"Well then. You must not be **praying** hard enough... you should be more like that annoying Flanders.. you know... the **jerk** that always prays. Who does he **think** he is praying to God like that? Why I ought to give him a **knuckle sandwich for praying! **Hey? What's wrong with you boy?"

"I just told you about Ian's problem." Bart answered.

"Oh yeah. Why not quit that job and get a new one?"

"Where am I going to find a job **where it's no work and full pay**?"

"Hey Bart. Maybe I can help you find out what Ian's problem is." Lisa said.

"You? Why would I need your help?"

"Well... I'm smarter than you, more talented than you, and unlike you, I can speak in clear sentences?"

**"You Smart than Bart?"** Bart spoke in a dumb manner.

Suddenly everyone laughed including Bart himself after the **joke** Bart said.

"**Why people laugh at Bart?**" Bart spoke in a dumb manner. "**Me need soda."**

* * *

Bart and Lisa stood before the apartment complex that Ian lived in. It was huge and a place of luxury called Springfield's **21st Century Rocks**...

Bart and Lisa were inside the luxury apartment as they were looking for Ian's home but also wondered how a hippie could afford such a place.

"Hmm... 931.. where's 931..." Lisa searched the door's numbers. "Ah-ha!"

The children found the door and took a knock on it with their hands. The door was opened revealing Ian holding the knob on the other side.

"Hello little dudes. What are you up to here?" Ian asked.

"How did you afford this place?"

"I get into many accidents that I don't even want to be in." Ian smiled. "You want to see the scar I got from the bowling center?"

"Uh.. no.." They both answered.

* * *

Bart and Lisa searched through the rooms of Ian's apartment as the man watched. So far, they haven't found anything that causes Ian's problems and Ian didn't know what they were here for.

"Hmm.. well I can't say what's his problem for sure..." Lisa said.

"Problem?" Ian spoke.

"Were trying to find out what your problem is with your life, man, I'm hungry." Bart replied.

"Oh, why not go to Baskin Robin's for a stop, eh?" Ian asked.

"Sure!" Both of the kids smiled.

"Let me just get my wallet. I think it's in my bedroom."

"Bedroom? We haven't searched there..." Lisa replied to Bart.

As Ian opened the door to his bedroom and got his wallet, Bart and Lisa looked inside and saw what Ian's problem was... weed, cocaine, drugs, marijuana... the kids saw thousands of it in his bed room...

"Oh my god... your problem is bigger than I thought." Lisa said.

"Yeah... I think I had this problem since the Pacific Gulf War..." Ian spoke having not one clue.

"Pacific Gulf War?" A confused Bart spoke.

"Yeah, before all this happened. I became a soldier, than a police officer, and now a hippie. Yep. I remember it all **since you asked what my problem was**."

* * *

Bart, Lisa, and Ian stepped out of the apartment and into the hallways of the building.

"Ian, were going to help you no matter what it takes." said Lisa.

"What was that? I can't hear a thing you said?" Ian dug his ear with his dirty finger.

"Ew.." Bart stepped back for a second.

Suddenly a man angrily opened his door and spoke, "Will you quiet down there! Me and Alex are having a party with my associates!"

The man angrily slammed the door as he went back to his apartment and then Bart mentioned, "Isn't that the Alex/Jack guy who has multiple-personality disorder?"

"Yeah. Isn't he the chief of the Fire Department now?" Lisa replied.

"Nah. I think he's a successful cartoonist now."

"By the way... what kind of help am I getting?" Ian asked.

* * *

Several weeks later...

"Where am I and why am I strapped to this tight white jacket?" Ian said.

"Ian. We tried everything and you seemed to have a huge addiction to it so.. there's only one thing we did." Bart sighed calmly along with his sister.

"Well bye!" Lisa said.

"Wait! Where! Where am I!" Ian said.

Two guards in white clothes grabbed Ian by the shoulder and threw him into a soft white but solitary confinement room, strapped to a jacket.

"Any last words?" One of the Guards said.

"Do you got any crack here?"

"You don't get any weed where you are pal!" The Guard slammed the door.

Suddenly Ian screamed, "NOOOOOO!", as he finally knew where he was... The Insane Mental Hospital for Killers, Heretics, Hippies, Believers-in-Real-Wrestling, and Obsessed Star Trek Fans."

* * *

Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa were walking with the Mental Doctor through the hallway as there were several patients they passed by.

"Yep. And that's how Adolf Hitler became crazy. Anyway, I will direct you to the camera room so you can see how your friend is doing in the confinement room." The Mental Doctor spoke.

"Oh. Well. I hope it didn't get to his brain... he's really sensitive at times." Bart spoke.

* * *

Meanwhile in the camera room, Stabbity Jack Alexson was holding a knife towards three guards as they had a hard time getting near him.

"I'm getting out of here alive! Even if it means taking all three of you down with me." Jack Alexson was near the door, his escape as a matter of fact.

"Sir. Just put the knife down and everything will be alright."

"Your calling me **crazy**?" Jack spoke angrily as the guards never mentioned that.

Before he could take a step, the **get-a-way door** he was near... **slammed** on the lunatic, causing him to fall and go unconscious as the mental doctor, Bart, and Lisa entered through the door way. The three guards quickly grabbed the crazy man and his knife away as one of them said, "Good work!"

"Eh, what?" The Mental Doctor spoke, not realizing he stopped a crazy lunatic. "Anyway, here's the camera room."

"Huh. Though it would be bigger." Bart spoke.

"Anyway, here's the camera for Ian's room here. You'll see what he's doing there."

"Hey! What are those guards doing?" Bart asked.

"Oh. There just throwing stabbity Jack in there and taking off Ian's strait jacket. If that's even his real name."

* * *

Meanwhile in the Solitary Confinement Room where Ian and Jack were held... Ian looked at Jack with his crazy looking eyes...

"Hmm... this guy looks dangerous. I better **defend** myself by carving a **stabbing weapon** out of this twig." Ian spoke as he pulled out a twig and a **knife** from his pocket to slowly carve the twig's tip into a sharp stabbing pointy tip.

* * *

As the days passed by, Bart and Lisa decided to go to the mental hospital to check on Ian...

They did, and the kids, the guards, and the doctor stood in front of confinement room where a metal door stood in the way.

"Well, he's here and he's finally cured from his addiction. Open the door men." The doctor ordered the guards.

Two guards grabbed the metal door knob and opened it revealing Ian at the room.

"Huh. He still pretty much looks the same." Bart said.

"Yeah but his personality is different. Isn't that right Ian?"

"Yeah... can I get out of this cell now? By the way, I think the Alex/Jack guy is cured too." Ian spoke.

"Oh. So what are you going to do first Ian?" Lisa asked.

"Guess I'll get a job at the Police Force. Don't worry Bart, I'll still run the music business." Ian spoke "Now who wants Ice-cream!"

"I DO!" Bart and Lisa yelled with smiles.

As Ian, Bart, and Lisa left... the mental doctor went to see the other patient in Ian's Confinement Room, Jack Alexson/Alex Jackson.

"Okay Mr. Alexson. You look fine." The Mental Doctor spoke as the guards approached Alex/Jack.

"Yeah. My insanity and disorder is finally gone..." Alex/Jack spoke. "I can live the life I always wanted! I can live the life I..."

One of the guards punched Alex/Jack's right in the face, landing to the ground, as the guard spoke, "He's annoying when he's normal."

Suddenly Alex/Jack got up from the ground and said, "Your saying I'm **crazy**?".

* * *

Bart and Milhouse were walking on the streets of Springfield as they had ice-cream in their hands.

"So your embarrassing friend is not so embarrassing anymore?" Milhouse asked.

"Yeah. He says he's going to join the police force but he's still in charge of the music shop."

"Oh.. anyway. See ya Bart. I got to go home to get me some steak."

"I hear ya. Well bye." Bart said.

As Bart left and Milhouse continued to walk on the sidewalk until he bumped into a man.

"Huh? Oh sorry."

"Ah, a lost Jew on his way to home, eh?" The man said.

"**Jew**? I'm not a Jew. I'm a Christian."

"Sure you are, says those glasses, the big nose, the blue hair, the enormous head, the bulging eyes, and that nerdy voice of yours. Come, stay at the Jewish place of sanctuary while your parents."

"But I'm not a Jew!" Milhouse yelled as he was being dragged to the Jewish Sanctuary.

* * *

It was a Rainy Sunday Morning, and the Simpsons and Ian were all at church as the bells ringed.

"So Ian, I see you have an haircut and you got yourself a job already." Marge smiled, happy for her friend there.

"Yeah, I asked if I can get a job and they gave me it so easily. There was not one single test at all."

"No test? But I've been through several hard tests in the police force." Marge spoke, a little angry in her skull of hers and yet she pretended to be peaceful with a, "Hrmm...".

"Okay, everyone." Reverend Lovejoy said. "Let us pray now to God about how we all love him as he strikes his love with.. err.. electricity bills, the IRS, and Bart Simpson..."

"Yeah, I hear ya loud and clear." Bart spoke next to his family.

"Yes.. anyway, let us pray."

Everyone in the church began to pray what they wanted to say as Lisa's Bullies who sat behind her however didn't... instead Lisa was getting spit wads thrown to her hair. She turned around to see the bullies smirking at her as she became a little frustrated of this... however she ignored it and continued to pray quietly, even if the spit wads were in her hair... As she was praying, the bullies than shooted pebbles from the straw right at the back of Lisa's head. This time, Lisa became more frustrated at a point to yell out, "WILL YOU DAMN STOP IT!".

Suddenly everyone who was praying stopped and became shocked hearing the word, "damn" in a Christian Church yelled out during a peaceful quiet prayer.

"I shouldn't have said that..." Lisa spoke with a fake and worry smile.

Reverend Lovejoy came up to her angrily and spoke, "Lisa, I want you to go outside and think about what you done out there in the cold rain and then you can come back! You got that missy?"

"Fine..." Lisa sighed miserably as her luck was taking a horrible turn.

Lisa walked through the Church's main room as everyone looked at her angrily, though her family and Ian was a little worried.. but Bart who was actually chuckling to see this.. still, Lisa did what she was told. She stepped out of the bright warm Church and into the outside of a cold heavy rain...

Meanwhile in the church...

"Hey? Where's Milhouse?" Bart said noticing that only his parents are here along with an man.

"Milhouse is right here, Bart." Milhouses Father or Kirk came.

"Uh.. that's not Milhouse.."

"That's what I was trying to tell them! I'm Jewish!" Krusty the Clown yelled as he was dressed in Milhouses small clothes that were being stretched, ripped, and revealing a lot of Krusty's smelly fat.

"So if you're here... than where's Milhouse?"

Meanwhile in another religious place...

"Son. You look a lot more uglier without your makeup... that is a **mask** right? I mean every part of your face is huge. Your eyes, ears, nose, hair, everything on your face. What's with the **joke**?" The Rabbi asked.

"A **Joke**?" Milhouse spoke as he felt insulted in Krusty's Father's work place.

* * *

The Simpsons family were altogether at the TV room during nighttime as they watched the Action News of the Police Department arresting Snake Jailbird.

"Who arrested this criminal I dear say?" Kent spoke on the TV. "Why it was old Ian here. Known for his bicker around cocaine. Now he's a guy who's out there protecting people instead of harming them. Ian, how was it like when you captured the criminal?"

"Eh, not hard Kent. I've deal with this sort of stuff before I was ever on weed. Though, this time I got shot in the arm but no worries... it kind of hurts though." Ian spoke, with a bleeding arm.

"You look like you need to go to the hospital."

"I said 'no worries'. I'll take care of it myself." Ian spoke waving his fist at Kent.

Meanwhile, outside of the TV, Bart Simpson spoke, "I can't tell who's great? The joyful but embarrassing hippie freak Ian or the cured but short tempered Ian."

"Yeah, he has problems, cured or not... huh? What's wrong with you Lisa?" Homer spotted Lisa looking at the ground from the couch gloomy.

"I've been receiving bad luck everywhere I go... I'm starting to wonder if there is no God..." Lisa said.

"Lisa." Marge spoke. "That was just one bad thing that happened at the church. Don't get angry over..."

"It wasn't just the Church. I almost got hit by a truck, dogs were chasing me angrily, I got lost in a bad neighborhood of Springfield, and I'm allergic to every flower I smell including roses. I'm not allergic to roses! I.. I need to get some sleep."

Homer and Marge watched Lisa going to her room and thought they should do something about Lisa's beliefs fading away.

* * *

Lisa was saddened as she was on her bed in her dark dark room... until the door opened revealing Homer and Marge at the entrance.

"What do you want?" Lisa asked.

"Were here to read you a bed time story. One from the bible." Marge said.

"Bible?" Homer screamed until he looked at Lisa's sad look on her face and responded "Uh.. yes.. the bible...". He then threw the book behind him into Lisa's small trashcan called, "The 100 Tales of Duff!".

"Anyway, would you like to hear one? It might cheer you up." Marge asked as she and her husband pulled some chairs to sit on.

"Uh.. okay.. sure.."

"Okay, let's tell a well-known story of Abraham and his son Isaac of The Old Testament." Homer spoke.

"Ooh. That tells you how strong Abraham's beliefs are to God." Marge smiled.

"Once upon a time there was an old crooked man named Abraham. He believed in God but God wanted to test his faith in him. Did you know what God did next?" Homer asked nicely.

"No?" Lisa spoke, as she became a little more curious of what happened next.

"Well God ordered Abraham to throw his son, Isaac, into a fire as a sacrifice and he did. Abraham is shown to be a strong believer. God knows that Abe has strong faith. **Everyone wins! The End!"**

"Uh.. what about Isaac..." Lisa became worried.

"Oh, he died." Homer spoke as Marge just looked at Homer, sighing as well.

"That.. that didn't made me feel better at all." Lisa became saddened. "Why would God test him in such a way? Aren't there better ways to test beliefs?"

"Well... he works in mysterious ways. Just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny... man, that bunny tasted good." Homer smiled.

"I'm going to the Kwik-E-Mart. Don't bother coming."

As Lisa left, Marge became angry at Homer.

"Homer! That's **not** how it ended! An angel stops Abraham from sacrificing his son because God already realizes that he has a strong faith in him!"

Homer just stood there looking at her saying, "... **DOH!**"

* * *

Ian stepped into his apartment, with a bleeding bullet in his arm... he went to the kitchen and pulled out a razor sharp knife. What did he do with it? He painfully but carefully took out the bullet through his injured skin. The metal bullet landed to the floor covered in blood but Ian was happy that it was out but not the pain in his arm though.

"Man, wish something could release all this stress away.." Ian sweated like a pig.

"There is, Ian." A voice was heard.

"What the? Who are you?"

"I'm Mary the Marijuana Leaf." Mary the Marijuana Leaf spoke. "All that stress you have can go away with one smoke of this crack pipe. It won't hurt you."

"No way, man. I'm not going back to that awful life."

"Awful life? You were happy but look at yourself now. You're a police officer who recently got a bullet in his arm, refused to go to the hospital, took it out with a knife and your sweating with the words stress all over you!"

"I said 'No'! I'm never ever smoking that stuff again."

"Ian. Are you aware that people who smoke crack or marijuana can... well... see illusions."

"Yeah, why?"

"Well... why are you seeing a talking Marijuana Leaf right now? You know... me?" Mary the Marijuana Leaf spoke.

Ian took a look at his hand and spotted something that just got smoked... it was Marijuana in his hand and his mouth smelled like it was burnt again.

"No.. no, no, no, NO!"

"What are you? Afraid of this stuff? A **Scaredy Cat** is what you are! 'Meow!', 'Meow!', 'Meow!'."

"He's making fun of both of us." A Talking Illusion **Cat** spoke.

"NOOOOO!" Ian screamed, falling to the floor sadly.

"Man, this guy needs to chill out. Have some cocaine." The Cat spoke.

**"Okay..."** Ian responded reaching his hand to the cat.

* * *

Several days later, Bart and Lisa came knocking on Ian's door waiting for an answer after noticing he wasn't in public anywhere.

"Ian. Are you here?" Bart took a last knock.

That last knock slowly pushed the door, revealing a mess in Ian's Apartment.

"Man, what happened here?" Lisa spoke as she and her brother entered the room. "Huh?"

Lisa spotted a marijuana stick on the ground, with smoke still appearing.

"Oh no. He hasn't?"

"Yes he has..." Bart pointed towards Ian sitting in the corner.

"Hey guys!" Ian smiled as he looked like he was just in a fight.

"Man, you're a junkie again! We're going to have to take you to the mental hospital again."

"What? No! I found out my life was miserable as a police officer, soldier, as any person I was back then."

"That's because your high and wasting your life. Now come on!"

"Now, since when is America about **taking freedom away**?" Ian asked.

"Since **George Bush came into office**." Lisa answered.

"Since **Osama caused 9/11**." Bart answered.

"Since the **Patriot Act took place**." Lisa answered.

"Oh..." Ian responded.

* * *

Bart, Lisa, Ian, and the Mental Doctor were walking through the hallway as they passed several people by.

"Looks like we're going to have to send him to solitary confinement again and..." The Doctor spoke until a certain scientist came.

"Doctor! I got what you wanted." Prof. Frink came.

"You mean?"

"Yes. A New Model of the Jet Pack that is powered by this -'HYOVIN-GLAVIN!'- floating halo with the protons and electrons along with the neutrons 'FLAVIN!'." Prof. Frink spoke as he showed him the jet pack powered by the floating halo.

"Good.. anyway I have to... hey? Where's Ian?" The Mental Doctor said.

"Oh god.. there he is.." Bart spoke, pointing at Ian talking to Krusty the Clown near costume props.

"So these huge white owl wings are for five bucks but the rest of the costume is like fifty dollars?" Ian spoke as he was trying out the owl wings.

"Yeah, but why are you wearing them on your taping it to your back? It's suppose to go to be for your arms." Krusty spoke.

"Hey Krusty!" Bart said as he interrupted the conversation.

"Who are you?"

"It's me Bart. A few days ago, Ian wanted to fight you for no reason."

"Oh yeah... and this guy's name is Ian... oh well... at least I get something sold here." Krusty received his five bucks from Ian.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on Ian." Bart spoke as he dragged Ian's arm to the mental doctor.

Bart and Ian met up with the Mental Doctor and Lisa as the nine-year old girl thought, "Why does he have wings on his back?"

"Okay. Ian. I need to get some tools for another patient, so just stay here for now. Okay?" The Mental Doctor said as he left Bart, Lisa, and the Ian with Wings in the hallway.

As the three were waiting... Dr. Nick came by with a cigar in his mouth.

"Man, being a Doctor is harder than I thought. Who knew it was more than just **pulling the plug**?" Dr. Nick said until he spotted a sign.

The sign spoke, "NO SMOKING ALLOWED" next to a table of drinks in the hallway.

"Oh.. better put this cigar away.. ah-ha! A trashcan!" Dr. Nick spotted a small trashcan.

The Inexperienced Doctor whistled near the trashcan and threw the cigar in it.

"Well. That takes care of that." Dr. Nick spoke, until he noticed that the garbage in the trash can was on fire.

"Oh no! Uh.. uh.. Ah-ha! Water!" Dr. Nick smiled as he grabbed the cup from the table and sprayed it all over the fire, hoping it will be gone... instead... it got worst. "This is.. water.. right?"

Suddenly a Nurse came by and said, "That's **Clear Colored Alcohol** for a party tomorrow and... Oh my freaking god! Is that a fire!"

Dr. Nick was too nervous to answer it, so he decided to run as he tripped the table causing the cups of alcohol to fall near the fire causing it to grow bigger... suddenly the fire alarms were ringing as well, people were evacuating as fast as they could, and Prof. Frink dropped his Halo-Powered Jetpack on the ground.

Meanwhile, Bart, Lisa, and Ian were waiting for the doctor only to notice that no one was in the hospital.

"Huh. Where is everyone?" Bart asked.

"Uh.. I think I know why.." Lisa gulped as the three spotted fire burning this way.

The three tried to run from the blazing heat of flames but instead there escape was cut off by another wave of flames. They were trapped until a huge bed came crashing through the walls causing a hole to the surface. Ian saw the entrance and then he spotted a halo-powered jetpack near them.

"Guys. I got an idea. Will fly our way out." Ian grabbed the jetpack and the halo.

"Fly? What do you take us for? Idiots?" Bart said.

"Were doomed aren't we?..." Lisa became saddened.

Ian grabbed the two kids as they became distracted of the fire instead of what Ian was doing.

A minute later... Bart and Lisa found themselves floating away from the fire through the hole of the surface.

"Huh?" Lisa said as she looked down and up.

The kids looked up to see Ian flying a jetpack but with a halo on his head and wings on his back as light was shining on the man with the singing words, "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!".

"You really are flying and.. and.. is that a black woman singing Hallelujah? Where's it coming from?" Bart looked around to see where the music was coming from.

"Who cares! Were **saved!**" Lisa spoke happily.

The three were now out of the hospital as they rose out of the hole. Now they were in the sky and Ian, Bart, and Lisa spotted a crowd of people and firemen at the parking lot of the hospital.

* * *

"Is my children okay!" A worried Marge asked the firemen.

"We don't know. Just stay calm and.."

"Hey look! **Is it a Bird?**" Dr. Hibbert asked.

"**Is it a Plane?**" Skinner asked.

"I'm outta here!" **Superman** spoke, flying away as the citizens saw a man on a jetpack holding two kids.

"None of you are right! That's just some hippie using my jetpack, with the fuel and the aerodynamics! It's all good." Prof. Frink said.

Ian landed on the parking lot as the crowd saw the hippie freak and the two children.

"My kids are saved! There saved from that horrible fire!" Marge hugged her two children.

"Speaking of fire. I think we found out what caused it. Some fool dropped a cig..."

"Hey firemen fellas! Let's take a picture for saving half the hospital." Dr. Nick came with a camera.

"Sure. Why not?" The Firemen replied.

"Oh dang it. I need some more **light** on this camera. Let's go to that **dark alley** shall we?" Dr. Nick spoke.

"Okay.. but it's **daylight** and what's with that **baseball bat** in your hand?"

* * *

Marge, Bart, and Lisa were walking away from the hospital as Lisa looked at it.

"Lisa? Is there something wrong?" Marge asked.

"You know... why do people believe in god if he's not shown around?" Lisa spoke.

"Lisa, many people have many different reasons... but the most well-known reason is hope. The hope to have a family, the hope to be a doctor, the hope to be famous. The hope to be saved or to save others. The hope to a better life or to become a better person. It's hope."

"Yeah, but hope is defined in many ways. It can..."

"Lisa. Weren't you just saved from a fire?" Bart asked.

"Hey.. yeah.." Lisa spoke.

"Now come on. Let's tell this all to your father and go out to eat." Marge said.

"Okay..." Lisa smiled. She than looked at the brightest clouds of bluest skies shining on every person that stood including Lisa herself. "There really is a god."

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"Finally, I got a little nine-year old girl to believe in me for the third time." God spoke as he was in his huge office, working.

"Hey God!" A Man said.

"Oh, it's you again Michael Jackson. Let me guess? You come here to help me with your family again?"

"Well yeah... but I do have a question as well."

"What?"

"Why did you test Abraham's beliefs by almost sacrificing his son?"

"Uh.. I hear my son calling! Coming Jesus!" God vanished to another place.

"I wonder where he really is going?"


	44. Dr Alex and Mr Jack

This Story has been Reupdated as for some reason the Gag Joke Scenes Below such as the Couch and Billboard Gag did not appeared for some reason after editing.

* * *

Opening Scene: A Meteor is seen in the sky heading towards Springfield

BillBoard Gag: "Pick A Bright Future" showing Ralph Wiggum picking his nose

Chalkboard Gag: "I will not dig up Abe Lincoln's Corpse" "I will not dig up Abe Lincoln's Corpse"

Couch Gag: The Family runs to the couch until Stampy comes bursting through the walls and stomps on the family.

Story 41 Synopsis: Homer and Bart have no choice but to work with a lunatic to get out of the asylum which takes a turn for the worst. Meanwhile, Clancy Bouvier and Jacqueline Bouvier are trying to find out how they first met, even after divorce.

* * *

Homer was eating fried eggs and bacon as he notice something is missing...

"Hmm... Where's Marge and the kids?" Homer asked himself.

"Hey? What are you still doing here?" Clancy Bouvier entered the kitchen.

"Eating breakfast? Why and what's the three **musketeers entering my kitchen?**" Homer spotted Selma, Patty, and Jacqueline entering the kitchen.

"You know I'm still here? Right?" Clancy Bouvier gritted his teeth.

"Oh.. uh.. yes.. but still, why are you all here?"

"You really don't know? It's Marge's Birthday you dumbass." Clancy Bouvier spoke. "By the way. Where's your gift?"

"Uh.. I.. have to get it... and uh..."

Suddenly Bart came and spoke, "**What's everyone doing here?**"

"**Like Father Like Son...**" Clancy Bouvier spoke as Bart also forget about Marge's Birthday.

"Uh.. Boy.. we need to get your Mother's Gift from.. uh.. Flanders's place... now let's go to the bank, boy..." Homer walked out of here slowly with Bart as the Bouvier Family watched them walk away.

"That guy can't even remember where his pinkie is." Selma said.

"Pinkie? All of his fatass fingers look the same to me." Clancy Bouvier chuckled.

"You know dad. You really need to stop swearing too much." Patty spoke.

"Hey. I picked it up in the army and I can't leave it."

Suddenly Marge entered the room and spoke, "**What's everyone doing here?"**

"Looks like fat boy's moronic pimple-sized brain has affected you too."

"He maybe a moron but he's still my husband."

"Uh-huh. Anyway, it's your birthday and Homer and Bart forget to get you a gift." Clancy Bouvier spoke.

"Yeah, like you forgot to give me it on my anniversary.. 'cough', 'cough'. I don't even know why I married you in the first place." Jacqueline spoke.

"Were divorced now. Can we stop talking that stupid night."

"Say dad... how did you and mom met anyway?" Marge asked.

"You really want to know." Clancy Bouvier chuckled along with Jacqueline at the same time for apparently a strange reason.

"What's happening here?" Lisa entered the room with Maggie in her arms.

"Shh.. Lisa! Were about to hear how my parents met."

"You see, it started in 1950..."

* * *

You see it was a long time ago three years after World War II, I decided to go to a reunion of Soldiers, Nurses, Pilots, Scientists even. Pretty much anyone who participated in the war of some effort. I was only just 22 years old back then, meaning I'm an year younger than that Abe Simpson fellow.

"So, what are you going to do after you retire from being a soldier at old age?" Frank spoke, a muscular man wearing a suit that's... stretching and already having the sleeves torn into pieces...

"Flying in planes... I had an interest in photography though..." Clancy Bouvier spoke, a young skinny but strong man.

"Yeah, ever thought about getting a girl? You know, just taking a break from all this war stuff?"

"What do I need a woman for? There nothing but... Who's that?" Clancy spotted a certain blue-haired woman...

She was the most beautiful person she saw. More beautiful than that bomb raid in Berlin where you see all the Nazi's screaming for their lives... Yep, she was as beautiful as Sally, my pistol used for war that is and... why am I comparing beauty to weapons?

"So what are you going to do after you retire from being a Nurse?" Suzy asked Jacqueline, a nurse.

"How would I know? Become an Art Teacher I guess. Got real good talent for art." Jacqueline spoke.

"Hey toots. Wanna dance?" An Marine came to her.

"No thanks."

"I wasn't asking nicely." The Marine grabbed her by the arm.

"Hey! You!" Clancy Bouvier came to the Marine with a fierce look in his eyes.

"What? Can't you see the lady doesn't want to hear blabber talk from an air force man such as yourself?"

"I'm in the Navy." He spoke angrily.

"Than what's with all that plane talk you have? Maybe you go to a plane and fly home."

"Oh that's it!" Clancy Bouvier became angry and raised his fist, punching the guy in fist.

Suddenly Navy Guys and Marines watched this and started to fight... this reunion just became war.

* * *

"And that's what happened. I punched that jerk and got the girl. Just like the superheroes kids love today." Clancy Bouvier smiled.

"Uh.. Clancy.." Jacqueline became upset.

"What?"

"**That wasn't me**... Do you remember how we met?"

"**Oh.. oh... oh.. Oh boy...**" Clancy Bouvier looked at Jacqueline's disappointed face.

* * *

Homer and Bart stepped out of their car as they stood in the small parking lot of the First Bank of Springfield.

"Well. Come on boy. We need to withdraw some money for a present." Homer said.

The two entered the bank and became very disappointed as they saw a long line of people.

"Looks like we have to wait..." Homer grunted.

The two waited at the end of the line so they can withdraw some money from the bank, however Homer noticed the man in front of him.

"Ryan? Is that you?" Homer said.

"Homer? What have you been doing buddy?" Ryan said.

"Uh.. dad.." Bart gulped.

"Not now Bart. Anyway, I have a family, work at the Nuclear Power Plant, and I still hang out at Moe's. We should go sometime. So what are you going to do?"

"Uh.. dad.." Bart gulped once again.

"By the way, just call me **Alex Jackson or Jack Alexson**. Or Dr. Alex or Mr. Jack? Anyway, is good."

"Why two names?"

"My original name is Ryan but there are my two personalities I choose to be named after. One likes to stab, the other is plain nice. Though I have several other personalities too..."

"Uh-huh... right..." Homer spoke in sarcasm not knowing what he just said. "Anyway what are you doing in the bank?"

"Robbing it. Why?" Alex Jackson spoke as he pulled out a gun. "THIS IS A ROBBERY! GET DOWN!"

Suddenly everyone screamed for their lives except Homer who was just following his lunatic "friend".

"So that's good and all. I see you like choosing smaller banks though this is more recognizable for being the first bank here you know." A friendly Homer spoke.

"Give me the money in this sack YOU!" Stabbity Jack yelled at the female employee at the counter.

"Okay! Okay! Here!" The Female Employee gave the lunatic the money in the sack.

"Thank you. Your alright." Peaceful Alex spoke, his other personality. "Anyway... YOU! The boy!"

"Yes?" Bart stood up in fear.

"Get that door open before the police comes." Stabbity Jack spoke.

"Anyway, if your called Stabbity Jack, why do you have a gun?" Homer followed his friend to the doors.

"Believe it or not. I can actually pretty much stab anything into any object or person. It's not that hard. Anyway, Homer and the boy who just opened the door. Your alright. Here's something for your troubles." Stabbity Jack handed Homer and Bart one large sack of cash.

"Well see ya!" Peaceful Alex left the building with a wad of cash.

"Now wasn't that nice?" Homer said.

Suddenly the police force bursted in and quickly handcuffed Homer and Bart to the floor.

"Homer Simpson and Bart Simpson. Your under arrest for grand theft auto and bank robbery." Clancy Wiggum said.

"We didn't rob a bank!" Bart explained. "The real crook handed us a wad of cash and.. Wait? **Grand Theft Auto**?"

* * *

Outside of Springfield, Stabbity Alex was riding in Clancy Wiggum's Stolen Police Car crazily as people had to move, dodge, or shield themselves from the lunatic.

"Get out of the way! Police Officer Kyle is here!" Alex/Jack spoke as he crazily thought that he was a Police Officer named Kyle.

A minute later the car crashed into Dr. Hibbert's Fancy Home... "Officer Kyle" was still in the car that was stuck in the wall as he stared at a family of Hibbert's continuing to eat lunch as they stared at the lunatic.

"Do I know you from somewhere? You look like someone from the mental hospital..." Dr. Hibbert spoke.

"Oh that's obvious I'm a Psychiatrist Buck McKee."

"You mean the same Buck McKee that went crazy for having that job and set fire on Town Hall?"

"Yep." He replied.

"Your hired! Only because you seem to know what goes on the mind of insanity and psychos."

"Your calling me crazy?"

"Heh heh. Yeah. He definitely does know about the **mind of a psycho**." Hibbert chuckled.

* * *

It was Court and Homer and Bart were put in trial as there lawyer Gil Gunderson stood beside them while the family watched along with Homer's friends.

"Homer and Bart. It seems your here because of Grand Larceny? Do you have to say anything for this?" The Judge spoke

"We didn't do it!" Bart said.

"Uh-huh... right... well, anyway. Let's get this over with. I have to meet my wife before the divorce happens again..."

"Hi your honor. It's me Gil!" Gil Gunderson spoke.

"Uh-huh. We all know who you are." The Judge had no care in the world to know this man.

"Well anyway, these two thieves..."

"Hey!" Bart and Homer yelled.

"... were framed by a fiendish lunatic named Ryan Pvelscee, but more well-known as Stabbity Alex and Peaceful Jack from Norway."

"Do you have proof?"

"Out of all the courts I've been through, this time I do!" Gil Gunderson brought up a videotape in his hand. "This is footage of a camera inside the bank when this robbery happened."

Gil Gunderson inserted the tape into a VCR of a television set and the video was shown to the jury, the judge, and the public.

"As you can see here. This man is clearly the one robbing the bank. Not the innocent Father and Son Simpsons."

"Is that the man Bart?" The Judge asked.

"Hold on a second. My phone is ringing." Gil Gunderson spoke. "What? You're going to kill me if I... Oh wait. It's for you."

Gil handed Bart the phone and heard a familiar voice.

"Hi there buddy. It's me Alex or Jack. Anyway is fine. Turn around." He spoke through the phone.

Bart turned around and saw Alex/Jack in disguised as a psychiatrist with a phone to his mouth and ear.

"...You can either testify and have a knife slit in that throat or go to jail while being alive. What is it?"

Bart turned off the cell phone and spoke, "Your Honor. I am afraid to testify under the conditions of being slit by the throat by some maniac on loose."

"Ah yes. **The 'Do Not Slit Springfield Law of 1968'.**" The Judge spoke.

* * *

Several hours later in court, Homer and Bart were about to lose in the court.

"Oh man. What are we going to do?" Bart said.

"Well... I did had a Plan B..." Gil Gunderson spoke.

"Are you done chatting? The court is in session you know!" The Judge yelled.

"Anyway, I declare these guys **insane**!" Gil Gunderson spoke.

"Insane? That's your plan B?" Bart whispered angrily.

"Gil? Why on earth would these guys be insane?"

"Well.. you see your honor. They still show no reason why they robbed the bank... so it must be insanity as they say they are not the culprit."

"That's because we aren't the culprit you!" Bart yelled.

"See what I mean?" Gil said.

"Hmm... okay than! I both sentence Homer and Bart Simpson to the Springfield Mental Asylum until you are cured." The Judge declared the two's fate.

"Yes! **The Justice System Fails Again!**" Homer yelled.

* * *

Homer and Bart stood inside the asylum as they saw several other patients doing activities such as chess, watching TV, or just sitting down in the big room as several doctors studied their behavior. Bart did not like the looks of this place but Homer however, knew pretty much everyone here.

"Hey there Ken, Johnny, Eisten, Noland, Mike, Rick, and the Hitchhiker with the axe." Homer spoke friendly to them.

"Homer? You already know them?" Bart said.

"Yeah, it was during the time when I saw that Leon guy who sounds like Michael Jackson. Yeah... good times... Hey! There's the guy who likes to eat rocks! Hi there!" Homer said.

"Eh... who would want to be happy in an asylum?" Bart sighed.

"Bart? Is that you. Your room is on the second floor." A nurse spoke.

"Okay. Let's just get this over with...

* * *

Bart and The Nurse stood in front of his room where there stood a metal door.

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Your roommate lives there and he was actually mistaken for a **psychiatrist** due to looking like he knew about the crazy mind when he actually had one. Anyway, here's your room." The Nurse opened the door and Bart was suddenly scared again.

"Hi there buddy!" Peaceful Jack said with a grin to his face.

"Uh.. can I have a different room?" Bart asked.

"Get in there." The Nurse threw Bart into the room and shut the metal door closed.

"So... uh... hello... Jack..." Bart chuckled worriedly.

"Your calling me crazy? Oh that's it! I'm going to stab you!" Stabbity Alex pulled out his knife and tried to stab Bart only for him to dodged all of them as he continuously try to stab Bart.

Now Bart had to continuously dodge the stabs for the rest of the night...

* * *

Marge entered the living room to look for her broom.. instead she found her father looking through her stuff in small boxes.

"Uh.. dad.. what are you doing?" Marge asked.

"I'm looking for at least some hints about how we met." Clancy Bouvier said.

Suddenly Jacqueline entered the room.

"Hello Clancy. Have you found out yet?" Jacqueline spoke.

"Sure I do... okay, no." Clancy Bouvier spoke. "Why I am I even trying to find out! Were divorced!"

"So? It was one of the most important days of my life? How can you say it's 1950 when it was actually 1952?"

"Wait a minute? 1952? I believe you forgot as well." He said.

"What do you mean?" Marge became confused.

"In 1952 I was deployed in the Korean War. In fact, I believe we were married somewhere in 1951." Clancy Bouvier smiled proudly that his ex-wife has also forgot about how they met.

"I'm going to the bathroom..." Jacqueline became angry of her ex-husband's smile.

* * *

Homer and an unrelaxing Bart that looked like he had no sleep at all were watching TV on a couch in the room filled with activities and patients as someone spoke, "Hey Homer..."

"Huh? Hi Ryan! What are you up to now and why are you wearing a psychiatrist outfit?"

"I need you to come with me okay and you there boy. Wear this around your chest." Peaceful Jack held a device of some sort in his hand.

"Uh.. why?"

"Wear it or I'll stab you!" Stabbity Alex spoke.

"Okay! Okay!" Bart put the device around his chest, still wondering what it was for.

The three started to walk in the mental hospital as Homer had a question.

"Uh.. Ryan old buddy.. uh.. what are we doing?"

"Escaping? Why?"

"Oh.. uh.. when's that?"

"Now." Peaceful Jack said as the three stood outside and far away from the asylum as Homer spotted a huge wrecked hole at the wall.

"How did that happen?" Homer said.

"Not now. Me, You, and the bomb boy are going down to Springfield."

"Bomb?" Bart looked at the device strapped to his chest.

"Yeah and here's the detonator. I made it out of a Microsoft Computer."

Suddenly out of nowhere the three looked at the asylum as alarms were heard, dogs barking, and lights appeared out of nowhere.

"We better make a run for it now!" Homer said.

* * *

Several minutes later... the three were running away from the police and asylum guards on the grassy lands until they spotted a car.

The three entered the car, thus becoming stolen, however it was about to be **permanently** stolen as the one driving the car was the lunatic. The car was started and it began to drove off only to **crash** into a tree and becoming a wrecked car. The three than stepped out and began to make another run for it.

* * *

Another several minutes later... the three stopped by at the Kwik-E-Mart.

"Let's stop here for a snack." Homer said.

"Good idea. Let's **rob** the place." Alex/Jack spoke as Bart sighed painfully.

The three entered the store but a minute later they suddenly began to leave the store as fast as they could as Apu stepped out with a **shotgun in his hands and shooting in the air as a warning**.

"Who's the one with the gun now? Stupid thieves." Apu walked backed in.

* * *

The three were now trying to escape on stolen horses from a barn as they wore hats on their heads... only thing is that when these wild young horses started to run like the wind as magnificent as they can towards freedom from the asylum... but they stopped for some grass acting calm as a slow turtle.

The three got off the horses grunting that their attempts to escape easily is always getting ruined by something or someone.

* * *

Jacqueline Bouvier was sitting on the couch reading a romance book as Clancy Bouvier held two cups of entered the TV room of The Simpsons House.

"Oh. It's you. Weren't we divorced?" Jacqueline spoke disappointedly.

"Yeah... but it doesn't mean we can't have some Ginger Wine together at least."

"Ginger Wine? That's my favorite beverage. You remember!" Jacqueline smiled with a few coughs.

"Yeah, hey? It might even give us a clue of how we met." The Old man smiled back as he handed a cup of Ginger Wine to his ex-wife.

The two took a sip of ginger wine and then suddenly... Jacqueline felt odd.

"Huh.. I.. I think I know how we met. It was 1950..." Jacqueline spoke

"Hey... I think I'm starting to remember too." Clancy spoke.

* * *

Year of 1950...

A young Clancy Bouvier and Frank were drunk as ever as Clancy said, "Okay... do you got the small tiny bits of... fireworks.. for the toilets?"

"Yep... Let's do this." Clancy Bouvier spoke as he had a lighter in his hand and a small amount of fireworks too in the other hand.

Meanwhile, Jacqueline and her friend Suzy was also drunk as ever.

"You know.. I have a drinking problem and I don't care! I love it!" Jacqueline laughed crazy. "Let's pour some alcohol in the fruit punch bowl."

Jacqueline and Suzy slowly went to the fruit punch bowl on a large table of food and drinks and poured some liquor in it from a can of beer. Suddenly Clancy Bouvier bumped into her as he accidently set the small tiny amount of fireworks on.

"Why.. hi there?" Clancy Bouvier felt drunk still.

"You? Are you my mama?" Jacqueline smiled in an odd manner.

Suddenly Jacqueline noticed that something was on fire and looked at Clancy's hand.

"Is that fireworks?" Jacqueline said.

"Oh it's... ON FIRE!" Clancy Bouvier spoke as he finally realized that it was on fire from his drunken state. "Need to put it out.. uh.. the **punchbowl!**"

"Wait! Wait!" Jacqueline also realized what's going to happen from her drunken state.

Clancy Bouvier threw the flamed fireworks in the alcohol-filled punchbowl... leading to even a bigger fire and causing the fireworks to fly into the air onto the curtains of the dance.

This is how they pretty much met...

* * *

Clancy Bouvier and Jacqueline Bouvier just looked at each other strangely and Clancy spoke, "We met starting a fire in the middle of a dance? Drunk?"

"You had fireworks for the toilet?"

"You poured alcohol in the fruit punch!" Clancy Bouvier argued. "Look! If anyone asks.. eh.. I'll them the 'punch the marine' story."

"Okay... so... what are you doing tonight?" Jacqueline spoke.

"Watch the News." Clancy Bouvier spoke as he turned on the TV with the remote.

"Oh what the hell?" Clancy Bouvier said as he just found out something today on the TV

"This is Kent Brockman LIVE as a helicopter! Reporting you that three insane criminals have tried many attempts to easily escape the police. They tried horses, hijacking cars, and stealing supplies from a local grocery store. But all failed. Now they are running from the police by foot as fast as they can!" Kent Brockman spoke on the TV.

"Hey? What's going on?" Marge entered the TV room with Lisa, Maggie, Patty, and Selma.

She took a look at the TV and saw Homer and Bart with Alex/Jack.

"Oh dear lord!" Marge said in worried.

The family watched the News as it showed Kent Brockman saying, "It seems that the three decided to take shelter at a suburban home! We can't tell who it is yet but..."

"Hey.. that looks like our house." Lisa said.

Suddenly they heard knocking on the door.

The Simpsons and Bouvier's went towards the doors and saw Homer, Bart, and Alex/Jack.

"Oh good! Hostages!" Stabbity Alex grinned.

* * *

"Uh.. Ryan old buddy... uh.. why are you tying me as a hostage." Homer became worried as he looked to the window to see the police all around the place and being tied to the hostages.

"Because you don't have a bomb like this boy does. I need him to escape." Peaceful Jack said. "Now go out there as I start the bomb with the detonator."

"Okay! Okay!"

Bart gulped as he stepped out with an jacket covering the bomb.

"Okay Bart! We got guns! Now come over here now and we don't have to resort to violence!" Chief Wiggum spoke behind a police car along with several other policemen.

"Well guess what officer! You just brought a gun to a bomb fight!" Bart revealed his bomb that counted down to three seconds.

Suddenly all the policemen screamed like girls and acted like they saw mice everywhere.

"We weren't ready for this!" Chief Wiggum whined.

"Look Chief! The bomb's about to countdown to 0!" Lou yelled.

Though as it counted from one to zero... nothing happened...

"Oh good... It must be made by Bill Gates. Man his technology is crap yet a good salesman you have to say." Chief Wiggum spoke. "Take him boys!"

Lou and Eddie quickly handcuffed Bart as he said, "Wait! I can help!"

"You? Your just a child."

"A child that manage to escape and scare the hell out of you police officers." Bart said.

"Uh.. okay. What do you have in mind?" Chief Wiggum said.

"Well... the guy responsible for this is that Alex/Jack guy right and he's crazy. Is he like afraid of anything or seen something that caused his insanity?"

"Yeah. The doc said he saw Jesus when it was just some hobo with a beard drinking wine and bread. He also saw several other guys from the bible too. Also he loves Santa Claus."

"Hmm... I got a good idea. Do you officers know how to act?" Bart said.

"Do we? We've played in COPS The Musical." Wiggum smiled.

* * *

Alex/Jack was waiting to see if anything happened outside as the hostage was tied up but he only saw no police.

"Huh? Where is everyone?" Alex/Jack said. "Better check it out?"

Alex/Jack stepped outside of the house as the hostages were still inside.

"Huh? What the?" Peaceful Jack spoke as he saw several people dressed in biblical costumes and wearing beards as well... including one person dressed up as Santa Claus. "Who are you?"

"Why I'm Santa Claus." Bart said dressed up as Santa Claus.

"Santa Claus? **In Summer**?"

"Uh.. yeah.. and these are my friends the twelve apostles!" Bart showed the lunatic twelve policemen dressed up as the twelve apostles.

"And I am Santa Clauses **Best Friend**! **Jesus**!" Chief Wiggum dressed up as a fat version of Jesus.

"You're trying to trick me into believing in those costumes? **How dare you lie to Jesus!**" Alex/Jack said.

Suddenly the policemen pulled their guns at a worried Alex/Jack.

"Uh..uh.. **Get them Jesus**!" Alex/Jack spoke.

"I'm a little busy here." Chief Wiggum said as he was eating a bag of peanuts.

* * *

"I'm glad that's over." Homer said as he was at the dinner table with The Simpsons and Bouvier's.

"Yeah, now that they turned that guy in. Were proved innocent from both insanity and robbery." Bart said.

"Thank God that your alive though." Lisa said.

"Yeah... and me and Jacqueline are thinking about getting back together." Clancy Bouvier spoke.

"That's wonderful news!" Marge smiled.

"Oh yeah... and I didn't forget." Homer said.

"Forget?" Selma grunted.

"Yeah. I got Marge a birthday present! So in your face!" Homer held a gift wrapped up neatly.

"Her birthday was three days ago." Patty argued.

"Well.. I still got a gift." Marge held the gift in her hand.

She opened it and saw a diamond ring inside.

"Homer! It's wonderful! But how did you afford it?" Marge said.

"Let's just say it was during my time with Bart and old Ryan..."

"You robbed the Jewelry Store?" Lisa asked.

"Uh.. no.." Homer replied nervously.

"Let's just eat. Homer and Bart are out of jail, my two parents might get back together and I get a diamond ring. It's a happy day! Let's just eat!" Marge smiled.

* * *

It was a happy day for The Simpsons... but not for one particular person in one particular asylum...

Alex/Jack sat lonely in a cold cold corner with a blanket over his body that went up to his neck.

"_Stupid Mental Doctors... I hate them all! There probably watching me... Well let them, they'll see what kind of person I am..." _He thought.

Suddenly a fly landed on top of his hand...

"_I'm not even going to hurt this fly... They'll see, They'll see, and they'll know, and they'll say...'He wouldn't even hurt a fly... heh heh'."_

* * *

(Extra Scene)

A young Clancy Bouvier and a Young Jacqueline were holding hands happily with smiles as everyone was screaming for their lives during the fire burning and ruining the dance but the couple just held hands, looked at each other, smiled, and stood in a dangerous area as if they never knew what was going on... as a song was also played as well.

_You'll never find, as long as you live  
Someone who loves you tender like I do  
You'll never find, no matter where you search  
Someone who cares about you the way I do_

"My Leg! Someone help me!" A Man yelled but the couple just kept on standing there together during the fire.

_You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time  
Someone to understand you like I do  
You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme  
All the magic we shared, just us two_

"Dude! This guy needs medical attention now! Is there a doctor!" A Young Man yelled but the couple just looked at each other happily during the fire.

_You'll never find another love like mine  
Someone who needs you like I do  
You'll never see what you've found in me  
You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through  
Whoa, I don't wish you no bad luck, baby  
But there's no ifs and buts or maybes_

"Man! Clancy! Your best friend's arm is broken! Come help me!" One of Clancy's Friends yelled but Clancy Bouvier just stood there with Jacqueline.


	45. The Stupid and The Dumb

Opening Scene: Three Chinese Dragons, of the Goo Goo Gai Pan Episode, fly in the sky in search of a bag of peanuts

Billboard Gag: "Ketchup or Katchup?" says a picture of Homer.

Chalkboard Gag: "I will not be a pain in the butt, I will not be a pain in the butt, I will not be a pain in the butt."

Couch Gag: The Family goes there way to the couch on bicycles with helmets on there heads.

Story 42 Synopsis: Lisa thinks she still has a crush on Nelson and Milhouse starts to have an interest in someone else...

* * *

It was Tuesday Night and Bart, Milhouse, Ralph, Martin, Bashir and Handy were all in the basement watching TV on a rusty dirty old couch. They were just all staring at the TV like mindless zombies until Lisa showed up in joy with a packet of papers.

"Guess what! Guess what!" Lisa spoke with joy.

"What?" Bart asked.

"I got the role as Juliet in the Romeo and Juliet play! Though Skinner and the teachers said they had to change some things from the actual play... whatever that is..."

"You sound like you never actually seen the full version of the Romeo and Juliet play." Martin spoke.

"I haven't seen it... that's why I have to rehearse and by the way, have you even seen it?"

"Nope." Martin said. "My parents banned me from seeing the play and they never gave me a reason."

"Hey... our parents did the same thing too..." Bart spoke.

"Yes, yes. I still need to rehearse but I need someone to pretend to be Romeo? Bart?" Lisa asked.

"No. I don't care." Bart set his brain to the TV again.

"What about you Bashir?"

"Nah. I heard that play has some Christianity to it and that could have some conflict with my religion." Bashir spoke.

"Milhouse?"

"uh.. No..." Milhouse spoke. "I got... business later..."

"Uh... Ralph?" Lisa asked.

"Sorry Lisa. My daddy and mommy said that I can't rehearse for a three months because of my dead machine thingy in my head." Ralph said, referring to Marc, shutdown, offline, in his head. "Also for some reason. I'm starting to have an **addiction** to eating glue."

"Come on! This is the story of two star-crossed lovers. It's so romantic and..."

"Yuck." All the guys spoke.

"Seriously, **what's so romantic about two lovers committing suicide for each other**? That Shakespeare guy must have been a real insane nut if you ask me." Handy spoke.

"Handy! Will you help me?" Lisa said.

"Oh wait.. let me think about that.. It is made by the greatest playwright... oh wait. I hate plays with confusing words that make no sense to me." Handy spoke.

"Come on! I helped you pulled off that computer prank against all those sophomores!" Lisa said.

"Eh.. give me that script." Handy grunted.

"Uh.. there's only one script." Lisa spoke only to anger Handy a little more. "It can still be fun. How about you say the first thing that comes to your head instead of what's in the play when it comes to your line?"

"Fine.." He grunted again as everyone watched this with a chuckle to see what's going to happen.

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much. Which mannerly devotion you show in this?" Lisa spoke from the script.

"My lady, I have no sword but instead a pistol that's going to aim straight to your forehead!" Handy spoke angrily.

"Uh.. um.. have not saint lips, and holy palmers?.." Lisa gulped.

"No. Have hands of fury and rage that speak of hell if you don't stop." Handy spoke angrily.

"Uh.. on second thought.. um.."

"Hey guys! Guess what!" Nelson came down to the basement.

"What?" Bart asked.

"I got the role of Romeo!" Nelson kissed his script proudly.

"You? Romeo? You're not even close to being him." Bart spoke.

"Yeah, your usually cursing out 'damn' all the time when you steal a squirrel's nut." Bashir spoke.

"Yes but it doesn't mean I can't act." Nelson spoke.

"You know. It's kind of funny too. Lisa here is Juliet... hey? What happened to Lisa?" Milhouse spoke.

"Oh. She fell down to the ground unconscious after hearing that Nelson had the role of Romeo." Handy spoke as everyone looked at Lisa on the floor. "My guess is that she was surprised that you were Romeo that she had to fall... So who wants to steal some beer from Homer's fridge?"

"I do!" All the boys spoke.

"Wait a minute... since when do my friends call my dad Homer?" Bart thought.

* * *

Bart was bored and Milhouse smiled with joy as they were sitting in the school bus along with the other class mates... besides that, Bart had something on his mind.

"Hey Milhouse. You know that you tried to ask my sister out, stalk her at times to find out her interests, and one time thought that destroying her science projects would make her like you? Why did you say 'No' when Lisa asked you to rehearse with her. I mean you could've had a chance.. though the results would end very badly.. but still you would never give up on a chance like this?"

"Yeah... I realize now that Lisa does not love me and I should just give up... instead I took an eye for a different person."

"Oh no... my best friend is an homosexual?" Bart spoke in worry.

"What! No! I'm not in love with a 'he'. I'm in love with a 'she'." Milhouse spoke.

"Oh thank god! So who's the chick?" Bart spoke.

"Her." Milhouse showed a picture to Bart.

He suddenly felt disgusted, that he wanted to barf everywhere, and wanted to scream... was she ugly? No... she was gorgeous but... unexpected...

"Dude! That's my **mom**!" Bart argued.

"So? What's wrong with asking your mom on a date?" Milhouse asked.

"Asking my mom on a date? SHE'S MARRIED YOU BUFFOON!" Bart yelled.

"Dude? Is Milhouse hitting on your mom?" Nelson heard the conversation.

"What? No!" Bart answered.

"You know Bart. If this makes you feel any better... I had a **huge crush on your mom since I was five**." Milhouse spoke.

"HOW IS THAT MAKING ME FEEL ANY BETTER!" Bart yelled.

"Dude! Don't say that to Bart**...**" Bashir came into the conversation.

"Thank you Bashir. Never thought a Muslim would be a great friend." Bart spoke.

"**...** You should tell us all the details of your crush to us!" Bashir **finished his sentence**.

"You got to be kidding me..." Bart sighed. "Well at least you're the only one who has a crush on my mom, Milhouse. Right Guys? **Guys?**"

Suddenly Bashir and Nelson looked at each other nervously...

* * *

It was lunchtime in school and Lisa was sitting with her friends, Janie, Allison, and yes, they are consider her friends at some points.. Sherry and Terry. Anyway, Lisa was having a lunch box filled with celery sticks of peanut butter and raisins, Allison had a steamy hotdog, Janie had a plastic box of noodles, and Sherry and Terry had Cookies and Brownies.

"So anyway, Nelson has the role of Romeo! Can you believe that!" Lisa spoke.

"Not really... he has been practicing in acting you know." Allison spoke.

"Yeah, you didn't know?" Janie spoke.

"What? Well still.. uh.. he's.. um.."

"Don't tell me you still have a crush on that boy?" Terry spoke.

"What? No!" Lisa spoke as fast and quickly as she can.

"You do have a crush on him! You do!" Sherry spoke.

"I do not! It's just that.. Eep!" Lisa spoke until she hid under the table as Nelson walked by and spoke, "Hi Missy's. Hi Lisa!"

As Nelson was finally away from the table, Lisa sat at her spot again.

"It's just that he got the role." Lisa spoke.

Her friends just looked at her.

"Uh.. he's ugly." Lisa spoke.

They were still looking at her.

"He's a bully still! You can't change that!"

They were still looking at her.

"Okay.. maybe I do have a tiny crush on him... but that doesn't mean anything!" Lisa spoke.

"It's okay to have a crush on someone..."

"Yeah.. I guess so.. he is kind of funny at times.. do you think we should get back together?"

"Whoa Whoa little missy!" Allison spoke.

"Little Missy? You're the youngest one in our class!"

"Just hear me out. That's Nelson. It's okay to have a crush but to get back with him is a little..."

"Well.. Maybe I should test him at least."

"Well good. You really do need to test him and I don't just mean for love but his hygiene and habits. Yuck. You don't want to know what he wore last week." Janie spoke, as she hesitated and was shaken for a second.

* * *

Meanwhile at the boys table...

"Okay, I think I may still have a crush on Lisa." Nelson spoke to his friends, Bart, Milhouse, Ralph, Martin, Bashir, and Handy.

"**And why should we care? **I mean this is girl talk." Handy asked.

"Yeah. Why not just talk about your girly feelings with the girls over there." Bart spoke.

"I'm shy..."

"Well I'm not! Muslim maybe seen as a horrible religion to the greatest countries ever but it has taught me the ways of the woman." Bashir spoke.

"Bashir. This is America and we don't treat woman as slaves with no rights or wait... is that just the country... well... I don't know... Still, we treat them as a separate group since we are kids." Bart spoke.

"Either way... were all perverts when we grow up. Rights or no rights, True Love or Howling like a Coyote." Bashir spoke.

"Who knew Muslims can speak wise words?" Nelson spoke.

"Hey! My religion has an ancient history like yours. Sure there were some... violent times... and even now they are... but... but it doesn't mean we can't be good, smart, and help the people..." Bashir spoke.

"Uh.. wait.. how did the ideas of love resulted in the goods and bads of Muslim again?" Handy asked.

"Well... uh... I bet your Christianity religion have bads too! You keep on saying it's good but..."

"Dude! We always admit that it has its own bads but we don't get all over reactive about it and lead our country to a bad state..." Handy argued.

Handy and Nelson suddenly looked at each other wondering what he just said... about their own country...

"Well! Well! Uh.. I'm outta here!" Bashir yelled as he left.

"Oh no... one of my friends have left me." Bart thought. "Looks like **Plan B**..."

"Hey Ralph! My **backup** friend. Come sit by me!" Bart spoke.

* * *

Lisa and her friends, Janie, Allison, Sherry and Terry were at the Bowling Center to discuss her tests with Nelson.

"Okay. I'm going to test Nelson before I date him again. I won't tell him that I'm even testing him... though since he's kind of.. uh.. mediocre... let's put it that way... he has to get at least one out of the four tests I came up with. They are career, interests, parenthood, and love over looks."

"I don't think he'll pass one single test..." Janie spoke. "Still... this might be funny..."

"Funny? Eh. Were trying to see if he's **mature** enough to date me." Lisa argued.

Suddenly Nelson came into the Bowling Center, pass the drunken bowlers, and to Lisa and her friends.

"Guess what! **Milhouse's butt of his pants was covered in liquid. We tried to dry it up with a lighter but it turns out that the liquid was gasoline so his pants was on fire and he had to walk home with no pants**." Nelson spoke with a smile.

Suddenly all of Lisa's friends chuckled of Nelson's immature self.

"Uh.. um.. Nelson. We were doing a project of what careers we wanted. I personally wanted to be an astronaut or a author someday... so how about you?" Lisa asked.

"Well my Grandfather inspired me to be a Judge because he is a Judge himself..." Nelson smiled.

"A judge. How **mature**." Lisa smirked at her friends.

"... Or! Or a **clown** because my hero Krusty The Klown is a clown." Nelson finished his sentence.

"A.. A clown?" Lisa sighed.

"Yeah! Clown's are funny and get all the joy from children. Imagine that when I grow up... Oh, man. I need to use the bathroom." Nelson spoke.

As Nelson left, Lisa's friends were laughing at her due to Nelson's strong immature brain.

"Eh.. shut up!" Lisa responded back.

* * *

Milhouse stood at the door of The Simpsons house and knocked. The door opened revealing Marge Simpson holding onto the knob as she smiled to see who it was.

"Hello Milhouse. What's that in your hands?" Marge asked.

"Flowers!" Milhouse held roses to the lady.

"Thank you Milhouse." Marge received and held the flowers in her hands until suddenly Homer came at the door.

"Who is it? Oh, it's the little nerd Milhouse." Homer drank a can of beer.

"Homer. Milhouse gave me some roses, you should at least be nice to him." Marge responded to her husband.

"Look. I'm the jock and he's the nerd. I can't respect him or my friends will think I'm one of them." Homer said. "Anyway Milhouse. Go back to where you came from."

Homer slammed the door in front of Milhouses nose.

Suddenly Milhouse gave an **angry but sinister look**, almost as if Homer was in the way...

* * *

It was sunrise and Homer and Marge had a picnic on top of a green lushes and grassy hill. They watched as the sun began to fall and the moon began to rose until a small Italian person showed up with a monkey on his shoulder.

"Hey... don't I know you?" Homer spoke.

"Uh.. no.." The Small Italian Person spoke... how did Homer became suspicious of this little man? He was actually Milhouse wearing a fake mustache, and a hat... after all... he was Italian descent...

"Let me sing you a beautiful song for the young missy and.. the husband..." Milhouse grunted in disguise.

Milhouse began to sing an beautiful song actually... but Homer became suspicious as Milhouse sang in English with an Italian descent.

"Wait a minute. Your actually..." Homer couldn't finish the sentence as the monkey leaped off of the shoulder and began to attack Homer in the face.

He was screaming as the monkey tried to claw his eyes out while Marge just listened to Milhouse's song without even looking. As Homer was fighting the monkey, it finally let go and ran off. Homer however, fell into a puddle. Homer got up from the puddle and gave an **angry but sinister look**... just like Milhouse... this time it was Homer staring at Milhouse...

* * *

"My next test is in interests." Lisa spoke in the bowling alley with her friends.

Suddenly her friends laugh as Allison said, "We can't miss this."

"Nelson can have great interests! We just need to see what they are." She argued. "I have a topic that we both like. Football."

"You like football?" Sherry asked.

"Yeah. The interest of football came when my dad made me participate in football to see which team would win... because I was good at seeing who would win... but he made use of it in gambling... those were dark times..."

Nelson came back from the bathroom with a smile and went towards the girls.

"So what are you doing now?" Nelson wondered what they were chatting about.

"Nelson. Uh... we wondering which is your favorite team... Is it the Denver Broncos or the..."

"**Denver Broncos**!" Nelson spoke excitedly.

"Or the..."

"**I said Denver Broncos**!"

"Yes but what about..."

"**Denver Broncos**!" Nelson yelled again, completely **ignoring the other choice of team**.

Suddenly the girls were chuckling at a disappointing Lisa as Nelson failed another of her tests that he doesn't know about.

* * *

"This is a nice garden Milhouse." Marge smiled as she was walking with Milhouse across a beautiful and large public garden.

"Yeah. It was nice for mom to ask you to babysit me." Milhouse spoke.

Suddenly out of nowhere Homer walked into the conversation.

"So what are you talking about?"

"Not much. Though the blue roses here would look good for a dress I just thought of..." Marge spoke.

"Uh-huh... well I have a Frisbee." Homer pulled a Frisbee out of nowhere.

"You didn't brought a dog did you. This is a garden for the people of Springfield you know." Marge became worried as Milhouse thought that Homer was up to something.

"No. I just wanted to... Fetch Milhouse! Fetch!" Homer threw the Frisbee across the garden.

"Like that would ever work." Milhouse spoke with confidence... "Man... that Frisbee looks so wonderful!"

Milhouse went chasing the Frisbee by himself like a dog. As he did, he bumped into something.

"Hey! Who the hell are you!" A voice was heard.

"Huh? Who said that. Man, at least I just landed on some stupid sunflowers." Milhouse spoke.

"Stupid Sunflowers!" A Sunflower spoke as it suddenly shown muscles and it's anger.

Milhouse looked at a sign saying, "MUTANT MUSCULAR CURSING POPEYE SAILOR PLANTS"

Suddenly Roses, Daisy's, and Violets grew into "Popeye The Sailor Man" versions of themselves and looked at Milhouse angrily...

Several seconds later, Milhouse stepped out of the cage tired and beaten with bruises, black eyes, and other injuries as he saw Homer walking with Marge happily to the gift shop. Milhouse gave **an angry and sinister look** to Homer...

* * *

Lisa was again with her friends again and were discussing of the next secret test with Nelson.

"Okay. I'm going to put this green rotten goop which is just tissues, some food coloring, water, corn syrup, and more on my head, face, arms, and legs to look like a rash. This test will be about love over looks and..."

"Eh." All the girls spoke with a boring mood.

Suddenly Nelson came back with nachos and cheese.

"So I got all of you nachos like you wanted." Nelson spoke. "By the way, what's with the rash."

"I don't feel so well..." Lisa coughed. "I need to go to the hospital tomorrow but I believe your Denver Bronco's Program is also coming... I need someone to visit me and..."

"Don't worry. I'll bully someone to visit you so you won't be alone. I get to watch my program. Everyone wins!" Nelson said. "Oh. I think I left my hotdog at the counter."

As Nelson left, Lisa grunted in anger that Nelson spoke that.

"Errr... I still have one more test left... Just one more freaking test left..." Lisa spoke.

* * *

Marge was walking on the sidewalk happily across the streets of Springfield as goods things were happing to her but this was because unfortunate things had great effect on a nerdy wimp and a fat moron...

"Hi Ms. Simpson! I got you a gift!" Milhouse spoke, handing Marge a gift.

Suddenly Homer came into the conversation and said, "Here Honey. I gave you a better gift."

"Why thank you... but there six DVDs of The Incredible Hulk in each gift. I just need one." Marge spoke, wondering why there were six copies, all the same.

"Oh. The store clerk said you can get one free if you buy five of them." Homer showed five of his fingers and one index finger.

"Well she likes my gift the most." Milhouse spoke.

"There the same gift." Marge sighed.

"Uh.. uh.. Monkey! Attack!" Milhouse ordered and suddenly out of nowhere, a monkey jumped out of a green bush of someone's lawn.

The Monkey began to scratch Homer's teeth out again but before he could, Homer grabbed the monkey and kicked him into the sky as far as it could.

* * *

In the sky, the monkey was scared for his own life until it crashed landed into Moe's Tavern causing loud wrecks, thundering sounds, and beer spilling.

The monkey felt dizzy but he could see what was going on and didn't liked it as he just saw Moe, Barney, Carl, Lenny, and Stephen Hawking cracking there knuckled in rage and pulling up their sleeves. It was an old fashion Bar fight...

"Oooh Aahh Hhee Hhee..." The Monkey chuckled in worry.

"LET'S GET HIM BOYS... BEEP..." Stephen Hawking spoke.

Several seconds later... the screams and pain of a Monkey was heard due to the Beer Spilling...

* * *

Meanwhile, Homer was getting ready to punch Milhouse in the nose as Milhouse was ready to use a sledgehammer on Homer.

"Stop! Stop you two! What's going on anyway?" Marge said.

"This pipsqueak here is..."

"It's nothing mom!" Bart stepped into the conversation. "He was uh.. jealous of Homer. Yeah that's right!"

"But why was he giving me gifts and flowers?" Marge asked.

"Oh because... he's uh... gay and you know how gays can befriend a woman easier than straight guys?" Bart spoke.

"What?" Milhouse yelled.

"Oh... well okay than." Marge spoke. "Come on Homer. I baked Chicken Casserole in the oven."

As Marge and Homer left, Milhouse suddenly felt saddened.

"... I'll never find the girl for me..." Milhouse sat on the lonely ground of the cracked sidewalk.

Suddenly Bart sighed and said, "Sure you will Milhouse... **just with lower standards and ugly**..."

"You really think so!" Milhouse smiled.

"Yes you will!"

"Than I will try to rekindle my love for Lisa then!" Milhouse spoke cheerfully.

"Hey. That's not what I meant. I meant lower standards and more ugly to the face." Bart said.

"Whatever Bart. Let's just go home." Milhouse said. "I'm glad that you didn't tell that lie of me being gay to other people still."

"Uh.. I might have **spread a rumor or two**..." Bart spoke. "You might want to also get some protection equipment when you go to school... you're going to deal with the bullies and the teacher's as well..."

"Oh man..." Milhouse sighed in disappointment.

* * *

Lisa, Allison, Janie, Sherry and Terry were all at the living room to discuss about the final test.

"Okay. I already put the last test into effect. Nelson has to take care of one egg and that's all. It's that simple." Lisa spoke.

"I guess so... Even a buffoon like him should know that all he had to do is take care of an egg." Janie said.

"Yeah... Anyway we should head to the 'Pro Cafe'. I hear it's very popular at our age." Terry spoke.

"Yeah. I've been there. They have Wi-Fi, a flat-screen TV, and they sometimes show a few concerts there." Lisa spoke.

"Okay than... but first I have to get my History Book I left in the basement." Allison spoke.

* * *

Allison entered the basement to see it still have an rusty old couch and an old small TV bun also stood there seeing Nelson and Handy throwing the egg to each other... as a form of the game, catch.

"Uh.. Your suppose to take care of that egg... what are you doing?" Allison asked.

"Tossing this egg around for fun." Nelson answered as he threw the egg to Handy.

"Don't you think it will **crack open and spill all over the floor**?" Allison spoke.

"Of course. It will **crack open** when we throw it at Mr. Burns's face. He's so old it might kill him." Nelson spoke as he catch the egg in the palm of his hand.

"Man, you are going to fail on Lisa's test." Allison crossed her arms.

"Test?" Nelson threw the egg to Handy.

"Hrmm... Well... this was actually suppose to be a secret but... Lisa is testing to see if you can be a good boyfriend again." Allison spoke.

"Wait? What?" Nelson finally came to his senses.

"She gave you four tests and you already failed three. She says you're going to at least need one right and this is the last one!" Allison explained.

"Oh man... Handy! Can you give me the egg!" He asked in a serious voice.

"Oh sure. Catch." Handy "accidently" threw the egg towards the wall as he sarcastically said, "Woops."

Nelson just stood there as Allison giggled at what just happened.

"Handy! I thought you were my friend!" Nelson yelled.

"Hey. I am your friend man."

"Than why did you threw it at the wall!" He complained.

"For fun and laughs." He answered.

"Yeah, it was **kind of funny** and... Oh no! You're not playing that trick on me again."

"What trick? You mean the one about funs and laughs?" He spoke.

"Heh heh... that was **kind of funny**." Nelson chuckled.

"Works every time..." Handy thought with a chuckle as well...

* * *

Nelson was at the "Pro Cafe" store as he was told by Allison that Lisa would be here... and that he held another egg in his hand. The boy spotted Lisa and her friends drinking soda as they were watching a Malibu St000acy Commercial on the Flat Screen TV.

Nelson walked towards the table and said, "Uh... Hello Lisa."

"Hello Nelson... wait? How did you know I was here? You were suppose to meet me at my house." Lisa spoke.

"Uh.. I guess it's just my senses." Nelson spoke.

"Uh-huh... well... where's my name on the egg?" Lisa spoke.

"Well.. uh.. Eggbert took a nice hot bath."

"Eggbert?" Lisa spoke.

"That's Eggbert's name. Ain't that right little Eggbert?" Nelson spoke to the egg. "Well... I have to... see if one of my friends are here."

"Okay." Lisa smiled.

As Nelson left, Lisa spoke, "Well... he can be a great parent at least. Still... I need to think about it and... uh Allison?"

"What?" Allison spoke.

"Is that a school picture of Handy sticking out of your back pack?" Lisa spoke.

"What? Uh.. no!" Allison nervously put the picture back into the bag.

"Huh... the picture says his full name is Arthur Bryan Hagen... No wonder why he likes to be called Handy so much. Arthur Hagen is such a nerdy name." Sherry said.

Suddenly all the other girls agreed that Handy's real name was so nerdy at a point that they didn't feel like calling him Handy at all...

"Still guys... should I date Nelson again... maybe I need a sign from God..." She spoke.

* * *

Nelson came back to another table of Pro Cafe where Bashir and Handy sat.

"Hello Bashir. Hello 'Artie Hagen'." Nelson spoke.

"Arthur Hagen? Where did you heard that?" Handy grunted angrily.

"Never mind that... heh heh... Arthur. Sounds like a teacher's name..."

"Yeah, well that was good to say that Eggbert took a **hot** shower." Bashir spoke.

"I really did showered him and he tasted so good with salt..." Nelson spoke as they were peels of an egg on the table.

"Oh. You boiled the egg... I get it now." Bashir spoke.

As the three guys were chatting, Lisa and her friends went to their table.

"Hi guys." Lisa spoke.

"Heh.. Arthur.." Terry laughed at the name as Handy grunted again.

"Yeah.. well.. me and my friends are going to the Kwik-E-Mart. You guys want to come?" Lisa asked.

"Sure!" Nelson said.

* * *

Lisa, Nelson, Janie, Allison, Sherry and Terry, Bashir, and Handy all walked out of the Pro Cafe Store and were on the tiny parking lot where a small truck of gasoline stood by.

"Man that smells." Sherry looked at the truck of gasoline.

"Don't worry. I'll get rid of the truck." Nelson spoke.

The group looked at Nelson as he walked to the driver's seat, the door was unlocked for some reason so he easily sat in the vehicle.

"Hmm... Let's try out that horn... horn..." Nelson looked everywhere... but he didn't notice one action he did...

His arm pushed the lever away from "Park". Suddenly the truck slowly moved by itself as Nelson noticed something.

"Nelson! Get out of there!" Lisa yelled.

Nelson jumped out of the truck as it began to pick up speed due to a hill nearby. Later the group watched as the truck of gasoline began to pick more and more speed until they could not see it no longer as it was far away.

"Eh... nothing bad happened right?" Bashir spoke.

Suddenly the group saw a far away but large explosion...

"Oh my god!" Lisa said.

"What?" All the kids spoke.

"This is a sign from God! God doesn't want us to be with each other!" Lisa said.

"Uh.. wait? What?" Nelson spoke.

"God doesn't want us to be with each other!" She smiled. "Come on! Let's go to the Malibu Stacy Store!"

The three dudes watched as the girls walked off into the sunset as Nelson just stood there miserable.

"Don't worry Nelson. You'll find a girl for you. Say, let me cheer you up."

"What can cheer me up?" A saddened Nelson spoke.

"I don't know. Maybe an certain Arthur?"

"Haw Haw! Your real name is nerdish!" Nelson spoke.

"Errr..." Handy became frustrated of his real name.

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"Okay! Who sent you!" Lenny asked.

"We know you took the lives of our beer!" Barney spoke.

"You better talk if you don't want your bones broken!" Moe spoke.

"Not talking eh?" Carl spoke.

"OOH! AHH! OOH! AHH!" The Monkey screamed for help.


	46. A Whacky Funeral

(READ THIS), Just a reminder not all jokes will be highlighted, but most of them will. Sometimes important scenes will be highlighted that has nothing to do with jokes and Clancy Bouvier's name will be changed to Grandpa Bouvier.

* * *

Opening Scene: Matt Groening himself flies in the skies.

Billboard Gag Scene: "We Offer Surgeries, cheap and maybe even free!" Dr. Nick spoke on the Billboard.

Chalkboard Gag Scene: "I will not suggest to invade other countries. I will not suggest to invade other countries. I will not suggest to invade other countries."

Couch Gag Scene: The Couch is on a sandy beach style floor within the house. The Simpsons run to the couch however, Homer is in a extremely large swimming trunks, Marge is in a Bikini Swimming Suit, Bart is also in smaller swimming trunks, Lisa is in the common type of female swimsuits (called a Tank suit), and Maggie is in a Athletic Swimsuit. As they run to the couch as volley ball hits Homer right in the head.

Story 43 Synopsis: The Simpsons and Bouviers attend a funeral as a certain person rejects certain emotions...

* * *

The house of The Simpsons was hosting a small party in the middle of the night.

"This blows. Where's the breaking, dancing, and jugging contest?" Bart spoke angrily with Lisa as the whole party was mostly made up of adults chatting with a few drinks...

"Bart. This is an adult party. Not one of your kid parties." Lisa replied, as she is tired of Bart's behavior as always.

"Hey kids. What are you up to?" Homer came to the two kids with a drink in his hand.

"How come your not with mom or some of your friends?" Bart asked.

"Eh... none of these people are my friends. There Marge's, Patties, Selma's, Grandpa Bouvier, Grandma Bouvier's friends." Homer replied. "Also, I came over here because of your grandma and mother. Out of the all the people, she's as twice as annoying as Patty and Selma. I don't even see the reason why Marge planned this party..."

"I don't see any surprise in that." Bart sighed, and walked off.

"Yeah. This party really does blows though..." Lisa sighed as well and walked off.

Homer sighed too as he had nothing to do in this party as he was more into Bachelor Parties instead of Mature Organized Parties... he wondered why he was even in here when he could be at **Moe's** and...

"That's it! **Moe's!** Thank You Voice in My Head!" Homer spoke to the Narrator, breaking the fourth wall again.

"Attention! Attention Everyone!" Marge yelled out for the party guests attentions.

"Well... I could find out what's this party about first before I go to Moe's..." Homer thought.

"Okay! But make it quick." Homer's Liver spoke.

Homer watched Marge as Grandpa and Grandma Bouvier joined together as they were holding hands with smiles.

"My dad and mom have been divorced after my father tried to... kill himself on a roller coaster... due to marrying Homer... but now they thought this through and they're getting remarried!" Marge smiled with joy.

Suddenly the party guests were clapping and smiling for the elderly couple with their own joy as well, some even having a tear in their eye... everyone but Homer Simpson as Homer and the Bouvier Family, except Marge, had their differences...

"Okay! Now we know! Now let's get back to killing me, the liver, with beer!" Homer's Liver spoke.

"Don't forget about us!" Homer's Brain Cell spoke.

"And Us!"

"And me!"

"And don't forget about Brain Cell 36"

"Your all great and wise organs and cells**. I wish I could kill all of you with beer**." Homer said to his Brain Cells and Liver.

"**Aww**... we wish we could do the same thing to you, Homer." The Brain Cells and Liver spoke.

* * *

Homer was about to enter his car after the party was over until Marge stopped him.

"Homer. Can you please send my mother to home please." Marge spoke as Jacqueline came looking at Homer with no regard in the world.

"Jeeze... I don't know... I have to go to Moe's because..."

"This fat blob can't even help an old lady go home. Boy scouts are tougher than you from running all the way to reaching their toes." Jacqueline grunted.

"What's happening here?" Grandpa Bouvier entered the conversation.

"Oh nothing." Marge answered.

"Yeah. See ya Jacqueline. I'm gonna get some bologna."

"Love you Clancy B." She replied with a kiss on his cheap.

"Eh... fine... I'll take her to home as long as you stop all this old people kissing." Homer grunted.

* * *

Homer was angrily driving the car to Jacqueline's home as Jacqueline kept on arguing about Homer's way of driving.

"Your using your right foot too much! Can't you drive with two hands instead of one? I wonder how you even got a license for driving!" Jacqueline yelled.

"What are you? A Jewish Wife?" Homer angrily spoke.

"At least Jewish people have been shown to have higher rate of intelligence in charts and polls than you." She replied.

"Okay! You know what!" Homer started to yell. "Your just one of those old skanks who wants to make fun of other people just to feel good! Why don't you do the world a favor and be **dead** already!"

Homer started to drive again angrily but suddenly wondered why Jacqueline did not respond and saw her sleeping.

"Well... at least she won't be bugging me while she's dreaming..." Homer said.

Suddenly Jacqueline **fell** to Homer's shoulder.

"Okay. Knock it off Ms. Bouvier... Ms Bouvier?" Homer noticing that Jacqueline's cheeks on his shoulder felt cold.

Suddenly he stopped the car immediately with his foot too fast, **causing** Jacqueline's **head to bump** into the front window and **fall back** to the chair.

"Oh man..." Homer said.

"Looks like you're in big trouble..." Homer's Brain Cell spoke.

Suddenly Homer's phone rang in the middle of the night... He quickly grabbed the phone and check to see who is it in worry, fear, and nervous...

"Uh.. he..hello?" A scared Homer spoke.

"I know what you did..." A Voice was heard.

"M...M... Moe? Is that you?" Homer said as his fear suddenly disappeared.

"Oh. Uh. Hi Homer. Wrong number. Thought this was Mr. Burns for destroying my bar!" Moe spoke angrily.

"AWW! The bar is destroyed?" Homer whined.

"Yeah... but don't worry. It'll get it fixed in three weeks. Luckily I manage to pay my insurance this time." Moe spoke.

"Three weeks? Man, my liver wants beer, my mom-in-law is dead, and the bar is destroyed!" Homer spoke.

"What was the second one?" Moe asked, wanting to hear what Homer just said before.

"Uh.. my liver wants beer.." Homer answered with a lie.

"Huh.. usually the liver doesn't like alcohol."

"Well this one does! It's growling like a dog right now." Homer said.

"**GRRRRRR!**" Homer's Liver became threatening...

* * *

It was morning and Homer was playing catch with Bart and Lisa on the front lawn.

"Your turn Lisa." Bart spoke.

"Okay Lisa! Here's catch number 7!" Homer yelled began to threw the ball to her young daughter.

However, Homer threw it a little stronger and farther causing Lisa to run backwards to catch it. Instead the ball hit Lisa right on her head saying, "Ow!" causing her to bump into the car as well and fell to the floor on her bottom.

"That really hurts..." Lisa stood up, rubbing her forehead.

The nine-year old girl turned around seeing someone **still **in Homer's car, in **morning**.

"Uh.. why is Grandma sleeping in here? Did she got kicked out of her home?" Lisa asked.

"**Nope. She's just dead**." Homer answered it **like it was just a normal day**.

Lisa and Bart just looked at Homer as if something was wrong.

"**She's really dead**." Homer answered again like **it was another normal day at the park**.

"WHAT?" Bart and Lisa yelled. "You left her in the car at **nighttime to morning** as a corpse!"

"You should talk to Mom! Patty! Selma! Clancy Bouvier especially the most!" Lisa argued.

"Oh hell no! I'm not talking to Grandpa Bouvier! Do you know what his nine emotional stages are?" Homer spoke. "**Clancy Bouvier's nine emotional stages are, mad, angry, furious, rage, violence, outrage, pissed off, double times the fury, and shotgun massacre angry.**"

As they were arguing about the situation, Milhouse came by on the sidewalk and to the three Simpsons.

"Hi Mr. Simpson, Hi Bart, and a special hello to Lisa." Milhouse said made googly eyes to Lisa.

"Back off." Lisa responded.

"Anyway, I left my Krusty The Klown Tickets in Mr. Simpsons car after that last pickup from school." Milhouse spoke as he went near the car.

"Uh.. Milhouse.. I don't think you should go there." Bart said.

"Don't worry. It's just the car and your Grandma inside." Milhouse said as he was now next to the car.

Instead of entering through the door, he entered through the windows door, trying to reach the tickets in the glove compartment as he was on the corpse.

"Can you move your head Marge's Mom, I'm trying to get the..."

"Milhouse. She's dead."

"WHAT! WHAT'S THE 'BLEEP!' IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Milhouse quickly got out of the car. "OF MY 'BLEEP' GOD! I WAS ON A DEAD 'BLEEP' WOMAN!"

"Huh. What do you know. Milhouse can curse out loud. All you need is someone dead to touch him." Bart said.

The three Simpsons now saw Milhouse screaming out, "AHHHHHHH!" as he looked at his own hands, the same ones that touched the corpse. Milhouse quickly ran away from the car as far as he can, screaming.

"Well.. that was certainly awkward." Lisa said.

"Still Homer. You need to talk to Marge, her older sisters, and Grandpa Bouvier about this you know!" Bart spoke.

"Oh.. fine.. Let me just get the **football helmet**." Homer spoke, for protection... after all Grandpa Bouvier is known to have some ass-kicking in his days...

* * *

Homer entered the kitchen area of the house as he saw Marge cooking eggs joyfully, Patty and Selma reading the newspapers to search for cheap products with surprise in there looks, and Clancy Bouvier reading a War Biography Book as he complained about the way it was wrote.

"Uh.. um.." Homer stood, not knowing what to stay.

"Oh look. It's the bumbling idiot again." Selma spotted the fat man.

"You know... Sometimes I think that my mother can be a bit of an evil witch, no offense." Marge finished cooking the eggs.

"Don't worry. We all have our thoughts of how our mother is great but also have thoughts of her great negative side of her." Selma said. "When she drinks, she literally becomes an insane hag of the 80's." She spoke.

"Uh.. I think your being a little too hard on Ms. Bouvier.." Homer scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah. Well? What did she say after you left her at her place?" Grandpa Bouvier asked.

"Uh.. **small breathless words...**" Homer responded.

"Yeah, well anyway. The wedding is tomorrow and I called everyone... including my emotional cousin Kyle... man... he's such an idiot."

"You know... I think that wedding is going to turn out to be a funeral..." Homer spoke.

"Uh why?" Marge asked.

"You know... **the strangest thing just happened to me last night**..." He spoke.

* * *

The Simpsons and Bouvier's were all at Homer's car and Grandpa Bouvier had one thing to say...

"Okay. Here's what I don't get at all... Why the hell did you left her corpse in the car until morning!" Grandpa Bouvier asked.

"Uh..." Homer had no answer

"I should kick your ass for leaving her there... but now I need to call everyone about the bad news. Looks like there is going to be a funeral." Grandpa Bouvier grunted.

"Huh? I thought he would go berserk." Homer said to himself.

"It's just so sad that ma had to die." Marge spoke sadly.

"Yes. I know." Selma looked at the dead body sadly too.

"Didn't you three just called her a **witch and a old hag**?" Homer asked.

* * *

Homer sat down at the couch with his kids in the living room feeling horrible of what he's done.

"Man, what am I gonna do! They're going to kill me if they find out how she really died..." Homer bit his fingernails repeatedly.

"Homer, man. It's not your fault... but what did you told them instead of a rude talk in front of grandma?" Bart asked.

"I said that Russian Mobsters beat her to death." Homer spoke.

"Uh-huh..." Lisa said. "Still, you need to tell them the whole truth! Talk with them completely!"

"No way! Do you know who one of those Bouvier's is. It's my father-in-law and he killed a man in three wars! Three Wars I say! In fact, he still likes to kill animals with a gun in hunting and he's proud of it when he's holding a gun! I bet somewhere he has a gun." He yelled. "You know what I need. An **icy cold fresh jug of beer**..."

"Beer? You need to have a talk with them and..." Lisa spoke for moment only to get interrupted by someone else.

"Hey Homer! You want to get **wasted** at Moe's?" Barney entered the living room.

"See! Best friend over there! He understands about my wife's mother's death!" Homer said.

"Marge's mom is dead?" Barney Gumble spoke. "I'm so sorry for what happened... I mean, **she was so hot back than**... let's get **drunk to shatter your guilt**."

* * *

The family members of the Bouvier Family all sat at the kitchen table as Grandpa Bouvier was making some calls on the phone of the wall.

"Well that's everyone." Grandpa Bouvier hanged up the phone. "I told them the bad news. There feeling sad and that there still coming to the funeral. All of them."

"It's so sad how that happened..." Marge said. "Don't you feel sad dad?"

"Eh. The only thing I feel is anger and drunkenness because of her death. Speaking of drunk, I feel like getting a beer." Clancy Bouvier spoke as he left the kitchen.

"Men. Always getting a beer instead of expressing their emotions..." Selma lighted a cigar.

"Yeah, well we better get ready for today's funeral..." Patty spoke. "And were going there early for the seats."

"Yeah but has dad ever.. well.. felt like crying?" Marge asked.

"No one has ever seen him cried. He's too stubborn and angry to do so. Not even a tear." Selma answered.

* * *

The Family entered the First Church of Springfield seeing many Bouvier family members.

"Man, suddenly you have a wedding of cheerful people and now a funeral filled with people of despair and gloominess." Bart spoke.

"Hey? Why the heck are Bart's friends doing here? This is family not some sleepover!" Grandpa Bouvier became angry as he saw Milhouse, Nelson, Handy and Ralph in a rabbit costume instead of a suit. "Let's just get this funeral started for pity sake..."

* * *

The Simpsons and Bouvier's were now at the front seats as Reverend Lovejoy stood next to the open coffin where Jacqueline's corpse is.

"Jacqueline Bouvier was a good woman, a good mother, a good wife, and a smoker. Yet even now she is still with us today and that..."

"Can we get this over already!" Homer yelled at the priest as everyone was looking at him.

* * *

Now it was a time where people say how they feel about Jacqueline's death... with unexpected thoughts, the first one was Homer who stood by her coffin and looked at the corpse.

"Ms. Bouvier... I know that you died because of how shock you were of what I said but... **please don't haunt me!** **I promise I'll be good and that I won't be a pig and that I won't be a slob and... Ooh! Cake! Better rush though that line though**" Homer ran away from the corpse and to the cake.

Marge stood by Jacqueline's coffin and decided to give her own thoughts.

"I know that you started to **hate** Homer for marrying me... in fact you **hated my friends, my acquaintances, my doctor, teachers, the celebrities I love**... but uh... please be kind to God." Marge thought.

Marge left and Bart was now standing beside the coffin.

"**Eh. I've seen better funerals than this**." Bart thought.

Bart left calmly and Lisa now stood beside the coffin.

"Poor Grandma... **Now who will make me homemade blueberry pie the way I like it now?**" Lisa thought.

Suddenly Handy stood beside the coffin with a smile.

"Man... **why are they just going to leave that diamond necklace there? Maybe I can steal it before anyone... Damn... Can't do it**." Handy thought as he left.

As Handy left, Ralph came to the coffin. However he was surprised and dropped his **lollipop **in the coffin.

"**Why is there a body in here**?" A Scared Ralph thought.

He suddenly ran away screaming as Clancy Bouvier stood beside the coffin.

"Jacqueline. We haven't talk much during our divorced years that we... **Oh for pity sake**." Grandpa Bouvier thought.

Grandpa Bouvier looked back at the Bouvier Family, The Simpsons, and Bart's friends and said, "Who left a **lollipop** in my her eye?"

* * *

Several people of the funeral began to leave as it was finally over, Clancy Bouvier and his daughters stayed though for a little while.

"Hi Mr. Bouvier." Nelson said. "So uh... **Great Wedding** we have here but why was everyone seemed sad?"

"This is a **funeral, moron**." Grandpa Bouvier spoke.

Nelson began to left with hurted feelings because of Mr. Bouvier calling him simply a moron and then Ralph came.

"**I'm a bunny rabbit**!" Ralph smiled in his bunny costume.

"Sure you are... and I'm King of The Brains calling you a **The Rabbit King, king of the rabbits who get shot all day during open season.**" Grandpa Bouvier spoke with a mean-hearted voice.

Ralph left with a smile not affected by his words, and then Handy came.

"Man, sorry for your wife's death... also... **I'm sorry for Nelson and Ralph being born as idiots**." Handy answered that Grandpa Bouvier had to agree with.

As Handy left, Milhouse came to Clancy Bouvier.

"Mr. Bouvier. There's always a time to say that the will of a strong mother's love will live on with you at all times." Milhouse spoke.

Suddenly one of the men were crying in front of Milhouse due to that emotional sentence he spoke.

"Milhouse. Have you ever met my **female** cousin Hutch?" Grandpa Bouvier refereeing to the **crying emotional** man.

* * *

The Simpsons and Bouvier's, along with Bart's friends, were carrying boxes of Jacqueline's property into the house as some of it was found useful while others found themselves sold at the internet.

"Hey Bart." Handy spoke looking through one box.

"What?" Bart asked.

"**Do you have pornographic pictures of your grandma**?" He asked.

"No?" Bart became confused.

"**Well you do now**!" Handy handed him a box of pictures to Bart.

"Oh man... why, why, why?" Bart threw the box into the trashcan.

As Bart and Handy went to their own houses, Homer grabbed a box of family photos.

"Man, this is quite heavy for just flat pictures. Woops. Dropped one picture." Homer spoke as he dropped a picture in a frame on the floor.

He carefully placed the box onto the floor and picked up the picture frame.

"Aww... it's their wedding day..." Homer looked at the picture frame and saw Clancy Bouvier and Jacqueline Bouvier together in a suit and wedding dress.

As he looked at the picture frame, he noticed a brown pointy tip of paper sticking out of the frame.

"What's this?" Homer pulled the pointy tip of paper out. "It's a note about the old couple together, there family, and... I should get this to Grandpa Bouvier... maybe some other time... I mean he's never been sad so I guess I should give it at the proper time. I mean, a talk about family, his deathbed, fishing trips, who knows?"

* * *

Marge was in the kitchen drinking coffee as Patty and Selma were reading the newspaper.

"Where's dad? Shouldn't he be back from the bank by now to get his stuff?" Marge took another sip.

"What you didn't notice? He already came back." Selma spoke.

"Hrmm... why am I the last one to know these things?" Marge crossed her arms. "I'm going down to the basement to pick the laundry. You can help by folding the clothes if you want."

"Nah. Were perfectly sitting here reading about 2 cents for bread." Patty spoke.

"Okay..." Marge grunted.

* * *

Marge was holding an empty basket for clothes from the laundry machine as she was about to enter the basement. Before she could even touch the door knob, she heard **mumbling and grunting** inside...

"Huh? Hmm..." Marge slowly opened the door.

She took a peek inside to see her father at a wooden desk playing with action figures under a single lamp. She looked at him a little more closely and saw him sobered, a loose tie, messy hair, and unshaved and heard him talking about action figures and... his own life.

"There's 1944 Radioactive man.. and beating the crap out of his evil twin.. yep.. and he saves the gal... the hero always gets the girl... and they live off.. on a.. long lasting love, **no divorces, no weddings turning into funerals, no faking there death for a stupid reason to even cause a divorce...** Yep.." Grandpa Bouvier said. "There goes the lady in distress... but this super hero will save you... because.. **he loves the lady unlike me... getting drunk every morning... always expressing anger everyday... I.. I... miss her...**"

Suddenly Grandpa Bouvier **bam his head** to the table angrily and laid the side of his left cheek on the wooden flat part of the table with a **tear** falling from his right eye.

Marge slowly closed the door and spoke, "**Oh my...** "

* * *

Marge quickly ran back to the kitchen and said, "Guess what."

"What?"

"Dad is feeling strongly sad right now. I think someone should talk to him." Marge spoke.

"Uh.. no thanks.. he's kind of a brute still... so uh... um... how about you do it?" Selma asked.

"I can't do it because um.. uh.. he's kind of.. a brute.. like you said."

Suddenly Homer came in and said, "So what's going on?"

The three sisters looked at Homer knowing what to do.

"Homer. Can you do some things for me?" Marge asked.

"Uh.. sure? What is it?"

"Can you um... talk to my dad about some problems he has lately?" Marge asked.

"Oh no! That guy has been humiliating me, bullying me, hurting me with words and fists, and has looked down upon me since I ever seen the guy." Homer responded.

"Oh please Homer. He's so depressed tonight. He needs someone to talk to."

"Oh.. alright... but if I don't make it out alive... **you know who did it.** " Homer spoke.

"**That's great**. I think he just now went into the living room." Marge told Homer.

* * *

Homer entered the living room and saw Clancy Bouvier surrounded by an set of Radioactive Man action figures.

"Uh.. hi.." Homer spoke.

"Yeah. Hi to you. It's hard to believe that Jacqueline still kept all of these action figures."

"What?" Homer, not knowing what he meant.

"I mean the action figures. I used to collect them all the time as a teenager than later when we were married, she took them away and said that she's going to **dump it** in the garbage. I accepted the fact and thought she really did threw them away... but I find my action figures in one of Jacqueline's boxes." Grandpa Bouvier smiled slightly.

"Yeah... she must've been a **great girl** back in your time." Homer said.

"Are you kidding me? She was **outstanding.** She could do things that no other girl at my time could do. She could dance like snow, paint like Da Vinci, and I admit she was smarter than me."

"Yeah... you must've really **loved** her."

"Uh.. yeah.. You know... before she died, she told that she **loved me**. I never told her back that I loved her. I didn't even gave a complement or even say, 'Good bye'. Instead... my last words were '**bologna'**."

"If it you makes you feel better... **my last words were, 'Why don't you do the world a favor and be dead already'**." Homer spoke calmly.

"Those were your last words? To be dead already?" Grandpa Bouvier suddenly started to become furious.

"Hold on Bouvier. Your starting to go through the nine phases of anger here..." Homer gulped.

"Nine phases of anger? Well phase one is going to be a lot of pain for you in the!... You know what." Grandpa Bouvier, still enraged, but thought about it for a sec. "Forget this crap. **YOU** are just the most despicable person I've met out of all the dumbasses I've seen. **YOU** are seriously the worst person of all and that **YOU** should do the world a favor to be dead already! **YOU** got that?"

"Uh.. um.. okay." Homer was scared of the old but strong man.

"I'm leaving to think this through and if you think you're going to talk your problems over with family? Then you got another thing coming because they're coming with me at a spa and I'm buying and guess what? You're not invited to any of it. In fact! I'll make sure that you won't even see your favorite bar, movie, snack, or ever again!" He yelled.

Grandpa Bouvier entered the kitchen seeing his three daughters and said, "Come on! Your all going to the **damn** spa. Bring your kids too." in an angry voice.

"Uh.. okay.." Marge responded.

* * *

"Man... why is it I do anything at anytime that the results always turns out bad?" Homer spoke as he lighted a cigar in his own home. "Man, Cuban Cigars. At least there's one thing Cuba is known for after becoming a glorious wealthy paradise to a downhill communist wreck."

As Homer put the lighted cigar in an ash tray he felt like sleeping on the couch.

"I just need a nap to take all this stress away. Yep. Just a nap." Homer yawned as he began to lay down on the couch and started to snore more like a lion instead of a baby. In fact, his snores didn't even sound like a lion but some kind of Blob from a monster movie.

As Homer was sleeping, he kept on moving a lot as he wanted to sleep on the couch just right, yet he moved so much that he kicked the ash tray with the lighted cigar on it.

"Uh.. there we go. Just right... Hmm... something smells like burning." Homer spoke, until he just realized something.

Homer instantly opened his eyes and saw a small fire on the floor.

"AHH! I mean uh.. uh.. Ah-ha!" Homer grabbed some curtains from the windows.

Homer quickly threw the curtains on the fire and began stomping it on the ground. Everything seemed calm as Homer said, "Woo-Hoo!"... however the **fire just got bigger as it was now burning the curtain's cloth from under**.

"DOH!" Homer said.

* * *

Later at the White House...

Barack Obama was having tea with his family in the room as he suddenly said, "Huh? Michelle? Did you said something?"

"What? No?" Michelle answered.

"Huh... I thought I heard some man causing a fire and said... **doh**?" Barack Obama spoke.

* * *

Homer was surrounded by a house of fire and said, "Oh! Why did the destruction of this house had to happened for the **36th time**..."

Suddenly huge chunks of the ceiling came falling down from the second floor and fell towards Homer as he watched. Homer now couldn't even move as the huge chunks of the ceiling were on Homer's legs.

"Help! Help! Someone help me!" Homer yelled.

* * *

Meanwhile at the White House...

"**There it is again! **I hear some man saying help now..." Barack Obama spoke.

"Oh. Will you just shut up and drink your tea!" Michelle said. "This is like the **74th time** you said that you heard some fat man's voice in your head."

* * *

Homer had a hard time seeing now as he started to feel drowsy due to the smoke. He couldn't breathe in fact due to the flames burning the oxygen.

"Man, everything I do does come up horrible." Homer thought.

"When am I going to get my beer?" Homer's Liver sighed.

"Shut up! Now's not the time." Homer thought. "Well... I guess this is the end... I always thought I would die in a long painful death but not like this!... huh? Who's that?"

Homer saw a man coming through the fires but had a hard time identifying who he is due to almost being unconscious due to suffocating from lack of oxygen around the flames. As Homer had a hard time seeing now, he saw the man removing the chunks of the ceiling off... Homer closed his eyes and opened it again to see him being carried by the man across the flames in the house... He again closed his eyes and opened it seeing himself outside of the burning house and surrounded by his loving family.

"Oh man... what happened?" Homer covered his forehead.

The house was on fire and you were in it." Marge answered. "My dad also saved you."

"Wait? What? I thought he hated me so much." Homer spoke as he looked at Grandpa Bouvier standing lonely and looking at the ground. "I did forgot something though... and it's time to return the favor!"

* * *

Homer walked towards Grandpa Bouvier as he responded, "What do you want now?"

"Why did you saved me?" Homer asked.

"Eh.. your family... that and I can't believe that you're the one who Marge and the children are depending on for paying for the bills, child support, the mortgage, pretty much everything that requires cash. Marge can do a better job than you and... eh.. well your family. Okay. That's it." Grandpa Bouvier spoke.

"Well... I uh found something in one of Jacqueline's boxes after the funeral. It's this photo I found." Homer pulled out a wedding picture that had slightly burnt corners but still in good condition.

"That's my wedding picture! I was looking for that." Grandpa Bouvier spoke with some surprise to his head.

"Also, I found this under the frame of that picture. It's a note from Jacqueline herself in the year of 1976." Homer spoke.

Grandpa Bouvier took the note and read it to himself.

_"Dear Clancy, Marge, Patty, Selma, My Aunts, Uncles, Every family member I have ever known... My three daughters have been a blessing on this Earth and raising you three was rewarding despite that Selma has had too many divorces, Patty is a lesbian, and that Marge was thinking about marrying to Homer... The rest of the family members, live on your days without me... and Clancy Bouvier... you were the best man I ever loved... no one could replaced my husband and you helped strengthen this family with not just money, a good job, but with love and a place for our children to grow up. I remembered when we met at the dance too. You were certainly a great husband and father and I loved you as equally as God's Love could reach to our hearts."_

_"- Love Jacqueline Bouvier, your Loving Wife"_

"She really is a good gal." Grandpa Bouvier smiled. "Say... you want to have a few drinks. It's on me."

"Uh.. sure.." Homer said.

Homer and Grandpa Bouvier walked off as Marge, Patty, and Selma watched.

"Aww... look at them together..." Marge said.

"I say there bond's going to **end** when Homer drinks too much." Selma answered.

* * *

It was daytime and Clancy Bouvier stood in front of an abandoned Community Center of 1950. He entered the old 1950 Community Center and said, "Man, this place is a dump. Use to hold the old War Veteran's Dance here for anyone who participated in the war. The place got burned down when me and my girl hold hands stupidly not noticing it at all... good times actually."

"We met like a bunch of drunken dumbasses. I was going to blow up the bathroom with a tiny fireworks and Jacqueline pored alcohol in the punch... accidently resulting in the fire. Huh? There's the old radio that's still here." Grandpa Bouvier spotted the dusty radio on the ground. "Kind of dusty.. hmm.. looks like it still works and has some juice in it."

Grandpa Bouvier turned on the radio and suddenly a classic song turned on of a woman's voice as parts of the song had some bits of a type of "radio lag" you might as well say.

Grandpa Bouvier began to dance slowly in the abandoned Community Center pretending that someone was in his arms. If people were here, there would be no one there in Clancy Bouvier's arms, but to Grandpa Bouvier... he saw his loving wife's spirit in his arms dancing together to the music.

"You can dance better than that..." Jacqueline's spirit spoke with smiles and joy as she held the old man's arms.

**"I love you."** Grandpa Bouvier spoke his **true last words**, as he danced with the spirit with one tear coming from the right eye.

* * *

In the Mind of Grandpa Bouvier, the Springfield of today began to transform back to the 1950's... Flat-Screen Television Sets changed into smaller wooden Television sets, the Town Hall digital clock changed into a huge wooden clock, movies of the 1950's showed up in the theater's, people's clothing's started to change, and the abandoned Community Center began to rebuild itself into a colorful place of wonders as a dance was shown up during a beautiful song held inside.

A young Clancy Bouvier, skinny but strong, appeared in a suit as he reached his hand to the woman he loved, a young Jacqueline in a wonderful pink dress. Everyone watched as well...

"May I take you for a dance?" Clancy Bouvier asked as he reached out his hand a little longer.

Jacqueline grabbed Clancy Bouvier's hand as a sign that she did wanted to dance, and suddenly the lights circled their attention to the couple who were dancing together happily as Clancy's and Jacqueline's friends watched happily and they even clapped for the two...

... In reality though... he was dancing with just a spirit in an lonely abandoned Community Center.

"Good times..." Grandpa Bouvier spoke, remembering good old 1950.

The old man put his hat on top of his head and walked out of the Community Center as tears suddenly came from both eyes now... tears... from both eyes... under the sunset...

(DEDICATED TO THE ACTUAL PEOPLE WHO PASSED AWAY ON THE TITANIC AND THE FEW SURVIVORS AS WELL... ALSO THE ENDING SCENE WAS INSPIRED BY THE MOVIE'S ENDING OF THE MOVIE, "THE TITANIC" ITSELF... LONG LIVE PEOPLE... LONG LIVE...)

* * *

(Extra Scene)

Bart and Lisa stood at Grandma Bouvier's Tombstone and said, "I'm really sorry that you died. I wish we knew you a little more." Lisa said.

"Yeah. We really wish you lived a little longer." Bart spoke.

"_Then why didn't you say anything before Bart? Why didn't you get to know me better?_" A terrible voice expression of Jacqueline was heard.

Bart and Lisa looked behind the tombstone and saw Handy sitting down with a chuckle.

"What are you doing here?" Bart asked.

"Scaring people, man. It's easy when it's a town full of idiots." Handy chuckled.


	47. Picture Day

Opening Scene: Bugs Bunny comes flying in thes sky as he says, "What's Up Doc?"

Billboard Gag: "Dial 911 For Pizza Hut!" Says an Smiling Man with a thumbs up

Chalkboard Gag: "Will they ever solve the **debt ceiling?**", "Will they ever solve the **debt ceiling?**", "Will they ever solve the **debt ceiling?**"

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch only to find the Crew of Futurama made up of Fry, Bender, Leela, Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth, Amy, Hermes, Scruffy, and even Nibbler sitting on the couch. "Who the heck are you?" Homer asked Scruffy. "I'm Scruffy... the janitor... and your new butler..."

Story 44 Summary: It's Picture Day at School and Bart and Lisa and there friends start to remember... not-so-good memories...

* * *

Two Children, Bart and Lisa stepped on school soil as children looking less dirty and more clean entered the entrance to school for a particular reason.

"Why does everyone looks so organized and neat today?" Bart asked.

"Uh.. I think that's why." Lisa said pointing towards a banner on the school that says, "SCHOOL PICTURE!"

Suddenly Milhouse came and said, "Hi Bart! You don't look ready for picture day?"

"Eh, it's just a school picture, man. I'll wear any clothes for this day. It's not really a big deal." Bart spoke.

"Yeah... I guess so... remember our first school picture?" Milhouse asked.

"Yeah." Bart smiled. "Those were **bad times**."

* * *

Bart entered the hallway with Milhouse and Lisa as Martin came to him.

"Bart. Do you still have my pencil? I lost all my other ones. I have no idea what happened to it." Martin asked.

"Eh... sure Martin." Bart handed Martin a 2# pencil from his pocket.

"Your a good friend... but not always... still... a good friend." Martin spoke.

"Whoa! Whoa! Friends? We are not friends." He said not wanting to be around a nerd as a friend.

"Sure we are. Remember the first time we met." Martin asked.

"Wait? You had another nerdy sidekick? Why haven't I heard about this!" A Jealous Milhouse argued.

"Eh... your my only wimpy sidekick. He's just delusional." Bart claimed.

"Delusional? I remember the whole thing when we met." Martin spoke.

Don't remind me... at all..." Bart sighed.

* * *

A Six-Year Old Bart Simpson was about to enter the front door of his house until another boy at the same age came running after him, being exhausted of breath.

"Wait! Wait.. How can you walk so fast that I can't catch up." Six-Year Old Martin asked.

"What do you want now?" Bart sighed.

"I lost all my pencils. I don't know how it happened but it just did. Do you have a spare?" Martin asked.

"Uh.. sure.." Bart handed him a toy pencil from his pocket.

Suddenly Marge came to the two.

"Hello Bart and who do we have here?" Marge smiled at the other child.

"I'm Martin." Martin said.

"Martin? I see you made a friend Bart." Marge said.

"Wait? Friend? No way that's going to happen with this dweeb here." Bart responded.

"Friend?" Martin looked at Bart with a desperate smile and a hand shake for him that Bart did not want to respond at all.

"Oh god... it happens to Milhouse and now this?" Bart said.

"Don't worry Bart. I have something you both can do that's fun." Marge smiled with joy.

Ten minutes later... An Angry Bart and a Joyful Martin were having a **tea party** as Bartholomew grunted in anger.

"Why do the nerds have to be desperate for friends?" Bart thought...

* * *

It was in the present and suddenly Kids were laughing at Bart as they heard how Bart and Martin first met... still, pencil disappearing? Hmm...

"Haw-Haw!" Nelson pointed at Bart.

"Hey Nelson. Remember how we met." Bart grinned.

"YOU PROMISED!" Nelson yelled back as he hesistated for a moment there, children were looking at him in fact.

"It all started at the age of six... Heh heh..." Bart chuckled.

* * *

Nelson and Bart were walking towards The Simpsons House and as they stopped at the door... Bart turned around to Nelson with a few injuries to his arm.

"Thanks Nelson for protecting me from those three bullies." Bart said.

"Yeah... still, you owe me five bucks for that bodyguard protection." Nelson said.

"Wait what? I never agreed to that!" Bart spoke out his words.

"I said, hand over the green." Nelson threatened him with his fist.

Suddenly Homer and Marge spotted the two.

"Aww... Bart made another friend... isn't it adorable that Bart makes friends each day?" Marge spoke with a smile.

"Moooooooommmm!" Bart whined.

"I'm not his friend!" Nelson whined.

"Marge. Don't embarrass the two. Let them have their fun... in... whatever they're doing." Homer spoke. "Also Bart, you owe me five bucks for the body guard protection against all those strangers in the alley."

"But I don't have the cash and I already owe another guy some cash." Bart whined.

"Well... I know what can cheer the two of you boys up..." Marge spoke.

"Oh no..." Bart thought

* * *

Bart and Nelson were angrily in a large **bubble bath** together, the piles of bubbles on the water were covering every inch of their bodies from their toes to their hair as the only thing visible were there eyes, Homer looked at the six-year olds with a sigh or two.

"I'm sorry that your mom did this to you." Homer spoke, and then left the two, Bart thinking that he may want a beer or just wanted to watch TV... or both.

"If you dare tell anyone about how we met than I will totally kill you." Nelson spoke.

* * *

It was the present now and people were laughing at Nelson.

"Well, **now I have to kill you**." Nelson angrily held his fist.

"Uh.. guys... do you know where my pencils are. They suddenly disappeared." Lisa interrupted Nelson's bullying with Bart as she searched through the back pack.

"Why should I know?" Bart asked as the bell rang. "Well... time to go."

* * *

Bart and his classmates entered there home classroom or Social Studies/ History/ Geography as Edna Krabappel watched with no spark of happiness in the world.

"I wonder what went wrong when I started to teach children?" Edna Krabappel asked herself. "Could it be the coffee... maybe my liking for strong or handsome men... or is it because I just can't find the perfect guy."

"Hi Ms. K." Bart said.

"Eh.. Sit down Bart... Still, what could've change my life to rubble, anger, sadness, and... err... misery..." Ms. K spoke. "Could it be Seymour Skinner... no... it was before I dated that living-with-her mother jerk... what went wrong?"

* * *

Years ago, A Proud Edna Krabappel stood in her classroom in joy and happiness as she spoke with confidence during the American Anthem appearing on the speakers of the wall.

"**I swear that I will never let down a student no matter what it takes. If he or she succeeds! Than my job is done! If he or she fails! Then it's my job to help that child succeed so he or she could become a policeman, a doctor, a scientist, what his or her dream wants to be! If they have problems! I will change their ways to make sure they can become the perfect student! If they have issues with their parents! I will talk to them to see what's wrong or even become a parental figure myself! Even if they are born to be seen as a wrong, ungrateful, horrible punk! I will change that! Because I am Edna Krabappel! No student will fail my class!**" She yelled.

**"Hi! I'm Bart Simpson." Bart appeared to Ms. Krabappel.**

* * *

"Oh yeah... **never give up on a student**... that didn't turn out so well on Bart Simpson..." Edna sighed.

As Bart was about to take his seat suddenly Todd spoke, "Hi Bart!"

"Eh... Hello Todd..." Bart sighed, not wanting to see the young devout Christian.

"Anyway, it's strange because my pencils have been missing and I need a new one. Do you have at least one pencil, Bart?" Todd asked.

"No doofus. Man, how did I met a dork like you anyway? Plus weren't you suppose to be in fourth grade by now?" Bart spoke as he was a fifth grader.

"Yeah but my teacher ran out of pencils so I came here." Todd spoke

* * *

Homer and Marge were walking on the street to Ned Flanders House with their three year old son Bart. Why? To greet them of course.

"Man, I'm glad we got out of that apartment and moved into a peaceful house. Those neighbors were stupid and annoying." Homer complained.

"Why Hi there diddly Neighborino!" Ned walked out of a large bush.

"Hiding in Bushes? Way too organized clothes? Diddly? **OH CRAP**!" Homer spoke as he thought this neighbor too would be annoying.

"Come out there boys! The neighbors are here!" Ned called out his two sons.

Rodd and Todd appeared out of the bushes and said, "Hi there diddly friendorino!"

"Bushy Hairstyle? Diddly? Friendorino? **OH MAN! WHY**?" Bart yelled to the sky.

"Oh yeah. You should meet the wife." Ned said. "Maude! We got visitors!"

Suddenly Maude stepped out of the green bush and said, "Hello there diddly female Neighborino!"

Suddenly Homer and Bart looked at Marge waiting for her to **say something**... instead she just stood there wondering why they were looking at her.

"Uh.. why were you all hiding in that one bush?" Homer asked.

"Why it's for hide and seek!" Ned said with a joyful voice.

"Altogether in the **same one bush**?" Homer spoke.

"Yep! That **way everyone can find everyone**!" Ned said.

"Oh man... this does not look good." Homer thought.

* * *

It was the present and Bart suddenly did not want to ever hear that again...

"I never want to remember that memory again..." Bart thought.

"Kind of stupid memory if you ask... well anyone." Nelson spoke.

* * *

In Lisa's Classroom, Ms. Hoover hasn't entered the classroom yet, so the children began to chat about past memories...

"So uh... what are you going to put your quote down for picture day?" Janie asked her classmates.

"I don't know. Still haven't thought of it... I want it to mean something to the other classmates..." Lisa spoke. "Something like education, life, or... well whatever's good."

"Hey? I'm just asking but how did you two ever became friends anyway?" Allison asked.

"Uh..." Lisa suddenly had a flashback.

* * *

A six year old Janie was in the middle of a triangle of three older female bullies tossing her backpack around at the school playground.

"Come on, little baby. Get the bag!" One of the bullies spoke tossing the bag to the second bully.

"Get the bag little baby!" Another of the bullies spoke as she tossed the bag to the third bully.

"Give it back! Give it back!" Janie whined.

Suddenly a voice was heard saying, "Hey! Cut it out!"

The three bullies and Janie looked where it came from and saw an six-year old Lisa with an saxophone standing up to the three older girls.

"Another little baby eh? This won't take long..." The three bullies grinned.

Minutes later, Lisa and Janie were locked inside of an really small locker together.

"Man... I really really hate Monday's..." Lisa sighed.

"Thanks for standing up for those bullies." Janie spoke with echoes.

"Really? You didn't got your backpack and were still locked in here." Lisa said.

"Yeah... but someone will eventually come for us and I usually get my back pack anyway... usually through my Grandpa's hobby of hunting children with a branch and then draw on their faces when there unconscious..."

"Oh... I'm Lisa. Nice to meet you!" Lisa spoke.

"I'm Janie. Nice to meet you too Lisa!" Janie spoke.

* * *

It was the present and Sherry said, "So wait? You befriended Janie with in a locker? That seems kind of... not much of a surprise actually."

"Yeah... by the way? Have someone seen my pencils lately?" Allison asked.

"Nope. Not at all. Let's talk about more about memories." Lisa spoke.

"Hey speaking of memories... how did Milhouse fall in love with you, Lisa?" Terry asked.

"Eh... I think it began like this..." Lisa spoke.

* * *

Eight-Year Old Bart and Milhouse were standing in the living room playing with Radioactive Man Action Figures.

"Man, this is the coolest." Bart spoke.

"Yeah..." Milhouse said.

Suddenly Marge came into the living room as she held little six-year old Lisa in her hands and said, "Bart. Play with your sister. She's getting lonely."

"Oh.. why?" Bart whined.

"She's only made one friend and you made tons." Marge spoke.

"But those aren't my friends! There just a bunch of..."

"PLAY. WITH. YOUR. LITTLE. SISTER!" Marge spoke angrily to Bart, scaring him all the way as a frightened little kitty...

"Umm... okay..." Bart spoke.

"Good." Marge put Lisa on the floor near the action figures.

As Marge left, Bart spoke, "This Bites... Ain't that right Milhouse? Milhouse?"

Suddenly Milhouse was staring at six-year old Lisa as he felt something strange.

"Your pretty..." Milhouse told Lisa.

"What are you looking at!" Six-Year old Lisa spoke angrily as she easily pushed Milhouse to the floor.

"I'm think I am in love..." Milhouse spoke on the floor.

"Dude! She's six for pity sake!" Bart said.

* * *

"He fell in love with you at age six?" Terry said.

"Well it had to start somewhere." Lisa sighed.

"You were able to push a boy at that age too?" Allison spoke.

"Push a Boy? That's Milhouse. Anyone can push and order him around. Why even Ralph can beat Milhouse up." Lisa spoke.

"Well... that actually makes sense to tell you the truth." Janie answered.

Suddenly the girls giggled about Milhouse's Nerdy Wimpy ways that he can't beat up a single person whether he was cool or buff...

* * *

It was lunchtime in Springfield Elementary Cafeteria and the boys were chatting some of their past memories at a table together or at least ones that just happened this year or even yesterday as anything can be a surprise these days... especially in Springfield...

"And that's how I got my tongue stuck to the freezer as the door was closed." Bart spoke.

"That happened to me too! We have so much in common!" Ralph spoke.

"Dude. You had your tongue stuck to a frozen dead weasel for two days than when it was defrosted you actually cooked and ate the dead weasel. In fact, I don't even know if it was dead after defrosting as it's leg was twitching. It could've had disease or parasites."

"It tasted like **struggling and screaming and gasping**." Ralph smiled.

"Uh... right..." Handy spoke. "Exactly what's his problem again?"

"Supposedly he fell onto his head at age five. He was actually a genius before that happened... but than... he never became the same again." Bart spoke.

"I once ran down three long-loved veterans one time with my daddy's police car. Vroom! Vroom!" Ralph spoke.

"Yeah... that's way cruel... even by my standards." Nelson spoke.

"Speaking of Ralph... it's actually pretty interesting how we all met him... yep. Let's not talk about it at all." Bart spoke.

"Whoa Whoa, man. You want to know how I met this kid when I came here a few months ago?" Handy spoke. "It all started like this..."

* * *

Bart, Milhouse, and Handy were all walking in the hallway at age Eleven as Handy was shown around to the school.

"And this is the hallway where many things happened... usually dealings that violate school rules." Bart spoke.

"Help! Help! Someone let me out of here!" A Boy's plea for help was heard from the Janitor's closet.

The three boys opened the closet and saw Ralph's neck hole hanging from a hangar.

"Dude. Let's use him for target practice right here and right now." Bart spoke with a smile as Ralph was hanging from the hangar.

"Whoa man. He's just some kid, give him a break... By the way? What happened to you anyway?" Handy spoke.

"Three bullies asked me for lunch money and they threw me in here. The closet smells like my daddy's uniform." Ralph spoke.

Handy quickly took the younger boy off the hangar and placed him on the ground as he was happy that someone actually helped him.

"Well.. okay.. uh what's your name?" Handy asked.

"His name is Ralph. Don't get caught with him at all." Bart spoke.

"Well yeah... Uh. Ralph. If you ever get into trouble with those bullies again than come to us okay?"

"Okay?" Ralph spoke.

As Bart, Milhouse, and Handy were about to leave... suddenly Ralph followed and copied every exact move of Handy's actions... Handy suddenly stopped realizing Ralph was being a bit annoying as a copycat and turned around...

"Uh... what are you doing?" Handy asked.

"I'm coming to you like you said. I just got bullied remember?" Ralph smiled.

"Yeah but your suppose to come to us if you get bullied again."

"Oh boy. Ralph's being attached to someone again... again..." Bart sighed.

* * *

It was the present again and Ralph came running to Handy as the little nine-year old boy said, "I got a boo boo", showing a cut on his finger.

"I should've never said those words to him... and I bet that's not even from the bullies." Handy laid his head on the table.

Meanwhile at the girl's table, Lisa was still chatting with her friends about how they all met and certain events happened in this school before.

"Wasn't there anything nice or good that happen to us?" Lisa asked.

"Nope. All I hear from us girls and the boys over there is bad things that happened to us such as copycats, befriending in a locker, whining about Neighbors, and Milhouse." Sherry spoke.

"Say? How did Sherry and Terry's first day at the school happened? I bet it's interesting as little twins are rare back in Springfield Elementary?" Janie asked.

"Uh..." Sherry and Terry looked at each other.

* * *

Bart, Nelson, Milhouse, Wendell, and Richard were in there gym clothes at the age of seven as Bart had a basket ball under him arm. They were just walking in the school hallway as every child was minding their own business until a pair of twins showed up.

"Hey look. New kids and their twins." Nelson spoke.

"Yeah? So what?" Sherry spoke.

"Nothing! Nothing at all?" Bart spoke.

"Well guess what! Were smarter and more talented than you ever can be you lumber jacks!" Terry spoke.

"Well Brainiac... welcome to Public School!" Bart threw a Basket Ball at the two's heads.

"Ow! Were telling!" Sherry and Terry spoke at the same time.

"Like that will work here... another thing... give us your lunch money at.. um.. 12:20! You got that!" Nelson threatened them.

Sherry and Terry walked away very angrily as the boys laughed at the twins.

* * *

"Man, boys were so mean back than... now there just... well still mean but some of them are meaner and tougher while others are just slight below and learned not to hit a girl." Lisa spoke.

"Wished they learned a little earlier than now." Terry grunted.

"Just forget it sister. That's a long time ago." Sherry spoke.

Suddenly out of nowhere... a football was thrown into Terry's and Sherry's lunch trays causing a mess all over their faces. They angrily turned around and saw the boys laughing at them... especially Bart, Nelson, and Milhouse.

"So immature!" Sherry spoke.

"Your calling us immature?" Jimbo went over there with Kearney and Dolph.

"Not you boys. Those boys at the other table... say? Weren't you supposed to be high school by now?" Lisa spoke.

"Yeah... we failed sixth grade again..." Jimbo sighed.

"Infact... you're like 19 now and your still in Elementary School? Not only that, Kearney is like an adult before you were eighteen. Doesn't that bother you one bit?" Lisa asked.

"Nope. Not really... but you given me a lot to think about..." Jimbo said.

"Yeah... me too." Dolph said.

Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney all walked away as they watched.

"Hey? Wasn't Jimbo a nerd back than before he became a bully?" Janie spoke.

"Yeah... but that's because the nerds were in charge and Jimbo suddenly became a bully and took over the school." Lisa answered. "Yep. That's how Jimbo Jones became a bully... long story too."

...

"Yep. He became a bully? Yes... a nerd? I said he used to be a nerd!" Lisa spoke as she and her friends looked into the sky. "Huh? **No flashback**? Oh well. We can live without it."

* * *

The kids were all at recess as they were still chatting about old memories instead of playing outside like they always do.

"And that's how I got my scar from a printer." Handy spoke, showing a scar on his knee.

"Ew..." All the kids looked at it.

"You know. One time I actually calmed down that bully Francis." Allison spoke.

"You mean the tall red-headed bully that's always angry?" Lisa spoke.

"Uh-huh... but after that... I had my teeth knocked out. Luckily they were baby teeth."

* * *

Allison was walking into the school hallways with her books as she said "Goodbye!" to her friends without looking where she was going. As she continued to take another step... she suddenly bumped into someone tall and has no liking to smart kids.

"HEY! Why the hell did you bumped into me you little dweeb!" Francis threatened her with her fist.

"Uh.. um.. don't you hate books? I sure do." She said, backing away... scared of the bully.

"Wait a minute? You hate my friend Brooks?" Francis became angrier.

"I don't even know her! Uh... those are some nice baby teeth you have there. I bet it will fall out soon... especially when they're kind of yellow and icky..."

"There my adult teeth you!" Francis grabbed her by the shirt.

"Uh.. uh... you want to talk about your problems?" Allison spoke afraid as the bully gripped her shirt tightly.

"You actually think that's going to cheer up? You're so dead..." Francis spoke.

* * *

Several minutes later, Francis found herself at the park, on a wooden bench with Allison as she cried about her problems.

"I guess it was all because of my grandparents of that one day. They always push me around and treat me like some kind of animal." Francis spoke.

"You see? Didn't that talk we had made you feel better?" Allison spoke.

"Yeah... I feel like my old bullying self again." She wiped her last tear

"Wait? Bullying self? This talk wasn't about that..." Allison spoke.

"Oh... I just didn't felt like bullying and I was actually going to let you go... but you convinced me that I can still be a bully!..." Francis spoke as she stood with a pounding fist. "... and now that since I don't see any nerds around...

"Look Milhouse!" Allison said.

Francis turned around and saw no Milhouse but when she turned back to Allison... she saw her running from Francis.

"Errr... NEEERRRRRDDDD!" Francis yelled out like a big angry ape.

* * *

"Big deal... I got beaten by Bullies since I was four." Bart spoke. "Typical Girl stories... typical stupid girl stories."

"You never met a great girl in your life! Why would you say that if you think that all girls are just simple minded when you boys are the real idiots in the school." Janie responded.

"Actually I have met a girl that I fell in love with... only to be used by her. Her name was Jessica Lovejoy..." Bart sighed.

"Uh dude. Pretty much every boy has dated that girl and has been used by her... She's just so evil behind her looks." Nelson spoke.

"I've been used by her once." Milhouse spoke.

"Let me guess... you were used by her but she used you without even dating you? Am I right?" Bart asked.

"Well... yes... Yes I guess so..." Milhouse spoke.

"Uh-huh... I thought so..." Bart crossed her arms.

* * *

Milhouse was Ten Years Old and already he was glued on top of an Truck delivering with plutonium on it.

"How did this happened?" Milhouse yelled.

"Bye Bye." Jessica grinned.

The truck began to leave as Jessica walked away giggling like an evil little girl.

* * *

"And that's what happened." Milhouse told.

"What happened next?" Bart asked.

"Oh. I found myself at the Nuclear Power Plant and Mr. Burns sent me to the FBI for interrogations. There torturing tools there were way more terrifying than Nelson's Bullying. I still got the burns and scars from the electric nails! You want to see! It's under my pants!" Milhouse smiled as he gripped his pants.

"Uh... no..." All the children spoke.

"I remember a flashback of my own!" Ralph said.

"What is it?" Lisa asked.

"It all began like this!"

* * *

IN THE DAWN OF MAN... AKA RALPH'S FLASHBACK SOMEHOW...

Apes were shrieking and jumping around a **Black Monolith** as an Ape with the face of Ralph was rubbing his butt to the sandy floor of a desert. Ralph-Like Ape than went closer to the Black Monolith just smiling like nothing's going to happen. As he walks closer to the Black Monolith, he cautiously touches it and suddenly they were screaming like animals they were and...

* * *

"Hold up! Ralph! You just got that from the 2001: A Space Odyssey movie." Lisa spoke as she was on top of the jungle gym.

"I just saw my ancestor..." Ralph drooled.

"He thinks his ancestor is a movie character? What will Ralph come up next..." Bart sighed. "Oh that reminds me... Picture day comes in two minutes."

"Well I already thought of a quote for my picture." Nelson said.

"Yeah. Me too. Let's all hurry before they stop taking pictures." Allison spoke.

* * *

Several months later, Bart and Lisa were holding a School Yearbook as they saw each of their pictures and quotes...

"Good times..." Bart spoke looking at each of his classmate's pictures... and quotes, especially quotes.

Springfield Elementary School Year Book...

Bart's Quote: I Owe Five Bucks to the picture next to me.

Jimbo, Kearney, Dolph's Quote: That Guy next to me owes Me Five Bucks'

Nelson Quote: HAW HAW

Sherry and Terry's Quotes: Time is Money and we mean it this time.

Allison: Why am I always rejected by every boy I meet...

Lisa: My best friend is Janie and she's wonderful

Janie: My best friend had to be Lisa... Errr... She can be so annoying.

Milhouse: REJECTED

Ralph: I kan phinallee rite!

Francis: YOU NERDS ARE ALL DEAD! YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!

Handy: Life is worth it... as long as you have the cash and mischief with you.

Martin: I am smart as... PRINTED JAMMED.

Bashir: NOT SEEN IN THIS STORY

* * *

(Extra Scene)

"Ah good. We finally got some pencils!" Bill Gates spoke.

"Yeah. Wasn't easy stealing from not well known towns around these parts." Gates Henchmen spoke.

"I can sell these stolen pencils as Microsoft Merchandise just by the use of paint!" Bill Gates spoke.

"Hey? What do you want with these broken computers boss?" Another Henchmen spoke.

"Oh. Just make them look new with paint and old pieces from the junkyard and sell them at the market. It won't even cost me a dime." Bill spoke.


	48. TOWARDS IN TIME Part I

So uh... Hello again. You are going to see some strong references to Back to The Future in both Plot and Jokes. So yeah. I believe the last time story I did was Homer going through time and he found out that he caused all the mishaps during the Present of Springfield.

Also this is the 45th Story and this Fanfiction is now over 300,000 Words.

* * *

Opening Scene Gag: Prof. Frink is on his Flying Motorcycle flying in the air.

Billboard Gag: "Citizen of The Week! Ol'Gil! 0/4 by Roger Ebert himself!" (If you don't know Roger Ebert, he's supposed to be the greatest Movie Critic of all time only that this joke, he's reviewing Citizens)

Chalkboard Gag: "Obama did change the country, by destroying it" "Obama did change the country, by destroying it" "Obama did change the country, by destroying it"

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch as Homer and Marge are old and Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are adults.

Story Synopsis 45: Bart goes through time in 1967 by a DeLorean Time Machine.

* * *

"This is The Director and it seems that the supposedly 'Time Travel' is a little... unstable... How It started? That's what we're trying to find out..." The Director spoke...

* * *

"Hello. This is Kent Brockman!" Kent spoke LIVE on the News. "Recent reports have just shown that plutonium has been stolen by a group of Chinese Terrorists. Names have not been found but only of where there from. It is believed that these Chinese man have an accomplice or is either also the one who hired these men to steal the plutonium. Why? Have no idea and... BZZ..."

Suddenly the TV turned off as Bart let go of the ON button as a door of the basement was open.

"Hey Frink. Are you in here?" Bart said holding his skateboard. "Huh? He calls me to be right here and suddenly he's gone. He's been acting strange for the last couple of days and... Holy Crap!"

Bart spotted the most biggest amplifier he has ever seen in the basement.

"Heh heh. Finally an invention I can work with. Now I just need to find a guitar... Ah-Ha!" Bart spotted an old electric guitar in a box. "He has to test this amplifier some way."

Bart plugged the guitar into the amplifier and suddenly a slow tiny sound waved across the room from the amplifier as he also turned the amplifier up to the fullest. Bart than grabbed the guitar with his left hand and a pick in the right hand and was already too excited to play this thing out.

"A ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Bart reached his right hand to the air and then when he moved his hand to the strings...

KA-BAM! Suddenly Bart and several inventions and objects were thrown in the air and onto the wall all by the giant Amplifier. Bart opened his eyes to see the thing busted and destroyed due to turning to its fullest.

"Man... That... was... awesome..." Bart smiled.

Suddenly he heard a ringing sound and saw the phone on the floor due to the amplifier. He picked it up and heard a familiar voice.

"Who is this?" Bart asked.

"This is Prof. John Frink. Is this Bart I'm talking to?" Frink asked.

"Uh.. yeah?"

"Oh good. Well, sorry I wasn't there... I had to fix some things for my newest invention... one that will be my greatest yet!"

"Uh-huh..."

"By the way... I believe you might be late for school..." Frink said.

"Wait? What!" Bart looked at the clock, seeing that he was about to be late. "Oh man! The bus!"

* * *

Bart ran outside from Frink's House and already saw the bus leaving.

"Dang it! At least Frink's son got on the bus... huh? I wonder what's his name though? Never mind that! I promised my parents that I'll be on time for school after they took away my game system and I vow that promise!" Bart spoke. "I mean... How hard could it be when I got my skateboard?"

* * *

Bart was late for school as his clothes were slightly ripped, dirty, and wrinkly at the front door, outside.

"Bart!" Lisa spotted her brother.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at class?"

"I needed to go to the bathroom only noticing that you weren't here on time. Skinner is looking for you in the hallways. You're going to have to go to the cafeteria back door and..."

"Hold it Bart!" Skinner stood behind the two.

"Uh.. hi Principle Skinner." Lisa said. "Uh.. um.. he was just um.. he got bullied by Jimbo and his goonies. I mean you do see a lot of kids late because of them right?"

"Well... I do trust you Lisa and not this foul mouth Bart." Skinner looked at Bart grunting at him. "So I suppose I can let this slide."

Skinner walked away and Bart and Lisa sighed.

"Man Lise. I guess I will owe you one." Bart spoke.

"You could do that by coming on time for my birthday party." Lisa spoke.

"What? But there's only going to be girls at that party." Bart sighed.

"You owe me!"

"Eh.. fine.."

* * *

After school, Bart entered his family's house with Lisa as they saw some trouble with Homer.

"You listen to me you hear! You will fix my car and you'll do it quick! You got that! I'm already late for my party because of you." A tall muscular Man in a suit yelled at Homer.

The Bulky Man left the house as Homer sighed that it was over.

"Who was that?" Bart asked.

"Oh him? That's Buck. He moved back into Springfield." Homer spoke.

"Moved Back?" Lisa said.

"Yeah... that there is Buck Big Bully at Elementary, Middle, and High School. Usually I'm the bully around my time but he... He bullies everyone! He has no care in the world. I hate that guy so much." Homer said.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

Bart quickly opened the door and saw Milhouse at the door.

"Hey Bart! Me, Nelson, and Ralph just heard that there's a **body** somewhere in the creek! Wanna come!" Milhouse spoke.

"Do I!" Bart said. "Yeah but Milhouse! If you get scared than you **can stand by me**. Okay?"

(Just gave you two hints for a movie/book reference. There's one more hint later if you still don't know.)

* * *

It was 8:00 and Bart entered tiredly into his room.

"Man, I hope Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney won't come for payback after using the **gun** for a warning shot." Bart spoke as he went to his bed.

"Hey Bart!" Lisa came to his brother. "You do remember that..."

"YES! I REMEMBER ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY PROMISE! I WILL GET YOU A GIFT! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY!" Bart yelled from his bed.

"Sheesh. You don't have to yell like that. Also it's at 9:00 and is at the Krusty Hour Restaurant." Lisa spoke.

"Fine Lisa. I will." Bart got up from his bed, still tired.

"Hey Bart!" Milhouse suddenly entered the hallway. "The guys are going to a daredevil show and Handy has a Bebe gun to shoot the biker when he goes over a field of fire and he's really good at shooting! Wanna come!"

"Eh.. I know how this is going to end. You're going to end up in the show and try to come to my party only to find out it's over and..."

"No Lisa. I will come to your party and it's a promise. Sorry Milhouse, but I can't come." Bart said.

"Aww.. Thanks Bart." Lisa left Bart alone.

"Really, Bart? Okay. Well were going to get this on YouTube, so you can still see it online." Milhouse said as he also left the room.

Bart was alone at last and he can finally get some... BEEP BEEP!

"Oh What now!" Bart said as his Cell Phone was BEEP!.

He grabbed his cell phone from the ground and saw 8:22 on his phone, but he also saw Prof. Frink's name as the caller.

"Hi Frink." Bart spoke tiredly.

"Oh good! Your here. I finally finished my new invention! Bring a Video Camera and come quick!" Frink said.

"Do I have to?" Bart yawned.

"Yes! This is urgent!"

"Err... Fine... where are you?"

"I'm at the Mega Mart Parking Lot." He said.

"Wait? That closes at 8:00. There's barely no one there at that time. What are you doing at that place?" Bart asked, suspicious even.

"I'll show you when you get there. Frink out!"

Suddenly the call was over and it was now 8:30 on Bart's Cell phone.

"Man, Lisa's party is 9:00 and getting to the parking lot is a lot longer from here. Even with my skateboard... Hmm..." Bart spotted Santa's Little Helper out the window chewing on a toy. "I just got an idea..."

* * *

It was 8:45 and Bart was wearing an orange lifejacket, had a video camera... but he was on his skateboard as his dog ran fast like the wind on a leash. Bart arrived at the parking lot seeing nothing but a truck in the middle of the parking lot. He stopped at the truck and said, "Uh.. Frink? You in there?"

Suddenly the backdoor of the Truck's Cargo slowly opened as steam appeared from the inside. Bart saw something slowly moving out of the cargo with wheels. The steam soon faded away revealing what it was as Bart looked at it with a "gasp" to his face.

"Isn't it fine?" Prof. Frink spoke next to him.

"Where the heck did you appeared!" Bart stepped back. "And.. and.. what the heck did you did to that car?"

Bart, Frink, and Santa's Little Helper saw a DeLorean, only modified... a little too much.

"This is my newest invention Bart. A car that goes 88 miles per hour!" Frink spoke.

"Uh-huh... There are cars that can go over 100 miles per hour. Why the heck did you chose this piece of crap and turned it into... uh... what did you turned it into anyway?"

"I turned it into a..."

"Man, I'm going to be late!" Bart seeing the time.

It was 8:57 and Bart's promise was about to be broken.

"Hand me your dog! I just had an idea." Frink said.

"Uh.. okay?" Bart said.

Frink held a digital clock in his hand and attached it to the dog's collar.

"Get that camera rolling boy!" Frink spoke, as he was in a good mood...

"Okay! I am Prof. John Frink! Today is October 25th and the time on my watch is exactly 9:00 right now. I have attached a clock to Santa's Little Helper's collar that also says 9:00. I am going to show you why these two watches matter in this experiment I'm about to perform."

Frink stepped back from the dog and pulled out a normal action figure of superman that he was saving for another invention as the doors of DeLorean suddenly sprang up. He threw the action figure into the car and suddenly Bart's Dog reacted to it. He hopped into the car and suddenly the doors sprang down, yet Little Helper was chewing happily on the action figure.

"Uh... what are you doing? My action figure is in there" Bart asked, not caring about the dog.

"You're about to see." Frink showed Bart a controller with a small screen saying "0 MILES PER HOUR".

Suddenly the vehicle started to move as Frink started to use the controller. The DeLorean turned around slowly and went straight towards the end of the parking lot but it was also facing towards Frink and Bart.

"You have the camera ready right?" He asked.

"Uh.. uh.. yes? What are exactly are you going to do?" Bart asked.

"Oh nothing... just this." Frink activated the switch.

The DeLorean that faced towards Bart and Frink slowly moved.

"Uh... this is part of the invention right?" Bart said as the DeLorean started to pick up speed.

"Yep. Hold that camera steady now." Frink said.

Suddenly the car began to go even faster.

"79 Miles. 81. 83. 85. 87..." Frink spoke looking at the screen of his controller.

"Uh.. Prof." Bart said as the car was about to hit them.

"88 MILES PER HOUR! YES!" Frink yelled.

Out of nowhere, waves of electricity surrounded the DeLorean as it hit 88 Miles Per Hour. Bart was screaming for his life as the car got even closer to Frink and Bart... Instead, it vanished and left a trail of flames on the parking lot as the DeLorean's License Plate spin on the middle of the trail of flames.

"I DID IT! I... uh.. Bart?" Frink looked at Bart.. Why?

"AHHH!" Bart continued to scream, not even taking a look what happened... as he thought the car just hit him.

"Bart. It's alright!" Frink smiled.

"uh.. what happened?"

"Your dog is gone!" Frink smiled again.

"HOW IS THAT GOOD! You disintegrated Santa's Little Helper!" Bart complained.

"No I haven't Bart! Santa's Little Helper's and the DeLorean's molecular structure have stayed intact!"

"Is that car a teleporter! Where the hell are they now?" Bart said.

"Yes it is a teleporter, but the question is 'When the hell are they now'?" He said. "You see Bart! Santa's Little Helper has just become the first Time-Traveling Pooch!"

"Hold it! Hold it right there! Are you telling me that you build a time machine.. a time machine.. out of a DeLorean?" Bart, suddenly became confused.

"Yes Bart! That's what I'm saying. For once! Why not do science in style! One I could afford!" Frink said. "Your dog should come right about... move out of the way!"

Frink pushed Bart away as the DeLorean suddenly appeared again and nearly hit the two. Frink and Bart stood up and saw the car frosted... Frink carefully went to the door and was about to open it only to say, "AAHHHHHH!"

"What! What! Is it hot!" Bart asked.

"No. It's cold. And not the Cold Play Kind of Cold too." Prof. Frink spoke.

He decided to use his foot to open the door and when he did, Santa's Little Helper was revealed to be okay but also smiling as if nothing happened.

"Quick! The Camera Bart!" Prof. Frink spoke.

Bart aimed his camera straight towards Prof. Frink and Santa's Little Helper who was still in the DeLorean's.

"As you see on my watch. It is 9:01. The little canine here's watch is 9:00. Just one minute exact proving time travel is possible. Okay Bart. You can put the camera down now." Frink spoke.

"When did you had the time to build a time machine?" Bart spoke.

"Well I suddenly hit my head at the toilet somewhere as a boy. Then it hit me! The Flux Capacitor is the one that really does the time traveling. So a little later as an grown up. I suddenly had the idea again. I was going to build one... then I just remembered that I built a time machine as a teenager. Here. Let me show you how it works."

Frink and Bart went towards the car as Bart saw a number of things that he probably not manage to understand in fact, he was so skeptical of it that he didn't even want to be here at all.

"See here? You first have to turn on the time circuits." Prof. Frink flipped the switch thus activating the more advanced functions of the car time machine itself.

"What now?" Bart asked.

"Now this is important right here. Look at these readouts. The readout labeled 'DESTINATION TIME' tells when you're going. The one labeled "PRESENT TIME" tells where you are and finally the one labeled "LAST TIME DEPARTED" shows what time where you used to be."

"So with these, time travel is possible?" Bart said.

"There's the Flux Capacitor and a whole lot of other stuff... but **if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything... **yep... say that you want to see The Declaration of Independence, or the Birth of Christ, or even the beginning or end of the universe." Frink showed the dates on the readouts. "Quite extraordinary isn't it?"

"Yeah." Bart spoke.

"Or your parent's childhood. That's a nice one." Frink entered the readout "1967"

Prof. Frink looked at his new invention proudly with a smile.

"So uh... does this thing run on gasoline?" Bart asked.

"Well... yes but it also kind of has... a little stronger taste into it in the time travel aspect..." Frink spoke as he went to the truck to pick up a brown box with a radioactive symbol.

"Wait? What are you holding?" Bart looked at the box.

"Here. Wear this." Frink handed Bart an orange suit as he started to put his own orange suit on. "It will prevent you from having cancer from this thing."

As Bart put the orange suit on he spoke, "Is that car nuclear?"

"Well... if used in the wrong hands than.. yeah." Prof. Frink spoke as he opened the box.

Bart saw a plutonium rod encased in cool water as Prof. Frink carefully moved this to the back of the car.

"How did you able to get plutonium?" Bart asked.

"For it to time travel it also needs an electrical power source or a nuclear reaction that can produce 1.21 gigawatts of electricity." Prof. Frink opened a small liquid nitrogen compartment on the back, top of the car.

Inside he carefully pulled out another container of weaker plutonium that was useless to the car. He then inserted the newer container of plutonium into the cold compartment filled with Liquid Nitrogen.

"There! Were done now. Now what did you had to say?" Frink said.

"Did you steal that?" Bart asked angrily.

"No. No. Though I needed help to get it. Anyway, we should get going now and..."

"GRRRRRRR..." Santa's Little Helper suddenly became angry at the side of the DeLorean as he looked to somewhere else.

"What is it boy? What?" Bart asked.

* * *

The Dog growled as he spotted a moving vehicle coming... Thus Prof. Frink turned to where he was growling and saw mysterious men in a big black van.

"Oh no... the Chinese... With Their Big Guns... And Getting Angry... And Me Not Paying Them and... 'GLAVIN'!"

"Not paying them?" Bart said.

As the Black Van came closer and closer, Prof. Frink said, "Run Bart! I'll stall them with this pistol I have here!"

The Black Van stopped and the ceiling door slided and revealed a Chinese Man holding an AK-47 gun.

"Wait? You can shoot?" Bart said as he hid behind the truck while his dog hid behind the DeLorean.

"Of course I can. It's as simple as Geome..."

The Chinese Man pressed the trigger of his gun and Frink was shot multiple times in the chest as he yelled, "OH GOD! WITH THE PAIN... AND THE BULLETS POUNDING LIKE A MOOSES ANTLER! ANYWAY I'M DEAD.". Bart watched in horror as Frink fell to the floor and suddenly the Chinese Men saw Bart, a witness to this crime.

Bart tried to run to the other side of the truck but the Chinese drove the van to the other side. The Chinese Man at the ceiling of the car aimed his gun to Bart but he quickly moved to the front of the truck for cover before they can shoot. He then spotted his only way out of this... The DeLorean.

The Black Van made another turn and found Bart running to the DeLorean, as he still held the video camera. Bart spotted his dog behind the DeLorean and he said, "Come Boy! Come!"

Santa's Little Helper ran and hopped into the car as Bart swing the door closed.

"Let's see here... still got my orange life jacket vest... time circuits are on... Flux Capacitor.. uh.. Fluxy." Bart started the car. "Oh Dammit! I forgot Lisa's birthday! Hmm, the video camera."

Bart picked up the video camera while it was still working. He aimed it towards his face and says, "Hi Lisa! Uh.. um.. I'm a bit in a trouble now with... well it's a bit complicated. Frink just built a time machine out of a DeLorean and now he just got shot. Anyway, uh... Happy Birthday!"

Bart put the camera down and he held his hands against the wheel. The DeLorean rides off as the Van starts a chase. As the chase was on, The DeLorean Speedometer went to 40, while the Chinese try to shoot the car over and over again only for it to bounce off a lot. The Speedometer of The DeLorean's now went to 62 and yet the Chinese still try to shoot the car only to run out of bullets. The Delorean took a U-Turn but still managed to keep its speed to 75 and yet the van still manages to catch up.

"Your going to need a bigger gun that that suckers!" Bart chuckled until he looked at the side view mirror, seeing the Chinese Man at the ceiling pulling out an RPG. "Me and my stupid mouth..."

The Chinese take aim at the car with the RPG but suddenly the DeLorean started to pick more speed than them.

Inside the car Bart looked at the Speedometer as it reached to 86.

"Let's see if you can do Ninety... Huh? Where have I heard that before? From a Movie I think?" Bart was talking to himself.

Suddenly a bolt of lightning appeared out of nowhere in front of the car reaching to its fullest as the Chinese watched with confusion. A minute later... Bart, the dog, the car itself vanished, leaving a trail of flames...

* * *

It was night and at an abandoned farm in the middle of nowhere but a grassy land and a road next to it, a hobo walked by with a camera as he had a few beer bottles in his hands, and a shotgun for protection, walking aimlessly drunk until... BZZZ BAM! A Delorean appears out of nowhere as the drunken Hobo yelled out, "UFO! UFO!".

The car crashed into the Barn and the hobo followed a trail of flames. He looked inside and saw a frosted DeLorean, still working, but in the barn. The Hobo watched as the door opened and out came Bart in a yellow radioactive proof suit.

"AH! SPACE MEN!" The Hobo yelled taking a picture of the boy in the suit.

Suddenly a picture came out looking like the Fake UFO New Jersey photo.

"Hey? Where am I?" Bart touched his forehead.

"OMG! The Alien speaks English! I better capture this thing!" The Hobo brought up his shotgun.

"Whoa! I'm not an Alien! I'm a..."

BANG! Came the sound of the shotgun.

"On second thought... never mind..." Bart said

He quickly entered the Delorean and saw his dog acting like nothing happened. He started the car like any normal car as the Hobo tried to shoot the "space ship". The Car started and it began to drive fast and rough backwards as the Hobo moved out of the way. The Car than headed towards the road as the Hobo watched.

"Come back here ya Space Critter!" The Hobo yelled only to watch the DeLorean drive away on the road.

* * *

It was morning time and Bart was on the road as he saw no suburbs of Springfield anywhere until the car started to run out of gasoline...

"Man... Got to hide this thing..." Bart said until he saw a huge sign. "It's perfect..."

Seven Minutes later, the DeLorean Time Machine was hidden behind the huge sign as Bart looked at Santa's Little Helper.

"Okay boy. You stay here. I'm going to come back." Bart said.

He shut the door closed and walked by the sign wanting to see what the sign said anyway.

The sign showed houses and a happy family as it said, "Soon To Be A Suburban Family Home"

"Huh... this can't be right? I don't see any street around here... all I see is a town a few miles away..." Bart spoke looking North from here, as there were many many small buildings up there.

* * *

Bart entered a town that was so familiar yet also so different at the same time.

"Is this Springfield? Huh... looks a little more classy." He said as he stood at Town Hall.

He looked everywhere to see a lot of things that looked changed. Seven Men of Springfield who were actually proud of their job of replacing old tires of vehicles with new tires at the gas station, Men and Women wearing "appropriate clothes" instead of revealing, or tattooed... in fact... they were pretty much clean.

"Oh man... where's the arcade when you need... they replaced it with some Youth Diner? Why would kids hang out in a place like that?" Bart said. "What year is this anyway?"

"It's 1967 kid." A Ten Year Old Brunette Girl spoke as she carried books.

"Uh.. who are you exactly?" Bart asked.

"Eleanor. I know that a woman these day's can do anything! That's why I..."

"Uh-huh, sounds familiar... but wait? 1967?" He asked.

"Hey. If you don't believe me than look at the newspaper that the man just threw out earlier in the trashcan." She sighed, and walked off.

Bart instantly went to the trashcan and picked up the newspaper seeing the year "1967" on the front page.

"I must be hallucinating!" Bart said.

"Oh yes! The fumes from the car did gave you hallucinations. "The Ghost of Yoda said next to Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan. "But this really is 1967! You really did went through time kiddo!"

"AHHHHH!" Bart screamed as every person at the town square was looking at him.

"The force is with you Luke!" The Hallucinated Ghost of Obi Wan spoke.

"Wait what?" Bart said.

"Oh? We're still here? Were supposed to be in the other fanfiction story! I mean... there's no fanfiction... just story..." The Three Ghosts of Star Wars suddenly vanished.

* * *

Bart entered the Youth Diner for kids not knowing what to do at all. As he entered, the kids thought he was different due to still having the life jacket vest he had.

"Uh kid... what's with the vest you had? You're not in water you know." The Old Manager of the place spoke at the counter.

"Just give me a smoothie." Bart asked.

"Uh.. what's a smoothie?" He asked.

"You know? There like ice-cream but you drink them? I thought they were popular in the 1960s?" Bart asked.

"Oh... smoothies." A skinny boy with brown hair who wore a green shirt next to his two friends.

"Hey... do I know you somewhere?" Bart said.

"No, but I heard that the new Kwik-E-Mart here are going to sell them half price at the grand opening."

"I heard it's going to have the sweetest treats ever there." A fat poor Austrian Kid working at the mop spoke.

"Rainier! Get back to work!" The Old Manager said.

"Wait? He's Rainier Wolfcastle? That fat Austrian Kid! He lied in his biography?" Bart said.

"Eh... soon I will get out of here and make something great of myself!" The Fat Austrian kid spoke.

"Yeah! You're going to become a Famous Body-Builder Action Star... right after a dose of steroids..." Bart said.

"An Action Star... now that's a dream..." The Austrian boy said.

"You did hear me about the steroids part right? Eh, whatever." Bart said.

"Uh-huh... well at the Kwik-E-Mart, I hear they have them in almost every town and now we're going to have a Kwik-E-Mart. I heard there is great customer service and have all the sugary taste products there they ever have." The African American Kid spoke.

"Wait a minute... Lenny and Carl?" Bart suddenly became shocked.

"That's us! Wait? How do you know our names?" Lenny asked.

"Uh.. uh.. because... you're so popular?" Bart said.

"Really? That's not what the bullies say. Ain't that right Homer?" Carl spoke as suddenly Bart couldn't say a word after hearing his father's name.

"What?" Homer heard his name after having ice cream all over his mouth, cheeks, his brown hair, his blue pants, and red striped shirt... kind of think of it... it wasn't just ice cream on him...

"Yo you three dweebs!" A fat ugly but muscular bully entered the place with some friends of his.

"Probably Nelson's dad... but then again..." Bart thought. "He didn't moved here until my parents moved into the suburbs so that must mean..."

"Hey! I'm talking to you Lenny, Carl, and Homer!" The bully spoke as he and his friends came to the three.

"So uh... hi Buck... I'm turning eleven soon and..."

"Well... happy birthday to you but you didn't paid your debt for what we did for you."

"And what was that?" Homer afraid, asked.

"For not breaking your legs. Now hand over the green." He asked.

"Green? What's that suppose to me? A vegetable? Crayons? What?" Homer asked.

"Money you dope!" Buck shaken his fist towards him.

"Okay! Okay! Here's all I got!" Homer handed twenty bucks to him.

"Good... I'll come back tomorrow for your next debt sucker." Buck said.

The bullies chuckled with a grin and left as Bart watched...

"Man... now how am I going to pay for the Jerky Tuna Pizza Ice-cream Sunday I just ate." Young Homer spoke. "Huh? What are you looking at?

Bart was staring at his soon-to-be father in shock but silence as Homer, Lenny, and Carl wondered what's his problem.

"Well little Homer. Pay up or do some dish cleaning to work off for it." The Old Manager spoke.

"Uh... I'll pay for it!" Bart said bringing out his wallet. "Should this cover it?"

"Twenty bucks? It only costs nine dollars for all that... you want some change with this?" He asked.

"Keep it." Bart spoke.

"You're a lifesaver." Homer thanked Bart.

"Thanks but.. Hey? Where did they all go?" Bart said as he just notice they were suddenly gone a second later.

* * *

It was sunset, Bart was in a different suburban area of Springfield, one he has never seen before... but he was looking for his Future Dad as he left a trail of potato chips... He continued to follow him until he stopped seeing the trail ending at a tree.

"Where is he now?" Bart said.

"Oh. He's up there." Ten Year Old Lenny said next to Ten Year Old Carl.

Bart looked up seeing Homer on top of a tree branch with cardboard attached to his arms.

"I'll prove to you Carl and Lenny that I can fly!" Homer said.

"Uh... What's he doing?" Bart asked.

"Oh. He betted us that he could fly off the branch for ten bucks. What a no brainer." Carl spoke.  
"Hey! I mean... uh... Hey, I don't think he should do that. The branch he's on looks so weak." Bart spoke.

"What do you care? You just met us." Lenny said.

"Whoa... Whoa... steady now..." Homer said as the branch began to make cracking noises. "This branch looks like it's going to break."

"Then get off the tree than." Bart said.

"Okay! Fly Man! AWAY!" Homer jumped off the branch and tried to fly... instead he was about to fall to the road as a truck was coming by.

"Man... what an idiot..." Bart thought as he had to save his ass.

Homer fell to the road hitting onto his head. The next thing he saw was a truck in the way but before he got hit... Bart pushed him out of the way to safety. Now Bart was the one who had his head got hit by the truck. Homer, Carl, Lenny who saw this decided to just run away from the scene as the ones in the truck stepped out.

"What the hell? What's this dumbass doing on the road while my big truck was coming by." The Man said. "Eh... don't want to get sued... Hey, sweetie!"

"Yes?" A little girl came.

"Get him onto the truck... stupid dumbass..."

* * *

"Oh.. where am I?" Bart found himself in a bedroom.

"Rest. Your alright." A familiar voice was heard.

"Oh... mom.. I.. wait a minute? Mom?" Bart awaken from bed and saw an ten year old Marge standing by him.

"What? You miss your mom?" Little Marge asked.

"No... I... suddenly don't." Bart said. "Where am I?"

"Your in my bedroom. My dad accidently hit you in the head so we brought you over here."

"I... I see..." He said.

Suddenly a man came in and said, "Hey? Is he alright?"

"Uh.. yes.. Grandpa Bouvier?" Bart said.

"Grandpa? Your calling me old?" He suddenly became a little angry...

"No! No!"

"Good... now you can get out and..."

"Can't he stay for dinner?" Little Marge asked as she held Bart's hand.

Suddenly Bart swooped his hand away from hers not wanting something awkward to happen.

"Eh.. Fine. If that's what you want... but he better behave!" Marge's Dad threatened him with his fist.

"He hasn't change at all..." Bart thought.

* * *

Bart suddenly became even more awkward as he saw the whole Bouvier Family more younger than usual. He saw Grandpa and Grandma Bouvier looking healthy instead of smoked up, Patty and Selma... well... they still pretty much are the same... and Marge sitting next to Bart.

"So? I never seen you before? Do I know any of your parents?" Jacqueline asked.

"Uh... no..." Bart said.

"Yeah... well I just got the first issue of Radioactive Comic. I'm wondering why kids are into comics so I decided to see what's so special about it." Clancy Bouvier opened the comic book.

"Hey. That's how he gets super powers from an atomic explosion. That's worth a lot of money and..."

"What do you mean? This is just the first issue? Hitting you in the head must've made you delusional."

"Yeah well... uh... AHH!" Bart shake a bit as he stood away from Marge.

"What?"

"You held my hand! Stop that!" Bart spoke towards ten year old Marge.

"Yep. He's delusional." Clancy Bouvier spoke.

"Uh.. yeah.." Bart spoke. "Do you know where I can find Prof. Frink?"

"Frink? You mean the total nerd? He's ain't no professor if your saying that. He's more into Lawyer stuff." Patty said.

"Doesn't have many friends I can say that." Selma spoke.

"Yeah... he's a bit of a wuss." Marge spoke.

"Since when do you call mean names to nerds?" Bart said.

"I'm a kid. What do you expect?" She said.

"Well... anyway... do you know where Frink is right?" He asked.

"Sure. Me and my friends egg his house from Monday to Wednesday." Marge said.

"Mom? Egging House? Has friends?" Bart thought, seeing Child Marge's Personality different from Adult Marge's Personality...

* * *

Bart Simpson was standing in front of Prof. Frink's House as he was holding the address to it. He was actually amazed as Frink was living in a huge house... a mansion in fact.

"Whoa... an actual door made of wood! All we have is concrete." Bart was amazed of a simple door that pretty much anyone in middle class can afford.

Bart knocked the door and suddenly the door opened a little as a young boy peeked out with a machine attached to his head.

"Uh... are you Frink?" He asked.

"Go away! I have no intention to give you money!" He shut the door closed.

"Huh? Well that was weird... Uh... Frink? Let me in! I have a problem and only your scientific mind can help me!" He knocked on the door again.

"Science? Uh... there's no science here! Just books of law as usual!" A Hesitated Voice was heard.

"Huh? Why is Frink acting so weird... um... I know that you always wanted to be a rocket scientist!" He yelled.

"No such thing! Just rumors!"

"Uh.. uh... I'm a time traveler!" He yelled.

"Hah! Bring some proof if you're going to make things up!" He said.

"Oh yeah! I knew you hit your head Frink and had the idea of the Flux Capacitor! I believe you imagined it like this!" Bart showed a picture of it.

Suddenly Young Frink opened the door a little and grabbed the picture to take a look of it. He then fully opened the door and saw Bart Simpson holding a notebook.

"How the heck do you know?" He asked.

"In the future, your older self had a notebook. You dreamed of time travel existing through the Flux Capacitor by hitting you head on to something. He didn't really tell me what you hit but it's the truth..." Bart said.

"Hmm..." Young Frink began to think about this.

* * *

Bart and Frink as young kids pushed a car into his garage as it was covered in a large blanket while Santa's Little Helper watched.

"So uh... this is your dog that you left in the car?" Frink asked.

"Yeah... why were people thought you were more of a lawyer guy than a science guy? He asked.

"Oh it's my father. He loves science but he's one of those He-Man Scientists thinking that no weakling should be doing science as they don't stand up for themselves. That's why he thinks I should be into law more often but the science that's in my blood! I've been doing science experiments secretly in my room. He never understands me like mother does..." He sighed.

"What happened to your mother?" He asked in a curious state.

"None of your business!" He yelled. "I will help you repair the time machine. For now. You can stay with me."

* * *

Several minutes later, Prof. Frink came in with black dust on him.

"I think I found the problem. You have the flux capacitor, gasoline is just at the gas station, you have the car that can do 88 miles per hour, but you're missing the 1.21 gigawatts. Tell me... did you bumped into anyone that you know in the future?" He asked.

"Well... I bumped into Homer, my father, and Marge, my mother... also Homer's two friends and Marge's Family. Is that bad?" He said.

"Quick! Do you have a picture of your family!" He asked.

"Uh... yeah... carry it in my pockets I think... Ah-Ha! Here it is!" He handed the photo to him.

"Great Scott! Just have I thought! The youngest of sibling is fading away!" He asked as he looked at the photo.

Bart swiped the photo and saw Maggie Simpson slowly fading away in the photo.

"Uh... this is not good news is it?" He worried.

"Not at all good news. Somehow. You bumping into your parents as children must've caused a change in time! In other words, they might still meet in high school but they won't be in love, they won't be married, and they won't have history together meaning no Bart Simpson at all!" He said.

"I don't like the sound of that!"

"Tell me! What happened?" He asked.

"Well... I pushed Homer away from a truck but then I remember that Homer told me he never was there and never got hit by a truck. He told me that he was supposed to be washing dishes like he always do. I hear him grunting about that every day as an adult." He said.

"That might be it! Your father was not supposed to meet your mother at that truck accident as children at all! He was supposed to meet them a little older. Homer was supposed to wash the dishes for... I think not paying the food and Marge and her family in the car were supposed to drive smoothly with no accidents at all! THey should've never met at that time. There's only one way to fix this!" He said.

"Used the time machine to go back in time and stop it?" He said.

"No Bart. The time machine needs 1.21 Gigawatts. The Nuclear Power Plant that just opened still has very unstable plutonium. They trying to work out the cost... unless... a bolt of lightning, but that could come at anytime and anywhere..." He sighed, thinking that he's stuck here.

"Wait! That old clock at the town hall was replaced with a digital clock for a reason! I heard that my mother once said that a bolt of lightning struck that clock. If we could use that, we could go..."

"Back To The Future! Brilliant!" Frink finished Bart's Sentence. "But still you might not have the time to exist that long... There is one way though..."

"Uh... what?" He asked.

"You have no choice but to change the future a little. It's a gamble in fact you might say. You must let your parents meet as children instead of... I don't know? Teenagers? Grownups? Elderly? Who knows when they meet at your timeline." He said.

"Wouldn't that alter the future a little?"

"Look! Do you want to exist forever or become nothing?"

"Eh... fine..." He sighed.

"Now we just got to make you look like a normal kid around here..."

"Uh... How?" He asked.

* * *

Bart and Frink stood before Springfield Elementary as there was a Tall Robot next to them disguised in a Suit and a Hat...

"We will get you into this school through this robot pretending to be your guardian or parent. Understood?" He said.

"Uh... understood."

* * *

Bart, Frink, and the Robot all entered the school as everything pretty much look the same... as the three were walking a little longer in the hallway... Bart spotted Homer.

"Hey Bart. It's now your chance to get Homer and Marge dating as children." Frink said. "Me and the robot will enlist you in school and you can do what your mission is."

"Got it!" Bart ran to Homer as he opened his locker.

"Hey dad..da..daddio! What's up?" Bart spoke to Homer.

"Hey. You're the kid who saved my life from that truck and paid off the bill at the youth diner." He said.

"Uh.. yeah.. Well anyway.. see that chick over there?" Bart pointed to young Marge, disgusted of what he also just said but he had to kept it to himself.

"Uh.. yeah?" Homer responded.

"Well... She secretly thinks that your cute and.. uh.. I think you should go over there and try to have a date with her." He spoke.

"A date? She's in another 4th Grade Class and I don't know her one bit." He spoke.

"Yeah.. but.. uh.. are you really going to miss this chance? She has blue hair! Blue isn't even considered a color because it's too popular these days!" Bart said.

"Well that is true... Okay! But what if I get nervous?" He said.

"Than say things romantic. Girls love this stuff. Say that she's as blue as the pure soul across the skies itself or as pretty as the flowers that are blooming over the sky-blue gardens." Bart spoke.

"I don't know..."

"Look! A great man once said, 'That if you can put your mind to it! You can accomplish anything!'. And your goal is to get that girl to love you with feelings! None of that infatuation crap! You got it!" Bart encourage young Homer.

"Okay." Homer said.

"Now go over there!" He pushed Homer to Marge and her friends.

Homer bumped into Young Marge nervously as she said, "Uh? What do you want?"

"Um... Your... Your... Your hair is as a blue as the night sky itself, Your eyes are as gorgeous as the shining stars outside of Earth, and when Pitch Black Night comes... those eyes of your can see through the darkness and find a lighted fire representing your very pure soul."

"That... was good." She spoke.

"Yes!" Bart smiled as he watched.

"HEY! YOU!" A familiar voice was heard.

All the kids turned around and found the bully, Buck, and his friends coming to Homer.

"What do you think you're doing messing with my gal?" He said.

"I'm not your gal." Young Marge spoke.

"Uh... um..." Homer hesitated, not knowing what to stay...

"Oh man..." Bart sighed. "Looks like I'm going to take care of this jerk."

Buck was about to punch Homer in the face until suddenly a skateboard rammed him right to his face as the bully fell to the floor.

"Oh? Who's the jerk who did that!" Buck yelled.

"That would be me." Bart spoke.

"Your going to wish that you haven't done that." He got up from the floor. "Get him"

"Oh no. Not this again!" He said.

* * *

Bart was outside of the school and the bullies were on their Mountain bikes chasing the dweeb. Every time the bullies manage to catch up with Bart, Bart hanged onto the ledge of the car to pick up speed...

"Hah! Catch me now! You... Why are they going faster than me?" Bart was holding onto another car.

He suddenly realized that some old man was driving slowly onto this car. He had to let go of the ledge and use his feet to skateboard his way out, but the bullies were catching up and Bart saw a truck filled with a brown smelly substance inside... otherwise known as Manure."

"Manure? Wait? Where have I seen this scene before?" He asked himself.

As the bullies catch up, Bart hatched up a plan. The bullies were about to grab him only for Bart to leap off his board and hop onto their heads as each of them looked.

"Bye bye!" Bart smiled as he jumped off the last bully onto his skateboard which apparently the bullies moved away from.

The Bullies watched as Bart escaped them, but it was even more trouble for them as they saw a truck load of manure in the way.

"No No NO! Not manure!" Buck yelled.

A minute later the gang of bullies were thrown into the truck of manure as they tried to slow down their bikes, only to ram into it.

Meanwhile, at the front door of the Elementary School... the children were surprised that one boy took on the whole gang of bullies.

"Now he has to bring a lot of attention to himself?" Young Frink sighed.

"Well... where the heck does he live?" One of Marge's friends asked.

"Whoever he is... I'm going to find out." Young Marge smiled... taking a step to the worst.

"Whatever." Frink sighed... only to bump into someone. "Watch it pal! I.."

"You watch it!" Eleanor yelled, the same girl from before. "Hey? Is that a Springfield 07 Watch? Those are pretty rare as they were made from the old days."

"Uh.. yes it is? Say, who are you again? I've seen you somewhere but I can't remember..." He asked.

"I'm Eleanor. We met once in Gym Class until I was moved into the other 4th Grade Classroom." She spoke.

"Oh. I'm John Frink. Nice to meet you. Anyway, I have to go meet my friend. He's the blonde daredevil who just ran away." Young Frink walked away.

* * *

Bart stood by Young Frink as he was creating a Model of the Town and a small car with a rod to it at the garage of Frink's house.

"Uh... So what's up with the toy town you created?" Bart asked.

"This is no toy. This is a replica with the buildings, and the towers, and the streets 'GLAVIN!'." Prof. Frink spoke. "Anyway, look at the replica of the car I have here and that line of wire standing between the tree and the streetlight there."

"Uh-huh?"

That wire will be connected to the clock where lightning will strike. That wire will conduct the electricity where you who will go 88 miles Per hour will strike that wire with this very tall rod I have here." Young Frink showed Bart the tall metal rod he has.

"And then I can come home!" Bart said.

"Yes. So far, how was it with Homer and Marge?" He asked.

"There doing pretty goo..."

Suddenly a knock was heard on the outside walls and there came Marge who stepped in.

"Uh... Hello Bart." Marge said.

"Hello Mo.. I mean Marge..." Bart spoke, never thought that he would call her mom by her first name.

"Uh.. well there's a dance coming and..."

"And your going with Homer?" Bart said.

"He's... okay... but... can.. can you come with me to the dance?" She asked.

Suddenly Bart looked surprised as Homer and Marge still haven't maintained a relationship yet... He looked at Young Frink hoping for some help but he just looked at him.

"Uh... um... sure." Bart didn't want to disappoint her.

"YES!" Marge left happily.

"Are you crazy! Dating your Mother at a young age! Leaving your dad to live in an lonely life? You won't exist!" He said.

"Yeah but I have a plan to get them together. A School Dance is where people can fall in love right? Well this is perfect to get Homer and my Mom together." Bart said. "Plus the dance is before the lightning."

"Well... okay. I'll wish you happy good luck to your destination..." Frink said.

"Oh... well here's some tips when you meet some Chine..."

"No Bart! You can't tell me anything about the future. I could possibly want to avoid whatever misadventures it is so no telling! You got that?" Young Frink said.

"Yes. I understand." Bart responded.

* * *

Bart was in a suit at the Youth Diner as he was writing a letter for Young Frink as nighttime rose.

"Dear Prof. John Frink. I know you said that I should not tell you about the future but this is important. You must take every precaution to avoid being killed by a Chinese Terrorist Group. Yes... These men have guns and are serious business. Sincerely your Friend, Bart Simpson." Bart finished writing the letter.

The boy put the letter in the envelope and wrote, "Don't Open until Lisa's Ninth Birthday" on the back of the envelope.

"Hey Bart! Are you ready?" Young Frink had a pile of wire in his hand.

"Uh.. yeah." Bart spoke.

As the two walked out, Bart secretly put the letter into his pocket while Frink has not noticed it at all.

* * *

Bart was walking to the dance that was held in the gymnasium on the parking lot as Homer Simpson was with him who also wore a suit.

"So wait? How am I going with the dance with Marge? If YOUR going to the dance with Marge?" He asked.

"It's simple. She seems to have a taste in heroic guys right? Well. I'm going to act like a big jerk while you come in and act like the big hero to her. Then you start to go to the dance. Alright?" He spoke.

"Sounds good." Homer smiled.

"Oh. There's More... I mean There's Marge right now." He said.

Marge appeared to the two in a lovely pink dress as Homer was suddenly amazed, however Bart was just bored as usual.

"So uh... the dance?" Marge became nervous.

"Oh what?... Eh, sure." Bart was acting like had no care for her.

Before the two began to leave, Bart whispered to Homer, "Remember the plan okay."

* * *

"So.. uh.. isn't it lovely today?" Young Marge said with a nervous smile.

"Yeah but..."

"Hey! Look do we have here?" A familiar voice was heard.

Bart and Marge turned around to see Buck and his friends as they were grinning.

"Revenge and a pretty face. Guys, you take the boy and I'll deal with pretty face here." Buck spoke.

"Got it boss." One of Buck's Friends said.

Bart was going to fight back but there were three of them and they all managed to grab him by the arms and legs. The bullies goons walked off with Bart as Buck looked at young Ten-Year Old Marge.

"Why hello there pretty face." The Bully spoke.

"Oh lord..." She sighed in disappointment.

* * *

Bart was thrown into the trunk of an unknown vehicle as the bullies goons shut the door. Suddenly Carl Carlson stepped out of the car.

"Hey look! It's the dweeb from before." One of the bullies spoke.

"What's in the trunk?" Carl spoke angrily.

"None of your business." One of the goons said.

"You messing with Carl?" Young Lou stepped out of the car.

"Your still out numbered you little dweebs." The three goons spoke.

"Hey Drederick, Hibbert! Come out here!" Young Lou yelled.

Young Drederick and Young Hibbert stepped out of the car as well and suddenly the outnumbered goonies became nervous.

"Uh.. uh... We can still take you on!" The bully spoke.

"Oh. Is that so?" Bill Cosby, an adult, stepped out of the driver's seat with a wrench.

"Oh. This does not look so good..." The Third Goon spoke.

"Hey Hey Hey! What happened here Carl? Bill Cosby spoke.

"These guys put something in the back of our trunk!"

"Is that so?" Bill Cosby said.

"I thought you were a really nice guy..." The Goonies stepped back.

"On TV, I bring peaceful reasons to make people respect Blacks. Outside, I use violence to defend Black's Rights."

"Look! We don't want any trouble..." The Goons spoke.

Suddenly the Goons just ran away as they did not want to fight five of them at the same time.

"Hey guys. Open the trunk." Bill Cosby commanded.

* * *

Homer walked to Marge, seeing her on the ground and ther jerk "Bart" you might say... as he became proud to get the girl... only one thing.

"Hey Crack Head! You want a piece of me?" Homer asked bravely.

Suddenly the guy turned around revealing to be Buck as Marge was on the ground.

"Oh... uh... Hi, Buck..." Homer gulped.

"Help me please!" Marge spoke to Homer.

"Hey garbage! Just leave now and you don't have to be pounded right in the eye." Buck spoke.

"No! Your getting what you deserve." Homer said bravely...

Homer lifted his fist and tried to punch Buck in the face only to be stopped by being grabbed by Buck's hand and then twisting it into pain.

"Stop it! Your hurting his arm!" Marge stood up.

"Stay out of this!" Buck shoved Marge away while twisting Homer's arm.

Suddenly as Homer watched Marge fell to the ground, his pain suddenly turned into rage, the intense kind of rage. He raised his other fist as Buck was grinning but then suddenly he stopped grinning as a fist landed right onto his face, knocking him out to the ground cold.

"Are you okay?" Homer lend a hand to Marge.

"You.. You stand up to the bully. You were great!" Marge smiled.

* * *

MEANWHILE AT THE LEAGUE OF AFRICAN AMERICAN HEROES... I MEAN THE FIVE MEMBERS OF AFRICAN DESCENT

"Dang it! Where are the keys!" Bill Cosby tried to open the back trunk door with a screwdriver.

"The keys are in the trunk!" He said.

"Say what?" Young Drederick Tatum spoke.

"Hey Uncle?" Carl said.

"Yeah Carl?"

"Wait? Bill Cosby is Carl's Uncle?" Bart became surprised. "Man, there is a lot of stuff I don't know about you adults... I mean guys."

Suddenly a SNAP was heard as the door was opened by the screwdriver... only one problem. Bill Cosby's hand was given a large cut from the screwdriver.

"Damn it! My hand! How can a screwdriver give me a cut." Bill Cosby spoke, but Bart was freed at least.

"Thanks guys! Your all great!" Bart answered. "Anyway, I got to help someone."

* * *

Bart ran to the scene as people gathered around an unconscious Buck.

"Hey? What happened?" Bart asked.

"Didn't you hear? That Homer Simpson kid knocked him out with just one punch. Supposedly he is now granted the new title, 'Big Bully'. We could all tell because he punched me in the gut." Young Kirk Van Houten spoke in pain.

"Wait? Really? Way to go Homer... where is he?"

"Oh... he entered the dance with someone named Marge or something. Though something went wrong." Young Barney spoke.

"Wait? What?"

"The band who plays at the Elementary School Dance... well... the lead singer Bill Cosby got a cut on his hand. He can't play the guitar now."

"Dang it! I'll have to fix this!"

* * *

Bart quickly ran back to Bill Cosby's Car and saw them packing up there instruments.

"Hey! What are you doing!" He said.

"Were packing up. Bill got a cut on his hand and that means no one can play the guitar." Young Hibbert spoke.

"But there are couples in that place! No music means no dance! No dance means no Romance! No Romance Means No History Together!" Bart complained.

"Sorry... unless.. well. You know someone else who can play the guitar?" He said.

"Hmm... Guitar, eh?" Bart said to himself.

* * *

Bart was the lead singer as the couples were just staring at them with his family photo strapped to the guitar.

"Okay. Uh... we're going to sing a song that we seemed to be all good at. It's an Elvis Presley Song but were going to sing it in a more guitar fashion instead of the Elvis Guitar fashion." Bart said.

"Who's Elvis?" Young Otto asked.

_"I quit my job down at the car wash_

_I left my mama a goodbye note._  
_By sundown I'd left Kingston_  
_With my guitar under my coat._  
_I hitch-hiked all the way down to Memphis_

_Got a room at the Y.M.C.A._  
_For the next three weeks I went a haunting them night clubs_

_Looking for a place to... Pla..ee.."_

"Hey Bart? Are you feeling well?" Carl asked as he played his guitar.

Bart looked through his hand and saw it fading away slowly. He looked and saw why...

"Excuse me. But I'm taking this dance!" Young Artie Ziff moved Young Homer away as he stole his date. "So, beat it!"

"Oh... I see..." Homer walked away.

"No.. Come on!" Bart thought as he became weaker.

The next minute Young Artie Ziff who was dancing with Young Marge heard a voice.

"Hey Artie!"

"What?" He turned around.

"Here's a knuckle sandwich!" Homer punched Artie Ziff right in the face.

Suddenly the two were dancing again while Artie Ziff was on the floor and Bart's handing was solid and existing. In fact, he was able to play the guitar well again.

"_I thought my picking would set 'em on fire  
But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man.  
Well  
I nearly 'bout starved to death down in Memphis_

_I run out of money and luck._  
_So_  
_I bummed me a ride down to Macon_  
_Georgia_  
_On a overloaded poultry truck._  
_I Thumbed on down to Panama City_  
_Started pickin' out some of the all night bars_

_Hopin' I can make myself a dollar_

_Makin' music on my guitar._  
_Got the same old story at them all night piers_

_There ain't no room around here for a guitar man."_

"Hey Bro!" Bill Cosby spoke on the phone. "Your looking for a new sound? Well hear this full rock n roll version of this song!"

_"We don't need a guitar man  
son.  
So  
I slept in the hobo jungles_

_I bummed a thousand miles of track_

_'til I found myself in Mobile_  
_Alabama_  
_In a club they call "Big Jack's"._  
_A little four piece band was jamming_  
_So_  
_I took my guitar and I sat in._  
_I showed 'em what a band would sound like_  
_With a swingin' little guitar man._  
_Show 'em_  
_son._  
_If you ever take a trip down to the ocean_  
_Find yourself down around Mobile._  
_Well_  
_make it on out to the club called Jack's_  
_If you got a little time to kill._  
_Just follow that crowd of people_

_You'll wind up out on his dance floor_

_Diggin' the finest little five piece group_  
_Up and down the Gulf of Mexico._  
_And guess who's leading that five piece band_

_Why wouldn't you know_  
_It's that swinging little guitar man."_

People started dancing crazy about the song... until Bart starting to go a little way off... he started to play his normal guitar into an Heavy Metal Electric Guitar which made all the dancers stopped and just looked at Bart as if there was something wrong with him.

"Uh... Bart." Carl said. "Bart?"

Carl repeatedly called out his name but Bart suddenly slided on the floor, raised his guitar, and rammed it on impact to the wooden floor causing it to be destroyed.

"Oh... woops." Bart looked at the guitar.

"Eh. No worries. I have six of those." Bill Cosby came to the stage. "But really? You just turned rock n roll into... uh... a extra violent form of music. What the heck was that?"

"Well... uh... guess these kids aren't ready for this kind of music." Bart stood before the crowd. "Trust me though, when you're in your teens, you're going to scream out 'KISS', 'Metallica', and 'Rolling Stone' all the time at concerts."

"Am I the only one who loved it?" Otto was the only one who spoke at the crowd of couple's.

* * *

Bart walked outside of the gymnasium until he saw Marge in the way.

"Uh... you are with Homer, right?" Bart became worried.

"Oh sure. He's a pretty good guy... and that was uh... special... music you have there." Marge spoke.

"Hey? What's going on?" Homer came with a smile.

"Nothing. Just talking but I do have some advice for you." He said.

"What?"

"Well... if you ever see a kid when your grownups... any blonde hair kid at around six years old and he burns down your car... go easy on him." Bart said.

"Uh-huh..." Homer wondering why he said that.

"Anyway, I got to leave." He spoke.

"When will we see you again?" Marge asked.

"Oh. I have a pretty good feeling you'll see me soon." Bart smiled.

Ten Year Old Homer and Marge watched as Bart walked off to his next destination together, Town Hall...

* * *

The Sound of Thunder striked throughout the skies as Bart and Santa's Little Helper saw Frink finished connecting the wires together as the DeLorean has a large Metal Rod attached to the trunk.

"Ah! Good Barty Old Chum! You just came just in time. I want you drive the car far away as possible and come here at 88 Miles Per Hour. I filled the gas tank up so that shouldn't be a problem. The only thing is the risk of when the lightning shall strike. You got that?" Frink said as he put both of his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah Prof." Bart said.

"Good luck. I shall meet you in the future soon as a grownup." He put his hand to Bart's shoulder.

Bart went towards the DeLorean's door until he heard a voice, "What's this?"

Bart turned around and saw Frink holding the envelope.

"This has to do with the future! Isn't it? You can't tell me anything! It can mess up the timeline!" Frink yelled.

"Prof. You really should need that!" He argued.

"No! No! I will not allow time to be destroyed!" Young Frink yelled.

He gripped the envelope and ripped it into pieces as he tossed all the pieces into the trashcan, while Bart watched this unfortunate warning that he destroyed.

"Now go! Go Back to The Future!" He yelled.

Bart and Santa's Little Helper entered the car as Frink watched. The DeLorean Time Machine road away as Frink noticed one error. One of the wires got disconnected by the shaking wind at the edge of Town Hall's building where the Town Meetings took place.

"Why now?" He said.

* * *

Bart was in the "Soon To Be Suburbs" as he was in the middle of nowhere.

"Why did you had to rip the warning Prof." Bart sighed.

Bart started the car but the juice in the battery was exhausted and all he could hear was the engine crying.

"Dang it! Why? I got to give this some juice. What's the point he's going to be shot anyway... wait? I'm in a freaking time machine. I can just go five minutes back in the future and warn him." Bart said as he changed the coordinates for time. "Now I'll I have to do is hope that this thing get some juice in the battery."

* * *

Meanwhile, Frink was on the ledge of where the clock was placed onto Town Hall's Building. He saw the two wires disconnected and slowly reached for them.

"Almost there... AHH!" Frink fell off the cliff, luckily he was hanging onto the two wires.

One was on the ground that he held on and he was hanging from the other wire that was connected to the clock.

"Almost there." Frink tried to reconnect the wires as he was hanging from the one connected to the clock.

* * *

The DeLorean's Battery finally got some juice in it as Bart was grateful for this to happen.

"Next stop. My time!" Bart said as he began to drive the car to its fullest.

* * *

Meanwhile Frink successfully connected the two wires only to slip off and fell to the bush near Town Hall.

"Ow.. 'GLAVIN!' with the pain and the branches..." Frink stepped out of the small bush.

Frink watched as the DeLorean was coming but he also saw that the Thunder Storm started to appear with lightning this time.

"Come on you Son of A Gun!" He yelled.

The DeLorean started to pick up more and more speed as Bart looked at the Speedometer.

"85... 86... 87... 88 Miles Per Hour!" Bart yelled. "Why am I talking to myself?"

The next minute, lightning striked to the clock, and went through the wires as the Metal Rod attached to the DeLorean touched the Wires attached to the tree and street light.

A minute later, Frink saw the DeLorean vanished leaving a trail of flames.

"YES! IT WORKED! IT WORKED!" Frink yelled out in the middle of the road.

"What happened here?" Eleanor came to the scene.

"Uh... government conspiracies that I'm looking into right now." Frink answered.

"Government? There trying to take control of everything. There should be a Utopia Society instead of what it is now." Eleanor grunted as she left.

"Utopia is impossible. People should be focusing on what can a society become for the greater good." Frink said.

"I guess so. Anyway I should go." Eleanor left Frink in this strange incident.

* * *

It was the Present and the DeLorean appeared out of nowhere as it now stood in the middle of the road.

"Oh my god! It's that saucer again!" A Hobo spoke. "I have to get this to the News!"

The Hobo ran to his destination as Bart stepped out of the car.

"Man, that's finally over with. Now just to warn Frink about the... Chinese?" Bart saw the same Mysterious Black Van from before heading to their destination. "Damn it! The car is out of gas and no gigawatts to go through time! Got to get there by foot! Come on Santa's Little Helper!"

* * *

Bart ran as fast as he could with Santa's Little Helper to the Parking Lot, but as he did he saw the scene from before at the parking lot. Again he watched in horror as Frink was shot in the chest by the Chinese but he also saw himself running into the Time Traveling DeLorean. Bart now saw the DeLorean and the Black Van having a chase but again the DeLorean escaped through time but this time he saw the Chinese driving the Black Van to fast at a point that it crashed into the Huge Mall. Suddenly the alarm was activated

"Dang it!" Bart said to himself as he ran to Prof. Frink lying on the floor. "Man, why? Why man!"

"What? What are you worrying about?" Prof. Frink spoke as he stood up.

"Wha.. what? But you just got shot multiple times in the chest. I saw it!" He said.

"Correction! Shot multiple times in the bullet proof vest!" Frink lifted up his shirt to reveal bullets stuck through a bullet proof vest.

"But how?"

"I believe this is your answer." Frink handed him the old and taped-up message that Bart wrote in 1967. "I was a little too curious to find out so I taped every word of this message."

"Wait? So you knew?"

"Yep. Come on. Let's get the DeLorean and get out of here. The police or whatever will take care of those Chinese." Frink said as the two saw the Chinese unconscious at the mall during the alarm on.

* * *

Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper were all in the DeLorean as he was taken to home.

"Well this is your stop." Frink said, stopping by at Bart's House.

Bart and Santa's Little Helper stepped out of the car as Frink looked at him.

"So uh? What are you going to do now?" He asked.

"I always wanted to see the future. See if machines can walk faster on foot than just on wheels, joints moving slowly, can respond to every word of humans, I want to see cars fly in the sky, towers so high that you can't see them, a wonderful place..." Frink said. "Well bye."

"Bye to you." Bart said.

As Bart and Santa's Little Helper went to the front door of the house yawning for some sleep, they heard a blasting electric noise. He turned around and saw a trail of flames on the road.

"Man, he's gone. I wonder if he'll ever visit and bring a gift from the future?" Bart said to himself. "Come on boy. Let's get some sleep."

* * *

It was morning and Bart stepped out of his bed.

"Ah! Hello world!" Bart said.

Bart walked into the living room and said, "Hello Family! Where's Family?"

"Huh? Wait a minute... is that you Bart?" Abe Simpson came to him.

"Uh... yeah?" Bart wondered why he said that.

"I better call the family... or is this just my imagination?" He said.

"Uh-huh." Bart wanted some fresh air.

* * *

Bart stepped out of the house as he said, "Huh? I just remembered? Where's that video I recorded for Lisa?... Must be somewhere else. Oh well."

Suddenly out of nowhere, electricity appeared and a trail of flames were left by a DeLorean Time Machine.

"Wha... what the?" Bart became surprised.

Prof. Frink stepped out of the door wearing Hi-Tech Sunglasses, a blue sparkling Lab Coat over his White Lab coat, and a shiny new golden cape.

"Bart! You must come with me! Your father is in grave danger!" He said.

"Eh.. what?"

"I will tell you more as soon as we fix your dad's life!" He said.

"Wait what do you mean?" He asked.

"We are going Back To The Future! A place where gold is worthless after rocks have been turned into too much common gold, A place where theories can now be proven, a place where President's actually be checked if they really kept there promises. Turns out that John F Kennedy did fake the moon landing... and staged the whole video of lies on Mars!" He said.

"Wait? You don't mean Present Future? You mean Future Future? Flying Cars? Fast Moving Robots? Virtual Goggles? All that?" He asked.

"Yes! Exactly!" He said.

"Uh... Okay if it means seeing the future." Bart spoke, wondering what it will look like.

Bart took a look at the DeLorean and asked, "It looks slightly different?"

"Oh. You must've noticed it's new source of power. Garbage turning into a clean fuel. Never mind that. It's already full." Frink spoke as Bart learned that plutonium was not needed anymore.

Frink and Bart entered the DeLorean and Bart had one thing to say.

"Uh... don't you need a little more space on the road to go 88 Miles per hour. I mean shouldn't we back up all the way to the end of the road like what you just did to get to the future?" He asked.

"Where were going. We don't need roads." Frink said.

"I know I heard that from a movie somewhere." Bart said.

Suddenly the Car's wheels began to hover until jets of fire came through the tires causing it to hover even more. The flames were now extinguish and the DeLorean Time Machine was now in the sky.

"Get ready boy. It's a heck of a ride." He said.

"O.. Okay..."

The DeLorean began to move and pick up speed faster than before and already hit 88 Miles Per Hour in a few second. It vanished into thin air as it left a trail of fire in the middle of the air.

* * *

TO BE...

CONTINUED...

(WHAT'S NEXT? WHY IS THE TAPE MISSING? WHY DID ABE ASKED SUCH A WEIRD QUESTION?)

* * *

"We must get you father out of jail at all costs!" Frink said as he walked with Bart through the Futuristic Streets of Springfield.

"Uh... did the Game Arcade that used to be a Youth Diner just became a Game Diner Arcade?" Bart asked.

* * *

"Man, where are we? Is this really the present?" Bart was in Frink's Abandon Home.

"Yes this is the present! But it's an alternate one Bart and it's a horrible one, with the police being bought by that fat dictator oaf, the suburbs having too much expensive protection that they can't even afford, and criminals running loose. Jesus, even Skinner became back to his Vietnam Senses with shooting and knifing."

* * *

"Don't you get it! There is no future Bart! You want to know why?" Frink spoke.

"Why?" Bart asked...


	49. FORWARDS IN TIME Part II

(NOTE! THIS IS ALSO SET IN THE FUTURE! THE SIMPSONS IS SET IN 1995. DESPITE ALOT OF 2010s CULTURAL REFERENCES! PLUS TO COINCIDE THE EPISODE "LISA'S WEDDING" WHICH IS SET IN 2010.)

Also, it's been some time to put this story up because of the Futurama Fanfiction I have, but I've finally done. Here it is.

* * *

Story 46, Forwards To Time Part II, Synposis: Bart goes through the compelling future, the dark alternate present, and risks of the past... what will happen?

Opening Gag: An American Bald Eagle grips on to Maggie, sucking on her pacifier, in the skies.

Billboard Gag: "The Simpsons won't stay dead! Renewed for Two More Season... Than Two More... Than Two More... And Than So On..

Chalkboard Gag: "Jesus is Not A Zombie", "Jesus is Not A Zombie", "Jesus is Not A Zombie"

Couch Gag: The Simpsons swim to the couch under sea as Sea Monkeys from the advertisement.

* * *

"This is the Director here speaking. Control Time and you can control the future... but only the Almighty God himself can do that and us humans would probably allow the unexpected to happen leading to a happy life to a disastrous world where people just aren't there anymore. According to my report here, it's called an Alternate Timeline, a pathway branching out from the original... how did it started? That's were trying to find out... Sincerely The Director..."

* * *

Abe Simpson stood there with his own surprised eyes as seeing a floating DeLorean in the sky about to take off to the future.

"What the? Is my eyes lying to me!..." Abe said as he blinked his eyes over and over again. "My god! It's, It's... why did they choose a **DeLorean**?"

The DeLorean suddenly vanished as a track of flames appeared across the sky in a second.

"Well... better take my pills..." Abe said.

* * *

"Where the hell are we Prof." Bart said as he held his dog on his lap..

The DeLorean appeared in the reaches of the skies once again... but this time... there were floating highways and cars similar to the DeLorean's hover capabilities in the sky as well...

"Were in the Future Barty! The Year 2014!" The Professor said.

"Woah!" Bart was amazed of how much has changed.

"GRRR..." Santa's Little Helper growled at the moving vehicles.

"Now let's go to Springfield 2014. You'll see a lot of changes there, some you never thought would happen!." He said.

* * *

The DeLorean landed from it's levitating tires to road-driving tires on a road in a certain town. Bart and a Leashed Santa's Little Helper stepped out and was amazed of seeing curved buildings moving, moving panels as the sidewalks and walls, the giant TV screen having hi-hi definition, and yet people are still wearing the same old clothing.

"Man, this place makes Old Springfield look crap." Bart said.

"Well yes. Believe it or not, Springfield **2014** is still **considered an mean ugly town compared to the others**. You should look at what **New Jersey** has become... ew... New Jersey." Prof. Frink can't stand the word. "Anyway, I want you to find your father because... well... I have no idea where he would go so I thought that you might know something."

"Well... he goes to Moe's a lot." Bart answered.

* * *

Frink, Santa's Little Helper and Bart stood before Moe's as it still looked the same, yet it sounded like there were a lot of people inside due to noise and cheering.

"Now Bart, Your father is going to be send to jail permanently after robbing the bank because of his long-time bully Buck. Apparently he still bullies him after Homer took Marge at a much younger age. Anyway, you will have to go in there and keep an eye on him but make no contact at all. I will be refueling the DeLorean in the mean time." Prof. Frink said.

"Got it!" Bart said as he was next to his dog. "Come on boy!"

* * *

Bart and Santa's Little Helper entered the pub as Prof. Frink went to get some fuel. Everything look the same but then the first awkward thing he saw in the pub was a crowd of customers... he even saw **Spock, Bender, The Terminator, Chewbacca, and even spotted the Xenomorph from "ALIENS" having a drink with James Cameron**.

"Wow... didn't expect this big... anyway, Homer, where's Homer... Homer... Homer?" Bart spotted his dad.

He was old as a rusty bucket and drink so much in a way that he looked depressed, sitting beside Barney as Moe was cleaning a second cup.

Bart thought, "Wonder what happened to him."

Suddenly came Buck the Bully and his gang of three misfits who bursted through the pub.

"Oh boy... not those bozos again." Moe sighed, as Santa's Little Helper growled angrily at the bullies.

The crowd became quiet as they spotted the big hulking man

"YOU THERE! Why aren't you at the bank like I told you so!" An Old Grey-haired but muscular Buck said.

"But I just can't. I got in enough trouble for once." The Elderly Homer spoke.

"I said to rob he damn bank! Looks like you'll get your punch extra this time, bub!"

Bart couldn't let this happen and thought, "I need a disguise..."... there he spotted a cap and a red leather jacket...

"Giving you one last chance or it's smack in the head for you!

"Hey you! Pick somebody on your own size!" Bart said in different clothing

The moment that was heard, Buck turned around and came a smack on the face by a baseball bat. He fell down cold for a few seconds but stood up in an instant, helped by his gang, angrily in a fit of rage spotting the young Bart Simpson who held the grip of a baseball bat.

"GET HIM!" He yelled.

"Uh-oh..."

* * *

Bart ran outside of the pub with his leashed dog, trying to look for something that could help his escape... Then he spotted a blue skateboard.

"Good! Good! This 'Hover board'?" Bart looked at the words, "HOVERBOARD!" labeled on the surface as it was hovering and had no wheels.

"THERE HE IS! GET HIM AND HIS DOG!" They yelled.

"Run Boy! Run!" Bart gripped tight on the leash while standing on top of the hover board.

Santa's Little Helper ran as fast as the galloping wind on the road while Bart held tight onto the leash, pulling the hover board as well to a much faster speed than a skateboard. The bullies watched the kid hover boarding as fast as he could.

"Damn it. Get in the car!" Buck yelled at his gang.

Bart thought that it was safe thinking, the ghost is clear, nothing's coming at him, just no worries until a hover car comes rampaging through the roads carrying Buck and his gang.

"Your going down punk!" Buck angrily spoke.

"Uh-oh..." Bart said.

Even with the dog's speed combined with the hover board, Bart turned to the car and realize he could not outrun the hover car. He turned his head back and saw a tree in the way realizing he was hover boarding across an three-way intersection.

"STOP BOY! STOP BOY!" Bart commanded his dog.

Santa's Little Helper did what he said and Bart saw the hover car still heading this way. The two moved out of the way and the bullies were screaming because of the car about to come impact towards the tree

"NO! NOT MY CAR!" Buck yelled.

The car crashed into the tree at full speed, sending the four flying out of the car and towards the doors of the Police Department.

The sound of the crashing noises were tremendous bringing several people here, and causing Bart to say"Ooh.. Man.. Jesus... That... Woo.. Um.. Ooh..." after each crashing sound

"Oh what happened now?" Clancy Wiggum, appearing as a **fat Robocop**.

"Some guys broke into your office. I was so scared that I had to tell someone." Bart spoke in an adorable child's accent.

"Aww... you just let me take care of the bad guys and... say? Do I know you?"

"Uh... no mister.. I uh.. just visiting here..."

"Aww... isn't that adorable. Ain't that right 'Robby The Robot'?"

"YOU THREATENED ME TO WORK HERE. I SHOULD BE AT THE **FORBIDDEN PLANET** BY NOW WITH MY FAMILY INSTEAD OF WITH YOU DUMBASS... BEEP..."

"Yeah, that's right. We all love cookies."

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN HAVE TO... WHAT'S THE POINT ANYMORE?" Robby the Robot sighed.

* * *

Everyone watched as the elderly gang were being arrested one by one, pushed into a police car.

"What has happened here?" Prof. Frink came to the scene.

"I got these cronies into jail and Homer is off the hook."

"Wait a minute? If they're going to jail than..." Prof. Frink took out a newspaper and looked at the front page. "Bart! Look at this newspaper. It's the one I grabbed after this time period has happened."

"Homer is arrested... wait? The headlines and pictures are changing to Big Jerk Ass is Arrested." Bart astonished of what has happened to the newspaper

"We change the timeline! Hurrah!"

"Yep, and we can go home with a few bets if you know what I mean..." Bart held a book from the future that said, "America's Bets of the 20th Century."

"Bart you fool! Why did you purchased that? One change in time could bring a huge difference in this time period! Haven't you heard of the Butterfly effect before? We can't bring that just for some gambling money through my time machine."

"Time Machine?" Buck thought, easedropping onto the conversation as he was about to be pushed into the car.

"Anyway, we shouldn't even be talking about this. Time travel is illegal in the future. I have to still fix the DeLorean at my little hut I have. You stay here. Can't have you interact with anyone in the future. Got it!" Prof. Frink said.

"Fine..." Bart sighed.

As Frink left, Bart said, "Wait for him to fix a Time Machine? That will probably forever. I 'm checking out the future, come on Little Helper."

Bart left with Santa's Little Helper who smiled with his tongue out, wanting to check what's new in the future.

* * *

Bart and Santa's Little Helper walked on the suburban sidewalk, seeing what joys is ahead during the night.

"Hey! It's my house! Let's see what the family is up too... and what I'm up too, heh, heh." Bart said.

Bart looked through the window and saw a family eating at the table, an Elderly Bald Homer and Elderly Wrinkled Marge sitting with a 27 Year Old Lisa and a 20 Year Old Maggie eating dinner at the table... looking like there not in a good mood for anything

"Huh? Where's Older Me and why does everyone look... depressed and miserable?" Bart said.

Through the window, he saw a depressed family eating a dish of food on the table, chatting about one certain night...

"It's that day again... the day he disappeared on us."

"Yeah, he missed my birthday but I still don't care about what happened to him..." Lisa said.

"Lisa? Why do you keep mentioning that? Aren't you a rich billionaire now?" Homer sighed.

"Yeah... Made my billions in a clean energy and somehow I'm not happy for some reason..." Lisa sighed

Maggie spoke "Y..." until...

"Maggie! **Don't talk** with your mouth full!" Marge said angrily.

"It's been many days and I can't believed that he died at the daredevil show... I just can't believe it..."

"Whatever... I never liked his stubborn stupid attitude anyway..." Lisa poked around her food.

"Lisa. Don't say that. He missed it because of that..."

"...Because he went to the daredevil show instead of my birthday... the proudest and best thing happened to me on my ninth birthday than the others..."

The Family continued to eat in there depressing talk, but Bart was confused and said, "Birthday?, Daredevil Show?, Someone Died?"

"Yes, Bart. I didn't want you to go nosing around but someone did died, or so it looked like that." Prof. Frink came with a band aid on his head.

"Hi Frink... By the way, where's Older Bart?" He asked.

"You don't get it do you? You are OLDER BART! You always have been! On the night of Lisa's ninth Birthday, there was an explosion at the Daredevil show. Almost everyone got killed there and luckily your friends survived. Your family thought you were there ditching your sisters party, what they didn't know is that you were traveling through time meaning you were missing in the present and so is why they are depressed along with a Lisa filled with hatred through her blood against you! Even when you died!"

"No, this can't be happening. No, no, no..."

"I'm afraid it is Bart, but we can fix this if we send you back to the present."

"Say, what happened to your head?"

"I think a tool just landed on me or something." Frink said.

"Uh-huh..."

* * *

A stream of lightning arose during the night sky as a drunken hobo with a camera walked by. Out came the DeLorean setting a trail of flames behind it, shocking the hobo in thrilling fear.

"UFO! UFO! IT'S HERE!" He took a picture.

The next minute later, the picture came out as **Bigfoot in the woods**.

* * *

The DeLorean drove to its next destination, Bart's House but it was strange in a way... more protective than usual...

"Huh. Since when does my house have metal bars on the windows?" Bart stepped out of the car as Santa's Little Helper growled angrily at the house.

"I don't know. Must be some money scam your father's pulling again. Well now, go on." Frink said.

Frink drove to home, while Bart and an angry Santa's Little Helper went to the door, but as they touch the door knob, it was locked.

"Who would need this much protection?" Bart said.

"Hey you! Get out of here or else!" Hibbert came through the window with a rifle in his hand.

"Dr. Hibbert?"

"Doctor? What are you talking about? The hospital has been abandoned for years. Now get off my lawn or else!" Hibbert loaded his rifle.

"Okay! Okay!... Wait a minute? What am I saying?... this is my house!"

Suddenly a warning shot came contact to the ground near Bart forcing him to say, "Keep the house..."

Bart and Santa's Little Helper were walking on the dark lonely streets filled with trash, graffiti, groups of police cars coming in each highway, houses heavily protected, and used bullets on the road.

"Man, it's either **George Bush did a number on this place or Chuck Norris been playing Baseball with meteors again..."**

"Get off my lawn you!" Skinner came holding a shotgun, a bandana around his head, and wearing his old army clothes.

"What happened to you? Shouldn't you be principle of the school?"

"School? There is no school here anymore! It got burned down seven years ago." Skinner said.

"Wait? What! Your joking right?"

"No, apparently Buck is now in control of everything in this town. He's letting crime spread to every loose corner. **Nental's now a gardener** for pity sake.

"Tally ho!" Mr. Nental smiled in a **British Accent** as he was gardening his flowers next to Skinner's House.

Suddenly Bart and his dog heard ranting and bursts of guns through the air, turning around he saw a bunch of bikers shooting bullets in the air. Skinner gripped his shotgun and attempting a warning shot but the Bikers were already off causing mayhem and trouble in their path. Bart and Santa's Little Helper, who did not want to be a part of this, ran away as fast as he could.

* * *

"What the heck happened! I thought this was supposed to be fixed when I got here and... Ay Carumba..." He stopped at what was once town hall...

What once stood a town hall was now the largest casino tower he has ever seen with the words, "Buck's Golden Palace!"

Bart and Santa's Little Helper walked towards the tower and spotted a flat TV screen at the entrance showing how this all happened...

"Hello their fellow TV Viewer!" The Narrator of the TV spoke. "Your probably wondering how Buck became rich with his billions? Easy! He was lucky! Won all bets as easy as he can. With this money he bought Mr. Burns's Nuclear Power Plant."

Bart and his dog watched as Buck tossed Mr. Burns out of the Nuclear Power Plant landing to the ground.

"After that, he married his sweetheart from elementary school, Marge Bouvier."

"WHAT THE 'BLEEP'! IS THIS!" Bart yelled, seeing the TV screen showing a happy Buck holding the hand of a drugged depressed Marge coming out of the wedding chapel.

Bart suddenly became disgusted that he just wanted to throw up badly after seeing Buck kissing lip by lip on his own mother like an animal, just seeing it wrong in many ways.

"After that, Buck set out his next mission... he bought Springfield and turned it into his own democratic way."

"Democratic? That's tyranny right there!" Bart saw the peaceful Springfield turns into a Polluted Gangster Hangout.

"Buck, the man who changed everything."

"No! No! No! This is insane! What the heck happened?" Bart said to himself.

"Hey you! Bart Hickel." A Man came to him with two of his friends.

"Your Buck's gang. Wait? Hickel?"

"That's not news to me and what's with you? Your last name is Hickel as in Buck Hickel."

"No. This can't be happening... This can't be..."

A minute later Bart was knocked out by a club on the head.

"Does that kid ever shut up? Hey pooch! What's he growling at?" One of Buck's Friends spotted Bart's dog

Santa's Little Helper growled at the three but instead of attacking he ran away in angry, barking for help.

* * *

"Oh... where am I?" Bart awoke, finding himself in a bed.

"Rest... Your Alright..." A Familiar Voice was heard.

Bart decided to get up as there were more important things than this.

"Oh... mom, I had a terrible dream that... tha... uh.. why do you have those... those.. uh... big.. you know." Bart was in almost silence in the most awkward way after seeing her mother in an nearly-revealing purple dress with a chest that's... a bit huge, let's put it that way.

"It was surgery. I didn't want them, your father, Buck, did." Marge spoke in an slightly depressing voice. "At least your okay but what are you doing here?"

Suddenly out came an angry Buck who bursted in like a wild bull from a rodeo and said, "WHY AREN'T YOU IN PRIVATE SCHOOL AT GERMANY YOU!". Unlike the elderly Buck or the kid Buck... this Buck had brown short hair and wore an expensive type of pajama made of a skinned deer.

"This can't be happening..."

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY AT THE FREAKING SCHOOL! BUT WHAT DO YOU DO! YOU COME BACK HERE AFTER ALL THAT MONEY I PUT!"

"You don't talk to him like that! He's our kid you know." Marge spoke depressingly.

"NO! He's your kid! You got him when you married that Homer guy! REMEMBER!"

"At least he meant something to me."

"Meant something? MEANT SOMETHING! I PAID FOR YOUR IMPLANTS!"

"I never wanted them. You forced me too... I... I don't want to live here anymore... I just want to leave..."

"IF YOU LEAVE! THAN I WILL CUT OFF YOUR TWO OTHER CHILDREN FROM COLLEGE FUNDS, ALLOWANCES, CHILD SUPPORT, EVERYTHING! YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND OFF BY YOURSELF WHILE YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALL ALONE, NOT EVEN HAVING THE MONEY COME BACK TO THE US! AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER? The one who's in JAIL FOR BEATING ME? HUH?"

"Well at least some one has the guts to kick his behind." Bart said.

"YOU SHUTUP! Anyway... IF YOU LEAVE RIGHT NOW! I GAURANTEE YOU WILL BE STUCK EMPTY HANDED AND LOSE EVERYTHING!" He yelled.

"O..Okay... you.. your the one who supports my children... I'm... useless with.. without you." Marge looked at the ground sadly covering her face with her bare hands.

Buck left and Bart went to his mother, as he wanted some questions to be answered.

"Mom, what the heck happened? He mentioned that you married Homer Simpson, how the hell could you give up on him and marry someone who disrespects you in every way? Where's my father?"

"He was just here, angry and upset about you being here."

"No not him. I mean my real father. Homer Simpson." Bart asked.

"Why are you asking that? Don't you already know?"

"Where is he?"

"He's been in the same place he's always been ever since that one day..."

"Wh..What are you saying?"

* * *

It was a rainy night as the cemetery appeared at its darkest, Bart quickly searched through the cemetery for one particular thing under his raincoat with the help of a lantern. After several minutes of searching... he finally found what he was looking for. Homer Simpsons Tombstone.

"No. No... This can't be freaking happening! This has got to be a freaking nightmare! IT HAS TO BE!" Bart said.

"This ain't no nightmare Bart." A hand landed on Bart's Shoulder.

Bart turned around to see Santa's Little Helper but also Prof. Frink who held an black large umbrella.

"You may call this whatever you like but this is reality. I knew you would come here after I went to the library to look at some articles. Such as this one." Prof. Frink showed him one particular newspaper.

That newspapers headline was, "HOMER SIMPSON KILLED IN ACCIDENT" with a picture of two busted cars

"I'm sorry for your loss but you must come with me immediately! Something has changed the present and I have an idea what."

Prof. Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper were in a dusty and unorganized version of Frink's Home as Frink was looking for some chalk.

"Tell me. Do you still have the book filled with bets of the 20th Century?" Frink asked.

"No. I left it in the DeLorean."

"Exactly, and it was missing but I also found this." Prof. Frink said, showing him a jacket with the name, "BUCK" on it. "This is Buck's Jacket from the future. I was knocked out by a 'tool' which really must've been Buck who escaped from jail. He must've gone to the past and changed everything by not being lucky but actually winning bets due to that book from the future he must've gave to his younger self, thus creating a more grittier version of Springfield or hell if you wish to call it."

"Then let's just go to the future and stop him." Bart said.

"No can do! If we go to the future, we'll go to the alternate future of this alternate present! We must go to the past where Older Buck will be. There, we will take the book back and stop this reign of terror... but we need an exact date where he's going."

"Leave that to me." Bart said.

* * *

Buck was relaxing on his couch watching his large theater sized TV screen of an sci-fi flick... until it suddenly turned off.

"Oh what now! Where's the remote!" Buck said.

"You mean this remote?" Bart stood in front of the angry man.

"Yes! GIVE IT NOW YOU TWERP!"

"I don't know about that... especially a book called, 'American Bets of The Twentieth Century'."

"Huh?... Let's talk..."

"Just tell me how, where, and when you got the book?"

"You really want to know. Huh, you won't believe me but some old crazy nutcase gave it to me saying that he's a relative of mine in the year 1967. The same year where my favorite bike got ruined by..."

"... manure I believe?"

"Yeah... How do you know?"

"Uh... My dad told me it when he was alive."

"Oh. Well, when he gave it to me, he says that I'll be rich and famous. Luck it is he says. A glorious future! After that he disappears." Buck took a sip from a cup of alcohol.

"Is that all?"

"Actually there was one more thing... he says that if some blonde-hair kid or some nutty professor comes... well. I bet you know what that means." Buck pulled out a pistol from under his Fancy Pajamas. "Never thought it would be you too..."

Bart spotted the pistol in his hand and had to think quick.

"Uh... look! Someone's messing with your favorite DVD collection!" Bart pointed to a DVD collection.

Buck turned around and realized he got fooled by the oldest trick in the book. Already, he saw Bart dashing his way out of Buck's TV Room. The chase was on. Buck rushed his way upstair to follow the boy and so it lead them to the surface of the Casino Tower.

"End of line Twerp." Buck grinned. "Tell you what, I'll give ya a choice. You can either be shot dead right here or you can jump off the building and make it look like an accident. Just like your dad I believe."

"The whole time it was no accident..." Bart said.

"Yep."

"You could be arrested for your crimes! The Police will get here!"

"I own the police kid! Just like I own Springfield. Now are you going to fall or stay here and get shot? Which is it?"

Bart looked down from where he was standing seeing it was a long drop... still he walked off the building apparently to his doom.

"Good riddance." Buck grinned and was about to leave.

"Hey Buck!" A boy's voice was heard.

Buck turned around and saw Bart standing on top of a DeLorean with Prof. Frink and Santa's Little Helper inside as it was hovering in the night skies.

"What the!"

Bart swing his way through the DeLorean's window as Buck tried to shoot the thing, but the bullets just bounced off the steel.

"What year Bart?" Frink asked.

"1967."

"Of course! Hold on tight!" Frink said.

The DeLorean hovering in the air started to take off as a bolt of electricity appeared, vanishing the car and leaving a trail of flames to Buck's surprise.

* * *

Trails of flames roared after a streak of lightning as they have landed in the year 1967... not only that it was near the same sign where Bart parked the car from before and not only that they parked the car behind the sign again.

"Now remember Bart. This is an advanced version of a walkie-talkie. I can talk to you from anywhere no matter how far you are. Put on these clothes too and you might need this backpack to carry some stuff. You look like a total stranger with these. Santa's Little Helper will stay with me as we don't know what trouble he could cause." Prof. Frink gave him black clothing and a red cap. "Also you must get that book as the fate of the present rests in your hands. Older Buck who has the book will go to younger buck. You must go there immediately and remember don't run into your other self as you are a time paradox which could lead to devastating results! Got that!"

"Gotcha!" Bart was given the black clothing, the backpack and the red cap.

* * *

Bart was walking through public wearing jeans, a green backpack, a black leather jacket, and a red cap as he stepped into the town square seeing Jebediah Springfield Statue, the old clock, and the diner for kids but no Buck.

"Man, where could Buck be?" Bart asked.

"Why he's at his house. It's located at Blue Avenue Street." **Yoda spoke**, next to Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi.

"You guys again! I thought you were just a hallucination of my imagination." Bart said.

"Were still are. We just hope you can end the reign of the **Emperor.. er** .. I mean that jerk Buck for dissing our movies." Obi-Wan said.

"Oh.. Well... uh thanks for telling me." Bart was about to leave.

"Oh and Bart."

Bart turned back wanting to hear what they have to say.

"**Let the Force be with you Bart**." Yoda said.

"Uh-huh..." Bart said, and so he left.

"Well that's finally over with. You want to go to Moe's Pa's Bar?" Anakin asked.

"Sure why not?" The rest of the two spoke.

* * *

Bart was hiding in the bushes as Buck walked by. He held his walkie talkie to his mouth, informing Frink.

"Come in Four Eyes. Come in Four Eyes. I have spotted the Jerk Ass. I repeat. I have spotted the Jerk Ass." Bart said.

"Roger that Bart and stop calling me **Four Eyes**." Prof. Frink yelled. "What's he doing?"

"He's in his father's car. Guess the guy can drive or something."

"Quick! Hop in or hold unto under the car before he goes. Over and Out!" Frink said.

Bart put up his walkie talkie and as the minute he hopped in, Buck stepped out seeing a mechanic coming by.

"Finally, is my bike ready?" Buck said.

"I'll have it for you tomorrow. 200 bucks."

"What? I'll get that pip squeak for letting manure get all over my bike!"

"Yeah and I need my 200 bucks, you hear?"

"Errr... Here." Ten-Year Old Buck handed him the money.

As the man left, Buck spotted a young Marge walking with a young Maude and Launn who held a dress for the dance.

"Hey cupcake. Why don't you go to the dance with big Buck here?" Buck asked.

"I'm not going out with some big jerk like you." Marge said, already annoyed of Buck's face.

"Your going out with that Homer kid?" He grunted.

"No. I'm going out with Bart." She said.

Suddenly Bart who was hiding in the truck became disgusted of what his soon-to-be mom said.

"Oh come on! That pip squeak got nothing!" He said.

"Bite me, crack head." Marge walked off.

Buck angrily went to his father's car until he spotted someone in it already.

"Get out of there old man!"

"You shouldn't speak to your elders like that... Especially when you have the chance to be rich." Older Buck spoke.

"Uh-huh. Rich? Like that's ever happening." Young Buck thought it was a joke.

"You want to marry that girl over there? Your going to have to be rich. This book will provide you all the money you can by winning bets." Older Buck handed him the book.

Young Buck took the book and said, "Okay. Now get out of my car old man!"

"You still don't believe me? Do you?" Older Buck said, turning on the car's radio.

"What are you doing. Get out of there!"

"Listen! Today's a horse race and the winner is Vincent."

The Host of the Horse Races started talking loud and fast on the radio, "Look at that! Jumpster is taking the lead! I don't know folks! This could end with Jumpster as the winner!"

"See! Jumpster winning. Now get out."

"Hold on folks! Jumpster just broke his leg, it seems Vincent is the WINNER!" The Host yelled out loud on the radio.

Buck looked at it with a little surprise and suddenly he said, "Huh... I'm convinced..."

"Good..." He stepped out of the car. "Don't ever lose that... and another thing. If you see some strange kid or a nutty professor. Well than... make them swim with the fishes."

"Uh... sure?" Younger Buck had no idea what that meant.

The Young Buck started the car heading to the dance as the Old Buck suddenly just vanished without a trace.

* * *

It was nighttime, and Buck The Bully parked his car and stepped out as Bart was hiding under a picnic blanket on the back seat.

"Time to teach that Bart a piece of my mind..." Buck strengthened his fist.

"Like that will ever happened." Bart whispered to himself, stepping out of the vehicle.

* * *

Bart followed Buck as he was taking a short walk to the School's Gym while reading 'America's Bets of The Century.' until he was halted by a tall man at the front door as Bart was hiding behind a tree.

"Hold it right there Buck. Is that a porno magazine in your hand again? You know you can't bring it here and... " Elementary School Principle Dondelinger swiped the book from his hands. "You can go on now but if I see this again, it's a whole years of detention for you!"

"Whatever." Buck entered the gym.

Bart now had to follow the Principle if he had to get it, not knowing what could happen next. As the principle walked off to the parking lot, he stopped by at his car, opened it and threw the book inside. He then left, not even locking it, as Bart was hiding behind another car.

"Finally something goes my way." Bart came as no one was there.

He opened the door and quickly grabbed the book saying, "Yes! The present is now save thanks to this... Bully Magazine? I didn't even know there was something called **Bully Magazine**." Bart said. "But if this isn't the book than Buck must still have it where could he..."

"Oh my god. What's this. This is unexpected." A large gathering of voices were heard as a crowd of people stood around an unconscious Buck.

"Of course! Homer punched that jerk!" Bart thought.

Bart ran to the group of Elementary Students to retrieve the magazine.

"Who the heck are you?" A Ten Year Old Kirk Van Houten asked.

No one in the crowd knew who Bart was after that skateboard incident due to Bart looking like a total strange in black clothing than his original clothes.

"Don't worry. I know CPR."

"Uh.. what's CPR?" Ten Year Old Akira asked.

"Oh that's right. They don't teach it to the public until the 70's." Bart thought.

Bart had no idea what to do than so he only had one option. He quickly grabbed the book rolled up in Buck's Pants Pocket and ran off as fast as he can. Everyone watched this and Ten Year Old Charlie said, "That guy took his wallet!"

"Wait... Who took my wallet?" Buck awoke from his unconscious state.

"Some guy wearing a black coat."

"Dammit! How can this get worst!" Buck became angry, shoving the crowd of some of his fellow classmates to chase the stranger known as Bart.

* * *

Bart quickly ran into the gym, hoping that he will lose him in a crowd of ten year old students.

"Where is that punk!" Buck said.

"Hey boss... uh... we um... took care of that kid." Buck's Gang came.

"Oh yeah... then why is he on the stage singing Elvis Presley Tunes?" Buck became furious, but everyone but Buck's Gang ignored him and just listened and danced to the song. "Okay, you know what. I'll go find whoever stole my wallet and you go take care of that Bart kid! YOU GOT THAT!"

"Y..Yes boss." Buck's three misfits were afraid of the big guy.

The three walked off and Bart, who heard the whole conversation, stepped out and said, "Their going to whoop my other self's butt. Got to stop them."

* * *

Bart ran onto the stage, but behind the curtains seeing himself playing the guitar and singing the same song from before. It was quite... awkward to see himself but he also didn't want himself to get beaten by bullies because they were on the other side of the stage, behind the curtain, waiting for their chance to get payback after the song's over.

"What to do? What to do? Wait? That's what **I sound like?**" Bart watching his other self sang and playing the guitar on the stage.

"_I thought my picking would set 'em on fire  
But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man.  
Well  
I nearly 'bout starved to death down in Memphis_

I run out of money and luck.  
So  
I bummed me a ride down to Macon  
Georgia  
On a overloaded poultry truck.  
I Thumbed on down to Panama City  
Started pickin' out some of the all night bars

Hopin' I can make myself a dollar

Makin' music on my guitar.  
Got the same old story at them all night piers

There ain't no room around here for a guitar man."

"Sandbags." Bart spotted sandbags hanging over the three misfits. "Hmm... this gives me an idea... Wait? **Did I really do that**?"

Suddenly Bart's Other self began playing the guitar loudly that he slided on the floor and **rammed it to the ground, destroying it into pieces like a crazy Metallica Fan would do. **Bart's Other Self stood up from the stage with a broken guitar in his hand and saw the crowd staring at him.

"Well... uh... guess these kids aren't ready for this kind of music." Bart's Other self stood before the silent crowd. "Trust me though, when you're in your teens, you're going to scream out 'KISS', 'Metallica', and 'Rolling Stone' all the time at concerts. You'll love it."

Bart quickly released some ropes from the stage and suddenly the three misfits were covered in dozens of sandbags, while Bart's Other Self just walked on them as if he didn't knew they were there.

"Whew... that was a close one..."

* * *

Bart quickly ran to the exit until suddenly a fist came flying at his face and dropped to his back and legs.

"Ow..."

"So your the one who stole my book! Thinking you can be rich eh?" Buck spoke taking back the book from his pockets. "See ya later pipsqueak."

* * *

Prof. Frink was walking under the night with Santa's Little Helper at Springfield's Town Square talking on the walkie talkie.

"Good! You avoided and saved your other self at the same time... wait? The book is still in Buck's Possession! Bart! You must get the book at all cost! The consequences can be heavily devastating! I'll be there to help you okay! Meet me at the top floor of the gym! You hear!"

"Hey you! Can you help me out here!" A familiar voice was heard.

Prof. Frink turned around in surprise, covering his face with a hat, as he saw his younger self setting up the wires for Bart's Other Self.

"Uh... um...?" Prof. Frink not knowing what to say.

"Hand me my five-eights wrench will you?" He asked.

"Don't you mean three-quarters?" He answered.

"Why... yes?"

"Some kind of weather experiment?" Prof. Frink handed the wrench to Ten Year Old Frink who was more focused on the wire than looking at his face.

"Uh.. yes. How did you know?"

"I have some experience in that area too. It's going to be a heck of a storm. With the electrons, the plasma, the nimbus 'GLAVIN'. Hmm... Who's that? She looks quite familiar."

"That's just Eleanor. She's quite strange but she's a friend of mines recently. Nice dog you have their"

"It's a friends dog. Well... you'll have a big future ahead of you. I can assure you that." Prof. Frink said, hiding himself by the streetlight where the wire is attached to.

"Nice talking to you. We might bump someday in the future again." Ten Year Old Frink connected the two wires.

"Or in the past..." Frink walked off...

Ten Year Old Frink grabbed a screwdriver from his rusty tool box and looked back to the man he just talked too... feeling like he knew him from somewhere.

* * *

Several minutes later...

"I blew it! I blew it! He's got the book!" Bart spoke.

Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Frink were on top of the gym as the DeLorean was parked there.

"Don't feel terrible yet! We can still catch him! Which way did he go?" Frink asked.

"South! To the bridge!" He said.

"We can still make it Bart. Quick into the DeLorean! Now!"

* * *

It was the pitch black skies and Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Prof. Frink spotted a car at the bridge from the hovering DeLorean. Bart looked at it and said, "Yes! That's the one! Let's ram his car into pieces Prof."

"No can do. It could leak the radiation if I do that. I have a better idea." Prof. Frink said.

The DeLorean hovered closely to the road and near Buck's Father's Car as Bart held a hover board, the same one from the future.

"We have one chance Bart! Make this count!" Frink said.

"Can do!"

Bart hovered his board quietly to the car as Buck was driving it, he quickly held on to the left side edge of the car and gave a thumbs up to Frink. Frink responded with a thumbs up and drove his car into the skies slowly as Buck turned around thinking he heard something.

"Whew." Bart was hiding behind the car, still grabbing a hold of the edge.

The boy began to slowly went to the passenger's front door. He opened the door quietly and spotted the book in his reach! He extended his hand silently to the book hoping Buck won't noticed. He was almost there, the grasp of the book was in his hands... until Buck turned on the radio at the dog racing channel, he was going to reach for the book to check on a bet but then he spotted Bart trying to get it away from him.

"You just won't quit!" Buck said.

He punched Bart right in the face causing him to let go of the car but he still manage to maintain a grip on the back right side of the car. Buck was furious of still seeing that he was here until he spotted a truck coming by on the right.

"Heh heh." Buck grinned.

"I don't like the looks of this..."

Buck slowly drove his car to the right as the Truck was picking up speed in the same direction the car was going. The truck almost hit Bart but he grabbed his hover board and jumped onto the car grabbing a hold of the book as Buck's Father's Car was finally out of bridge.

"You little punk! COME HERE!" Buck became angry that he let go of the driving wheel.

Suddenly a long line of rope appeared from the skies out of nowhere with Bart smiling, "See ya!". Buck turned his head to the skies and saw a hovering DeLorean with his own eyes as Bart was making his way up to the car.

"Hey Buck! You might want to pay another extra 200 if you know what I mean..." Bart chuckled as he made his way into the DeLorean.

Buck turned around and saw that his car was going to fast and was heading to a parked truck of manure.

"NO! NO! NOOOOOOO! I HATE MANURE!" He yelled, but it was too late.

Bart laughed as Buck and his father's car crashed into the truck.

"Why? Why does this happen to me. Why is it manure?" Buck whined like a baby instead of the tough mean bully he is.

* * *

A storm was coming, the same storm that meant Bart's Other Self's way home. The DeLorean landed in the middle of nowhere as Bart held the magazine in his hand next to Santa's Little Helper.

"Here boy! This is some homework you can eat." Bart gave it to Santa's Little Helper.

The dog began shredding the magazine into small little pieces at a point it can't be taped back or read ever again. Bart and his dog entered the parked DeLorean and asked, "Is the timeline changed back to normal?"

"Yes it is! Look!" Prof. Frink handed Bart a newspaper of the Alternate Present.

The Headlines "HOMER SIMPSON KILLED IN ACCIDENT" suddenly changed to "**HOMER SIMPSON WON ANNUAL PORKCHOP EATING CONTEST**".

"Oh thank god." Bart said.

"Let's go home." Frink said.

The DeLorean hovered in the skies with Frink, Bart and Santa's Little Helper into the stormy skies... but out of nowhere! A strong burst of lightning striked the DeLorean causing it to vanish immediately.

* * *

"What the heck is happening!" Bart said as the DeLorean was traveling through a blue portal of clocks.

"The Hovering Version of the DeLorean does not need 88 miles per hour to travel through time unless you want to use the time travel capabilities on the road! Right now the hovering version of the DeLorean just needs a strong power 1.21 gigawatts which is usually the Recycled Energy Bin at the back of the DeLorean with lots of radiation! That surge of lightning is that 1.21 gigawatts! We are now! Going to some random time period!"

"You mean like whatever that's leading us?" Bart pointed to a bright light.

* * *

The next minute later, Prof. Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper awoke in a busted smoked version of the DeLorean.

"Huh, the readouts says were in 1945 and according to my personal GPS, were not in the US anymore. Were in Europe. Europe 1945... why does that sound really familiar?" Frink said.

Suddenly a bunch of US soldiers aimed their rifles at the three.

"What's going on?" Frink asked

"Wait a minute... Flying Hellfish Tattoos? WWII Rifles? Strong Odor?" Bart seemed to notice something familiar about them.

A Man came through the group of soldiers revealing himself to be a Young Abe Simpson holding a Springfield Rifle in his hand.

Suddenly Frink and Bart looked at each other as the dog was drooling happily between the two.

* * *

TO BE...

CONTINUED...

* * *

(WHAT'S NEXT? WHY ARE THEY IN EUROPE INSTEAD OF THE US? WILL THEY SURVIVE THE WAR OR MAYBE JUST SENT TO SPRINGFIELD? AND IS GEORGE LUCAS MAKING ANOTHER **RIP-OFF RE-RE-RE-RE-RELEASE** OF A STARWARS FILM?"

"So uh... who's that?" Bart asked Young Abe Simpson at a diner, drinking a chocolate milkshake.

"That's Christine. Were dating."

Suddenly Bart spewed his chocolate milkshake all over him.

* * *

"Dude! Why is a hound using a machien gun!" Bart spotted a Dog Using a Machine Gun to save his fellow soldiers in combat.

* * *

"So this mafia is giving you trouble? What can I do to help?" Bart asked Abe in a Speakeasy.


	50. BACKWARDS IN TIME Part III

Hello again, anyway it's been some time but here it is. I can tell you taht the next parter will be just for laughs but the last two parters of the miniseries will be more serious, still have jokes though. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Story 48 "Backwards In Time Part III: Abe Days" Synopsis: Bart goes through time once again into the 1950s... there he must deal with Abe Simpson finding his love, the Springfield Mafia, Frink's Father, and Bouvier's drinking... will he succeeed?

Opening Gag: Otto is riding on a unicorn across the sky as he's hallucinating

Billboard Gag: "Need an Lawyer? Speak to Lionel Hutz, ATTORNEY OF LAW... NO CAMERA'S, NEWS REPORTERS, or AGENTS PLEASE..."

Chalkboard Gag: "I will not trick Charlie Brown into kicking the football", "I will not trick Charlie Brown into kicking the football"

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch, South Park animated style, looking like a family of cardboard characters moving up to the couch.

* * *

"This is The Director Here Speaking... as I said before, only God himself has control over time and Humans who do will only misuse it or at least unintentionally by accident... here? A nutty professor, a drooling canine, and an underachiever travel through the time period of Abe Simpson through the unlucky strike of lightning... too strong as it was a direct hit and not conducting wires. That direct hit fried the whole car into a point that it can have time and space traveling abilities. Time sounds crazy but space? What's next? Godzilla rising from the volcano. Still, the story of how they found out more about Abe's life and especially how he met Bart's grandmother is an interesting tale. Sincerely The Director..."

* * *

Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper were all held at an trench as they were about to be interrogated.

"Who are you? Japanese, German, The **Surrendering Poor Excuse French**?" Abe said to a captive Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper. "Tell me where you from stranger. Don't try escaping in that goofy weapon of yours. We put that shiny car in the most secret place ever!"

"You mean that sheet of blanket covering the DeLorean?" Bart pointed the car next to Iggy Wiggum.

Suddenly Abe pulled out a pocket watch and began waving back and forth saying, "In the count of 1, 2, 3 you didn't see anything, you will tell me what you're up too!"

"Are you supposed to hypnotize us or something?" Frink asked.

Abe faced towards Arnie Gumble and said, "There minds are more** powerful** than we thought."

"Well are they American or German?" Arnie asked.

They looked back and saw Bart released gas by farting, Santa's Little Helper burped like an belching animal, and Prof. Frink picking his nose as deep as he could.

"Yep. There a little **too** American if you ask me..." Abe said.

"Well anyway, you should come with us for now because..."

_**BOOM!**_ An artillery shot through the American's defenses, the troops stood up from the war grounds and said, "Oh yeah... you guys are in the middle of a trench you know! Stay here! The K-9 Unit will be coming soon!"

"The K-9 Unit?" Bart asked.

They watched Abe took cover at the trench and out of nowhere a group of nine different dogs appeared. Abe turned towards the three captives and said, "This is the K-9 Unit!"

"K-9, Canine? What are a bunch of dogs going to do?" Bart asked angrily, being caught in the middle of a war he felt that he was doomed.

"There going to do this! You little rascals! Seize those bunkers over there!" He yelled.

The dogs did as he commanded, running through the battlefield, jumping over the fences, and quickly dodge the enemy artillery... but one canine, a bulldog suddenly got shot in the leg unable to run at all. He was stuck but a heroic little Chihuahua, the size of a person's hand, dragged him away from the battlefield as a husky ran to a machine gun mounted to an broke-down car. The Husky began firing the large mounted machine gun at German soldiers to get the little bulldog to safety.

Bart who unexpectedly seen it only had this to say, "Grandpa telling the story of a dog using a gun against Germans is actually true?"

The bulldog managed to get to safety but the Husky was still providing support as the rest of the K-9 unit had to reach a bunker. The Husky manage to take down many German Soldiers in a blink of an eye before they could even spot the rest of the K-9 Unit... it was successful until a crosshair of a Sniper Scope moves directly at the Husky's head... everything went black and the sound of a bullet emerged...

* * *

At the cemetery, Abe Simpson in his military uniform, Bart Simpson, John Frink, Santa's Little Helper in their regular clothing and the rest of the K-9 Dogs saluted as the American Anthem was played. A Tombstone said, "Sergeant **Sniffers, Medal of Honor**".

"Here lies Sergeant Sniffers. A Good Soldier, A Good Friend, and A Good Poker player?" The Priest read the paper dedicated to the funeral.

The priest looked ahead of the people and saw a bunch of dogs in clothes playing **poker**, mimicking a certain **painting.**

"Anyway, yatta yatta, good meat handler too. Funeral's over folks." The Priest sighed.

After the funeral, Bart chatted with Prof. Frink for a while to discuss some matters.

"Didn't know they give these kinds of awards to dogs." Bart whispered to Frink.

"There's all kinds of crazy laws in this time... but remember this, you should never ever try to change the past at all! Got that! Let's go before your grandpa comes and..."

"Hey you two! I know a diner ahead where we can get some good grub."

"Uh.. no thanks we..."

Bart's stomach suddenly growled like a vicious tiger on the hunt... he was hungry as ever...

* * *

The four of them, including the dog, sat in a diner of Springfield Town Square as they looked at the menu's and chatted a little bit.

"So how did you Americans ended up in Germany out of nowhere?" He asked.

"Oh, were uh... we came to see our uncle but uh.. he was kind of a nutcase." Bart answered.

"Oh... say, you ever have a girl back home?" Abe asked.

"No... do you?" Bart asked

Frink spoke, "I do... she's a bit of a..."

"I was talking to Old Abe here."

"Old? I'm 22... but yeah, I seen a pretty face around here." Abe said.

"Watcha doing handsome?" The Waitress came by, she had brown long hair, blue eyes, and a face that you can't stop looking at everytime the moon rosed.

"Hi ya Christine." Abe smiled.

"What you'll be having today?" She asked.

"Chilidogs for me and my friends, served hot and spicy." Abe answered.

"Can I have some beer to go with that?" Frink asked.

"Beer? I'm sorry but that's illegal. All alcoholic beverages are banned since that Prohibition Act ever appeared." She said.

"Wait? Prohibition, but that's from 1920 to 1933!" Frink said.

"Yes but that Prohibition Law is still remained here in Springfield." She said. "Get used to it if you're a heavy drinker."

"Isn't she pretty?" Abe said.

"Yeah... wait a minute? You're not in love with that girl are you?" Bart became worried as his Grandma was Mona, not Christine.

"Of course I'm in love..."

"Listen to me! This is urgent! You have to find a woman named Mona! Mona, got that!" Bart said.

"Bart, you really shouldn't interfere, it could just take care of itself and..."

"No Frink! You have to find Mona! Got that!" Bart shaked Abe wildly with his barehands.

"Uh... okay?" Abe became confused.

* * *

The three and the dog stepped out of the Diner and into 1950's Springfield Town hall... the whole place was filled with automobiles you haven't seen for a long time, the Town hall's Clock is still the same but the way people dressed? It was fancy alright, but mostly brown and grey clothing, and the sound of 50s music sounded like a lullaby of angel rather than the rock n roll of a hit music star. This is the 1950's, a place where technology has been degraded into a different life.

"Well, see ya." Abe walked away.

"Wait, but I have to..."

"Hold it right there Bart." Frink stopped him. "Take this just in case you make a mistake. It erases anyone's mind which you must use if anyone suspects you as different. Got that. I will be fixing the DeLorean at the parking area near the sidewalk which is also near a hotel that I rented. Glad that these 300 bucks mean more to people than ever in this time period. Also, your dog can be with me while you try to prevent any mishaps."

"Thanks. I'll be sure to use it for good and not evil. I learned my lesson from last time from my parent's past." Bart sighed.

* * *

Bart was looking for Abe Simpson however it was not easy as Springfield was still a big place at this time. He couldn't find him in the town square for sure so where else could he be at this day? That's just the thing, he doesn't know... he walked in another section of Springfield which oddly different, instead of the Android's Dungeons Comic Book Store there was an Antique Store, instead of the Try-N-Save Mart there was an 99 cents store, instead of Moe's Syslak's Tavern, it was a **Joe's Syslak's Suicide Hotline Company**. He couldn't find a sign of his grandpa anywhere.. until he spot him standing near a crosswalk.

"Hey Abe!" Bart yelled and ran to him in a hurry.

Abe turned around before he could took another step seeing the boy gasping for air.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to the speakeasy. Getting some soup of course." Abe said.

Abe quickly walked onto the crosswalk happily as a bunny fluffy tail until Bart saw a moving Police Car coming ahead.

"Oh my god! IT'S GOING TO HIT HIM!" Bart thought.

He quickly leaped from the ground and pushed Abe Simpson out of the way from the moving Police Car that **was calm, slow and only turned to another direction.**

"That was a close one. Could've got ran over." Bart said.

It's a good thing I landed in these **piles of old kitchen knives**." Abe said, feeling the sharpness and pointy tips of rusty dirty knives on the floor covered in oil and little pieces of vegetables.

"AHH!" Bart pulled up his grandpa.

Bart than spoke to Abe's Groin and yelled out, "Don't worry **Homer! Your fine**!"

"Has the neighborhood gone nutz?" Abe asked himself.

"Let's just go somewhere safe! This place is too dangerous!" Afraid to not exist ever again...

"It's about to be more dangerous if you don't pay up." A familiar voice was heard.

Bart saw a gang of seven people in tuxedo's two of them being familiar somehow...

"Hey Huck Hickel. Can we get this over with. The speakeasy needs some uh... 'improvements'." One of the gang members said.

"Hickel? Must be Buck the bullies dad..." Bart thought.

"Were the Springfield Mafia and were here to see our pay from Abe here." Huck said.

"Springfield Mafia? I thought it was run by Tony."

"Tony? You mean Skinny Tony, that wimp who was too afraid to take over after his dad is gone? Jesus, hey Skinny Tony! Come over here!" He yelled.

Skinny Tony came out, and as his name suggested he was skinny and even nerd-looking.

"That's Fat Tony's dad?" Bart thought. "He looks like a wimp! I wonder how he even takes over the mob..."

"Hey kid! Move aside, Abe has to pay us for..."

"I got your money you lousy gangsters! I just want to get this over with."

Abe pulled out fifty bucks from his pocket and handed Huck the money he owe him.

"Nice doing business with you. Hey Christine come over here!" He yelled.

Christine stepped out of the crowd of gangsters in an fancy purple dress... almost as if she was supposed to be somewhere.

"Christine? Oh... how could this get worst?" Abe said.

"Okay! Okay! THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT! Abe supposed to meet someone who's not named Christine! Skinny Tony is supposed to be the head of the Springfield Mafia! This is just not right!" Bart yelled.

Suddenly the gang members laughed at Bart's words of Skinny Tony going to be the head... all but Huck.

"There's nothing going on between you two is there?" Huck angrily and seriously spoke to Abe, but as the gang members were laughing he angrily blurted out, "SHUTUP! WILL YA!"

He turned back to Abe and said, "Is there anything between you? Because you got to let me know or else..." He spoke seriously.

"Nope! Nothing at all!" Abe, afraid of what Huck could do to him.

"Good." Huck spoke.

He turned to Christine and said, "Hey doll face, come on, let's get going you!"

As Abe and Bart watched the gang members leave with Christine, Abe said, "Look how they mistreat her in every way! Someone needs to teach him a lesson!"

"Why not get the cops?"

"Can't. They bribed the cops and rumor has is that during Springfield's Prohibition Law which is frustrating as it should've been over already, is that he has a secret stash of beer somewhere." Abe answered

"Yeah well, see ya later. I need to... Lisa's Party! DAMMIT! I forgot and... wait a minute?"

"Who the hecks Lisa?" He asked.

"Uh nothing..." Bart said.

"Hmm... I have a time machine... I can just go back a little earlier and make it and..." He thought.

"Say... where did this rumored stash is supposed to be? Maybe I can foil there plan." The boy asked.

"I think they say that it's a speakeasy... you know the place that sells terrible soup." He said. "I can show you if you want."

"Oh good! Where?"

"Right **behind** ya." Abe showed him the Speakeasy that was right behind him. "Well, I got to go. I have to pay the rest of the bills."

"Good luck." Bart said.

* * *

Bart entered the area and saw only a few people, mostly hobos and the poor having a taste of poorly made soup.

"Huh... now where would that booze be?" Bart thought

"Hey you! What are you doing here?" Skinny Tony asked.

Apparently he was the chef around here and possibly the creator of the terrible soup here as well...

"Oh. Hi. How come your not the head and Huck is?"

"My dad died of a heart attack and so I couldn't run it at the time because I had to work at a university. Now, Huck is in charge and I'm the low-life troop of the place. Huck has been running in trouble with the law even if he's bribed the police. If I run the mob, I could run things more smoothly and secretively... also I have a son coming and I don't have the cash to afford it."

"What if I could help you get to the top?"

"Uh-huh. Like that can happened."

"Well... um, do you sell liquor here?" Bart asked, hoping for an answer.

"Liquor? What does a kid need liquor for? If it's explosives, they got a fireworks store just across the street."

"Okay..." Bart felt that this was going nowhere.

* * *

Bart stepped out of the building and onto the Town Square.

"Man, who knew helping people in the 1950's can be so hard?"

Suddenly, Bart heard another familiar voice... actually two and one being familiar while the other wasn't. He looked and saw Prof. Frink... but as a teenager and looking more like a hunk than a wimp. As for the other, it was his father who was a bit chubby, and his hair is starting to turn grey, wore some glasses too.

"Wait a minute? John Frink Sr?" Bart saw a young teenage Frink being taught by his father of law rather than science.

Bart watched as they were talking to each other... strange that it was mostly about supreme court, rules, and regulations rather than chemistry, physics, and biology...

"And further more a person who claims to be insane is sent to a mental hospital until sane and thrown into jail. Got that!" Frink's Sr. Father said.

"Yes... this is basic stuff..." Frink Sr. sighed... "Why can't I follow my own dreams. Go across the world to make albino apes screw light bulbs into ceilings?"

"Again with the science crap? Science may be important but rules must be enforced to keep things in their place. Anyway, I have to be at a meeting. Meanwhile, I want you to go to the shop and get my clothes clean and fresh, not a single mark better be on there! Got that!"

Frink Sr. sighed for a moment only to say "Yes". After that, his father walked away as Bart wanted to know what's wrong and he might get some information out of him about the Springfield Mob. Bart walked up to him and said, "Hi there!"

"Oh hi. I'm very busy so leave me alone." Frink Sr. spoke in an arrogant tone.

"I see but wouldn't it be great if you tried some science experiments?" Bart asked.

"Science? Yeah, like I would want to be that." Frink Sr. walked away.

Still Bart ran to him, slowed down and said, "But didn't you want to make albino apes and something, something."

"That's a kid's dream."

"Why would you want to do law anyway?"

"Because it keeps the world in order."

"But there are so many lawyers these days! There's a reason why they chase ambulances all day." Bart argued.

"Yeah well... bye."

Bart didn't know what to do... until he had an idea that could work.

"So uh... what kinds of laws are they?" Bart asked.

"All kinds. Criminal Laws, Tort Laws, Contract Law, **Law of Gravity**, Law of..."

"**AH-HA**! You do know science!"

"DANG IT! I mean, oh who am I kidding? The atoms splitting, the idea of looking at the sun is looking at time itself, the idea of radiation curing and causing cancer, it's just so interesting!" Frink Sr. smiled in excitement.

"Why not focus on science instead of what your father tells you to do? I mean, isn't that what liberty is about? Following your own steps." Bart said.

"Yeah, I guess... but he won't let me."

"Then talk to him, show him that science is as important as law."

"Like that's possible. He's like an **Asian Man telling his baby son to become a doctor instantly as he's born**." Frink Sr. Sighed.

"Tell him that you're not comfortable with law. He'll give in... I mean, what are you working on?"

"Well... I've thought of always building a teleporter since the idea of fossil fuel might run out and that people are looking for new faster ways to travel than waiting in a huge line for the airport."

"See... that's good... by the way. What's with the Springfield Mafia?" He asked.

"Oh those jerks. Man, they bribed the police and since they bribed the jury he can get away with anything. They destroyed my work several times. Though I hear rumors he's making a little club at the back alley of an speakeasy. That's where all the booze is." Frink Sr. said.

"Thanks!"

"Are you going there? You're going to need to look like a mob member you know." He said.

"Hmm... a mob member eh..." Bart had an idea.

* * *

Bart, Prof. Frink and Santa's Little Helper stood at the parking area where the DeLorean was finished and repaired.

"Are you really going through with this? It's a mob you're talking about!" Prof. Frink said.

"Yep. If I do this, I can send Huck right to jail, Abe won't have to worry about the mafia's bills, Skinny Tony will be the head, and your father who I just met won't have his work destroyed." Bart looked through the DeLorean for a suitcase.

"Wait? My father?"

"Yep. Anyway, I knew this would come in handy." Bart took out his suitcase.

"When did you got that?"

"Before we headed straight to the future." Bart opened.

Inside the suitcase was blue striped mob clothing's the size of a boy.

"I got this as a present from the modern day Springfield Mafia, back when I was working for them in making beverages." Bart said.

"Okay, if you know what you're doing..." Frink became a little worried.

* * *

Bart was whistling in his blue striped mobster clothes wearing an old 50's style hat. As he was walking in the alleyway, behind the Speakeasy, he saw Abe Simpson getting thrown out through a metal door by two mobsters.

"And stay out you trouble maker!" The Mobsters spoke.

"Ohh... why does this happen to me?" Abe said.

"Hey Abe." Bart said.

"AHH! It's **Tiny Tim!** I didn't mean to **ran you over that Christmas**." Abe said.

"That's a fictional character from The Christmas Carol." Bart rolled his eyes.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Bart Simpson, you know from the diner. I'm here to infiltrate the mob and arrest the Huck guy." He answered.

"Infiltrate huh... say, uh... could you get Christine to come out here. I want to spend some time with her... it's been days since I seen her ever since she had a singing career." Abe said.

"Singing career?"

"Yeah. She's singing for the club behind that metal door. She has the most wonderful voice." Abe said. "Say, you said infiltration right? Are you from the FBI? CIA? The Kentucky Fried Spying Division?"

"No, no, and you come up with the most weirdest ideas Grandpa... I mean Abe." Bart spoke. "But uh... I'm a... detective! Yes! Here to take down the mob alright and sure, I'll see what I can do as long as you do this mission."

"What is it?"

"Find a woman named Mona. Okay. She lives somewhere in Springfield but I have no idea." Bart asked.

"Sure. I'll give it a try until I see Christine." He said.

Bart sighed for a moment hoping that he would look for Mona instead of Christine... still having no choice he said, "Okay! Fine!"

"Thank you. I'll be waiting for her outside of the club. If they ask for a password, it will be something that **no one will never say and find true**. 'Oh Look. The **British** are very **hilarious**'."

"Oo..kay." Bart didn't know what to think of that password.

* * *

Bart stood at the metal door, knocking on the hard gritted cold surface. The Metal Door opened, but not all the way as it has chain locks, and could only see part of a mobster's face, mostly his right eye looking at him.

"What's the password?" He whispered.

"The British are very hilarious?" Bart hoped.

The Metal Door shut closed and the sounds of chain locks were loosening. The whole entrance was fully opened and he saw two Mobster's, the same ones who threw Abe out.

"By the dress you're a mobster but aren't you a little too short?" He asked.

"You have something against people who have **dwarfism**!" Bart lied as he argued.

"Uh! No sir! Come right in!" The two believed the lie.

* * *

Bart entered the club and saw a few civilians, even a police officer, Huck playing poker with his gang at a table, and Skinny Tony as the bartender. There were Neon Lights too, wonderful decorations, and Christine was singing at the stage 50's emotional style in a purple style dress.

"Nice place." Bart said.

"Yeah." The Policeman sighed sadly. "I guess it is... nice."

The police officer before him dranked a few beverages and his tie was loose, yet he looked oddly familiar...

"Have I seen you somewhere?" Bart said.

"Will you get away... Give me another glass over here!" The Policeman said.

"His voice **sounds familiar** but who is he?" Bart thought.

"**I SAID GIVE ME ANOTHER 'BLEEPING' GLASS**!" The Policeman yelled.

"Okay! Okay!" Skinny Tony said angrily.

"Are you Mr. Bouvier? Married to Jacqueline Bouvier?" Bart asked.

"Officer Bouvier to you. I feel terrible. I think my wife's leaving me after all these bribes, drinking, and especially that I'm not doing my job like I'm supposed to." Officer Bouvier said.

"Well why not arrest them right now? They don't even have their guns with them." He said.

"Nah... I'm just going to drink till my problems are gone. The cause and solution to everyone's problems, alcohol." Bouvier smiled in disapointment.

"Ooo... kay..." Bart walked away.

Bart turned to Christine who was on her break as she took a sip of some vodka at a small table.

"Hey. Christine."

"It's you, from the diner." She said.

"Yes, Abe wants to talk to you outside." He whispered.

"Outside? I don't know, Huck might..."

"Huck!" Bart angrily whispered. "He treats you nothing more as an attraction around your club. You should see Abe, he's different from him."

"Okay... I hope things don't go wrong." She said.

Bart watched Christine walking outside, but what the two didn't noticed that Huck spotted her taking a stroll outside. Huck got up from his table, ending the poker game, and wondered, "Where does she think she's going?". Huck walked past Bart, which he saw heading to the exit.

"What's he doing?" Bart thought. "Better go and..."

"Hey there. Let's talk." Officer Bouvier got in the way... and yet still not drunk from the beers he had.

"Move out of my way! I have to..."

Out of nowhere, the sounds of gunshots were heard three times outside.

"Oh no... He's, He's... I' m not fading away?" Bart looked at his hand. "I still exist!"

"Now about my problems..." The man spoke.

"Later! I need to see what's going on!" Bart ran past Officer Bouvier, only to bump into a saddened Christine with a tear in her eye. "Uh... what happened."

"Oh... nothing..." She walked away. She headed to the bartender and spoke to Skinny Tony, "Give me a drink please..."

Bart wondered what really happened and so he ran to the exit and outside.

* * *

"What happened?" Bart saw a drop of blood on the floor, next to Huck holding a pistol with smoke coming out of it.

"Heh! You should've seen him. He's such a wimp. I fired three warning shots to go away from pretty face, and then he wants to fight me. I punch him right in the face and his nose starts dripping blood. He ran afraid like a cat from a dog." Huck grinned.

"You mean you didn't shot him?"

"What? No. You know how hard it is to cover up such a crime. Not easy, pal." Huck said, not realizing for a moment that it was Bart under that suit.

"Oh.. whew.." Bart sighed in relief, that Abe was not dead.

* * *

Bart entered the club and sat on a stool next to Christine at the counter saying, "That's a relief, he's fine and alive."

"Yeah but I'm afraid that he'll never come back." Christine said.

"Hmm... " Bart spotted Officer Bouvier. "What if I could get rid of Huck for you?"

"Get rid of Huck? What are you going to do? Crush his alcohol illegal business by just shattering the Springfield Prohibition Law? Good luck." She sighed miserably taking a sip from another glass of wine.

Bart got off the stool and quickly sat next to Officer Bouvier, starting a little conversation.

"Hey there... You can take a lot of beer but you really need to stop drinking before you really do get drunk." Bart asked.

"Yeah, so what? My life is miserable!"

"Yeah, your problems are not caused by you... it's caused by Huck. All this alcohol you see here is Huck's Business, all this bribes is from Huck, you're not doing your job because of him. Sure you accepted it but you can fix it by arresting that man over there. It will bring down his bootlegging crimes thanks to you. If you don't... you're going to see some daring consequences in the future that you will regret..."

"Y..your right!" Officer Bouvier said.

He pulled out his pistol from his heavy drinking and said, "Huck Hickel! Your under arrest for violating every law imaginable... accept the one of every duck you see must be **taped to the ground**. As for the rest of you mobsters, throw down your weapons."

Suddenly **a large pile of guns, bazookas, rifles, Machine Guns, Thompsons, knives, grenades, C4, flamethrower, and even swords and axes, were thrown to the ground immediately** near Bouvier.

"What are you going to do now?" Huck asked.

"Huh... now that you think of it... I've **haven't seen anyone give up** their weapons this easily... Guess I'll arrest you and you only!" Officer Bouvier pulled out some handcuffs. "The rest of you mobsters. Get out of here or else!"

He placed the handcuffs onto Huck's wrists as the mob boss suddenly became furious.

"Hey Bouvier! We had a deal!"

"Yeah, well here. Take your bribe money back, you scum." Bouvier threw the cash right in his face.

"You'll pay! Once I get out of court, I'll bribed the police to get you off the force than I'll whack you in the head so many times that..."

"Uh-huh... you won't be getting out of court so easily. The jury is made up of elderly folk, and we all know how well they listen and don't accept bribes that easily. Heh." He said.

"DAMN YOU!" Huck was pushed out of the club.

One of the mob members took a step and said, "With Huck out of the picture, who will take over the mob?"

"What about this guy?" Bart pointed to Skinny Tony.

"Wait what?" Skinny Tony reacted immediately.

"Him! He barely can land a punch." A mobster said.

"Yeah but he can shoot, fast talk his way out, and knows how mafia's work. He is the son of a mob boss you know."

"Hmm... he's got that right... okay, will give it a chance for a substitute mob boss until Huck gets out of court or jail or whatever." Another Mob Member said.

Skinny Tony turned to Bart and said, "I don't know about this..."

"You'll do fine... and I don't think Huck won't be coming back for some time... so you might as well be the new mob boss..." Bart said.

"Well... okay, I'll try my best!" He said.

* * *

Bart walked outside and saw a few police cars outside along with Christine. She spotted Bart and ran to him with joy saying, "Thank you! I can finally be with Abe! How can I repay you!"

"You don't have to repay me."

"Hey you!" Officer Bouvier came next to Christine and in front of Bart. "Your definitely not a mob member... in fact you were pretty much infiltrating that place by the look of it. Who exactly are you?

"Oh... just a detective with dwarfism... Got to go." He lied.

"Well... when are you coming back?" The Officer asked.

"Oh... I think you'll see me again soon..." Bart smiled.

* * *

Bart sat right next to Prof. Frink in the DeLorean as Santa's Little Helper was at Bart's Lap, right at the parking lot.

"Okay, are you sure everything is alright?" Prof. Frink said before he started the car.

"Yeah, Abe and Christine is dating but it probably end right after he meets Mona."

"Hmm... Okay... but anything could happened." Prof. Frink was worried about this.

They rode the DeLorean at the cloudy and darkest night at Town Hall, thinking that not many people will be there... however they saw a couple and this was Abe and Christine apparently. Bart opened the window and said, "Hi! I see your dating..."

"Dating? Oh no... were now married!" Abe said.

"WAIT! WHAT?" Bart said. "Oh no! I'm, I'm, I'm still here?"

Bart took out a picture of his three siblings and saw that everything was okay still... he still exists...

"Of course you are? What the heck is this? A dream? And what's with the car?" Christine asked.

"It's uh... a car of the future! Made for the science fair you know." Frink said.

"Yes, for the science fair... but you're supposed to find Mona!" Bart argued.

"Heh, heh... you don't know do you?" Abe chuckled.

"What?"

"You didn't actually thought Christine was my real name was it?" She said.

"Uh... what?" Bart was confused.

"That's my stage name, Christine Crystalline. My **real name** is Mona the whole time." Mona said.

"Wait so that means! That your my grandma?"

"Hey! Don't call me old and frail, I'm in my twenties... Jeeze." Mona said.

"Oh thank god..." Bart sighed in relief.

"Well anyway were a married couple and you have to go somewhere I believe?" Abe asked.

"Oh.. Oh Yeah!" Bart said to himself. "See ya!"

"See ya!" The couple spoke.

"One more thing. There's supposed to be a storm coming so be careful. Supposedly its a perfect storm." Mona warned them.

"Thanks for the warning." Bart said.

"Come on. Bart, we have to go." Frink said.

Bart waved his hand "Goodbye" as the DeLorean drove off to the road seeing that Abe and Mona are together, Frink Sr. is on his way to a scientist, Skinny Tony is the head of the Mafia, and Officer Bouvier is now welcomed by his own wife as a hero.

* * *

The DeLorean stopped in the middle of nowhere as a storm clashed in the darkest skies, this was because there was one more thing to do.

"Okay, you and your dog must step outside. I have to test the DeLorean Time Machine while it's activated otherwise it might explode with the 'GLAVIN!', radiation decay, and the unstable atoms becoming stable atoms, and the explosion!" Frink said.

"Uh sure." Bart stepped outside with his dog.

The DeLorean Time Machine floated in air as it was being tested to make sure it wouldn't explode. Frink checked the charts, the data, and everything seemed okay...

"BART! IT'S WORKING FINE!" Prof. Frink yelled from the DeLorean.

"OKAY! BUT YOU NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR THAT STORM!" Bart yelled from the ground. "IT COULD HIT..."

In a quick second, the lightning striked the DeLorean instantly and suddenly it disappeared, gone, vanished, probably never to come back to Bart's surprise. Bart stood there for a moment and realized that it was no more...

"Oh no... he's.. gone..." An Saddened Bart spoke.

Santa's Little Helper suddenly became saddened as well of this tragic event... rain emerged from the no longer stormy clouds, however a light arose behind them, two actually from a single truck. The vehicle stopped and a man in a brown coat and brown hat stepped out holding an envelope in his hand.

"Are you Bart J. Simpson?" The man asked.

"Uh.. yes?"

Bart became confused of how he knew his name, a complete stranger he was..

"Huh... this is a surprise. Guess I lost the bet that you actually be here. Anyway, we have a letter for you." The Man handed him the envelope.

"Letter?" Bart became even more confused. "That's Impossible! Who are you!"

"Were the Springfield Mailing Service. We were wondering if you could help us out. We had this letter with us for over 150 years and had no idea that there was supposed to be a Bart Simpson here."

"What do you mean?" Bart asked.

"This letter was supposed to be delivered to you who fits the description at this exact minute, this exact hour, this exact place, and this exact year." The Man spoke under the rain.

Bart was now completely confused, still he opened the letter, but before her read it, he turned his face towards the man and said, "Over a 150 years?"

"Yes. To be exact, 1799 when Jebediah Springfield is still in charge." He said.

Bart took the letter out of the envelope and began to read it under the rain.

"Dear Bart Simpson, this is Prof. Frink. You will receive this letter exactly as the DeLorean is struck by lightning. I'm alive and well in 1799 and..." Bart stopped for a moment.

"What is it?" The Man asked.

He wondered why he stood there, probably depressed and filled with sorrow but he was not... he was happy and filled with enlightment.

"1799?... He's Alive! The Prof. alive!" Bart yelled in joy.

"Who is?"

"The professor! He's in 1799, Old Springfield... and..."

"You need any help kid?"

"There's only one person who could help me..." Bart answered.

* * *

Bart rang the doorbell of a huge mansion waiting for an answer... the door opened and out stepped teenage Frink Sr.

"You again, huh? What do you need?" He asked.

"I need your help..." Bart answered, he then lifted up blueprints of a DeLorean Time Machine in front of his own eyes.

TO BE...

CONTINUED...

* * *

(WHAT'S NEXT? WHAT HAPPENED TO PROF. FRINK? JEBEDIAH'S SPRINGFIELD, THE FOUNDER OF SPRINGFIELD, TIME PERIOD? AND WHAT ABOUT LISA'S BIRTHDAY?)

The sound of western music is heard as Prof. Frink in gentleman clothing and Bart in Western Cowboy Clothings rode on top of the DeLorean as it was being pulled by horses on the mountain.

* * *

"My god! Jebediah Springfield is.. is.. is a lie?" Prof. Frink astonished as he spoke to Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Jebediah Springfield in an alley between an saloon and a General Store.

* * *

Bart and Prof. Frink were riding on horses as they disguised themselves as thieves to take over a whole train powered by coal.

* * *

Bart and Santa's Little Helper are driving the DeLorean away from a group of Native Americans on horses in the middle of a desert.


	51. OUTWARDS IN TIME PART IV THE CONCLUSION

**READ THIS **(Dec. 04. 11) Sorry for not posting it last week, I was sick so I couldn't post my newest fanfiction either... in fact, I was sick for the whole November, luckily I managed to post some stories during that time until it gets worst and worst... but starts to calm down. In fact, I'm still sick but it's not as worst as it was in Late November. Anyway this is the **conclusion**. Originally it was six parts but I manage to put it in four parts, I mean really? Six Parts? That's a bit too long.

* * *

Story 49, "Outwards In Time, THE FINAL CONCLUSION" Synopsis: Again, Bart, Frink, and his trusty canine pal, Santa's Little Helper have traveled through time once more and one last time to the days of old Jebediah Springfield. See several citizens who are ancestors of several Springfieldian Citizens such as Boe (Moe), Harney (Barney), Japu (Apu), Sourmey (Seymour Skinner), Viper (Snake), and let's not forget Lewis and Clark (Lenny and Carl). Read in this Western Style Time-Traveling Story where it will conclude the In Time Miniseries...

Opening Gag: **Bartman, Cupcake Kid, and Stretch Dude** fly across the skies, each who are Bart.

Billboard Gag: "**Join FOX** where **we will destroy our enemies and conquer nations secretly through the power of mind-controlling television**." The President of FOX spoke.

Chalkboard Gag: "**We are the 99% . Mr. Burns is the 1%. We are the 99%. Mr. Burns is the 1%"**

Couch Gag: The Simpsons run to the couch only to get shot by **multiple drugged darts. Suddenly a hunter comes and blows off the smoke of his gun.**

* * *

"I am the Director and apparently won't reveal who I am, for as all we know, time travel is considered a possibility but has never been proven till this day. The story of a founder, a criminal, and thus the story of a Lone Ranger has suddenly been brought. I've decided to come to Frink one day after stealing some of his reports, watching his videos of time travel, the years he went through... he still doesn't know what happened after we put it all back nice and fit. Sincerely The Director... won't be coming for a few months though."

* * *

Bart and Santa's Little Helper was at Prof. Frink's Sr. house as he heard him saying words as loudly and seriously as he can all because of one thing.

"So let me get this straight! Your from the future! That's not even possible!" Prof. Frink Sr. yelled out.

"Yes it is! Your son, Prof. Frink Jr., has invented a Time Machine!" Bart argued.

"I have no time to listen to this non-sense." Frink Sr. said.

Bart was tired of Frink Sr. ignoring him, sighing and sometimes a bit angry at time... still he needed his genius brain to help him.

"Look. I need your help to build a second DeLorean. Prof. Frink Jr. once said that if you could **put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything...**", revealing the blue prints to Frink Sr.

Frink Sr. sighed once and said, "Okay, I'll build the damn contraption but this won't work you know."

"Oh good... first we need to find the older DeLorean under a cave according to this message." Bart said.

"Now we got to find it?"

* * *

Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Prof. Frink Sr. stood in front of the abandoned Springfield Gold Mines.

"Oh god... you don't mean there do you?" Frink Sr. sighed.

"Yep. That's what it says." Bart spoke.

* * *

Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Frink Sr. entered the old caverns carrying a flashlight to search the more darker areas. They searched on and on until Bart said, "Stop!". Why did he say that-?-, the three founded it! It was the old DeLorean... but this one looked busted, rusty as ever, and... well... unusable.

"Good! Now we just got to push it outside and were done." Bart said.

"Now we got to push..." Frink Sr. sighed.

"Huh? What's this?" The young lad spotted a few certain objects on the ground.

He picked it up and was revealed to be an old newspaper.

"John Frink shot at the back dead on Tuesday... by Zuck... oh not another relative of Buck..." He sighed. "Do I have to deal with these relatives in every time period we ever... wait? Shot at the back? Dead? Oh Jesus Christ."

"What? What is it?" Frink Sr. asked.

"Uh... nothing..." Bart hid the newspaper in his pocket.

* * *

Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Prof. Frink Sr. stood at a gas station, the parking lot was big and wide for a gas station in the middle of a desert, which was perfect for the second working DeLorean freshly made by Frink Sr. himself.

"Okay, you can try to work it but I won't guarantee it will work." Frink Sr. said.

"Yep... but let me just do one thing." Bart pulled out the same ray gun that Frink Jr. handed him from the 1950s. "Sorry to do this, but I need to erase your mind."

Bart aimed it at Frink Sr. and in a flash of light... Frink Sr. fell to the ground shuddering, "'**GLAVIN**!' with the mind-erasing, the memories gone, with the fancy light and all."

"Man, you are **related**." Bart stepped into the car with his dog.

As Frink Sr. was on the ground shuddering with parts of his mind being erased such as moments of meeting Bart... Bart rode the DeLorean as fast as he can at the first minute... already at 88 Miles per hour, a streak of flames appeared and the DeLorean disappeared through a wave of lightning.

* * *

The DeLorean found itself popping out of nowhere in a deserted wasteland... no gas station... but he did saw a **tribe of Native Americans riding on horses coming right at the driving DeLorean**.

"OH GOD!" Bart turned the wheel.

The DeLorean made a U-Turn and quickly drove away from the Tribe of Native Americans... it was like a bunch of tribesman hunting down a car. Still Bart continued to drive, turned around and saw the Native Americans catching up much faster... Bart turned his head back to the wheel and to his shock, he saw a cliff ahead.

"NO! NO! NO!" Bart screamed out loud, pressing the brakes immediately.

Luckily enough, as the DeLorean drove off the cliff while the brakes were pressed to its fullest, the DeLorean stopped at ground instantly and safely due to the cliff being only **1 feet from the ground**. Bart spotted a cave within the cliff and backed up the DeLorean in there.

"That was a close one." Bart stepped out of the car with his dog.

He then heard a dripping sound and saw that the gasoline was leaking out of the vehicle, behind him. All he said was, "**Ay Carumba**..."

"GRRRRRRR..." A Large angry growl was heard.

Bart then saw a grizzly bear emerging from a deeper part of the cave, not knowing what to do... he shouted, "Sick Him boy! **Boy?".** He turned around and saw Santa's Little Helper already whelping and he ran away from the bear.

"**Man's best friend**..." He sighed.

"GRAARRRRGHH!" The Bear roared angrily.

"AHH!" Bart screamed, escaping from the clutches of the Bear's paws.

Bart ran to the desert and saw Santa's Little Helper sniffing on the floor.

"Oh what now? First you run off and now... wait a minute?" Bart spotted his dog sniffing an small tiny object.

He picked it up and found a journal with the name, "**Diary Of A Wimpy Scientist**".

"This is the Prof... good boy! Can you find some more clues!" Bart asked.

The dog barked north from where he was standing.

"What is it? Frink? Supplies? Help? It's trouble isn't it?"

"A Civilization, moron." The Dog Barked.

"A Local Hitchhiker! Isn't it boy?" Bart had **no idea** why the Dog constantly barked.

The dog slapped his paw on to his forehead and barked, "A Local Hitchhiker? Where did he had that idea?"

"Oh my god! A big monster is at there too!" Bart said, still having no idea what he said

Santa's little helper just stopped barking for a moment, knowing that Bart was not going to understand him, even then, the two headed North where civilization exists...

* * *

Bart spotted a town a few miles away seeing a sign there during his tiring walk... it actually looked like a young western town still in development...

"Finally... need.. rest." Bart stuck his dry tongue out.

In ten minutes or more... Bart and his dog walked off the town seeing mostly townspeople and a few merchants.

"Hello there. Welcome to Springfield! **THE MOST-RUDEST-TOWN IN AMERICA**!" A Man that resembled the old yokel, Cletus.

"Do you... know where.. John Frink is." Bart spoke tiredly.

"You mean the blacksmith? He's just right at the corner of the Town's **RUDEST** Square. Also... you look like you need some rest'n and drink'n, son. How about I fix you up a room at Boe's **RUDEST** Saloon. If you like some souvenirs or items to buy. Go to Japu's The Merchant's **RUDEST** Store on the way."

"Do you have to say **'rudest' to everything**? Wouldn't that drive business out of here?" Bart asked.

"Well... I've never actually thought of that. I guess we should change 'RUDEST' to a little better... I got it!" Cletus snapped his finger. "Springfield... **MEANEST TOWN IN AMERICA!**"

"Oh forget it." Bart walked away.

"Oh what is with you trying to drive my customers away with all this rude-non-sense you being saying." Japu said to Cletus.

Japu resembled a lot like Apu in many ways with the exception of his Hindu-like hat and beard.

"Look, who's the Veteran here?" Cletus asked

"That **would be me** while you were carving potatoes. Also, **please come again**." Japu spoke.

"Who are **you talking to**?"

"Just **practicing**! What is with you people!" Japu angrily walked away.

* * *

Bart stepped out of a store feeling refreshed and better but this time with a pair of cowboy western clothes... it comes with a hat too.

"The almighty west." Bart said.

"West? What the heck are you talking about?" Japu said. "This town is not even mapped and you already considered it apart of the west?"

"HEY YOU!" An angry buffed-up voice yelled across the town.

Bart turned around and said, "**Every time period**. Every **damn time period**...", every civilian saw Zuck, a moronic brute, with a gang of notorious cowboys behind him on horses, Zuck however looked exactly like Buck just with a huge mustache and wore thick messy clothing that smelled like alcohol every morning.

"I'm not looking for trouble!" Japu said.

"You got to pay your taxes for immigrating here you know!" Zuck spoke.

"Again with the taxes! Look Zuck, I don't know who you think you are but taxing has been pretty much looked down upon since this country was ever born." Japu said.

"Is that so?"

"Hell it is!" Bart stepped up.

"Oh look at that!" One of Zuck's Goonies spoke. "The little guy is stepping up for the.. um.. uh..."

"I'M HINDU YOU MORONS!" Japu yelled.

"Morons he says? Well these Morons should teach you a lesson!" Zuck yelled angrily.

The gang of misfits on their cowboys ganged up on the two until out of nowhere, a shot was heard loudly in the air. Everyone turned to where the shot came from. There they saw a man wearing cowboy clothing's as well as a long brown cape, with a wooden rifle attached with a telescope, resembling a lot like a sniper rifle.

"Who is that man?" Bart asked.

The man stepped out of the shadow only to **trip on his own cape**, falling down to the ground **with the words**, "OH GOOD LORD! WITH THE TRIPPING! WITH THE CAPING! AND THE HORRIBLE PAIN OF FALLING ON THE GROUND!"

The man stepped up from his pain and stood up like the mysterious figure he was.

"You better walk out of here. This scoped rifle can shoot you miles away you know!" The Mysterious Figure said.

"Well than you just..." Zuck spoke for a moment, but couldn't for one particular reason.

"**Oh god! I tripped on my own cape again**!" He interrupted.

"Wait a minute? Frink?" Bart thought.

"Look here blacksmith Frink! This is our territory! We'll let you go for now but this is..."

"I'm being **tangled up in my own cape over here**!" Blacksmith Frink yelled as he was restrained by his own cape.

"Uh... you know what... let's just go." Zuck said.

The misfits ran off as Bart watched Frink was too busy untangling the Cape together.

"Hello Prof. Frink." Bart said.

"Oh... hi Bart... wait? BART!" Frink gasped, thought was still **binded **by the cape.

"Uh... how about we talk this at your place." Bart said.

"Good Idea."

* * *

Bart was at Frink's Blacksmith's Shop where Frink pulled in the DeLorean into his garage sized but dusty shop with a blanket covering it saying, "I'm going to be shot by the back on Tuesday?... Well, at least you brought the DeLorean, we can finally get out of here."

"Uh... there's no gasoline..." Bart had a worried smile on his face.\

"Dang it. The Plutonium is in there, the time circuits are functioning... but we don't have the gasoline to move it to 88 Miles Per Hour... Even if we could move it we need some big and strong..." Frink said.

"I got a few ideas." Bart said.

* * *

The Sound of Western Music arose as Blacksmith Frink, Cowboy Bart, and his Wild Dog Helper stood at the peak of a mountain.

"Ready?" Frink said.

"Ready!" Bart said.

The two pushed the DeLorean onto a soft mountain side, the two quickly jumped on the top of the car as it made its way down the hill.

"Okay... steady... steady... STUMP!" Frink pointed out a huge stump on the mountain side.

The DeLorean rammed into the Stump without getting any damage at all... but Frink and Bart suddenly flew in the air from the top as they screamed, "AHH!"

Prof. Frink, Bart, and this time Santa's Little Helper were on the DeLorean again throughout the desert as Western Music Flow... and this time they had horse power... eight horses actually.

"Yee-Hah Little Horsey!" Bart gripped onto the horse whips.

Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper felt the breeze but the horses legs weren't fast enough for the requirements.

"Okay, let's just stop." Frink said.

The Horses stopped as Frink commanded... but the DeLorean was still moving crashing into the horses like a bowling bowl as the **sound of eight bowling pins** **falling to the floor were heard**.

"Oh Dear Lord!" Frink yelled.

Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper got off the DeLorean and saw a bunch of Horses wanting **payback**, one even **standing on his two hind legs and using his front hoofs as boxing gloves**.

"RUN!" Bart yelled.

The three ran as the horses chased after them.

* * *

Frink, Bart, and Santa's Little Helper were at the Blacksmith Shop... injured with Frink having a **hoof-print on his forehead.**

"Will never find anything that goes to 88-Miles Per Hour... it's hopeless..." Bart said.

Suddenly the sound of a steam engine was heard across the city... Frink sprang up and suddenly had an idea.

"The Steam Locomotive!" Frink spotted the Steam Locomotive outside through his window. "Maybe if we can loosen the cargo, passengers, and put more force into one single train... the front, we can go back home!"

"Wouldn't we have to dress up as robbers since... well, I don't think they'll just give it to us." Bart said.

"Yes... we would have to steal it... but no one wouldn't notice it's us if we manage to get through time successfully!"

"Sounds risky, but if it's the..."

Suddenly Bart was interrupted by the sound of music and cheering.

"What's going on?" Bart where that music was coming from.

Frink and Bart looked through a different window seeing the town hall... less grassy and the roads were mostly dirt, and most of all... there was no statue of Jebediah Springfield... but what they saw most of all was a crowd of people attending at an announcement.

"Ah yes... the Springfield Festival. The first one actually." Frink said.

"The First One? Where's the statue of the founder. You can't have a festival without the founder's statue." Bart saw no statue at the town hall.

"Who knows. Must not be made yet, late, or the persons making it are lazy as ever." Frink spoke.

"Can we go?"

"Well... it's tomorrow on Monday... I suppose we have enough time before the shooting happens on Tuesday. Okay. Let's go." Frink said.

"I get to attend the first festival in Springfield." Bart thought.

"But we must work faster than ever now. Got that!" Frink said.

"Okay, I can't wait though!" Bart became excited.

* * *

It was the afternoon and Bart, Santa's Little Helper, and Frink placed the DeLorean on the tracks in the middle of a grassy land unlike the desert... only thing was... it was the end of the road there. The railway stopped at an unfinished railway bridge, which kind of worried Bart a bit.

"Uh... wouldn't this kill us if we drove off the bridge?" Bart said.

"Not really... in a **slim chance** though."

"Slim?"

"Yes, I'm just backing the car a few... well... actually very far away but also far away from the town. I'm just doing some calculations." Frink drew some blue marks on the train tracks. "When we reach somewhere around here... we will reappear back in the same time... where the railway bridge is completed... actually updated to be exact."

"Okay then." Bart said.

"Help me back this DeLorean very far away from the unfinished railway road." Frink said.

Bart helped Frink pushed it but while Santa's Little Helper followed, as they did... Frink placed a couple of object on both sides of the railway.

"What are those?"

"I'm not really sure if the locomotive will go to the precise speed we both wish... so I'm adding some boosters I bought from the Future every time we make it pass a sign. It will make it go faster." Frink said.

Bart looked and saw a, "SOON-TO-BE-RAILWAY BRIDGE!" Sign sticking up from the ground.

* * *

Frink and Bart pushed the DeLorean forward onto the Train Tracks that lead them into the woods as blue morning risen as Santa's Little Helper was yawning for sleep. They finally stopped much to how tired they are.

"Okay, this should do it. It's not so close to the unfinished rail way and not so close to the town. It should do fine to pick up some speed and it's not in the train's schedule to come here." Frink said.

"Perfect!" Bart yawned.

"Yep. Let's just sleep here now." Frink yawned.

The three slept on top of the DeLorean in the beginning of morning... they had enough time to sleep as the festival was at night time.

* * *

It was Nighttime now and Bart and Frink were getting their stuff packed into the DeLorean before they went to the festival.

"Well. Time to see what awaits at the festival." Bart smiled, stretching out his arms during the cricketing cricket sounds heard across the forest.

"Yep. It's going to be a heck of a night." Frink spoke.

* * *

Bart, Frink, and Santa's Little Helper all entered the festival filled with many Springfieldians dancing, drinking, and shooting in the air like a crazy maniac.

"Ahh... the days when people could actually shoot and drink at the same time legally." Bart said.

"Uh-huh." Frink spoke.

"Hey there fella. Care to shoot these wooden ducklings so you can win a prize from Sheriff Dugby Wiggum?" Dugby Wiggum spoke.

"Uh... sure? Where's the bee bee gun?" Bart asked.

"You mean those little toy guns? No way that Springfield's going to use those. Here, use this revolver I bought from the **congress**. They sure know how to **bribe**." Dugby Wiggum smiled.

Bart gulped a moment and said, "I need some Coke."

"Here ya go!" Dugby poured some coke into a glass from a bottle.

Bart took a sip and suddenly spitted out saying, "YUCK! This takes like some kind of **alcoholic beverage**!"

"Of course it does! Coke-a-Cola **1886** formulated by the **Eagle Drug and Chemical Company**... by me! **Pemberton**!" Pemberton spoke.

"1886? **It's not 1886**." Bart said.

"Shush you! **Travel back in time** so I can start Coke early, way early before that damn Candler steals everything from me, you hear!" Pemberton whispered to Bart.

"Uh... sure..." Bart didn't believe the man, thinking he may be an lunatic.

"Now UP! UP! AND AWAY!" Pemberton lifted off from the floor and flew into the skies as everyone watched.

"Huh? That doesn't happen everyday... So you wanna try?" Dugby completely forgot what just happened there.

"Didn't you just saw..."

"Saw what?" Dugby asked.

"Yeah, what did we **diddly** saw?" Ted Flanders spoke.

"I sure didn't see anything." Rusty The Klown smoked on a pipe.

"People in this century forget way easily." Bart sighed.

"Do you want to try or not?" He asked.

"Fine..." He sighed, taking the revolver from his hands.

Bart pressed the trigger twice already in a second sending two bullets at two wooden ducks. He then spotted the third duck but he didn't aim directly. He aimed at a metal can, the bullet came flying towards it only to bounce off heading to nail on the wall, bounced off again and aimed directly at a tall cowboy who held a pistol.

The bullet came bouncing off the tall cowboy's pistol who said, "**YOU GOT ME PARTNER!**" and finally came contact with the third and final wooden duck.

"Wow. That's some nice shooting! Can you teach my boy?" Dugby Wiggum said.

Suddenly a boy that resembled Ralph said, "Dalphy's feet feel more warmer now with these new **shoes**.", revealing **two pistols taped to each of his feet**.

"Uh... no thanks." Bart said.

A big cheer came from a crowd right in front of a stage which Bart became a little curious about.

"What's happening there?" Bart asked.

"Why. Don't you know? Their putting the **founder's statue** up there." Dugby said.

"Wait? Founder? You mean Jebediah Springfield?" Bart became even more curious than ever.

"Uh... duh? What are you? **From the Future** so you can **save Frink** and let me guess... he's uh... a s**cientist** am I right-?- who built a **time machine from a car**... which honestly I have **no idea what is a car** because I made it up but if it's real it's probably some **new transportation device**? Right?." Dugby joked.

"Uh... yes..." A Sarcastic Bart spoke wondering how he even manage to thought all that up accurately.

* * *

The crowd of people were smiling more pleasantly as Bart crawled through the crowd of people hearing a Spokesperson saying, "And Now, here is the founder of Springfield-!-...". He crawled further and further threw the crowd, tripping a few times but didn't stop as he heard, "The one who shot the bison and lead us from that cold death-filled winter into the warm-breathing light-!-...". Bart saw an opening from the crowd and quickly he did, **pushing some other children** who were trying to get to the front as well, stepped out of the crowded area and into the front where he saw a Fat Man saying, "Here is Jebediah Springfield!".

"Oh my god! It's him!" Bart said, as a man stepped into the stage.

"Hi.. there!... I'm.. uh... Jebe..Hebe..Mebe..." **A drunk** that looked exactly like Barney dressed in Jebediah Clothing's... only big difference is it was stretching, his fat flab was pushed from under the shirt, and there was beer spilled onto his shirt.

"Huh... Jebediah kind of looks... uh... fatter**." Lewis** spoke, who looked exactly like **Lenny**.

"Kind of smellier... boy, I don't know? Is it something different about him?" **Clark** spoke, who looked exactly like **Carl**.

"That's not Jebediah Springfield!" Bart claimed, suddenly everyone gasped.

"And this is **not a real compass! Lewis and Clark! You fooled me!"** President Jefferson came, resembling a lot like Quimby.

"What are you going to do to us!" Lewis and Clark became afraid of what punishment may happen.

"If you can fool me, you can **fool those Natives**. **Congratulations! Your explorers**! Your next expedition will begin... in... **four years**."

"Wow I fooled many generals into being a US Captain and now I fooled the President into the expedition of the Louisiana Purchase. **All that work paid off after all**!" Lewis smiled.

"What do we do during the four years?" Clark asked.

"I don't know... but what's with Jebediah?" Lewis said.

"That's not Jebediah!" Bart yelled.

Suddenly everyone gasped as the drunk said, "**Wait? I'm not Jebediah**!".

"I'm here! I'm here!" Jebediah Springfield stepped onto the stage, much to everyone's confusion.

"Huh... that was fast but what's with the drunk?" One man yelled.

"Uh... it was a setting up for a... intro of me! Yes! That's it. An Intro." Jebediah said.

Suddenly everyone immediately agreed all but Bart who was a little suspicious.

"Anyway. Where's the statue? Come on. We got to see the statue. Oh wait. It's behind me." Jebediah joked, pointed to the statue behind him, covered in blankets. "Let's get this started shall we?"

Jebediah grabbed the blankets and unraveled the new statue revealing himself on top of a bear that was either dead or knocked out. It looked new than back in Bart's time and it amazed him to see the statue unraveled by Jebediah himself.

"Anyway, I have to go now an..."

"Hey! You!" Zuck and his gang of criminals came aboard on the stage.

"Not here." Jebediah whispered to the gang.

"We want it now! Now I say!" Zuck yelled at him in front of the crowd as there confusion grows even bigger.

"Here you go! Now leave!" Jebediah handed him a large sack to Zuck, the sound of ranging valuables struck Bart's ears.

"Hey uh... what's in there?" Bart asked.

"You looking for trouble!" Zuck turned to him.

"Uh... yeah Zuck. You're a criminal you know and uh... strange how Jebediah ain't putting you in jail." Bart said.

Suddenly everyone began saying, "Yeah, put him in jail! Hang him! Throw him in the cellar!", causing a furious Zuck.

"Oh that's it! Tomorrow morning! Showdown! Last man leaves the streets alive!" Zuck said.

"Here we go again..." Bart thought.

Bart decided to just walk out of the crowd as everyone watched until Zuck spoke once again.

"See ya there unless your chicken."

Bart stopped for a moment and turned around with a fierce look in his eyes.

"No one. No one calls the Bart man chicken." Bart said. "I'll be there."

"What!" Frink suddenly ran into the situation. "But tomorrow is the..."

"We'll have enough time." Bart said.

"Oh... alright... but if you get shot dead I'm **dragging your corpse** to the future with me." Frink spoke.

* * *

"You showed them for sure... so? What's your plan?" Frink asked as the two and Santa's Little Helper were walking on the streets.

"Plan? I'm going to that showdown to show who's chicken. I'm just going to taunt him, scare him a little, and I'll be on my way." Bart spoke.

"He's a Hickel! Hickel's never back down in a fight because there **too moronic** too!" Frink argued.

"Now give me the green!" A Voice interrupted their conversation... it came from an alley supposedly as the two wondered why someone would say that.

Bart, Frink, and Santa's Little Helper took a peak at the alley seeing Jebediah Springfield confronting Zuck and his gang of criminals.

"Look at him. He's going to give a punch to Zuck, no doubt about it!" Frink said.

"Here's the rest of the money." Jebediah held a bag with the words, "Springfield's First Bank".

Suddenly the Bart gasped with Frink dropping his jaw.

"Now, can you just go and stop bothering me."

"Hey! We kept out those other criminals! You might as well thank us!" Zuck argued.

"Thank you! Eh, you ruined part of my expedition when you replaced all the water with bugs as a prank... in the middle of a mountain... during a blizzard... during a place that has no resources!" Jebediah argued.

"Eh... so what, we all survived? Didn't we?"

"Just go you ungrateful swine."

"Meh, I've heard better name-calling trash talk than that." Zuck walked out of the alley, with his gang of criminals.

As they did, they spotted the two and the dog from the festival.

"What are you looking at!" Zuck wasn't aware that they were peaking onto the little conversation.

Still, the big man left as the three quickly ran to the alley for some answers.

"What the heck was that!" Bart yelled at Jebediah.

"What? That was uh... a loan. Yes. A Loan." Jebediah said.

"For what? Getting other criminals off this town so he could benefit himself?" Bart argued.

"Now, now Bart. I'm sure he had a point." Frink said.

Jebediah Springfield sighed for a moment and said, "I'm not who you think I am. **I used to be a pirate under a different name**... terrorizing ships and boats with sharp knives and bustling guns."

"Okay, now that's just crazy talk." Frink said.

"It's true. Zuck really is benefiting himself and I gave a loan to him for his 'pay'. Anyway, I'm leaving this town onto the next train." Jebediah said.

"Wait? What?" Frink gasped.

"I'm old... when I leave, this town is in the hands of my two sons Obadiah Springfield and Zechariah Springfield... could be divided but what the hay." Jebediah said.

"Whoa! You can't just leave this town! This town trusted you! You still have some strength to run this town and arrest those men!" Bart said.

"Sorry kid, but everything you know of the heroic Jebediah Springfield is a **lie."** Jebediah said.

He walked out of the alley as Bart watched, with Frink being the most disheartened dropping his jaw saying, "I...I can't believe it!"

* * *

It was morning time, and Frink entered Boe's Saloon. Unlike Moe's, this was bigger and had two floors, lot of customers too in fact.

"Give me a German One Boe." Frink said.

"German Beer? Are you crazy. No one in America can handle that kind of stuff. Why, it only took **two to take down Harney**." Boe pointed to a certain corner of the saloon.

Boe and Frink saw Harney at the corner talking to a pistol.

"Hello beautiful! You wanna... go out... with me?" Harney spoke to a **pistol**. "Let's **kiss!**".

The next thing was that Harney was placing his lips pressed against the pistol's tip... where his finger was at the trigger.

"Just give me a German One." Frink sighed as the sound of a gun struck.

"I'm alright! Oh wait. **This is not cranberry juice**! This is **blood**!" Barney yelled.

"Man, you must be really depressed? What's wrong?" Boe filled in some German Beer into a big jug.

"It seems our local hero is all... a lie..." Frink took a sip... already feeling the rush of the beer through him.

"Good one. Here's have some more beer." Boe did not want to hear anymore of Frink's talk.

"What the heck's wrong with you?" Lewis came.

"Yeah, you look like you've just saw the vision of the future or something." Clark spoke.

"Future?" Frink already became drunk through a second sip. "Let me tell you... what the **future looks like**.

* * *

Minutes later, Frink was drunk as ever as the customers began listening, only to think he's crazy.

"... And people ride in huge metal transportation tech we call Automobiles, the U.S. annexed Hawaii and Alaska, trains run through the power of magnetism, little boys stay more time at home playing devices through a controller called video games..."

"Uh-huh... who the heck is Eddie Murphy?" Lewis asked.

"... That's what I want to know too..." Frink said.

Suddenly Bart and Santa's Little Helper came bursting into the bar and a minute later, Frink fell to the ground completely drunk and hallucinated.

"Oh god! How much did he drink!" Bart asked.

"Three glasses of German Beer. That's all." Boe said.

"We got to wake him up! Were late! What's the most powerful drink you have?" Bart said.

"That would be the contender, a mix of spices along with the most grossest ingredients from the most evil looking place ever... **Chicago**." Boe said.

"Yeah, they **sell guns to everyone**. Anyway, give it to me bartender." Bart spoke.

"Here you go!" Boe pulled a cup of the Contender from the shelves. "It's very disgusting that I let it stay in the open for three weeks. It should do the trick."

Boe pushed the drink onto the counter and Bart grabbed it immediately... he poured it into Frink's mouth, drinking the whole cup. A minute later, Frink rose from his drunken condition and said, "OH GOOD GOD'S SAKE!", and fell to the ground again unconscious.

"He should wake up in a few minutes." Boe said.

"That's not good we got to get some help." Bart spoke.

And so he ran past the saloon's doors and into the town's streets...

* * *

Bart Simpson walked into a crowded area filled with various people, mostly customers and merchants and they weren't listening to him as he said, "I need some help over here! Anyone? Anyone.".

"Oh what's the use? I got to help Frink myself." Bart said.

The young lad turned around and suddenly bumped into a tall man holding a bag and a huge sack. Bart landed on his bottom and saw a familiar face.

"Hey watch it fella. My sack ain't gonna... oh. It's you." Jebediah looked at Bart on the ground.

"I guess you're leaving all these people. Aren't you?" Bart said.

"Look, they don't need me. You know my little secret so why don't you just go and..."

"Who lead the expedition in the first place!" Bart said.

"I did but we all got stuck in a blizzard and..."

"And Who helped all those people survived?"

"I did but..."

"And who founded this town in the first place anyway?" Bart said.

"That's me, almost **lost the town to a chicken once in a game of checkers**..." Jebediah said.

"Well, okay... but it seems here that this town needs you more than ever. It's still a young town and it ain't ready for the big life unless you stay here and help out. The crime rate is still big but that's only due to one Zuck and you've must know how to handle criminals if you were a criminal yourself once." Bart said.

"Hey... your right! Forget about getting payback on that pirate crew I was with by stabbing them in the eye. I'll stay here." Jebediah said.

"Better yet, you could arrest those pirates!" Bart said.

"Okay... but it worked for me **when I stabbed someone in the eye**." Jebediah said.

* * *

Jebediah Springfield and Bart came bursting into the bar, surprising everyone to see the founder in this old rusty saloon.

"Oh my god! It's the founder himself!" Harney said.

"**I will sacrifice this dog by skinning him alive in your honor**!" Boe held Santa's Little Helper in front of him.

"Uh... you know it's taboo to do that to a dog in America? Right? Yes Asia, maybe South America, but not North America." Jebediah said.

"So what should I **sacrificed? My drunk friends over there**?" Boe asked.

"What? No! None of that sacrificing thing. Your all civilized people for pity sake. Anyway, where's Frink. The blacksmith." Jebediah asked.

"He's right over there." Boe pointed to Frink.

"Well good... because I like to..." Jebediah said, until interrupted.

"He can't hear you. He's still unconscious and..."

"HEY!" A loud voice interrupted the whole conversation.

"Him again?" Bart sighed.

"IT'S ME! ZUCK! COMING HERE TO SHOOT AND TEAR YOUR EAR OFF YOU! COME OUT AND TAKE THE BULLET LIKE A MAN!" Zuck yelled.

"You're going to get killed!" Japu ran to the boy. "Here! Take my pistol! I have this whenever that burglar Viper comes and steal my merchandise."

"Hmm... I got an idea." Bart spotted a metal plate on the corner. "Anyway, can I have the gun?"

"Yes, yes! Here." Japu handed his pistol to the young lad.

Bart ran off, taking the metal plate and the pistol with him as the civilians watched.

"Are you sure you really don't need that pistol?" Boe asked.

"Of course not. **I won't need it now or ever**."

"**Wrong again**, Hindu **Dude**." Viper appeared with a double-barreled shotgun aiming it behind Japu's back.

"Uh... um... **little boy!** I need the pistol back and... ugh, me and my damn mouth." Japu said.

* * *

Everyone was watching as the little showdown started, Bart walked onto his side of the street while Zuck stood at the other side of the street.

"So here we are. **The Good, The Bad, and You're So Hideously Ugly**! P.U!" Bart said to Zuck, angering him.

"Oh you little punk!" Zuck said.

"Look, I was just joking around. How about we fight like honest guys." Bart spoke.

He dropped his pistol to the ground as everyone wondered, "Why would he do that!".

"Bad idea, kid." Zuck aimed his pistol to Bart.

The next minute later, a loud shot was heard and Bart fell to the ground... it almost seemed that Zuck won the showdown... but he was not sure that he was dead as he thought, "Why no blood?". Zuck slowly walked over to the body just to be sure... only for his pistol to get kicked away from his hand.

"What then?" Zuck said.

Bart stood up from the ground, uninjured at all, revealing a metal plate under his shirt with a small bullet hole to it.

"Oh! Why you little brat!" Zuck was about to punch Bart.

Instead he got slammed to the face by Bart's metal plate. Zuck felt angrier but only to get kicked in the shin.

"OW YOU LITTLE!" Zuck was hopping on one foot, holding onto his shin.

Bart than slammed his face again with the metal plate one last time. Zuck beaten at his own game, fell to the ground unconscious to the floor. His gang became worried all of a sudden.

"I think Zuck is going to jail..." One of the gang members said.

"Sheriff! Arrest these men!" Jebediah said.

"Wait, but we had a deal!" Another Gang member said.

"Oh. You mean the deal that was never came with a contract, paper work, none of that, not even a little promise to it? I think not. Arrest them." Jebediah ordered.

Sheriff Wiggum on his horse along side with his two sidekicks stepped in the streets taking Zuck into custody, putting handcuffs to his unconscious hands. Meanwhile, Dugby's two sidekicks began chasing the gang as they ran, not wanting to be in jail either.

"Hurray for the Lone Ranger!" Lewis said.

Suddenly everyone hurrahed in joy as Bart was surrounded by happy civilians while Zuck and his gangs were going to be sent to jail.

"I could get use to this." Bart smiled.

"Bart! Bart!" Frink came.

"Hi Frink! Everything turn out good now!"

"Yes, but we must hurry! Will be late for the train if you know what I mean." Frink winked his eye.

"Oh... oh yes! Got to go! You've been a great audience!" Bart ran off with Frink and Santa's Little Helper.

"Hey! What about me! You **didn't turn in the pistol** you ungrateful ranger!" Japu said.

"Just keep on walking, don't attract any attention." Viper aimed his pistol behind Japu's back, as no one was looking.

* * *

The Train was running on coal as a guy named **Sourmey Skinner **was running the train until the sound of bullets was popped into the air.

"What the?" Sourmey saw two guys, one short, the other skinny and tall, on horses wearing masks as they aimed there pistols at him.

"Stop the train or else -GLAVIN!- with the coal, and the many wheels, attached to the cargo!"

A few minutes later, the thieves unhooked the main train from the cargo and rode off as the Engineer said, "Oh good god! What will I do!"

"**SKIINNNEERRR**!" A Man said behind him.

"Oh... uh... **Super Officer Chalmers**!" Skinner said.

"Super? What the heck is with you saying super all the time? It's just officer, not super officer." Officer Chalmers spoke.

* * *

The thieves stopped the train near the DeLorean that was also on the tracks in the middle of a forest. The two got off seeing Santa's Little Helper near the DeLorean and so they unmasked themselves revealing to be Frink and Bart.

"Okay, the boosters are set on track already which will get a chemical reaction if crushed so I want you to get into the DeLorean's driver seat. I will start the train and as soon as we reach to the unfinished bridge, it will hit 88 Mile Per Hour where we will go through time and see a finished but updated bridge." Frink said.

"Sounds dangerous but we've been through worst." Bart said.

Bart and Santa's Little Helper entered the DeLorean together as Frink stepped onto the train starting it.

The force of the train came contact to the DeLorean and so the two vehicles began driving faster and faster together.

"Looks dangerous but what the heck..." Bart thought.

The Train started to pick up speed, more and more, and suddenly as the train and DeLorean wheel's pressed unto the first set of boosters... it started going faster with the booster sounding like fireworks after it got crushed. The train pushed the DeLorean and so they were now heading towards the unfinished bridge...

"How fast are we Bart!" Frink said as they just passed the second set of boosters.

"Fifty Five Miles!" Bart yelled back.

"I'm going to try to get in! Okay!" Frink yelled.

Bart looked through the back window seeing Frink climbing on the side of the train... this was more dangerous as the train was going unusually fast as it just passed the third set of boosters... yet, Frink managed to climb half way there.

"How fast is it going now!"

"It's up Sixty-Seven!" Bart yelled.

Frink continued to climb to the DeLorean and so he was finally at the front of the train... but he had another problem... he now had to jump from a fast running train to the DeLorean... could he make it?

"It's now Seventy Four Prof!" Bart yelled.

Frink leaped from the front of the ground and onto the top of the DeLorean... but he suddenly slipped off the top and was now hanging on the side.

"Get in! It's reaching to Eighty One Miles Per Hour!" Bart opened the door.

"Yes, yes... I just..." Frink was interrupted seeing a huge tree coming at his side.

He really now had to get in the DeLorean before that tree hits him and the DeLorean's Door off. He carefully and slowly went to the door, starting with his legs. He got his right leg in just in time and now he got his left leg in. The tree was coming close and so Frink slided into the DeLorean, slammed the door closed before the tree could hit him.

"Close one." Frink sighed tiredly.

"Were at Eighty Seven... No, Eighty Eight and OH GOD! WERE GOING TO FALL!" Bart spotted the unfinished bridge in the way.

The next that happened was a streak of lightning and suddenly the DeLorean vanished into thin air all but the train behind them. It no longer pushed the DeLorean but now it ran off the unfinished bridge. The next thing that happened was a huge explosion from the fallen train, that could've happened to Bart, Frink, and Santa's Little Helper but no, they survived that risk and were now traveling through time once again... but where?

* * *

On a dark black night, The DeLorean reappeared again but this time on a finished bridge that was painted white. They drove the DeLorean off the finished bridge onto land, but it was not a forest anymore, it was a suburban area filled with people of modern day.

"Look Bart! The Time Readouts say that were in the exact year, exact day, exactly 8:50 and 8:50 means that our other selves must be about to go to time travel... don't want to be them right now." Frink said.

"Well at least... wait? 8:50? LISA'S BIRTHDAY! I don't have a gift!" Bart said.

"What about that hover board from the future?" Frink sighed.

"Thanks! I forgot about that!" Bart opened the DeLorean Door.

"Wait! Here's a gift for your sister as well." Frink handed him a small gift, wrapped in paper.

"Uh... okay." Bart said. "But I got to hurry. It's now 8:51!"

"Come on in! I'll get you to your party... right after we get some gas..." Frink spotted a gas station nearby in the suburbs.

* * *

The DeLorean stopped at a red light near the Mega Mart Parking Lot as it was full of gas... meanwhile, Bart looked out of the window and was surprised, **seeing himself**, Bart Simpson, **who saw himself**, Bart Simpson, at the parking lot. The red light turned green and the DeLorean drove as Bart dropped his jaws...

"Were almost there!" Frink said, passing by the Jebediah Springfield, looking old and rusty but still a great reminder of the founder.

"Let the force be with you!" Yoda, a **figment of Bart's imagination**, spoke at Town Hall.

* * *

For a few minutes... Bart was finally where he was supposed to be, The Krusty Hour Restaurant. Bart quickly stepped out the DeLorean as it still drove, running past the two glass doors and into the Krusty Hour Restaurant. There he saw many people he knew, Abe Simpson, Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Clancy Wiggum, Ralph, Terry and Sherry, Janie, even Mr. Burns came for some reason.

"Mr. Burns?" Bart said.

"Yes, I came here because secretly... there's a toxic dump waste under this area." Mr. Burns said.

Bart watched Mr. Burns walking away to Smither's and some employees of his, but then he spotted Lisa.

"Am I late?" Bart asked.

"No. Your actually just in time. What did you got?" Lisa asked.

"I got you a skateboard... though it's a special one." Bart showed her the hover board.

"Skateboard? Don't you got anything else?"

Bart was actually grateful that she said that as he wanted to keep the hover board, still he remembered the present that Frink gave him wrapped in paper, and so he gave her the gift. Lisa opened up and it turned out to be a picture frame holding a photo... but what?

"Oh my god. Can it be?" Lisa said.

"What? What is it? I mean, yes! It is!" Bart said.

"It's the **Lone Ranger** and his two partners, the **blacksmith** and the **wishful hound**." Lisa said.

Suddenly everyone gathered around the picture.

"The what?" Bart was confused.

Bart looked at the picture and saw himself wearing a cowboy outfit, Frink in blacksmiths clothes, and Santa's Little Helper dirty and wet in a black and white picture where the three stood next to the statue of Jebediah Springfield where it was first placed.

"Ah.. yes. The Lone Ranger." Mr. Burns spoke next to him. "Supposedly he gave a good punching to this Zuck fellow... went to jail he did. After that, he mysteriously disappeared at the same time a train was destroyed. There's only a few pictures of him and there mostly lost and displayed on the internet, but an actual photo... now that's rare."

"Heh, yeah, that lone ranger." Bart smiled.

"This is a great present Bart! Oh thank you! Thank you! Your a good brother, Bart..." Lisa hugged her brother.

"And your a good sister..." Bart smiled as he hugged his sister.

* * *

Bart was in bed and woke up as his clock started clicking off and on again. Bart stood from his bed, stretching and yawning several times. There he went downstairs.

"Good morning everyone." Bart said. "Everything looks normal."

"Yep." Homer said.

"Uh-huh." Marge spoke.

Maggie squeaked her pacifier as usual.

"Anyway, **where's the dog? **Gonna take him out for a walk." Bart said.

"Walk? What the heck are you talking about?" **Brian**, the **dog from Family Guy entered** with a cup of coffee.

Suddenly the sound of lightning was heard and Bart quickly ran outside. There he saw the DeLorean in front of his house. Frink stepped out of the car and said, "Bart! This is urgent!"

"Oh what now?" Bart sighed.

"We must go to the future where we will **ruin Buck Hickley's Relative and benefit ours**!" Frink said.

"That doesn't sound right..." Bart spoke.

"**I WON'T REST** UNTIL ALL THE **HICKLEY'S LIVES ARE RUINED! RUINED! **WE MUST GO **BACK TO THE FUTURE!**" Frink said.

Frink and Bart stepped into the DeLorean and drove it, flashes of light appeared, and it suddenly vanished without trace but trails of flames.

_**THE END**_

* * *

(EXTRAS)

Prof. Frink is now the most famous scientist ever in Springfield, his grave is now being honored by being the most **popular gas station** in Springfield.

Buck Hickley went on to be the **President of FOX** cancelling Futurama and cancelling Family Guy Twice. He stupidly put the show, "Allen Gregory" on air and gave Futurama to Comedy Central instead of its own networks. Lost a great show and got a bad one on the air. Sorry, but Allen Gregory really isn't that good.

Homer Simpson, Age 60, got his seventh heart attack, his near-death experience with the **ghost of Grandpa Abe Simpson still haunts him to this day where he tells stories of how he turn Boys and Girls against each other and how he invented the Spanking Stick.**

Ralph went on to become a **United Nation General**, chosen by the president himself. He saved two million lives that day.

Bart went unconscious for twenty years after he **received a note to join jury**... later Bart is alive and well again but with the **power to see people's futures**... like **that Dead Zone Movie**.

Lisa protesting against the corruption of the US Government has finally paid off the **last forty years**.

Marge became a **cyborg **so she can do the "mom stuff" much faster and have a life at the same time.

It turns out that the Director... **got all his information from one Maggie Simpson**, apparently she's a **spy**...


	52. Finale, Good Night

THE FINALE OF SIMPSONS SPRINGFIELD TALES, CLASSIC SIMPSON ORIGINAL HUMOR, NOT OF THAT POPULAR CULTURE HUMOR

(THANKS FOR REVIEWING AND READING, LIST OF REVIEWERS AT THE END OF THE STORY WHO TO THANK)

* * *

A Man walked upon the stage and said, "Oh? Hello There!" Realizing there's an reader there.

It all started with a young cartoonist named Matt Groening who originally was to present the comic book "Life In Hell" as TV Shorts. Realizing he would lose ownership to FOX and that the idea could fail taking down his comic book to the gutter as well... he conceived of the idea of a dysfunctional family, quickly sketching the family in a few minutes at the lobby of James L. Brooks Office. That's even more surprising to see that the popular Simpsons started out in the lobby one night, drawn crudely but quickly in a few minutes..."

The Man sat down in a chair carefully, being old and frail saying, "And So... we will tell an extended version of the first Simpsons Short, 'Good Night'. Why Extended you ask? Because we also want to introduce some classic Simpson Short Characters, Classic Simpson Humor, Classic Locations, Classic Phrases, and of course a good old "1989 Simpsons Plot Line" with some good old "1987 Simpsons Feel to it as well". I want to bring a **classic feel so none of that highlighting either** I bring you the extended story of **'Good Night'**... **The Finale of Simpsons Springfield Tales**..."

* * *

The Simpsons were at the kitchen during a beautiful Saturday morning, Bart and Lisa were eating cereal, munching on "Krusty-O's", Maggie was playing with her food, constantly tossing her side of scramble eggs to the ground, Marge was washing the dishes, while Homer read the newspaper.

"Huh... there's a sale at the Try-N-Save Mart... it's perfect! Today's my dad's birthday." Homer smiled a little.

"Well that's good... oh god. Maggie, stop making a mess." Marge went over to Maggie, cleaning up the food thinking, "Why do I bother? She can't understand me..."

"Grandpa's Birthday is today? What are we giving him? A coffin?" Bart said.

"BART!" Homer angrily yelled at the boy.

"Fine, fine. Will ditch his body at the lake." Lisa continued to eat her cereal.

"LISA!" Homer angrily yelled at the girl.

Maggie squeaked her pacifier several times as she dropped her fork to the floor.

"MAGGIE!" Homer angrily yelled at the baby.

"Homer. You can't even understand her." Marge tossed the fork into the sink.

"I know, but I bet she's in with her siblings. There's always making a fool out of me." Homer was a little suspicious of his own children.

"Homer. There just children."

"Eh... alright, but if I hear another funeral joke, it's grounded for the three of you!" Homer yelled.

"Uh-huh... like that hasn't happened before." Bart spoke.

"I'll take away your video games!" Homer said.

"Did that."

"Your board games!"

"Never liked that birthday present."

"I'll take away your television."

"Eh."

"I'll take away your action figures!"

"I'll be quiet now..." Bart spoke.

"Good. While we're at the Try-N-Save Mart, we can all get some Frosty Chocolate Milkshakes along the way."

"Alright Dad! So what are we getting for his funer.. I mean birthday?" Lisa asked.

Suddenly Homer grunted angrily and said, "Will get him... a nice gift.. for his _'birthday'_. GOT THAT?".. he spoke in a slow but terrifying voice...

The children nodded their heads, not wanting to hear the rest of Homer's anger...

* * *

Homer carefully drove his Family Sedan at the Try-N-Save Mart Parking lot seeing only one parking spot left... but no wanted this one as the two cars, an Ford Mustang and an Ferrari, at each side of the empty parking space were parked too close to the empty parking space and were also parked off the marked lines...

"Dammit..." Homer mumbled under his breath.

He drove the Family Sedan into the parking area... the sound of metal scratching and sparking against the other cars that parked to close loudly screeched and hurt the Simpsons ears as Maggie watched from the window of metal being scraped off the side of both sides of the family car's doors as well as the Ford Mustang left side of doors and Ferrari's Right side of Doors, but Homer who was a bit angry... still he got what he wanted. A Parking spot.

"Take that parking idiots!" Homer bragged.

"Uh... dad? How are we supposed to get out?" Lisa asked.

Homer try to bugged the door but it couldn't move due to the cars at each side parking too close.

"Well we... um..." Homer couldn't think of anything, realizing that the doors couldn't move at all with the Ford Mustang and Ferrari parking at each side too close to his sedan where they were trapped. "DAMN YOU PARKING IDIOTS!"

"How do we get out?" Bart asked.

"Uh.. we can try crawling out of the windows..." Homer said.

* * *

The Simpsons walked freely to the Try-N-Save Mart after escaping through the windows but they were not done yet. They came to the mart to get a present and so they entered the store. It was a normal store, nothing fancy... had a large furniture and clothes section, a small Burger Bar, a small software section such as graphics cards, games, CPU'S, monitors, headphones... that kind of thing, but The Simpsons just needed at least one gift.

"Now kids. I want you to buy one gift for your grandpa. Okay? Bart you're in charge of the money" Homer asked, handing Bart twenty bucks.

"Twenty Bucks to me, Bart? So I can get a gift for grandpa? That's like telling the fat kid to guard the pie!" Bart said.

"On second thought, Lisa. Your more responsible than your older brother." Homer handed Lisa the twenty bucks, instead of Bart who mumbled several times angrily... a little jealous of his younger sister too even...

Lisa grinned and smirked at his brother saying, "Ha Ha."

"Eh, so what. It's just twenty bucks." Bart spoke.

"And it's twenty big ones too." Lisa smirked at her jealous brother once more with a big smile.

Bart was a bit angry, feeling like he was going to punch her until Marge said, "Okay, you two. That's enough. Go buy your grandpa a present. Okay?"

"Yes mom." Lisa spoke nicely while Bart mumbled.

The two ran off with Maggie as Homer faced to Marge saying, "How come they always listen to you?"

* * *

Bart and Lisa who held Maggie in her arms walked across an isle of Petting Supplies wondering what an old man would want anyway.

"What would an old timer like anyway?" Bart said.

"I don't know? I heard they like to have an exercise. What about this leash?" Lisa asked.

"Wait? Is the leash for walking a dog or walking the old man? Sis? Lisa? Maggie?" Bart realized that his two sisters were gone.

He turned behind and saw Lisa and Maggie staring at a poster stuck to a wall. He came to see what the commotion was all about only to say, "Happy Little Elves: The Movie"? That's for children.

"I happen to be eight and Maggie is like only one years old." Lisa sighed.

"Fine, but a big ten year old is going to see something a little more... mature... such as 'Space Invaders'!" Bart pointed out to a horrifying poster showing an alien of some sort munching upon a human's body.

"Bart! That movies is rated-R! We can't see that! Besides uh... there both tomorrow and tomorrow is Church and a School night." Lisa spoke hesitantly...

"What's the matter. You're not scared are you? I mean, that's not the only alien you see there on the poster you know."

"I... It's not?" Lisa was afraid to ask.

"Yeah... there's the giant mutant bugs too... from there experiment..."

"B...bugs?" Lisa spoke.

"Yeah, you know the bugs from their experiments. There huge and they especially like to attack little children... eight years old from under the bed and..."

"You're lying. That sounds more of a folklore than a movie." Lisa became a little frustrated this time, turning her twenty bucks grin to an angry " scary non-sense".

" Okay, I made that part up... but you seem really scared a minute there." Bart grinned.

"So what? Everyone's scared of something."

"Yeah... I guess your righ... THERE'S A SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!" Bart yelled.

"AAHHH! WHERE! WHERE!" Lisa shaked her head repeatedly.

"Just kidding... I knew you were afraid of bugs!" Bart said.

"Am not." Lisa became a little more frustrated.

"Yeah huh!" Bart spoke.

"Am not!"

YEAH HUH!"

"AM NOT!"

"YEAH What?... Is that Krusty! Krusty The Klown!" Bart looked past Lisa's shoulder and saw Krusty The Klown sitting down upon a chair, taking pictures with different kinds of children on his lap as he was smoking before the picture is ever taken, in fact... there was even a video camera LIVE on television.

"Bart... We should go and..." Lisa turned around to realize that Bart is gone.

"Lisa? Where's Bart?" Marge came along with Homer.

"I don't know... but Maggie seems to want this rabbit doll so much." Lisa said.

Homer saw Maggie gripping a hold of a rabbit doll with only one ear, resembling the rabbit from _Life In Hell_ comic books.

"Sorry Maggie but..." Homer couldn't finished his sentence.

Maggie suddenly showed her big wide-eye innocent cute expression with tears about to fall from her eye staring directly at Homer.

"Oh... not the cute expression look... oh, alright. I'll buy the thing." Homer said.

Suddenly Maggie's cute innocent expression stopped immediately and she happily clapped her hands, getting what she wanted.

* * *

Krusty sat at his comfty warm chair surrounded by children but was smoking like an old man he was as it was a commercial break, until the next child came, it was Bart Simpson.

"Hello sir!" Bart sat upon his lap. "Your my hero, Krusty!"

"Of course I am... your my favorite kid already!" Krusty smiled.

"I thought I was your favorite kid!" A Seven-Year Old Girl walked up to him.

"Beat it kid! This is business. Got no time for little munchkins like you." Krusty spoke old and grumpy to the little girl.

Bart watched the girl ran sadly from the old man to her mother, that saying, Bart said, "Wait a minute... Your No Krusty!" believing him as an imposter.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Krusty had no idea at all what Bart meant.

Bart suddenly pulled off his red round nose.

"What the!" Krusty spoke as Bart pulled out a tissue paper.

Bart wipe the clown makeup right off his face and said, "You ain't no clown!"

Suddenly all the children gasped around him as the parents sighed hoping that this wouldn't happened.

"WHY YOU LITTLE PUNK! I'M GONNA TEAR YOUR INSIDES FROM THE DAY YOU WERE BORN YOU... Uh... heh... this is awkward." Krusty looked at the many children who saw him.

* * *

Meanwhile at a suburban home...

A Father, Mother, and One Child watched as they saw Krusty staring at the camera not knowing what to do after he just threatened Bart.

"Daddy? Why is Krusty being mean to that child?" A boy asked as he was watching Krusty LIVE with his parents.

"That's what I like to know." The Father spoke angrily.

"Did he just threatened that child?" The Mother spoke.

* * *

Krusty had no idea what to do after what Bart did... only hearing questions from the children wondering why they just saw him furiously threatening a child.

"Krusty, why did you threatened that boy?" One Boy asked.

"Are you really a clown?" Another Boy asked.

"Why do you sound violent?" A Girl asked.

"Oh... um... well..." Krusty had no idea what to tell these kids.

"Krusty." Krusty's Manager came to him.

"What is it? Can't you see I'm in trouble with the children. Also, when does this go LIVE again?" Krusty said.

"Krusty, you were on LIVE five minutes ago." The Manager spoke in disappointment.

"WAIT! WHAT! I'll.. I'll write an apology letter! Yeah! That's it!"

"Krusty. You just threatened a child LIVE, meaning in the whole town, other towns and cities even. Were already getting hate mail and strict questions from several parents in the neighborhood." The Manager spoke.

"What happened?" Marge came along with Homer, Lisa, and Maggie.

"Are you his parents." Krusty angrily gripped Bart's hand, the boy thus swallowed his throat hard as he saw his parents. "Your kid... just ruined my whole NETWORK!"

"Oh... WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer became furious raising his two gripping hands to the boy.

He was strangling the boy now saying, "I'LL TEACH YOU WHO'S RUINING WHAT!", in front of the children.

"Say cheese!" The Cameraman said.

"Wait what?" Homer looked at the camera.

The next minute later, Homer realized that he was doing something very wrong in front of children's eyes as the camera just flashed. All the children were silent and Homer said, "Uh... you know... I'll just um... buy this suit for my Grandpa's funeral!", he spotted and old dusty ragged suit in the "85%" off area.

"I thought it was his birthday, dad." Lisa said.

"Quiet down Lisa..." Homer already felt the rushing stress from the crowd of children who were watching.

"Here's your picture uh.. " The Cameraman needed a last name.

"Mr. Simpson, sir." Homer spoke out his last name in front of the whole group of people...

"Yes.. Here you go." The Cameraman handed his picture.

Homer quickly walked out of here with his family as fast as he can, buying the old ragged suit as an gift for Grandpa as everyone still wondered why he did that in front of a LIVE camera.

* * *

The Simpsons walked out quietly as Homer blurted out, "That was embarrassing Marge!"

"Don't feel bad Homer. You just need... um... people to know the real you." Marge spoke.

"You mean self-centered, overweight, anger-minded. Yep, I already know him." Bart spoke.

"BART! I know what I did was wrong but you better watch your mouth mister!" Homer added.

"Yes sir..." Bart spoke.

"Good. Now let's head off for some Frosty Chocolate Milkshakes." Homer smiled.

The Simpsons walked off towards the car until Bart stopped hearing, "Father and Son Issues eh?". He turned around as the family didn't even noticed, seeing an old man at the streets handing out clothes to the poor.

"What do you know?" Bart asked.

"I was like you once... I one time thought my father was angry at me, but I realized he was just doing what he thought was best... I also realized that my so-called friends were just thugs. The mind can play tricks on you. The name is Jake by the way. I own the only barbershop by the street." Jake The Barber spoke.

"Uh Jake? What is the mind?" Bart asked.

Suddenly the family sedan with scraping metal on the sides came by the street with Marge saying, "Bart! Come in now! You know you shouldn't talk to strangers".

"But mom, he's just a..."

"Now son. Don't speak with the hobo." Homer spoke.

"Hobo? I'm here because of charity you low-life punk!" Jake The Barber suddenly became angry.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?" Homer stepped out of the car.

"Oh god... not another one..." Marge slapped her hand to her forehead, sighing again.

Homer came straight towards Jake and punched him right in the face, the old man was knocked out by one punch falling to the ground as people, civilized or hobos, watched.

"No one can stop Homer Simpson." Homer spoke victorious.

"Homer, were out of gas." Marge spoke.

"DOH!" Homer yelled out.

* * *

Homer was pushing the car all by himself to the parking garage as Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie watched from sitting on the portable chairs.

"You know, I know a great lullaby that's common around the country." Marge said.

"We heard it mom and 'rock my baby' scared us all when we were babies." Bart said.

"No kidding. Had nightmares from it all day when I was One Years Old." Lisa added.

"Well... Maggie will love it for sure." Marge spoke.

"Oh god! I'm finally done!" Homer said. "I need some TV."

As Homer took a step away from the car, Bart said, "Uh Homer? You forgot to put the car into parking..."

"What? That's silly... I didn't forget to... oh Dammit..." Homer turned around seeing the car moving backwards.

The Family watched as the car was moving slowly towards a hill...

"Oh... this is gonna cost me..." Homer said.

The sound of crashing was heard as bell chimed loudly than usual and the sound of someone saying, "MY LEG!" was heard.

"Well... there goes the church." Lisa spoke.

"Err... I just need some TV." Homer calmed down.

* * *

Homer entered the TV room to see his favorite couch... but he also saw his three children watching TV already.

"How did you got here so fast!" Homer asked.

"Were children with a high metabolism. What do you expect?" Bart said.

"Well get off, I need some TV." Homer, tired and angry, wanted to sit down on the couch.

"Sorry Homer Old Boy. Were watching Itchy and Scratchy." Lisa said.

"Homer? Since when do you call me Homer, Lisa! Never mind! Just get off so I can watch some GOOD. OLD. FASHION. TELEVISION!" Homer yelled.

The three children looked at him silently without a single word out of there mouths, they quickly got off the couch and ran off somewhere else in the house. Homer sat down on the couch, relaxing much of his time as he can, grabbed the remote, and turned on the TV.

"At least TV can't make me angry." Homer said as he saw The News Channel.

"This is the News LIVE and I am at the Try-N-Save Mart where we have just received information that Krusty problems came under the influence of one Homer Simpson who just strangled his own child." The News Reporter.

"Oh come on!" Homer became tired of this.

"It was like this and this ain't no lie." Krusty lied on Television. "Homer Simpson turned me to smoking and reading adult magazines that children shouldn't even see their hero do!"

"I don't smoke or read those kind of magazines!" Homer yelled at the TV.

He quickly grabbed the remote and changed the channel.

"This is Paranormal News LIVE on Television where we catch the strangest and mysterious stories of all. We are here at the Try-N-Save Mart Parking Lot where well-known lovable charitable man and only barber man, Jake, was harassed by an unknown assailant. Let's see what he gots to say?"

Homer watched the interview miserably, as Jake explained.

"Well, I don't remember much due to being punched and being old but I do remember that this was no man. It was some kind of big furry monster, an ape maybe." Jake said.

"An Ape?" Homer said angrily to the television.

"Could it be that Bigfoot is terrorizing this very town?" The Reporter spoke facing directly at the audience. "Find out for new strange and ghoulish news at..."

Homer quickly changed the channel again.

"Hello, this is Christian News with a new report." A Christian Reporter spoke. "It seems that the town's local church has just got destroyed by a moving car with no one in it."

Homer than saw the car and looked exactly like his causing him to blurt out, "Oh! My car wrecked the church. I hope God isn't angry about this..."

"Reports have been heard that someone was trying to assassinate the Reverend of this church. Could it be that the extremists are back or that the Atheist are settling the score? Whether or not... we will find you and hunt you down mysterious assassin. This is Christian News and goodbye..."

"Ohhh... why does it have to happen to me?" Homer sighed.

"Grandpa's here!" Marge yelled.

"Oh Good!... Grandpa! He's make things feel better." Homer said to himself.

* * *

Homer entered the dinner room and said, "Hello Grandpa! How you've been?"

"Bad! Some idiot's Sedan just ran over my friend, I think he stupidly forgot to put it in 'parking'. My friend is now in a coma at a hospital. " Abe said.

"Oh..." Homer felt a little discouraged, mentioning his Sedan.

"Uh.. how about we eat?" Marge said. "I made steak, green peas, and mash potatoes." Marge said.

"Oh good! I'm starving." Bart sat at the table.

"No Bart! You have to pray before we eat." Marge said as she sat at the table.

"Oh come on! That takes forever!" Lisa complained.

"God just asks for a few minutes of your time to pray, Lisa. So who wishes to start off the prayers?" Marge asked.

"I'll do it. You munchkins won't do it, than let the old man do it for himself." Abe sat to the table.

All The Simpsons Family Members held hands and closed their eyes... until Abe Simpsons stood up, placed his hand to his chest and said, "I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the United States of America."

Suddenly The rest of The Simpson members opened there eyes and looked at Grandpa.

"For which it stands, one nation, under god, indivisible with liberty and..."

"Grandpa. That's not prayers. That's the Pledge of Allegiance." Lisa said.

"What's the difference? The Prayers is about God. The Pledge of Allegiance says 'Under God' in it. So what?" Abe said.

"Uh... let's just eat..." Marge spoke.

* * *

It was nighttime, and Homer and Marge were at the door as Abe put his coat on.

"That was a nice dinner you had there. You're a good son... unlike that person who let his car drove my friend over!" Abe said.

"Uh.. yeah.." Homer shifted his eyes back and forth suspiciously and nervously.

"Well. See ya, got to visit my friend at the hospital." Abe said.

Abe left the house as Homer and Marge, they closed the door with Marge saying, "Homer, can you check on the kids to see if they brushed their teeth? I got to put the dishes in the sink"

"Sure. Why not?" Homer said.

* * *

Homer entered the second floor of the house seeing Bart standing at the bathroom door's alone.

"Bart? Where are your siblings? Have you brushed your teeth yet?" Homer said.

"Eat my shorts." Bart said.

"Bart... remember earlier? Don't make me angry like last time."

"I don't know, but I can bet you one thing, you a second brain to fill all that anger in." Bart chuckled.

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer ran up to him.

As he reached to the bathroom, he suddenly tripped by a wire of floss in front of th door way held by Maggie and Lisa hidden at each side of the door way. Homer was covered in tooth paste and a towel as he was on the floor, sighing but still angry.

"Clean as a whistle Homer." Bart pulled off his prank.

Suddenly Homer was furious as he stood up from the mess his children created, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie having a fake smile in a worry as they saw him about to go berserk.

"YOU.. YOU.."

"Homer? What now?" Marge sighed.

"YOU... little kids got to go to bed." Homer suddenly calm down.

"Whew! Close call!" Lisa said.

The three went to bed as Marge came to Homer.

"Those three are tough you know."

"So what? Their children, you were like that too you know."

"Yeah... I guess so..." Homer said.

* * *

Homer came into Bart's room as he was all tucked up in his bed, but still awake.

"Good night, Bart. Sorry for what happened earlier..." Homer said.

"Yeah... Uh Homer? What is the mind? Is it just a system of impulses or is it something tangible." Bart asked.

"Relaxed. What is mind? No matter? What is matter? Never mind." Homer joked.

"Uh... thanks... dad." Bart didn't get the joke.

"Good night, son." Homer turned off the lights.

Suddenly Bart felt a little afraid of what the mind could do...

* * *

Marge entered Lisa's room, tucking Lisa in her bed with a smile.

"Good night Lisa." Marge smiled.

"Good night mom." Lisa yawned happily in bed.

"Sweet Dreams."

"Thanks Mom." Lisa again yawned with a smile.

"Sleep Tight"

"I will mom." Lisa was about to close her eyes peacefully.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." Marge turned off the lights.

Suddenly Lisa stopped yawning or closing her eyes peacefully or happy as she said "B..b...Bed bugs?, fearing the bugs might eat her from under the bed...

* * *

Marge was in Maggie's room, tucking Maggie into her crib as she was about to sing a lullaby.

"Rock-a-bye-bay in the treetop..."

Suddenly Maggie imagined herself at night time in a cradle on the top of a tree bough.

"When The Wind blows, the cradle will rock..."

The wind wildly rocks the cradle fearsomely on the tree bough as Maggie's ribbon is flying off.

"When the bough breaks..."

Maggie is more scared than ever as the bough breaks high in the sky.

"... the cradle will fall..."

And it does fall... Maggie tries to scream but can't as she can't even speak, still the cradle plummets to the earth as the pacifier falls during the course.

"And down will come baby, cradle and all." Marge finished the song.

Maggie wished to be back into reality, and so she is... fearfully and repeatedly sucking on her pacifier many many times

"Sweet Dreams." Marge turned off the lights.

Suddenly Maggie's eyes were wide opened in fear...

* * *

Homer and Marge were in bed ready to sleep as well.

"Good night Homer." Marge spoke.

"Good night to you, also, Marge." Homer spoke.

As Homer was about to reach for the lights, suddenly Bart, Lisa, and Maggie appeared at the door way frantically waving their arms and talking simultaneously.

"The Mind! Could you be more specific!" Bart yelled.

"THe bed bugs! I can't sleep with them around!" Lisa yelled.

Homer and Marge sighed again with Marge saying, "Fine... Climb into bed..."

The three shivered in fear still as they crawled into bed between their parents with Maggie in the middle.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Just go to bed. Good night." Homer sighed, turning off the lights.

Everything went black now but Maggie was still awake.

"Goo' Nigh'd." Maggie said.

* * *

_(They'll Never Stop The Simpsons)_

_Ullman shorts, Christmas Specials,_ (Springfield Tales Moments),_ Marge's Missing, Homer's Civil War,  
Skinner's Enemy, Nelson makes a threatening call to the President, Nental's a cannibal, A High Ian is an Angel_

_Homer forgets Ivan's Name, The Simpsons in L.O.T.R., Bart discovers a missile,  
French Ugolin and Casar want revenge on Bart, Selma finds unwanted love, Bill Clinton is the Grim Reaper, Marge's Mother dies._

_(_TV Series Moments) _Burns gets shot, Homer fights Prohibition, Bart cutting off the statue's head, Homer jumping off Springfield Gorge, Truck-O-Saurus, Bart caught Blinky The Fish , Mr. Sparkle, Apu having eight children, and Santa's Little Helper as a Christmas Present_

_Marge Road Rage, Homer Vs. George Bush, Lisa Buddhist and vegetarian, Homer gets an heart operation , Marge is a cop, Maggie saying her first word, What else do I have to say?_

_(_Springfield Tales Ideas) _They'll never stop The Simpsons, Have no fears, we've got stories for years,  
Like, Lenny getting a vasectomy, maybe Mr. Burns creates a Mega Kwik-E-Mart,  
Has Santa's Little Helper ever lead a dog revolution against the Dog Pounds. _

_or, How 'bout Judge Marge'?  
Where something happens, and doo doo doo doo, doo  
Thank all of you readers and reviewers, positive or negative reviews, have no fears, we've got stories for years._

Thanks to... (As of Dec. 11. 2011)

TheCartoonFanatic01 Also Known As The Simpsons Fan

Gypsy Rosalie

Bruelock

Gloria

UndeadSamurai01

metallicanirvana

SideshowJazz1

Ewokman

Mastertyper (YES EVEN YOU)

gqxauview

Christian Soldier5

Spiderpig123

LittleBrittle

Dohey

Lachcal

Sandylot9

thelittlefairy95

Keiko Murikami

avidreader460

nemiah

MonacoMac

TimeLordParadox

rw

Simpsonspuppy

Raptor Moses

Frankierox1996

Zippy

Waz Up SimpsonS

SimpsonFan111

* * *

(DEVELOPING THE IDEA OF GOOD NIGHT EXTENDED)

Honestly, the idea of re-extending and remaking a short was here since the very beginning. However the idea wasn't developed well until I reached to the end of SEASON 1A. It was than I decided that I should make the story into something where people are reminded how it was back then and not today. I wanted to put Space Invaders, The Happy Little Elves, Jake The Barber The Old Personalities of The Simpsons, and I wanted to introduce Try-N-Save Mart as it is a very well known classic location even though it never appeared in the shorts but I never showed it in the older stories I had in Simpsons Springfield Tales, so why I put it in the extended version. I also wanted to have original humor, none of that humor where it made fun of popular culture like most shows have done today. Even though this version was extended, I wanted it the rest of the part and the ending to be the same... the same ending where Maggie says, "Good Night"... the same story aspects where Homer and Marge frighten there children with the mind, bed bugs, and the "Rock My Baby" song but also ask... where did they got the idea in the first place or why are they afraid of it? Some of these story aspects of the extended fanfiction version was inspired from other shorts such as Krusty being revealed as a fake or Abe pretended to be dead... yet I also wanted to show new and original humor at the same time with a classic-like but new plot to it that feels like The Simpsons back then. I wanted to bring back the old personalities such as Homer being mostly angry than sad and happy, Lisa as "Bart's Twin", Abe as "Intelligent" rather than crazy. The most important thing was never to mention Springfield, just call it a town because Springfield was never mentioned in the shorts, so I decided not to mention it in the story. This is the extended version of "Good Night"...


	53. Springfield Tales, Season 2 Is Out

**SIMPSONS SPRINGFIELD TALES SEASON 2 IS OUT**

Not really much here, but to announce that Season 2 is out. This time there will be no more heavy-unusual story material and no more previews, demo's, sneak peaks or whatever I call them these days. The first story is a Christmas Story about a tale of a Dysfunction Family having several problems of there own... go check it out, the most interesting situation should be Lisa's. Don't worry people, Mr. Nental will return too, I don't know why he's suddenly the favorite fan-made character all these months. Maybe because he's Gentle on the outside and Mental in the inside, that's where I got the idea of his name folks. I had to halt my other fanfictions to do Season 2, but now it's finally here.

(THIS WILL BE DELETED UNTIL JANUARY 1ST. THIS TIME I PROMISE UNLIKE SOME OF THE OTHER STUFF I FORGOT TO DELETE)


	54. Poll info, Please Read

**OPTIONAL BUT PLEASE READ**

Hello, everyone. I have recently just made a poll on whether to decide if I should have points of plot, trivia of the TV show itself, and jokes italicized, highlighted, or just left alone. Before this poll, their were stories that had jokes, trivia, and certain points of the plot highlighted where people could understand the joke, understand the flow of the plot, or if they missed something they can go back. So please, vote, please really do because once I get enough votes, I plan on...

...re-editing the stories of Simpsons Sringfield Tales Season 2, not creating a new fanfiction but rather replace the old chapters with newly edited ones based on the poll.

...Releasing the tenth story of Springfield Tales Season 2, edited and based on the poll.

...Creating a new fanfiction called Futurama Epics, a loose sequel to Futurama Experience.

So for all those readers out their, **please vote.**


End file.
